Readers Share | 100 Words of Advice for Brides

Like the sacrament of marriage itself, we intend for this ministry to be lived in communion. We are wildly grateful, with all glory to God, for every story, comment, and prayer intention you entrust to us that makes that possible. Thank you. We recently asked Spoken Bride newsletter subscribers and social media followers to share with us their best advice for your wedding day and marriage, in 100 words or less. Here’s what you had to say.

Emma Dallman Photography

Invite as much love as you can to your wedding instead of worrying about limiting the invite list. The week of the wedding, when last minute people cannot attend, you will wish that everyone you love could be there.

My favorite memory, was sitting after communion just in front of the first pew. Being surrounded by the love of Jesus, my spouse, and my loved ones squeezing my knee after they received made me realize how blessed and loved I truly am. That is what I want for every bride. - Kayleigh 

My advice for brides on their wedding day is to slow down and really take in every moment. The whole day is such a blur once it’s over! There is so much pressure to make sure the whole day is “perfect,” but I really cherished the moments where it was just me and my husband taking in our special day together."- Michelle

My husband and I have been together for 21 years and married for 15.

Trust your entire life to your spouse’s love and intentions. Apologize and resolve any conflict right away, no matter who is at fault. Laugh and hug every single day you’re together. Find joy in who you are now and later, as you will both evolve. Never put yourself down. Never speak about stressful things as soon as you come home. Always eat dinner together. Talk constantly. Pray together. Hold hands during the homily. Kiss good night. Know that any hardship or joy is God’s will. This is just the beginning of a most beautiful life. - Milissa, @milis_sweets

Say Hail Marys throughout the day with the intention of soaking up each particular moment. It slowed me down, allowed me to take everything in, and challenged me to remind myself of Mary’s humility (because it’s a day when the attention is all on the bride!). - Kat, @katfinney

Realize that the day will go by in a blink. It’s you and your husband’s big day, but it will go by so fast and both of you will be pulled in a million different directions. Don’t let this frustrate you. Enjoy the day, roll with the tide, and know that any bumps or unexpected things will be sources of laughter for years to come. - Amy, @catholic_pilgrim79

When you find things difficult, think of the moment that brought you to choosing [your spouse] as a life partner. Think of the moments you both proved your love for each other. Think of the promises you made with God on the altar to stay together at all times. This moment will also pass away. Keep calm, pray, and ask for the grace to forgive and forget. Stand for your love at any cost. Be patient in prayer. - Matt, @matt.nrktl

Do as much planning as you think is necessary, but leave room for God’s plans, too. Allow him to lead your day! Try not to get overwhelmed by the little things because at the end of the day, it’s the sacrament that will hold the highest value. The details just make it all pretty! - Erika, @stellaofthesea

Soak up a bit of alone time with just your new husband throughout the day! We skipped the limo or group ride from the church to reception and opted to make the drive just the two of us--a very beautiful memory! - Janet, @rn2sahm

Stop and breathe. Take a look at everything and take it in. - Spring, @skinnybamboo

What would you add to this list? Share your advice in the comments and on our social media!

Editors Share | The Rituals that Make Up Our Marriages

It’s a gift to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share ours with you, as well.

If major life events--your wedding, honeymoon, the births of children--are the framed, album-worthy milestones of a shared life, small daily routines are more akin to your phone’s camera roll. But who doesn’t love scrolling back through those memories? Rituals elevate the routine to something memorable. “Whether they’re big or small, simple or elaborate, daily or yearly,” writes Jenny Rosenstrach, “all our rituals serve the same purpose: They bring comfort, connection, and meaning to our days.”

Today, we’re sharing the rituals that deepen our relationships and create a sense of warmth and tradition in our marriages.

Photography: Wyn Wiley, seen in How He Asked | Emily + Jeff

Stephanie, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

The Rosary in the car: When my husband and I first started dating, we spent hours wandering aimlessly around our college campus, hand in hand, and would often find time to pray the Rosary as we walked. Years later, with three children four and under, our time for uninterrupted walks is limited, but we do still love to pray together to Our Lady, usually on long car rides home from visiting family. I hope the memory of falling asleep past their bedtimes, listening to their parents pray, is a memory our kids will hold on to.

Sriracha noodles: For a quick meal after our kids are in bed, for an indulgent Sunday lunch (butter, pasta, no vegetables), or for pure comfort, this recipe is our go-to a few times a month.

Crosswords: There are few things I find more relaxing than the feel of my husband’s hand on my shoulder as we hunch over the Sunday crossword at the kitchen table. We love puzzles, particularly crosswords, and you might be surprised how after just a few weeks, you’ll start to pick up on the structure of the clues and be able to fill in most of the answers!

Andi, Business Director

Netflix: My husband Matt and I love to watch movies and binge watch TV shows together. Half of the time we’re just talking about our day and random thoughts that come up, but it’s so nice to just snuggle up on the couch and watch something together. Current favorites include stand up comedy specials, Victoria, This Is Us, and The Crown.

Good ice cream: Whenever we travel somewhere, we like to find local ice cream spots to treat our kids at. Our favorite so far is McConnell’s in Santa Barbara--I was pleasantly surprised by their Lemon Marionberry during our last trip. I’ve been known to grab some Creamistry or Talenti Gelato for us, once the kids are in bed as a late-night treat.

Nighttime prayer: Every night we tuck the kids in their beds and Matt leads us in prayer. Many nights it’s the Rosary or Divine Mercy Chaplet, or the little litany of prayers that have slowly become our family favorites: the Guardian Angel Prayer, Hail Mary, thanking God for his blessings today, and naming all our family saints and asking for their intercession.

Christmas and Easter waffles: Every Christmas and Easter morn after Mass, we bust out our waffle maker and Matt makes waffles from his late grandfather’s recipe. When Matt was growing up, his family always went to Grandma and Grandpa’s after Sunday Mass for waffles, bacon extended family time. I hope it brings our kids happy memories of delicious breakfasts with us, even if it’s only twice a year.

Jiza, Co-Founder & Creative Director

British TV: At the end of the day after the children have gone to bed, my husband Mark and I like to decompress from the day by watching British television series. Everything from Downton Abbey, Poldark, Victoria...we have seen them all.

A brisk walk for heavy conversations: Sometimes talking about big life decisions and/or tough situations can be hard. So, taking a brisk walk or jog helps us to at least alleviate any physical tension and stress which makes for a more productive conversation. It helps us to clear our heads, get some exercise in, and sometimes a Rosary.

Taco Tuesdays: What can I say? We love everything about tacos. It is one of our favorite meals. It helps us during the week to have one dinner that doesn’t require too much planning.

Pilgrimages: Since we move often for my husband’s career, I always look for Catholic shrines or historic churches to visit during our travels.
 

Embracing the Easter Season, Even Through Struggle

STEPHANIE CALIS

I inhaled the richness of lilies and incense. A riot of color bloomed along the altar. Familiar words washed over me: prayers over humble bread and wine, taking me out of time. To my right, the image of Jesus beckoned, rays shining forth from his heart. Blood and water; the stuff of true life. As I bowed my head, tears came.

Because I wasn’t feeling much of anything. A little anxiety. But mostly nothing.

Photography: An Endless Pursuit, seen in Robyn + Greg's Easter season wedding on Divine Mercy weekend

Matt Maher’s “Christ is Risen” echoed through my thoughts on Divine Mercy Sunday: O death, where is your sting? O hell, where is your victory?

Right here, I thought. That’s where they are. I still felt that sting of death, and felt it strongly. Now halfway through this Easter season of tremendous glory and promise, I find myself, this year, lacking in joy and doubting the Father’s promises of the Resurrection. Specifically, a fear of death and a preference for this earthly life over the next have pervaded my heart for months.

Though our life is far from perfect--everyday busyness, sleepless nights with toddlers, chores we can never quite keep up with--I count myself abundantly blessed by my husband and our beautiful children, and by our relative lack of major hardship at the moment. It’s a life so precious  I’m scared to let go of it and be separated by death.

When I pray to be made holy, to reach my heavenly home, the back of my mind hastily and shamefully adds, but please not yet, Father.

Where, then, does someone who desires eternal life, but not yet--I desire it selfishly, on my own terms--find consolation in the Resurrection? In my current state, the thought of eternity cuts me to the core. It brings me not hope, but worry that all I hold close on earth will be lost to me in heaven. I wonder what I’ll miss out on, and more significantly, who I will miss out on.

Of course I’m aware, intellectually, that my soul’s fulfillment will be found in the presence of God. Theoretically, I will want for nothing at the heavenly wedding feast. But theory can be hard to wrap your head around when your heart’s so agitated. Surrendering such gifts to the Lord, trusting that they are impermanent and not mine to determine, feels...reckless. An abandonment I seek, but don’t yet feel strong enough for.

As I make my way through this spiritual storm--one in which, in spite of myself, I remain confident will end in a heart more united with Christ’s--I’ve realized the shortcomings of my thinking. I say that my circumstances, while fortunate, are imperfect. In the realest sense of the word, they’re unfinished. And that’s the point.

The Lord isn’t done working on my heart yet. He’s not done with yours, either.

If your Easter season has felt similar to mine, whether because of the stresses of engagement, a recent loss, tensions in your relationship, a literal lack of new life as it relates to your fertility, or otherwise, know I am there beside you. I’m trying daily to embrace this tension, rather than push it aside, to silence it, and miss an opportunity to be loved by the Father in this particular way. 

Just this past Sunday, I felt myself coming back to life, no small matter in these weeks centered on triumph over death. It struck me that in this year’s reading cycle, we hear Jesus’s same words on consecutive Sundays: Peace be with you.

He speaks to us first as he revisits his disciples for the first time, allowing Thomas, in Thomas’s doubt, to feel his wounds, and again after the walk to Emmaus.

We are invited to experience Christ in the flesh; incarnate. We are invited to reject fear--John describes the disciples’ fear as they hid, locked in a room, after the Resurrection and Luke recounts their terror and uncertainty at meeting the risen Jesus--and walk headlong into the ocean of peace and mercy he wishes so fiercely to surround us with.

I listened again to the Eucharistic prayers and prepared for my own encounter with Jesus’s body and blood. The altar, the surroundings, the Divine Mercy image were all the same as before. But this time I was a little different. Not yet fully delivered of my worry and my desire to cling to the things and people of this life, but on the way. My own road to Emmaus where, at the end, Christ will meet me in a breaking of bread. Self-gift and recognition.

Sorrow, even at Easter time, is alright. Give yourself permission to feel your aches fully, knowing feelings, though human and important, aren’t everything. Whether we feel it or we don't, the fact remains that we are daughters and sons of a reckless, undying love.

No matter what’s in your heart, particularly in light of your wedding and marriage, thank the Father for bringing you close to his heart. Cry out to him. The Cross signifies both agony and ecstasy. It’s so hard when all we can feel is the former, but it's not the end of the road. In whatever ways you are called to rise, you have my prayers.

Peace be with you.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Newlywed Life | 5 Tips for Long Periods of Time Apart

JIZA ZITO

When we become engaged to be married, we all dream of the day we can finally be with our spouse everyday. We look forward to less frequent long goodbyes and to more time spent together. However, due to careers or other circumstances, we may find ourselves in the challenging position spending long periods of time apart.

Perhaps you and/or your spouse are completing a degree at a graduate or medical school, or working strenuous hours in a “badge” career such as firefighting, law enforcement, EMS or first responder. Or perhaps one or both of you are serving our country’s military, working shift work at a plant, or traveling out of town for days or weeks at a time. Whatever your situation, we hope you will find the following tips helpful.

Photography: Flytographer, Seen in How He Asked | Susanna and Brad

Find a support group.

Many careers that provide unique challenges for married couples and families often have a support network available. You can find more information through a liaison or by searching online for a local group. Having a support network with others in the same job field can provide a sense of camaraderie and friendship while giving you a place to ask questions and access to specific resources. As you gain knowledge and experience, you can, in turn, help and mentor other new spouses in the future.

Become involved in a Church community.

Finding accountability and prayerful support with others who share the same faith can be a great source of encouragement. Try checking your parish bulletin or website for a Bible study or prayer group. If your schedule permits and you feel a particular call to volunteer your time and talent, look for a ministry or outreach group in which you could serve.

Enjoy a newfound hobby.

Still looking for a way to occupy your time? Make a list of projects or hobbies you would like to enjoy and accomplish during your time apart. Maybe you have a project within your home you’d like to finish, or a gift you’d like to create. Perhaps you want to take a class and learn a new skill like dance or cooking, or join a social group like hiking or a book club. Search your city newspaper or recreation catalog for local classes or events. You can also try websites like meetup.com in order to find a nearby group for your particular interest. When you reunite with your spouse, you can share your newfound interest and try it out together.

Prioritize self-care.

Long periods apart can be stressful on a marriage. It often requires emotional and mental adjustment both during and immediately after the time of separation. It’s important and helpful to maintain good hygiene, sleep, and eating habits, and to set time aside for personal leisure and exercise. Yet these days and months can be lonely and trigger feelings of depression and anxiety. If you find yourself feeling particularly low, speak with a doctor, therapist, or pastor or inquire with your support network on healthy ways to manage.

Remain close to the sacraments.

Most importantly, stay close to Christ and frequent the sacraments. Remain focused on him, and he who is always faithful will grant you and your spouse the grace to not only get through times of separation, but to thrive and grow together as well. Despite whatever hardships you both might face, he will always "equip you with everything good for doing His will.”

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About the Author: Jiza Zito is Spoken Bride's Creative Director and Co-Founder. She is the owner and wedding photographer of Olive & Cypress. Read more

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The Sophia Series | Amy

Last month, we invited our longtime married readers to share the experiences that have marked, refined, and anointed their marriages; months and years that, by grace, transform the mundane, the bitter, and the incomprehensible into the fruits of holy wisdom. A purification and a clear vision for the path to heaven that lies ahead. The Sophia Series.

It's our honor to début this series, one we hope will illuminate the realities, crosses, and joys of this married vocation for newer brides, with Amy Thomas's testimony. Married since 2001 and the founder of Catholic Pilgrim, an initiative inviting the faithful deeper into the great adventure that is life with Christ, Amy's journey to the Catholic faith has become an anchor through grief and witnesses powerfully to the life-giving love of the Lord.

Purest Light Photography

I met my husband Dustin my junior year of college. It was my first day of Air Force ROTC. When I walked in I saw him sitting across the room, every fiber of my being cried out that he was the one. He felt like home to me. In a weird but beautiful way, it was like I already knew him. I was actually engaged to another man at the time, but I knew it would never work out with him, so I broke it off. Dustin and I were friends first, both secretly interested in the other but unable to say it out loud.

We finally got together after I announced my affection for him on my 21st birthday. I may or may not have had the help of a margarita. Once we realized the mutual feelings we had for each other, we just were. We never had an official first date or anything. Because we had been friends first, we knew each other and didn't need to get to know one another. Being in a relationship with Dustin was the most natural thing in the world for me.

At the start, neither Dustin or I were practicing our faith. He is Catholic and at the time, I was Protestant, but our faith lives were stagnant at best.

We decided to live together before marriage and, consequently, I got pregnant out of wedlock.

I could write an entire blog on why it's so important to wait to live together. Thankfully, we knew beforehand that we wanted to be married, and Dustin was always very committed to me throughout my pregnancy. We are an anomaly and don't recommend this strategy to anyone. We see now the beauty of what the Church teaches.

In June of 2001 we welcomed our beautiful daughter, Rhianna. Two months later, we were married. We were young--only 22--but very much in love.

We had the struggles any newlywed couple has, but along with the added struggles of being new parents right off the bat. We really grew up in those early years of our marriage, because we never had a chance to just focus on each other.

We had a baby girl with us from the get-go, and in many, many ways, I'm thankful to God for that blessing. Our daughter really did--and still does--bring out the best in us.

We had a second daughter, Sydney, in 2005. She came early and her birth is a crazy, whirlwind story, but today she's a happy, healthy teenager. After Sydney's birth, though, my husband and I slipped into a period of selfishness. It wasn't blatant or anything, but looking back I can see it clearly.

We weren't really going to church, because we couldn't decide on which church to go to. We fought frequently about my being Protestant and my husband being Catholic. We also were not open to life. I was using contraception from the start of our marriage, but I eventually stopped because it was literally killing me. I experienced severe health problems because of the Pill. I stopped taking birth control, but we weren't knowledgeable about NFP at all.

About this time, I started seriously discerning converting to the Catholic Church.

I threw a lot of lame arguments and misconceptions at my husband about the Church during our early years and he always had an answer that shattered my previous understanding. I finally saw the beauty and truth of the Catholic faith, and in 2009, I entered the Church. It truly has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.

At this same time, I became pregnant. It is terribly sad for me to say, but I wasn't happy about it. I had become very selfish and since my kids were getting older, I enjoyed a lot of "me" time. I didn't want to hassle with diaper bags, nursing, and car seats again. It pains me to say that I was not being the best version of myself. I wasn't being a good mother either, because I was so focused on myself. Eventually, I warmed to the life growing inside me and became excited to welcome this new little soul. Sadly, however, we lost that baby to miscarriage. It was crushing.

For the next four years, we experienced eight miscarriages. Each one was like a slash through my heart. No doctor would test me, and we had no clue as to why I was losing so many babies. My husband and I were utterly devastated. It got to the point, for me, that when I would get pregnant, I would fall into despair, knowing where it would lead.

I was very angry with God and couldn’t understand why He would put us through such suffering.

After my husband came back from a deployment in 2012, we talked about whether we wanted to try again for a baby. We both knew if we tried, we needed to approach it differently--we needed to bring God into the decision and pray.

So, in 2013, we tried again. This time when I took the test and saw two pink lines, I smiled. I ran to my husband and we hugged. It was a good feeling. We soon welcomed our son, Jeremiah.

My husband and I both know Mary was a great intercessor for us. We've experienced two miscarriages after Jeremiah, so we have 10 saints in heaven. I look forward to meeting them someday, and I know they keep a careful watch on their momma. I love them dearly; even though I have never met them, they have blessed me in ways I could never have imagined.

Each one of these children helped strip selfishness from my soul.

They help me to be a better mom to my earthly kids and for that, I am grateful.

This experience was definitely a trial in our marriage, but I think Dustin and I both learned our suffering can purge us of weaknesses and bad behaviors and attitudes. We know now to always bring God into our pain.

In fact, we know that you just don't do married life well without him. In our 16 years of marriage we've dealt with 10 miscarriages, a suicide by a family member, the divorce of my parents, and other crosses along the way. Dustin is my partner, and he is who I want holding my hand through the trials of this life. I want to be there for him, too.

My sister-in-law once told me that marriage is about learning to love well. I think that's true. If we commit ourselves to our spouse and strive to love him well, no matter what life throws at us we can weather it together and come out even better on the other side of the storm.

Amy's words of wisdom for brides:

Always actively look for ways you can grow and become a better wife. So often we focus on what our spouse needs to fix about himself that we never look at what we need to change.

Date your spouse. When kids come, you have to get creative, but it can be done. You and your husband need time to connect and enjoy each other without focusing on babies, bills, and burdens.

With men, just ask them. We ladies often want men to do things how we would do things. We want them to see the mess or anticipate what needs to be done. Most men just don't operate that way, yet most will be quick to help if you simply ask nicely.

No matter where you've been and where you are in your vocation, know of our prayers for you and your marriage. Feeling called to share your own story? Submit your Sophia Series testimony here.

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About the author: Amy Thomas hails from the great state of Kansas, though she's lived the last 15 years away from the “Land of Oz” traveling the country with with her Air Force Airman. She graduated from Kansas State University in 2001 and married her love, Dustin, that same year. She has three amazing kiddos–two daughters and a son. Amy runs the website Catholic Pilgrim and loves to write about the incredible journey of living a genuine, authentic Catholic life. 

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Behold, You Are Beautiful.

JENNY JAMES

This piece is the second in a two-part series on fitness and self-image. Jenny James and her neighbor, Emily Kelch, are the founders of SoulStrength Sisters, a women's fitness ministry that prioritizes community, feminine strength, and the wholeness of who women are created to be. Read Emily's reflection here.

Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. - Song of Songs 2:13-14

Photography: Anne Molnar Photography, seen in Katherine + Dominic's Fourth of July wedding

How did I know my husband was the one? He was deeply interested in me--not in a falsely flattering way, but in a way that was drawing out the good in me. He sought me where I didn’t know that I was: curled up in a ball, in a cleft of a cliff, walling off the best parts of me in order to protect my heart.

Under his gaze, I opened like a bud in spring. Tentatively at first, but in the warmth of his love, I blossomed into the real me. Over the past eight  years, he has loved me as I’ve struggled with body image and doubts about my worth. No matter how many times my husband affirmed, “You look great! You’re beautiful!” I didn’t believe him.  

God loves beauty. He created beauty. He is beautiful.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look beautiful, healthy and strong. Our bodies are his temple, and he wants us to take care of them in the best way we can.

What is wrong is putting my worth into a distorted view of what I think beauty should look like in me. What is wrong is wanting to change the temple he gave me into something it is not, or into someone who I am not.

Slowly, with much prayer and effort, the Lord has given me the wisdom and discipline to eat healthier and become more consistent in my workouts. He’s even graced me with a love for weight training. But the bigger lesson is still being drawn out of me.

As my Savior calls to me, “arise my love, my beautiful one, let me see your face,” He beckons me away from my walled-off hole in the cliff where I self-analyze, tear down and obsess. He wants to see my face just the way I am.

If I turn my gaze to him, I will stop thinking so much about me, me, me.

I still have a long way to go. There are times--like tonight--when it’s that time of the month, I’ve had one too many dark chocolate pieces, and I hide myself from my husband while changing clothes before bed. What is this? I’ve crawled back behind my walls, hiding in that most miserable kind of pride: the pride of sensitivity that masks itself as humility.  

I can’t force these thoughts and feelings to go away. Through prayer, though, the Lord is changing me. He reminds me of my worth as his beloved. And gently, most gently, he takes my face in his hands, turning my thoughts away from me and towards him and others whom he wants me to love.  

If you haven’t read Song of Songs in awhile, go back and revisit it. Imagine you are the bride and Jesus the bridegroom. Then hear, a thousand times over, Jesus saying to you: Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful.

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About the Author: Daughter of the King, wife to the strongest, most loyal man, mama to three blossoming littles, Jenny left a "real" job at a solid company after (finally) recognizing God calling her to be wife and mother first. After struggling for years with fluctuating weight, Jenny found stability and consistency in weight training. When her dear friend Emily asked her to start a fitness coaching business with her, she jumped at the chance to teach other women about the beauty and success of weight training.  Along with Emily, Jenny is the co-creator of SoulStrength Sisters.

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Holy Week Traditions for Couples

Creating your own traditions as a couple with each new liturgical season is a great blessing of growing a shared life in Christ. As the Lenten season draws to a close and we prepare to enter the most solemn, silent week of the year, consider adding spiritual and sensory reminders to your routine that invite deeper contemplation of Christ’s Passion and death and encourage a sense of ritual and closeness between you, your beloved, and your loved ones.

Here, our suggestions for a meaningful Holy Week and Easter Triduum.

Photography: Kelly Ginn Photography, seen in Sally + Matthew's engagement

Throughout Holy Week

Pray together as you designate a spot in your home for palms.

If you haven’t already done so on the fifth Sunday of Lent, take time this week to cover any crucifixes, religious art, or statues in your home. Broadcloth, in purple or another somber color, is an affordable option from fabric stores. Like any bride, the Church veils what is good and beautiful for the purpose of reserving that beauty for the proper occasion--in this case, the fullness of life made new on Easter Sunday.

Choose one of the Gospels, and read a portion of it each night.

Employ an extra penance you and your fiancé or spouse can both take part in this week, such as no meat, no TV or media, or a fast from unnecessary spending.

Plan to attend a Tenebrae service in your diocese.

Holy Thursday

Attend your dicoese’s Chrism Mass, wherein the holy oils used in the sacraments throughout the year are blessed by a bishop. This Mass reminds the faithful of Christ’s great gifts to us of the sacraments, and its beautiful cathedral setting invites reverence and worship.

Pray a Holy Hour together after the Mass of the Lord’s Supper, before the Blessed Sacrament if your church offers it. If time and geography allow, consider partaking in the tradition of the Seven Churches Visitation, essentially a pilgrimage of Eucharistic Adoration in various locations.

Good Friday

Starting today, begin the Divine Mercy novena.

Following Stations of the Cross and the Good Friday service, cook a simple dinner together.

Spend a portion of the day together in silence.

Holy Saturday

If your family makes a big Easter feast, consider assisting with cooking and preparations. Get to know your beloved’s family stories and recipes.

Pray for your marriage--or future marriage--in a particular way. Holy Saturday speaks to so many instances of waiting, from the anticipation of your wedding day to a longing for answered prayers in work and family-related matters.

For all of this coming week, in fact, enter into the waiting, this sense of bated breath. Allow yourselves to sit with your longings. Entrust them to the Lord, knowing he desires nothing hidden from us, that he loves just as we are in our brokenness, and that he rejoices in our vulnerability. His love restores. Know of our prayers for you as we prepare for the joy of the Resurrection, and don’t hesitate to contact us with specific intentions we can share with you and unite to the Cross.

Longtime Married Readers, We Want to Hear from You! Introducing The Sophia Series.

Sophia is the Greek word for “wisdom.” With marriage comes an unveiling: emotional, physical, spiritual. The raw of who we are. And in that vulnerability, we are given the grace of a holy wisdom, born of experience and time. We invite you to share yours.

Sisterhood, community, and honest dialogue have become cornerstones of the Spoken Bride community, with all thanks to the Father and to your authenticity and sincerity. In that spirit of honesty, we know that behind every picture-perfect wedding photo is an imperfect bride and groom, striving always to live out free, faithful, fruitful, and total love. The Sophia Series will feature testimonies from longtime married women (five years or more) who have endured the fire of purification in their married life and emerged transcendent.

Maybe your purification has involved conversion to the Catholic faith, infertility, loss, addiction, or illness. Maybe your relationship has been tested by your own weaknesses or by others’ involvement. Here is a place for giving voice to the redemption of these trials. Our goal is that this series feels like sitting down with a friend, sharing in truthful, humble conversation and ultimately affirming the reality and goodness of Catholic marriage.

There is no Resurrection without the Crucifixion. The path to heaven comes only by way of Calvary. Yet there is never a doubt that suffering has meaning and purpose; that the Father never leaves our side and that through every cross, grace abounds. We hope you’ll trust us with your experiences and we pray your witness bears fruit for other brides--women who, like you, are on a lifetime pilgrimage in this vocation of marriage.

Feeling called to share your story of triumph from hardship? Submit your Sophia Series submission below.

Submissions are continually accepted and considered.

Lent, From Victim to Hero

SARAH SABO

I sit, next to a tax document I was almost too lazy to search for and print out--in a business center of my apartment. It is quiet, and the task utilitarian enough, to make me ponder the big questions. That’s what quirky people like me do when confronted with drab walls, clacking keys, and low toner beeps. They try to think deep thoughts.

Sadly, I haven’t whipped up a beautiful poem from these deep thoughts, but I have had a recent epiphany about my marriage,and, I daresay, marriage in general.

It is the season of Lent and my life reflects that  right now. With so much in my life to feel thankful for, I feel insecure about voicing my struggles, fearing that I present myself to the world as whining wimp with a bunch of first world problems. I struggled with what to give up for Lent this year. I do love me some chocolate, but honestly, I have pretty good willpower and after having my third baby, some extra weight loss wouldn’t exactly be penance.

Eventually I decided to give up my victim tendencies--that is, my habit of feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in hopelessness when circumstances don’t go according to my ideal--for these 40 days. It has been the most liberating thing I could have done for myself and my marriage; it has truly brought me closer to God.

Let me set the scene: a frazzled mother of three waits on pins and needles for her knight in shining armor to get home. Normally, I most anticipate seeing my husband at the end of the day because I need the help. I need more hands! Someone hit someone. What the heck is in the baby’s mouth? The kids ate their vegetable and protein, but I forgot to make a starch. I really should read them a book.

The inner mistakes and guilt trips prevail, putting me in such a state of confusion, irritation, and desperation that I decide to jump down my husband’s throat when he arrives  home twenty minutes later than he planned. My reaction of the cold shoulder and wounded heroine routine feels both obvious and justified as I imagine him out doing things like enjoying a novel and latte at a ski lodge. Oh, wait a second. I recall that in reality, he spends his days busting his butt at work and finishing up his dissertation, all the while being a present and loving husband and father.

So I decided for Lent, I’d slay that tiny, whining, victimized dragon--the scaly, ugly monster who whispers, He just doesn’t care. I bet he was late because he was yukking it up with his coworkers. Does he even know how many disasters have happened today? To my surprise, silencing these thoughts has been easier than I anticipated.

 Simply knowing and believing that the man I married is trying his best, and holding myself accountable to do the same, has freed me from tendencies to blame and wallow. If you’ve ever felt the same mentality as mine creeping in, strive to stop worrying about what is fair and what he should do for you because you already did x and y for him. Give like there isn’t a bottom of the barrel. Love like a hero who doesn’t need rescuing!

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About the Author: Sarah Sliviak Sabo is a mother of three beautiful girls pretending her tiny, overpriced apartment is a log cabin. Most of the time it works. She is the owner of Be Not Afraid Learning LLC, a tutoring business.

Editors' Picks | Vol. 10: Beauty Favorites

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

When held in the proper perspective, makeup, hair, skin, and nail products are a fun part of femininity that can enhance, rather than be the source of, your self-worth. Today we’re sharing our favorite beauty products, for both wedding events and for everyday.

Photography: Meaghan Clare Photography, seen in our DIY Bridal Makeup Video

Andi, Business Director

Trader Joe’s Face Mask Trio: Available every holiday season until it’s gone, my favorite mask of this trio is the exfoliating pineapple one.

Buxom Full-On Lip Cream in Mudslide: This is my everyday shade of lip gloss. One tube lasts me almost a full year, and the shade is neutral with just a hint of shimmer.

Bobbi Brown Blush in Nectar: Blush is the one beauty item I use almost every day. It helps break up the tans and browns in my complexion and hair color with a tiny pop of pink, and I find I’m a little perkier when I apply it. This shade works on a variety of skin tones and doesn’t look like a fake shade of pink.

OPI Nail Polish: I tend to go with extremes with nail polish, my current favorite being white for my toes, especially in summer. Come fall and winter, I love navy blue or black. I find OPI has the longest wear, and I don’t have use as many coats for full opacity.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

ACURE Organics Brilliantly Brightening Facial Scrub: It’s important to take care of your skin daily, especially as your body undergoes the stress that comes before your wedding day. A good skincare routine not only keeps your skin healthy before the big day, but allows you to get into the everyday habit of simple self-care. Pair a facial scrub with your daily cleanser and moisturizer 2-3 times a week, and it will help deep clean the pores of your skin. I love ACURE’s mission with their plant-based products. Not to mention, this scrub makes me think of the beach every time I use it!

YETI The Rambler 30 oz. Tumbler: A water bottle or tumbler isn’t a “beauty product,” per se. However, keeping your body hydrated is important when it comes to beauty. Bring a reusable vessel with you to work, school, vendor appointments, and marriage prep classes; by drinking at least 6-8 glasses of water a day, you help keep both your hair and skin looking and feeling healthy. I love a good stainless steel tumbler (easy to clean, easy for travel, and hard to damage), and the YETI now comes in pretty colors like pink and seafoam!

Honest Beauty Truly Kissable Lip Crayon: I am picky when it comes to my lip products and the way they feel on my lips. I like a nice color, but I don’t like anything too dry or sticky. I love this lip crayon by Honest Beauty, the new line by Jessica Alba and the Honest Company). Their antioxidant blend of jojoba seed oil, murumuru butter, and shea butter is so moisturizing and soothing on my lips, I wear it almost every day. This demi-matte lip crayons include a range of perfect colors for women going for a soft,  more natural bridal look!

Klorane Dry Shampoo with Oat Milk: For easier styling purposes, a lot of brides won’t wash their hair a day or two before their weddings. If this is your plan, but you don’t want your hair to get too oily or dirty in the meantime, dry shampoo helps keep it clean while also creating good texture and some volume for styling. I absolutely love Klorane’s dry shampoo! With oats organically harvested in southwest France, this dry shampoo gently cleanses my hair without weighing it down in residue.

Stephanie, Editor in Chief + Co-Founder

TruSkin Naturals Vitamin C Serum: After a ferocious battle with cystic acne a few years back (so painful inside and out), I now prioritize skincare in my beauty routine and try to keep my complexion clear enough to go foundation-free. Vitamin C is known for its ability to even skin tone and, when paired with SPF, its benefits of extra protection from sun damage. When researching options, I learned Vitamin C is considered most effective in concentrations of 20% or more; some luxury brands don’t meet that standard, but this no-frills serum does. It’s significantly lightened my old acne scars and noticeably smoothed and brightened my skin. When I do wear foundation, I use the original Bare Minerals formula for how natural it looks and for the fact that it lets my freckles show through.

Sally Hansen Diamond Flash Topcoat: Like Andi, I love dark nail colors. Chips drive me particularly crazy with them, though, because they’re so much more visible than when I wear paler shades. This topcoat takes care of things and could last you from your rehearsal dinner all the way through the first few days of your honeymoon. It’s thick and shiny like a gel, dries nails to the touch in 60 seconds, and helps my manicures endure almost a week with minimal chipping.

Flower Beauty Glisten Up Highlighter: I love the look of fresh, glowy skin. I’ve tried a few other highlighter products, but too often, “glowy” translated to “sparkly,” which just isn’t my preference. This stick version truly lives up to its name, imparting a pretty, glistening effect that doesn’t glitter, but beautifully enhances the radiance you already possess. For your wedding day look, a subtle highlighter like this would look lovely not just on your face, but on the collarbones or shoulders, as well.

L’Oreal Double Extend Mascara: Featuring a primer on one end of the tube and color on the other, I’ll be forever loyal to this two-step mascara that provides significant volume, doesn’t smudge thanks to “tube” technology that wraps around lashes instead of adhering to them, and rinses off with warm water; no remover required. While it’s true that tears are technically warm water--hello, wedding emotions--my secret is to avoid rubbing at my eyes when I get weepy, and the product stays put.

We love chatting with you about favorite things like these cosmetic items. Chime in with your favorites in the comments and on our social media! If you're planning on doing your own bridal makeup for your big day, don't miss our video tutorial with professional makeup artist Nicole Caruso.

Newlywed Life | 4 Ways to Have a Prayerful Honeymoon

STEPHANIE CALIS

The morning following our wedding, my husband and I went to Sunday Mass, ate breakfast at a diner where we were given a free piece of pie, and spent the next eight hours in the car en route to Wilmington, North Carolina. We spent the next week exploring the gardens, downtown, and beaches of this beautiful seaside town. Its small-city feel, with its mix of opportunities for culture and relaxation, suited us perfectly. Simplicity.

Before marriage, I’d listened with awe to my friends’ stories of running through the streets of Rome in wedding attire, eager to get a good spot in the sposi novelli section of the Pope’s weekly audience. Their trips sounded amazing, yet I knew that immediately following our wedding, time and budget constraints would mean a Roman honeymoon just wasn’t a possibility for us. I felt at peace with this fact and, moreover, was excited for a slower-paced trip that I knew suited our temperaments.

Even in the absence of international travel and a papal blessing, though, my husband and I talked about maintaining a disposition to prayer on our first-ever trip together. If you and your spouse-to-be are among those graced with the opportunity for a honeymoon in Rome, it will surely bear fruit in your new marriage. Yet it would be a misperception to believe Rome and the Vatican are the only locations where you can enjoy your first days as husband and wife in a deeply spiritual way.

If your honeymoon plans are stateside or if you’ve chosen another country or type of trip for your getaway, know that your choice is an equally worthy one and that it’s possible to have a prayerful, intentional honeymoon no matter where in the world you and your beloved are.

Here, our recommendations for bathing your honeymoon in a spirit of prayer.

Chase the Eucharist.

Commit to daily Mass, or even a daily holy hour, for the duration of your honeymoon. Depending on your destination, you might make one parish your home base, or prefer to explore different churches in the area. The Mass Times app is a valuable tool for finding Masses and Adoration, even internationally, and might surprise you with new--or old favorite--saints to whom you can pray in a particular way. The parish my husband and I frequented during our time in Wilmington was named for Saint Therese, whose intercession played a major role in our relationship. Coincidence?

Read a spiritual book together.

Diving into new-to-you reading during this sacred time, like Elise and her husband did, offers not only material for contemplation, but an experience to remember your trip by and refer back to in the future. See recommendations from us and some of our brides here.

Develop a prayer routine.

Newlywed life, particularly on your honeymoon, offers significantly more time together than you’ve had in the past, including time for prayer first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. Use these first days of your marriage to expand upon the prayer rituals you employed while dating and engaged, or create a routine for the first time. Rest, however, in the fact that there’s no pressure to have everything figured out by the time you head home. Developing a spiritual intimacy takes time, and the Church offers such depth and richness of options that suit you and your spouse, ranging from rote prayers and devotions, spontaneous prayer, lectio divina, music, and the Divine Office.

Consider a mission statement for your marriage.

This might sound official, but it doesn’t have to be! Men and women called to marriage are tasked with the mission of bearing Christ’s love to the world through their love for each other and, God willing, for their children. Taking time to converse about your hopes for your life together and ways you’ll live out your particular call to marriage can act as a touchstone for your vocation: principles to live by, words to turn to during dry or difficult seasons, and a succinct reminder of your path to heaven. A mission statement for your marriage puts into words the universal truth of the married vocation, in a way specific to you and your beloved. You might write your own statement, or you might turn to a particular word that arises in your hearts or a quote from Scripture or a saint.

I have to admit that my husband and I have never officially done this ourselves, but over time, there have been two quotes we’ve consistently turned to that express our relationship; ones that encapsulate the standards we strive to hold ourselves to in our marriage. One is “freedom exists for the sake of love,” from the old translation of Saint John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility, and the other is Saint Teresa of Calcutta’s exhortation that each of us “be the one” to quench the thirst of Jesus on the Cross, in the form of daily acts of love and prayer.

We love hearing about your own journeys and the ways, small and large, you enrich your spiritual life with your spouse. If there are practices that helped you look to Christ on your own honeymoon, be sure to share them in the comments and on our social media.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Into the Desert: A Conversation About the Exodus 90 Men's Program

Freedom resides in a particular realization about sacrifice: it’s the recognition that when dying to self is painful, it doesn’t mean our sacrifice isn’t working. It means that it is.

Photography: Sarah Ascanio, seen in Natasha + Tim's engagement

Inspired by God’s people being led to freedom in Scripture, Exodus 90 is a 90-day program created to call Catholic men out of slavery and into freedom; out of themselves and into the heart of God. Founded on principles of fraternity, prayer, and asceticism, the program intends to cultivate habits that sanctify men, equipping them to better serve the Lord as they live out their vocations.

We recently chatted with James Baxter, Executive Director of Exodus 90 and Those Catholic Men. The program is particularly recommended for men preparing to enter into their vocations, and we hope you’ll share it with your fiancé; additionally, many men find it meaningful to begin or end the program on a liturgically significant day. Those who embark on Exodus 90 beginning next week, on February 19, will conclude the program on Pentecost and, God willing, witness the fruits of the Holy Spirit in abundance. Read on for James’ thoughts on spiritual exercises, chastity, and freedom, along with his advice for the brides supporting their men in the pursuit of heroic virtue.

The Exodus 90 program includes, among other resources, daily Scripture verses from the Book of Exodus. Can you tell us more about the significance of this book to the intentions of the program?

The singular goal of Exodus 90 is freedom. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, but we drift away from it over time, often quite unknowingly. I know that freedom is a cultural buzzword, and thrown around to justify everything from sexual exploits to abortion.

But the hard fact is that we need to reclaim our definition of freedom. That's because the Church places a heavy emphasis upon it, especially in our sacramental rites--including marriage. Freedom is the condition, the foundation, the soil out of which love grows. When we're not free, we cannot bear the fruit of love. And in a particular way, when men are not free, it's wives and children that suffer the most. That's why we're entirely committed to freeing Catholic men with Exodus 90.

The Church tells us the gift of our sexuality is meant to be lived in freedom. In turn, Exodus 90 emphasizes the virtue of chastity. What practical tips can you offer engaged and married couples for developing and living out this virtue?

I'm engaged to an exceptionally good woman, whom I also find the most beautiful woman in the cosmos. Her name is Colleen, and we'll be married on June 16, 2018. Chastity in marriage preparation is a reality that's close to my experience right now. Here are my recommendations regarding chastity:

First, start today. All virtues are dispositions, or habits, toward the good. It takes time and experience, and failing and trying again to possess them. Your behavior yesterday affects who you are today. So, start again now. Identify your triggers, take control of your glances, use your screens only for work or school. This will make the chastity of your future, married selves much easier.

Second, express physical affection within the scope of proper discernment. Being appropriately physical tempers the passions--at least that's been my honest experience over the past few years.

Lastly, tell the truth. Ever since the fall, we have the tendency to avoid God, deceive ourselves, and blame others when it comes to sin. The Catechism teaches us that the relationship of man and woman gets to the heart of the human condition, and in that process, the experience of our fallen nature is painfully acute. You're going to mess up. But when you do, just speak the truth. Make your confessions to your loved one and the Church, and move forward. Don't let the darkness become something that divides you. God has a marvelous way of turning our brokenness into the very source of our attractiveness; he’s been in that business for a very long time. And no one is above or below that mercy.

Purification of the body, mind, and soul can be painful. What advice can you offer those struggling with the pain of purification?

My advice here is somewhat direct, but I hope that the sincerity is clear. What if we just accepted that purification is painful, and it is so because we are fallen and life is complicated? If we do not first accept that profound purification and self-denial are needed in each of us, it’s difficult to understand in the proper context that God wants to fulfill the desires of our hearts. Otherwise, it's hard to differentiate our faith from that of the prosperity Gospel, or the idea that God just gives us whatever we want, when we want it, and how we want it. The purification of the self is painful but it is also deeply meaningful when it bears the fruit of freedom, as we've seen so many times through Exodus 90. Because then we can love. And that’s what life is about.

This journey of purification and growth in holiness can be as hard on loved ones as on the individual undergoing it. Can you share some concrete ways women can support their fiancés or husbands in programs like Exodus, and can hold themselves accountable to growth and self-denial, as well?

The program’s tenets of fraternity, asceticism, and prayer can benefit both individuals in a relationship during this journey. For fraternity, I’d tell women it's essential that your man is accountable to other men. Though that means at times he is away from you and the home, it will be worth it in the long run. So, encourage your man to find a fraternity or to be proactive and form one. I’d encourage you to do likewise with a group of women that raise you up.

For asceticism, a big part of what makes Exodus 90 so hard is the constant self-denial. And we ask that men don’t modify the regimen to them, but bend themselves to it. Self-denial will be easier if a man’s fiancé or wife is also denying herself in her own ways. There is a beautiful camaraderie that can happen when both are engaged in actively saying no to things they would otherwise have. And here’s the secret: this has frequently meant that husbands and wives are communicating way more! What woman doesn’t want that? By the end, wives and kids like the man at the end way better. But a lot of no’s have to happen before this yes emerges.

For prayer, Colleen and I have experienced that praying as a couple is hard, especially amidst the hustle and obligations of young lay life. At our latest marriage prep session, our priest, Fr. Andrew, told us the story of the holiest couple he had ever met. After years of admiring them from a distance, the priest finally asked: "How do you do it? How are you two so holy?" The husband responded, "We pray together every day." Fr. Andrew was delighted by this answer and asked him further, "What's the secret prayer? I'll tell all my couples!" The husband smiled and said, "Right before bed, we grab each other's hands, and say the Our Father. That's it." That's it. Colleen and I are trying to do this more before we go our separate ways each evening.

The program began as a way to help men combat addictions and distractions in a particular way, though any man can participate. In your opinion, how can a couple discern when an addiction is debilitating enough to require more than spiritual help alone, and what resources can they turn to?

If the question is at all there, you would do yourself some good by accepting that it’s there. There’s a reason you’re wondering, and acceptance is the way to freedom in the future. For resources related to pornography addiction, check out Integrity Restored and watch some videos with Matt Fradd and Dr. Peter Kleponis, who are experts in this field. Matt Fradd just released a great book called The Porn Myth: Exposing the Reality behind the Fantasy of Pornography. And Dr. Kleponis frequently writes on the topic at Those Catholic Men.

Exodus 90 is a step toward recovery for those in the throes of an addiction, and if you need help of a psychological nature, it can be a great resource and supplement to therapy. We actually get calls from therapists about using Exodus 90 clinically. I will say, we have had men break decades of addiction through the experience, but again, we are not therapists and this isn't a porn-recovery program as such. All we have done is re-present the spirituality of the Desert Fathers for contemporary men, and that's why this is working and spreading so rapidly. Prayer, asceticism and brotherhood leads to freedom.

In three sentences, what are the top three pieces of advice you'd share with engaged and married Catholic men?

Put your phone in a box under your bed, and spend undistracted time with your fiancé or wife. Read more books this year than you did last year. I’m reading Dr. Jordan Peterson's new book 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, and it’s been captivating. Whatever work you do, strive to be the best at it without losing your soul; excellence glorifies the Father, inspires evangelization in the workplace, and bestows meaning.

Men interested in pursuing Exodus 90 can learn more and sign up for the program here.

Images by Sarah Ascanio Photography.

Lenten Promises for Couples

January 28 of this year marked the start of Septuagesima in the Latin liturgical calendar, or the period of official preparation for Lent. Whether you and your beloved celebrate the Latin, Novus Ordo, or other Rite of the Church, these weeks before Ash Wednesday invite contemplation of how you plan to enter into Lent.

For the engaged and married couples, these forthcoming 40 days present a distinctive opportunity to unite your spiritualities as one through prayer, sacrifice, and self-gift. Here, fifteen Lenten promises you can choose as a couple:

Prayer

Commit to a daily Rosary, praying only the Sorrowful Mysteries. Meditate on the profound nuptial significance of Jesus’ Passion and Crucifixion--consider this Theology of the Body-inspired prayer book for inspiration.

Attend weekly Stations of the Cross at your parish, followed by an at-home date night of cooking a simple meal together.

Alone or with friends, set aside a weekly evening of playing and praying with Praise and Worship music on instruments.

Set a standing weekly date for a holy hour before the Blessed Sacrament. If you’re married, consider scheduling your prayer time for late night or early morning.

Choose a spiritual book to read together. You might choose the Diary of St. Faustina, to read in time for Divine Mercy Sunday after Easter, this six-week devotional for couples, or these selections that invite a fresh look at your prayer life.

Fasting

If TV is part of your nightly routine, make a promise to pray together before beginning your leisure time. Consider limiting your watching to one episode per night, rather than binge-watching.

Cultivate presence: with the exception of necessary, time-sensitive communications, keep your phones away when you’re spending time together.

Work out together. This program, created by and for Catholics, combines exercise with prayer and includes a workout employing the Stations of the Cross.

If you’re engaged and your schedule allows, fast from non-time-sensitive wedding planning: avoid browsing for material goods (décor, apparel, and/or registry items) and take a break from reading wedding blogs and magazines. Focus, instead, on developing your spiritual disposition toward the sacrament of marriage.

For women, abstain from wearing makeup. Meditate on your feminine genius and on concrete ways to appreciate your authentic beauty.

Almsgiving

Mother Teresa made a private vow to Jesus that she, as his bride, would refuse him nothing. In the small--and perhaps larger--dimensions of your own daily life, make an effort to willingly, open-heartedly say yes to your beloved’s requests and needs.

For married couples, do your spouse’s least favorite household chore for him or her.

Make a donation to a charity or ministry close to your hearts.

Join, or even start, a ministry in your parish or community. Consider leading a Scripture study or young adult group, participating in pro-life activism, or taking part in your church’s choir or liturgical ministries.

For each day of Lent, make a phone call or send a text or letter to an individual involved in your wedding: family members, bridesmaids, groomsmen, clergy, and other guests.

In this season, we enter the desert. We thirst; we are tempted; we cry out. In these times of desolation, embrace the tension between sacrifice and desire, earth and heaven, knowing from the love of your fiancé or spouse and from the Father, there flows endless mercy and grace, cherishing you just as you are and calling you on to greatness.

Forever: An Interview with Jackie and Bobby Angel

No matter where you are in your dating life, engagement, or marriage, and no matter where you are in your spiritual life, the Father deeply desires to pour out his love over his sons and daughters; to know and be known by them in a singular, specific way. In every vocation, we hear the song of his love for us.

We had the privilege of a conversation with Bobby Angel and Jackie Francois Angel, husband and wife authors of the recently released Forever: A Catholic Devotional for Your Marriage. Forever features six weeks' worth of daily reflections and questions for couples to read together (Lent could be an ideal time to dive in with your beloved), with the intention of drawing them nearer to the Father and illuminating the truths of the human heart that ring eternal, even in a culture of constantly changing attitudes and wedding trends. 

Read on for the Angels' take on these topics of learning to love a singular, specific person in your spouse, our longing to be known, Saint John Paul II's Theology of the Body, and their advice for engagement and marriage. 

Sabree Hill Photography

Who did you write this book for? Is it just for married couples, or would others benefit from it as well?

We wrote this book for everyone! While specifically targeted to those already married, we wanted it to be accessible for people who are dating, engaged, newly married or married for 20 years, as well as any single person who wants to consume more content on the Theology of the Body and maybe learn some tidbits about marriage. Our hope is that this book could help people in all different stages of the journey, from an engaged couple getting married in the Catholic Church and getting reacquainted with the faith, to even those couples married for a long time who have studied Theology of the Body and are glad to have a resource that allows them to pray together nightly and learn more about their faith and each other.

You both do quite a bit of speaking and teaching to young adults around the world; what have you noticed in terms of contemporary young adults' attitudes toward and ideas about marriage? Did this play a role in how you wrote your book?

For those young adults who actually do want to get married (since so many young adults are foregoing marriage to just cohabitate), there is often this idea that marriage will solve all their problems or make that “ache” of the heart go away. We try to share that the best thing to do as a single person is to focus on being healthy--emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually--and to realize that marriage won’t make your problems (like insecurity or a habit of pornography use) go away, but rather magnify and exacerbate them.

In our book, Forever, we also try to show that God is the only one who can satisfy every desire of our hearts. Marriage is just a sign and foretaste of the Heavenly union and marriage with God in Heaven. Thus, if God is not “enough,” nothing will ever be, not even a fantastic marriage.

So, if single people can go into marriage knowing no human being, not even their spouse, is perfect like God, nor can their spouse heal or fix all their problems--like God and some therapy can--it will lay a much healthier foundation than having the previously stated notions.

Why did you choose to base your reflections on St. John Paul II's Theology of the Body?

We both experienced renewals in our faith through dynamic youth ministry programs as well as a secondary “jolt” of excitement in encountering the rich teachings of St. John Paul II. As people with very real desires and and that ever-present ache to know and be known, JPII retold our beautiful Christian faith by focusing on the call to union stamped into our physical bodies. Good news, indeed!

In an age where so much distortion and heartache comes from the misuse of our bodies, reading and learning the Theology of the Body was eye-opening and refreshing. It put to words that ache for communion and gave us a tangible way of integrating our desires, rather than merely fighting or suppressing them. It’s the Gospel re-told in a new way; it’s the antidote our fallen world needs. We both drank deeply of this vision before meeting each other, so beginning a relationship and a marriage--and now a family--with this understanding is a tremendous grace and responsibility. We feel blessed to be able to share it with the world.  

What role does prayer as a couple play in your marriage? What advice do you have for engaged couples and newlyweds on how to begin praying together?

Be patient with each other! You’ve likely spent decades praying on your own before coming together, so know that it’s a bit of a dance where you will step on each others’ toes. Communicate what you like to do together and also what you may prefer to do on your own. For example, maybe you like to do the rosary together but spiritual reading alone; or vice versa. Figure out what works for you as a couple and stick to it.  

Also, different seasons of life call for changes. If you’re blessed with children, your prayer rhythm will change. Make the most of the time you have; quality over quantity. Look at children as an opportunity of prayer (and purgation!) instead of obstacles to your prayer. 

If you could give one piece of marital advice to the brides and newlyweds reading this interview, what would it be?

Communication, communication, communication! Learn how to communicate well with God, and learn how to communicate well with your spouse. Communication with God is what prayer is, and being honest with God about your hurts, brokenness, desires allows a lot of healing and freedom.

Communication with your spouse is essential! Learning how to argue in a healthy way, learning each others’ love languages, and communicating your desires and expectations in every area of marriage (from how to raise children to who does what part of the housework to what pleases each other sexually) is essential to growing in love for one another and having a marriage that lasts “‘til death do us part.”

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Jackie Francois Angel and Bobby Angel live in Orange County, CA. Jackie is a traveling speaker and worship leader, as well as a songwriter and recording artist with Oregon Catholic Press. Bobby is a campus minister and theology teacher at Servite High School, an all-boys' Catholic High School in Anaheim. They have traveled to speak both nationally and internationally to share their faith and present the Church's vision of life-giving love. They recently welcomed their third child. 

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Embracing Marriage as a Child of Divorce

ALEXA DONCSECZ 

St. John Chrysostom says, “the love of husband and wife is the force that welds society together.” But what if you are a child of divorce, and the love between your parents proved incapable of holding your own family together, much less society? Where, in this world of false freedom and loose commitments, can an adult child of divorce turn for strong examples of holy marriage?

Emily Jane Photography

This is a question I’ve reflected on often throughout my life. My parents divorced when I was eleven years old, and I think of that chapter as the time when my childhood ended. I’m not saying that to sound dramatic. It is simply honest. Navigating adult issues and emotions forces a child to grow up quickly, regardless of how amicable the situation might be, or how much effort adults devote to shielding their children from the aftermath.

Still, I remember feeling drawn to the idea of marriage from a young age. In high school, I had an experience that sealed my desire for marriage as something stronger and more deeply rooted than all my other aspirations.

It happened in my junior year Theology class. A guest speaker shared his testimony of how chastity had been a key part of his relationship with his fiancée. I listened to him describe how purity had helped him and his future bride center their relationship on God, giving them a strong foundation for a marriage built to last, and I remember thinking, That’s what I want.

It might seem like a small moment, but most pivotal moments do seem small at the time. Either way, I know now that this young man and his humble reflection provided me with the first tangible example of what I believed marriage should look like, and of what I wanted for myself when I was older.

Now, a decade removed from that day in Theology, and more than fifteen years since my parents’ divorce, I am engaged and preparing for my own marriage this year. As you can imagine, I’ve done a great deal of introspection on my ideas about marriage and where they came from, what it means to be a wife and eventually a mother, and what is to be expected in my relationship with my husband.

I have also required a fair amount of healing. My journey toward the altar has brought to light wounds I never even knew I had from navigating divorce. With that, I would like to share five things that have helped me prepare for marriage as an adult child of divorce.

A greater appreciation for the permanence of marriage

Any hardship can produce either bitterness or improvement. History can either repeat itself, or it can spark a change for the better.

While we should all ideally be able to rest in the peace that marital love--whether our own or our parents’--is permanent and unconditional, divorce provided me a constant reminder that marriage requires work to remain healthy and thriving.

I know many whose parents are still married, and those individuals also have a tremendous appreciation for marriage and its permanence. I would in no way imply that children of divorce are more likely to value that aspect of marriage than their peers from intact families. I can definitely say, however, that for me personally, encountering divorce as a child forced me to evaluate marriage early on and decide what it meant to me, and what I would want if I got married one day.

For me, that extra element of reflection and intentionality made a huge difference in certain decisions I made as I got older, like striving for chastity and choosing to make faith a key component of my romantic relationships. Strewn throughout my dating life were subtle habits and tendencies--mostly faith centered--that I believed would help “divorce-proof” my future marriage, because that security was extremely important to me.

Trusting in the grace of the sacrament

It’s often said God will not give us more than what he knows we can handle. As Catholics, we believe when we receive the sacrament of Holy Matrimony, we gain special graces that will help us fully live out our vocation to married life.

Coming from a broken home, it was no secret to me that marriage brings obstacles and challenges, many of which test the bond of commitment between husband and wife. As I grew older and reflected on the struggles that led to the breakdown of my household, it wasn’t unusual for me to become discouraged by doubt. I wondered how couples overcome trials or simply recovered from arguments, and wondered whether a lasting marriage is an unrealistic expectation in the world we live in.

This is where understanding grace played a significant role for me.

When a couple receives the sacrament of marriage, they likewise receive all the graces necessary to help them fulfill their vocation: as spouses to each other, as parents to their children, and living out the universal call to holiness in their individual lives--ultimately gaining eternal salvation. Of course, this doesn't mean marriage will be easy, or that doing what is required of us always feels good or provides immediate fulfillment.

But it does mean we have all the tools we need to live out our marriage in accord with God’s plan and be sanctified by it, because we have the unyielding support of sacramental grace.

The sacramental aspect of marriage acknowledges God’s indispensable role in the relationship between husband and wife, a reminder that marriage is not something we do alone. In order to be successful, we need to constantly rely on God and on the graces of the sacrament, in sacrifice and in radical trust.

Making peace with the past

Throughout my dating experiences, especially as I became more serious about marriage and became engaged, it was important for me to make peace with my past. This mainly meant talking to each of my parents about what happened in their marriage that led to the divorce. Not only did these conversations help me piece together a narrative I would not have been able to process as a child, they also shed light on some of the issues capable of driving marriages apart.

I have been fortunate to have a strong relationship with my parents, both of whom were gentle and understanding with me over the years as I came to them with questions. Their candor allowed me the opportunity to explore our shared situation and to better my own understanding of marriage. I realize, however, that such openness is not possible in all divorce situations. In those cases, there are other ways a person can make peace with her past and find the healing necessary to move forward.

More recently, I was very fortunate to stumble upon a discussion group specifically geared toward adult children of divorce who share the Catholic faith. With this group’s support and shared insight, I've been able to revisit many questions and thoughts I’ve carried with me from various points in my journey. Several members of this group have been married for many years, and talking with them about their experiences has given me valuable insight and perspective.

Talking to good priests and mentors

Marriage preparation and sessions with a priest have been so much more than just another item to check off the wedding list. God has placed so many wonderful priests in the lives of my fiancé and I who have guided us in our spiritual journey.

I have been blessed, in particular, by two priests whom I’ve leaned on and sought out at all stages of this process. Both are wise and holy men whom I know are deeply invested in the fruitfulness of our lives and in the success of our marriage. They have guided me in spiritual direction and are always willing to discuss whatever dilemma or anxiety is on my mind. They have answered all my difficult questions and provided peace when I needed it most.

My fiancé and I are also grateful to have met many married couples through our work for the Church; couples who image what it means to embrace God’s plan for marriage. Some of them are older and several steps ahead of us, but many are our own friends and peers who are able to walk with us side-by-side, as we venture into uncharted territory together.

Priests and mentors are great resources when it comes to journeying through the spiritual life. There is truly strength in numbers. Creating a network of support around yourself and your relationship can make a huge difference in your marriage. When building a support system for your marriage, it is important to look for individuals who advocate for the unity in your relationship, and who will not take sides or create division during times of struggle.

If you are healing from a broken home as you prepare for marriage, I highly recommend finding a priest you feel comfortable talking to and allowing him to walk with you on your journey.

Looking to the Holy Family

Finally, if you ever feel at a loss for a good model of marriage and family, especially in a culture where it can be difficult to find examples of holy marriages, our Catholic faith gives us an excellent blueprint in the holy family.

When I struggle with my image of what a wife and mother should be, I find consolation in talking to Mary. When I need a reminder of what familial love looks like in God’s plan, it helps to reflect on the interactions between Mary, Joseph, and Jesus.

Overall, the challenges we experience are part of what shape us into the people we become. Our wounds can become our strengths if we invite God in and allow him to heal us. And while divorce has been a painful part of my past, I have faith that with the constant help of God and the sacraments, my marriage will be built to last.

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About the Author: Alexa is a 2013 graduate of The Catholic University of America, where she earned her B.S. in Biology with a minor in Psychology. She serves as the Assistant Director for Youth, Young Adult and Family Ministry for the Diocese of Allentown, where she has been happily employed since 2014. Alexa and her fiancé Patrick got engaged in December 2016, and are excitedly planning and preparing for a June 2018 marriage. Together they enjoy Cracker Barrel breakfasts, long walks around Barnes & Noble, and deciding which bridal expos have the best cake samples. Alexa's hobbies include writing, photography, and drinking coffee. 

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How to Pray About Your Wedding Vows Using Lectio Divina

LIZ ESCOFFERY

I think back often to my engagement, and to its many hours spent at Eucharistic Adoration. During that time, I would beg Jesus to make me into a good wife and, someday, mother.

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I didn’t know then that those many hours of prayer would carry me through the smooth and bumpy parts of married life my husband Bill and I would encounter. Five years into our marriage, a strong prayer life remains a gift and refuge in the midst of full, enjoyable--but busy--days of family life and work.  

Introducing Lectio Divina

Lectio Divina is a type of prayer I return to often. Latin for “divine reading,” it is a Benedictine form of prayer, traditionally done by reading a short passage of Holy Scripture and choosing a word, phrase, or image that stands out to you. The passage should be read several times in its entirety, once aloud if possible. Then, whomever is spending time in prayer meditates on her standout word, reads the passage again with new eyes, and engages in an exchange with God about what he wants to reveal. This prayer can be individually, as a couple, or in a small group.

We can do the same thing with any text, whether thoughtful prose or poems, song lyrics, or liturgical rites. In that spirit, I want to share with you a way to use lectio divina to meditate on the Catholic Rite of Marriage.

Below, along with the text of the Rite, I offer my own reflection questions to help you enter more deeply into this encounter. Whether you pray this on your own or in the presence of your fiancé or spouse, first take a moment to ask for the Holy Spirit to guide your time in prayer. Breathe deeply and savor the silence around you.

(Name) and (name), have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?     

Is there anything I need to surrender or let go of before entering into this Sacrament? What does it look like to make a free gift of myself to my spouse?  

Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?  

Who are some holy couples whose marriage I admire? What can I learn from their witness?

What will be the building blocks of a lifelong marriage? Is there a particular virtue I need to cultivate now that will allow me to love and honor my spouse for the rest of my life?

Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?

How do I view my fertility? Have I learned Natural Family Planning and been diligent in trying to understand the Church’s teachings on the dignity and purpose of sex in marriage?

Have I considered the possibility of infertility? Of an unplanned pregnancy? How would I love my spouse through these situations?   

Which dimensions of my sexuality need the Lord’s healing touch (Consider spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative, communicative, emotional)? Is there a dimension we are very strong in already? Is there one we need to grow in as a couple?  

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband. I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.

Where am I spiritually  with this vow: does it make me nervous? Excited? Does it seem like it will be difficult? What fears or anxieties do I have in committing myself to this purpose?

Depending on your wedding liturgy plans,  additional text for your prayer time can be found in the language of the wedding Mass, wedding outside of Mass for two baptized persons, and a wedding between a Catholic and unbaptized spouse.

Check out the Nuptial Blessing and the Blessing at the Conclusion of the Wedding, as well, to find more liturgically rich and beautiful language which is great for lectio divina.

I hope this exercise in prayer helps you take any inspiring, holy text and use it to enter into a dialogue with God and with your spouse in marriage. Whether you utilize lectio divina to prepare for your wedding day or to savor the graces of your marriage in the weeks, months, and years afterward, may it bless you and encourage you to continue in prayer.

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About the Author: Liz Escoffery is a Certified FertilityCare Practitioner and Birth Boot Camp Instructor with Indy FertilityCare. In May 2017, she earned her Master of Arts in Theology from St. Meinrad Seminary & School of Theology. She enjoys working with engaged couples and newlyweds (both in Indianapolis, IN and virtually) and has helped over 175 women and couples learn the Creighton Model. She and her husband Bill have two children and another due in March 2018.

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Sacrifice When One of You Works in Ministry

AMANDA SLOAN

Sacrifice.

Sacrifice is probably one of the last words I think of when I think about marriage. In reality, however, sacrifice and marriage are fused together; impossible to separate.

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My husband and I are a missionary family with FOCUS. As such, our life involves a fair amount of sacrifice. In the four years we've been married, we've lived in three different states. Moving is a sacrifice. Fundraising your salary is a sacrifice. Solo parenting weekends while my husband is on retreat are a cross to bear. Late nights without him home, because a student is in crisis, are a sacrifice. There are many beautiful moments involved in being in ministry together, but there is also much sacrifice.

The thing about sacrifice is that it can go one of two ways: for a purpose, giving it dignity and meaning, or begrudgingly, making one bitter and resentful. In our time in ministry I've experienced both when these trials have been asked of us.

What I've found, time and again, is that life is more beautiful, our marriage grows deeper, and ministry is more fruitful when we understand and remember the meaning of our sacrifices.

No one forced my husband and I into ministry together, just as no one forced us into marriage. Whether your marriage involves active ministry or not, it will certainly involve sacrifice. When the dirty laundry piles up or the kids are acting like animals at the zoo, I remind myself to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Seeing it reminds me that these trials and inconveniences aren't just about me--rather, they are for the Kingdom.

At any given moment, my husband is on campus with a student because that student needs a listening ear or an invitation to know and be loved by Jesus. We move around the country because we trust in the guidance of the Holy Spirit and our superiors to place us on the campus where we--with our own unique gifts and shortcomings--are most needed, where our great passion for what we do will touch the hearts and souls of those we come in contact with.

That isn't to say that it is all hearts and rainbows when I look at the bigger picture. The laundry still piles up; the budget gets out of whack; the kids still act like animals. But instead of being bitter about my own frustrations or unmet desires, I see the purpose, the reason, behind it all. I ask myself hard questions instead of just throwing myself a pity-party about the still-unwashed dishes.

Would I rather have my husband home to help me with bedtime, or on campus sharing Jesus with someone who has literally never heard about him before? Would I rather be caught up on the laundry, or take that time to teach my toddler the alphabet? When I can put my sacrifices in context it helps me "offer it up," as the old saying goes.

Not only does this practice make my days easier; it makes my marriage better, too. Rather than being bitter about when my husband does finally come home, I'm excited for his arrival, eager to hear about the work he's done, the students he's befriended and the friendships he is forming.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus asked His Father to let the cup pass from Him, to not have to endure the struggles and sacrifices of the crucifixion. But ultimately He prayed, "still, not my will but yours be done" (Luke 22:42).

Following His example, we can take the hardships of our marriages to the Father and ask Him to remove them from us, but we must also cede control to His will. If He doesn't remove the struggles we can choose to offer them back to Him, to toil for the Kingdom, making a sweet aroma out of married life's trying sacrifices.

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About the Author: Amanda Sloan is a missionary spouse serving alongside her husband, Anthony, with the Fellowship of Catholic University Students (FOCUS). Amanda is also the author of Worthy: See Yourself as God Sees You and the blog Worthy of Agape. In between tea parties and jumping jacks with her two daughters, Amanda enjoys hiking, exploring the outdoors, or stealing away with the computer to write. 

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Our Best of 2017

Thanks to the beautiful vulnerability and generosity of spirit given by each of you in the Spoken Bride community, it’s been our honor to share such precious parts of your hearts, and ours, in 2017. Here, as we close this year, a look back at our featured love stories and a collection of our favorite posts.

As you plan your nuptial liturgy

• Guidelines and suggested wording for your wedding program
• An introduction to the Byzantine Rite of Marriage
• Writing your own Prayers of the Faithful

Practical and spiritual wedding planning tips

• 3 first steps to take after getting engaged
• A non-typical, yet incredibly effective, system for planning and organization 
• Distinctively Catholic ways to commemorate the dead at your Mass and reception 
• Questions to consider as you decide whether or not to have a First Look 
• Why pre-marital counseling might be a better fit for you than you thought

Prayer

• How to create your own wedding novena
• How to pray with your beloved when you have different habits and spiritualities

If you’re in need of encouragement

• You are more than your imperfections.
•  Struggling with chastity? You’re not alone…
•  ...and these practices might help you in your struggle.
• Ways to grow in friendship with your spouse when romantic emotion comes and goes
• Living in the longing
• Advice for finding comfort amidst fear of losing your beloved

As you plan your honeymoon

• Real talk about your wedding night, no matter where you’ve been
• Tips for a Roman honeymoon and having your marriage blessed by the Pope
• The joys and challenges of a “honeymoon baby”
• The editors share their favorite unexpected, yet essential, traveling items

You are a bride, a beloved. Cherish this sacred time.

• This is the essence of being a bride.
• A professional tutorial on doing your own wedding-day makeup
• How to give yourself permission to be surprised
• You are a bride always--even if you no longer feel like one after your wedding day.

Our Best Nine, According to Instagram

L-R Clockwise: Laurel Creative, Rae & Michael Photography, Elissa Voss Photography, Mary Katherine Photography, Leah Muse Photography, L'Osservatore Romano Photography, Sweetness & hope Mamas, Du Castel Photography, Jenn HarkleRoad Photography

From us to you, thank you for taking part in Spoken Bride's ministry, whether through your social media interaction, your submissions, your patronage of our Catholic wedding vendors, or simply through having clicked over to the site. All glory and thanks to the one whose hand has guided this mission and brought you here. We sincerely hope the words and images you've found here have been a source of authenticity and beauty in your heart, your spiritual life, and your relationship. Be assured of our prayers as we, like you, strive for heaven in this vocation of marriage. We’re grateful and eager to continue serving you and sharing in sisterhood in 2018!

Advent, Marriage, and Waiting in Joyful Hope

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

All of us know how difficult it is to wait: for Christmas morning, for an acceptance letter, for a diagnosis, for a spouse, for a job offer, for a child. If you’re currently engaged, you know how difficult it is to wait for your wedding day, and how the longing to be united to your beloved increases day by day.

If you’re married, you know that when that day finally does come, while it is the fulfillment of so many hopes, dreams, and prayers, it’s only the beginning. You begin to wait for the next big milestone: your first child, your first home, and so on. And when the pregnancy test is positive, or you sign the lease or mortgage papers, a new season of waiting begins.

Leah Muse Photography

It’s tempting, however, to think that once we get what we’ve been waiting for, we’ll be set. A friend of mine calls this “missing puzzle piece syndrome”. As a single woman, I struggled against the false notion that once I was married, I’d be set: no more loneliness, no more anxiety, no more waiting. Thankfully, the Lord purified me of this belief throughout my decade of singleness and helped me embrace the truth that I will be waiting and longing for the fullness of redemption until I die.

Not only did this realization prepare me for a more realistic (and therefore beautiful) understanding of the purpose and meaning of marriage, it also prevented me from making my husband into an idol, or expecting him to save me. Marriage, like all of vocations, is a path, not an end unto itself. And in that sense, it is a season of waiting like Advent.

As I’ve gotten older, Advent has become more to me than a season of waiting and preparation for the great feast of Christ’s Nativity; it’s also a reminder to us that we, both as individuals and as a Church, are still in Advent. We are still waiting for Christ to come, both at the end of time and into each moment of our daily life. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (now Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI) wrote that

Advent is not just a matter of remembrance and playing at what is past—Advent is our present, our reality: the Church is not just playing at something here; rather, she is referring us to something that also represents the reality of our Christian life. It is through the meaning of the season of Advent in the Church’s year that she revives our awareness of this. She should make us face these facts, make us admit the extent of being unredeemed, which is not something that lay over the world at once time, and perhaps somewhere still does, but is a fact in our own lives and in the midst of the Church.

As Advent draws to a close, take some time to meditate on the fact that no matter what you are waiting for, the Lord has even more that he desires to give you: Himself. And you don’t have to wait till Christmas morning to receive this gift: He is waiting for you now, in the Eucharist, in his Word, and in the incarnate love of those he has placed in your life. 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Five Distinctively Catholic Ways to Celebrate Christmas as a Couple

STEPHANIE CALIS

The season of Advent is rich with rituals and traditions: prayers like the O Antiphons and St. Andrew Christmas Novena; Advent wreaths; nativities; Lessons and Carols; the feasts of St. Nicolas, the Immaculate Conception, Our Lady of Guadalupe, and St. Lucia. Each of these point us to our Bethlehem, stretching us in desire and anticipation for the Father’s most generous gift to us: his own, beloved son.

Elissa Voss Photography

But what about the Christmas season? Suddenly, after four weeks of preparation and deeper silence, you’ve arrived at the humble stable where our Savior was born, perhaps with a sense that there’s less time or opportunity to celebrate liturgically. It’s true the Christmas season might bring with it different social obligations than the days prior--matters like travel and extended visits with family and friends--yet it’s still possible to truly enter into Jesus’ birth by creating new spiritual traditions of your own. Here, five suggestions for continuing to cultivate prayer, reverence, and wonder with your fiancé or husband after the fourth purple candle is lit:

Go to Mass, as a couple, as often as possible.

If the two of you have time off from work or school, take advantage of daily Mass. At Christmas, the reality of the Incarnation--of our salvation come down to us in the flesh--rings out. Meditating on the living Jesus in the Eucharist, in light of his coming to us as a tiny child, is profoundly beautiful. May we receive him, may we come to adore him, in full. Even if you’re staying with faraway family or friends as guests or have a packed social calendar, carving out an hour to attend Mass together, maybe with time for a quick coffee date after, is a relatively small investment of your time that pays dividends in graces received.

Host a Christmas morning party…

...in the middle of the night. If you’re attending Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, invite friends from your parish or community to celebrate with you after. It can be as simple as a potluck, caroling and games or as involved as a more formal, elaborate meal. One of my fondest memories of growing up is the block party my parents and neighbors would hold each year on the night of Christmas Eve, chatting in the street around a fire pit while sharing Christmas cookies, wine, and simple hors d'oeuvres.

Delve into the gift of self.

St. John Paul II wrote, “The human body includes right from the beginning…the capacity of expressing love, that love in which the person becomes a gift – and by means of this gift – fulfills the meaning of his being and existence.” If you’ve never taken in this great saint’s Theology of the Body, a series of weekly audiences intended to illuminate our identities as man and woman within the Father’s divine plan for creation and salvation, the Christmas season is the perfect time for an introduction. The Theology of the Body explains the ancient, constant truth of God’s immense love of lavishing gifts on us, his created and embodied children--made out of love, for love, in his own image--in the language of spousal imagery and the hope of our resurrection and eternal life. After all, it’s through the body that Christ is born to the world; through the body that he lays down his life; through the body that we receive his real presence still, the source and summit of our faith.

Create a ritual to celebrate the Christmas Octave.

The Octave of Christmas, as its name suggests, is the first eight days of the season, beginning on Christmas Day and concluding with the Nativity of the Lord. Liturgically, each day of the octave is celebrated as a solemnity, as if each day is equal in magnitude and joy as December 25.

To acknowledge and feast in these eight days, consider employing a special ritual with your beloved for each day or night of the Octave. You might exchange daily love letters or prayer intentions, Mass or Adoration, and enjoying a treat together--samplers of coffee, spirits, or chocolate are widely available, at every price point, around this time of year.

Anticipate Epiphany.

It’s a great gift to us that seasons within the Church are so distinctive, with particular practices for all her various feasts and celebrations. As the Feast of the Epiphany, the conclusion of the Christmas season approaches, take time to consider ways you might celebrate as a couple, such as King Cake or the Chalking of the Doors.

The first year we were married, my husband and I drove four hours to stay our families for the holidays, the trunk of our shared car packed with half-ready gifts. We stayed up long past midnight on Christmas Eve, drinking coffee and wrapping presents. He hoped, he told me, that every Christmas to come would be marked with a similar giddiness borne of anticipation, exhaustion, and a shared life. My heart beats faster when I stop to recognize that in the years since, that’s been more than true.

We love walking with you in your vocation and your own pilgrimage to the Christ Child, and would love to hear the Christmas rituals you’re developing in your own relationship and home!

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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