The Posture of Preparation

ADELAE ZAMBON

 

We dream about it as a little girl: our wedding; that encounter with our groom. We wonder who he will be; what the day will be like.

Once we’ve met him and a word of commitment to forever is exchanged, we prepare for that long-awaited day. We ready ourselves for our groom.

As months, weeks, days, and hours pass and lead us closer to the moment we meet him as his bride, we meticulously choose colors, centerpieces, flowers, a wedding dress, our bridal garments; we adorn ourselves with hairpieces, earrings, the special ring, a sweet scent; we clean our bodies and our souls for the Sacrament, entering into the covenant. Attentive to every detail, we ready ourselves.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, we walk through another preparatory season, one set aside to recall and celebrate Christ’s first Advent, His coming to us in His nativity. Yet, it is also a time to meditate on His promise to return, that He will come again. For that second Advent, we are summoned to be ready.

What does it mean “to be ready?”

At its foundation, it means living a life of prayer and frequenting the Sacraments; remaining in a state of grace and perpetual detachment of this world, our souls en garde for the next. It looks like living intimacy with Christ as our hopeful hearts anticipate Him.

It also means maintaining a posture of readiness in all that we do, perhaps even in our vocation. 

Through the language of the body, what we actively set in motion can impact our spiritual disposition. 

When we open our hands with receptivity in prayer; when we genuflect or bow down; when we physically seek out Jesus in Church, these physical gestures have the ability to translate to the openness of our soul to the Lord.

What if this is true in our homes as we live in preparation for our Bridegroom, Jesus? What if, as we practice readiness, service and hospitality towards our spouse, our “bridegroom of the present,” we prepare ourselves for Love Himself to return?

What if the posture of bridal anticipation and receptivity in expectation of Christ, our Bridegroom can manifest and can form and mold our hearts in the way we await, greet and serve our husbands in the home?

The childlike heart of my son has taught me much about looking forward to the arrival of his father. His first words when he wakes from his nap are most often, “wait for Dada?” He knows his father will be back after a long day at work and he wants to be there, outside, on the curb to greet him.

Through the beautiful witness of this little one’s pure love, my husband’s homecoming is truly celebrated after great expectation. Now, it is the highlight of our day. When he returns, we meet him with the depths of enthusiasm and joy of being reunited with the one we missed during his absence.

This has brought me to reflect upon meeting Jesus when He comes back for us. Am I ardently perched on the stoop of my heart yearning to encounter Him? 

We can choose to make every greeting with our spouse a prayer for our readiness to greet Christ Himself. We can pray for our spouse’s encounter at that time with his Lord. And we can pause to reflect in this routine or “commonplace” moment with awe upon the inconceivably greater joy it will be when it is our Lord we are reunited with.

In a similar way, as we set the table, prepare a meal, tidy the house, furnish the homespace, our gestures of hospitality and service can serve our growth in intimacy with Our Lord. In Theology of the Home by Carrie Gress and Noelle Mering, readers are introduced to the idea that the interior of our domestic churches, our homes, is meant to draw those who come within to a reflection of their Eternal Home. 

Our domestic church sanctuaries are meant to bring us into encounter with the Divine like walking into our parish sanctuary.

The daily, mundane tasks can become a prayer and the posture we hold as we go about them can cultivate within us a lamp that is lit for the visit Christ will pay us one day.

Growing up, preparing for my own father’s return home after a work day, we would tidy the home, help prepare the evening meal and try to create an environment of calm, warmth and hospitality despite the rowdy, energy of eight young ones running about. 

Vividly, I recall my mom explaining she must “prepare her home for her king;” this is how she saw making a home for my dad. I have taken this to heart in serving my own king of the home, who I have been called to serve. Each motion serves as a reminder of how I want my external and internal space to be when Jesus knocks on my door. I want my abode to be ready to welcome him.

Readiness for Christ requires us to ready our soul. The Sacraments cultivate spiritual receptivity. They heal us and call us into union with Him through the grace we are given there. Prayer without ceasing keeps us aware and attuned to HIS movements - where is He, where is He calling us and when is He coming for us. 

Ultimately, too, this intimacy with Christ is the catalyst for intimacy between a husband and wife. And our marital union here foreshadows and forms us for the heavenly union with our Bridegroom. We are His bride. On Him, we wait. For us, He shall come. Make haste, light your lamp.


About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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What Married Couples Can Learn from the Rhythms of Religious Communities

ERIN BUCHMANN

 

Growing up, I was confident my vocation was to the religious life. As a teenager and young adult, I visited a variety of convents and talked with many, many religious sisters. In time God revealed my calling to marriage, but those early encounters with the monastic lifestyle opened my eyes to its richness, depth, and sublime beauty.

PHOTOGRAPHY: COLETTE M. PHOTOGRAPHY

Although marriage and the religious life are very different vocations in many ways, there are several practices broadly characteristic of monasticism which a couple can incorporate into their family life. Here are a few of the practices that have proven fruitful (and achievable!) in my marriage.

Set a schedule

The monastic life is grounded upon and centered by the Liturgy of the Hours. With their days hinged upon Lauds in the morning and Vespers in the evening, all the religious’ other prayers and works fall into their allocated, proper places.

Having a shared schedule, with times for prayer, family meals, work, and recreation, can give refreshing order to a family’s day too. A certain degree of flexibility here is okay and even necessary in our lay vocation, but having a schedule can help us live intentionally and prioritize the things that are truly important in our day.

My husband and I try to keep our routines in sync by getting up in the morning and going to bed at night together. A cornerstone in our day is the 30 minutes or so each evening when we pray the daily readings and the rosary together. Many weekends we try to do something outdoors as a family, like a hike or a bike ride. Holding this framework in common provides the added benefit of drawing us both into the same room of our home multiple times a day. Conversation and connection come easily when we’re both brushing our teeth or setting the table in anticipation of a shared bedtime or meal!

Pray, together and alone

One of the things that surprised me most about prayer post-marriage is how much it, like everything else in my life, became an “us” activity rather than a “me” activity. Praying together as a couple is so key to a healthy marriage, but taking time to be alone with God is indispensable too.

Even religious communities, whose members spend so much time in communal prayer, often still have certain devotions that are prayed alone. In some communities this is a daily rosary, in others it is the stations of the cross. Members are expected to set aside time apart from their other prayers and work to practice this devotion in a way and at a time of day that they personally find particularly suitable. While one religious might prefer to say her rosary during a walk through the garden, another might find that being alone in her cell or in the chapel while she prays draws her mind and heart most fully to God.

Similarly, husbands and wives need not be afraid to cultivate their personal relationships with God, in ways they individually find fruitful. It is okay if these ways are different between spouses!

I find that praying with the psalms orients my heart more properly to God, so I try to pray Lauds each morning. My husband likes to reflect upon the life and heart of his patron saint, St. Joseph, as he works and sacrifices to provide for our family. Although these are devotions we pursue individually, we can usually tell when the other hasn’t been praying well! Our personal relationships with God really do affect every aspect of our shared life.

Observe the evangelical counsels

Poverty, chastity and obedience each have their place in a marriage. Although couples are not bound through public profession to follow these counsels in their fullness, as many religious are, observing the evangelical counsels in a manner appropriate to the married vocation is nevertheless an excellent way in which spouses can grow to imitate Christ more fully.

The ways in which a married couple lives out the evangelical counsels will look very different from the ways in which a religious does. Yet, in their striving to love purely, the spouses find a model in Christ’s chastity. By acknowledging that everything they receive comes from God and should not be clung to but instead given generously, they emulate His poverty. In seeking to follow God’s will in all things, they recall His obedience.

Related: How Couples Can Embrace Gospel Poverty

Keep silence

Many religious communities observe “grand silence” following Compline, the final communal prayer of the day. Silence extends until Matins, the first communal prayer of the next morning. As its name suggests, there is no talking permitted in the community during these night hours—it’s a time for the religious to rest alone with God.

A much-scaled-back version of grand silence can also be practiced in marriage. My husband and I have found devoting an hour or so in the evenings to electronics-free connection time to be enormously beneficial to our relationship. During this time we might pray or read together, work on a puzzle or play a game, or just talk and cuddle. The key is that this is a time for us to simply be together, without outside distraction. It’s a time for us to reconnect with each other and with God before turning in for the night.

Read more: 3 Simple Ways to Reduce Screens in Your New Marriage

Spouses are certainly not called to observe all the rigors and devotions characteristic of a monastery. As St. Frances of Rome, herself a wife and mother, said, “A married woman must often leave God at the altar to find him in her household care.” Since the ultimate goal of a life lived in any vocation is union with God, however, married couples can look to the monastic lifestyle for inspiration and encouragement as they seek to cultivate a home life that honors God and makes Him known to the world.


About the Author: Erin Buchmann hails from the lake country of central Minnesota. Her spiritual role models include St. Teresa of Avila, St. Edith Stein, St. Catherine of Siena and, of course, Our Lady. She and her husband are the parents of two little miracles.

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Experiencing the Paschal Mystery in Marriage | A Holy Week Roundup

After forty days of Lent, we now find ourselves in the midst of Holy Week, readying ourselves for the solemn remembrance of the Passion and Death of Christ before His triumphant Resurrection. 

As we approach the Easter Vigil, the greatest liturgical celebration in the Church, we at Spoken Bride want to help you cling tightly to the cross in your marriage and fully embrace the joy of the Resurrected Christ. 

Here are our favorite pieces from the archives on liturgical living as a couple, Holy Week reflections, and tips for living in the joy of the Resurrection.

Editors Share | Advent + Christmas Traditions in Marriage

The Advent and Christmas seasons in the Church are rich in tradition and customs and every family has their own unique ways of celebrating and observing these liturgical seasons. 

Today, members of the Spoken Bride team share some of the holiday traditions they brought into their marriages and the new traditions they are cultivating with their husbands and children. 

Jessica Jones, Contributing Writer

This year, my husband and I are trying to remember Advent as a time of prayer by incorporating the Rosary together into our lives more frequently! Can’t say we’ve been super successful, but hey, we’re trying! We plan also to steal a friend’s tradition of putting the tree up on Saint Nicholas Day. 

Most of our other ideas so far are food related: we want to do the Feast of the Seven Fishes on Christmas Eve (a tradition I’d like to resurrect from my Italian side) before Midnight Mass, and we’ll make my family’s traditional lasagna for Christmas dinner. I also may try to make a pitta ‘mpigliata, a Calabrian Christmas pastry that my relatives used to make.

 

Andi Compton, Co-Founder & Business Director

I brought zero Advent traditions into our marriage, I didn’t even start going to Christmas Mass until we were engaged because I didn’t realize it was a Holy Day of Obligation.  I grew up celebrating Noche Buena on Christmas Eve and having a low key Christmas Day.

Now on Advent evenings we dim the lights, sing a verse of “O Come O Come Emmanuel” while we light the candles on the Advent wreath, say a little prayer, and then read the scripture for our Jesse Tree ornament. 

Stockings are filled for St. Nicholas Day, one of our daughters dresses up for St. Lucy’s day and makes hot cocoa (this is usually when we put up outdoor lights), and we have Mexican food for the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. 

We usually do a family gathering on the 24th, then Christmas morning Mass followed by presents and brunch. No present opening until after Mass! Then Los Reyes bring oranges for their shoes and little trinkets on Epiphany. There’s also some Elf on the Shelf thrown in there (we’re up to three elves!)

 

Catherine Boizelle, Community Manager

I brought the classic tradition of praying and lighting candles on the advent wreath daily—my husband is a convert so this is all new to him! This year we’ve chosen Blessed is She’s advent devotional Maranatha and have been getting up early to pray with our morning coffee at the kitchen table. While not really a tradition, we are trying to attend daily mass together twice a week as well. 

 

Stephanie Calis, Founder and Editor in Chief

My husband and I have prayed the St Andrew novena for the past 6 or 7 years during Advent, and it is truly amazing to see the big things the Lord can do when we come to him and to Our Lady in complete humility and confidence. More recently, we’ve started having candlelight dinners during the Advent season, which has been really special for our kids. And we always listen to the same album, Bebo Norman’s Christmas from the Realms of Glory, on our drive to Christmas Eve with extended family. The opening song signals the start of Christmas for us—I highly recommend choosing a particular album or playlist as a foundation for your own family’s season!

 

Dominika Ramos, Contributing Writer

I came into marriage with so many ideas and have had to tone down my enthusiasm after the reality (exhaustion) of kids hit me. We light the advent wreath at dinner, or more often breakfast with the kids on weekdays. 

We put shoes out for oranges and chocolate coins from St. Nicholas on December 6th which is something I grew up with, but I've added the kids getting a Christmas book from St. Nicholas to add to our collection every year. This year I ordered St. Nicholas postcards to write the kids notes from St. Nicholas a la Tolkien letters from Father Christmas style. We'll see if I keep it up.

This year I'm having the kids memorize a poem and carol to share with our family and as a gift for baby Jesus on Christmas day. I'm trying really hard to find a way to avoid the focus of Christmas morning being just the stuff.

My sister usually makes a crazy good seven fish stew for Christmas Eve. We listen to Sufjan Stevens “O Holy Night” and Benjamin Britten's “Ceremony of Carols” on the way to midnight Mass. 

Our whole family comes over Christmas morning and I make biscuits and gravy and my sister brings to-die-for coffee iced cinnamon rolls. Then we go over to my parents in the evening for a traditional Slovak dinner.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year | Holiday Roundup

With the start of the holiday season less than a week away, we at Spoken Bride want to help you fully and joyfully enter into this meaningful time of year. 

Here are our favorite pieces from the archives on liturgical living, Christmas weddings, creating traditions with your spouse, and more. 

Liturgical Living + Advent

Cooking Through the Liturgical Year | Liturgical Living ideas | Creating Advent traditions in your marriage and family | Creating Holiday Traditions as a Couple| Engagement as a “Little Advent” |A reflection on waiting and anticipation, and their surprising fruits during engagement | Waiting in Joyful Hope | Meditations on Our Lady’s Immaculate Conception, celebrated December 8 | Thoughts on embracing seasons of preparation. 

Relationship Health During the Holiday Season

5 Tips for balancing family, social events, and time as a couple during the holidays | How to Decide Whose Family to Visit for the Holidays| Distinctively Catholic ideas for celebrating the Christmas season with your beloved | How to avoid fights about money | Spiritual Tuneups for Couples | The Habit of Affirmation | How to Apologize

Hosting and Gift-Giving

5 Creative gift ideas for newlyweds | 4 Winter Hospitality Ideas | Editors Share their Strategies for Giving Gifts to their Spouses | Gifts, Prints, and Digital Downloads from the Spoken Bride Shop | Prayer Books for Brides | Stewardship in Marriage

Holiday Weddings

Maria and Patrick’s Rustic Christmastide Georgia Wedding | Sally Ann and Alex’s Wintery Texas Garden Wedding | Mary-Kate and Faris’ Emerald Christmastide Manor Wedding | Spoken Bride Features Editor Mariah Maza shares the story of her Christmas Octave wedding and tips for planning your own | Claire and Andrew’s blue and silver wedding in a Tennessee cathedral, celebrated on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception | Bridget and KC’s Christmas Octave wedding, filled with symbolism and intention and inspired by Pier Giorgio Frassati | Natasha and Tim’s Minnesota New Year’s wedding, centered on family and community--down to the bride’s vintage gown | Emily and Daniël’s Praise and Worship-filled Christmas season wedding | Christina and Kristian’s Austin wedding, with holiday colors and Christmas hymns | Genevieve and Dalton’s festive celebration at Rock ‘N Bowl | Caroline and Matt’s elegant cathedral wedding, rich with family heritage | Kaitlyn and John’s New Year’s wedding in blue, gold, and white | Becca and Phil’s Christmas picnic wedding

Making a Home

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

 

Before I got married, I never thought much about making my dwelling place feel like a home. 

PHOTOGRAPHY:  NICOLE CLAREY PHOTOGRAPHY, C/O ASHLEY EILEEN FLORAL DESIGN

PHOTOGRAPHY: NICOLE CLAREY PHOTOGRAPHY, C/O ASHLEY EILEEN FLORAL DESIGN

Throughout college and graduate school and my first year of teaching, my dorm rooms and apartments were just places for me to put my stuff during the school year; there were several places that I never even hung pictures on the wall, since I spent most summers back at my parents’ home.

But when my fiance and I found the apartment that would be our first home together just months before our wedding, I started to think more about what I wanted our home to be like. 

He moved in immediately and, in the weeks after our wedding as I unpacked my boxes in my new home, I realized that I didn’t want to just consolidate our possessions. I wanted our house to feel like a home, and with my husband furiously writing his dissertation before his funding ended, it was up to me to make it feel homey.

Related: Home as a Place of Transition.

I had a vision: a home that was cozy and inviting, full of books, laughter, and love. I wanted to create a home that welcomed my husband back at the end of the day, a place where we could invite our friends and that, one day, our children would want to invite their friends to visit.

I wanted to create a home like the Marches’ in Little Women, where the lonely neighbor boy looks at the window for a glimpse of family life, or Bag-End from The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, where there was always plenty of food and drink and coziness. 

I also had no idea how to execute that vision.

After almost six years of marriage, I’m much closer to having the kind of home that I dreamed about as a new bride. I’m not completely there yet, but here are some of the resources I’ve found that have helped me make our various dwelling places home.

Creating your Vision

If you’re looking for inspiration for your vision of home, Haley Stewart’s The Grace of Enough: Pursuing Less and Living More in a Throwaway Culture is an excellent read. 

Stewart shares the story of her family’s year in a tiny house on a sustainable farm and how that helped them to live more simply and intentionally. The book includes discussion questions at the end to help you figure out how to apply the virtues discussed in the circumstances to which God has called you.

Related: Finding Heaven in a One-Bedroom Apartment

Housekeeping

My husband and I started our marriage with different ideas of what a clean house meant; he was much more laid-back than I was, and I couldn’t see how he could stand to live somewhere that wasn’t immaculate at all times. Eventually, I realized I was trying to create a house museum and not a home, and we’ve settled into a routine that gives us a reasonably clean home most of the time. 

While there are lots of routines available on the internet, I like to have a good reference book handy, such as Cheryl Mendelson’s Home Comforts: The Art & Science of Keeping House.

Home Comforts is not a small book, but it is incredibly useful because, as the preface states, “This book contains practical how-to-do-it material on many of these subjects [meeting people’s needs], for both novices and those experienced in keeping house, and, because keeping house is a labor of love, it devotes space to its meanings as well as to its methods.” 

Every couple will have their own preferences about the division of labor, but keeping love at the forefront is essential.

Decorating

Interior decorating has never been a great skill of mine. I always want to have a nicely decorated, cozy home, but whenever I get the decorating urge, I tend to get overwhelmed, either by Pinterest or the number of aisles at Home Goods. 

Enter Myquillyn Smith, author of The Nesting Place, Cozy Minimalist Home, and Welcome Home. After we bought a house last year, I devoured her first two books and I’m slowly making my way through Welcome Home, her newest release from this past summer.

I have found these books especially useful because Smith teaches her readers how to embrace the imperfections of their spaces and budgets while still creating a home they love. 

Our home isn’t anywhere close to being fully decorated, but I’m learning to take my time, use Pinterest wisely and in a way that doesn’t lead to envy or overwhelm, and be creative in my pursuit to have a home that works for life with a toddler and a puppy, but also allows us to entertain when we’re able.


About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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Finding your Family's Mission

CARISSA PLUTA

 

When we were newly married, a more seasoned couple offered us advice on creating a family mission statement. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURA AND MATTHEW

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURA AND MATTHEW

Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People writes: “A family mission statement is a combined, unified expression from all family members of what your family is all about — what it is you really want to do and be — and the principles you choose to govern your family life.”

We followed their advice, asked questions, spent some time in prayer, and carefully crafted a mission statement that we recall daily in our work and prayer even now four and a half years later. 

The effects of a family mission statement on our marriage and home life have been profound. 

Forming a family mission statement helped my husband and I sort out our priorities, make decisions, and see more clearly who God was calling us to be as a couple, as a family, and as Christians. 

It grounds us in our identities as a daughter and son of God, unites us, and orders our life toward heaven. 

Read more: How to Create, and  Live By, a Family Mission + Motto

We began the process of creating a family mission statement by asking ourselves several questions:

What are our strengths? 

Take some time to determine your gifts and talents, both as individuals and as a family. Maybe it's hospitality or maybe it's a heart for serving others in your community. 

God has given each of us qualities, talents, and virtues to build up His kingdom both in our homes and in the world. What has He blessed you with and how do you think He wants you to use them for His glory?

What do we value? 

Values are the principles that give our lives meaning and help us in making decisions. Make a list of the values that are at the core of your family. 

This isn’t the time to be idealistic. Focus on those values and principles that truly resonate and inspire every member of your family, not what you think you’re “supposed” to value.

How do we imagine our family in 10+ years?

A mission statement is meant to help you grow and succeed, but to do that you have to have your goals in mind when you write one. 

What does our home look like? What are our dreams? What are some adjectives we would like people to use to describe us and our home? What kind of relationships do we want to have with one another?

Discuss how you might cultivate the soil now for those hopes to flourish in the future.

It’s never too late (or too early) to write your own mission statement and it even makes a great date night activity. 

Surrender the notion that the first draft has to be perfect; just like your family will grow and change over the years, so too can your mission statement.

Answering these questions can help you come to a better understanding of who you are and who God made you to be, and writing a family mission statement can give you the tools to get there.


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Editors Share | At-Home Date Nights

Planning a date night is a wonderful way to reconnect and spend some quality time with your spouse or fiance. And especially in this time of pandemic, at-home date nights have become more important than ever. 

Today, members of the Spoken Bride team share their favorite date ideas for a night in. 

Main image

Main image

Andi Compton, Director of Business Development

CIRCLE HEADSHOT Andi.jpg

Exercise together. We put in a workout or go on a run/bike ride. 

 

Maria Luetkemeyer, Twitter Manager

We get take-out sushi, then sit in the living room and pray the rosary aloud, reading the Scriptures from the corresponding mysteries between. Then we play Scrabble or watch a movie from an ongoing list we have of movies we’ve never seen before.

 

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

My husband and I loving playing a geeky board game together! Think a fantasy-kill-all-the-monsters-complete-the-quest type of game. This is usually paired with a couple of mixed drinks he makes with his bartender set—it’s one of his hobbies. 

After that, we’ll end the night reading out loud to each other (our current read is Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring) or watch the next episode of Merlin, a BBC show based on the legends of King Arthur. 

 

Jessica Jones, Contributing Writer

Pat and I have been learning to cook together--we make a recipe from Julia Child, Alison Roman (Nothing Fancy), or Deb Perelman (of Smitten Kitchen fame), and see if we can pull off making something we’ve never done before! And there must be at least one bottle of wine involved. 

For those who are budget conscious, it’s a great way to make new dishes that are both relatively simple to cook, inexpensive, and unique. 

 

Dominika Ramos, Contributing Writer

We do choose-your-own-adventure board games. We also read aloud or memorize poems together. We used to live right next door to a Trader Joe’s and would try new snacks from there every Friday night. 

 

Emily Brown, Podcast Manager

We love playing Trivial pursuit, swimming together, and doing rosary walks on the beach (we live five minutes away). We’ve also taken to watching movies we haven’t seen before and discussing afterwards.

 

Corinne Gannotti, Contributing Writer

Lately we’ve been ordering takeout from local spots, then just talking for a while and playing the ever classic Mario Kart for some racing duels. 

 

Rhady Taveras, Vendor Coordinator and Newsletter Manager

We live in Downtown Philadelphia and our building has a rooftop with a beautiful view of the city. We’ve often gone up there to do the rosary, and lately we’ve been going up there with our picnic blanket and a bottle of wine to play a card game called Skip-Bo. Winner usually gets breakfast in bed the next day. 

 

Lenten Hospitality Ideas for Couples

CARISSA PLUTA

 

The upcoming liturgical season of Lent invites the faithful to pursue holiness with a greater intention.

The Church suggests committing to acts of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving and within those areas, there are many ways you and your spouse can intentionally enter into this season together. 

If you and your spouse are looking for a unique way to observe the Lenten Season, you might consider cultivating the virtue of hospitality in your homes in a special way over the next forty days. 

Share a meatless meal

Sharing a meal with another person is one of the more obvious ways to practice hospitality. However, with fasting and abstinence in the mix, sharing a meal during Lent may seem like fruitless endeavor. 

True hospitality doesn’t require an extravagant meal, and even the simplest dish can make others feel loved and honored. 

Invite some friends to join you for pizza, fish, soup, or another simple meatless dish on a Friday. 

Start a Lenten Book Study

Prayer is a necessary part of a fruitful Lent and many people opt to include some spiritual reading into their daily routine. 

If you want to dive into a spiritual book during this Lenten season, consider starting a Lenten Book Study. 

You and your spouse can invite some friends or other members from the parish to join you in reading and discussing the book. You might even consider opening your home to host the meetings to give the others a cozy space to learn and grow. 

There are several books that would make good reads specifically for couples during this Lenten season.

Related: More recommended reading for couples


Get to know your parish’s catchehumans

Your parish may have several new people (and families) who are preparing to enter the Church at this year’s Easter Vigil. 

Catchehumans might not know too many other parishioners other than the people they see at RCIA and this can make it difficult for them to feel like they are truly a part of the parish community. 

Make a point to introduce yourselves and to make them feel welcomed in the Church. Invite them out for coffee or over to your home for that meatless meal. You may even want to invite other parishioners to join you so they can also get acquainted with these soon-to-be Catholics. 

Give up your phone

Phones can make practicing true hospitality very difficult. Notifications from text messages and social media often prevent us from giving others our full attention. 

Obviously, we can’t just give up our phones for all forty days but consider sacrificing your phone when you are spending time with other people, including your spouse. 

Keep it in your bag or pocket when you’re grabbing coffee, or keep it in another room during dinner. Rid yourselves of distractions and allow yourselves to be fully present with the people you are with.


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Newlywed Life | Yours, Mine and Ours: Sharing Ownership of Belongings Reveals a Shared Life

STEPHANIE FRIES

 

For me and my husband, moving into our first house was a bit unorthodox. Two weeks after our wedding, we moved to Japan and into a hotel on a military base. Two weeks after hotel-living, we were granted access to our new home with temporary furniture. Two weeks after residing in a home together, my husband was sent off on his first deployment. Two weeks after he deployed, our shipment of household goods arrived for me to unpack and organize. 

I felt a tension of emotion in this experience. On the one hand, I was saddened that I could not share this time with my husband, especially because I was opening many wedding gifts for the first time. On the other hand, I could turn up the music and take my time nesting into our new home, preparing it as a gift for his highly anticipated homecoming! 

With every emptied box, our separate contributions were combined within our home. Our extra bedroom, which became an office, was the most visual representation of this new shared ownership of our marriage. His and her pens came together in one jar. His and her book collections came together on one bookshelf. His and her computers were placed on one table. His and her picture frames were displayed in one gallery wall. 

“What’s mine is yours” became really real. With great joy, I realized I married into the three-part Jason Bourne movie series! And with great humility, I relinquished complete possession to my own personal closet and bathroom storage. 

The tangible experience of bringing our things into one home reveals a new shared life. It is simple—almost common sense—but it is profound. Only in marriage are two hearts bound together in an eternal, covenantal union. The environment of our first shared home is the visual representation of this truth. 

Now, one year into marriage, I look in our kitchen and see the heart of our home. I look at our bookshelf and see our growing collection of hobbies, travel guides, and conversations. I look into our original office and I see our first baby’s nursery--the most abundant representation of the union of our love, in a new life. 

Just as our hearts and minds have grown more intimately together through the experiences of our first year of marriage, our home has flourished into a place of complete shared ownership. 

Even more, the home is a place for rest, hospitality, sorrow, joy, relationships, and growth. What realities, what truths, are made visible through the environment of the home and through your experience of sharing ownership with your spouse? 

If you are considering living with a significant other before marriage, consider what it means that the visible reality of your home miscommunicates the the invisible reality of your vocation; though your tangible belongings begin to come together, your lives are not covenantally bound until after receiving the sacrament of marriage.

If you are married, in what ways does your home represent and reveal a truth about the growing unity between you and your spouse? 

The fullness of God’s joy is received when our visible lives reveal his image; we reveal him by becoming who he created us to be. May our lives, and our homes, be a platform to reveal the mystery of the free, total, faithful, and fruitful love of marriage.


About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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4 Ways Couples Can Practice Hospitality this Winter

CARISSA PLUTA

 

Practicing hospitality is an act of service that invites others into a deeper relationship with their fellow man and with God. And as John Paul II said above, it should be a habit fostered in our day to day life. 

Married couples can live out this call in a unique way, especially during this time of the year which highlights the warmth and delight that comes with this gift of hospitality. 

Open your home to out of town visitors

Do you have any family or friends coming from out of town this winter? If you have the space, consider offering them a place to stay instead of them staying at a nearby hotel. 

Opening up your home is the most obvious way to practice hospitality, but also one accompanied by the most stress. Let go of the pressure of making your house absolutely perfect before inviting others into it, and focus on creating a space for others to feel welcomed and loved. 

Celebrate one of the many winter feast days

The Church’s liturgical calendar invites the faithful dive deeper into the rich history and traditions of our faith. 

Intentionally living with the liturgical year can easily include friends or family. Earlier this month, for instance, my husband and I invited several friends over for a taco dinner and praying a rosary in honor of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

The winter months have many beautiful feast days and solemnities worth celebrating. You might want to plan a Catholic themed White Elephant/Secret Santa exchange on the Feast of the Epiphany or you can invite other couples over for donuts after mass on the Solemnity of Mary, the Mother of God. 

Get creative! 

Show some love to your neighbors

Communities often experience a willingness to grow in friendship as the holidays approach. So if you’ve been hoping to get to know your neighbors a bit better, take advantage of the warm feelings that accompany this time of year. 

You can deliver a tin of homemade cookies or offer hot chocolate to people as they shovel the snow off their drive- way. 

Taking time to get to know the people that live closest to you can really improve the strength of a community, and fulfills Jesus’ command to love your neighbor. 

Invite friends to pray Vespers or Compline

If you are looking for a strong way to finish out Advent or even a spiritual resolution for the new year, consider praying one of the hours in the Divine Office. 

The Divine Office extends the Liturgy found in the mass into one’s daily life and activities. It fulfills the Lord’s order to, as St Paul’s said in his letter to the Thessalonians, “pray without ceasing.”

You can easily invite other members from your parish or your friends to join you in praying evening prayer (Vespers) or night prayer (Compline) once a week. Make an evening out of it by offering drinks and desserts to enjoy beforehand.


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Newlywed Life | Sharing a Meal is a Sharing of Who You Are.

Rejoicing over her engagement and the anticipation of married life, Saint Gianna Molla wrote in a letter to her husband-to-be, “With the help and blessing of God, we shall do all in our power that our new family may be a little cenacle where Jesus may reign over all affections, desires and actions.”

What is a cenacle? In Latin, the root translates to “Upper Room,” and in Greek, to the name for the first Christian Church. It follows, then, that Gianna hoped she and her beloved Pietro could create a domestic church centered on divine love. 

Consider, too, the Last Supper. The site of Jesus’s final meal with his disciples, wherein he instituted the Eucharist and granted them the instruction to do the same, is known in the Holy Land as the Upper Room or Cenacle.

Read more on creating a sense of peace and routine in your home life.

The disciples did not remain in the upper room; they were sent forth. There is something powerful and profound about breaking bread and then going out into the world, fortified. Though Jesus’s disciples became the first priests, those of us called to married life can embody these same principles of sharing a meal and sending forth, by cultivating hospitality.

The Catholic faith is a sensory one, whose source and summit is the very body and blood of Christ. It is a faith filled with beautiful settings, art, poetry, music, incense, and more; all called to draw our minds and hearts heavenward to the Father--the source of all beauty. When we experience a desire to create a comfortable, beautiful home for ourselves and our guests or to assemble an attractive and delicious meal, we partake in that desire for beauty that inspires and heightens our senses.

Combining food and faith can be Eucharistic--literally, thanksgiving. Read our interview with Emily Stimpson Chapman, author of The Catholic Table.

What’s more, a desire to share and communicate this beauty with others is a natural outpouring of marriage. Authentic love naturally leads to fruitfulness; a desire to exist beyond the spouses. 

This is seen in an obvious way through the gift of children, but also through the gift of hospitality and invitation. Saint John Paul II wrote in Familiaris Consortio, his apostolic exhortation on the family’s role in the world--in the world, not as an island--that “the family has the mission to guard, reveal and communicate love, and this is a living reflection of and a real sharing in God's love for humanity and the love of Christ the Lord for the Church his bride.”  

Inviting friends and family members into your home life for a meal and conversation is intimate and revealing for this very reason; sharing of yourselves at the service of others opens a door and encourages true communion. It feels like no coincidence that in a breaking of bread, there is also a breaking down of walls. 

It’s okay not to have a picture-perfect home. Read more on the home as a place of transition.

If, then, you and your spouse find yourselves eager to foster community and invite others into your domestic church, your cenacle, do it! The fruits of hosting and preparing a meal for guests can communicate something far deeper: a sharing of yourselves.

Any guests or dinner parties on your calendar this month? Cookbook recommendations from the Spoken Bride team:

Paleo Comfort Foods by Julie and Charles Mayfield, recommended by Jiza Zito, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Against All Grain by Danielle Walker, recommended by Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook by Deb Perelman, recommended by Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

Dining In by Alison Roman, recommended by Stephanie Calis, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

Five Ways Catholic Couples Can Practice Hospitality this Fall

CARISSA PLUTA

 

Married couples can offer many unique gifts to their family, friends, and community that are specific to their particular calling, especially the gift of hospitality. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABBEY REZ PHOTOGRAPHY

By creating a home, married couples create a space in which they can invite others in, a space to allow others to receive a taste of the beauty and communion of our heavenly home. 

Couples can practice hospitality in a variety of ways, but if you are looking for some ideas on how to do this in this new Fall season, give one of these a try!

Host a game night

What better way to spend a cozy autumn evening than with a fun game night! 

Game nights are a laid-back and enjoyable way to host old friends or new ones you want to get to know better. You and your spouse might even consider making it a weekly event. 

You can try out a game you’ve never played before, or bust out a well loved party game. You could even ask your board game savvy invitees to bring their favorite game to share with the group. 

Invite local college students for a home-cooked meal

By now, college students may find that they’ve exhausted the dining options on campus and are itching for a home-cooked meal. 

If you know a student or meet them at Sunday or daily mass, take the time to get to know them and then invite them over to share a meal with your family. 

Students will appreciate delicious food, and will also enjoy experiencing life with a family (especially if you have young kids!) 

Pie Tasting

Take this classic Fall treat and make a night out of it. Buy a variety of pies from the grocery store or from your local farmer’s market, and invite your neighbors over for a tasting.

If you wanted to add another layer to this idea, invite your family, friends, or neighbors to partake in a pie baking contest and then vote on a winner. It’s a fun (and delicious) activity everyone can enjoy.

Invite other couples to pray a rosary

The Church has declared October as the month of the Holy Rosary, so there is no better time to light some candles and pray a decade (or five!)

Invite your friends or other couples from your parish over for dinner (or drinks and dessert) and a rosary. You could simply pray it or you could provide some scripture to meditate on in between each decade. 

This idea can help build a community among other Catholic couples and can allow you to build friendships on a strong foundation.

Host an All Hallows Eve party

The night before All Saints Day (October 31st) has long been known as All Hallows Eve. So you and your husband might consider celebrating the communion of saints on Halloween night. 

Invite guests to dress up as their favorite saints or bring a potluck dish that relates to their favorite saint (perhaps Pope Cakes for St. John Paul II or a rose cake for the Little Flower?) You can have a contest for best dressed or prizes for correctly guessing someone else’s chosen saint. 

Get creative in planning this event and encourage your guests to experience the joy the Church (both on Earth and in Heaven) have to offer.


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Stewardship in Marriage

CARISSA PLUTA

 

Time and time again we see in Scripture the call to be good stewards of the spiritual and temporal gifts God has given us.   

Christian stewardship means more than generously sharing our time, talent, and treasure. It means that we “... receive God's gifts gratefully, cultivate them responsibly, share them lovingly in justice with others, and return them with increase to the Lord.”

Stewardship looks differently for each couple, and husbands and wives should take time to pray about and discuss what it means for their particular family during this season of their life. Here are some ideas to get the conversation started: 

Budget prayerfully

When couples create a budget, they generally form it around a particular goal they want to achieve or a vision they have for their lives. For example, paying off student loans, buying a house, or saving for college. 

Creating a budget in this way makes sense, and will help your family use money prudently and intentionally, but consider inviting God into the process. 

Instead of simply asking the question “What do we want to do with our money?” ask God what He wants you to do with it. 

His plan might look a bit different than your plan in the beginning and it will probably require you being more intentional with your finances, so you can make room for the more important things.

Tithe

The idea of tithing goes back to Old Testament days, but it remains an important responsibility of members of the Church today. The Catechism states: “The faithful have the duty of providing for the material needs of the Church, each according to his abilities.”

Traditionally this meant giving 10% of your income, but the Catholic Church does not mandate a specific percentage. However, the spirit of the tithe has remained over the years. We should return the first-fruits of our labor to the one who ultimately gave them to us.  

You can choose to tithe to your local parish, and/or to another Catholic charity. Pray and discuss with your spouse how much you can tithe each month, and where you feel called to donate.

Give from your need

Remember the widow in the gospel of Mark who gave two small coins into the temple treasury? Of her, Jesus said: “This poor widow put in more than all the other contributors to the treasury. For they have all contributed from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty, has contributed all she had, her whole livelihood.” 

Of course we should be prudent with our finances, but too often we use our lack of money or resources as an excuse not to give. 

But true generosity requires sacrifice. It’s easy to be generous with our excess but it takes virtue to give from the little we have. This might look like forgoing our daily cup of coffee from the nearby shop, or inviting people to your home to share the meal you prepared. 

We practice stewardship when we take what we have been given and joyfully share it with others.

Practice gratitude

Stewardship means recognizing that all of the gifts in your life come from God, and involves giving from that gratitude instead of from obligation. 

Take some time each day with your spouse to think about the gifts in your life and thank God for them. 

Recognizing the generosity of God in turn helps you to show generosity to the people you encounter each day. It also helps you find satisfaction with what you have so you can live a more intentional life.


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Marriage Prep | Identifying Sources of Clutter in Your Lives

Are you and your beloved in the season of preparing for marriage?

Just as our very nature as human persons is both material and spiritual, so too is every vocation. The call to marriage has a particularly tangible material element, as you and your fiancé prepare to combine two sets of possessions into a shared life.

Depending on your age, locations, and current situations, you might be living at your family home or with roommates, or one of you might even reside already in the rented or owned space you’ll soon share as husband and wife.

Have family and friends asked why you aren’t yet living together? More here on ways to talk about cohabitation.

Your home together will be your own domestic church; your source of rest and renewal. In our KonMari-friendly culture, there’s freedom in evaluating the physical items that might be hindrances to a beautiful, peaceful living space. As you anticipate and prepare for your first home together, consider evaluating not just the material, but the spiritual and emotional “clutter” you might be carrying. 

Here, questions to discuss with your beloved, intended to help you identify sources of clutter in your lives and determine fruitful ways to minimize or move past them. 

What’s our personal motivation to declutter?

Ridding yourselves of anything weighing you down (whether physical, spiritual, or emotional) prompts you to ask what exactly it is you hope to make room for.

A family mission statement can act as a touchstone and source of grace, clearly stating your hopes for your marriage. Read more about creating your own.

Consider, then, the habits, routines, and leisure the two of you hope to prioritize and pursue in your married life: is it a designated part of each day for prayer? Time to develop a hobby? Hosting and hospitality?

As you identify your hopes for your marriage and your family culture, you’ll grow in motivation to get rid of elements that detract from those hopes--if, for instance, you and your beloved desire a solid prayer routine as a bedrock of your relationship, you might feel more determined to commit to consistency, less phone time, and other distractions. Having a goal helps you remain focused!

What are our actual sources of clutter?

As you take stock of and pack your belongings for your newlywed home, identify physical items that are rarely used, in poor condition, or that you’ve brought with you from place to place “just in case” you’ll one day need them. Recycle, donate, or give items in good condition to a friend.

Consider what emotional and spiritual items you hope to move past, as well. Matters like family boundaries, wounds from past relationships, and mental health issues aren’t eliminated the moment you say your vows, yet taking active steps now toward resolving them in a healthy way will strengthen your relationship, for the remainder of your engagement and on into your marriage.

Have you experienced difficulty in resolving past relationships? More here: Healthy Ways to Talk About You and Your Beloved’s Pasts | The Benefits of Premarital Counseling

Lastly, identify sources of mental clutter in your life: are there areas of planning, scheduling, and priorities in which you could grow? Consider what tools and conversations you and your beloved can implement to keep your expectations and plans on the same page when your social calendar and career responsibilities become a shared effort.

What habits or commitments are drains on our time and goals?

From screens to overscheduling to general aimlessness, it’s easy to feel your time is limited and easily eaten away. And yet, we often choose to do what we really want to do, for better or worse. 

If you sense that there isn’t enough time to pursue the goals you have for your home life, ask—with honesty and charity—what habits distract from your priorities throughout the day and what social involvements might not be an ideal fit for this season of your lives. Talk about ways to support each other in your individual and shared goals, to keep each other accountable, and to use your time fruitfully.

The desire for a beautiful, peaceful home is good; a reflection of our heart’s pull toward our ultimate heavenly home. While entering into marriage doesn’t eliminate all sources of clutter, the effort of dealing with the cluttered areas of your lives brings about a shared, united outlook on your vocation and a sense of deeper freedom. And freedom is for love.

What are the Non-Negotiables in Your Relationship?

STEPHANIE CALIS

 

Do you and your fiancé or spouse ever experience a desire for order and ritual within your relationship?

As someone who resists the feeling of being boxed into any one identity or image, and who struggles with personal accountability in schedules and routines, I used to think living by a set of particular daily practices or principles--in my mind, a set of “rules”--were a limitation.

After seasons of struggling with purpose, intentionality, and motivation, I’ve begun to realize that incorporating an appropriate degree of order into my daily life and my marriage aren’t limiting: in reality, they create a greater sense of freedom.

Freedom, for my husband and I, has felt tangibly, practically real in the experiences of not feeling enslaved to household responsibilities or to self-focused desires. It’s felt like our time can be used well and for the service of each other and our family. Our growth in this area is the fruit of a recent discussion in which we talked about our individual and family priorities; what we deemed “non-negotiables” in our life together.

Read the Spoken Bride team’s experiences with and tips for designating household responsibilities with your spouse. 

The non-negotiables my husband and I identified for our marriage are: family dinner, daily walks together with our children, going to bed at or close to the same time as each other, and providing each other with time alone for prayer (the daily readings, Holy Hours or daily Mass) and renewal throughout the week (for my husband, it’s a weekly hockey league he plays in with his brothers, and for me, it’s time for journaling and running errands on my own).

I encourage you and your beloved to communicate about your own non-negotiables, whether you’re in the state of anticipating your future marriage, whether you’re adjusting to the new habits and closeness of newlywed life, or whether, like me, you’ve been married several years and are eager to refocus on your priorities as a couple. Recognizing one another’s love languages can provide great context for identifying your needs. 

Here, suggested starting points for creating your own list. You might create a list divided into different areas of your life, as cited below, or into daily, weekly, and monthly priorities.

Spiritual

Identify concrete times and ways to pray together. Consider incorporating daily prayers like the Rosary or Liturgy of the Hours, committing to confession, Adoration, and/or daily Mass several times per month, celebrating particular days in the liturgical year, or a establishing a continual practice of reading and discussing the same spiritual book.

Find spiritual reading recommendations--including Theology, literature, and books on love and marriage--here.

Physical

Exercise and physical activity promote discipline and healthy ambition in all areas of your life. If working out--individually or together--is a priority for you, include it in your non-negotiables.

What’s more, in our creation as full persons, body and soul, the physical extends beyond exercise and looks to the relational. Discuss your outlook and needs regarding physical touch with your beloved, and determine ways appropriate to your relationship (whether engaged or married) to express affection. My husband and I, for instance, try to sit down on the couch together to chat and cuddle after our kids go to bed, before we begin our evening chores or leisure. I cherish the time spent reconnecting.

Read reflections on how a regular running habit helped one of our brides prepare emotionally, spiritually, and physically for marriage. 

Service

Are there particular responsibilities and sacrifices you can take on for the good of each other? Particularly for those whose love language is acts of service, daily assistance with chores and, God willing, family life, can be a meaningful non-negotiable that minimizes overwhelm and provides opportunities for sacrificial love. Your non-negotiables list might include matters like a nightly tidying up or making the bed in the morning.

Consider, as well, if service to your community--through weekly or monthly commitments to ministry, corporal works of mercy, volunteer work, or helping family and friends--is a high priority for your relationship.

Leisure

Identify ways you and your beloved can use your free time for both personal renewal and for nurturing your relationship. Depending on your individual temperaments and state in life, leisure preferences can widely vary, and are worth communicating about honestly.

Discuss ways to embrace leisure time in ways that leave the both of you feeling restored and close to one another: consider weekly or monthly date nights, designated times of day where your phones stay in another room, or pursuing shared hobbies.

Tired of the endless Netflix scroll? Read 8 inspired, non-TV ideas for your quality time

Although my husband and I aren’t perfect at meeting our daily, weekly, and monthly non-negotiables, simply having identified and committing to them has brought a deeper sense of purpose, intention, and yes, freedom, to our life, particularly in our season of raising a young family. We’d love to hear yours, as well. Share your non-negotiables (whether official or unofficial) in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.


About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Editors Share | Household Responsibilities

It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love sharing ours with you, as well. Today, the team responds to a reader question about tips for and experiences with determining each spouse’s role in household responsibilities.

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Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

I feel like my husband and I were lucky to fall into a pretty natural pattern. A lot of chores we do are things that either we like to do or that made the most sense for us. My husband Ben loves to cook, and I like doing dishes, so he cooks and I clean up when it’s done. Or he does the grocery shopping while he’s out, and I do laundry, vacuuming, and other general chores when I’m home during the day.




 

Andi Compton, Business Director

We’ve had a lot of trial and error. For money matters, my husband handles the long term (investing, retirement savings), while I handle the short term (designating our monthly spending areas and managing our budget).

We both hate dishes, so we try to do five minutes each and then swap. I do the laundry — which he had to teach me after our honeymoon! — and delegate chores to my husband or our kids as needed. He likes to cook, so he does it whenever he can. I prefer cleaning bathrooms over cooking.

It’s all about what works at the time — having children has made us reevaluate our responsibilities often. Seasons change, for sure.

 

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

Our delegation of household chores reflects the combination of both our values and the logistics of our lives. We prioritize time together, a clean and orderly house, and eating dinner at home on weeknights. Since my husband works long hours and frequently travels for his job and I spend most time at home (with occasional freelance work), I take on most of the domestic responsibilities.

My thought process is if he’s working, I’m also working — even though the responsibilities and “profit” of our work look very different. But to both of our benefit, the work stops when my husband comes home and we can relax together. For matters where collaboration is essential or preferred — such as buying furniture, setting a budget, studying for a work qualification or hosting friends for an evening — we work together to fulfill the tasks at hand.

 

Jiza Zito, Co-Founder & Creative Director

With the travel-heavy nature of my husband’s career, I handle almost everything on the home front. On the same token, he grew up in a very traditional household, and we’ve tended to operate similarly. He does chores if and when I ask; though it might sound patriarchal, it’s the best way we maintain order.

 

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

I do most of our housework, but sometimes my husband will ask if there’s a chore I’d like him to do. Most of the time, it’s the dishes!

I’ve gotten into the habit of spending the first part of every morning picking up from the night before, and I always make the bed (growing up, I almost never made my bed, and now I can’t function without doing it — a quirky grace of marriage).

Last Christmas, my husband gifted me a Bluetooth headset so I could listen to podcasts hands-free while doing chores, which just shows his practical but loving ability to notice the little things.

Our method of divvying up household responsibilities works for us because I am such an organization-oriented personality, and chores can actually function as a stress reliever. To be honest, we never talked much about daily workloads before our wedding day; it just happened like that after getting married. I’m sure once we have kids I’ll need extra help more often, but I remind myself in the meantime that the stereotypical “wife handling most of the housework” is a perfectly okay way to run your household, and it gives me more opportunities to actively serve my spouse and offer little daily tasks to the Lord. After all, picking up each other’s clothes off the floor everyday is a small road to sanctity!

 

Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

I do all of our family’s laundry, and my husband does dishes most of the time--though I’ve been doing them more lately, as that’s a time when my he can spend time with the kids out of the house while I have time to myself. He cooks on evenings when he gets home first — I’m so grateful for his willingness to cook and clean! He is definitely the more organized one of us, so it helps hold me to a better standard.

 

Stephanie Calis, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

Generally, my husband and I each do the chores we mind the least; I usually do laundry, and he usually does dishes. I cook most nights although he’s good at it and doesn’t mind when I ask for a break. He handles most of our financial matters.

I don’t know if we ever formally talked about it, but I’ve always liked that with us, it’s never been about particular roles for each spouse or about refusing to do tasks outside our typical “areas.” Instead, we simply try to do things without complaint and help each other when one of us is unable to do a particular job — we see it as more important that a task gets done than who does it.

Organization is an area where we differ more. I like to try and tidy up often during the day, whereas it’s less a priority for him. I think because I spend more time at home, it’s more important to me to get the mess out of the way. We try to bring up what’s important to us in household matters — clutter, scheduling appointments, grocery shopping — with charity and to give each other the benefit of the doubt when we fall short. Often, we’ve discovered that what seems like a deficiency in the other is actually rooted in a miscommunication of our expectations.

 

Danielle Rother, Pinterest Manager

Splitting up household chores has not always been easy for us, and at other times it has. For example, I enjoy making the bed — plus I’m usually the last one to wake up in the morning — so it makes sense that I take on the responsibility of making the bed everyday. My husband has an easier time using the vacuum to get around furniture and small corners, so that’s a chore he has chosen to do every week for our household. 

While some chores came natural to us at the beginning, there are many chores that have not had the same result and it has caused quite a bit of tension between us, at times. 

For newlyweds household responsibilities can be difficult for many couples to figure out together. After over a year and a half of marriage we are still learning a lot about each other and how to navigate these responsibilities in our daily life — and that’s okay! Communication is a huge part of running a household. I’ve learned whenever there has been a household problem it is usually not about the chore itself, but how one is communicating their expectations to the other in a particular situation. Learning effective communication strategies can make household responsibilities go over more smoothly and it creates the opportunity for you to understand your spouse and their needs better.

Becoming Part of Parish Life

As Catholics, we need community to grow deeper in our relationship with God, and where better to find that community than your local parish?

PHOTOGRAPHY: CLAIRE WATSON

PHOTOGRAPHY: CLAIRE WATSON

Married couples and families offer unique gifts to a parish that can bring a new life to a community.

Here are five tips to help you and your spouse become active members of your parish:

Register at your Parish

While “parish-hopping” has become the norm for most young people today, that is not what we are called to as Catholics.

The 1993 U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops said that parishes “are the heart of our Church.” We need community to help us grow in our faith.

So whether you are attending a new church or the church you grew up in, it is important for couples to register their newly formed family with the parish. By registering with a parish, you are making a formal commitment to the community.

This commitment allows the parish and its ministers to better serve you and further encourages you to serve the needs of that particular community.

Attend a Regular Mass

Especially for families with small children, it is easy to move between parishes to fulfil your Sunday obligation depending on the mass times and your weekend plans.

However, if you really want to become an active member of your community, you should attend mass at your parish every Sunday (at least for a while).

Attending a regular mass at least once a week allows you to further acquaint yourselves with other members of the parish.

Get Involved

Do you have a heart for service? Or a desire to assist with preparations for the liturgy? Are you interested in joining your parish council or the Knights of Columbus?

Parishes often offer ministries in many different areas, so you can do the things you are passionate about while serving the wider parish community. If your parish doesn’t have a ministry you’d like to join, talk to your pastor about how you can get one started.

Start a Bible Study

Starting a Bible study or forming small group is an excellent way to intentionally build up the community among the church members. You might consider starting a group for fellow wives, young adults, or even other couples.

A Bible study can cultivate authentic friendships among the members and strengthen the bonds between them. It also facilitates an encounter with Christ, who can transform the parish for the better.

Open your Home

The creating of a home is calling unique to married couples, the fruit of which can be shared with your parish community.

Invite other couples or regulars at mass over for brunch, or maybe you can have local college students or your parish priests over for a home cooked meal.

Welcoming others into your home not only brings the joy of parish into your domestic church, but also allows your whole family to pour into other members of your community.


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Modeling the Catholic Home in the Monastic Style

CARISSA PLUTA

 

For over 2,000 years men and women have set out for places of seclusion and peace in hopes of finding communion with God. While our vocation to marriage looks vastly different from the call of monks and nuns, we ultimately desire the same end.

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

Most of us can’t pack up our stuff and move our lives to a quiet cabin in the woods, but we can learn so much from our brothers and sisters who live within the monastery walls; many aspects of the monastic life can be modified and applied to the Catholic home in order to help married couples and families grow closer to God.

Create a Rule of Life

Monks lead lives of discipline and order. Each religious order has their own set of precepts called a Rule of Life, which serves as a guide to keep their eyes fixed on God while living in their vocation.

Building a structure that influences your day-to-day is a beneficial practice for every couple and family that will help you and your marriage flourish.

In our vocation of marriage we have duties to our husbands, to our family, to our home, to God, and to ourselves. Having a Rule of Life helps ensure that each of these areas are receiving the attention they need, allowing you to find a deeper peace and a more profound freedom.

Create a Sacred Space

Monks and nuns in a contemplative order will spend much of their lives praying in a place secluded from the rest of the world. For those of us called to the vocation of marriage and family life, that isn’t really possible (nor should it be!)

However, we can create a space in our homes that functions as a “little monastery.”

Your home’s sacred space doesn’t have to be elaborate, it adds a lot of beauty to your home, and setting aside a wall or corner that fosters prayer and contemplation will help you refocus your attention on God.

Pray Daily

Every successful rule of life includes daily prayer, a necessity for anyone striving for holiness. Even incorporating simple daily prayers can bear immense fruit and can easily involve your spouse and your children.

You might consider praying a rosary (or a decade of the rosary) everyday, or take up saying the Liturgy of the Hours. You could also add an Examen to your evening routine, or if possible, go to a daily Mass at a nearby parish.

Cultivate Silence

In the words of monk and author Thomas a Kempis: “In silence and quiet the devout soul advances in virtue and learns the hidden truths of Scripture.”

However, work, kids, and the constant buzzing of our phones and social media apps can make silence difficult to find outside of a monastery. Thankfully, there are many little changes you can make to cultivate silence even on the busiest of days.

You can try limiting your phone usage especially in the morning or before bed. Or you can try waking up before the kids and enjoy your coffee, or turning the radio off on your commute.


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Finding Heaven in a One-Bedroom Apartment

CARISSA PLUTA

 

Throughout engagement my husband and I dreamed of the home we desired to live in—a cozy little home on a nice plot of land. There would be a garden and some chickens and room for our many children to explore. It would be filled with fresh cut flowers and fresh baked bread, and the kettle would never be cold.

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

As I write this I am surrounded by piles of moving boxes preparing to move to our third apartment home in three years of marriage (not to mention the countless places we stayed while we couch-surfed for the first three months of our marriage).

We are city-dwellers and renters. We’ve yet to have a yard, and unless the little flower pot on our patio counts, we haven’t had a garden. We don’t live in a permanent residence, and won’t for at least another year or so.

We still occasionally catch ourselves dreaming about that home we envisioned for our family, but whether or not that dream is ever actualized remains to be seen.

The desire for a place that my husband and I can call our own finds its roots in the Garden. God entrusted the care of a place to the first man and woman.

After the Fall, Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden, and the loss of this place was a reminder of an even greater loss--the loss of unity with God and eternal paradise.

This scene in Genesis teaches a deeper reality contained in the idea of “home.”

Home is a foreshadowing of heaven.

The space you inhabit, big or small, is sacred. And like our first parents, husbands and wives are entrusted with the divine duty of placemaking.

Being made in the image and likeness of the God who made heaven and earth, we are called to be “co-creators” of a little Heaven.

Whether you find yourself in your forever home, a small studio apartment, or a spare room at your in-laws’ house, you are called to cultivate a place of beauty and communion.

Our tiny, one-bedroom apartments have each been filled with just as much life as the farmhouse we once dreamt of.

Between Bible studies and dinner parties, Sunday morning breakfasts and afternoon tea, the lives of so many people have intersected in our little living spaces.

They are often filled with fresh flowers and fresh bread, and usually bursting at the seams with music and laughter.

In them, we have encountered God and his immense love for us, and facilitated that encounter for others.

Even amid changes and transitions, trials and hardships, the little home we created together serves as a constant, unchanging reminder of our eternal home.


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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