Prayer Books for Brides

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

During my first year of graduate school and teaching in Charleston, South Carolina, my friends and I would meet several times a week for daily Mass, and then, if our work or class schedules permitted, have coffee or breakfast together. Though we routinely attended the same Bible study each week, the morning Mass group was much more free-form, and the days we went varied week to week. Like everyone else in the group, I was single, and had a vibrant spiritual life because I had a great deal of time to spend in prayer, both in and out of church.

I moved back to my hometown shortly before meeting my husband. Though there was a strong young adult group there too, we were less involved in community as he did his dissertation research. We married just over a year after we met.

Our prayer life together has always been strong, but after marriage I started feeling nostalgic for the girl I had been in Charleston, the one who nurtured her prayer life so thoroughly.

I had been so used to the spontaneity of my personal spiritual life that I wasn’t sure what to do now that I had a spouse to consider, as well.

Ever the English major, I turned to several books to help me balance prayer and work as a newly married woman. They continue to hold valued spots on my bookshelf.

In those early months of our marriage, my husband worked seven days a week to finish his dissertation. Sometimes I felt guilty about the nights I spent proofreading for him instead of going to Wednesday night Mass or Bible study with the young adult group. My perspective started to shift, though, after reading Dom Hubert van Zeller’s Holiness for Housewives (and Other Working Women) and St. Francis de Sales’ Introduction to the Devout Life.

Holiness for Housewives encourages married women to cultivate an attitude of prayer, one that pervades all aspects of life in our domestic churches. van Zeller points out that everything we do can become a prayer if we align our wills to God’s will and strive to do what he calls us to in each moment. For me, in that busy dissertation season, that meant a lot of proofreading. Even when I didn’t want to give up my leisure to help my husband with his work, doing so became a prayer out of love for and obedience to the God who has called me to marriage. The book is rather general, though, so when I wanted specific practical advice, I turned to de Sales.

Because the chapters in the Introduction are short, I didn’t have to devote a great deal of time to reading, yet still gleaned rich practical steps to help me incorporate active prayer into my daily life, such as St. Francis’ method  for morning prayer. One of the key aspects he describes is to “anticipate what tasks, transactions, and occasions for serving God you may meet on this day and to what temptations of offending him you will be exposed.” Using this method helps me keep sight of God’s will as I’m going through my day, having made my to-do list prayerfully.

As I learned what prayer and work looked like for me as a married woman, I realized part of my initial struggle was rooted in only thinking of myself in terms of my vocation.

I’d been seeing myself as more of a wife than as a daughter of God. I had wanted to get married for so long that when I did, I got distracted by my excitement over the reality of marriage. I needed to remember that the love I felt for my husband, and his for me, was rooted in divine love.

Recognizing this, during Lent of my first year of marriage I revisited I Believe in Love: A Personal Retreat Based on the Teaching of St. Therese of Lisieux, a gift from my college spiritual director. Accordingly, I spent those 40 days--which began just a few weeks after our wedding--meditating on the fact that I was loved first and best by God, and that growing in my love for him meant I could love my spouse and fulfill my married vocation better.

St. Francis de Sales says,“Wherever we may be, we can and should aspire to a perfect life.” My prayer life looks different now from when I was single, and it will change again when, God willing, we have children. The wisdom of these authors has encouraged me to listen continuously for how God is calling me, in this moment, to pursue holiness.

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About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days reading, writing, and volunteering in her community, trying to make her part of the world a little more beautiful. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in central Pennsylvania.

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What to Do if You're Nervous about the Wedding Night

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY 

Real talk: one of the things I was most stressed about during my engagement was the wedding night. While I was thankful that Kristian and I had (by the grace of God and the virtue of chastity) saved sex for marriage, I was also freaked out by the fact that in a few short months, I would finally be giving myself, body and soul, to the man I love.

I realize now that so many of my nerves were completely normal, and that most women (and men) who wait to make love until their wedding night have a similar experience. We all want our first night as a married couple to be beautiful and romantic and intimate...but what if it isn’t? What if it’s awkward, uncomfortable, or even physically painful?

To some extent, it’s impossible to dispel all of the pre-wedding night jitters. Even laid-back brides find that their wedding day can be emotionally exhausting (in a good way), and the pressure to have the perfect wedding night can seem overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to be!

The Lord created us in such a way that sexual union between husband and wife naturally unfolds (yes, even the first time), and he established marriage as a lifelong union between spouses, meaning that your first time together on the wedding night is only the beginning of a lifetime of learning to love each other in this intimate way.

Hopefully, you have a married woman (or two) in your life who will help assuage any irrational fears you may have about the wedding night, but if you don’t (or are just too shy to ask), here are a few tips I found helpful:

Photography: Avenue Creative

Ask your fiancé to prepare in advance.

It’s no secret that men and women have different needs when it comes to foreplay and making love, but your husband-to-be may need to get some pointers from married friends (preferably Catholic ones) on how to best navigate these differences. The more he knows about how women work, the more smoothly your wedding night will go.

Relaxation is key.

At the end of your wedding day, you will probably be a strange mix of totally wired and completely exhausted. Regardless of where you are on the emotional spectrum, there’s a good chance you will need some relaxation time before you’re ready to make love. Talk to your fiancé about this before your wedding so that he’ll be prepared to wait a bit longer, and have some relaxation supplies (champagne, bubble bath, massage oils) ready at the honeymoon suite.   The more relaxed you are, the more enjoyable (physically and emotionally) love-making will be.

Pray beforehand.

It doesn’t have to be long and drawn out, but a simple, heartfelt prayer asking the Lord to bless your first night together will bring peace to both of your hearts and prepare you spiritually to consummate your marriage. If you're at a loss for words, consider making Tobias and Sarah's prayer (Tobit 8:4-8) your own. 

Talk honestly and openly about your experience the next morning.

The only way a couple can grow together sexually is by openly communicating their needs to one another. As awkward as it may feel at first, talking about your love making is essential to establishing a healthy, happy, mutually satisfying marital life together.

Don’t be afraid to wait a day (or two).

One of the reasons why so many women are nervous about the wedding night is because they have it in their heads that they must have incredible sex with their husbands on the first night of their marriage...or else. That’s simply not the case! Some couples decide to wait until the next morning so that they are more rested. Some are practicing NFP to avoid pregnancy and choose to delay consummation until after the woman’s fertile period is over. Regardless of what you and your husband decide to do, it is best to discuss it before you get to your honeymoon suite.

Be patient.

It’s okay if your first time making love isn’t amazing. Like anything important in marriage, it takes time and practice to learn what works and what doesn’t work for you as a couple. Be patient with yourself and with your husband, and remember that your first time won’t be your last time (even if you get pregnant right away, you can still make love throughout pregnancy). That said, if you experience any serious physical complications during love-making that make it difficult for you to give yourself fully to your husband, talk to your doctor as soon as possible.

One final note: if the thought of making love with your husband absolutely terrifies you due to wounds or trauma from your past, please consider going to therapy before you get married. Marital sex is supposed to be a beautiful expression of the love between spouses, not a source of fear or intense anxiety. Therapy can help you work through your past wounds so that you have peace about making love with your husband.

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About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Lisa + Steve | Canadian Summer Wedding

Growing up, Lisa longed for a fairytale romance akin to those she'd seen in movies; what the Lord gave her instead was more beautiful and real than she could have imagined as a girl. As the Holy Spirit refined and purified her understanding of true love, Steve came into her life and showed her that love, lived in daily life. 

In Lisa's words: The first year of our dating relationship was far from the makings of a romance movie. For starters, we began dating in December. Our hang-outs took place in temperatures below 20 degrees in a small town I knew nothing about. Our commute to this town was laden with snowstorms, and at one point took 10 hours for him.

My chronic health condition took a turn for the worse that year, and for months on end, fancy dinners, fireworks, fun dates and walks under the stars where exchanged for hospital visits and sitting at home on the couch. Our relationship was a far cry from a romantic comedy.

My heart ached for those butterfly moments and the “honeymoon stage” everyone talked about. Yet, this was exactly what God desired for our relationship. He desired that I submit my expectations for what true love looked like. During that year, Steve and I allowed Christ to purify us in the flame of the Holy Spirit and we gave Him the permission to take us through the trials he knew were best for us and to write our love story in His own way.

After our trials slowly came to end, I realized that the winter storms of this life were not able to shake our love. God had become our anchor and our love became stronger.

In November of 2016, Steve proposed to me in front of the Tabernacle at St. Paul’s Basilica in Pittsburgh during one of my weekend visits. As “Oceans” by Hillsong United was playing and a slideshow of our relationship caused tears to flow, I knew it was the moment I had always waited for. He bent down on one knee, and a sense of peace overwhelmed my heart.

In the summer of 2016, during the Year of Mercy, my husband Steve were married and it truly was the happiest day of my life. I couldn't contain the joy welling up in my heart. 

Our ceremony took place at a renaissance style church and at a hall with timeless elegance. We were surrounded by friends and family and Christ was the center. It's amazing to think that we've now been married for a year!

My dress was everything I dreamed it would be, from the detailed lace to it's romantic, princess style. I found it at a charming small boutique near my house with my mom and my best friend. I had the sleeves added and they came out perfectly. However, let’s just say I had no idea walking in tulle would be so hard and that I would get GUM in it right before the reception (we cut the gum out and you couldn’t tell anything was missing because of the amount of tulle!).

Before the ceremony, we decided to go the traditional route and not see each other. Our photographer Amer and videographers Anita and Michael took pictures and recorded a video of us getting ready individually before the ceremony. I had my best of friends surrounding me as I prepared to exchange vows just hours later. We had the best time laughing together and being pampered by the best makeup and hair team. Right before leaving, we stood in a circle and prayed that Jesus and the Blessed Mother would be present as we said our yeses.

Once we arrived at St. Paul’s Basilica, Steve and I stood on opposite sides of the Holy Doors for the Year of Mercy and had a special prayer moment. Our photographer captured the moment as we held hands and prayed. I was so nervous and giggly knowing he was right behind the door!

If you ask anyone in attendance at our wedding Mass, they will tell you that the Holy Spirit was present. I remember walking into the church looking down at my white shoes and tulle surrounding them thinking that this was the day I had always been waiting for. All those years of draping towels over my head as a little girl pretending it was a veil and then waiting for my beloved spouse as I grew older were worth it.

I received so much healing that day from hurts and heartaches of the past, the love of Jesus and of Steve filled my heart immensely. We received a grace from the fountain of mercy and said yes to take on each other’s burden for the rest of our lives. 

One of my favorite moments from our wedding day is the moment we knelt down in front of the statue of our Blessed Mother to give her a bouquet of flowers. We placed the bouquet of flowers in front of her and I experienced such love in my heart I can't describe. I cried and cried as I felt her blessing our union. In that most intimate moment, Steve took his purity ring off of his finger, opened the palm of my hand and placed it inside. He didn't say any words but he didn't have to because I knew what we were both thinking: it was worth the wait.

Being a Polish- Canadian and my husband a native Pittsburgher, we both implemented our traditions into our reception. Anyone from Pittsburgh knows that there must be a cookie table.  In Polish culture, the parents of the bride welcome the bride and groom into the reception hall with blessed salt and bread. With the blessed salt, the parents are blessing the couple with protection and well-being. With the bread, the parents pray that the couple never encounter need or want, and if they do, that God would help them in their trial. In addition to this tradition, we had a polish DJ who played traditional polish folk music and of course, we served pierogi at our midnight buffet. It means so much to me that Steve embraces my culture and all of my Polish traditions. 

I chose the Old Mill and Spa for the reception because of its vintage beauty and outdoor garden setting. The hall inside is so beautifully adorned with gold framed mirrors and large fireplaces that we didn't have to decorate at all. My bridesmaid wore gorgeous wine colour dresses that complimented the gold hall colors. They served the most amazing food and had the nicest staff who checked on me periodically through the night to check if I was eating! 
 

Lisa's spiritual takeaway: As a young girl, I had no idea that a love like Steve's existed: a love so devoted, godly, passionate, yet pure. Now that we are united in love, I know that we will overcome anything together through the fountain of grace that was poured out for us on the altar. I know that that there is simply no one else that fits so perfectly with me. Steve is the most handsome, witty, funny, kind, and awesome answer to prayer that God has ever given me and I am so excited to spend the rest of our lives chasing Jesus together.

Photography: Amer Nabulsi  | Church: St. Paul's Basilica Toronto, ON, Canada | Reception - Old Mill Toronto | Videography: Mike and Anita Yu "Ammotion" | Flowers: Ewa Bajorek | Makeup: Cheeks and Tresses | Music: DJHubert | Wedding Dress: Izabella's Bridal | Music Ministry: All4Him and Desiree and Whitney

Newlywed Life | Date Ideas for Newlyweds

STEPHANIE CALIS

The obvious changes in your physical relationship notwithstanding, newlywed life opens a wealth of special date options that simply aren’t as practical or prudent during your time as an engaged couple. My husband and I were engaged long-distance and looked forward to our married life, when we’d see each other daily, but even if you’re planning your wedding near one another, the difference between having to say goodbye at a certain point in the day and having the freedom of fewer limitations on your time is a sweet one.

If you’re looking forward to, or already living out, the realities of your newly married days and are looking to savor them in particularly memorable ways, it’s helpful to consider times of day, like early morning and late at night, when it’s far simpler and more free to spend time with your beloved, as well as the fact that after the wedding you’ll share a home.

Here, four date ideas that speak to these changes and celebrate your status as newlyweds:

Plan a late-night Holy Hour.

The graces of placing yourselves in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament as often as possible speak for themselves. Whether as a periodic date or standing weekly commitment, find a parish with Perpetual Adoration, set your alarm for the middle of the night, and head out together for an hour of prayer. Sacrificing the comfort of sleep for the sake of time with the Lord is sanctifying and unites the two of you to the faithful and their prayer time the world over.

Picnic at sunrise.

In our early days of dating, before having children meant we tend to cling to every possible second of sleep and when we lived minutes away from each other on the same campus, my now-husband and I loved meeting in the early morning to watch the sun rise from the porch of our university’s admissions office. If your engagement is taking place in the real world, off of shared college turf, it’s likely that meeting up early in the morning--before work, and from different neighborhoods--is hard to pull off. It’s a pleasure to finally wake up together as a married couple, so take advantage by soaking in the early morning together! Program your coffeemaker and pack a blanket and simple meal the night before, or drop by a coffee shop before heading to a scenic spot.

Spend an intentionally lazy afternoon in bed.

Intentionally lazy sounds contradictory. But what I mean is this: carve out time to relax with your new husband, but make specific efforts to take things up a notch from your typical weekday Netflix o’clock. One of my husband’s and my favorite ways to spend a Sunday afternoon (or, if I’m being honest with two toddlers, Sunday nap time) is to come home from Mass, make a meal for brunch, and eat in our bedroom while reading or watching a movie. I like to make things intentional and special by wearing nicer pajamas or loungewear than my typical college T-shirts, tidying up beforehand, lighting a candle, and opening the curtains and windows--taking a few moments to create a peaceful atmosphere makes it feel much less like you’re holed up in your room and much more like you’re surrounding yourself with beautiful things and, God willing, beautiful weather.

Work on your new home together.

While it’s likely the two of you began gradually moving and combining possessions and choosing several new furniture items before your wedding, new needs and projects frequently arise as you both begin hanging your hats in the same dwelling. Elevate necessary chores and errands by checking them off together and adding in an out-of the ordinary element: go shopping as a duo to complete your registry or purchase materials for a project, set aside an afternoon to assemble furniture or appliances, hang a gallery wall of your wedding photos. Choose a new-to-you audiobook or podcast to accompany your work, and pick up takeout, maybe from a spot that’s a notch above fast-casual, on your way home.

We love hearing your own experiences and offering them to our community. If there are any special rituals you've adopted as a couple after marriage, be sure to share them in the comments and on Spoken Bride's social media!

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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NFP: What It Is, How It Works, and Why It Is a Blessing to Married Couples

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY 

It is NFP Awareness Week worldwide, and here at Spoken Bride, we couldn't pass up an opportunity to share the beauty of the Church's teaching on marriage, sexuality, and openness to life. We hope this post will be a helpful introduction or refresher for those of you are preparing for marriage, especially if your diocese or parish does not require an extensive course in NFP. Note that this is NOT an exhaustive resource on the Church's teaching or NFP. Please feel free to email us if you'd like any more information or want to hear about our personal experiences with NFP.

One of the most maligned and misunderstood teachings of the Church is her teaching on sexuality and chastity, specifically within the context of marriage. Some Catholics are under the impression that the Church requires everyone to have as many children as possible; some balk at the prohibition against contraception because it seems so unreasonable in the modern world; and some assume that since chastity is required before marriage, it must no longer be needed after a couple says, “I do.”

These misconceptions are completely understandable considering our current cultural climate, and the confusion that surrounds sexuality in general. The Church seems like a lone voice crying out in the wilderness of secular society, and it's often difficult for couples to hear that voice in the midst of the craziness of wedding planning. 

Erik Bello Photography.

The Church’s teaching on marital sexuality

In reality, the Church’s teaching on marriage and sexuality is both beautiful and challenging--just like the Christian life in general. According to the Church, all men and women, regardless of their state in life, are called to practice the virtue of chastity. Chastity is the virtue (spiritual strength) that helps us to integrate our sexuality into the entirety of our being, in order to  truthfully love those we are sexually attracted to instead of using them.

The practice of this virtue looks different depending on one’s state of life. For married couples, chastity means respecting the reality of sex and sexuality: that God designed sexual intercourse to be a unitive and procreative expression of love between a husband and wife. Marital love should be freely given, faithful (emotionally and sexually exclusive), total (the gift of one’s entire self, including fertility), and fruitful (open to having biological children, if able, and adopting/making marriage fruitful in some other way if biological children are not a possibility). Chastity for married people also means avoiding any lustful thoughts or actions: using others (even their wife/husband) as a means of getting sexual pleasure.

This means that anything that thwarts either the unitive or procreative aspects of marital love-making is contrary to God’s design for marriage and sex, and must be avoided. Contraception (both hormonal contraceptives and barrier methods), pornography, adultery, and the like all fall into the “sins against chastity within marriage” category.

Most people can see why pornography and adultery are on the list...but contraception? Isn’t this the 21st century? Doesn’t contraception help marriages by giving couples and easy way to avoid having a child if it wouldn’t be convenient or good for the family to do so? How can the Church expect so much of couples?

The Church can ask married couples to be open to life for the same reason she can ask us to love our enemies, or care for the poor, or put the needs of others before our own: Christ entrusted the Church with the ability to dispense divine life (grace) via the Sacraments, and marriage is a Sacrament.

God never leaves us alone in our attempts to follow his will--he always provides us with the grace to grow in virtue and practice self-control.

Yes, it is easier (in some ways) to take a birth control pill or have an IUD inserted or use a condom each time you have sex than it is to practice Natural Family Planning, in which couples prayerfully discern whether or not to avoid or postpone pregnancy by abstaining from sex during the wife's fertile cycle. But the Christian life is not about what is easy, it’s about what is true, good, and beautiful. And once the physiological and spiritual differences between avoiding pregnancy via contraception and avoiding pregnancy based on Natural Family Planning methods becomes clear, it is evident that the Church, like any good mother, only wants what’s best for her children.

If this is the first time you’re learning this information, you (or your fiancé) may have some questions, which is great! The first step to trusting Christ and the Church is to be open to learning the reasons behind Catholic teaching. Below are the answers to several frequently asked questions (based on my experience as a theology teacher, RCIA instructor, and marriage prep catechist).

Erik Bello Photography.

Frequently Asked Questions about NFP

I heard NFP is the rhythm method, and that the rhythm method isn’t reliable. Is that true?

No! NFP is not the rhythm method. You may have heard that it is because many of our parents and grandparents grew up thinking that was the only “natural” way to space children. Unfortunately, the rhythm method was based on the (faulty) idea that all women ovulate on day 14 of their cycle, which is not the case. Modern Natural Family Planning methods can be used by the majority of women, regardless of the regularity of their cycles, and are scientifically proven to be as effective as birth control when used correctly, because they are based on the observable signs of a woman’s fertility each month. Scroll down for a list of resources if you want to learn more about the different methods of NFP and which one would be best for you.

Isn’t NFP just “natural contraception”?

NFP can be used as a natural form of contraception, but that is not how the Church asks couples to use it. The Church teaches that couples must exercise prayerful and prudential judgment regarding avoiding/spacing pregnancy in each season of their marital life. This means that if a couple has a serious reason to avoid pregnancy or space your pregnancies, they may do so by not having sex during the fertile period of your cycle. It does not mean that Catholic couples may use NFP to indefinitely postpone/avoid pregnancy or avoid pregnancy for selfish reasons.

When is it okay to avoid/space your pregnancies?

The Church teaches that spouses should practice responsible parenting, meaning if a couple discerns that it is not the right time to have another child, the couple may avoid having sex during your fertile time until said problem is resolved. There is no obligation for couples to have sex during a woman’s fertile period each month. Therefore, it is not necessarily sinful to avoid pregnancy or space your pregnancies using NFP. However, it is essential that married couples prayerfully discern these decisions together, and, if need be, with a competent spiritual director.

What if I don’t want ten kids?

The Church does not teach that a woman must have as many children as her body can bear. Some couples are called to have large families, but not all. The important thing is, like in all aspects of the Christian life, to be open to the Lord’s plan being different from our plan. I know couples who desperately wanted to have large families and for whatever reason, have not been able to conceive or “only” have two or three kids. I know couples who never saw themselves having big families, but now have six, seven, or eight kids. Regardless of how many children a couple is blessed with, there will be crosses and difficulties and stressful situations. But there will also be the unspeakable joy that only comes when we let go of our plans and ideas and allow the Lord to take over.

WIll NFP ruin our sex life?

Using NFP to avoid pregnancy involves mutual sacrifice on the part of the husband and wife; it’s not easy to abstain from making love when a woman is fertile, nor is it easy to accept a child when he or she wasn’t “planned.” But it also involves increased communication between husband and wife, which can result in more intimacy, not less. The Church maintains that God would not ask something of us without giving us the grace to do it, which is one of the reasons why marriage is a Sacrament. That said, couples who practice NFP need the support and encouragement of like-minded couples, which is why building Catholic community in the local parish (or even online) is so important.

Do I have to learn/practice NFP?

Some couples have a “come what may” philosophy when it comes to family planning. They don’t learn or practice NFP (or use contraception). That is something that each couple must discern. However, it is a good idea to learn an NFP method in case you need it in the future to 1) become pregnant (this is actually one of the primary reasons why many couples practice NFP) or 2) avoid pregnancy should an issue arise later in your marriage. It’s also incredibly helpful for both husband and wife to understand and appreciate a woman’s cycle, especially if it is irregular. So many potential fertility issues can be resolved by practicing basic fertility awareness using NFP, and seeking out an NFP-only OB/GYN to address those issues.

Personally, I’m grateful that I began charting my cycle long before I met my husband, because I discovered that I have a progesterone deficiency, which can lead to difficulties becoming and/or staying pregnant. Thanks to NFP and my progesterone supplements, we are pregnant with our first child, and it only took us two cycles to conceive.

The bottom line:

Our perennial temptation as fallen human beings is to make idols. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we want to be our own gods, to make our own rules, and to live life on our terms. But if we’re honest with ourselves, we know how destructive that way of life is, even though it may seem easier in the short term. What Christ and the Church ask of us isn’t easy: surrender never is. But we’re not surrendering to a capricious God who wants us as his slaves; we’re surrendering to a loving Father who loves us as his children. Choosing to say “yes” to the Church’s teachings on marital chastity is not easy, but because God is the author of marriage and sex, following His commandments is the only true, good, and beautiful way to live out this vocation.

Resource List:

Books

Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla (St. John Paul II)

Humanae Vitae by Pope Paul VI

Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler (not Catholic, but a good resource on fertility awareness)

The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning by Simcha Fisher

Articles/Blog posts:

Contraception: Why Not? By Dr. Janet Smith

Why not just use birth control? Some possible right answers. & NFP in real life: hard, but worth it. (both by Jenny Uebbing of Mama Needs Coffee)

When Natural Family Planning doesn’t go according to your plan (by Christy Isinger of Fountains of Home)

NFP should be a part of parish life (by Haley Stewart of Carrots for Michaelmas)

Dear Newlywed: you’re probably worried about the wrong thing. (by Kendra Tierney of Catholic All Year)

Podcast: Uncharted Territory: Getting Real about Natural Family Planning (Jenny Uebbing, Haley Stewart, and Christy Isinger)

General fertility education:

Natural Womanhood

Indy Fertility Care Blog

In Touch Fertility

NFP Methods:

The Couple to Couple League (Sympto-thermal NFP)

The Billings Method of NFP

The Creighton Method of NFP

The Marquette Method of NFP

NFP-friendly Medical Providers:

The Guiding Star Project (holistic women’s health clinics)

NaProTECHNOLOGY Practitioners in the United States

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Betrothal Ceremony | Danielle + Jeff

You may remember Danielle and Jeff from their "How He Asked" feature, published in June. Today, we're excited to share with you their betrothal ceremony, a traditional Catholic rite of blessing for engaged couples. If you're not familiar with the Rite of Betrothal, read on to find out what it is, how it's done, and why they are increasingly popular amongst young Catholics. 

In Danielle's words: On Sunday, March 12, 2017, Jeff and I arranged for the priest at St. Joseph Catholic Church in Miesville, MN, to celebrate the Solemn Rite of Betrothal for us after Mass in the Extraordinary Form. It only lasted about 15 minutes, but it was a beautiful little ceremony for blessing our engagement.

For those who are not familiar, the Rite of Betrothal, in the Catholic Church, is a free, mutual, true promise, vocally expressed between a man and woman who pledge themselves for future marriage to one another. It is a praiseworthy tradition to have a Catholic couple’s engagement solemnized and blessed by the Church. Although it is not a sacrament, it is a sacramental and a canonically binding agreement between both parties.

Since we wished to enter into this agreement, Jeff and I went up to the communion rail to meet the priest once Mass had ended. Then the priest began the ritual with song and prayer. He said,

Beloved of Christ: It is the dispensation of Divine Providence that you are called to the holy vocation of marriage. For this reason you present yourselves today before Christ and His Church, before His sacred minister and the devout people of God, to ratify in solemn manner the engagement bespoken between you.

The priest continued with his allocution and then asked us to join our right hands together.

The priest asked for us to repeat after him, starting with Jeff.

Jeff, holding my hand, looked at me very lovingly, and said,

In the name of our Lord, I, Jeff Rother, promise that I will one day take thee, Danielle Duet, as my wife, according to the ordinances of God and holy Church. I will love thee even as myself. I will keep faith and loyalty to thee, and so in thy necessities aid and comfort thee; which things and all that man ought to do unto his espoused I promise to do unto thee and to keep by the faith that is in me.

Then, looking into Jeff’s eyes, I said,

In the name of our Lord, I, Danielle Duet, in the form and manner wherein thou hast promised thyself unto me, do declare and affirm that I will one day bind and oblige myself unto thee, and will take thee, Jeffrey Rother, as my husband. And all that thou hast pledged unto me I promise to do and keep unto thee, by the faith that is in me.

After, the priest took the two ends of his stole and in the form of a cross placed them over our clasped hands. Then he declared us betrothed and sprinkled holy water over us in the form of a cross. Afterward, he blessed my engagement ring. 

Jeff took the ring and placed it on my index finger saying, "In the name of the Father," then on my middle finger, "and of the Son," and finally placing it on my ring finger, "and of the Holy Spirit. Amen." The priest finished the readings for the Rite of Betrothal and two witnesses came up to sign the document, along with our signatures and that of the priest.

It was a beautiful moment for us and I am very happy we chose to participate in this holy tradition of the Church. I believe it has added abundant blessings and graces to our engagement, which I firmly believe will continue manifest even more fully once we enter into the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.

Photography: Alyssa Michelle Photography | Church: St. Joseph Catholic Church, Miesville, Minnesota | Engagement Ring: Gittelson Jewelers 

I Dos and Don'ts: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Tracking Your Vendor Payments

ANDI COMPTON

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

Andi recently shared info and worksheets on organizing your vendor contacts; this month, she's designed a user-friendly spreadsheet for keeping track of payments and deadlines.

Planning an event--namely, your wedding--with so many moving parts can be overwhelming. Because you’re working with so many vendors and making so many purchases within a short amount of time, we highly recommend getting everything out of your head, onto paper. That way, it’s simpler to really see what you’ve done and what still needs to addressed.

On that note, this printable tracker is designed to help you keep track of all your vendor payments. Assembling your wedding day dream team is so much fun, but after initial thrill wears off, it’s key to keep good records of whom you have paid, when you did so, how much you still owe, and if you would like to give them a gratuity.

Happy Planning!

Click to download your copy of the Vendor Payment Tracker.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Vendor Spotlight | Karly Jo Photography

In good times and in bad, it’s impossible to separate marriage from family: bride and bridegroom each approach the altar with their own particular origins, wounds, and strengths as they profess their love and fidelity before their relatives and as they embark on their first day as a new family. All of this transpires before the Tabernacle and the Cross, two realities that unite the entire Church: we, Christ’s sons and daughters, his body on earth.

Since marriage and family, life and love are so interconnected, then, it makes a lot of sense that Karly Schafer’s journey to professional photography was shaped by her own family. Karly’s grandfather taught his son, Karly’s father, the art of taking beautiful and technically skilled photos, and her father taught her, starting when Karly received her first camera from her mom in third grade.

Karly enjoyed photography as a hobby for years, and occasionally second shot at weddings. As she planned her own wedding, photography’s unique strength as a storytelling medium struck her, and as she entered into newlywed life, contemplating what sort of career change might lend itself well to eventual motherhood, Karly made the decision to go back to school and earn a Photography degree. By 2011, her business, Karly Jo Photography, was up and running.

These years of creative awakening were accompanied by a spiritual one. Though she’d been born into the Catholic faith, Karly’s family never practiced much. Following the death of her mother, a deeply prayerful woman, Karly was struck by a desire to make the Church the center of her life and entered RCIA. Five years later, as their family grew, Karly’s husband was received into the Church, as well. Though they’ve shot weddings together here and there, her husband generally cares for their four children as Karly travels throughout her native Wisconsin and beyond for weddings and family portrait sessions. Her intimate, film-like images convey Karly’s photojournalistic style, influenced by subtle direction and a desire to make your story--and your family--known and seen.

From Karly: I consider myself to be primarily a photojournalist. I’m capturing things in the moment, as they unfold, to tell the story of your day. Traditional portraiture is also essential, as formal & artistic portraits are a wonderful tradition which help tell the story of your family through the years.

My clients often become my friends. I love getting to know them and their families, being sure to tell the whole story from their day which includes the people they love most.

Karly Jo Photography has been featured on Green Wedding Shoes, Wisconsin Bride, Pretty My Party,  and Northwoods Wedding.

KARLY JO PHOTOGRAPHY | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Caroline + Matt | New Orleans Holiday Wedding

Caroline and Matt were friends at LSU for months after they first met. The night they became boyfriend and girlfriend, both made it clear to the other that they only desired to enter into a dating relationship with the possibility of marriage in mind. Matt said “I love you” for the first time while Caroline was baking his favorite Christmas cookies. She wasn’t sure if his heart or his stomach was talking more, but he said the words again shortly after. This time, Matt’s declaration was followed by a long talk about marriage, a future family, and a lifelong commitment to each other in good times and in bad.

By senior year, the two were discussing what their entrance into the real world would look like, praying their relationship could weather the storm of distance and new responsibilities.

From the Bride: Our campus parish equipped us in our faith life so fruitfully for the years to follow. We made a Marian consecration via 33 Days to Morning Glory, for instance, and our hearts have been on fire for Our Lady and the Holy Family ever since. My struggles with hypothyroidism led to a doctor who guided me in the Creighton Model of NFP, which has been a great gift to us in marriage. That same doctor presented a wonderful Theology of the Body-based talk at the university! I loved watching Matt’s involvement in ministry and the solace the Church itself, providing us great comfort time and again.

Seven months after graduation, Matt proposed in front of our favorite spot to say the Rosary at the Christ the King chapel where we’d spent so many hours at LSU. He gathered our friends and family at our favorite restaurant nearby for a surprise party, a night I’ll always treasure.

We found our Pre-Cana experience an invaluable gift from the Church--the priest mentioned during our wedding homily how sad we were when we completed the requirements! Our Engaged Encounter was life changing, a time of recognizing a renewed patience and loving acceptance to whatever Christ has planned for us in life.

Our engagement retreat also included the exercise of writing promises and prayers to each other, known as betrothals, Writing ours was funny, and also tender. When we read them to each other before of a statue of St. Joseph--Matt’s patron Saint--we could hardly speak through the tears. When the opportunity came to read them in front of the group, we knew we absolutely could not--it was too emotional. That moment made us even more grateful the Church writes our vows for us.

We hoped for a winter wedding and were able to get married on the birthday of Saint Bernadette, my patroness. To acknowledge the date, We placed a statue of Our Lady of Lourdes on our reception welcome table.

I found the Praise and Worship singers for our nuptial Mass while in the confessional at a holy hour event! One of my bridesmaids is a moving vocalist, also, who took part in the music. Our Mass selections ultimately included Forever Reign, How Can I Keep From Singing, Hold Us Together, Hosanna, How He Loves, and Ave Maria.

Family was central to the religious significance of the day. My grandfather is a Deacon who has celebrated sacraments for many of his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. He helped Matt and I choose our readings and keep everything organized so that the Mass, the most important part of our day, would be engaging and impactful. My godson was the ring bearer, carrying our rings in the rosary box we had with us the night Matt proposed.

I also wrapped my great grandmother's rosary around my bouquet. Her parents bought each of their daughters a silver rosary, but when it was my great grandmother's turn, they were in the midst of a crippled economy. Her parents scraped enough money together to buy it anyway. It fell apart over the years, but months before the wedding, my grandmother had it repaired at her parish! We included in the Mass a special family prayer said throughout the Archdiocese of New Orleans.

Honoring Mary during our wedding was such a special moment for us. We were able to kneel before our Blessed Mother in the same spot Pope John Paul II did during his visit to New Orleans. The Blessed Sacrament is, of course, the absolute climax of our earthly life. Matt and I were able to be ministers of the Eucharist to our guests, which meant so much to us. The Mass truly felt like Heaven on Earth.

For the reception, my cousin designed a custom Fleur De Lis graphic featuring the words “Love will hold us together,” from the Matt Maher song I chose for my walk down the aisle and for our first dance. Our cake had the words Totus Tuus, or “totally yours,” written on it. These words were Pope Saint John Paul II’s motto, ones I chose to have engraved in Matt’s wedding ring. The cake had one traditional tier atop a stand of petit fours, a classic dessert in our city, with cake pulls, a New Orleans tradition wherein bridesmaids pull a charm out of the cake to tell a special fortune or attribute about the woman who pulls it.

Instead of a garter toss, Matt did a kickoff: he and his Best Man played punter and kicker, and my brother, a groomsman, was a holder. They teamed up to kick a football to all the single men at the reception.

Our reception ended with a Second Line, a tradition formed by African Americans after the Civil War. Membership benefits originally included a brass band for members’ funerals, along with at least one public parade per year with music. Second Lines celebrate not only the life of the dead at funerals, but also new life at weddings and other modern celebrations.

On our honeymoon we were blessed to meet Pope Francis for the sposi novelli blessing. We thanked our wedding guests with a blessing that we hope will one day be a relic!

I love that in the Catholic Church, we are always free to re-celebrate the most important part of our wedding day: Christ makes himself available to us in the Eucharist, heaven on earth. We are always welcome to join him, anywhere in the world. The love I have for my husband is but a fraction of the love that God has for me. Christ gives us the gift of intimacy with Himself, and His bride, the Church, is more beautiful than any part of any wedding day. Christ’s Church equips us with all of the tools for the marriage that we pray for, and then some.

L'Osservatore Romano

Photography: JC Williams Photography | Church: St. Louis Cathedral, New Orleans | Wedding Reception Venue: Intercontinental New Orleans | Videography: Second Line Films | Musicians: Colin MacIver and Karista Filopoulos | Second Line Coordinator: Accent DMC | Cake: Debbie Heyd of The Roosevelt, New Orleans | Hair: Gina Marie | Makeup: Emma Stasi | Dress: Oliver Couture | Veil: Blanca Veils | Flowers: A Floral | Graphic Design: Meredith Johnson | Tuxedos: Rome’s Tuxedos

Pre-marital Counseling: The Wedding Gift that Keeps on Giving.

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY 

One of the first things my now husband, Kristian, and I did after we got engaged was call his therapist--who also happens to be a marriage and family counselor--and make an appointment to meet with him as a couple. In the midst of the craziness of wedding planning and adjusting to new jobs, Kristian and I carved out time each week to go to counseling, both as a couple and as individuals. Both of us had been in individual counseling for awhile at that point, which made our premarital counseling even more fruitful. And while it cost money and time, we both agree that going to therapy was the best thing we did (other than praying together daily and frequenting the sacraments) to prepare for marriage.

If you’ve never been to therapy/counseling, this may sound strange. Why would you go to counseling as a couple before you even get married? Doesn’t that mean that you’re “messed up” or crazy--or that your relationship is already on rocky ground? Isn’t therapy just for people with a diagnosed mental illness or serious relationship issues?

Absolutely not. The reality is that we live in a fallen world, and even if we came from a relatively healthy family, we have been wounded by the sins of others--often in ways that can remain hidden until we get engaged, married, or start having children. That said, I know that many Catholics are skeptical about the value of therapy, so I’ve compiled a short list of reasons why you and your fiancé might consider going--either as individuals, a couple, or both.

Photography: 31 Four Artisan Jewelry

Therapy can strengthen your relationship with the Lord.

Our bodies, minds, and souls are so deeply connected that our psychological and emotional wounds can have a negative impact both on our physical health and our relationship with Christ. Some women (and men) have such difficult relationships with their fathers that they find it nearly impossible to address God as “Father.” Before I started going to therapy and taking medication, in spite of my excellent spiritual director, my anxiety was so intense that I could rarely sit still for longer than a few minutes, which made it almost impossible to pray. In my experience, a competent Catholic or Christian therapist can help you reach a deeper level of intimacy with the Lord by giving you the tools to clear out any psychological or emotional obstacles that may be in the way.

Individual therapy helps you identify your wounds and begin to heal.

Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to by physically or sexually abused to have emotional wounds. As you may have already discovered, engagement can bring out old wounds related to family, ex-boyfriends, etc, which can cause fear and anxiety regarding your impending marriage. Regardless of what your wounds are, we all have them. And the only way those wounds will heal is if they are brought into the light.

Self-medication through coping mechanisms (work, shopping, alcohol, food, dieting, exercise, Netflix binging, etc) only works for so long--and it definitely doesn’t work well when you’re trying to love another person in sickness and in health, till death do you part. A competent therapist can help you uncover your wounds, assess them honestly, and begin the healing process so that you can avoid hurting others, especially your future husband and children, because of your wounds.

Your therapist can help you break cycles of dysfunction.

Each one of us comes from a different “school of relationship”; that is, we all learned how to love (or hate), how to fight (or avoid conflict), how to forgive (or hold grudges), how to maintain healthy boundaries (or put up walls), from our families of origin, and especially from our parents--who came from their own schools of relationship that may have been dysfunctional to varying degrees.

No matter how well we were taught by our parents and siblings, we were still taught by flawed human beings. There are probably a few lessons we never learned and a few we need to forget. Therapy can help you and your fiancé sort through what you want to keep from your families of origin, and bring into your own marriage, and what types of dysfunctional behavior you want to avoid. 

Couples therapy can help you and your fiancé pinpoint and work toward resolving potential areas of conflict before you get married.

Marriage and family therapists agree that most couples come to counseling several years too late. The best time to get counseling is before any major problems surface, which is why pre-marital counseling is such a good idea. And while you may be required to meet with a priest or deacon a few times as part of your marriage prep, he simply won’t have the time or training to give you what a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) can. This is especially important if you or your fiancé has a history of addictive behavior, comes from an abusive family, or has experienced trauma of any kind in previous relationships.

A final note: I know many couples worry about the financial strain that paying a counselor may cause, but when you consider that you and your fiancé will be married for the rest of your lives, it becomes clear that putting money toward therapy is a better investment than buying your dream wedding dress, going on a fancy honeymoon, or having two meat options at your reception. Therapy is the only gift that will keep on giving for the rest of your married life.

If you have any questions or want more information on how to locate a Catholic therapist in your area, please email me at christina@spokenbride.com .

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Distinctively Catholic Ways to Commemorate the Dead on Your Wedding Day

As you and your beloved prepare to become one, transforming into your own new family at the altar, matters surrounding your families of origin, and their roles in your wedding plans, tend to highlight the nature of your relationships for better and for worse. One particular wound that might rise to the surface of your hearts is the pain of loss: how can you come to terms with the absence of certain loved ones on your wedding day, and how can you commemorate and honor them, holding them in prayer, as you celebrate?

PHOTOGRAPHY: NICOLE SANDERCOCK PHOTOGRAPHY AS SEEN IN AMANDA + EVAN’S RUSTIC ROSE-COLORED WEDDING

Alongside thoughtful general traditions like lighting candles and displaying photos or albums of those who can’t join you earthside at your wedding, a distinctively Catholic approach to commemorating the dead could look like, first, intercessory prayer, and second, highlighting the uniqueness of every human person. Here, four ways to honor family and friends whom you’ve lost, while actively serving and praying for them:

Invite your wedding guests to pray for the dead.

Particularly if a loved one suffered before his or her death, it’s a common comfort to those left behind to consider that the individual is now at rest or “in a better place.” While, of course, we hold the hope of heavenly freedom for all those we’ve lost, as Catholics we also acknowledge that the road to paradise is merciful, yet just.

Your nuptial Mass presents an invitation to your guests not only to remember those no longer present, but to pray on behalf of their souls. In an In Memoriam section of your Mass program, or during the Prayers of the Faithful, consider writing a brief explanation of intercessory prayer and how it offers an opportunity to continue expressing love and charity for the dead, even when they are no longer with us. Here’s a sample passage from us that you're welcome to include in your text:

When it comes to heaven and eternal rest, Catholics put faith in God’s mercy and justice; that is, “All who die in God's grace and friendship, but still imperfectly purified, are indeed assured of their eternal salvation; but after death they undergo purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church [CCC] 1030). Intercessory prayer is a form of petition in service of another: “In intercession, he who prays looks "not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others" (CCC 2635). As we lift up our intentions at this point in the Mass, we invite you to pray on behalf of [names of those you’d like to commemorate], all souls heaven-bound in purgatory, and all those you have lost, that they might be made holy and enter into the joy of heaven, the Father’s eternal wedding feast.

Raise a glass to a close loved one who can’t attend your wedding in the flesh.

It’s hard to illustrate the reality and emphasize the special nature of each individual human person to those who didn’t personally know him or her, simply because every person is entirely unique and unrepeatable, containing fathomless depths and complexities. If someone you were particularly close to, such as a parent or sibling, is not with you in body on your wedding day, it can be painful to acknowledge that some friends and relatives of your new spouse will never know him or her in this life.

But you can put forth your best effort at bringing this person’s memory to life. Consider delivering a toast describing your loved one to both those who knew him and those who didn’t, expressing the joy you found in your relationship and its effects on you leading to your wedding day. Sharing a glimpse of special individuals gifts others with a revelation of who they are, in a specific, personal way, and what they’ve meant to you.

Carry or use a special item of your loved one’s on your big day.

This might be a sentimental or religious item, like a Rosary or piece of jewelry, but if such an item isn’t an easily available option, brainstorm other family heirlooms or special belongings that might invoke the memory of the person you’ve lost. Ideas you might consider are serving one of her favorite recipes as part of a dessert table, using her china or servingware for you and your spouse’s wedding cake, or displaying a collection of his or hers as part of your reception décor.

Offer the crosses of your engagement and wedding planning for the repose of the souls of those you’ve lost.

What if, among those who aren’t able to be present at your wedding, there’s an individual you shared a difficult relationship with? For those with whom you struggled or those who hurt you in this life--and even for those with whom you didn’t--there is mercy and redemption in offering your trials for their souls. Through a mounting to-do list, spiritual attack, and stress as your big day approaches, you’ll find joy flows from putting another before yourself. Pray for the repose and salvation of the souls of your absent friends and family, and rest in knowing none of your difficulties are meaningless.

We know and understand that significant life events tend to increase the ache of loss. Know of our prayers for you if you’re planning your wedding day without someone you always thought would be with you on the journey, and don’t hesitate to reach out if we can pray for you in a specific way. If there are particular traditions or practices you’ve taken up or included in your Mass and reception plans, ones that have borne healing or fond memories, we’d love to hear them in the comments and on our social media.

Heather + Jude | Bohemian Bayside Wedding

Heather and Jude met and fell in love in college, where they built a foundation that sustained them through five years of very long distance dating: Heather's career took her to New York City, while Jude was living across the Atlantic in France!  "As difficult as it was, Heather recalls, "I wouldn't change anything about that time in our relationship, because we learned to communicate and appreciate our time together in new ways." When they finally got engaged on a cloudy Sunday morning on a beach in Florida, they had been together for seven years, Heather was on her way to becoming Catholic, and it was clear that the Lord had beautiful things in store for this faithful couple. 

From the Bride: We were engaged for 11 months, during which we relocated to the South to be closer to our families and I attended RCIA in order to be fully received into the Catholic Church. I was actually confirmed on the night of our wedding rehearsal, with all of our closest friends and family present. The next day, we were married in our hometown of Fairhope, AL at the prettiest little chapel called Sacred Heart.

For the ceremony, Roman Street played acoustic guitars as we arrived at the chapel. Jubilee Flowers created a gorgeous garland that arched the doorway with roses and other blooms. My father walked me down the aisle, telling funny jokes along the way, where we met my family, family-to-be, and Father Boni. With a chapel full of loved ones, the ceremony was as personal as it was spiritual. The sun was setting over the bay just as everyone exited the chapel, setting the perfect tone for our casual-yet-romantic reception.

The reception was held at a beautiful event space in downtown Fairhope called The Venue. Jude and I enjoyed our first dance together to the song "Only You" by Yaz while my dad and I shared a dance to Roman Street's cover of "My Girl" by The Temptations. The food was a combination of Southern-inspired dishes with a flair of Creole spice, and the cake was made by local cake artist Jan Taylor. A sparkler exit sent us on our way at the end of the evening. 

My dress was a two-piece ensemble, which included a custom crop top by Kelly Faetanini and silk chiffon skirt by Catherine Deane. My cathedral veil was made by the team at Kleinfeld. My talented cousin Mary of One Suite Day created our custom invitations, programs, and signage and Brad Burckel of Du Castel Photography captured everything through the weekend perfectly.

Heather's spiritual takeaway from her wedding day: Being married traditionally in a church was very important to my husband and me, and I'm so thankful we were able to have a wedding in the way that we did. We put God at the center of our planning process and He blessed us with perfect 75 degree weather, a brilliant sunset, safe travels for everyone who came from so far away, and much more. It's easy to get caught up in all the details of a wedding, but we did our best to focus on our purpose and people, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Photography: Du Castel Photography | Nuptial Mass or Engagement Location: Sacred Heart Chapel (of St Lawrence Catholic Church) in Fairhope, AL | Wedding Reception Venue : The Venue in Fairhope, AL | Flowers (bouquet, flower crown, bouts, decor): Jubilee Flowers | Crop top: Kelly Faetanini | Veil: Kleinfeld Bridal | Skirt: Catherine Deane, BHLDN | Earrings: Samantha Wills | Bridesmaids dresses: Jenny Yoo | Groom Suit: The Black Tux | Groom Shoes: Allen Edmonds | Bride’s ring: Anna Sheffield | Groom’s ring: Benchmark from Ware Jewelers | Invitations, Programs, Signage: One Suite Day | Band: Roman Street | Illustrations: Illustrative Moments | Cake: Jan Taylor Cakes of Fairhope, AL

Writing Your Own Prayers of the Faithful

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast.

Most of the elements of Catholic wedding liturgies are pretty set in stone, as they should be: the liturgy is not a human creation but a divine gift, and the structure and unity of the Mass reminds us of this truth. What many couples don’t realize is that, as long as you keep within certain guidelines, you and your fiancé are permitted to write your own prayers of the faithful for your nuptial Mass. Kristian and I ended up with 21 petitions (What can I say? I love intercessory prayer!), but I don’t think anyone at our wedding minded. In fact, a few guests asked me to share our prayers of the faithful with them after the wedding, so that they could use them during personal prayer.

Yorch Sans Fotografia

If you’re not familiar with the process of writing intercessory prayers, or the idea intimidates you, be not afraid! It’s not as difficult as it sounds, and below you’ll find lots of tips and even examples that you can copy and paste directly from this post to include in your own prayers of the faithful.

Before we get into specifics, there are two things to keep in mind when writing liturgical petitions:

Petitions should not be mini-homilies. Keep them short and sweet, and keep the tone prayerful vs. preachy.

Follow the Church’s preferred petition order: pray for the Church first, then the world, the burdened, the local community, the dead, and your personal intentions.

Let’s break each of those down:

Prayer(s) for the Church.

Every act of liturgical Catholic prayer (including the liturgy of the hours) is the prayer of the entire Church. Thus, it makes sense that we always include the Body of Christ in our general intercessions. The minimalist way to go is to pray a broad and general prayer for the Church, which is fine, but if you want to be a bit more specific, consider including some or all of the following:

For the Holy Father, Pope Francis [add your specific intention for the Holy Father here]...

For Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI [add your specific intention for Benedict XVI here]...

For all bishops, priests, and deacons, especially those present at this Mass [you can name them here]...

For all religious and consecrated men and women, especially [insert name of religious men and women among your friends and family]...

For all lay Christians, that through prayer, the grace of the Sacraments, and acts of charity, we might become more credible witnesses to our friends and family who do not know Christ.

For the healing of the divisions among Christians--that we may all be of one heart and mind as Jesus prayed we would be.

For all persecuted Christians, that they would be strengthened and encouraged by our prayers and advocacy.

Prayer(s) for the world.

As Catholics, we are called to love all of God’s creation, including people with whom we disagree, those we consider our enemies, the poor, the disenfranchised, our government leaders, and so on. For example:

For an end to attacks on human dignity throughout the world, especially human trafficking, abortion, pornography, economic injustice, war, and religious persecution.

For our government leaders...

Prayer(s) for the burdened. This one is pretty self-explanatory, and provides us with the opportunity to honor those who are suffering from sickness or other burdens among our families and friends.

For all of the sick, especially those in our families, that they would experience the healing power of Christ. In particular, we pray for [insert names of family and friends who are sick here].

Prayer(s) for the local community.

This is your opportunity to pray for your guests. Kristian and I focused on vocations, specifically the vocation to marriage.

For all married couples, especially those who are carrying heavy crosses, that they would receive the strength and hope that they need to be visible signs of Christ’s love in the world.

For all couples who struggle with infertility, that they would know of Christ and his Mother’s closeness to them in their suffering.

For all couples who are divorced or separated, that they would receive the grace of healing and forgiveness.

For all of those single men and women who are waiting for the fulfillment of their vocation, that they would receive the grace to live this time well, with the hope that comes from knowing that their lives are in God’s hands. [Note: My friend Anamaria included a petition like this in her wedding Mass, and I was so touched that she remembered her single friends that I made a mental note of it in case I ever got married.]

Prayer(s) for the dead.

This is a wonderful opportunity to honor those in your families who aren’t able to attend your wedding in the flesh. Many couples opt to name all of their loved ones who have died in recent years. Example: 

For the salvation of all of our beloved dead, especially [include names of deceased loved ones here]. May all of those who mourn their loss be comforted by the hope of the Resurrection.

Personal intentions.

This is where you have a lot of freedom to pray for whatever is most dear to your hearts as a couple, such as your family’s role in bringing you to this sacrament, your friends, former mentors, and of course, your own marriage. Here’s what we did:

In thanksgiving for Christina and Kristian’s parents, who gave them the gifts of life, love, and faith in Christ and his Church.

In thanksgiving for Christina and Kristian’s siblings, nieces and nephews, and extended families, whose love, prayers, and support throughout the years have been instrumental in bringing them to the altar of marriage.

For the intentions of the Dehan, Lyons, Jaloway, and Ruhnke families.

For all of Christina and Kristian’s former students, that they would become the men and women God created them to be.

For Christina and Kristian, that they would never tire of loving one another as Christ has loved us.

Yorch Sans Fotografia

We hope this guide is helpful for those of you who want to write your own prayers of the faithful, but aren’t sure where to start; please feel free to share it with all of the Catholic brides-to-be that you know. For those of you who are already married, did you write your own intentions or use the pre-written ones provided by your priest/deacon? We’d love to hear from you in the comments!

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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We Want to Share Your Story

Our mission at Spoken Bride is to be a witness of the beauty of the Catholic understanding of the sacrament of marriage, and we are truly grateful for the ways that our vendors, contributors, and newly engaged and married couples help us do just that. If you haven't considered submitting your story to Spoken Bride, we hope you will. In addition to wedding features, we are particularly interested in the following: 

Jeremy Wong Weddings

Proposal stories - This spring we launched our "How He Asked" series. We are always looking for newly engaged couples and their proposal stories. Professional photography is encouraged, but not required for this submission. 

Betrothal Ceremonies - If you and your fiancé decide to take advantage of the Church's traditional betrothal ceremony, consider sharing it with us! Again, professional photography is encouraged, but not required. 

Weddings featuring mixed cultures and ethnicities - Our Church is beautifully diverse! We would love to showcase and share its many countries and cultural traditions. 

Weddings featuring various Catholic Rites - Spoken Bride isn't just for Novus Ordo Catholics: we love to hear from couples whose wedding liturgies were celebrated in other rites (Byzantine, Tridentine, Maronite, Armenian, etc.). The Church is many parts and is universal! Let's celebrate it and share it with others. 

International Weddings - Know of a Catholic couple who got married outside the US? We'd love to feature their wedding! 

Convalidations - Catholics originally married outside of the Church, who wish to have their marriage recognized as a permanent and sacramental covenant, do what is called a convalidation ceremony. It's our honor to share the stories of real couples who've felt called to make that covenant.

Styled Shoots - Are you a vendor who has recently collaborated with others to create a beautiful styled shoot? We'd love to share the inspiration and images from the shoot. Please note: If you attended a workshop with a styled shoot incorporated for the attendees and you would like to submit it, you will need to get permission from the head of the workshop before doing so. 

Original articles on anything related to engagement, marriage, wedding planning, etc- Your reflections, advice, and musings on the beauty of the sacrament of marriage are invaluable to us and our community here at Spoken Bride. If you have an idea for a post that fits with our mission, please send it our way. Please note that we cannot use pieces that have been published previously on other websites or publications. Editorial policies can be found here in full.

If you have questions or want more information on requirements for different types of submissions, check out our submissions page or email us at hello@spokenbride.com. We look forward to hearing from you and sharing what the Lord has done in your life with our Spoken Bride community! 

Amy + Jake | Midwinter Mountain Wedding

Amy says she would have laughed out loud if, back in middle school, she’d been told she would marry the shy young man who asked her to dance at their school’s cotillion. But providence delights in revealing to us the most wonderful surprises.

Amy and Jake became fast friends in high school when they found themselves on the same speech and debate team, making each other laugh and offering support through breakups and debate competitions. The next thing they knew, they were dating.

The two attended the same college and same semester abroad in Rome, where their faith and relationship deepened. It was in the Eternal City that the realization hit: their vocation was marriage, to each other.

During Amy’s summer job in Alaska, Jake flew out to visit and brought her to a mountain lake. In true Harry Potter fan style, he presented Amy with a golden Snitch, saying, “since you’re such a catch, will you marry me?”

 From the Bride: The beginning of our engagement was indescribably precious. At the time, I was living with a priest and his wife--they were former Methodists who’d converted to the Catholic faith after marriage. Immediately after Jake proposed, we received a blessing from the priest and were able to worship in the perpetual Adoration chapel at his parish. Throughout our engagement, we prepared through a weekly holy hour and guidance from our college chaplain, who would marry us. We celebrated Valentine’s Day with an Engaged Encounter retreat. Although our 18-month engagement often felt endless, it allowed us to prayerfully prepare every moment of our wedding day.

 When planning the wedding, we knew certain trends related to vendors, timing, and dress weren’t entirely our style. We opted for a morning wedding with a brunch reception in the parish hall, with a wall of windows letting in the daylight. We were married in the same church my parents had met and married at, and which Jake’s grandparents had attended throughout their lives in Colorado Springs. We chose bright colors and shorter bridesmaids dresses, despite the midwinter date.

I knew I would cry throughout the day, but I didn’t realize just how much! It all started when Jake and I met to pray together before the Mass. As I held his hand, behind his back so he couldn’t see me, we both teared up. Fortunately, I was carrying a handkerchief from his grandmother, who had passed away earlier in the year, as my Something Old. My tears continued as my bridesmaids and sister-in-law prayed over me before the Mass, showering me with their love.

As my dad and I walked down the aisle in the glorious morning sun, the truth of the moment hit me: we were finally entering into our vocation. To do so in the church we’d grown up in felt like home, and each part of our liturgy reflected that. We used chalices that were donated in Jake’s grandparents’ names and had family share their musical gifts throughout the Mass. Nothing was more precious than being surrounded by our loved ones as we made our vows--ones I could barely finish through more happy tears.

Two moments from our wedding Mass stand out in my memory. First, as our priest recited the nuptial blessing over us, he asked each attendee to offer up their intentions for us and ask for any graces they wanted us to receive in marriage. I have never felt the Holy Spirit more powerfully than in that moment of silence.

Second, to honor our Blessed Mother, Jake and I offered her roses as my sister sang the Ave Maria. Choking up with tears from the beauty of the moment, we prayed a Memorare to Mary, asking that she bless our life together.

 Along with tears came wonderful laughter throughout the day. As we signed the marriage license, our wedding party was cordoned in the confessional. One of our groomsmen popped a bottle of champagne to celebrate and spilled nearly the whole bottle on the floor, leading to some wonderful photos of our horrified and cracking up bridesmaids.

For the reception, I’d learned calligraphy for invitations and place cards and handmade them with my sister. We painted wine bottles for centerpieces and printed crossword puzzles for guests to complete. Jake’s cousin created a beautiful wooden cake stand with our initials on it, which now sits at our front door.

After Jake’s dad blessed the food, we greeted our guests at the head of the buffet line. I highly recommend this –nobody skips out on food, and this lets you forego a receiving line! Our brunch included our favorite foods: breakfast burritos, crepes, grilled cheese and cinnamon rolls.

 In lieu of a first dance, we chose to include a scavenger hunt and musical chairs game for the wedding party. They competed to determine whether the Maids of Honor or Best Man would give their toast first. As the Best Man and my sisters alternated singing and sharing memories, I couldn’t help but cry again. My sweet sisters stole the show, and our guests talked about their speech for weeks after.

We emerged from the reception to cheers of joy and a shower of confetti, captured perfectly by our photographer. Since we were leaving early the next morning--New Year’s Day--for our honeymoon, we stayed at the hall to clean up and attend evening Mass. What a blessing it was to spend that first peaceful hour after our guests departed in prayer and thanksgiving for the gift of marriage!

Venerable Fulton Sheen writes, “The vocation to marriage is a vocation to happiness, which comes through holiness and sanctity,” something I think about when I’m asked how married life is. It is both new and familiar in ways I never expected. On one hand, it is a natural continuation of our relationship. Day-to-day chores are the same; our relationship and love for each other are not drastically changed. However, there is an incredible intimacy which wasn’t there before. We continue to grow--spiritually, emotionally and physically--together as we’ve developed habits of prayer, tradition and sacrifice, all reflecting the beauty of our vocation to true happiness that began on our wedding day.

Photography: Lionhearted Photography | Church: St. Patrick Roman Catholic Church, Colorado Springs, CO | Wedding Reception Venue: Julie Penrose Hall, St. Paul Catholic Church, Colorado Springs, CO | Rings: Shane Co. (Bride), Hurdles Jewelry, Boulder, CO (Groom) | Caterer/Cake/Flowers: Bon Appetit Catering | Dress: Leanne Marshall | Shoes: Sseko Designs | Bridesmaids Dresses: Adrianna Papell | Photobooth/Emcee: HEPS DJ and Photobooth

An Open Letter to My Past Self, on Her Wedding Day

KRISTI DENOY

You’re a bride. Today is your wedding day: the culmination of your months of planning, stressing, laughing, crying, DIYing, and writing really large checks that made you die a little on the inside. Today concludes the preparation and tough conversations you’ve had with the man who will become your husband.

Congratulations.

Du Castel Photography 

Enjoy today, beautiful bride. But know today is just the first day of your vocation. Know today will be a whirlwind—of emotions, of time. It’s going to be a blur when you look back. Also know that it won’t be anything like the millions of romantic comedy weddings you’ve witnessed (and yeah, okay, sometimes dreamed of).

It will be so much more.

You might not believe it now, but when you wake up this morning, you’ll creep out of bed with sheer calm, knowing you are about to join your husband in a spiritual, metaphysical way. You’ll prepare your makeup and hair and won’t be able to stop smiling all morning.

That’s joy. This day will bring you joy. You’re marrying the man who loves you. He makes you laugh. He's silly with you. But you know what else? He’s the man who will choose to love you every single day—even  a month into marriage when you’re being less-than-desirable. He’s the man who will hold you when you’re a mess and crying.

He’s the man who will make you a better person: the one who will make you question what you thought mattered. The one who will help you see that making small sacrifices for him is love. Your dreams will evolve to include and consider him. It will fill your heart more to perform random acts of love for him just to see him smile—and your marriage will be all the better for it. Soon, you’ll be carefully choosing your words and when to say them for him, because sometimes things are best left unsaid.

Today your life together begins.

It starts in that beautiful church, the one you first sat in four years ago, wondering if you were meant to be single forever. Where you joined ministries and made friends, including the cantor, lector, and the altar server’s entire family, serving side-by-side, who are here today. The church where you and your betrothed shared your first Mass. It’s simple and minimal, allowing you to focus on the moments of the Mass rather than the glitz.

You chose a lovely, modest gown off-the rack, on clearance with an additional discount. And you look like a princess. That’s because you are. You are the daughter of the King of Kings. Your sister-in-law bought you the most beautiful bouquet. The single-piano music will soon begin. The cake has been delivered and the food is being prepared for the celebration. The photographer is ready to shoot. But that’s not what today is about.

Today is about you and him and Him. Three of you: husband, wife, and Creator, coming together in this covenant, surrounded by the word of God and the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

Today is about honoring God in the infancy of your new life together, from its very first moments.

Beautiful bride, holy child, today is about you working with God to create something beautiful: a life of sacrificial love.

Sincerely,

Kristi

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About the Author: Kristi Denoy is newlywed to a handsome man, momma to a wonderful daughter, theatre aficionado, and an HR guru with a soft spot for farmer's markets and mom and pop coffee shops. She blogs at Hail Marry, where she also co-hosts the FIAT: Faith in All Things podcast.

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Vendor Spotlight | The Mantilla Company

Mantilla simply means “veil” in Spanish, and typically refers to the lacy chapel veils worn by older women at Mass in Spain and other Latin American countries. Although fewer young women wear mantillas to Mass on a regular basis, many still choose to wear a Spanish-style veil on their wedding day as a nod to the ancient Catholic tradition of veiling that which is sacred.

When she was planning her wedding, Gloria Franklin, founder and owner of The Mantilla Company, wanted to wear an authentic, Spanish-made mantilla to incorporate her heritage and faith into her bridal look. Her local search for the right veil ended in frustration: the selection was small, the cost was steep, and the mantillas did not have a traditional Spanish look to them. Thanks to her family in Spain, Gloria was able to find the perfect handmade, heirloom-quality mantilla at a quarter of the cost of a similar veil in the US. Through this experience, Gloria was inspired to help other brides find the mantilla-style veil of their dreams without breaking the bank, and The Mantilla Company was born.

Gloria hand-selects each veil that she sells from trusted Spanish vendors, and asks her brides to send her photos of their wedding dress so she can find the veil that perfectly complements it. The intricate and diverse lace patterns and varying lengths ensure that each bride can find exactly what she is looking for, and the reasonable prices provide budgetary peace of mind. 

From Gloria:  I truly feel blessed, honored and flattered to be able to do this work. It is so important to me to express my gratitude to my customers and I try to do that by putting a lot of thought into my selections for each bride. I love receiving emails (and photos!) from satisfied brides, whether it’s after try their mantilla on for the first time or after their wedding.

The Mantilla Company has been featured on Style Me Pretty, Wedding Chicks, Ruffled Blog, June Bug Weddings, and Want That Wedding UK.

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How He Asked | Danielle + Jeff

How He Asked | Danielle + Jeff

Danielle and Jeff grew up 1300 miles from each other, in Florida and Minnesota, respectively. By the time they met at the University of St. Thomas during grad school, Jeff was in seminary, though he’d recently discerned he wasn’t called to continue with formation for the priesthood. They’d cross paths within the same group of friends here and there, but Danielle was surprised and hesitant when, the following year, Jeff made it clear he’d like to actively pursue her heart.

 In Danielle’s Words: I wasn’t initially sure how I felt about Jeff, because there wasn’t an immediate attraction. For us, the attraction grew as we got to know each other. After a few dates and receiving flowers and notes in the mail, I decided I would give Jeff a chance and become his girlfriend.

That was the best decision I ever made.

Though I didn’t have all the answers and there were still many uncertainties, I trusted God and he blessed our relationship. Jeff and I continue to help each other grow in our faith, and I’ve certainly learned much more about the Church since we’ve been together. At the start of our relationship, we began going to Mass together in the Extraordinary Form and found so much beauty within this tradition. All of a sudden it became a habit, and we found ourselves attending the Latin Mass at the same church every Sunday. 

Fast forward to three years later. 

It was a Saturday morning in February. I was up, getting ready, and putting my makeup on as I waited for Jeff to pick me up for a visit to his sister, Christine’s--the night before, Christine had texted me asking if we could meet up for her to give me something. Once we were in the car, Christine called asking if we could change our meeting location, to Jeff’s brother Jeremy’s house near our parish. As we were driving to what I thought was Jeremy’s house, Jeff was actually taking me to our church to pop the question!

Although I didn’t know Jeff had been planning to propose that day, I’d seen this coming for a long time. Both of us had long known we were called to marriage, yet until recently, neither of us had the money or stable income to move forward with our life together. After many novenas and prayers, Jeff had just found a great job working for the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis. Soon after starting his new position, he began planning a surprise proposal.

When Jeff pulled into the church parking lot, I was so confused. He asked if we could stop in for a quick prayer. We walked in together; he took the lead. I followed Jeff to a front pew.

After praying, Jeff handed me a colorful picture book, telling me me to open it and explore our memories together. As I flipped through the pages, I saw the course of our relationship. Family. Friends. Good times together.

I turned to the last page. Written there was Will you be my everything? At that moment my heart was racing! I was overcome with emotion, but Jeff remained calm and asked me to stand. He pulled a small black box from his pocket with a white gold ring inside.

After sharing a long, loving embrace, Jeff asked me if I wanted to wear the ring and I nodded with anticipation. Christine met us in the front of the church. She was in on the ruse the whole time and had been taking photos from the choir loft. It was one of the most joyful moments of our lives.

Photography: Alyssa Michelle Photography | Proposal Location: St. Joseph Catholic Church, Miesville, Minnesota | Engagement Ring: Gittelson Jewelers | Engagement Photoshoot: Como Park Zoo & Conservatory

Newlywed Life | Maintaining Your Female Friendships After Marriage

There’s deep value in treating the first months of your marriage as sacred, a cocoon to forge and strengthen your relationship as you take on a new life and mission as one. Consciously setting boundaries around your newlywed days bears such fruit in both romance and mutual respect. Whether you’re in the cocoon or out of it, though, where does your new marriage leave your longtime relationships with girlfriends?

Depending on your age, where you live, and simply on the Father’s particular call for your vocations, most of your close female friends might be seriously dating or a few years married at the time of your own wedding, or many might still be single. As a new bride, you might be joining the ranks of women in your life who’ve already entered into living with a boy, making their spouses their top priority, and consulting with their husbands before making major decisions with spending, travel, and social obligations. Alternatively, you might be one of the first to chart these waters among your group of friends.

The newness of respecting your marriage, while still not removing yourself entirely from the lives of women who were there before your wedding and who remain there after, is a balancing act and natural transition of married life that depends, in some ways, on your friends’ own life situations. Here, three ways to prioritize your husband and your marriage while maintaining close female friendships:

Actively seek ways to talk and spend quality time that don’t focus solely on your identity as a newlywed.

 Becoming a wife is a sacramental reality; a real change in who you are and the most defining identity you’ll ever take on. The complementarity of man and woman in marriage is irreplaceable, yet the bonds of femininity you share with your girlfriends is just as unique. In the aftermath of the wedding whirlwind, it can be easy for both you and your friends to turn to your wedding day and marriage as an immediate topic of conversation, which can be healthy and good. But remember that while your own life has undergone a major transition, those of your friends might be back to status quo. It sounds obvious, but is worth remembering: go outside of yourself; make efforts not only to talk about your friends’ own lives, but to just talk about non-marriage-related matters.

Two possibilities offer frequent opportunities for conversations like these. First, an article club is like a book club, but with a far lower level of commitment. Among you and your friends, choose several articles to read beforehand on a chosen topic; you’ll likely find that the content of the pieces themselves doesn’t become the main topic at hand, but the underlying ideas they spark are sure to inspire deep discussion and reflection. To springboard your conversations, we love the thoughtful content from Blessed Is She, The Cor Project, the Theology of the Body Institute, The Young Catholic Woman, and Integrity.

 Second, formally joining your friends in prayer, whether by a weekly email thread or by meeting half an hour early for Mass, is a powerful way to remain close in the Lord and to stay current on the goings-on in each others’ lives. Choose a time to periodically intercede for each others’ intentions, and entrust your friendships to Christ, his mother, and the saints. 

Host your friends.

Benedictine orders view hospitality as a charism. Consider, with your husband, whether it might be a gift the two of you are called to in the form of hosting your friends. Often, after marriage, close friends tend to keep a wider berth around newlyweds out of respect for their relationship, which is both courteous and well-intended. But sometimes you just miss each other.

Opening your home to your friends extends them an invitation into your new, shared life. Having one friend and, if she has one, her significant other, over to dinner gives you a chance to share who your husband is and deepen his friendships with your friends, or hosting a larger social event echoes Pope Francis’ reminder that “married couple[s] are therefore a permanent reminder for the Church of what took place on the Cross,” and what took place after: let your love be a life-giving witness to the joy of knowing the Father’s love and mercy.

Avoid the small things when it comes to gossip.

Complaining to a friend is often an instant source of bonding, yet it’s a superficial one. Reject the temptation to gossip about your husband or share details of particular struggles in your relationship; by refraining, you keep your problems simpler by keeping them between the two of you, and you avoid any misunderstanding on the part of a friend that could damage your husband’s reputation or paint a false picture of him. While most among us know gossip, on a large scale, is wrong and fairly easily avoidable, striving for prudence even in joking about certain small bad habits or weaknesses of your husband’s conveys deep respect.

 Of course, even with a cocoon period, matters like holidays, business travel, or weddings might mean spending more time away from your new home or time apart than you’d like. Overall, taking time to identify ways of staying close to the women in your life is its own reward, in the form of clear expectations between you and your spouse about what the first months of your marriage will be like, and in the form of habitually making concrete, rather than “sometime” plans with female friends that still prioritize your home life and marriage emotionally and geographically.

Don’t pressure yourself to strike the perfect balance of marriage and friends right away. Pray to make your relationship an invitation and witness to others, and in time God, in his faithfulness, will delight in revealing to you exactly how your unique relationship can do just that.

How to Get Your Marriage Blessed by the Pope

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

My husband and I just returned from our babymoon/honeymoon part two, in which we traveled to Rome and several locations in Northern Italy. It was a beautiful trip, but by far the highlight was going to the papal audience on Wednesday, June 13, and being blessed by Pope Francis as part of the “Sposi Novelli” (newlywed) blessing. Our baby in utero got a special blessing as well! When I posted one of our photos on Instagram, I got lots of questions about how couples can go about planning their own newlywed blessing, so I thought I’d share some of what I learned from our experience.

Photo by L'Osservatore Romano

Order your tickets in advance.

All papal audience tickets are free, but due to the number of newlyweds who want to attend each week, you must request tickets from the Bishops’ Office for United States Visitors to the Vatican (contact your local diocesan office for information if you do not live in the US). It’s as simple as emailing the office a few months ahead of your visit, asking for Sposi Novelli tickets for the Wednesday audience you want to attend, and picking the tickets up between 3-6 PM on the evening before the audience. The office is near the Trevi Fountain and you can find directions to it on their website.

Be aware of the rules and restrictions.

According to the BIshops’ Office, couples are eligible for the Sposi Novelli blessing if they’ve been married for two months or less*, and must bring their marriage certificate, signed by a priest or deacon, with them to the audience.  

*In the interest of full disclosure, Kristian and I did not know this rule and had almost been married six months at the time of our Sposi Novelli blessing (we planned on going much earlier, but first trimester and international travel do not mix well). As I said before, our baby got blessed too as I was visibly pregnant, but that didn’t seem to bother anyone. If you want to get your marriage blessed but can’t go to Rome within two months of your wedding, it may still be possible, but it’s a good idea to check with the Bishops’ Office before you book your airline tickets.  

Plan your wardrobe.

 For the Sposi Novelli blessing, couples are expected to come in “wedding attire”, which broadly interpreted means men in suits and women in white dresses. At our audience, there were women fully decked out in their wedding dresses and grooms in tuxes, but that isn’t required. And if you go to Rome in the summer, you may want to forego the wedding dress simply due to the intense heat in St. Peter’s Square.  

A note about dress code: There’s no specific dress code to get into St. Peter’s Square, where the audience is held, but if you want to go into the Basilica afterward, you’ll need to have your shoulders and knees covered.

Get there early.

The Bishops’ Office recommends that you get to the audience as early as possible (the Square officially opens at 6:30 AM) even though the audience doesn’t begin until 10 AM. Kristian and I weren’t able to make it until about 8:30 due to jet lag, but even then almost all of the special seats for the Sposi Novelli were taken. It’s worth it to get there as early as possible, especially since there’s nothing quite like an almost-empty St. Peter’s Square in the early morning light. Just bring snacks, a water bottle, and some reading/prayer material with you to pass the time.

Note: The Basilica does not open until a couple of hours after the audience concludes, so you won’t be able to go to Mass beforehand.

Pay attention to the weather.

I’ve been to Rome during every season except Fall (which I hear is gorgeous), and as much as I love the Eternal City, I must say that summer (mid-June through August) is a tough time to visit. The heat can be oppressive and there’s little relief from trees or ubiquitous A/C. But if summer is your only option, there are a few things you can do to beat the heat at the Sposi Novelli blessing:

-Don’t wear your wedding dress unless it’s light, airy, and breathable. Consider purchasing a white dress that will allow you to look bridal without overheating.

-Advise your husband to wear a lightweight summer suit.

-Bring an umbrella or parasol (I’m so thankful that the Italian couple sitting next to us let me huddle under theirs).

-Bring a LARGE bottle of water and refill it while you’re waiting in one of the natural fountains in the Square.

-Wear sunglasses.

-Bring something to fan yourself with. Trust me.  

Note: If you are planning a winter or spring visit to the Vatican, an umbrella is also a good idea as it tends to rain more often during those seasons.

Bring any religious articles you'd like blessed by the Pope.

At the end of the audience, the Holy Father will do a general blessing of any and all religious articles that you’ve brought with you. I wish I had remembered to bring the rosary that was wrapped around my bouquet! 

Be aware that you may not get a cool photo with Pope Francis.

Depending on the time of year, the number of couples sitting in the Sposi Novelli section varies quite a bit. Couples from all over the world (especially Italy and other countries in Europe) come for the newlywed blessing.  You’re more likely to get facetime with the Holy Father if you do not go during the summer. If you do go during the summer, like Kristian and I did, be prepared for the possibility that you may only get a general greeting from the Pope. We were able to get to the front of the line because I'm pregnant (pregnant women, I learned, are treated like royalty in Rome), but that was an unexpected blessing as there were over 100 newly married couples in attendance that day! My brother and sister-in-law, who went in May 2016, were part of a much smaller group in which everyone got a personal greeting from the Pope.

Note: if you do get photos with Pope Francis, you’ll have an opportunity that afternoon to peruse them, choose the ones you like, and have them printed out for you for a small fee.

Photo by L'Osservatore Romano

What if you can't make it to a papal audience for a special newlywed blessing? Are your dreams of papal marriage blessings dead? Not at all! You always have the option of requesting a Papal blessing for your marriage directly from the Vatican, which is printed on parchment and sent to your home.

I hope this has been a helpful guide for planning a Sposi Novelli trip to Rome. If you're engaged and planning on honeymooning in Rome or a newlywed who recently made the trek, we'd love to hear about your experience in the comments! 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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