How to Decide Whose Family to Visit for the Holidays
/The holidays are just around the corner, so if you haven’t solidified your plans for the occasions now is the time to do so.
Deciding where to spend the holidays can surprisingly cause tension or conflict between newly married or newly engaged couples, especially if their families live far away.
But it doesn’t have to.
Pray about it
Every couple has an idea of what their perfect holiday with their new family would look like. Take your desires to Jesus and ask Him to show you how He wants you and your husband to make the most of the holidays.
Ask Him to help you not get wrapped up in the material elements of the holidays but to always keep the true significance of the holidays alive in your hearts.
Traveling long distances for the holidays often requires some sacrifices, so pray also for the grace to handle it well and approach the holidays with a spirit of peace and joy regardless of how you choose to spend them.
Discuss priorities
Each person enters the marriage with unique holiday traditions that are near to their heart. It’s very difficult (if impossible) for married couples to experience the holidays with their family in the same way they did before they said “I do.”
You and your significant other should discuss your hopes and desires for the holidays and determine your family’s priorities, before talking to either family.
You will want to be united with your spouse before approaching your parents and in-laws.
Take into consideration the time you will have off work and your financial situation and determine realistic goals for the season.
Communicate with your family
Obviously, you will have to communicate your plans to your families. But don’t just call them and tell them what you decided you were going to do. Consider involving them in the conversation.
Give your family the space to feel heard and their wishes respected. If your parents experienced a similar dilemma as newlyweds ask them how they handled it.
You might not be able to please everybody and that’s okay. But discussing with them the rationale in your decision and (reasonably) taking their wishes into account can help ease some of the disappointment.
Continue the conversation
You don’t have to have every holiday for the rest of your marriage figured out in the first year. The conversation may be worth revisiting and revising.
Some couples decide to alternate holidays each year, while others may decide to stick to the original plan year after year.
Either way, allowing for flexibility and change can help prevent bitterness from building up over time and allows couples to stay united and joyful during these special times.
