Newlywed Surprises | What I Didn't See Coming
/CADENCE MCMANIMON
“Could you hand me the curry?” I asked, shredding some lettuce.
“Sure,” my new husband replied, then turned to look at me with a cocked eyebrow. “But we’re having tuna wraps?”
“Yes, thus the curry,” I confirmed.
“What?”
We stared at each other quizzically across the kitchen table.
Most brides work hard to be prepared for marriage. My fiance, Chris, and I felt armed against all the common complaints concerning newlywed life. Child planning? Already taken care of with NFP classes. Theology of the body? Two book studies gave us a good grasp. Moving? We arranged his little apartment well ahead of time. Scheduling family events and work shifts? We’d been sharing a calendar for several months by then. We were prepared.
And then Chris and I actually got married. During the first six months, a few issues crept up seemingly out of left field. Nobody had warned us about them! Most weren’t a big deal, and some continued to be fun to explore as we went along. It’s awesome to keep discovering new things about your spouse in the first year of marriage!
So if you’re getting married soon, don’t be surprised if…
Grocery lists suddenly become unfamiliar.
Remember the curry confusion? Chris and I ate slightly different diets, just enough to make a weekly grocery list look a little funky. I had never eaten quinoa, but it was a staple in my fiance’s dinners. He wasn’t big into tomatoes or pastas, whereas I lived on Italian. This was one of those areas that could have been trouble, but turned out to be a lot of fun! I’m no Martha Stewart, but experimenting with new dishes together was a great way to design a pantry for our happy and healthy start. Keep in mind, if you or your fiance have any kind of food allergy or intolerance, plan some meals together beforehand. You’ll thank yourself for double-checking ingredients when you sit down for dinner together regularly.
Your family has anxiety about you leaving.
I’d lived at home almost all my life and was heavily involved in my little siblings’ daily routines. Not having me there every day was a big switch for them. The first few months of our marriage involved lots of letters and video chats between me and my littlest siblings, one of whom truly believed he would never see me again after the wedding. (Seriously, he cried for three hours on our wedding day.) My parents and grown siblings didn’t need the same level of reassurance, but it was still tough for them in other ways. If this becomes your situation, remember to have patience with anyone coping with your new transition--especially if you moved far away or won’t be able to visit on a regular basis. It’s not just you who has to get used to these changes.
You wake up and wonder who in the world got into your bed!
This one was probably harder for my husband than for me. Although I am a light sleeper by nature, I’d been sharing beds with sisters my entire life. Chris, on the other hand, had been used to his own bed for twenty-eight years. To say he was used to sleeping alone is an understatement! Sleeping in a new bed with a new person can be more of a shock to your system than you expect, no matter how much you love your new spouse. Don’t worry, though; in under a week we were both sleeping fine. In fact, your body may get so used to having your beloved beside you, you won’t be able to sleep without them!
Storage takes you by surprise.
I love decluttering, organizing, and keeping space free and empty. Chris doesn’t have a problem with storing things away “just in case” or because they’re sentimental. It was interesting how differently we approached . . . stuff. Honestly, I think we are learning a few good things from each other in this area. I tend to throw things away, even if a few months later it would have come in handy. Chris helps me remember to think ahead, and I help him decide which of those twenty-five Christmas cards are special enough to keep in the “memories box.” Couples may not think to discuss their clutter or organization habits, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal when differences come up. It’s just stuff, after all. Have fun collaborating on methods that work for both of you, and be open to new ideas!
Technology habits block quality time.
We all know how easy it is to spend too much time on our phones, but we often don’t realize just how much time we’re on them. A quick scroll at breakfast, checking media before bed, or a couple videos during a workout adds up quickly. Chris was in graduate school during our entire engagement and used his laptop and phone for hours every evening for homework. I work online, so much of my day was spent on a computer as well. When we got married, our ingrained screen schedules didn’t exactly line up with one another. Sometimes I’d be working well after he got home, or he’d have his phone out at dinner to check up on news and weather. We’ve built better habits by making sure my work hours line up with his, our meals and bedtime are free of phones, and one hour each evening is set aside for technology-free time together.
Chris and I are still newlyweds, just coming up on our first anniversary, so this list is far from exhaustive. But I hope it gives you a taste of the great adventure you are about to embark on. No matter how many little surprises or big changes arise, your new spouse is worth each and every one! If you work together and prioritize each other, discoveries like these can become delightful collaborations.
Even prepping a quick quinoa dish or sprinkling curry into the tuna can serve as a happy reminder of just how much two can become one in marriage.
About the Author: Cadence McManimon is a published author and a special education teacher. She writes various types of fiction including Christian, historical, and fantasy. Cadence has always loved the creative world of art and music and took up writing during her years-long battle with Lyme disease. Her novels Name Unspoken and The Lily Girl are available on her website. Her favorite things include crayons, sarcasm, Sherlock Holmes, and hearing from readers!