Creating Your Own Wedding Novena

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

One of the beautiful things about Catholic devotional life is that there is a prayer (or prayers) for every problem and occasion. Novenas in particular are increasing in popularity amongst younger generations of Catholics, thanks to sites like PrayMoreNovenas.com. And while engaged couples can find plenty of novenas to pray in preparation for marriage with a simple Google search, my hope is that this post will inspire you and your fiancé (or your maid of honor/best man) to write your own unique novena to pray with your guests in the nine days leading up to your wedding.

I first encountered the idea of a custom novena for someone’s wedding as a college student at the University of Notre Dame; one of my friends wrote a novena for a soon-to-be-married couple I knew. I thought it was such a wonderful idea that I have since offered to write one for my close friends and family who are preparing for marriage, and was blessed to receive the same gift from my sister Elisa (also my maid of honor) when I got married last year. Even if you don’t have someone who can spearhead the novena for you, writing a novena with your fiancé can be a beautiful way to grow as a couple. Below are simple instructions for how to put a novena together and share it with your guests:

Karly Jo Photography

Together with your fiancé, choose nine favorite saints.

These could be your patron saints, saints who have been meaningful to you as a couple, saints whose feast days fall on the days leading up to your wedding, or a combination of all three. My husband and I enjoyed this part of the process, although it was definitely tough to narrow down our list!

Find prayers to those saints that you can customize (or write your own).

Thanks to the internet, this part is surprisingly easy. All you have to do is search for prayers to the saints you’ve chosen and you’ll get lots of options that you can easily customize by inserting your names or changing the wording. If you’re ambitious and have some extra time on your hands, consider writing your own prayers to each Saint. Here’s an example of a modified prayer that I wrote for my sister Elisa’s wedding novena:

St. Joseph, pray for Elisa and Thomas as they begin their life as husband and wife. Pray for Thomas, that he will love Elisa the way that you loved Mary, and that he will teach his children the way you taught your Son. Pray for Elisa, that she will love Thomas the way Mary loved you, and that their union would imitate your holy marriage to Mary. Grant them both, with their future children, the grace of a happy and peaceful death.

Heavenly Father, we thank you for the gift of Christ, and for the gift of his earthly foster father, St. Joseph.

Create an email list of guests who you’d like to pray the novena with and for you.

An invitation to pray, even to those who aren’t Catholic, is never a bad thing. However, if you’re concerned that some of your guests may be offended by the idea of praying a novena for you and your fiancé, that’s something to keep in mind when making your list. I also recommend delegating this task to a bridesmaid or groomsman who can commit to sending out the prayer for each day.

Note: You may have older relatives who do not use email or check it regularly, but would love to participate in the novena. Consider printing and mailing copies of the novena to them; they’ll be so grateful.

Write an explanation of 1) what a novena is and 2) how to pray it for those who are unfamiliar with novenas, and send it out with the first day’s prayer.

Even if all of your guests (or everyone on the email list) are Catholic, it’s still helpful to include a brief explanation of novenas in general and yours in particular. It doesn’t need to be long or detailed. This is the explanation I included with my sister’s novena:

What is a Novena?

A novena is a prayer said over the course of nine days, and is popular in Catholic devotion. Novenas are usually prayed for a special intention and through the intercession of a particular Saint. We ask for the intercession of the saints because they are in heaven and are great prayer warriors. We do not worship the Saints or pray "to" them in the same way that we pray to God. We do honor them for their heroic virtue and holiness, and look to their example as we "work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling" as St. Paul says in Philippians 2:12.

For Elisa and Thomas, each day of the novena is dedicated to one of their favorite Saints. The idea is to have as many of Elisa and Thomas’ family and friends praying for them and their life together on the days leading up to their wedding.

How to pray the novena:

Begin in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Pray the specific prayer for that day.

End with the Our Father and a Hail Mary.

Pray the final novena prayer together with your wedding party before your rehearsal.

Kristian and I had a holy hour before our rehearsal, so we printed copies of our final novena prayer and invited everyone there to pray it with us. Those who were not at the holy hour could still pray it on their own at home.

In my experience, praying a customized wedding novena is a beautiful way to remain focused on the sacrament of marriage in the final (typically crazy) days of wedding preparation. It’s also a wonderful way to invite your guests to support you, especially those who are far away and unable to attend the wedding. My hope is that Kristian and I will pray our wedding novena each year in the nine days leading up to our anniversary, so that we don’t forget the holy men and women who interceded for us as we entered into married life.

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Chastity and the Battle to Let Love Conquer Lust

STEPHANIE CALIS

If you ever imagined and prayed once your finger held an engagement ring, your relationship and spiritual life would soar to the heights and become less complicated, only to learn the truth sometimes more resembles the opposite, you aren’t alone. The love of man and wife is transformative and real, life-giving, with the power to transcend and change this world. It’s obvious why the enemy constantly snaps at the the heels of something so good, so beautiful, so much more powerful than death.

During my own engagement, I was suddenly more aware of spiritual warfare than ever before. In times past, to be honest, I’d always considered attacks from Satan more of a superstition than a reality, yet here came a hurricane of self-doubt, anxiety about the future, and particularly for my fiancé and I, battles with purity. At the time, I was serving a mission year as a chastity speaker, and my boss told us to expect a battle.

Photography: Petite Fleur Studios

As I began my mission, and as my husband-to-be and I embarked on thirteen months of long-distance dating and engagement, we struggled constantly, spending our rare visits arguing about wedding matters and staying up too late, too physically close--sex was a line we were resolved not to cross, yet we’d inch closer to that line than we’d intended, all the same. The deeper I fell in love with him, the more I wanted to express that love fully.  

Don't misunderstand me. Desire for your beloved is good and it’s holy, but of course, its fullness is ordered toward marriage. Before engagement, our physical relationship was something I was proud of. The degree of purity my fiancé and I had preserved had deeply healed me from a past relationship, and I could honestly say I'd never felt lustful towards him, never felt the desire to overpower, to take from him, or to reduce the truth of who he was.

But the human heart is a battlefield between love and lust. When authentic love is what you prize and when you’re able to rise above the culture’s message that being lusted after is desirable, you still might find yourself sliding into habits of lust and use without even meaning to, and find yourself wondering if you’re worthy of your vocation. That’s a lie.

When I was with my fiancé--and even when I wasn’t--I couldn't get the enemy off my back.  Between my engagement and my work, I was determined to be pure in my thoughts, words, and actions, to become ever more free and fully alive. Yet I found myself constantly going back to confession for what felt like the same old sins, and there were a few times I just broke down with anxiety.  

On the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, a day when Our Lady's conception crushed the head of evil, I was consumed with anxiety about my worth as a woman. Rather than looking to Mary as a perfect model of faith, beauty, and purity, I saw her as an unattainable ideal whom I could never come close to imitating. How could I--so imperfect and so unworthy--be a real bride when it was her who was the real one, the one seeking the will of the Father in all things and embodying a perfectly integrated sexuality? It became increasingly difficult to not view my marriage as a finish line I couldn't wait to just stagger across, when the whole fight would presumably be over and I could stop feeling so fake, keeping my battles a secret. Another lie whispered in my ear: if only they knew.

The world wonders why, if chastity is such a fight, not to just give in and plant a white flag in the sand. But I knew I wasn't just following the rules. I was so internally convicted of the right path, knowing it was the best way to show my love.

So live in encouragement. Live in the tension of awaiting the full expression of your love for one another on the day you become man and wife--become one.

Believe with your whole heart you are good. You are worthy. You are also human, and the Lord delights in our humanity, flaws and all. Looking back, I'm sure now that through every attack on my purity, I was receiving graces I didn't even know about. Ask for the grace to refuse your temptations, to silence the part of you that feels unworthy, and to endure whatever trials your relationship is going through. Run to his mercy as many times as you need to, and be renewed. The Father is so loving and so gentle with us. Remember to be that with yourself, too.

A Benedictine monk told me once to combat spiritual warfare by standing between the pillars of Our Lady and the Eucharist. He said when we recognize darkness, say, Evil, I reject you. I claim victory. I claim the Cross. 

I made a consecration to Our Lady in college. Sometimes I forget that behind every perfectly worn chain or Miraculous Medal is a very imperfect woman. I am inadequate, strengthened only by grace. These devotionals aren’t so much a desperate tether to stay close to her, I’ve realized, as much as a reminder that she has also chained herself to me. A loving mother never gives up on her children. Rest in her loving mantle, cling to her son, and even while storms rage and the battle continues, you will know peace.

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Newlywed Life | The Joys and Challenges of Having a "Honeymoon Baby"

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Many Catholic couples hope for a "honeymoon baby," either because they dream about having a large family, or (like my husband and I) they get married a little later and want to start their family as soon as possible. Some newlyweds have a come-what-may attitude toward pregnancy: if it happens right away, it happens, and if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. There are couples for whom it is a matter of prudence to avoid pregnancy in the early months or years of marriage. And there are couples who would love to get pregnant right away, but struggle to conceive--couples for whom friends’ pregnancy announcements, or even a blog post like this, can be painful to read.

My intended audience for this post is those engaged and newlywed couples who are afraid of or anxious about getting pregnant right away (and by “right away”, I mean within the first year of marriage), for whatever reason. Perhaps you’re afraid of how having a child will change your relationship with each other. Maybe you’re anxious about how different life will be once you have a baby who is entirely dependent on you for everything. It could simply be that the thought of going through all of the less-than-pleasant aspects of pregnancy and childbirth is terrifying--especially in a cultural climate where pregnancy is often looked upon as an illness that needs to be treated, instead of a natural state of being for a fertile woman.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KAITLYN HEACOCK PHOTOGRAPHY

Whatever the source of your fear is, I can probably relate, because I had all the fears before I got pregnant. Thanks be to God and my wonderful husband, I was able to move past that fear and into trust, and we were blessed to conceive on my second cycle after we were married.

As happy as we were on the morning of that positive pregnancy test, I would be lying if I told you that we haven’t had our share of struggles as we adjust to the reality that we are not simply a married couple, but parents. At our childbirth classes, we are by far the most newlywed of the couples in attendance. In the eyes of many, Kristian and I didn’t give ourselves enough newlywed time to enjoy being “just us” before we invited a third party into the mix. And I get that.

Part of me wishes that I hadn’t been in the first trimester haze for three of the ten months that we’ve been married. Part of me wishes that Kristian and I had been able to take a camping trip with all of the awesome gear we got as wedding gifts before I started having to use the restroom approximately twenty times a night. Part of me wishes that we could have had years to take advantage of Kristian’s flight benefits (he works for a major airline), travel the world together, and enjoy being “just us”.

But that’s not the best part of me, and I know it. I know that, at the end of the day, my life and our marriage is not about me--or us--it’s about being living witnesses of the love of a God who continually pours himself out to us. I also know that so many of my dear friends and family members would have loved to get pregnant right away, but had to suffer through years of fertility struggles, and in some cases are still struggling. I don't know why we received this gift right away, but I know that it is a gift.  And when I look back on the past ten months, mild morning sickness and weight gain notwithstanding, I wouldn’t change a thing.

The first trimester, when I felt sick and tired 90% of the time (the rest of my pregnancy has been relatively easy), was such a time of growth in our relationship and an opportunity for me to receive Kristian’s love and for him to serve me in a new way. Staying in more and socializing less gave us an opportunity to spend quiet evenings together that we won’t have again until our children are grown and out of the house. Knowing that our family is growing has given us more of an eternal perspective on things like finances and home ownership. I knew when we were dating and engaged that my husband had a servant’s heart, but since I became pregnant, I’ve been newly struck by his selflessness and daily sacrifices.

Now, as I settle into the third trimester and the reality that I am a mother and we are actually going to have a baby sinks in, I give thanks for our son, who will undoubtedly draw my husband and me even closer to Christ and one another, and teach us to love in radical new ways that we can hardly imagine. And while it is scary to think about how different our lives will be once Baby arrives, I know that fear is never from God. He gave us the grace to say “yes” to the vocation of marriage, and he will pour out new graces upon us as we welcome our son into the world. And if the Lord gives you and your future spouse the gift of a honeymoon baby, whether or not it was in your plan, you can expect the same outpouring of grace.

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Vendor Spotlight | Claire Watson Photography

A lawyer by day and creative soul off the clock, Claire Watson began teaching herself photography with a personal food blog. A publicist friend noticed Claire’s work as she improved, and invited her to shoot some business images for a local baker. After styling and shooting the baker’s products, Claire decided to throw in some headshots. She lent the baker her curling iron and mascara, and the realization began setting in: she liked working with people even more than with objects. She began shooting more and more portraits, loving the opportunity to give encouragement during a shoot and to witness the joy in her clients viewing their images for the first time.

Encouragement informs every aspect of a client’s experience with Claire. Engagement sessions are built into wedding packages, allowing couples not just to get comfortable in front of the camera, but to share their stories with Claire, and they receive a surprise in the mail following their sessions. Claire also specializes in timeline construction, helping her couples maximize the various locations, groups of family and friends, and desired shots that make up their wedding days. Her blog brims with wedding planning tips, and Claire loves texting with her brides to answer questions and to see when they purchase their gowns, and loves seeing the fruits of their marriages down the road.

All these investments in Claire’s client experience go far deeper than business decisions. Scroll through her blog and Instagram feed, and alongside her gorgeously airy, naturally lit portraits, journalistic images wherein a wedding day unfolds, and detail shots that nod to her start as a still-life photographer, you’ll find yourself starting to feel like you know Claire’s brides and grooms. That sense is rooted in her storytelling: how a couple met, what their personalities are like, anecdotes from their wedding day or engagement session, and boundless compliments on their choices in dress, decor, and traditions. Her stories bring a distinctively personal touch to her brand, rooted in true connection and an investment in the heart.

From Claire: Carefully watching for unfolding moments between cousin flower girls or a silently capturing that tear running down a daddy's face is what motivates me to become a better photographer. Those images only get more valuable as time marches on and I feel incredibly flattered when someone trusts me with documenting the first day of their marriage.

God looks on us with such a loving gaze, but often we don't see the loveliness He's built in us. If I can help people see a small fraction of that beauty, I feel like I'm doing good work.

CLAIRE WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM

Katherine + Dominic | Fourth of July Wedding

Dominic and Katherine met in chemistry class during their sophomore year of high school. Dominic would always make Katherine laugh during class, and they would run into each other at church every Sunday. Their friendship blossomed into a romance during their senior year of high school, and they dated for a few months before going to separate colleges. While in college, their relationship continued to grow, and so did their faith. Katherine would often pray for their relationship at Seton Hall's Chapel of the Immaculate Conception. Dominic proposed to Katherine in that very same chapel where she had prayed for their relationship so many times before, following a homily comparing the facets of a diamond to the community of believers within the Catholic Church. Both Dominic and Katherine felt through these details that God's hand was truly on them as they took another step towards their vocation of marriage.

The nuptial mass took place in Katherine and Dominic's home parish, Immaculate Conception Church in Annandale, New Jersey. Dominic's uncle is a deacon and he preached a beautiful homily tying Dominic and Katherine's relationship to the readings they had chosen. As Dominic and Katherine made their grand exit following the nuptial mass, the guests had blush, gold, and lace ribbons as well as American flags to wave at the couple. Katherine's father is in the Navy, and the wedding took place on 4th of July weekend, so they thought it was fitting to mix in their American pride into the elegance of their wedding.

The reception took place at David's Country Inn, a charming old mansion that made the fairly large wedding feel quite intimate. At the cocktail hour, there were photos of the bride and groom's parents and grandparents on their wedding days, as well as photos of loved ones who had passed away, accompanied by Bible verses. Instead of a traditional guest book, Dominic and Katherine asked guests to sign their first family Bible. The couple decorated the tables with photos of their various stages of life and their relationship. The dance floor was crowded all night long as family and friends danced and laughed the night away!

From the Bride: Our spiritual takeaway from our wedding day was that God is in all of the details of our lives. God has made his presence known to us throughout our relationship, and our wedding day was no exception. We felt the presence of the Holy Spirit so deeply in all of the details of the day. We felt God's presence in the gifts we gave to each other (Dominic gave me a crucifix ring, I gave Dominic my purity ring and a miraculous medal, since he has a special devotion to Our Lady), in the mass through the readings and music we had so carefully chosen together, and in the joy and love shown to us by family and friends at both the ceremony and reception. We prayed for our wedding day for so long, and on that day it was clear that God had heard our prayers, and that He would be faithful to us as we began our vocation of marriage together.

Photography: Anne Molnar Photography | Church: Immaculate Conception Church - Annandale NJ | Wedding Reception Venue: David's Country Inn | Floralist: Elegant Wedding Florals | Reception Florist: Fleurs Divine |  Hair & Make-Up: Artiste Salon • Jewelry: Trezar Fine Jewelry • Groom & Groomsmen Attire: Calvin Kline, Men's Wareshouse • Bride's Shoes: Kate Spade • Bride's Gown: David's Bridal Collection • Bridesmaids Dresses: David's Bridal | DJ: Paul Anthony Entertainment • Cake: Palermo's Bakery

Battling Fear and Anxiety During Engagement

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY 

Before I got engaged in July 2016, I had visions of non-stop romantic dates and bridal showers and holy hours with my fiancé...and not much else.  Let’s just say that I was more than a little bit surprised when my adolescent Catholic rom-com visions of engagement didn’t turn out to be entirely accurate.

The biggest surprise was that, as overjoyed as I was at getting married to the man I love, the weeks following our engagement were emotionally difficult (to put it mildly). Not only were Kristian and I talking dates, reception venues, guest lists, and who would preside over our wedding Mass, we had to start looking for a place to live post-marriage, have really uncomfortable (for me) discussions about money, and we had to deal with all of the issues that arise when you try to plan a huge celebration for two large extended families.

What saved me from despair during the first few weeks post-engagement (aside from consolation from Kristian, therapy, and the adoration chapel) was the fact that several of my married girlfriends opened up to me about how difficult their engagements had been, especially in the first few weeks of stress-inducing wedding planning.

I was comforted by this, but also perplexed; why hadn’t anyone told me before that engagement isn’t all staring deeply into each other’s eyes and getting showered with love and attention from the entire world?

My theory is that many women assume that there must be something wrong with them if engagement isn’t always easy, so they don’t talk about it, which only perpetuates the engagement-is-all-fun myth. Combine that with the Instagram feeds and Facebook updates and wedding websites filled with pretty pictures taken at the exact right time with the right lighting (or at least the right filter), and you have a recipe for misconception.

The truth is, I was afraid to talk about my engagement stresses with anyone (other than my therapist) for fear that I would find out that there was something wrong with me, or that I was not meant to marry Kristian.

Eventually, thanks to pre-marital counseling and meaningful conversations with my now husband, I realized that engagement is a lot like the rest of life. If you're naturally prone to anxiety and (like me) a bit more high-strung than the average bear, that's not going to change because you're engaged. And even if you're naturally pretty chill, emotional rollercoaster rides are par for the course during engagement. To top it all off, your emotions will probably ebb and flow more than your fiancé's. And, if you’re using your engagement to actually prepare for marriage (as opposed to just planning the wedding) that is to be expected.

Kristian and I did not shy away from talking about everything with each other, from how we would handle our finances to what Christmas traditions we wanted to be a part of our family culture. In our pre-marital counseling sessions (and conversations afterward), we shared our ongoing emotional, psychological, and spiritual struggles with each other, which required a level of vulnerability that is anything but comfortable. Wedding-planning stress reared its ugly head on more than one occasion, leading to tear-filled (on my side) dinner dates. And of course, we both had our moments when the gravity of what it means to be married in the Church sank in: that we were promising to be an image of God’s love till death do us part. Wow.

In addition to normal human fear and anxiety during engagement, it’s also worth noting that spiritual attack often increases during this time. I’m thankful that my therapist recommended that I read Discernment of Spirits by Fr. Timothy Gallagher during engagement, because it helped me to recognize when the fear and anxiety I was experiencing was the result of the Evil One trying to discourage me from pursuing the Lord’s will wholeheartedly. St. Paul tells us in Ephesians 2:14 that Christ and his will “is our peace”, and even in the most intensely anxious moments of my engagement, I experienced that peace.

That said, if you have persistent and intense fear or anxiety regarding marriage in general or your fiance in particular, please talk to someone about it. It could be a sign of a deeper issue within your heart or in your relationship that needs to be addressed before you get married, and it’s better to address those concerns now, rather than after you say “I do.”

As paradoxical as it may sound, I am thankful that our engagement was not a fairytale, because marriage isn’t a fairytale. It is a supremely real path to heaven, and thanks to the preparation we had during engagement, I am hopeful that my husband and I will be able to--with God’s grace--face whatever the future holds in our marriage: good, bad, and in between.

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Fun Reads Featuring Strong Marriages

ADA THOMAS

As a bride-to-be or newlywed, you've probably noticed the plethora of self-help books directed at nearly every area of your life: DIY wedding books, conflict-resolution books, and even Catholic how-to books. It is easy to be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of advice that is thrown at you as a bride, and at the end of the day you’re often left wondering, “How does this work in real life?”

In her list of wedding resources, Elise mentioned that she and her fiancé found mentor couples to help them prepare for their wedding day. If that is not an option for you (or maybe just isn’t your style), these books from many different genres may help fill the void. There are many accessible, enjoyable books that feature strong marriages, perfect for reading on your commute or when you need a break from wedding planning.

My Life in France by Julia Child

Although Julia and her husband Paul were not Catholic, their marriage is a wonderful example of a strong union and a helpmate relationship between spouses. During Paul’s time working for the State Department, Julia moved with him to France, Germany, Norway, and finally back to the United States. She supported him in his work, while he supported her in her newfound love of cooking, and together they created a home where their friends could feel welcome and revel in Julia’s delicious cooking, perfectly complimented by her husband’s extensive knowledge of wine. 

Paul and Julia are a real life example of what it means to grow within marriage. Julia did not start cooking until well into her thirties, and she and Paul continued to cultivate their personal interests together as a couple. While Julia filmed her first  cooking shows, Paul was behind the camera, washing her dishes for the next scene or taste-testing her delicious food.

Not only will this book encourage you to offer loving support to your husband-to-be, it may also inspire you to master the art of French cooking with your sweetheart!

The Story of the Von Trapp Family Singers by Maria Von Trapp

There’s much more to the famous “Sound of Music family” than a classic movie with a catchy soundtrack. In her autobiography, Maria Von Trapp chronicles her time with her family, both as their governess and later as their mother. She candidly discusses coming into a disunified family and how music brought them all together.

After Hitler came to power, the Von Trapp family, who had become famous in Austria for their musical talent, fled to the United States, where they finally settled in Vermont. They started a camp near their Vermont home for other families to come together to grow in appreciation for music and each other. Maria’s story faith, strength, and  devotion to her family make an inspiring read for anyone hoping to start a strong family of their own.

David Copperfield by Charles Dickens

While this may seem a slightly counterintuitive suggestion, bear with me! Within its typically dickensian six hundred pages, David Copperfield contains the only happy family in all of Dickens’ vast canon. The Copperfield’s maid, Peggotty, marries the willing Mr. Barkis and relocates to Yarmouth where they live in a barge-turned-house on the beach with Peggotty’s brother, her nephew, and Peggotty’s adopted niece, Emily.

Despite the many misfortunes and hardships which the family endures, Peggotty and Barkis’ home is a welcome bulwark against the harshness of the world around them. It is the place where young Davy Copperfield feels most at home and most happy before the gloom of his mother’s marriage to the evil Mr. Murdstone settles into his own home. The little boathouse on Yarmouth beach is a jewel of domestic bliss in a world of turmoil, unhappiness, and, frankly, terrible marriages.

Anne’s House of Dreams by L.M. Montgomery

Most women are at least vaguely familiar with the Anne of Green Gables series by LM Montgomery, but if it’s been a few years since you got these classics off the shelves, consider reading the fifth installment, Anne’s House of Dreams, as you prepare for marriage. In this book, Anne returns to Avonlea to finally marry Gilbert Blythe, and the picture that LM Montgomery paints of wedding preparation and newlywed life reminds us that, despite all of the difficulties that crop up in daily life, we are meant to enjoy this special time.

Anne and Gilbert’s love, supported by those who love them best, is the sole focus of their wedding day. There is no worry about the church, the reception venue, or the caterer, and their home is a reflection of the comfort and joy that their love brings to each of them. Even in times of great sorrow, the Blythes find consolation in their home and in their mutual love. Their neighbors also seek out the “house of dreams” as a refuge, knowing that there will always be a warm welcome for them there.

If you decide to read one (or all) of these books as you prepare for marriage, I hope you will discover what I have found: beautiful literary reminders of what is essential in the process of making two lives one.  

About the Author: Ada Thomas studied English at the University of Dallas and currently teaches elementary school. She will be marrying her college best friend in November. When she is not wedding planning or teaching, Ada can be found contemplating classical education, redecorating her apartment for the hundredth time, and reading British novels.

Anna + Mike | Downtown St. Paul Wedding

Anna and Mike met in ROTC early on in college, but didn’t become friends--and begin seeing the truth of one another’s hearts and character--until a few years later on a camping trip with mutual friends. In the months that followed, Anna felt herself falling hard for Mike, but didn’t think he was interested.

On her friend’s advice, Anna offered her and Mike’s relationship back to the Lord, asking that whether as spouses, friends, or even mere acquaintances, their interaction glorify Jesus. “The day I finally felt myself relent and let go of how I wanted the relationship and accepted what God had in store,” she says, ended up being the very day Mike expressed his romantic interest, and they began dating.

From the Bride: We dated for two years, including two long-distance summers--one of which was “letters only” while Mike attended field training. These months were trying, yet truly beautiful and formative times in our relationship. Marriages in which both spouses are members of the military present a unique set of challenges--these summers provided a taste of what such a marriage could like. We clearly saw our relationship was something special and worth defending.

We discussed marriage early on. By God’s grace, Mike and I had both spent a considerable amount of time as single individuals prayerfully considering the type of person we’d like to marry someday. As the months passed, it became more and more clear the this relationship fulfilled both of our desires.

I expected Mike would propose around the start of our senior year of college, but as the school year started with no signs of one, I began getting disheartened and frustrated. By a stroke of luck, I found myself at a Praise and Worship event at our campus parish one Sunday night after Mass. On a whim, I met with one of the religious brothers there and offered my relationship back to the Lord. Walking home, I felt overcome with a wonderful sense of peace. No matter what happened, I felt confident of the Lord’s presence in my life and knew I had no real reason to fear. The next day--our anniversary--Mike proposed. I was caught completely off guard and absolutely thrilled.

Mike and I envisioned our wedding day being a gift of joy, love, and excitement for as many people as possible. I pictured a wedding aesthetic that would be unique, but also timeless and classic.

I spent the night before the wedding with my bridesmaids. I was nervous for the big day, and it was such a comfort to be surrounded with wonderful, loving, generous, women; dear friends who had prayed with and comforted me back when Mike was just a long-shot crush of mine. One of my favorite memories was showing my bridesmaids my dress, which I’d kept secret, for the first time.

We invited many non-Catholic, and even non-Christian, guests, and felt it was important to portray the essence of the Church through our nuptial Mass. We knew that for many, this would be their first--and maybe only--glimpse of the Church and aimed to utilize our readings and music to describe our faith to the wedding guests. Tobit 8, Romans 12, and John 15 painted a picture of the love we will strive for in our marriage and our lives as Catholics. The opening song we chose, Here is My Life by Ed Conlin, powerfully describes the gift of self we were humbly offering that day. Remembrance by Matt Maher during Communion helped convey the holiness of the sacrament to guests unfamiliar with the Eucharist.

We honored dear family and friends throughout our nuptial Mass. Mike’s mom, a talented musician, wrote the music for the Psalm. Friends served as lectors and Eucharistic ministers, and a married couple who mentored us through our engagement were gift bearers, along with their son. We honored deceased family members in the Prayers of the Faithful.

The Mass was filled with special moments, but the homily was particularly moving. To hear our priest, Father Jon, say he was proud of us and would be there for us throughout our marriage was profoundly humbling and touching. Such statements, made by a man standing as the representation and authority of Jesus, carry a deep implication: that God himself is pleased with the relationship that has brought us to this point, and he will stand by us through every trial we will face.

After the Mass, we had a receiving line, which I definitely recommend to couples who will Once the reception starts, it is much more challenging to keep track of everyone and interact with guests individually.

Our reception was held at the Minnesota History Center in downtown St. Paul. It is a beautiful museum with soaring ceilings and enormous windows, with a lovely terrace that was perfect for the outdoor cocktail hour we both wanted, and a two level dinner-dance location that provided the element of uniqueness I had been hoping for.

My mom came up with the idea of paying tribute to our relationship with nature-inspired centerpieces featuring letters Mike wrote to me during his field training. The wood and vines nodded to our love for the outdoors and the camping trip that started everything, and the letters were a way to share our journey to the altar with our guests.

Our first dance was like a dream. Looking around, surrounded by flashing lights and loud music, and seeing people from every community we are a part of: family, church, college, the military, childhood…it was sort of bizarre, but in the best way possible! Since we’ll probably never have all those people in the same room again, it was important to just be present in the moment and acknowledge how special it was.

One of my favorite parts of the entire day was taking portraits with Mike. Our relationship has often conveyed more through expressions and body language than through speaking. Taking portraits was a delightful, private time for us to be physically close and revel in the emotions of the day. We genuinely felt so close to one another in those moments, and I’m blown away by how well our photographer captured that feeling. I vividly remember the feel of Mike’s arms around me and am grateful for such a powerful sensory memory of our wedding day. We said more to one another in those embraced than we probably ever could have in words or letters.

The love the Lord calls us to is a sanctifying love. While beautiful and awe-inspiring, this love is also self-denying and at times, terrifying. Preparing and fully giving the complete gift of oneself is not easy. Yet it isn’t necessarily meant to be easy; it’s meant to draw us deeper into a relationship with the person of Jesus. Beautiful gifts are often hard-earned.

It is, as St. Teresa of Calcutta said, a paradox: when you love until it hurts, you’ll find the hurt stops and you’re left with only love. I’d encourage every bride and groom to pursue sanctifying love in their relationships. Surround yourselves with people who will call you on to the Church’s mission of love, and be brave in the face of the new ways the Lord asks you to love your partner and those you encounter each day.

Photography: Leslie Larson Photography | Church: St. Lawrence Catholic Church Minneapolis, MN | Wedding Reception Venue: Minnesota History Center St. Paul, Minnesota | Rings: Brilliant Earth, Avenue Jewelers, and King Will | Flowers: Family friend | Invitations: Wedding Paper Divas | Caterer: D’Amico Catering | Bridal dress: David’s Bridal | Bridesmaid dresses: David’s Bridal | Groom’s tux: Men’s Wearhouse | Groomsmen tuxes: Men’s Wearhouse | Cake: D’Amico Catering | Hairstylist: Taj Salon and Spa | Make up: Taj Salon and Spa | Music: Northern Lights DJ | Pre-marital counseling: Quo Vadis Therapy Center

Receptivity: The Essence of Being a Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

Over a year ago, the morning of May 21st, 2016, I was in the library on the ground floor of my beautiful high school, getting ready for my wedding. The Mass would be held in the St. Francis de Sales Chapel at the very center of my alma mater, where I’d sat for school Masses so many times before. Even before then, I had come often as a little girl with my parents, who have worked there since before I was born.

In those final moments between the library bookshelves, just before my mom and sister helped button the back of my dress and my dad hugged me one last time, as I tucked the strand of hair back into place behind the pin it kept slipping out of, the priest who would celebrate our Mass came down to see me.

Elizabeth M Photography

He pulled me aside to tell me one last thing--“the most important thing”--according to him, before I walked upstairs and the celebration started. His words were these:

“You have done so much to prepare for this moment. So much planning, so much preparation, so much prayer. Endless conversations have been had, decisions made, things accomplished. You don’t need to focus on any of that anymore. All you need to do now is simply receive. Just sit back and place yourself in the position to receive all the grace God wants to pour into your heart through this sacrament. Don’t focus on any other details at this point. Just open your heart and receive all the love that’s about to flood in.”

They were the words I needed to hear. He knew that. He had probably given similar advice to other brides on their wedding days, and as he hugged me and told me he’d see me upstairs, I let them sink in.

These words shaped the rest of my wedding day. They’ve shaped my life as a wife since. They have radically impacted my experience of this vocation, and thank goodness for that. I’m not sure if that sweet priest realized the weight of his words for me.

But because of Fr. Gregory’s little reminder that what God wanted for me on my wedding day was to receive his grace in a profound and tangible way through the gift of my husband, I could recognize and truly receive that gift. The gift of peace I felt poured onto me on my wedding day seemed to drape over everything. I felt how deeply bridal it was to position myself with my heart open to Christ and those around me--particularly the man who became my husband that day.

I’ve realized more and more since that humble receptivity is the very essence of this vocation. Living as a wife means the constant work of receiving your husband with love. Living as a mother extends this reality profoundly to your children. Living as a woman, in a most basic and beautiful way, asks us to make our hearts a home for all those we encounter.

And even further, the vocation of marriage asks that we be prepared to be received by our husbands in love, and to accept the love of Jesus through them. Trying to return, again and again, to a place of intentional openness is so woven into my experience of being a wife that I can see it as the bridge that connected engagement and marriage for me.

It’s true that many things change through the reception of this sacrament and the entering into this new stage of life, but what remains essential is the call for an open heart--even if its expression changes shape over time.

And so engaged, married, or single, these priestly words of wisdom shared with me that May morning can inspire your heart like they have mine. When we are open to the grace God wishes to give us each day, He will never cease to meet us and pour Himself into us to make us stronger and more capable of love. And that will always make us able to more wholly receive each day the gift it is meant to be.

---

About the Author: Corinne Gannotti studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University of Steubenville and works now as a middle school religion teacher in Pennsylvania. She loves many things, not the least of which include theatre, her hilarious husband Sam, running, Dunkin Donuts, and St. Bernadette. She and her husband are anxiously awaiting the birth of their first baby. She is a consistent contributor to the Integrity blog. 

BLOG | iNSTAGRAM

Finding a Beautiful Wedding Gown on a Budget

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Like many women, I imagined my wedding day as a little girl: the church, the flowers, the handsome groom, and the dress. I remember being fascinated by my aunts’ and cousins’ dresses when I went to their weddings as a girl. They looked so beautiful and princess-like, even in the 80s and early 90s when the bridal gown trends toward puffed sleeves and hats with veils attached left something to be desired.

As I grew older, my taste changed, but my desire to look and feel beautiful on my wedding day did not. Even if you’re not a “girly girl” or particularly into fashion, you probably want the same thing. Your wedding dress is something you'll wear while you and your husband-to-be confer the sacrament of marriage on one another, so it makes sense to put some time and thought into it, even if you’re not sartorially inclined. (Note: There is nothing in Catholic tradition or teaching that stipulates that brides must wear a fancy dress, a white dress, or any particular garment on their wedding day.)

But what about the cost? As Catholics, we are called to be good stewards of our money, and anyone who has ever gone to a bridal salon knows that even the lower-end wedding dresses can be priced in the thousands of dollars. If you’re concerned about sticker shock, are on a tight budget, or just can’t stomach the idea of paying more than X amount of money for a dress you’ll only wear for one day, I have good news for you: you can still find a beautiful wedding dress that you love without breaking the bank. You just have to get creative! Below are a few tips and tricks I learned while shopping for my dress, which was a sample dress that I got at a consignment bridal salon, and from friends and family who found their dresses in unconventional places.

Go to a Fancy Salon First to Get a Feel for What You Like

A nice bridal salon is a good place to get a feel for different wedding dress styles, what’s flattering (and not) on you, what materials and fabrics you like, etc. There is no law that says you can’t go to a nice bridal salon, try on a few dresses, and then leave empty-handed. Plus, it’s just fun to go to a nice salon with your girlfriends/sisters/mom and try on pretty dresses.

Know Your Budget, And Stick To It

This is a tough one, but it really makes a difference in the shopping process. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the sheer number of options, but if you have a clear idea not only of what styles you like, but what price points you can afford, everything will go more smoothly.  

Visit Consignment/Sample Dress Shops in Your Area

I found my dress at Second Summer Bride, a consignment bridal salon where most of the dresses are marked down at least 50% from the original price. I went expecting all of the dresses to be pre-owned, but was pleasantly surprised that many of them were sample dresses that were past-season and hadn’t been worn before. Since I wasn’t looking for anything trendy, I didn’t mind that the dresses were from previous seasons, and I ended up finding my dress (which I loved) in less than an hour. The best part (aside from the price): I was able to take the dress out of the store that day, instead of going back to the salon multiple times for fittings, which you typically have to do if you go the fancy bridal salon route.

Detail of my wedding dress from Second Summer Bride. Photo by Leah Muse Photography.

Purchase a Pre-owned Dress Online

After going to several bridal salons, including a couple of consignment stores, my sister found her dress at PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com. The bride who originally wore it had it designed to look like one of Kate Middleton’s dresses, and although it needed alterations to fit my sister, the beauty and price point of the dress was too good to pass up. Other sites, like eBay and Craigslist, also have pre-owned and sample dresses available, but be sure to double-check the return policy before purchasing anything.

Look into the Possibility of a Custom Dress

Believe it or not, a custom made dress can be less expensive than a store-bought dress. If you find a good seamstress in your area (or even online), you can save money and get exactly what you want. Win, win.

Consider Borrowing a Dress from a Family Member or Friend

I know more than one bride who borrowed a friend/family member’s dress for her big day. Obviously, this is a big money-saver, but it can also be a beautiful way to honor your mother, grandmother, or sister at your wedding. If the thought of wearing the exact same dress as someone else is unpalatable to you, remember that your choice of accessories and some minor alterations can make a dress feel brand new.

My sister in the dress she got from Pre-owned Wedding Dresses. Photo by Leah Muse Photography.

Regardless of where you decide to purchase your dress, I hope these tips encourage you to think outside the bridal salon box. And if you purchased a dress from an unconventional source, please share with us in the comments!

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

How He Asked | Annie + Kelvin

Annie and Kelvin met in the summer of 2015 at their parish's young adult group. Annie was about to start her senior year at the University of Miami, and being home for the summer, desired to find a Catholic community to get involved with while away from her campus ministry. Kelvin was working as a mechanical engineer and had been attending this group for a few years.

Sharing an interest in learning about and discussing the Catholic faith, Annie and Kelvin became friendly acquaintances. After getting to know one another throughout the summer, when the time came for Annie to return to school, Kelvin asked for her number so that they could stay in touch. Throughout the school year, Annie and Kelvin's friendship deepened until it was clear the Lord was calling them to marry one another.

In Annie's words: I knew there was something unspoken between us, but I wanted Kelvin to make the first move. I didn't know if we would make a good match due to our personality differences, since I am very extroverted and Kelvin appeared to be quiet, serious, and introspective. I quickly became impatient with the pace of our developing friendship, wanting things to progress faster, so I had to constantly remind myself that if this was the Lord's will, it would happen in His time. 

After ten months of friendship, we entered into an exclusive dating relationship and eventually began discussing marriage. Fast forward eleven months to March 25th, 2017, the solemnity of the Annunciation: we were kneeling before Jesus present in the Blessed Sacrament at an adoration chapel, and  Kelvin proposed, asking me to be his "beloved, betrothed, and wife." Through tears of absolute joy, I said YES!

We decided to do a betrothal ceremony after reading about it online, and I'm so glad we did. It was more than a blessing of the engagement--it was a solemn vow to love the other with a self-sacrificial love, like Jesus, and keep the upcoming sacrament of Matrimony as the focus of the engagement. 

We had already decided we wanted all major milestones in their relationship to be centered around Marian feast days, due to our devotion to Our Lady, so our Betrothal Ceremony was on May 13th, 2017 - the 100th Anniversary of the apparition of Our Lady of Fatima! We invited close friends, family, and the wedding party. The ceremony was celebrated by Kelvin's spiritual director, a retired priest of the Diocese of Palm Beach, Father Brian Flanagan, and was followed by a Mass celebrating the Feast of Our Lady of Fatima. 

 It was definitely an interesting experience inviting people and talking about the Betrothal Ceremony. The most popular response was, "I've never been to one." My favorite response to that was, "Neither have I!" This was a new and beautiful experience for both Kelvin and I, and our guests. The most exciting part was the witness we were giving to authentic love, and putting Christ at the center of our relationship. We didn't want to make our engagement and wedding planning about ourselves and all the fancy things, but the fact that the Lord has called us to go outside of ourselves, and lay down our lives for the other in the sacrament of Matrimony. 

Annie and Kelvin will be married on October 7th, 2017 at the same church where they met.

Photography: Soulshine Creative | Proposal - Saint Jude Catholic Church, Tequesta, FL | Betrothal Ceremony - Cathedral of Saint Ignatius Loyola, Palm Beach Gardens, FL | Ring: JARED The Galleria of Jewelry

5 Bridesmaids' Retailers Outside the Bridal Salon Box

There is something radiantly, visibly evident and set apart at the nuptial Mass of a holy, pure-hearted couple, one who understands and embraces taking up the crosses and sweetnesses of marriage. Authentic love has the power to render wedding guests speechless and full of true joy.

When you’ve chosen women of faith and selflessness to stand beside you at the altar, you can be sure their spiritual intercession and ability to enter into your joy will bless your marriage. Being able to share in a friend’s emotional state so deeply is a mark of real friendship and intimacy that tangibly enhances the beauty of a couple’s wedding day.

Elizabeth M Photography

It follows that when it comes to your bridesmaids’ attire, you’ll most likely desire an outward look that magnifies and highlights each woman’s inner beauty. If you’re beginning your search for dresses, we’d like to suggest a few paths less traveled.

Here’s a semi-secret of the wedding industry: bridesmaids’ dresses get a significant markup at bridal shops. Fortunately, alternatives to traditional bridal retailers not only offer an opportunity to save your best ladies some cash, but one to find attire that truly suits your style.  Here, five non-bridal brands with wide and beautiful selections, with plenty under $100:

For everyone: Nordstrom Juniors

As a department store, Nordstrom naturally has pieces to suit any taste, including youthful, elegant Juniors’ formal wear, as well as simpler day and evening dresses, at far lower prices than the designer-heavy Women’s department, and in a wide range of sizes.

If your style is bohemian: Francesca’s Collections

Maybe you’ve shopped here before or have browsed Francesca’s at the mall. The feminine, delicate styles here would fit right in at a casually romantic daytime wedding: lace, embroidery, and a selection of soft colors. They also carry gorgeous jewelry and accessories for your bridesmaids...and for you, the bride!

If you love styles with a nod to the past: Shabby Apple

Featuring different collections that each invoke a particular time and place--Old Hollywood, for instance, or tailored Mad Men-style silhouettes--Shabby Apple’s beautiful dresses have a vintage sensibility that’s never costumey or overdone, just pretty. The company recently expanded from its origins as a small business, maintaining along the way its inspiring mission to dress women with feminine strength “Because they are beautiful. Because they are powerful. Because they have unique distinctions. Because they can use that power and beauty to shape and change the world in individual ways. Because they have always contributed.”

If you like the classics: Dorothy Perkins

The Dorothy Perkins brand might best be described as Red-era Taylor Swift : a little bit classic, a little bit preppy, lots of florals, looks good with red lips. This online retailer offers dozens of styles with one of the widest size ranges available and also offers maternity versions of their popular dresses, both of which get our applause.

If you’re a minimalist: Zara

You’ve probably shopped here, too. Zara’s neutral palette and elegant, spare silhouettes are worth a look if you’ve chosen dark wedding colors (particularly black) and are drawn to a clean, simple aesthetic. Alternatively, their distinctively bold, bright floral patterns would be well-suited to a daytime celebration.

If your wedding is months away, consider shopping for dresses during or right after the season in which your big day will take place. That is, look around for summer wedding dresses in the summer, and winter wedding dresses in the winter; since most non-bridal retailers don’t offer the same selections or types of clothes year-round, it’s smart to plan ahead. Consider these suggestions a starting point for venturing beyond the bridal salon, and if you’ve found beautiful wedding party attire from a less conventional retailer, be sure to share it with our community in the comments or on our social media!

Navigating Emotional Intimacy During Engagement

STEPHANIE CALIS

People laugh when he tells them, but the anxiety my husband felt the night he proposed to me, lying awake in my parents basement and wondering, What exactly did we just commit to? was genuine. With a ring on my finger after only a year of friendship that included eight months of dating, our relationship was graced with so many moments of clarity, wonder, and certainty from the Holy Spirit prior to our engagement. There was zero doubt in our minds that our lives’ vocations were to lead each other to heaven in marriage. But simply because such little time had passed, so much of who we were remained a mystery to one another.

We knew each other’s lives and stories in broad strokes, but not all of the more subtle memories and experiences that naturally come to light over a longer period of friendship. We’d watched an episode of The Office on one of our first dates, where I’d tried to minimize my laughter during the more inappropriate moments (if I’d been brave enough to glance over, I would've seen him doing the same thing). So far, we’d pretty much kept all potentially embarrassing bodily functions to ourselves. The questions hung in the air, circling through my husband’s mind that night--an instance he recognizes in hindsight as a spiritual attack: how deeply did we really know each other? Enough to promise and step forward toward a real life together? When would it be okay to reveal our less polite weaknesses and, moreover, our deepest faults?

Regardless of whether your fiancé is someone you’ve known for years or if, like me, you’ve only been in each other’s lives for a short time, these questions of knowledge and emotional intimacy might have arisen in your own heart. As you navigate the first weeks and months of engagement and their accompanying sense of gravity and deeper permanence in your relationship (particularly if you’ve chosen to have a betrothal ceremony), you might notice there’s a real, yet undefinable difference between dating and engagement that goes beyond just wedding plans. To the surprise of this girl who loves the challenge of finding the right word for the right moment and right feeling, I wished so often to be able to easily identify what set our engagement apart into a simple word or two, yet it wasn’t so easy to do that.

In turn, I encourage you not to rush to name or identify exactly what that difference is in your own relationship. Instead, press into total trust and surrender in the Father’s will for the two of you, at this particular time. But, knowing something new about your relationship is distinct from knowing something new about the man you’ll marry. These months of preparation, with their inherent nature of more time spent together, increased decision-making, and formal marriage prep, are a time of deeper self-knowledge and self-revelation. Here, a few points to consider in letting your emotional intimacy develop naturally as you and your beloved prepare to approach the altar.

Even on your busiest days, spend time in quality conversation.

Engaged couples are frequently advised to keep their marriage in mind, not just their wedding days. I encourage you to take this wisdom a step further: rather than solely looking to the future, be mindful of a sense of presence in your right-now, particularly in your everyday conversation. Discovering something new about a loved one is one of the human heart’s greatest delights. Set apart periodic dates to take the night off from wedding talk, challenge each other to tell a story the other has never heard before, or flip through a question and answer book like 101 Conversation Starters for Couples by Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages.

Be at peace with topics you don’t see eye-to-eye on.

I vividly remember one late-night trip from my parents’ house back to my apartment in another city, the whole drive of which my husband and I spent on the phone, arguing about capitalism. Spirited debates like this one, involving some degree of passion and obstinacy but that don’t flip your world on its axis, don’t mean you’re incompatible, just that you are, in fact, two unique persons with distinctive viewpoints. As for issues that do directly affect your relationship and life together--for me, the avenue my husband and I will choose for our children’s education comes to mind--know that it’s alright to table certain topics until they’re more relevant to the season you’re in. And, perhaps like me, you’ll be surprised to find down the road that viewpoints the two of you previously differed on might have become more similar with time.

Be prudent, yet vulnerable, in revealing more of yourselves.

Part of what makes love so intoxicating is the joy of being seen, known, understood. It’s natural that as you and your beloved draw closer to the sacrament of marriage, the desire to know and be known only increases. While it’s important to share things like long-time sins or other concerns that could affect your marriage in a healthy way--i.e. in a way that isn’t done simply for the sake of growing closer, but for the sake of honesty, accountability, and calling one another on--it’s equally important to trust in your spouse-to-be’s love for you. Imperfection is our reality, but with God’s help, total forgiveness, acceptance, and encouragement are possible. Self-revelatory conversations like these often come up naturally, but if there’s a particular issue one of you intentionally desires to keep hidden, a deeper wound might need addressing. Seek pastoral or professional help in bringing up this matter with your intended. Admitting your weakness is so scary, but strengthens your marriage even before it starts. On that note…

Consider counseling or therapy as a supplement to your marriage prep.

If, in your past, one or both of you has experienced issues like abuse, mental health troubles, addictions, or destructive behavior, rest in knowing the Father’s mercy and healing never, ever run dry, even when healing is painful. Issues like these can greatly benefit from therapy or counseling as you prepare for marriage; find Associate Editor Christina Dehan Jaloway’s advice on and experience with pre-marital counseling here.

Above all else as your emotional bond deepens during engagement, remember that regardless of how well you know the smallest details and intricacies of your beloved, love remains a choice. During our marriage prep, our mentor couple told my husband and I that it’s impossible to ever fully know another person’s soul. They’re right, and that’s not a bad thing! What a gift we’re given in marriage to continually glimpse the reality of another, as he is, more fully, and to accept God’s invitation to love as he does.

Images by Red Fern Photography.

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Emily + Aaron | College Memories Wedding

Aaron and Emily met in college, and after developing a solid friendship--through daily Mass, involvement in campus ministry, and Facebook messenger--they both began to desire a dating relationship. As they began their sophomore year, Emily knew that she was in love with Aaron. To her delight and surprise, the feeling was mutual. One evening shortly thereafter, Emily and Aaron began dating after praying together in the campus chapel. "It was in that moment that I knew this man was going to be my husband someday," Emily recalls. Three years later, Aaron proposed in the same chapel where they began dating, and the chapel where they eventually married. 

From the Bride: Our wedding was all about details: From draping my First Communion rosary through my bouquet and Aaron wearing cufflinks I’d given him during our first year to carefully selected Mass readings, and ditching cake for an ice cream sundae bar at the reception (and having cake pops as favors), our personality was stamped on everything. Instead of floral centerpieces, I put together four 3-sided picture frames for each table that had photos of Aaron and me during our childhood with the people sitting at the table. Watching everyone pass them around the table throughout the reception and reminisce was a scene I will always treasure.

One of my favorite parts of wedding planning (and one that all of the guests are still talking about!) was writing individual notes to each guest on the inside of his or her place card. Everyone still asks me how I had the time to write all of those notes by hand, but for me, it was the most calming and rewarding part of the whole planning process. In the midst of chaos, I had the opportunity to take a moment and think of each person attending our wedding in a deeply personal way.

One challenge I faced during the planning was struggling to word the section in our program on reception of Communion. We were going to have several non-Catholic family members and friends in attendance, and I realized that our wedding may be the one time in our entire lives that we could truly evangelize to our loved ones. 

With that idea in mind, I started writing, and what had originally begun as a sentence or two about who could receive Communion turned into a double-sided insert in our wedding program that talked about the Mass, the symbolism behind exchanging rings, the importance of the readings, why Catholics have to get married in a church, and offering flowers to Mary in a lighthearted tone that reflected our wedding style while also offering us a chance to lovingly share our faith with our family and friends.

Our wedding day brought about an uncharacteristic calm in me. I’d always imagined myself pacing up and down the house on the morning of my wedding, freaking out about last minute details and getting cold feet, but instead I slept in, went to confession, and prepared for the day with peace and joy in my heart. 

Instead of renting limousines, I has asked my parents to drive me to the chapel in our blue minivan, the same one they’d brought me to the school in for the first time. As is characteristic for Aaron and me, there was a torrential downpour by the time we arrived, but the rain only rattled my nerves for a moment before I regained a reigning sense of peace.

Our wedding Mass was beautiful and flew by in a whirlwind of emotions. My former pastor celebrated the Mass and offered a beautiful reflection on God’s presence in our relationship. At the end of the homily, I suddenly realized with a jolt the moment I’d been waiting all my life for was here, and it felt like the whole rest of the room melted away and it was just Aaron, me, and God. The best part was getting to giddily whisper “We’re married!” to Aaron afterward.

God’s extra wedding present to us was stopping the rain after Mass, allowing us to take pictures with the picturesque Hudson River in the background.

All my life, people had always told me that my parents’ wedding was the best they’d ever attended because of its simplicity and fun atmosphere. I had always desired that sort of wedding, so hearing everyone tell me that ours was the best wedding they’ve ever attended made me so proud. Despite all of my planning and worries, God made the day even better than I could have imagined, and we feel so grateful to have begun our marriage with such a blessed day.

Emily's Spiritual Takeaway: I saw God working through our wedding because everyone there was truly the best version of themselves. Aaron and I marveled as normally straight-laced family members partied on the dance floor and old friends smiled for the first time in years. Months later, everyone is still talking about how amazing it was and how ours was the best wedding they’ve ever been to. I believe that Aaron’s and my genuine love for one another and joy to finally be married simply spilled over to everyone else. Which leads me to believe that our mission as a couple did not end on our wedding day. Our marriage is not just about us; as we witnessed on our wedding day, the way we interact as a couple and love one another affects those around us for the better. After our wedding, I realized that, when I married Aaron, I not only signed up to work on getting him to heaven, but also took on the task of getting others to heaven through him. 

Photography: Newman Photos and E-Von Photography | Church: Founders Chapel-Mount Saint Mary College| Reception - Poughkeepsie Grand Hotel | Wedding Dress, Bridesmaids' Dresses, Veil, and Accessories: David's Bridal| Bride's Shoes: Elegant Park | Groom and Groomsmen's Tuxes: Men's Wearhouse | DJ: Soundsational Party | Flowers: Lucille's Floral | Videographer: Best of Times Video | Rings: Kinston Fine Jewelry and Michael's Jewelers | Cake Pops: Busy Bee Cake Pops

Editors' Picks | Vol. 8: Honeymoon Essentials

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

In honor of our own Social Media Coordinator Elise Crawford Gallagher’s very recent nuptials, we’re sharing our favorite travel essentials for a romantic getaway as Elise takes this month to relax and soak in her first days of newlywed life with her new husband, Hunter!

Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Board & Card Games: I was so blessed to have one of my bridesmaids and best friends hand me a “honeymoon gift bag” the day of my wedding. She packed lots of yummy snacks, some coconut oil, and card games. After a crazy few weeks leading up to the wedding, Hunter and I had fun spending some downtime just playing games and relaxing.

Travel Bag: One of my favorite delights of wedding planning was receiving unexpected gifts in the mail! While I mostly kept my registry items to things we need for our new home, I decided on a whim to add this overnight bag to my Anthropologie registry. I felt so spoiled and special when one of our family friends sent it to me! I was nice to receive something just for myself and to remember our honeymoon by. Hunter was gifted this duffel bag and loves it as well.

Charger Roll-Up: It’s so simple, but this roll-up pack can help keep your chargers and wires organized during your busy travels. I hate having to dig around in my purse and luggage to find my chargers. This way, you can charge your phone as soon as you get to your hotel room!

A Shared Book: Although Hunter and I didn’t plan enough ahead to do this on our own honeymoon, I think it would be so romantic to read a book together while traveling. It could be nonfiction, or a piece of theology you’ve been meaning to read. You can take turns reading to one another out loud, and you'll forever remember that book as the one you read together on your special trip.

Jiza, Creative Director and Co-Founder

Simple Cleansing Facial Wipes: We all know skincare is super important, but when you are traveling, the change of environment and/or eating out can wreak havoc on your skin. I always bring along gentle cleansing facial wipes for the ease of packing, particularly this brand since it's also free of dyes, artificial perfumes, or harsh irritants that can further upset your skin.

Yelp App: I heavily depend on Yelp ratings and reviews every time we go anywhere new. Particularly if you love discovering and supporting local small businesses, this is a great app to have on hand. On occasion, businesses will also offer deals and special savings to “unlock” when you go check them out.

Packing Cubes: Sharing a suitcase? Packing cubes are a nice way to keep things separate and organized. They minimize having to dig around in your suitcase just to find that one sock or elusive bathing suit bottom, and I also like that that the cubes keep you accountable with not overpacking.

Mesh Bag: This is for dirty laundry, because you will definitely have some by the end of your trip! Toss in your used clothes each day for the ease of washing them once you return home.

Andi, Business Director

Scott’s Cheap Flights: Daily emails for this service are free, or you can opt for premium service for $39 a year. In a nutshell, Scott's researches travel deals and shares the best finds and how to get them. If you’re planning to travel internationally in the next year, this one is a must!

Bobbi Brown Blush: I don’t wear a ton of makeup, but this blush is my daily staple. It helps in making you look alive after hours of travel to your destination!

Mass Times: My family uses this app whenever we are more than 20 miles from home and need to find a Mass. It’s never let us down, even with international travel.

Quart-Sized Baggies: I realize that this probably the least romantic thing to pack, but hear me out. Our family likes to bring home little treasures from wherever we visit. We currently collect a sand from every beach we visit for our sand jar, for instance, and on a recent hike, my kids brought home an insane amount of quartz. These mementos are such a sweet reminder of our travels, and you’ll need something sturdy to take home heftier items like sand and rocks. Other practical uses: TSA lets you take one of these with liquids on a plane, good for holding wet laundry, packing up leftovers, and keeping small things like undies and socks organized in your suitcase.

Christina, Associate Editor

All-purpose wipes: My husband Kristian and I honeymooned in a less developed country--Nicaragua--and did quite a bit of exploring. It was so nice having these wipes on hand for less-than-optimal bathroom situations, cleaning our hands before eating picnic lunches, etc.

Here Maps App: If you’re honeymooning in a foreign country and don’t want to purchase an international data plan, this app is a lifesaver. Kristian used it the whole time we were in Nicaragua to help us navigate to our various destinations--and it never steered us wrong! You can download an accurate map of any city/country that you plan on visiting before you get there, and it uses your phone’s GPS (which doesn’t need internet or data to operate) to give you directions.

Rental Car Insurance: This tip comes from my husband, who learned the hard way that paying for the full insurance package when renting a car abroad can save a significant amount of time and money. We honeymooned during the windy season in Nicaragua--and I mean windy! While we were en route to our resort, a giant tree branch blew straight into our windshield, cracking and splintering it. After we recovered from the shock (and said a prayer of gratitude that the branch didn’t come through the windshield and kill us), we realized our honeymoon had just gotten a lot more expensive.
 

Stephanie, Editor in Chief and Co-Founder

Journal: If you don’t already have a shared journal like Elise and Hunter do, your first trip as a married couple is the perfect occasion to start a space for recording your travel memories and, later, everyday ones and notes to each other. These handsome leather versions have space for your new, shared monogram.

Zomato App: For me, one of the best parts of traveling is enjoying special meals and off-the-beaten-path spots--on our honeymoon in Wilmington, North Carolina, my husband and I had the most fried, most delicious Southern food you can imagine at a tiny local buffet with melamine plates and checkered vinyl tablecloths, on a recommendation from a grocery store cashier! Zomato is a restaurant recommendation database that allows you to search for food by city, cuisine, meal, price range, and more, alongside reviews, contact info, and booking options--perfect for narrowing down dozens of options in a new-to-you city.

Multitasking makeup: Particularly if you’re headed somewhere beachy, a minimalist beauty look in bronzy or shimmery shades can mirror an inner sense of contentment, relaxation, and little fuss. This dual-ended stick from MAC for eyes, cheeks, and lips cuts down on the need to pack multiple products, has the added benefit of being non-spillable, and the coppery shade would flatter a range of complexions.

Kimono-style wrap: For layering over dresses, as a poolside cover-up, and for lounging in your room, a flowy wrap is pretty and versatile. If you can’t tell, I love the challenge of packing items that serve more than one use!

We love making new discoveries through you. Be sure to share your most romantic, practical, or pretty essentials for travel in the comments or on our social media!

Vendor Spotlight | Soul Creations Photography

Sinikka Rohrer, owner of Soul Creations Photography, is a new bride herself, and it shows. Scroll through her website and Instagram and you'll find insightful, faithful reflections on the beauty--and trials--of engagement and marriage, words that rejoice both in triumph and in suffering, knowing that every experience in a couple's life together is an opportunity to draw near to Christ. Sinikka's near-daily reflections speak to the prayerful relationship she shares with her husband, Alan, and can serve as devotionals for brides-to-be and newlyweds.

This heart for the sacrament of marriage is reflected in Soul Creations's client experience: Sinikka is a firm believer in both practical and spiritual support for her couples, happy not just to answer logistical wedding-day questions but to intercede in prayer for her clients. Her goal is to capture their testimonies and unique beauty through her images, and to encourage a lifetime, not just a wedding day, of solid faith, hope, and love.

Soul Creations is rooted Sinikka's longtime love of photography and the skill and passion that developed during an underwater photo internship in South Africa. Over the next four years, she worked various roles in the industry, but prayer brought her to a desire to glorify the Lord in her work. A wedding photography business--and ministry--was born, with a unique focus on walking alongside couples as they prepare for a union with God at the center.

From Sinikka: I absolutely love encouraging women, being blessed by each sacred moment of a wedding day, and helping others as much as I can. In addition to the spiritual aspect of the SC Experience, there is a practical aspect. I care deeply that the day that two are married is as seamless as possible. This is because the more I can help you with timelines, posing, expertise and the know-how I have on weddings, the less stressful your day is.

Jesus' eye [inspires my work]. I can't describe it any better than that. Before each wedding, I ask that he help me see what he sees.

See more of Sinikka's work in Becca and Kyle's Mediterranean-inspired styled shoot, a rustic, ethereal affair inspired by the wedding traditions of the Holy Land. You can also read her reflections on engagement here.

SOUL CREATIONS PHOTOGRAPHY | Website | Facebook | Instagram

How He Asked | Caty + Ryan

Though Caty and Ryan were in the same program at Franciscan University and shared mutual friends, Caty wasn’t even aware Ryan knew her name until he called to her from across a lobby, months later. As they spent the following semester abroad, she became determined to crack the shell of the mysterious, intelligent, curly-haired man with a sarcastic sense of humor. In London that semester, and on into the following academic year, their friendship grew. Both began wondering, cautiously, if they were meant to be something more.

Their first date was less than perfect, leading to the conclusion that Caty and Ryan were only meant to be friends. In the months to come, they spent their time attending daily Mass and praying together, bonding over their shared loves of philosophy, poetry, and food, and even discerning the consecrated life and the priesthood, respectively. The Holy Spirit had other plans.

In Ryan’s words: I had always wanted the woman I married to be my best friend. There came a point when I nearly gave up on that idea. Whether from my discernment of the priesthood or a loss of optimism, I didn’t think I would find that sort of relationship. In Caty, I had felt like I had finally found a true best friend, with whom I ultimately found myself discerning marriage.

In Caty’s words: Even as I prayed about a life of consecrated virginity, the reality of Ryan persisted in my heart despite all inner and outer turmoil. One evening, after studying for a comprehensive exam for our program, we confessed a mutual desire for a relationship. Knowing we were only months away from graduation, he and I resolved to spend time in prayer before making a decision.

On a rainy Holy Thursday, Ryan asked if I would “put out into the deep” with him and be his girlfriend. The question, which was spontaneous on his end, caught me off-guard. But the answer was already present within me: a Yes, one foreshadowing another Yes to come.

It wasn’t until Ryan and I started dating that I felt a true desire for marriage. Even though I had dated seriously in the past, suddenly marriage--not just as an abstract, but in the concrete--was something I wanted, despite my fears. Subconsciously, I was certain Ryan was the man I was called to marry.

A few weeks before we started dating, I had asked him, point-blank, “You know that if we start dating, this may end in marriage, right?” Very solemnly, he replied, “Yes, I know.”

That comment stuck with me through every month of our relationship, especially when things were less than perfect. By the time we talked seriously about marriage, deep down I couldn’t wait to enter into a covenant with this man.

Ryan: About five months into our relationship, I had realized that Caty was the one I would spend my life with. Despite a difficult long-distance summer, our love had grown stronger. It took some time for us to be on the same page, yet we were eventually able to talk seriously about marriage. Those conversations ultimately led to talks with each of our parents about my intentions. My parents were very excited, and not surprised. Caty’s father could not say yes fast enough. I was glad to have their support.

We also spent time looking at rings together, which was truly helpful, for I would have been like a lost sheep otherwise. I found a local jewelry shop and a ring that would be perfect for Caty. When it came to choosing a proposal date, there wasn’t much of a question: our first anniversary.

I enlisted Caty’s friends in my plan to surprise her that Lent. I asked her friend to make plans to attend Stations of the Cross at the Franciscan Monastery of the Holy Land in America. That morning, I took an early flight to D.C. to make it to the Monastery. I’d put in extra effort to convince Caty that it was a normal Friday, with plans for a Skype date that evening. I spent the cold, rainy morning searching the city for flowers, hoping to find a dozen red roses for our 12 months together. Although I was miserably cold and nervous, there was still a joy that I felt, excited to ask my best friend to marry me.

Caty’s friend’s is a photographer whom I asked to help us capture the moment. He took me to the Monastery, where there is a beautiful Marian Grotto dedicated to Our Lady of Lourdes, to whom we both have a great devotion. We were set to consecrate our relationship to Mary on the following day. As I arrived in my suit and the bow tie Caty had given me, waiting for the conclusion of Stations was the hardest part.

I waited in anticipation hidden by the Fifth Station: Simon of Cyrene helps Jesus to carry his cross. It felt fitting, for Caty and I will spend our lives helping each other carry our own crosses.

Caty and her friend began approaching the grotto.

Caty: I was so busy admiring the beauty of the grotto that my friend had to guide me down the right path to where Ryan had been waiting. It wasn’t until I made it down the first set of stairs that I saw Ryan standing there, calm and dapper, holding a bouquet of red roses. Nearly paralyzed with joy (and shock!), it took a moment for me to collect myself before I could walk over to my beloved. Laughter and questions tumbled out of my gaping mouth: “What are you doing here? Weren’t you supposed to be teaching today?” A proposal wasn’t yet on my radar at that point; I thought he’d shown up as a surprise for our anniversary. I embraced and kissed him, altogether unaware of the superabundance of his plans.

Ryan: Knowing I would struggle to get out the words coherently, I had prepared and practiced what I would say. Taking both of Caty’s hands in mine, I talked about our relationship and how far we had come, telling her of my desire to spend my life getting her to heaven and growing in my love for her. I expressed how I want to entrust myself to her, knowing she will do the same for my path to heaven.

As I opened the ring box, I was inspired by a mutual love of ours, Karol Wojtyla’s The Jeweler’s Shop. Taking words from the play, I asked Caty, “Would you like to become forever my life’s companion?” Overcome with surprise and joy, she replied with a resounding yes! I took the ring from the box and placed on its new home, my love’s left hand. As Christ is the foundation of our relationship, we walked over to a statue of St. Ann holding Our Lady, placing our relationship and engagement under their protection.

Caty: Our relationship has taken on two consistent themes: “Put out into the deep” and “Jesus, I trust in You.” While we were discerning the possibility of dating, Ryan one day revealed to me the one prayer that had become a constant for him: Jezu, ufam tobie. Jesus, I trust in You.

Being engaged and preparing for marriage doesn’t automatically make you or your future spouse perfect. Saying a wholehearted yes to your vocation doesn’t magically eradicate weakness, anxiety, or fear. But the reality of Christ working in our hearts is so much deeper than any fears I may have. Wedding planning has forced me to find refuge in the Sacred and Immaculate Hearts of Jesus and Mary, as well as the Most Chaste Heart of St. Joseph. I am learning continually not to “lean on my own understanding” and instead to rely on the providence of God, who has time and again surprised me. Saying yes to him sometimes involves sacrifice, but when it’s offered with love, it becomes a yoke that is sweet and light.

When the glow of newly engaged and newly married life wears off, I know two things will remain: our friendship and, more importantly, our commitment to Christ.

Ryan is a man who is, above all, committed to following Jesus and his Church. He is committed to loving me as Christ loves the Church. He is a strong and patient spiritual leader, continually challenging me in my prayer life.

This is the path of sanctification that Jesus has called us to. We will not be perfect in this life, but through His grace, we will reach the heavenly wedding banquet together. Above all, I know Ryan will be a true life’s companion on our journey to heaven.

Photography: Dominick Tardogno | Engagement Location: Franciscan Monastery of the Holy Land in America | Ring: Maria's Fine Jewelry, Worcester, MA

Our Home is a Place of Transition.

ANDI COMPTON

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast.

The only time I get to sneak a peek at Traditional Home magazine, my favorite, is while I wait for the dentist. I love getting to quietly flip through and see how different designers reinvent traditional homes with modern flair, juxtaposing things like wild fabrics with clean lines and classic design elements.

But each of those photos only captures a moment in time, and it is so hard for me not to compare the constant chaos of my home to the sleek pictures in the magazine.

When we moved into our home I was 5 months pregnant with our first daughter. It was quiet, just the two of us. I painted the bedrooms and organized our things at my normal 100-miles-an-hour pace. And then our baby came when the majority of the house was still only halfway painted. I got a huge reality check: things were no longer going to happen as quickly as I wanted.

Projects that used to take a couple of days stretched into two to three months. More kids came, and so did more stuff. Then that stuff had to go, because it was cluttering our home. The cycle just went on and on, until one day, nine years later, I realized that our home is a place of transition.

It’s not meant to be a perfect snapshot. I was rooted in vanity and fear that no one would love me or want to spend time in my home if it didn’t have the right kind of flooring, a separate playroom for the kids, or a backyard playset. And I had to ask God for forgiveness, forgive myself, and let it go.

As our family grows and our children get older, I want our home to be a joyful, welcoming place where friends and family can relax together. Here are three ways we are working towards a home that is not a picture perfect snapshot, but feels comfortable for everyone:

Buy less.

As an avid shopper this one has been really difficult for me, but cutting down on the amount of physical items that come into our house has made a world of difference. Leave the item in your Amazon cart for a few days and see if you can live without it. Don’t just shop because you have a coupon (guilty!). This one does get harder as children get added to the family because more people does mean more stuff, but clutter can still be minimized. Capsule wardrobes have helped us reduce the amount of clothing we need to one giant closet for six people!

Declutter.  

Easier said than done, but I have noticed that when the house doesn’t feel full of stuff, I feel more peaceful and not as worried about our home. In our house, what that  looks like is sorting and getting rid of mail as soon it comes, letting the kids keep a relatively small amount of toys, and constantly getting rid of clothes that don’t fit well and items we no longer use. And I’m serious about the constantly part: my bedroom always has a few boxes to sort things we no longer use into a donation box or bags for different friends who can use kid supplies.

Buy high-quality items.

This goes along buying less. In cutting down on purchases, we’ve also found buying higher quality products does make a difference. While it initially costs more, we spend less having to constantly replace items. For example, we invested in four quality knives when we got married. One decade and several at-home sharpening sessions later, they’re still in excellent condition and we have no need to purchase any more.

Your home and your family are constantly changing. Don’t give into the lie that having a picture-perfect life will bring you happiness. We have to rightly order people over things, practice detachment from material goods, and remember that our homes here on earth are not our eternal homes. And I’m right there alongside you, striving to fight these temptations every day.

---

About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | PINTEREST

A Catholic Approach to Fitness for Brides with Personal Trainer Jordan Fiske

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

In our current wedding culture, many brides feel pressured to go on extreme diets or sign up for boot camp in order to look a certain way or fit a particular style of dress. Not surprisingly, this pressure can cause undue stress during an already stressful time in a woman's life, and may lead to physical and emotional health issues. If you're currently feeling this pressure, or know a bride-to-be who is, Jordan Fiske, a certified personal trainer and founder of Catholic Fitness Training, can help reframe your fitness goals in a healthy, Christ-centered way. I recently had the opportunity to interview Jordan, and I think what he has to share will bless and encourage all women in their health and fitness journeys. 

What inspired you to start Catholic Fitness Training?

My inspiration to start Catholic Fitness Training began as my wife and I were preparing for marriage in November of 2016. My goal was to be more fit and lose some weight before the wedding. Each time I would run, I would pray the Jesus prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." Over time, I grew to look forward to this time of not just exercise, but prayer as well. I have also grown to love St. Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body over the last couple of years. St. John Paul II's case for the value and meaning of the human body, which is made in the image and likeness of God, has me convinced that we should treat our bodies as gifts from God.

As a certified Personal Trainer since 2011, I know how common exercise relapse is, especially when setting a short term goal like getting fit for a wedding, vacation, or bathing suit season. Once the event or season is over, it's easy to fall back into our old ways in terms of nutrition and fitness. With Catholic Fitness Training, I want to encourage Catholics to find lifelong motivation to care for their bodies and look beyond those short term goals.

For many Americans, fitness is more about achieving a certain "look" than it is about health. Do you think Catholics ought to approach fitness differently than the wider culture? If so, how?

If Catholics don't approach fitness differently than our culture does, then we are failing our culture. A cursory look at many of the top fitness Instagram accounts reveals an exercise culture that is obsessed with the ability to wear as little clothing as possible--regardless of the damage that may be done to both body and soul. Our culture sets an unrealistic and often extremely unhealthy standard for what it means to be fit.

I would encourage everyone looking to achieve a certain look to go beyond the surface and strive for the interior benefits of nutrition and exercise. A good workout regimen has numerous physiological benefits, such as improvement of mood, increase in energy, and a stronger immune system. When exercise is sustained over a long period of time, these benefits are often more dramatic. These benefits of exercise, in my opinion, are far more important than the visible changes in body composition.

On a spiritual level, consistent exercise and healthy eating can help us develop the kind of discipline we need for other areas of life, including prayer.  

What would you tell a bride-to-be who is anxious about the number on the scale as her wedding approaches, and might be tempted to do a fad diet or over-exert herself with a workout routine she's not ready for?

My advice to a bride-to-be is if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. The reality is being healthy and achieving your fitness goals takes hard work and time. Start several months prior to your wedding, and make sure your regimen is a balance of cardio and resistance exercises.  

Remember: muscle weighs more than fat, so don't worry about the numbers on a scale. If you want to weigh yourself, I recommend limiting weigh-ins to once a week; a healthy number of pounds to lose is typically .5 - 2 pounds per week. Don't buy into the latest trends advertising anything different, because they aren't healthy or sustainable; these are just money-making schemes and are not healthy or effective.  

A note on strength training: many women mistakenly believe that lifting weights will make them "look like a man." This is simply false. It would take years of intense training (along with hormonal supplements) for the average woman to get bulky from weight lifting.

What advice do you have for women who would like to be in better shape and improve their health but don't know where to start?

Getting in better shape and improving your health is 80% behavior and 20% head knowledge. Below are five steps to help change your behavior: 

1. Download the My Fitness Pal app (it's free!). This app will help you track your diet, exercise, and manage your caloric expenditure.

2. Create SMART goals related to fitness and nutrition and write them down in a location that you will see every day.

3. Be accountable. Whether you check in with a personal trainer, workout partner, or exercise community, accountability is crucial to keep you motivated. Catholics are all called to communion with each other, so it is always good to have someone informed about your goals to help keep you motivated.

4. Just go for it. It doesn't matter if you can only jog for 5 minutes or do 3 push-ups your first time exercising, just keep on increasing your work form the prior day. Don't let yourself or anyone else discourage you from your goals.

5. Offer each workout as a prayer. We all know the phrase "offer it up," which is a reference to Colossians 1:24. If you offer your workout as a prayer for a particular intention, you can tap into the benefits of Christ's redemptive suffering. 

What's your #1 spiritual takeaway from your work as a personal trainer?

The body is so much more than physiological processes; it is sacramental. In one of St. John Paul II's addresses on the Theology of the Body, he states that, "The sacrament or sacramentality- in the most general sense of this term- intersects with the body and presupposes the 'theology of the body'... In some way, therefore- even if in the most general way, the body enters in to the definition of sacrament, which is 'a visible sign of an invisible reality,' namely, of the spiritual, transcendent, and divine reality."

Jordan Fiske is an online and in-person trainer who is a certified Supervised Personal Trainer and Group Trainer. He teaches a wide variety of fitness classes, including kettlebell, athletic conditioning, and bootcamps. He's also a graduate student in theology at John Paul the Great Catholic University. For more information about Jordan's ministry at Catholic Fitness Training, daily motivation, or articles on the intersection between faith and fitness, head to their website, Instagram, or Facebook page. 

Elisabeth + Salvador | Central American Destination Wedding

Elisabeth and Salvador's first meeting was straight out of a romantic comedy. They were both using the same language-learning website: Elisabeth wanted to learn Spanish and Salvador, who is from El Salvador, wanted to learn English. After connecting online, they developed a friendship that eventually led to an in-person meeting in Elisabeth's home state of California. "The day we met, we knew we were soulmates," says Elisabeth. "He asked me out the next day, and we were engaged seven months later."  After months of long distance engagement, the couple were married in El Salvador on August 13, 2016. 

In Elisabeth's words: Our wedding was simple yet beautiful. We were married in the rural parish that my husband's grandfather helped build. It was dedicated to and named for Our Lady of Guadalupe. The readings were chosen with care, as we wanted them to reflect our relationship. The second reading, 1 Corinthians 13: 1- 8, has always one of my favorite passages of Scripture, so I was happy we could include it in our wedding Mass.

Since we were married in El Salvador, during our ceremony, we made sure to do the traditional lasso cord as a symbol of our unity for life. We also exchanged arras (coins), which is also a tradition at Salvadoran weddings.

My dress was a lace and tulle mermaid-style dress, with elegant detailing at the top. I fell in love with the dress the moment I laid eyes on it, as it was unlike any other dress I had seen.

Our reception was across the street from the church at my husband's family hacienda. Delicious Latin food was served and we danced to "At Last" by Celine Dion to celebrate that the wait and distance was finally over!  A huge downpour of rain and thunder came and went during the middle of our reception - typical weather in El Salvador! It was a most blessed and unforgettable day.

Elisabeth's spiritual takeaway: When you put Christ at the center of your relationship, it will show through on your wedding day.

Photography: Rorellana Photography  | Church: Our Lady of Guadalupe, El Salvador | Reception - Groom's Family Home |  Wedding Dress & Shoes: David's Bridal