Engagement + Newlywed Retreats, Part I | Supplementing Your Marriage Prep

This post is the first of a two-part series.

We’ve been asked recently for our tips on making your marriage preparation as in-depth and transformative as possible. Whether you’ve chosen a day-long workshop, pre-Cana classes at your parish, or meetings with a sponsor couple, consider taking time for further education and prayer, as time and finances allow, with a supplemental retreat for you and your beloved. In these days of the New Evangelization, the Church is rich with resources ancient and new that invite rest, contemplation, and time to be drawn nearer to one another as you both are drawn into the Father’s love.

Photography: Mel Watson Photography

Because so many worthy resources exist for different spiritualities, devotions, and needs of the heart, it would be impossible to list them all. Your diocesan website is a good place to begin seeking upcoming events that might bear fruit in your relationship. Another is the dwellings of religious orders in your area, some of whom welcome visitors to join in their daily rhythms of prayer, work, or ministry or who host speaking events.

And think beyond the confines of topics related specifically to marriage prep: retreats with the themes of prayer, art, theology, mental wellness from a Catholic perspective, and beyond allow ample time for discussion, self-examination, and growth in faith.  Below, by region, are a series of programs and ministries that can provide the silence and deeper dive you might be thirsting for.

East Coast

Charis NYC: Ignatian retreats by and for Catholic young adults, with several program options centered on spiritual concerns common in this stage of life, including discernment, contemplation, meaningful living, and life’s transitions (New York City).

Given: A day-long event for engaged or married couples featuring talks, worship, and the sacraments (Baltimore).

International Institute for Catholic Culture: Founded in response to John Paul II’s call to the faithful to re-evangelize the culture and form a “civilization of love,” this non-profit educational center well-suited to lovers of theology and academics provides classical language courses, lectures on the intersection of faith and culture, art exhibits, and musical performances (Philadelphia).

Our Lady of Bethesda Retreat Center: An apostolate of Regnum Christi that hosts Ignatian-inspired retreats of varying length, as well as monthly reflection events. The center is particularly gifted with meeting the needs of couples, offering its own marriage prep program for engaged couples, speaking events for newlyweds, and marriage workshops. Catholic counseling and therapy are also available onsite, through the Alpha Omega Clinic (Washington, D.C.).

St. Joseph Retreat House: Serving the New England region with guided retreats inspired by St. Ignatius’ Spiritual Exercises, with time included for structured prayer, recreation, and spiritual direction (Boston).

Theology of the Body Institute: Offering a variety of 5-day courses designed to form the entire person, “head and heart,” the Institute combines academics with the sacraments while educating on Saint John Paul II’s Theology of the Body Audiences, Love and Responsibility, and other writings, alongside topics like beauty, interior prayer, and a retreat created specifically for engaged or married couples (Philadelphia).  

Midwest

Love Your Marriage: An day-long event for married couples, with an emphasis on creating a holy, thriving relationship through all stages of life, including newlywed years and parenting (Denver).

Ruah Woods: a Theology of the Body education center offering study courses and retreats both on and off-site. The center also offers psychological services from Catholic professionals whose worldview informs their work with clients (Cincinnati).

St. Benedict’s Abbey: Men’s, women’s, and couples’ retreats led by Benedictine monks (Atchison, Kansas).

Tabor Life Institute: Programs and retreats that teach the Theology of the Body through the use of Scripture, writings by Church mystics, art and iconography, and the Eastern Rites of the Church. The Institute--whose staff includes a priest who attended some of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body audiences in Rome, the first time they were delivered--additionally hosts Pre-Cana weekend event for couples preparing for marriage in the Byzantine Rite (Chicago).

South

Alexander House: Founded by a longtime-married couple who restored their relationship from the possibility of divorce with the help of a Catholic therapist, this apostolate for couples in all stages of marriage and family life provides courses for engagement and problem-solving for troubled marriages, all in light its mission to help couples create a joyful domestic Church (San Antonio).

Casa Maria Convent & Retreat House: Offering structured retreats, including those for couples, that include talks, personal prayer time, the sacraments, and participation in the Divine Office with the beautiful Sister Servants of the Eternal Word (Birmingham).

Catholic Charismatic Center: Offering retreats for young adults and couples (recent leaders include Father Stan Fortuna), rooted in the spirituality of the Charismatic renewal movement (Houston).

Three to Get Married: An engagement retreat aimed at comprehensive formation of spouses-to-be--spiritual, psychological, emotional, and cultural--through presentations from priests, married couples, medical professionals, and trained psychologists (Nashville).

West Coast

John Paul II Resource Center: Providing day-long Theology of the Body retreats on a variety of topics--including those geared toward women, men, parents, couples, and educators--as well as talks for marriage preparation and enrichment (Phoenix).

New Camoldoli Hermitage: A beautiful, coastal Benedictine hermitage, offering preached retreats throughout the year by the Camoldolese Benedicitines and inviting participants into the prayer of monastic life (Big Sur).

Our Lady of the Rock: Retreat opportunities hosted by Benedictine sisters, inviting guests to participate in the daily prayer and tasks of their monastic farm life, which is largely self-sufficient (Shaw Island, Washington).

Sacred Heart Retreat House: A site run by Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart, this house provides retreats for men, women, couples, and young adults, rooted in the Carmelite spirituality of leading the faithful into a deeper relationship with Christ (Los Angeles).

Nationwide (U.S.)

Passion and Purpose for Marriage: An initiative of Dynamic Catholic, this one-day event, hosted across the U.S. and based in California, offers talks for couples in all stages of their relationship on practical matters in the vocation of marriage, prayer and worship, and time for one-on-one discussion.

Miles Christi: Guided Ignatian silent retreats hosted by the Miles Christi brothers, offered nationwide and based in Michigan and California.

We thrive on the community you help us to grow. If a program or retreat you’ve attended has blessed your relationship outside of marriage preparation, be sure to share it with other brides in the comments and on our social media.

Next week, read more on retreats, including digital resources and how to plan your own retreat with your beloved.

Blair + Jordan | Fireside Black-Tie Wedding

Blair is from Washington state. Jordan is a native Texan. Through the Father’s providence, they both ended up in the Catholic Studies program at the University of St. Thomas, in St. Paul, Minnesota. After three short months of friendship, Jordan asked Blair on a date. She agreed, but still felt like she didn’t know him well.

When Jordan picked her up for their date, however, bringing a gift of an image of Our Lady of Guadalupe and encouraging Blair to look into total consecration to Mary, as he had recently done, she knew she was in the company of a man pursuing sincere holiness. “Throughout the time we dated,” she says, “he proved this to me again and again.”

Around a year later, Jordan proposed at the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe in La Crosse, Wisconsin.

From the Bride: Jordan and I were married at the Cathedral of Our Lady of Lourdes in Spokane, Washington--my home parish before moving to Minnesota. We both hoped our wedding liturgy would, in every aspect, reveal the richness and beauty of our ancient faith. We hoped, too, that it could be a moment of evangelization--as every Mass is--through the Scriptures and the witnesses to the sacraments and the truth.

We were grateful the cathedral’s choir, organist, and trumpeter were able to provide beautiful music for the liturgy. The Mass was chanted, and among other pieces, the choir sang Mozart’s “Ave Verum Corpus” and Palestrina’s “Alma Redemptoris Mater” and “Sicut Cervus”.

We chose to say our vows over a crucifix, symbolizing the marriage covenant made and sustained not through our own merits, but through the grace of God. After honoring our Blessed Mother with a bouquet, we each took a flower from the vase and surprised our earthly mothers by presenting the flowers to them, along with a hug.

The liturgy was reverent and beautiful. This is such a blessing of marriage in the Church: the sacrament is not just about the couple (and certainly not just about the bride!), but about their union and how that union may reflect the glory of God. We do not write our own vows, for instance, to highlight the uniqueness of our relationship. Instead, we recite the words that have been said by countless Catholic couples before us. We then hear these vows at every Catholic wedding we attend in the future, we're reminded of the promises we ourselves made. Though it can seem that Catholic weddings are less “personal” this is actually a gift given to us by the Church--just one more way for us to be a witness to the true purpose of marriage: to glorify God and help each other, and all we encounter through our marriage, to achieve salvation.

Our reception took place at a local 19th-century mansion. With the fireplaces roaring on that chilly November day, it was a glowing, cozy evening. We requested a black-tie dress code; it was so lovely seeing the women in formal gowns and the men looking dashing in tuxes and suits. Sticking to a traditional reception format, after dinner and beautiful speeches by our closest family and friends, we all danced the night away.  

Our reception was a beautiful time to reflect on what the heavenly banquet might be like. For here we encountered family and friends from all over the country, whom Jordan and I grew to love in all the varied stages of our life, all feasting together.

As Jordan thanked our guests he noted this fact, and prayed this brief day of joy and unity might reflect that unending happiness we will one day encounter in eternity, in the presence of the Lord. Though our wedding day seemed much too short, it is meditating upon the idea of a much greater feast to come that allowed us to end the day with great joy.

Though many suggest that your wedding is the best day of your life, I think it’s important to remember that the wedding day is only a gateway to even more beautiful, blessed days with your spouse.

Ultimately, I encourage brides to not to be pressured to “feel” a certain way on their wedding day. Rather, try to take in all of the peace and grace the Lord offers.

Jordan and I had a blast on that wonderful day and we both count it as the most beautiful, grace-filled day we’ve yet encountered. What a beautiful preparation our wedding has been for receiving many graces in the days that have followed!

As an engaged woman working daily on wedding details great and small, I had to constantly remind myself that these details do matter. Though each bride handles wedding preparation in her own way, it’s okay to take the time to make the day beautiful for you, your future husband, and your guests. It is through this great care that can reveal your respect and care for the sacrament into which you will enter.

Of course, I had to carefully make sure I didn’t cross the line into frivolity or lose sight of the greater picture as to why this carefully planned event was taking place in the first place.

If you, like me, can become obsessive over details, I encourage bringing prayer into your planning.

Before working on any aspect of the wedding, it brought me great peace to pray to my patron saint, asking her to grant me both a spirit of care and attention to the wedding details, but also a spirit of poverty into my planning.

A few months after the wedding a priest friend questioned us: “So, did you memorize the vows?” We had not done so for the wedding day. “Great!” he said, “now is the perfect time to learn them!” What a beautiful set of words to take to meditation (especially when encountering struggles in marriage) and to repeat again each anniversary:

“…I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”

This is the promise that all Catholic couples make, and that they will keep, if only through the grace bestowed by our Lord.

Photography: Joanna Traeger Photography http://joannatraegerphotography.com | Church: Cathedral of Our Lady of Lourdes – Spokane, WA | Reception: The Glover Mansion – Spokane, WA | Day-of planning: http://www.hayloevents.com | Florist: https://www.specialtouchfloristandgifts.com | Makeup & Hair: https://www.kissandmakeupspokane.com | Dress: https://www.celestialselections.com  | Tailoring and Custom Veil: http://www.ninacherie.com | DJ: https://completewedding.com  | Catering: http://www.redrockspokane.com 

Our Favorite Quotes on Fruitful Love, on the Anniversary of Humanae Vitae

This week, the Church commemorates 50 years since the publication of Blessed Pope Paul VI’s encyclical letter Humanae Vitae--translated as ”Of Human Life.” Drawing from the hundreds of years of Scripture and tradition on which the Church was founded, the letter was composed in response to a commission whose purpose was to evaluate the effects of newly and widely available contraceptives on society.

The Pope’s words praise the goodness of married love: he calls it “fully human,” involving both body and soul--the whole person--and imaging Christ’s free, faithful, total, and fruitful gift of self. Love like this reserves nothing and bears real fruit, ending not in death but in eternal life.

Life. Whether physically, spiritually, or both, all married couples are called to be abundant and allow new life to flow forth from their love.

Amid social pressure and speculation over whether the encyclical would “reverse” the Church’s directive that contraceptives are contrary to the nature of authentic love, Paul VI courageously maintained that artificial means of birth control are never in keeping with a sincere, unreserved gift of the self and exchange of persons.

After all, as he pointed out, the nature of love itself; the nature of Jesus’ sacrifice at Calvary, hadn’t changed since before the commission--how, then, could human beings change their imitation of this love, without changing the definition of love entirely? His appeals to logic--and his recognition that every person desires to be loved without conditions or limitations--draw attention to the high, yet attainable, calling of our path to heaven.

If you’ve never read Humanae Vitae, engagement and new marriage are ideal times to contemplate the love spouses are called to imitate; to be the human face of the Father’s love to one another in the particular way only they, as individuals, can.

What’s more, if the demands of love, and the Church’s reasoning on contraception, are difficult for you, take time to turn inward in prayer and ask the Lord if he’s calling you and your beloved to deeper understanding or a lifestyle change. He is merciful in all things and desires nothing less than our deepest happiness.

When the love of husband and wife mirrors the Father’s love as closely as possible, we are drawn more deeply into the heart of God and that much closer to the fulfillment and true flourishing on earth that he intends for us, his children.

This list of resources, including prayers, studies, and media, from the U.S. Bishops is a rich and accessible starting point. For your further contemplation and inspiration, we’ve compiled a selection of passages, from holy men and women past and present, that make us excited and motivated to live out love’s demands.

On authentic love

As a passion sublimated by a love respectful of the dignity of the other, [the relationship between spouses] becomes a “pure, unadulterated affirmation” revealing the marvels of which the human heart is capable. - Pope Francis

Self-discipline...is a shining witness to the chastity of husband and wife and, far from being a hindrance to their love of one another, transforms it by giving it a more truly human character...it brings to family life abundant fruits of tranquility and peace. - Humanae Vitae

For the Lord has entrusted to [spouses] the task of making visible to men and women the holiness and joy of the law which united inseparably their love for one another and the cooperation they give to God's love, God who is the Author of human life. - ibid

On the love of God

All love ends in an incarnation, even God’s. Love would not be love if it did not escape the limitation of individual existence by perpetuating itself...wherein death is defeated by life. - Ven. Fulton Sheen

The liberating message of the Gospel of Life has been put into your hands. - Saint John Paul II

Do you want to see the difference [between NFP and contraception]?...There’s nothing to fear. Trusting him is only threatening if he’s a tyrant. He’s not. He’s perfect love. Let go. Let him in. Trust him. - Christopher West

On family size, discernment, and infertility

The number is not in itself the decisive factor. The fact of having few or many children does not on its own make a family more or less Christian. What matters is the integrity and honesty with which married life is lived. True mutual love transcends the union of husband and wife and extends to its natural fruits — the children. Selfishness, on the contrary, sooner or later reduces love to a mere satisfaction of instinct and destroys the bond which unites parents and children. - St. Josemaria Escriva

I would therefore like to remind spouses in a condition of infertility, that this does not thwart their matrimonial vocation. Spouses are always called by their baptismal and matrimonial vocation itself to cooperate with God in the creation of a new human life. The vocation to love is in fact a vocation to the gift of self, and this is a possibility that no physical condition can prevent. Therefore, whenever science finds no answer, the answer that gives light comes from Christ. - Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

On sacrifice and its fruits

...the seeking [of Jesus]  is a going out from ourselves. It is a going out from our illusions, our limitations, our wishful thinking, our self-loving, and the self in our love. - Caryll Houselander

Want to be happy?…Lose your life in love and you will find it. Give your life away as a gift, and you’ll come to resurrection. - Bishop Robert Barron

The various forms of sacrifice include one positive similar meaning: Life is surrendered in order to be transformed and shared.” - Scott Hahn

On charity with regard to Church teaching

We are fully aware of the difficulties confronting the public authorities in this matter…"the only possible solution to this question is one which envisages the social and economic progress both of individuals and of the whole of human society, and which respects and promotes true human values." - Humanae Vitae

Now it is an outstanding manifestation of charity toward souls to omit nothing from the saving doctrine of Christ; but this must always be joined with tolerance and charity, as Christ Himself showed in His conversations and dealings with men. - ibid

On human nature

Our body is a cenacle, a monstrance; through its crystal the world should see God. - Saint Gianna Molla

Woman naturally seeks to embrace that which is living, personal, and whole. To cherish, guard, protect, nourish and advance growth is her natural, maternal yearning. - Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein)

For man cannot attain that true happiness for which he yearns with all the strength of his spirit, unless he keeps the laws which the Most High God has engraved in his very nature. These laws must be wisely and lovingly observed. - Humanae Vitae

As always, we at Spoken Bride are here for you. No matter where you’re coming from, no matter your opinion or experiences with this aspect of Church teaching, we’re committed to truly seeing and hearing you. We welcome your thoughts, your questions on married love and Natural Family Planning, and even your reservations and respectful disagreements, so know that you have the freedom to share them in the comments and on our social media. Consider this an invitation to conversation, with our hopes of living out our mission of truth, goodness, beauty, and authenticity with charity and productive dialogue.

Photography: Alyssa Michelle Photography, seen in How He Asked | Danielle + Jeff

 

Jenna + Michael | Italian Family-Style Wedding

Jenna had just finished her waitressing shift when she went to a bar in Providence, Rhode Island for a Catholic young adult event. There was one spot left at the table, next to a handsome newcomer to the group. They chatted and exchanged numbers at the end of the night.

Jenna and Michael’s friendship blossomed soon after, as Michael began a new journey of discernment after departing from religious life and as Jenna began the annulment process from her previous marriage. Though both sensed the Father’s hand at work in a special way, they agreed to postpone dating until the annulment decision was finalized, one way or another.

On December 8, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, Jenna received word that her annulment had been granted. Two months later, Michael asked her to be his girlfriend, and on another Marian feast, the Feast of the Annunciation, he proposed at the Shrine of Our Lady of LaSalette in Attleboro, Massachusetts.

From the Bride: We knew from the beginning that the Nuptial Mass was the most important part of our wedding. Both of us have sentimental hearts and love for details that we tried to incorporate into the day. Our Mass, for instance, was held at the same parish where my parents were married. This was particularly special to me, as my father passed away at a young age. Choosing to be married in the same location he was made me feel connected to him in a special way. The Maid of Honor was my best friend, and the Best Man Michael’s cousin.

We are in our early 30s and wanted to keep things simple, yet joyful and beautiful, for the Mass and reception--a true representation of our relationship. For the Gospel reading, we chose the Parable of the pearl of great price, a nod to my pearl engagement ring. Pearls are my favorite gem and have particular significance in Michael’s Portuguese culture. I also carried and decorated with my favorite flowers, sunflowers.

Our mothers did the readings, and my close friend sang during our dedication to Our Lady, for which we made a special consecration to her. The bright July afternoon felt so visually fitting for who we are as a couple.

Our reception was held at a family-style Italian restaurant, where we served a casual, delicious chicken dinner. Our friends Ryan and Elizabeth sang our first dance selection, “Oceans” by Hillsong United. By the time our guests joined us on the dance floor, we stayed there all evening, and it’s a time we’ll always remember.

As a new bride, I can honestly say that surrendering to God's will through dating and engagement has shaped a truly beautiful foundation for our marriage.

Pray together always, and seek his will above all. Continue to pray together once you’re married, and don't forget to laugh and forgive one another often!

Photography: Andrea Van Orsouw Photography | Church: St. Agatha Parish- Woonsocket, RI | Wedding Reception Venue : Savini's Pomodoro Italian Kitchen & Bar | Engagement Ring: Piette Jewelers- Woonsocket, RI, Wedding bands: Kay Jewelers | Bridal Hair: Hair Stage 5- North Smithfield, RI | Music Mass: Sarah Moore (friend of the bride), Vocalists Reception: Ryan & Elizabeth Tremblay (friends of the bride and groom) | Videography- Steven Jordao (cousin of the bride) of Gue Productions | Flowers: Whole Foods | Cake: Kelly St. Gelais (friend of the bride), Bridal Gown and Maid of Honor's Dress: David's Bridal, Centerpieces and other décor- DIY by the bride and family/friends.

Cultivating a Heart for Your Single Friends

STEPHANIE CALIS

I remember the first time I felt it. I’d just helped send my sister off to prom--nine years later, her date would become her husband--giddy with admiration for her beaded dress and lack of preoccupation with her looks. Three years before, I’d reluctantly attended my own senior prom, feeling the weight of expectation that it was what you were supposed to do, supposed to feel emotional about, at the end of high school. No one asked me. My dad dropped me off.

Photography: Kelli Seeley Photography

I felt it again the day an old friend called, breathlessly sharing the story of how she’d gotten engaged hours earlier on a snow-covered bench. At the time, I was navigating the waters of serious dating for the first time, aware my current relationship was diminishing my spiritual life and sense of who I was, yet too fearful and passive to do much about it. Where, I wondered, was the man I’d marry, and when would it be my turn?

Those stirrings in my heart had a name: an ache. My heart was beating; I was alive; and it hurt.

Sometimes, it was physically painful to sit on the floor of the chapel, eyes glazed before the tabernacle and desperate for the road to my vocation to present itself. I shared in the joy of my sister and my friends as they experienced the wonder and recognition of meeting the men they’d say yes to, forever. I was sincerely glad for them; not envious, just...sad. Something was missing. I struggled not to idolize marriage, knowing my ultimate fulfillment and truest home for my longings lay not in a spouse, but in the Father’s love. Yet all the same, I longed.

Then I found myself engaged, scarcely believing a man as sacrificial, tender, and endlessly fascinating as my fiancée was even a reality, let alone someone who would choose me. Those whispers of the ache came back, in the form of empathy for several close friends enduring recent, and very raw, breakups.

I remembered the feeling that my dating life had existed in an entirely different world than that of my engaged friends, and feared I’d now be the one inflicting pain on women I loved who were currently single.

As a result, I stayed close-lipped for a while about my excitement and planning experiences with certain friends, concerned oversharing would be hurtful. Until my best friend looked in my eyes and told me not to be worried. She was happy for me, she insisted, and my sharing the details of wedding plans didn’t lessen that happiness.

It takes a woman of great strength and selflessness to say something like my friend told me; someone of pure good will and an ability to enter into the joy of another as if it were her own. My friend gave me such a gift that evening, not only in her other-focused love for me, but in her honesty.

For weeks, I’d wondered what she was feeling as she ordered a dress, planned my bridal shower, and listened to my minimally detailed stories about registry scanners and accessory shopping, all while weathering a storm of uncertainty after what seemed like a promising relationship suddenly ended. I was anxious, constantly wondering if it was too self-important of me to even have the worries I did. As it turned out, directness was so much clearer--so obvious; so much simpler--than speculation and anxiety.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, unsure of how much of your engagement or newlywed life to share with your single friends, I recommend a heart-to-heart. The only way to be sure is to communicate. Ask your friend what sort of involvement in your plans is helpful, what’s difficult, and how she’d like to participate. Chances are, she’ll feel honored you asked, free to be honest with you, and ultimately, sincerely excited about your forthcoming marriage.

Conversations like these can be mutually uncomfortable. But on the other side lies greater comfort than ever, each of you more in tune with the other’s heart and feeling the unspoken freedom and permission to share your thornier emotions. Additionally, the practices of taking time during your engagement to spend quality time with friends who are single and interceding for them, placing your trust in the Lord’s timing with regard to their own vocations, bear only good fruit.

“...love always communicates itself, that is, love listens and responds, love is found in dialogue and communion.” - Pope Francis

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Insider Tips for your Dress Shopping Appointments

ANDI COMPTON

I spent six months working as a sales representative at Mon Amie Bridal, one of the largest bridal stores on the West Coast. It was my first experience in high-end retail; we sold dresses anywhere from under $1000 to $10k. During my time on staff, I had the opportunity to meet several designers visiting for trunk shows, and l also got thrown into modeling gowns at our fashion shows.

Here, from the fruits of my experience, my tips for planning and attending your dress shopping appointments.

Photography: Laurentina Photography, seen in Edith + Bomani | Kenyan Catholic Wedding

Before you go

How to stay on budget

I suggest starting your shopping with an overall Apparel budget,  meaning all the items you'll be wearing. For instance, an apparel budget of $1000 might look like:

• Dress (don’t forget sales tax!), $500

• Alterations, $150

• Undergarments, $50

• Veil, $100

• Shoes,$75

• Accessories (be specific), $125: necklace, bolero for Mass, tiara/headpiece, etc

Additionally, it’s wise to come up with a number value before going in and trying on gowns. It’s so easy to get attached to gowns you can’t afford. And know that “affordable” isn’t a number; it means something different to everyone. Be able to tell your consultant at the store, “I’m looking for a dress in the range of [number] to [number].”

Keep dress codes in mind.

Check with your church to see your shoulders must be covered, or if other guidelines are requested for for brides and bridesmaids. Because your wedding will be before the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ, present in the Blessed Sacrament--as well as in a house of worship--modest dress is appropriate. Many brides opt for shawls or small jackets to be removed after the ceremony. There are also so many beautiful, current gowns available with sleeves.

Pray.

Give everything to Jesus in prayer. For inspiration, begin with this beautiful prayer for brides as they prepare to dress shop. Each time we bring the Lord into the center of our decisions, we can trust that he will provide and can practice keeping him at the center of our lives.

Consider timing. Shop earlier, rather than later.

Even if you have a long engagement, plan to purchase your dress 6-8 months before your wedding. If your dress has to be custom-made--through Etsy, for instance--or ordered from overseas, you’ll have plenty of time for its creation and journey through customs.

Short engagement? Pick out a dress as soon as you’re able. The bride’s gown often sets the tone for the formality and style of the wedding, and it will help you make other aesthetic decisions down the road.

If you can swing a weekday appointment, the salon will be much calmer. Saturdays and Sundays are the busiest times, as is typical with retail. The same applies right after the New Year, when many holiday proposals have taken place.

At Your Appointment

Two’s company, three’s a crowd.

Take a small number of trusted individuals with you when you shop; women you can trust to give you an honest opinion on fit and style. The first time I went dress shopping, I actually took my mom and dad, and tried on the gown I would end up buying five months later. It was simply the right one for me.

Get a sense of what you like.

Bring a few photos with you, or whip out your Pinterest board. If your consultant has a keen eye, he or she will be able to notice patterns in your selections and offer some great suggestions. With that in mind…

...Let your consultant make a few recommendations.

Even if you are dead set on a sparkly ballgown, it’s okay to try on a lace sheath with sleeves, just to rule it out. You may end up realizing certain details or silhouettes you hadn’t considered are flattering and beautiful.

Additionally, don’t be afraid of sample dresses or those off the rack--these items can be a great fit and perfect deal. Many stores like ModCloth, Nordstrom (be sure to check out the white bridesmaid section for beautiful, more affordable options), and BHLDN have dresses you can purchase online and try on at home. Rent the Runway also offers fun dresses and accessories worth peeking at.

It’s okay to say “no thank you.”

If for any reason your consultant is being pushy or pressuring you to buy, it’s alright to politely say, “no thank you.” It’s also okay to speak to a manager and ask for a new consultant if the one assigned you is not treating you well in any way. Be an advocate for yourself.

Consider accessories.

This definitely applies if you find your gown at your appointment. Try on different lengths of veils, ones with lace or edging, and different headpieces while you’ve got the gown on. Feel free to ask the consultant for bustle recommendations if your dress has a train. Your gown will be bustled either during photos or at your reception, which means it will appear this way in a large portion of your wedding images.

Buy for the size you are now.

You are beautiful, just the way you are. Don’t purchase your dress in a smaller size than you need. It can always be altered down, but it can be next to impossible to size up with certain styles.

Speaking of sizing, bear in mind most designers do not use “street sizing,” so if you’re normally a size 8, you could end up ordering a 10 or 12 according to their size chart. Bridal stores generally go by your largest measurement, but you ultimately have the final say--it’s your money and you are the person signing the contract. Just remember, it’s only a number. If size bothers you, you can always cut the tag out. No one will know the size anyway, and the right dress will make you look and feel amazing!

The Final Purchase

Read and understand every detail of your contract. Ask questions if you need clarification. This applies to every single contract you sign for your wedding--no exceptions!

Photography

When you arrive, check with your salon about their photography policy. Some permit you to photograph anything, while others only allow picture-taking once you’ve purchased a gown. Be respectful of their policy.

I hope this guide helps you feel more confident as you prepare to shop for your wedding gown. It’s not often we get to shop for sacraments!

Share with our community; what was your wedding dress shopping experience like?

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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How He Asked | Mary Kate + Jason

Having just ended an emotionally exhausting relationship, Mary Kate cautiously took measures to protect herself from the pain of heartbreak, saying “every novena imaginable” to saints Anne, Jude, Joseph, Our Lady Undoer of Knots, Raphael, and Anthony. Her future husband was a constant fixture in her prayer life.

A line from the movie Little Boy, spoken by a priest, echoed in Mary Kate’s heart: “you moved me to move the bottle.” She deeply desired that the Lord would move to give her a holy spouse, praying for her husband’s strength and courage as they waited to meet each other.

That summer, she met a seminarian for her diocese. They became friends. And for a time, that was that.

In Mary Kate’s words: Jason and I always had good conversations, especially about the Catholic faith and about music. I often saw him, with other seminarians, at many young adult events in the area. At the conclusion of a pastoral year, Jason returned to seminary.

I continued my constant prayers for my future husband, trusting completely that God would bring him into my life when the time was right. One Sunday, about a year after our first meeting, I saw Jason’s announcement on Facebook that he had discerned out of the seminary, and would not be continuing in formation. I was shocked, and a little disappointed. If anyone would have made a good priest, it would have been Jason.

That Wednesday, I saw him again, and we were able to catch up. Over the next three and a half weeks, we saw each other frequently at different young adult events, attended several priestly ordinations together, and started getting to know each other better. At the end of that time, we went to a couple movies together. The day before Corpus Christi Sunday, Jason asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. Two years earlier, I had asked God to bring me a good Catholic man, and to bring him to me on the Feast of Corpus Christi. In return, I would get married as close to Corpus Christi Sunday as I possibly could. To say I was a overjoyed might be an understatement.

On March 17, 2018 we celebrated nine months of dating. Jason had spoken with my parents in February and had received their permission to ask for my hand in marriage. On Tuesday of Holy Week, I assisted with the Chrism Mass in our diocese. The Mass totally got me in the Holy Week mood, and I was ecstatic. Jason and I usually see each other on Tuesdays and weekends, so I already knew I’d be seeing him that evening after work. On my way home, as we talked on the phone, he suggested we go to the Perpetual Adoration chapel in town that evening He got to my house, we had supper, and then we left for the Chapel.

We’d been there almost a full hour when Jason stood up from our pew and proceeded to kneel right in front of the monstrance. He’d done that before, so I didn't think much of it. Except that he knelt there for forty-five minutes. As it turns out, he had been waiting for me to get impatient and ask him if we would be leaving soon. We’d each thought the other simply needed some serious prayer time!

Finally, Jason looked back at me and nodded for me to come forward. I knelt beside him. After a moment or two he stood up, so I did, too. As soon as I was standing, he knelt back down, and on one knee, proposed to me in front of Jesus. I, of course, said yes. An older couple was there for their holy hour; they politely clapped and congratulated us. On the car ride back to my house, I learned some of my siblings and their families were waiting with champagne to celebrate with us! It was such a joyful evening, I couldn't have asked for a more perfect proposal.

Besides the fact that Jason proposed before Jesus in the Eucharist--thus making him the foundation of the next stage in our relationship--I think my biggest takeaway from our engagement is a reflection on my ring.

My ring has a sapphire and a ruby on either side of a diamond. My favorite color is blue, and Jason’s is red. There is a twofold significance: first, two become one in the sacrament of marriage. Second, it takes three to get married, with God as the center diamond and Jason and I as the jewels on the sides.

Engagement Location: St. Joseph's Church Perpetual Adoration Chapel | Ring: Diamonds and Jewelry Unlimited

Newlywed Life | Creating a Prayer Space in Your Home

In one of his many homilies on marriage, Saint Josemaria Escriva wrote, “Every Christian home should be a place of peace and serenity. In spite of the small frustrations of daily life, an atmosphere of profound and sincere affection should reign there together with a deep-rooted calm, which is the result of authentic faith that is put into practice.”

Photography: Meaghan Clare Photography, seen in Elise's Wedding | Our Favorite Marriage Prep Resources

Even the most mundane daily practices, like brushing your teeth together, feel infused with newness and promise during the first months of married life. In these small matters, as well as larger ones, foundational habits and routines are formed. Because it’s such a formational period, the start of your marriage is both an easy and exciting time to choose habits that facilitate a shared prayer routine.

An oratory is a place of worship not attached to a parish. Oratories are often inhabited by religious orders, but it’s not just our brothers and sisters in religious life who have the opportunity to formally worship in this way. The Catechism of the Catholic Church recommends creating a corner for contemplation and worship in the home, a space for a “little oratory” in family life.

Whether or not your first home has room to accommodate an entire corner for prayer, the effort of designating a space for contemplation--alone and with your spouse--pays dividends in beauty and consistency in your prayer life. Here, four tips for designing and enjoying a prayer space in your home.

Choose a space.

At minimum, one to two chairs and a small table are effective starting materials for a prayer space. If your space is more limited than a corner of your living room allows, incorporating your religious items and prayer materials into a vignette on your coffee table or choosing a seated spot (even the kitchen table) in view of a crucifix or piece of religious art are worthy alternatives.

Set the scene.

Beauty inspires worship and reverence, drawing our attention out of the everyday and toward the sacred. Fill your space with a crucifix, images or icons of the saints, religious statues, a candle, and flowers or greenery.

Store your prayer resources close at hand.

Make use of a nearby drawer, basket, shelf, or table to stash or display the items you use for prayer: journals, Rosaries, spiritual reading, musical instruments, and/or devotionals.

Create a routine.

Choose a time of day, perhaps over coffee in the morning or before beginning your evening leisure activities, to be with your spouse in your prayer space. You might pray individually in silence, do a decade or more of the Rosary together, read spiritual books together or on your own for a designated time, or pray spontaneously and aloud.

Remember that establishing a prayer routine that feels comfortable, fruitful, and well-suited to your lifestyle and personalities can take time, and that’s alright! Learning the subtleties of your spouse’s spirituality is a beautiful fruit of a holy relationship, one that never reaches a point of perfect clarity this side of heaven--it’s in the learning, and the constant unveiling of who you are, before the Lord, that joy resides.

And if you aren’t a newlywed, but have been married for longer yet have never incorporated a prayer space into your routine, it’s never inopportune to begin. We love hearing about your prayer rituals with your husband and the ways you invite the Father into your home. Be sure to share about your prayer spaces and routines in the comments and on our social media!

Readers Share | Favorite Stress Relievers and Self-Care

Like the sacrament of marriage itself, we intend for this ministry to be lived in communion. We are wildly grateful, with all glory to God, for every story, comment, and prayer intention you entrust to us that makes that possible. Thank you.

Knowing engagement is a whirlwind, no matter how long or short, and that life's busyness doesn't cease after your wedding day, taking time to be still and intentional is life-giving. We recently asked our social media followers to share with us their favorite forms of self-care and relaxation. Here’s what you had to say.

Floral design. - Kathleen

A jog or massage. - Laura

Diffusing lavender and bergamot essential oils and drinking herbal tea. - Sarah, @everymomentloving

Baths with candles, wine, and face masks. - @dreheiny

Belly dancing. - Steph

Long baths, taking my supplements, attending counseling, pleasure reading, watercolor painting, getting a therapeutic massage, or a coffee date with a close friend. - Andrea

I enjoy getting my nails done and watching TV. - Juliana

A mud mask and glass of wine. - Katie

I love to do art when I’m stressed! I find that my most inspirational times are early morning hours, though!- Isabella, @gracetothehumble

A bath and a good cry. - Thea

I always enjoy a relaxing bath with a fragrant epsom salt. It’s very soothing and calming and the perfect way to unwind after a long day. - Danielle, @danielleduet

A nap. - Regina

I love doing DIY spa nights with my girls--that includes face masks, nails, eyebrows, and a glass of wine. And spending some one on one time with Our Lady reminds me to always imitate her as best I can. - Maria, @mariamirandah

A massage from my husband. - Grace

Netflix and wine! - Amy

No matter how busy, know you aren’t alone on your journey to the altar, and beyond. Share your favorite form of self-care in the comments and on our social media, and don’t hesitate to reach out to us with your prayer intentions or for resources to manage stress.

Christina + Ben | Candlelight Ballroom Wedding

Christina and Ben met during their freshman orientation at Creighton University and later became study pals for their Theology 101 course. They were good friends, and just friends. Or so Christina thought.

Immediately after Christmas break, Ben asked her out. She said yes. Their first date was to dinner in downtown Omaha...at 11 P.M., due to a delayed drumline practice. On Valentine’s Day they kissed, and became an official couple soon after.

From the Bride: Faith had always been important to us individually, but it became part of who we are as a couple during our sophomore year. We began praying and reflecting on the daily Mass readings each morning over breakfast in the cafeteria. These studies eventually led us to the Theology of the Body, which became a huge milestone in the deepening of our relationship.

As we grew closer, I began to question my decision to seriously date Ben, who was not Catholic. I finally concluded I would rather have someone with a strong, truly convicted faith than someone with a faith so flimsy he would convert to Catholicism to make me happy. Ben did, however, enter the Church later after his own spiritual journey.

Senior year was filled with hard work and more than a little trepidation. Ben was applying to medical school, and I was applying for international fellowship programs. So many nights were spent editing essays and applications. We didn’t talk much about our concrete plans after school, as so much was dependent on location: would we stay together if I was overseas and Ben was in the states? How would our respective careers shape our relationship?

Luckily, I didn’t make the cut for the international fellowships I’d applied for; proof that disappointments are all part of God’s plan.

Ben proposed five days before graduation, the outdoors gli stening from a fresh rain, with a ring he designed with a local jeweler.

We hired a former newspaper photographer and couldn’t be happier with our decision. Our wedding photos look different from most, and we like that. He did an excellent job capturing the energy and emotion of the day, without taking us away from the moments at hand.

My gown was handmade by my great-grandma, for my grandmother and her sister. My mom and her sister wore it, and I had the honor of doing the same. I decided to cut my cathedral-length veil (not an antique) after the ceremony was over--it was a smart choice for me. You only get to wear a veil once in your life, so I figured I might as well wear it as long as I could!

I bought my jewelry on Etsy the week before the wedding. Both pieces were vintage, from the 1930s and 40s. Our wedding bands were a gift from my grandparents, both of whom passed away when I was young. My mom, aunt, and bridesmaids made bouquets and corsages using flowers from Sam’s Club.

When we arrived at the church, there was scaffolding everywhere--no one had told us about the summer-long construction project! Music is so important to us, especially to Ben, and the songs for the liturgy included “Nearer My God to Thee” and “Love Divine All Loves Excelling,” accompanied by a beautiful organist and trumpeter.

We spent significant time choosing the Mass readings--Isaiah 43:1-3a, Psalm 128, Ephesians 5:2, 21-33, and Matthew 10:5a, 8-16--and writing our own petitions. It was incredibly special to share with our loved ones the words that spoke to us.

Our priest, Fr. Appel, gave the most beautiful homily. He spoke of the roots of the word "marriage," coming from the idea of “throwing your lot in” with another; in other words, taking a gamble. He explained that marriage is not intended for those who plan their entire future or have set expectations. Marriage is saying yes to the risk of committing your entire life to another.

Nearly every bride says her wedding day goes too fast; that she blinks and it’s over. We didn’t feel that way, and I credit it a single decision: to eat dinner by ourselves. Ben and I escaped to a side room during the cocktail hour to a side room and spent twenty minutes as just the two of us. Instead of running around, this time slowed us down and re-centered our focus: we had just gotten married! In the quiet, we were able to reflect on and celebrate what had just taken place.

Our reception venue was a beautiful club established in the 1800s, with wood paneling, antique lighting, a ballroom, and even an old-style bowling alley. We enjoyed having multiple spaces for hosting. The cocktail hour was held on the main floor of the building, where a wraparound porch overlooks an expansive front lawn prepared with tables, drinks, and yard games. Dinner and dancing were held upstairs in the ballroom, featuring chandeliers, wood floors, and a balcony. The movement was a key factor in the atmosphere--we wanted to transition our guests between relaxed socializing for cocktails, intimate dinner party vibes for dinner, and lively dancing for the rest of the night.

For reception décor, we sent our families on a mission to buy as many candles as possible. The room was aglow with over 800 candles in crystal holders Ben’s dad has collected over the years. My mom sewed all 88 yards of the table runners we used.

There were so many happy tears on our wedding day, particularly when my dad asked to cut our first dance short because he just couldn’t take it anymore! We danced to the lullaby he sung my sister and I every night before bed.

All of the speeches were beautiful, but my dad’s especially. He brought out the 2x4 board my family had used to measure our heights as children. He got out the measuring book and pencil, and measured Ben on our childhood memory, making him officially a part of the family. He also prepared the back of the board for the next generation of grandkids.

Ben and I both use one word when describing our wedding day: humbled. Humbled by the help our family and friends gave so readily in the months beforehand. Humbled by all our loved ones who came to celebrate with and show their love for us. And humbled by the blessing that is a lifelong union with each other and with Christ.

Photography: Mike Burley Photography | Church: St. Paul the Apostle Catholic Church, Davenport, IA | Wedding Reception Venue : The Outing Club, Davenport, IA | Rings: Doland Jewelers, Borsheims | Flowers: Sam’s Club | Invitations/Stationary: Designed by bride, Printing | Brides dress and veil: Handmade | Jewelry: Terry O’s, FemByDesign | Groom’s and Groomsmen’s Attire: Men’s Warehouse | The Tie Bar https://www.thetiebar.com/ | Hairstylist: Annette Johnson | Rentals: Century Car and Van Rental, Triple A Rentals

The Sophia Series | Jessi

We invite our longtime married readers to share the experiences that have marked, refined, and anointed their marriages; months and years that, by grace, transform the mundane, the bitter, and the incomprehensible into the fruits of holy wisdom. A purification and a clear vision for the path to heaven that lies ahead. The Sophia Series.

Jessi Caruthers, married since 2011, discovered the sorrow that unexpectedly lay beneath the thought of openness to life. And through the grace of her marriage, she learned to sit within that sorrow and find its redemption.

Photography: MD Turner Photography

It was on our first real date that my future husband told me there was a good chance he would never be able to parent children. We were sitting in this overpriced little Italian restaurant before going to an awful opera where Tim held my hand for the first time. We had known each other for a couple of years, and I knew he was a childhood cancer survivor. Before we began any sort of serious relationship, he wanted me to know that the treatment which, by the grace of God and modern medicine, saved his life, had the possible--even likely--side effect of causing infertility.

I thought very little of infertility that night. I was too busy worrying about what to do with my hands and if there was something in my teeth.

A little less than a year later on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, on a shared kneeler in our beautiful parish, Tim asked me to marry him. I said yes. Six months later, we were married in that same beautiful church. We vowed openly to accept children as gifts from God. We were also vowing to accept that our marriage would not be given that gift; at least not in the normal way.

While it is true that from the very beginning of our relationship I understood we were unlikely to conceive children, somehow I didn't really think that would be our cross.

We are good people. We would be good parents, I thought. Surely, God does not want us to be childless.

Doctors were pretty hopeful, too, since there were no other indications of underlying problems. So, we hoped.

We were eager to start our family when we married. I drove myself and my dear husband a little crazy each month when the signs I thought pointed to pregnancy actually pointed to quite the opposite. I was a wreck. I cried a lot. What made it worse was that I knew Tim felt responsible. After a year, Tim convinced me we should seek a diagnosis or prognosis to determine whether there was any hope of conception. Over the phone, we received the medical answer: zero chance. No clarification was needed. No explanation was given, just "not going to happen."

Once one has a ring on her finger, everyone from her hairdresser to her aunt, the nice lady who sits in front of her at mass, even her social media ads start wondering when the children will start coming. If it has been a couple years, some ask. Others simply assume that perhaps a couple isn’t really open to life.

Infertility is invisible and so isolating.

I remember sitting in the choir loft of our parish, looking down on all the women who stood for the priest's blessing, on the first Mother's Day after we found out with some certainty that we wouldn't have children. Sitting there, looking down, I wept bitterly. I was angry with God and I was angry with myself. Children are gifts from God--truly "the supreme gift of marriage"--but one that I would not have and that, I knew, was not owed to me. How dare I be angry with God for withholding a gift I don't deserve?

So, in shame and fear I hid myself from my husband, from my friends, and from my Creator. It was precisely in my desire for children that I neglected my vow to give myself totally and freely to my husband. Instead of leaning into my marriage by leaning on my husband; instead of leaning into my faith by embracing our cross; instead of allowing my friends to share my burden, I hid myself in work and pity. I busied myself, but I stopped praying. I felt all the feelings, and I tried to feel them alone. And at that I failed.

Photography: MD Turner Photography

During one of our monthly confession dates, a priest told me that in withholding this darkness from my husband I was failing him as a wife. I was not allowing him to be what he vowed to me: to be my husband, my rock, "in sickness and in health." It was a valuable lesson, a lesson that is unique to every marriage, but one I have realized all marriages need to learn in some way. For it is precisely in the hard things that we learn to love.

What we’ve learned is that marital love is a total and complete gift of self. And sometimes the gift of self that you would like to give--that gift of the self that has it together and is in control--is not the one you are able to give. Christ emptied himself on the cross. We are called in marriage to empty ourselves to our spouse, trusting that they will not leave us empty. That is precisely the icon of God's love that is found in marriage.

So, I became vulnerable before my husband. In allowing myself to be vulnerable, I allowed my husband to be who he vowed to be to me. And I allowed my husband to bring me back to trust in God.

I would not wish infertility on anyone. But as with any suffering, there are things to be learned and graces to be gained that could not be learned or received without that suffering.

I learned why the Church teaches children are the supreme gift and fruit of marital love. From an abstract, theological perspective, I understood, but it wasn't until it was suggested to me to get a sperm donor that I really got it. "You can even get a family member if biology is important to you," someone said.

I realized viscerally what I had only understood intellectually before that day: that I didn't just want to be pregnant and to have children. I longed for children precisely as an outpouring of our love. I wanted children that had my husband's nose and my eyes. Not for stupid aesthetic reasons, but because it is precisely out of that kind of love that children are gifts, and that children deserve to be born out of that love.

We might have been able to "fix" my not being able to be pregnant and my desire to have children, but it would have been without the only man I wanted to be their father. This is why only couples, not individuals, are infertile. My husband's cancer and his diagnosis might be the reason for our infertility--but precisely because we are married, if he is infertile then so am I.

I also learned to allow myself and others to grieve. I felt that because I hadn't lost a child, and we aren't owed a child by God, we had no right to grieve. We have this desire (especially Americans, I think) to fix people rather than embrace their sufferings. Suffering is uncomfortable, and we want to get over it as soon as possible.

When my husband and  told others about our infertility we were often told that it was God's will--as if taking away the right to be sad; if it is God's will then I should just surrender to it and even be happy about it. Even more often, we were given the ubiquitous advice that "you can always adopt". But adoption is not a replacement for fertility. And despite the myth, it doesn't cure it, either.

In Catholic theology we learn we are called to beget children as the gift and outpouring of marriage, but both in infertility and adoption, something has gone wrong. If we allowed ourselves and each other to grieve the fact that we would not have children by nature, that I would never feel the kick of a child in my womb, that Tim would never have children that look like him, we would be treating the children we adopt as replacements rather than the unique and unrepeatable individuals they are.

Infertility also taught us about grace. In the Easter Vigil liturgy we hear the proclamation "O Happy Fault that merited such and so great a redeemer!" It is precisely in our brokenness that God is able to fulfill us and to bring about an even greater good than we could have expected.

We are his children by adoption. It is through our brokenness that we are his, by grace.

It wasn't until we were able to accept our brokenness that we were free to suffer our inability to have children by nature, and that we were really ready to become parents by grace. And adoption is always from a place of brokenness. Something has gone wrong. We aren't there to fix that brokenness, but to redeem it in love. Love for expectant mothers in fear and crisis, love for birth parents who love their children more than themselves, and especially for those children, who enter into the world of brokenness and are placed in our family to be our children by grace. And like our redemption, it is truly a beautiful grace.

We learned to trust in God and listen to his desire for our family--to rely solely on him. Adoption is expensive and, as two teachers with student loans and small salaries, it seemed hopeless that we would be able to bring children into our home. My husband and I relied so heavily on each other's strengths: I relied on his ability to trust, and he relied on my ability to plan every eventuality. By relying on each other, and especially through the incredible generosity of our friends, God made adoption happen for us. We pray he has other children in mind to become part of our family.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you... and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.

Through our struggles with infertility, I learned that the yoke of selfishness and control is so much heavier than whatever cross Christ asks me to take with him. I learned that my husband is here to share that burden. And that, really, is what marriage is: carrying our cross together.

Jessi’s words of wisdom for brides:

Tell your husband what you need instead of making him guess: You need to hear that he thinks you are beautiful? Tell him. You need to feel appreciated? Tell him. You need him to do the dishes? Ask him to do the dishes! In the first couple years of marriage, I wanted my husband to just intuit what I wanted and needed, until I realized I was setting him up for failure in my mind. My husband is a great man; he wants to bring me to God and help to make me happy, but I was expecting him to be a mind reader, too. When I tell him what I need, he exceeds my expectations.

Find a prayer life and time that works for you and your spouse, and pray together. Make it a part of your shared lives, so that even when you don't feel like it your husband can move you to prayer, even when he isn't feeling it you can help him, so in your life you are always both pointed toward God, together.

Try to outdo your spouse in service and forgiveness, and try to outdo yourself each new day.

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About the Author: Jessi Caruthers is a wife to a really good man and a mother through adoption to an adorable and busy toddler. She puts her degree in Thomistic philosophy to good use teaching high school Ethics and Religion in a suburb of Houston. She aspires to shabby hospitality in her little yellow house, living a simple liturgical life and making beautiful things.

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Newlywed Life | The Growing Pains of New Marriage

STEPHANIE CALIS

My husband of two weeks sat beside me on the floor, bowls of black beans and rice before us and backs against our first Ikea couch. We ate, surrounded by an enamel Dutch oven, new and velvety towels, down pillows, gilded picture frames. The stuff of a wedding registry checked off. But without chairs to sit on for dinner.

Photography: Dan Zeller Photography, seen in Bridget + David | Summer Picnic-Style Wedding

Married at 23, with one of us in graduate school and the other commencing a job search in a new town, my husband and I began our wedded life absorbing the paradox of having just experienced the most elegant, special occasion of our lives--and all the generous gifts and photogenic dazzle it entailed--followed by a season of surprisingly unglamorous trials: extreme simplicity and a tight budget, arguments over whether dishes should be washed before bed or the following morning, equivocating over daily habits and routines, struggling to comprehend an NFP chart.

Before the wedding, we’d spent hours of our long-distance engagement on the phone, dreamily anticipating when we’d be together daily and no longer have to say goodbye for weeks at a time. We eagerly devoured spiritual literature on marriage, knowing even when emotion abandoned us from time to time, pure willpower and sacramental grace would sustain our love. It seems naive now, yet I still imagined we’d sail painlessly into marriage, our newlywed bliss drowning any minor frustrations.

Minor frustrations, however, often felt major, compounded by our financial situation and search for community four hours away from friends and family. Even in the genuine euphoria of finally being husband and wife, we bickered. I felt guilty, knowing material concerns and disagreements over trivial matters like whether to roll up the toothpaste tube were nothing; that the foundation of our love felt truly solid and that even with certain deprivations we still had much compared to some. I wish I could go back and tell myself it’s alright to have felt this way.

It wasn’t until a few months in, when my pride was mercifully stripped away that I could see these growing pains as a gift. Offerings from the Father to burn away our faults and, like iron in a fire, sharpen one another in virtue. The irritations of adjusting to a shared life didn’t immediately disappear. But suddenly, what seemed like obstacles in the way of love became opportunities to love.

My husband and I discussed expressly thanking God for any frustrations we felt with our situation or one another, knowing when we accept his invitation, all things are transformed and love disinterested in the self is all the more possible. “This is the very perfection of a man,” wrote Augustine, “to find out his own imperfections.”

Whatever your crosses as a newly married couple, consider this permission to struggle, and even to find the struggle discouraging. Welcome it all the same. There were times, in those early weeks of my marriage, a lie crept in that the grace of the sacrament just wasn’t working for us. I know now that difficulty doesn’t mean grace isn’t at work. It means that it is, and is ours to embrace.

The first steps of any journey can be the hardest, not least of which the steps on this pilgrimage to heaven. You aren’t alone, though. In flesh and in spirit, united to you entirely, is a second person--and a third.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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4 Ideas for Wedding Gifts to Your Beloved

The future Saint John Paul II wrote in Love and Responsibility that “[betrothed love’s] decisive character is the giving of one’s own person (to another). The essence of betrothed love is self-giving, the surrender of one’s ‘I.’” Every vocation finds its deepest fulfillment in self-gift; marriage, perhaps, in the most tangible way. Within the sacrament, husband and wife give nothing less than their entire selves to one another; a yes given in total freedom.

Photography: Amer Nabulsi, seen in Lisa + Steve | Canadian Summer Wedding

But that doesn’t mean you can’t commemorate your wedding with additional items besides your very beings. While there’s no rulebook requiring wedding gifts to each other are required, the gesture can carry emotional significance--particularly for those whom gift-giving is a love language. If you and your beloved have chosen to give each other wedding gifts, we present these four categories as a starting point for your ideas.

Experience gifts

The gift of quality time through shared experience not only creates an indelible memory of your first days as a married couple, but can be a surprise for your beloved if it’s planned for after your wedding day. You might secretly plan a dinner or pilgrimage in your honeymoon location, for instance, purchase two tickets for an upcoming sports event or concert, or book an in-home photography session to document your time as newlyweds.

Practical gifts

Of course, the start of your life together isn’t solely a material pursuit. When kept in a virtuous perspective, however--a detached sensibility and an understanding that life has its seasons of fasting and feasting within our means--it feels special to celebrate your marriage with a new or upgraded item your spouse (or the both of you) can use to elevate your daily routines and habits. Practical goods fit well into this category, including coffee equipment, tech items, barware, luggage or everyday bags, or even a piece of furniture your spouse would love or has his eye on.

Hobby-related gifts

Whatever your talents and interests, or whatever your spouse-to-be’s, there’s probably a way to channel them into a meaningful wedding gift: an original poem or song, a painting of the church where you were engaged or are to be married, an instrument, camera, journal, outdoor or hiking gear, or beautiful edition of a favorite book. Your hobbies are a source of creativity, and future leisure, waiting to be tapped into.

Spiritual gifts

A mass enrollment--perhaps at a church or with a religious order with significant meaning for your spouse--a statue, icon, or religious image for your home, family Bible, Rosary, or saint medal are gifts that offer a deeply personal element, allowing you to choose items that reflect the particular spirituality, saints, and devotions significant to who you are.

We love hearing the meaning and intention behind the details of your wedding day. Did you and your spouse exchange gifts, or are you planning to? Share your gift ideas for brides and grooms, and how you chose them, in the comments and on our social media.

3 Tips for Choosing Your Mass Music

CLARE SIMILIE

Picking the readings and the music for your wedding Mass is an opportunity to show the beauty of the sacrament. And while it can be fun to choose the music, it can also be a daunting task. There is no end to options for liturgical music and if you haven’t grown up singing in a Church Choir, you may not know where to begin. Here, some helpful tips and suggestions to get you started.

Photography: An Endless Pursuit as seen in Robyn + Greg’s Spring Garden-Inspired Wedding

Talk with your fiancé.

Do you imagine all the Mass parts sung in Latin? Do family members have strong opinions about what instruments belong inside a Church? Many of our Church music preferences have been deeply ingrained in us from our Mass-going days throughout our lives. You may assume your fiancé wants, for instance, to walk down the aisle to a guitar Matt Maher song like you do, when in reality he envisions Gregorian chant. You never know until you discuss it! If your tastes differ, be willing to compromise, like opting for a traditional Ave Maria along with a more modern Offertory hymn.

Get on the same page with your Music Director.

While it’s good to have some idea what music you and your fiancé like, having your parish’s  Music Director on board will ease much of the selection process. Many parishes have a guide with certain rules about what pieces you’re permitted to use--for example, did you know Wagner’s “Heres comes the Bride” is not used at Catholic Weddings? It’s helpful to familiarize yourself with the rules beforehand to prevent any conflict. Then, have an open mind! Chances are, the director has been doing this a long time and will have great advice and suggestions.

Research, research, research.

Once you know what the both of you are drawn to and have guidelines from your Music Director, it’s time for the fun part: actually choosing the music. If you don’t even know where to start, think back to your experiences at Mass: Are there any songs that particularly move you? Ones you love grabbing the hymnal and singing along to? You might also consider asking recently married friends about their selections. Put together a Spotify list of any potential songs, and once you have lots of options, take a day to go through the list together and pick some favorites. If you are still stuck, below is a list of suggestions:

In the end, your wedding Mass, including the music, is a prayer you are offering to God. The beauty of music lifts our souls higher. If you approach your selections with that in mind, you will not fail.

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About the Author: Clare Smillie works in development for her diocese's local social service. She is passionate in her work for the Church and enjoys volunteering with her parish and Young Adult Group, and is looking forward to her Summer 2018 wedding. Clare and her fiancé, both graduates of Thomas Aquinas College, bonded over their love of Aquinas, G.K Chesterton and C.S Lewis. Her current favorite saint is Theresa Benedicta of the Cross, a.k.a. Edith Stein, and is inspired by Theresa's love of the intellectual life and pursuit of truth. Clare loves her home state of Montana and is a (very) amateur wedding cake baker.

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Ada + Greg | Texas Vintage Wedding

Ada and Greg met at seventeen while attending an admissions event at a Catholic college, where neither of them ended up going. Ada recalls Greg ignoring her when she tried to talk to him. He doesn’t remember their first meeting at all. But when they found themselves together during freshman orientation at a different school that Fall, the Lord began revealing his plans for them.

Greg and Ada became friends--inseparable friends, but nothing more. They studied and spent time together, went to the same parties, and were there for each other during significantly difficult and happy moments.

One of the latter took place during a semester in Rome. Amidst seasons of individual personal discernment, Ada and Greg witnessed Pope Benedict’s last public Mass on Ash Wednesday and prayed a rosary outside Castel Gandolfo as the gates closed on the last day of his papacy. When Pope Francis was elected, they were both there in Saint Peter’s Square.

They began dating their last semester of college, approximately a week after Ada accepted a job in another city. From early, they knew dating would either make or break their friendship. Ada also knew she was serious about Greg, who rearranged his life to stay near her in Texas.

Shortly after graduation, however, their careers took them long-distance for two years. While apart between weekend visits, they wrote letters and made phone calls to stay connected.

From the Bride: In addition to our long-distance relationship, we were also undergoing the major transition of leaving college and moving into the workforce. We often questioned whether our relationship was worth the time, effort, and stress we put into it. But despite our doubts, we ultimately believed our relationship was growing into something bigger, and probably better, than anything we could build alone.

We decided to get married before we officially announced our engagement, and we spent a month in challenging discernment. We don’t make decisions lightly, so we needed time for honest introspection, discussion, and prayer before we were ready to share our news. On a cloudy February Sunday, Greg asked me to be his wife and presented me with a gorgeous antique ring. Our friends and families were overjoyed, and the enthusiasm that greeted us offered confirmation that we were making the right decision.

Because we had a short engagement, we knew we needed to spend our time of preparation wisely. We spent time reading and discussing books on the sacramental and relational aspects of marriage and even met with a Catholic marriage counselor, in addition to the required preparation at our parish. For us, engagement was a period of even deeper discernment, and there were still many doubts and struggles to be overcome before the wedding day.

Something I struggled with in wedding planning was a nagging doubt that my wedding wouldn’t be good enough. I felt discouraged even in the midst of all of the joy and excitement. My mom, however, put things in perspective, saying, “We are going to have Mass and a party. It’s just a Mass and a party.” Knowing my wedding day wasn’t about perfection or glamour allowed me to enjoy more of the planning process.

Although our families were on opposite coasts while we planned our Texas wedding, they were still intimately involved in the planning.

My dress had been worn twice before by my grandmother and her sister, who were married ten weeks apart in 1963.

My veil was new, but similar to the one they and my mother had all shared. The necklace I wore belonged to my great-grandmother. In many ways, these heirlooms set the overall theme for our vintage-inspired wedding.

My bridesmaids were Greg’s three sisters, as well as mine. We asked our parents to proclaim the readings at our Mass, which was particularly meaningful: Greg and I had both been homeschooled, so our parents had truly been the ones to teach us the word of God. I also carried a small Holy Family medal that my dad had given to me as a toddler after he attended a retreat at a Trappist monastery. It has gone nearly everywhere with me, and it was important to me to have it with me on the day Greg and I created a new family.

Beautiful music for our Mass was a major priority. Because the chapel where we were married didn’t have an organ, we chose to have a string trio, pianist, and vocalist. We wanted our wedding liturgy to be particularly beautiful because it was, after all, the main event. We were also very lucky that many of our friends are musically gifted; their singing supported many of the hymns we chose.

As I entered the church with my dad, the congregation sang “O God, Beyond All Praising.” This has been a favorite hymn of mine since I was a teenager, but the lines, “And whether our tomorrows be filled with good or ill / We’ll triumph through our sorrows and rise to bless You still” had stuck with me throughout our engagement as the perfect motto for married life. Greg and I pledged ourselves “for better or for worse,” and despite the difficulties that may arise, God will always be with us and guide us.

One of my favorite memories from the wedding is walking down the aisle towards Greg, passing so many friends from different phases of our lives, all gathered to celebrate and pray with us. At the altar I was met by Greg and Fr. Thomas Esposito, O. Cist., a dear friend and advisor whom we’d first met in Rome. In many ways, Fr. Thomas knows us a little too well, because his homily was full of friendly ribbing as well as good-natured advice.

Greg chose our offertory hymn, “What Wondrous Love is This?,” his personal favorite. The words were perfect, reminding us that love is a sacrifice. I had also engraved the words “stern as death is love,” from the Song of Songs, inside Greg’s wedding ring as a reminder to myself of what I was promising him. He had “the greatest of these is love,” engraved in my ring, taken from the Epistle to the Corinthians we had chosen for the second reading. Finally, during communion, we sang “Be Thou my Vision,” asking God to lead us through our marriage and the rest of our lives together.

Because we were so nervous during the Mass itself, we were surprised to find later that there hadn’t been a dry eye in the congregation. Many guests, both Catholic and non-Catholic, have told us since that they had never been to such a beautiful Mass.

We were so elated after the Mass, and all of our friends and family were ready to celebrate at the reception. Greg and I danced to a song he has always played to me on his guitar. One of the highlights of the evening was the toast Greg’s father had written for us, a particularly beautiful mediation on marriage:

One needs courage to uphold such honor as the years of life grow long. Such courage may seem to have grown rare, but God has not grown less generous in His grace. You must have faith in his generosity, and though the world press on you from dawn to dusk, you must not deem the world more formidable than yourselves.

We were blessed to celebrate into the night with all those who had come to wish us well, particularly those whose weddings we had attended in the past. We ended the night by forming a giant conga line out of the building, while our friends sent us off to the tune of “The Parting Glass,” a traditional Irish folk song.

Despite all the challenges we felt as we prepared for marriage, our wedding reminded us we are not alone. We have friends and family who support us and provide wonderful examples of loving marriages. We also felt strengthened by the sacrament of marriage, so that when hard times do come, we will have the courage to face them.

Photography: Red Fern Photography | Church: St. Ann Catholic Church, Coppell, TX | Reception: Las Colinas Country Club, Irving, TX | Bride shoes: DSW: dsw.com | Bride earrings: Anthropologie | Veil: Mariso lAparicio :Www.esty.com/ shop/marisolaparicio | Bridal hair & make up: Dear Clark | Salon: Dearclark.com | Gown: Vintage | Necklace: Vintage | Bridesmaids’ dresses: Azazie: azazie.com | Bridesmaids’ jewelry: Chole and Isabel: www.choleandisabel.com | Invitations: Basic | Invite: basicinvite.com | Engagement ring: Vintage | Groom wedding band:DiamondBoutiqueCo : Www.esty.com/ shop/diamondboutiqueco | Groom / groomsmen suits:Jos. A. Banks | Groom/ groomsmen ties: Jos. A. Banks | Cake: Loft22 Cakes: Loft22cakes.com | Flowers: Lizzie Bee’s | Flower Shoppe: Lizziebees.net | Catering: Las Colinas Country Club

Editors' Picks | Vol. 11: Wedding Favors

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. Every month or two, we share our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

We've shared a selection of distinctively Catholic wedding favors with you before. Today, the editors chat about other give-worthy items that reflect who you are and offer your guests something beautiful, practical, or both.

Stephanie, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

Personalized Wine Stoppers: For a winery reception or couples for whom wine or cocktails are a hobby, these American-made wine bottle stoppers featuring your names or invitation suite logo look great on countertops and serve a practical need.

Charitable donation: If you’d like one of your first gestures as husband and wife to be an act of giving, consider making a donation to charity. Be sure to share info with your guests identifying the organization and explaining its significance to you; it’s a unique opportunity to share a cause you’re passionate about. To keep things harmonious, I suggest choosing an organization without strong political or moral overtones. Catholic Relief Services, L’Arche USA, and The Laboure Society are all excellent options serving humanitarian causes and the future of the Church.

Christmas ornaments: A festive choice for Advent or Christmas season weddings, send your guests home with something to trim their trees. You might choose something as simple as glass spheres purchased in bulk, or as elaborate as a custom monogrammed option.

Personalized Pencils: A pretty and useful way to share your married names, wedding location, or phrase from a favorite saint or prayer in your wedding colors. I’d smile to receive these from a bride and groom who were teachers, artists, or writers, but would also appreciate them from just about anyone!

Andi, Business Director

Cookies: Consumable favors are my favorite, simply because the majority of guests will consume them and not leave them on the tables after the reception. My preference is to source from a local bakery, one that’s special to you or your wedding destination--my husband and I chose a famous bakery from his hometown--or go homemade with a family recipe.

Spices: One of my clients was a nutritionist who served Greek food at her reception and gave her guests a small jar of Greek seasoning to take home. I’m still using my jar, and every time I use it I think of the couple.

Handmade soap: Another excellent consumable! I’ve received these as favors before and loved using them in my bathroom and in the tub.

Hand-lettered quotes: Most people like inspirational quotes, and prints like these are a simple way to evangelize through beauty and truth.

Custom Rosaries: I was so impressed at my friend, who crafted a Rosary for each and every guest at her wedding. When I pray with it or even just see it, I instantly remember her and her husband’s special day.

Jiza, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Fans: If you are getting married during the hot season or if your reception will be outside, fans can be the perfect practical favor to help keep your guests cool. My husband and I got married in August, which can be very hot and humid in the South, so the fans we provided were well used during our reception.

Prayer Cards: A customized card of your patron saint is a beautiful way to share your faith with your wedding guests. Much like what you would see at an priestly ordination, you too can customize a card with your names, wedding date, patron saint(s), and a prayer. My husband and I created a card with Saint Raphael, Tobit, and Sarah on the front and with our names, date, and a quote on the back.

Food: Who doesn't love food? I can't pick just one category. There is an abundance of ideas out there when it comes to your favorite food as a wedding favor: your favorite spice rub, liquor, coffee, or even hot sauce. You can flip your favorite snack into a bar for creating candy bags or decorating donuts. Maybe you have a bakery or shop that you absolutely love. The possibilities are endless.

We love hearing your ideas and seeing the myriad ways your wedding details reflect who you are as a couple. Share the favors you gave out, or will give out, at your wedding, and the best favors you've received from others, in the comments and on our social media.

Vendor Spotlight | Gloriam Marketing

Sometimes, within your vocation, another call can arise and bear fruit. One bride’s wedding planning experience brought a uniquely personal and practical new dimension to her business.

In her eight years of working at a parish, Emily Ricci sensed a need: when unequipped with marketing essentials like attractive bulletins and fliers, she realized, it was easy to see why some perceive the Church as out of touch and not with the times. “In my experience,” she says, “evangelization and marketing go hand in hand.” The product, in this case, is Jesus Christ. While working in marketing for her alma mater, Emily founded Gloriam Marketing, providing marketing, consulting, and event planning services to Catholic churches throughout her home state of New York and beyond

When Emily married her husband Aaron in June 2017, she worked long and hard on Mass programs, but struggled to come up with wording for the reception of Communion, concerned about being as welcoming as possible to non-Catholic guests while still speaking the truth. “This was the one opportunity I would have to evangelize to our many family and friends who would be in attendance,” she shares. “The more I considered this idea, the more I realized my wedding provided not only an opportunity to explain the Eucharist to our family and friends, but also the entirety of a Catholic wedding: Why do Catholic weddings take place in a church? Why do we exchange rings? Why do Catholics view marriage as a sacrament, and what does that mean? I began to write, and soon it turned into a double-sided insert that went inside of our program for guests to read while waiting for the Mass to start. In these explanations, I attempted to approach the ‘rules’ with humor and acceptance, striving to really show our guests how welcome they were; explaining what was going on during the Mass, especially for those who may not have been familiar with Catholic traditions.”

The inserts were a hit. Numerous guests suggested Emily create similar text and inserts for other couples, and there began Gloriam’s wedding services. The company offers design and printing for Catholic wedding programs, as well as custom inserts detailing the Mass and ceremony, for both local and remote couples, each infused with Emily’s attention to clients’ individual aesthetic and needs.

 From Emily: What's unique about Gloriam is that unlike other designers and printers, I have a background in the Catholic faith, so I can work one-on-one with a client to make sure the information being presented is both beautifully designed and true to our faith. I am currently pursuing my Master's degree in theology, so I come at the creative process with the ability to work from both a design and theological standpoint with each client. Clients don't have to worry about coming up with content on their own; I work with each and every bride or groom on wording (I also have a degree in English, with a concentration in writing), language, and ensuring everything is theologically sound.

A major advantage of this work is that it can be done completely via email or Skype. Clients do not have to be from my area or even from the United States, which results in one less thing for couples to worry about during an already hectic time packed with other vendor meetings. 

I look at each project I take on as an opportunity from God to give him glory. As a recent bride myself, I recognize the stress each bride and groom are under to make their wedding day perfect, and appreciate helping make their day memorable with attention to details. As a society, I hope to see more couples witness to what a God-given marriage looks like. I like to think through my work, I am helping them in that witness.

Photography: Newman Photos, as seen in Emily + Aaron: College Memories Wedding

An interview with Emily

Hometown: Wappinger Falls, New York

Favorite saint: Saint Marie of the Incarnation. She’s my confirmation saint!

What is your favorite thing about working on weddings? Working on a wedding program gets me all nostalgic about my own wedding. And I love being a small part of the evangelization my couples will bring through their marriages! 

Favorite place I’ve traveled: Mystic, Connecticut. I used to go there for retreats with my family each year on Enders Island. Gorgeous.

On my bucket list: Trying out for The Voice. 

My favorite wedding-day memory: My father-in-law, who is extremely quiet and shy, grabbing my hand and taking me out on the dance floor at our reception. It should probably be something about my husband, but that is the first thing that pops into my mind because it was so unexpected. Romantically, my favorite moment was leaning over during the Mass and whispering to Aaron, "We're married!"

 Love means…Sacrifice. Sacrifice until it no longer feels like sacrifice.

GLORIAM MARKETING | WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM

Becca + Phil | Christmas Picnic Wedding

In the past, Becca and Phil had both discerned religious vocations. By the time they both felt ready to date and pursue marriage, they met online. Becca shared in her profile that her dream man wouldn’t be unlike Ebeneezer Scrooge’s nephew, Fred, in A Christmas Carol.

A few days later, she received a message from Phil, sharing that he was an actor currently playing the role of Fred. Their conversations began flowing nonstop. One week later, they met face to face, and began officially dating the following month on the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, who has since become their patroness.

From the Bride: We both knew pretty quickly that this was serious and we began to talk about marriage and family a few months in. During our courtship, we, who are both teachers, were both directing theatre shows at the same time that I was working and in grad school. Through all of the hectic scheduling and stress, we were still able to support each other through prayer and were able to attend every one of each other’s events.

After our engagement, things were crazy: I got a new job, Phil took on summer work to help with our expenses, and we decided to do all of the wedding planning ourselves. Yet through it all, there was so much growth and so many insecurities in us uncovered, so many new steps taken in our faith and so much joy shared in the chaos. With every step, we were extremely blessed. So many times we thanked the Lord for someone who was willing to help us or do something for the wedding for manageable rates. God continued to pull people out of the woodwork that consistently blessed us with financial gifts, emotional support or practical help. The Lord was so present there with us, and our celebrant and Pastor, Fr. Dan Leary, was a vital part of showing us or leading us into God's presence.

We got engaged at the Seton Shrine in Emmitsburg, Maryland, a place rich with meaning for us. We both feel very devoted to St. Elizabeth Ann Seton and still visit the Shrine often. During our dating and courtship, we prayed the St. Andrew Novena and Fr. Michael Gaitley’s 33 Days to Morning Glory Consecration to Mary. We followed that with Fr. Gaitley’s Consecration to Merciful Love. Right before our wedding, we wrote a novena that included all of our patrons.

The Mass was the most important part of planning for us. Though we were frequently told we needed to focus more on reception items, attire, or favors, both of us felt strongly that the Mass shouldn’t be on the back burner. We wanted the day to be focused on the sacrament and desired that the Mass would draw our friends and family closer to the Lord and the Church.

As musicians ourselves, the music for the liturgy was very important to us. We were blessed by eight of our close friends singing as a choir and by 3 priests who concelebrated the Mass. The liturgy opened with "Jesus, All for Jesus" and ended with "God, We Praise You," because this was the reason we decided to get married: to offer ourselves as a gift to God, to do His will, love Him and love each other.

The readings were from Song of Solomon 2:8-10, 14, 16; Psalm 34, Romans 12 and John 17. Fr. Dan's homily was focused on the reality of the sacrament, not just the symbolic gesture. His theme was 1+1=1, which quickly became our wedding hashtag. He focused "this body, broken for you" and our sacrifice for one another, in flesh and spirit. One of the most moving moments of the Mass was during the Communion meditation, set to the song "Even Unto Death" by Audrey Assad. It was, and is, our continued commitment to God and each other. There was a great witness during that moment that has been echoed by several of our guests, some of whom are not even Christians. We are confident that their testimony is the fruit of prioritizing the liturgy above everything else.

The day was full of trust and peace. We both took the morning pretty slowly and enjoyed some quality time with friends and in prayer. The celebration itself was also pretty simple. Because we paid for most things ourselves, we kept expenses to a minimum.

We used the December Christmas season to our advantage, calling our reception our "Christmas Picnic". We used chalkboards, biodegradable snow, white lights, curtains, pine and holly to decorate. We used pine and cedar disks as centerpieces, with lanterns on top. Phil even built a s'mores bar where guests could roast marshmallows. The meal featured picnic items: sandwiches, salads, lemonade, and chips, followed by hot chocolate, tea, hot cider and coffee. The casual theme allowed for a peaceful and fun atmosphere, where everyone could really relax and celebrate.

My dress was a beautifully unexpected choice. I went shopping with ideas in my head, but ended up with something totally different than I’d originally imagined.

At the reception, people continually came up to us raving about the ceremony. That was so wonderful after our frequent prayers that our Mass would be the focus of the day.

Despite cake getting on both of us (Phil had asked me not to, but some seminarians sitting by the cake pressured me into it at the last minute!), we were both overjoyed. We made lots of rounds to see everyone and remember the reception flying by. It truly was everything we thought it would be.

It was truly so meaningful as Catholics. The Mass was a milestone and because I'm a convert, it was so beautiful putting the whole thing together and seeing every part's meaning; the intention behind every word and motion. Our day was so special because the highlight, truly the "source and summit" was the Mass, the Eucharist and the sacrament of Matrimony. Having almost 200 people there to share this amazing occasion was so overwhelmingly beautiful and moving. We feel so blessed by Fr. Dan, by our family and what our wedding was and is for us now.

Photography: Amy Leigh Horan Photography http://www.amyleighhoran.com/ Church: St. Joseph's Catholic Church, Emmitsburg, Maryland | Reception Venue: Thurmont American Legion, Thurmont, Maryland | Engagement ring by Wholesale Diamond Consultants: http://www.wdc14k.com/, Flowers by Freesia & Vine: https://favflowers.com/, Invitations designed by the Bride and printed by Vistaprint: https://www.vistaprint.com/?rd=1, Decor Rental by I Do, You Do Wedding Decor Rentals: http://www.facebook.com/idoyoudo.wedding.rentals and Freesia & Vine: https://favflowers.com, Catering by Wegman's: https://www.wegmans.com/, Bride's dress from I Do I Do: https://www.idoidoweddinggowns.com/, Bride's veil from Your Heirloom Veil: https://www.etsy.com/shop/YourHeirloomVeil, Bride's shoes from Cinderollies: https://www.cinderollies.com/, Bride's jewelry from Lizardi Bridal: https://www.etsy.com/shop/LizardiBridal, Bride's fur bolero from Meshka Bridal: https://www.etsy.com/shop/MeshkaBridal, Groom and Groomsmen tie clips from SiBelle Jewelry: https://www.etsy.com/shop/SiBelleJewelry, Bride's Ring from Pompeii3: https://www.etsy.com/shop/Pompeii3, Groom's Ring from Manly Bands: https://manlybands.com/, Groom's suit, tie and shoe, and groomsmen ties by JcPenney: https://www.jcpenney.com/, Cake baked by Kelly Clabaugh, Fairfield, PA; Bride's makeup by Kim Sykes, Mary Kay Rep; DJ by Greffen Audio Visual: https://www.facebook.com/Greffen-Audio-Visual-232231706827995/; Reception Coordinator: Linda O'Brien, Mass Music provided by local musician friends, Cake Topper by Momo Rad Rose: https://www.etsy.com/shop/MomoRadRose

When You and Your Sister Are Both Engaged

KAT FINNEY + GENEVIEVE ALLEN

Do you have not just your own wedding drawing near on the calendar, but that of someone else you’re close to?

Kat and Genevieve are sisters who got engaged within three days of each other and were married in the same year. “Wedding planning together was one of the sweetest experiences of our lives,” shares Kat, “but it can also come with some challenges.” For other women planning their weddings at the same time as their own sisters, family members, or close friends, we’re honored to share the fruits of these ladies’ wisdom.

Practical Considerations

Photography: Sabree Hill Photography, seen in Katherine + Jonathan | New Orleans Traditions Wedding

In Kat’s words: One of the more obvious benefits to being engaged at the same time as your sister is the mutual experience of planning for one of life’s biggest moments. You get to giggle over wedding magazines and dream about the future together. It’s like that time you marched down the aisle of your shared bedroom together, humming “da da da dum” and wearing veils made of curtains, only it’s real. Take some time together to go to lunch and let it sink in that this is really happening. Take pictures. Toast each other. Soak it up.

A great practical benefit of getting married around the same time as my sister was familiarizing ourselves with vendors in the area. You might consider working with wedding vendors who offer referral packages, should you both choose to book with them. We used many of the same vendors, not only because we liked what they had to offer, but also because many of them had referral offers in exchange for spreading the word about their businesses.

One possible downside: we were concerned since our weddings were in the same year, our guests would have déjà vu once they went to the second wedding. The key when using the same vendors is to stay true to your own taste. It was very tempting for me to just copy all of Gen’s décor, simply because I knew she had great ideas and her wedding would be beautiful. But even though I loved everything about Gen’s wedding and the details she chose, I would have been untrue to myself if I hadn’t gone with my own choices. Never compromise your own style, even when your bestie’s is temptingly gorgeous.

Photography: Marroquin Photography, seen in Genevieve + Dalton | Holiday Rock 'n' Bowl Wedding

In Genevieve’s words: Kath and I even had some of the same bridesmaids, so we tried to be conscious of cost when making choices for our bridal party. That's at least two dresses, showers, and bachelorette parties your favorite girls might feel pressure to pay for, so consider what investments could be optional. For example, does it really matter that all of your bridesmaids are in heels? No. So request that your girls wear nude shoes, but don't specify a style. If you want everyone in the same kind of jewelry, provide that as your bridesmaid gift.

Lots of these little things won't actually matter to you in the end, but they can provide big savings for some of the most important women in your life. I actually wish I hadn't been so firm on the color of bridesmaid dress for my wedding, because I now love the trend of mismatched but coordinating gowns. This cost consideration goes for wedding guests, too. If you have a registry, include a wide range of items and price points. Whether you’re getting married in the same year as your sister or not, this is a considerate thing to do.

Things to Do Together and Apart

Kat: One of the best decisions Gen and I made was to scheduling our own individual dress appointments, as opposed to trying to find our dresses at the same time. The first time we ever tried on dresses, we decided we’d go and both look together. It would kill two birds with one stone, right?

Sabree Hill Photography

Wrong. We ended up not really being able to shop well, each wondering if our sister was going to want the same dress or bringing dresses off the racks for each other while forgetting to look for ourselves. We hated every dress we tried on that day and felt discouraged after leaving. This may not be how everyone experiences shared dress shopping dates, but both of us highly recommend making separate appointments. The main reason is it takes the pressure off and allows you to better dote on your friend or sister as she shops for her gown.

Marroquin Photography

Genevieve: Ultimately, this day is about you, your future spouse, and your marriage. It can be easy to forget about that when you’re covered in bridal magazines and fabric swatches. Some things, like choosing shoes or wedding jewelry, are naturally going to be better sister activities.

Most wedding decisions and preparation, however, should be focused on you and your spouse. You probably will be able to identify which wedding tasks your fiancé won't care too much about, but give him the opportunity to make decisions with you before assuming he won't be interested. For example, I knew my fiancé cared not at all about flowers, so this was one aspect of planning Kath and I had a great time tackling together.

Keeping It Prayerful

Kat: We suggest saying a novena together in preparation for your weddings. Obviously this can be done with your fiancé, but it can also be done with your bestie. Nothing is more important in the wedding planning process than spiritual preparation. And when you know you have the spiritual support of your best friend, it can be a real source of grace and inspiration during a potentially stressful time.

Gen and I both took different routes for marriage prep within the Church. It’s good to recognize that your relationship and your sister’s are different, and that no one option is a “best” choice; there’s only a best choice suited to you and your fiancé as a couple.

Sabree Hill Photography

My fiancé and I met regularly with the deacon at the church where we got married, along with about a dozen couple-to-couple meetings. I couldn’t recommend this more, especially if you know a couple you admire and if you have the time to meet. This brought up so many difficult questions that we were able to answer before getting married, and we had tons of fun with the couple who guided us. The downside to this route is if you don’t know the couple leading you or have trouble relating to them, this could be a very dull, drawn out, and frustrating process, so the Engaged Encounter weekend may be better if you don’t have a mentor couple in mind.

Genevieve: My husband Dalton and I chose to do an Engaged Encounter instead of a mentor couple. We liked the idea of being isolated in a retreat-type setting for our marriage prep, away from distractions.

Marroquin Photography

I could probably write an entire book on the pros and cons of that weekend. Overall, it was very meaningful. We learned a lot about each other, ate bad retreat food, prayed for our future family, learned an overview of NFP (luckily we had our own Creighton instructor to fill in the rest), and generally felt a lot more prepared for marriage. If you have some hurdles to overcome prior to your wedding day--differences in faith practices, family of origin issues, or questions about Church teaching, the couple to couple option might be a more fruitful experience for you.

Finally, try to resist the temptation to compare your engagement, wedding, or relationship to that of your sister and her fiancé. We have found the best way to overcome this is to simply love and want the best for each other. Prayer can help with this, and so can open communication with your future spouse and your sister.

I found that my biggest point of comparison with Kath was actually our rehearsal dinner speeches. Her toast was the perfect blend of humor and emotion, and even as she was delivering it, I was regretting that mine wasn’t as good. I had to try to let that feeling go quickly because I wanted to enjoy the moment, but I’m still kind of jealous, even now! That girl can give a speech.

The joyous swirl of wedding planning is made even better when you are experiencing it with your sister. No one can better understand why you might feel the need to burst into tears when you finally find the perfect cake topper after hours of browsing on Etsy. No one is better at letting you know when you might be veering off into Bridezilla territory. No one's smile will be bigger when you finally walk down the aisle. Well, your fiancé's smile should probably be bigger, but yours might be almost as big.

Visit, or revisit, Kat and her husband Jonathan's wedding here and Genevieve and her husband Dalton's, both rich with New Orleans traditions, here.

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About the Authors: Genevieve and Katherine are sisters and best friends from New Orleans, Louisiana. Gen is the older sister, a nurse and lactation consultant living in Louisiana. Kat is a former high school religion teacher who now stays at home in Pittsburgh with her daughter. Gen loves to stay inside and cozy up to a good book; Kat loves to be outside and to do karaoke with her husband. Gen is the introvert; Kat is the extrovert. Since they live far away from each other, they use their blog, The Sister Post, as one way to keep up communication lines and to share ideas and stories with each other and their readers. The purpose of their blog is to empower women to share in a common sisterhood; they see each other as their best resource, and they hope by sharing their own ideas, tips, and stories, other women will be uplifted by the online sisterhood they've created.

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Enter Our Summer Giveaway with Radiant Magazine + Anthropologie!

June brings with it bare feet, travel, reading that stirs the soul, and, hopefully, a marriage celebration or two on your calendar. We want to help you set the stage.

With wedding season in full swing, we’ve collaborated with Radiant Magazine, a quarterly print periodical for Catholic young women, to gift one lucky follower a copy of Radiant's Summer 2018 Love Issue, featuring Spoken Bride, and a $50 gift card to Anthropologie (also good for Anthro's wedding line, BLDHN!). To enter:

1. Follow @spokenbride and @radiantmag on Instagram.
2. On the corresponding giveaway post in Instagram, tag a Catholic bride-to-be or newlywed in a comment. Each separate comment is a chance to win.

The giveaway begins today and ends Tuesday, June 19, 2018 at 11:59pm EST/ 8:59pm PST. Winner will be randomly selected and notified via Instagram on Friday, June 22, 2018.

Click here to read the official giveaway rules.