6 Options for Selling or Donating Your Wedding Gown

Do you have plans for your wedding gown after your walk down the aisle? The choice is a personal one that might include preserving it for a relative, friend, or future daughter, repurposing it into baptism or First Communion pieces for your children--truly a visual representation that the bond established on your wedding day bears spiritual fruit through the years--or giving your dress to other brides, which fosters both sisterhood and a green sensibility.

If you’ve chosen to sell or donate your gown, the options can be overwhelming. Here, our curation of the best organizations the dress donation world has to offer, including some distinctively Catholic resources.

Photography: Juliana Tomlinson Photography

For the ease of online transactions

Preowned Wedding Dresses: This online marketplace, the largest out there for bridal items, boasts 14 years of credibility and facilitates gown and accessory re-sales directly between buyers and sellers. It’s designed to minimize hassle and maximize profit, offering a one-time listing fee with no commission for the site, a dress value calculator, and a conveniently specific search function that makes it easy for your gown to appear in listings.

To give to military couples

Brides Across America: A nonprofit dedicated to military and first responder brides, this organization supports the men and women whose life’s work is our freedom, providing free wedding gowns at their events nationwide. Gowns less than five years old are accepted for consideration.

To support humanitarian causes

Adorned in Grace: This bridal shop and design studio in the Portland, Oregon area accepts wedding dresses five years old and newer, in-store or by mail, to be repurposed or redesigned by at-risk girls in the area, including those who’ve been in the foster care system or have been traficking victims. Rooted in a mission to convey to these young women their dignity, worth, and identity in Christ and to model the love and hope of faith-centered weddings, proceeds from the nonprofit go to design workshops, education, and/or counseling from human traficking survivors.

Brides for Haiti: A project of St. Mary’s parish in the Archdiocese of Washington, the Brides for Haiti program sells secondhand wedding and formal attire. Profits benefit St. Mary’s sister parish, St. Joseph’s, in Carcasse, Haiti, including health, education, and infrastructure initiatives. Volunteers and seamstresses are on-site at events to answer questions and provide information about the cause. Stay informed about calls for donations--in person or by mail--and upcoming sale events via the project’s Facebook page.

The Bridal Garden: Located in the heart of Manhattan, this not-for-profit shop dedicated to education specializes in discounted designer gowns from boutiques and donations. Earnings benefit disadvantaged schools and children in New York City.

To support the Church

Religious life: Our sisters in religious life are every bit the bride, espoused to Christ through their vows. In several orders, including the Colettine Poor Clares, Schoenstatt Sisters of Mary, Franciscan Sisters of the Immaculate, and some Carmelite orders, it’s customary for women to profess their solemn vows in wedding attire. Contact communities in your area directly to discuss the possibility of donating your gown.

Parish resales: Parishes nationwide hold periodic sales of secondhand gowns, with proceeds benefiting the church or diocese. This donation option not only supports the parish community in your area, but encourages shopping locally. To keep up with forthcoming sale events and inquire about making a donation, try subscribing to your diocese’s newspaper, emails, or social media platforms and keeping an eye out in weekly bulletins.

Have you or are you planning to donate your dress? We love hearing about the local and national programs that support other women in their call to marriage, so be sure to share what additional means of donating you’ve employed in the comments and on our social media.

Abigail + Joe | Notre Dame Basilica Wedding

Abby and Joe had been Spanish classmates, co-retreat planners, and even sat with friends at the same table for meals, never speaking, for their first three years at Notre Dame University. It was on a bench in the football stadium that they first officially met and, in Abby’s words, “that we truly saw each other for the first time.” By the end of the game, they both wondered why they’d never talked before.

Early on in their dating relationship, they both knew the Lord was calling them to marriage. They spent a semester apart as Abby studied abroad in London and Joe in Chile, then were reunited for their senior year.

The fall after graduation, they returned to Notre Dame for Abby's birthday, where they headed straight for the campus grotto. It led to their favorite tree, a site of many late-night conversations. There stood a group of their friends, candles in hand. Along the path from the tree to a nearby lake where they first began dating, friends and family were gathered;  at each stop, they read a line from a poem Joe had written for Abby.

Finally, at the final stop at the lake, Joe asked Abby to marry him. Even without any lights, and though Joe forgot which hand the ring goes on, “it was perfect.”

From the Bride: The two years between graduating college and getting married were joyful, but tough. Joe was in a Master’s program that required him to live in community and delayed marriage, so we spent those years long-distance. Since we had a long engagement, we were able to dive into marriage preparation--reading books, praying together, having so much fun dreaming about our future, and continuing to learn about each other and ourselves. We also, however, really struggled to be grateful for this time of preparation in our desire to just be married. Looking back, the distance was incredibly difficult, but through God’s grace it brought us closer to him and to each other.

When envisioning our wedding, the word we kept returning to was joy. We were so excited to be entering into the sacrament of marriage, and we wanted that joy to permeate the day. There were tons of stressful moments (I could never be a wedding planner!), but joyful ones, too: picking out my dress with my mom, designing my ring from my great-grandmother’s wedding band, practicing our vows and first dance, and spending time with our family and best friends at all the pre-wedding festivities.

Joe and I decided to do a first look for a couple of reasons. I thought I would be super nervous, since I don’t like being in front of crowds, I hoped seeing him first would help with that. While, miraculously, I wasn’t a bit nervous, it was incredible to start our wedding day by walking to the church hand in hand.

We wanted to do a Marian devotion, but didn't have time during our ceremony. So we did our first look at the Notre Dame grotto, a place where we have prayed with Mary many, many times--both together and as single people before we met. We left flowers in the hands of Saint Bernadette’s statue: a rose for Saint Therese of Lisieux and a lily for Saint Joseph, two of our favorite saints.

The Mass was our favorite part to plan, and the absolute best part of our wedding day. We were married at the Basilica of the Sacred Heart on Notre Dame’s campus, a church where both of us had come to know Christ’s love during our time at as students. The Mass was full of music, joy, and celebration. During the ceremony, I kept thinking this is what heaven would be like.

We are blessed by friends with musical gifts, and our music was unreal. We had an organ, violin, cello, and a whole choir lifting their voices in prayer. For our preludes we chose “Song of Ruth,” “Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring,” and a Litany of the Saints. Our wedding party walked down the aisle to “Gabriel's Oboe,” and then my dad and I walked to “Arise, My Love.” Our readings were Jeremiah 31:31-34, and 1 John 4:7-12, and our Gospel was John 15:9-12.

We had talked with our friend and celebrant, Fr. Pat, during marriage preparation about how many of our friends and family are not Catholic. He made sure to explain parts of the Mass so everyone was involved. He gave an incredible homily (you can hear a little of it in our wedding video), and laughter filled the Basilica when a giant fly flew on Joe’s face in the middle of our vows.

One of my favorite moments was during the preparation of the gifts. The choir sang “The Servant Song” while we sat and soaked up the reality that we were finally married. We administered communion as our first act as husband and wife, and then exited the church to “O God Beyond All Praising,” our favorite hymn. It was more joyful than we could have ever imagined.

Since we were married in the summer and love the outdoors, we chose the Blue Heron at Blackthorn for our reception venue because it has an outdoor tent attached to the ballroom. I adore flowers, so I gave our florist, Poppies by Polly, and our wedding planner, Belle Behind the Ball, the reins to cover the space in an abundance of flowers. The best moments were the toasts, the dances, and witnessing our friends and family mingle and get to know each other. It was such a gift being surrounded by so much love.

From The Groom: Our wedding Mass was amazing. We just had so much fun. From standing at the altar seeing our favorite church fill with our favorite people, to crying as I alternated between looking at Abby and being overwhelmed with gratitude for God’s love for us, my heart was filled with joy.

Something that stands out to both of us is how often other people have said they felt the same way. Months after our wedding day, friends and family members still bring up moments from the liturgy: everyone crying during the Litany of Saints; three of my groomsmen standing up and belting the psalm, “I Will Praise Your Name”; how close Abby and I continuously tried to sit next to each other during the readings and homily. One of the most common statements we heard upon leaving the church was, “I didn’t know how much fun it could be to be Catholic.”

God visibly worked inside the hearts of others on our wedding day. People felt comfortable picking the brain of our priest at the cocktail hour. A friend who is dating a Catholic woman, but is not Catholic himself, found me during the reception to tell me he was considering having a Catholic wedding ceremony after attending ours.

I share these stories to point to the work that God did on our wedding day. We became a sacrament of God’s love for the world the moment we exchanged our vows. Our Mass, our marriage, is not just for us. It is for everyone who was in the church that day, and everyone we will meet going forward.

To close, our advice would be to worry over the little details. We stressed over a lot of the wedding planning, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what food you eat or what colors you choose. What matters is the sacrament you are entering into. And trust us: when you give him the space to work in you, God will show up and amaze you with his love.

Photography: Soul Creations Photography | Church: The Basilica of Notre Dame, Notre Dame, Indiana | Wedding Reception Venue : Blue Heron at Black Thorn, South Bend, IN | Rings: Diamond Gallery - Hers, Fred Meyers Jewelry - His | Florals: Poppies by Polly | Rentals: Burns Special Event Rentals & Pro Show | Transportation: Royal Excursion | Caterer: Blue Heron at Blackthorn | Bridal Gown: Bridal Gallery in Grand Rapids | Shoes: Nordstrom | Bridesmaids' Attire: Vow to be Chic (https://www.vowtobechic.com/)
Bridesmaids' Gifts: Hatch Prints | Groom's Suit: Louie’s Tux Shop | Groomsmen Gifts: Louie’s Tux Shop | Groomsmen Attire: Louie’s Tux Shop | Cake: C’est La Vie Cakes | Hairstylist: Bethza Professional Makeup Artist Studio | Makeup Artist: Bethza Professional Makeup Artist Studio | Choral Ensemble: Folk Choir of Notre Dame | Cocktail Music: Samantha Kasmer | DJ: 27 Entertainment (https://www.27e.co/) | Coordination: Belle Behind The Ball Wedding & Event Planning, bellebehindtheball.com | Photobooth: EA Pro Music (https://www.eapromusic.com/) | Ice Cream Sundae Bar: American Espresso Catering Co.

The Sophia Series | Annamarie

ANNAMARIE HAMILTON

I met my husband Kevin in college. We were best friends for about a year; as time passed, it became obvious that we had feelings for each other. From very early on in our courtship, we knew we would end up getting married. We knew we had each found the one who was God’s perfect match for us. Kevin proposed during my senior year, and the following August we got married. While our marriage has been far from perfect, we had had a fairly easy time for the first five years.

Photography: Mandy Chappel Photography

During that time we had three children; Dominic, Lucy, and Simon. Although having children definitely changed our marriage and made life harder and more stressful in general, we were still living a happy and generally peaceful life, and our marriage was as solid as ever.

On August 8th of 2017, a few days before our fifth anniversary, we ended up taking two-year-old Lucy to the Emergency Room. She had been very lethargic for a few days and wouldn’t eat anything. We were completely blindsided when she was diagnosed with leukemia.

Kevin and I were both in complete shock. It is the kind of thing that you think will never happen to you until it does.

The next few days were an emotional whirlwind of new information, surgeries, chemo, and hospitalization. Two days later, as we celebrated our anniversary in the Operating Room waiting area, I remember thinking and talking about our marriage, and how this was something we never could have planned for.

In our vows we say “in sickness and in health,” but we never really thought seriously that we’d have to deal with real sickness, or what that would look like.

That day, we talked about how grateful we were to be going through that together. To have someone else who knew exactly we felt and who loved our daughter just as much. Although this is never where we thought we would be, five years into our marriage there is no one else I would want to go through this with. Over the past few months, Kevin and I have grown closer than ever, and I think our marriage is stronger than ever. We have had to lean on each other and learned to love and support our spouse even as we deal with our own pain. That has given us a bond we could never have imagined.

This journey with cancer is far from over, yet we feel our family is finally in a good place again, and everyone has learned to adjust to the “new normal” that is our lives. We already feel stronger as a family and as a husband and wife from having gone through this. Although this time of our lives has been the hardest yet, we feel confident that if we can get through this, we can get through anything.

Annamarie’s words of wisdom for brides:

Don't be afraid to be dependent on each other, rather than trying to work out problems on your own.

Pray for each other.

Don't take the little, everyday things for granted.

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About the Author: Annamarie Hamilton is a stay-home-mom from Baltimore, Maryland. She is married to her best friend Kevin and together they have three children: Dominic, Lucy, and Simon.

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The Royal Wedding and its Insights Into Evangelization

STEPHANIE CALIS

Unlike some of my friends, I didn’t closely follow the royal wedding for months in advance. Not out of disdain, but simply out of having other interests, I’d never really heard of Meghan Markle or watched her TV show, and I generally associated Prince Harry with the wilder, more controversial antics of his youth. Until it all became impossible to ignore.

In the days preceding the wedding, the lead stories on seemingly every news outlet and style blog I follow involved Meghan and Harry: how would they incorporate American rituals into a traditional English ceremony? What musical selections would they choose? Would Meghan wear the Queen’s signature nail polish shade? Before I knew it, I was drawn in, growing in appreciation for what seemed like a genuine, natural love, with sense of equality and mutual admiration between the two.

What was it that made someone like me, who’d been mostly indifferent to the royals, so intrigued by their nuptials? And what made so many others, the world over, feel the same? Particularly in our culture where marriage is received with cynicism, and in light of Harry’s mother, Princess Diana’s disillusionment with her own marriage--her lack of a fairy-tale ending after the original televised royal wedding--our obsession suggests there remains something captivatingly hopeful about the union of man and wife.  

On some level, there’s a realization that marriage still means something big, and we want to see relationships flourish and succeed. Love is worth rooting for, and commitment through good times and bad merits respect even from skeptics.

In the days after the wedding, I found myself scrolling through photos and clips of the service, attire, and family portraits. For those of us who aren’t duchesses, Meghan and Harry’s witness to love and service offers some valuable insights into how we can be witnesses, too.

As faithful Catholics whose wedding guests might or might not be in a similar place spiritually, the desire to evangelize through your wedding Mass and celebration is a natural one. In concrete, sensory ways, like incense, music, the readings, and a program that explains Catholic traditions in a clear, charitable way, that’s possible. I admired how the royal incorporated songs and a sermon from American Christian traditions without much fanfare, simply letting these inclusions speak for themselves. A concrete, yet humble witness. In an even more radical way, the Catholic faith has its own way of speaking for itself, stirring the soul to pay closer attention to the whispers, the longings, deep within.

Consider, as well, all the less obvious, unspoken ways the truth, beauty, and goodness of your marriage can, and will, also shine forth: treating each guest with attention and graciousness; meeting them where they are; exhibiting a spirit of reverence and resolve through prayer and worship simply by being your authentic selves; waiting until after the wedding to move in together. When you lead with the heart, prioritizing relationship over argument, your family and friends become well-disposed to receive, and can look past differences of opinion as their experiencing you and your beloved entering into marriage speaks to God’s grace.

The day after the royal wedding, sin and evil still existed in the world and our culture remained as politically fractured as ever. The wedding, however, stopped so many of us in our tracks for a moment and invited the world to step back from its brokenness and division. In the same way, your wedding day won’t heal yours or your guests’ every wound. Yet with beauty, virtue, and purity of heart, it can testify to something powerful and real without a word.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Cynthia + Chad | Midwestern Traditions Wedding

It was through FOCUS that Cynthia first developed a deeper spiritual life, attending daily Mass and praying before the Blessed Sacrament several times a week. She was deeply convicted about cultivating a relationship with Christ during her single years and forming habits that would carry over into her future vocation.

It was through a match app that she met Chad. After a few phone calls across their distance of an hour and a half, followed by dinner and several subsequent dates, Chad asked Cynthia to be his girlfriend.

Eight months later, Cynthia found herself at the Church of the Wedding Feast at Cana in the Holy Land while on a trip with Dynamic Catholic. There at the sacred site where Jesus turned water into wine, the couples on the trip renewed their wedding vows, with each bride carrying a single red rose.

From the Bride: Shortly before the trip, I read St. Therese of Lisieux’s autobiography. She said, “When I die, I will send down a shower of roses from the heavens, I will spend my heaven by doing good on earth.” St. Therese is known for sending “signs” in the form of roses. I said a quick prayer asking her to send me a “sign” about my relationship with Chad, but quickly forgot about it.”

After the vow renewal at Cana, the group gathered outside the church. One of the women in the group, whom I hadn’t met, walked over to me, crying. She said she didn’t know why, but she suddenly felt the urge to give me her red rose and to tell me that “there is someone out there for you.” I knew that the rose was sent to me from Therese. I felt overwhelming inner peace that my vocation was marriage, and that Chad was the man I was supposed to marry. Less than four months later, Chad took me to his parent’s small cabin to fish. He handed me a fishing pole with an engagement ring hooked to it; I turned to look at him, and he was down on one knee to propose.

We desired that our wedding be Christ-centered, that it reflect the beauty of spring, and that it embodied the small-town fun of our home state, Nebraska.

After our wedding rehearsal, Chad and I both went to Confession. Our rehearsal dinner was on a Friday in Lent, so we had a fish fry! Along with fried fish, Chad’s sisters made cheesy potatoes and an assortment of delicious salads and desserts.

My mom and all of my aunts included a rosary in their wedding bouquets, and it was important to me to continue the tradition. Mom gave me a blue rosary bracelet to place in my flowers. Before the ceremony, my bridesmaids and I, along with some female guests, prayed the rosary together. That time in prayer was beautiful, and brought me so much peace.

We chose Jesus’ first miracle at Cana for our Gospel reading because of my experience in the Holy Land. After communion, my friend did a stunning job singing the Litany of the Saints. I get goosebumps on my arms every time I hear it. Next, Chad and I went and stood in front of a statue of the Blessed Mother. As we listened to the moving melody of “Ave Maria,” we offered our marriage to her.

I wanted a spring theme for our wedding, so we chose a powder-blue color and garden-inspired décor. Almost all of our vendors were local. A florist in a neighboring town, for instance, owns a thriving business called Stitches and Petals. I described to her my vision of white garden roses with an assortment of greenery, and the flowers in the bridal bouquets and reception décor were stunning; exactly what I was looking for. Even the family was involved, which was special for all of us! Chad’s aunt makes cakes for many local weddings and special occasions, and she created an amazing naked wedding cake for us.

We were married in Howells, a small town of about 600 people. In very typical small-town Nebraska fashion, the wedding party traveled from the church to the reception by way of a trolley hooked to a John Deere tractor. We invited any of our guests, kids included, to ride along.

It’s tradition in Howells to stop at the bar in town before arriving at your wedding reception. Many of the guests stop there, too, and the bride and her bridesmaids dance on the bar top with the jukebox playing in the background. My mom even joined in on the fun.

All of the town’s wedding receptions take place at the Howells Ballroom. After the wedding party arrives at the reception, the bride and groom cut the cake so it can be served with dinner. Approximately 475 people joined us at the reception--many guests are also very typical in a small town. Chad chose the menu which included chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, corn, and a dinner roll. It was catered by a family friend who serves many of the local weddings.

At the ballroom, dinner is served buffet-style as the host couple invites guests to get in line. In keeping with the tradition of guests clinking their silverware on glasses to signal the bride and groom to kiss, it’s also common in Howells for guests to start chanting the names of the couples’ parents while clinking, encouraging them to stand and kiss, as well.

To preserve my bridal bouquet after the wedding, I had it turned into a rosary that I now use several times a week.

Chad and I are now one in union with Christ. One thing I remember most from our wedding day was how much joy I felt. Many guests commented on how happy I looked--the whole day, I could not stop smiling. At the reception, I was telling one of my good friends that “it [the wedding day] is the best day of my life!” She replied, “Just wait, it keeps getting better and better.” I keep returning to this phrase. Now that we have been married almost a year, I realize just how true her statement is.

Photography: Jenn Wiemann Photography | Church: Saints Peter and Paul Catholic Church in Howells, Nebraska | Reception Venue: Howells Ballroom in Howells, Nebraska | Rings: Borsheims | Flowers: Stitches and Petals | Caterer: Terri Belina | Brides dress: Nebraska Bridal | Bride’s veil: ieie Bridal | Bridesmaid dresses: David’s Bridal | Groom/Groomsmens’ Attire: Schmitt’s | Cake Baker: Alice Bayer, Family | Hairstylist: Makayla Geist, Friend | Makeup artist: Erin Dostal, Friend | Reception music: A-Z Music Productions | Bridal bouquet turned to rosary: rosariesfromflowers.com

Lost for Words? Tips for Writing a Wedding-Day Letter

Are you and your husband-to-be planning to exchange letters on your wedding day?

If you’ve ever watched a wedding video featuring the contents of letters the bride and groom have written, cried, then wondered how yours will measure up, you aren’t the only one. But in short, don’t wonder.

Photography: Gray Door Photography, courtesy of Sarah Ann Design

Just as you, your future husband, your love story, and relationship are unique, so too will be the matters the Lord brings up in your hearts in the days leading to your wedding. That’s a good thing! Trust, therefore, that when you write to your spouse in a spirit of prayer and honesty, your words will be significant simply because they’re your own, and perfectly suited to each other’s needs at the present moment with the Holy Spirit’s guidance. Yet the task often still feels daunting; on the first day of your life together, rich with all the emotions and anticipation surrounding your marriage, it’s natural to feel like the pressure’s on.

Here, our advice for ridding yourself of any sense of pressure, comparison, or obligation and getting the words deep in your heart up to the surface and onto paper.

Write freely. Literally.

Freewriting is a technique wherein you write without stopping, getting your thoughts down stream-of-consciousness style, for a designated amount of time. For the moment, you can ignore spelling, grammar, and organization. If, during the time period, you can’t think of what to write next, you keep your pen to the page or fingers to the keyboard anyway. Repeatedly writing a short phrase, drawing a continuous line, across the page, or tapping the keys at random are all effective ways to do this; the underlying idea is that so long as you remain in the mode of writing, words will eventually come. And they do!

A freewrite (consider trying it before the Blessed Sacrament) can be immensely helpful in producing a first draft of your wedding letter. Because you’re continuously writing, there’s no time to feel paralyzed by what to say next or to worry that each paragraph need be perfect before moving on to another idea. From that raw material, you can then order your thoughts and revise for style and word choice.

Make peace with your expectations.

If the last-minute pressures of planning have taken a toll on your emotional and spiritual state, don’t push those feelings aside; enter in, and dare to express them. A wedding letter filled with nothing but bridal bliss might sound ideal, and that’s wonderful if it’s what you’re experiencing. But if you aren’t, rest in the knowledge your husband-to-be isn’t interested in an idealized version of you, but the reality of you. Know that it’s alright not to feel constantly happy and free from stress. Be honest about your struggles, and state your hopes for the ways you and your husband will support and pray for each other throughout your marriage, particularly during times of difficulty.

Consider writing a prayer.

Your letter can take the form of a prayer for your life together, and can be as formal or informal as you’d like. You might consider what values and missions you’d particularly like to embody in your marriage and script a prayer you can read or say together before your Mass and on into your married life, one that will become a part of your family culture. Alternatively, if you enjoy journaling as a form of prayer, consider sharing in your letter some of the musings and intentions you’ve recently written about, or address your letter to God as a prayer of thanksgiving and intercession for your spouse.

Don’t worry about the word count.

Did you ever find yourself with a five-page college writing assignment, max out at page three, then struggle to fill the rest of the requirement, knowing all the while you were weakening instead of strengthening your paper? Some of us are more loquacious, others less wordy. Remember that your wedding letter is the furthest thing from a graded assignment, so strive to feel comfortable with however much or little you’d like to say. If, for instance, you express all you’d like to within just a paragraph or two, rather than the long missive you might’ve initially envisioned, be at peace. When you don’t feel like anything is missing, you’ll know you’ve written the right amount for you, however long or short your letter might be.

Above all, as you compose your letter, remember the Word himself, become flesh for the life of the world. Earthly marriage, too, makes real his incarnate love; a reality so profound the Word can leave us speechless.

Reflections on 10 Years of Marriage

ANDI COMPTON

By the grace of God, my husband Matt and I have now been married for 10 years. We were married on one of Our Lady's feast days, and she really took care of all the details that day and throughout our honeymoon. Twenty-one year old Andi had no idea what the next decade of her life would bring, but standing here on the other side, I’d love to share with you some insights I’ve gained through it all.

Pray for each other unceasingly.

Thank God on your knees for the gift of your spouse and your vocation. Invite him into your decisions, large and small. Even a simple prayer of, “Lord, help me be a good steward of our money while I grocery shop” helps us keep God at the center of our thoughts and reminds us where all our blessings flow from.

There will be seasons.

Some years are just amazing, completely full of grace and tangible joy. Others have felt like overwhelming dark valleys where we’re just barely hanging on together. This is why I love the part in the traditional vows where we promised to love each other for better or worse. Because there really will be better and worse days and seasons.
 

Stay close to the Church.

Make Sunday Mass, Holy Days, and confession a priority for your family. Even on vacation. Even when you have to split up and take kids to different masses. Even when it seems pointless, just go and give yourself to God. Try to go to confession once a month and make a date out of it. If it becomes a habit now, it’s much easier to incorporate kids into the routine later on.

New identities and roles take time to get used to.

It takes awhile getting settled into a new identity as a wife (or a husband) and to set healthy boundaries with family and friends. It’s all trial and error. For me, the two hardest adjustments were learning how to have a roommate and checking in with my husband before making large purchases. As an only child who lived at home until marriage, I’d never really learned how to share my space with others, and I had no idea of all the work it takes to take care of a home (bills, maintenance, cleaning, cooking, and more). I even joked with Matt that we should just get a bunk bed so I didn’t have to share my bed with him. Fast forward to ten years later and I can’t sleep if he’s not there!

Embrace NFP, especially when it's hard to do.

Natural Family Planning has been a real gift to us despite it being something so counter cultural and, some days, a huge spiritual battle for me to want to stick with it. Every couple will have a different experience during different seasons, and I want you to know that it’s okay.

Some couples will choose never to use NFP, joyfully accepting children if and when they come. Others will struggle immensely to abstain during fertile times but know it’s a cross they have to bear for a season. And then there will be those who honestly don’t struggle as much with abstinence and, due to circumstances have to abstain for months or years at a time. I’ve experienced all of the above situations and it’s likely you and your spouse will encounter a wide range of emotions towards how God is calling you to use NFP for the moment. And that's alright.

So long as we hold to the truth that God is in charge of our families, use our best discernment through prayer--individually and as a couple--and bring in a spiritual director if needed, we can make the best decisions for our families.

Learn to be vulnerable.

It takes time and patience to trust another person 100% with your spiritual life, emotions, sexuality, possessions, and the parts of your personality the rest of the world doesn’t see. There have been times in our marriage where that trust has been broken, and when we had to show love for one another by asking forgiveness and working towards complete vulnerability once again. Couples therapy can be a wonderful tool, and there is absolutely no shame in asking for help when you need it.

I think the wedding toast we’ve prepared for our kids pretty much sums up our thoughts on marriage: “May you be a slave to one another, but most of all to Christ.”

What’s one thing you’ve learned in your months or years of marriage that you’d like to share with other brides and wives?

Photography: Rae and Michael Photography | Shoot Location: Rancho Buena Vista Park, Vista, CA | Cake: Mili's Sweets | Andi's Apparel: Shirt, J. Crew. Necklace, Loft. Dress, Adrianna Papell. Shoes, Sam Edelman.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Susanna + Brad | Italian Vineyard-Inspired Wedding

We are honored by the opportunity to walk alongside you in this marriage ministry, from Yes to I Do and beyond, and we love returning to our couples' stories as they continue to unfold. If we've featured your love story in our How He Asked engagement series and you now feel called to share your wedding with us, as well, submission details can be found here.

Revisit Susanna and Brad’s testimony and proposal here, then read on for the details of their Green Bay wedding day, rich with the significance of vocation and the Church’s universal call to holiness for husbands and wives, priests, and religious.

Susanna and Brad had dated once before and broken up, but remained friends. Two years later--not long after a trip to Rome as friends, to attend a diaconate ordination--Susanna began a novena to Saint Joseph for her future husband. On the last day, as she turned from a statue of Joseph, she saw Brad in the chapel and sense he’d ask her out again. The following year, at the end of a stone breakwater in the rain, Brad gave Susanna a letter and got down on one knee.

From the Bride: Rome has played an important role in our relationship: Brad and I had been in Rome for a friend’s diaconate ordination two year prior, shortly before we began dating, and our friend, now a priest, celebrated our Nuptial Mass. And just two weeks before our wedding, we’d returned to the eternal city for Brad’s brother’s Diaconate Ordination

On the first of those two trips, we visited Madonna del Latte, a vineyard in Orvieto. This vineyard would provide us with the image we would reflect on throughout our engagement, our wedding day, and in our marriage.

Madonna del Latte got its name from a beautiful picture of Mary breastfeeding baby Jesus; its intricate logo includes the Latin monogram of the Virgin Mary, letters “A” and “M” meaning Auspice Maria (“under the protection of Mary”). On Valentines Day, during our engagement, I received a necklace Brad had designed, inspired by the vineyard’s logo. Brad said he hoped I could wear it on our wedding day. Not only did I wear the necklace, but we used used the monogram on our Save-the-Dates, wedding stationary, and Mass programs.

It was important to us that we focus on helping everyone enter into the beauty of the liturgy. We took notes from the article “Creating a Meaningful Wedding Mass Program” to help those we invited better understand what was happening and be able to participate more fully in the liturgy.

Just minutes before walking down the aisle, my immediate family joined hands as we came together in prayer, led by my dad. This moment was one of immense comfort, equipping me to walk down the aisle with confidence.

We were so excited to have my five nieces and two of Brad’s cousins as flower girls. Each of them carried a white rose down the aisle. These roses made up the bouquet Brad and I brought to the Blessed Mother during the Mass, asking her intercession right after becoming husband and wife. Our ring bearer, my nephew, brought up our wedding rings tied to a framed image of Our Lady of Czestochowa; a gift from our friend Father Michael, who was unable to attend.

In addition to the general intercessions, written by our good friend Sister Magnificat Rose with the Sisters of Life, who couldn’t be there, it was also important for us to ask the intercession of those in heaven by singing the Litany of the Saints. It served as a reminder that the Church is a family, and those in heaven eagerly wait to join with us in prayer; we are all one in the body of Christ. Among the saints we included were Saint Susanna, my namesake, and Saint Timothy, to honor Brad’s older brother who passed away at the age of three.

Of course our wedding day a celebration of Brad’s and my union in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony, but we also wanted the day to celebrate the sacrament of Holy Orders.

In Brad’s words, we can honor our priests by having a great marriage:

From the Groom: On the surface, marriage and the priesthood may seem like opposites. After all, one embraces the union of a man and woman, while the other embraces celibacy. It might seem that letting a priest see the joy in your marriage could be a sort of ‘taunting’ or ‘showing off’ of the good which he cannot have. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Marriage is intended to be an earthly symbol of Christ’s love for us and of the hope we have of one day being united with our Creator in heaven. Our priests remain celibate in order to witness to this very same reality. By foregoing something that is so good, their lives point to something that is even better. In this way, the priesthood is inextricably tied to marriage.

The better witness our marriages are to the world of Christ’s love for us and for his Church, the more they proclaim the greatness of the priesthood.

St. John Paul II wrote in Familiaris Consortio that “when marriage is not esteemed, neither can consecrated virginity or celibacy exist; when human sexuality is not regarded as a great value given by the Creator, the renunciation of it for the sake of the kingdom of heaven loses its meaning.”

Our priests have renounced marriage for us and for the Church. Now it is our responsibility as the laity to live out marriages that witness to the goodness of the sacrament. This extols the dignity and greatness of the priesthood, and ultimately witnesses to the reality to which both marriage and the priesthood point: the incomprehensible love of Christ for the world.

Susanna: It was a joy to celebrate not only the vocation to married life, but also to priesthood and religious life. We were even blessed to work with vendors with honorable and holy mission statements. Our talented photographers, Katzie & Ben Nelson, are a husband and wife team whose life is fueled by their Catholic faith. Our delectable desserts were baked by From Above Youth Center & Bakery, a non-profit organization funded by donations and grants, which aids teens and people with special needs in developing vocational skills. A friend from our parish designed our stationary, and even our D.J., Josh McClure, asked how he could pray for us when we met with him to talk about reception music.

Now, as we endeavor on this first year of marriage, we pray that as husband and wife we actively live out well the words from the second reading we chose: “...Live in love, as Christ loved us” (Ephesians 5:2).

Photography: Katzie & Ben Photography http://www.katzieandben.com | Church: Saints Peter & Paul Catholic Church: 710 N Baird St, Green Bay, WI 54302 | Wedding Reception: Phoenix Rooms at University Union on the Campus of the University of Wisconsin Green Bay | Rings: Gold'n Treasures: http://www.goldn-treasures.com/ | Flowers: Schroeder Flowers http://www.schroederflowers.com/ 
Invitations/Stationery: Designed by our friend Shannon Nowak | Caterer: Chartwell Schools | Bride’s Dress: BHLDN (by Eddy K) | Bride’s Veil: BHLDN (From Paris by Debra Moreland) | Brides’ Shoes: DSW (badgley mischka) | Jewelry (Bride’s Necklace designed by Bradley Parent): Gold’n Treasures | Bridesmaids Attire: Adrianna Papell  | Groom’s Tux: Groomsmen’s Attire | Groom's Shoes: Allen Edmund's | Desserts: Oreo Truffles, Chocolate dipped peanut butter balls, mini champagne, chocolate, gluten free cupcakes: Carrie Zehms: From Above Youth Center & Catering http://www.fromaboveyouthcenterandbakery.com/ | Hairstylist: Kris Mollen at http://www.samsarahsalon.com | Makeup Artist: Janice McCarty at http://www.samsarahsalon.com/ | Reception Music: Josh McClure with Harmony DJ Entertainment: http://www.harmonydjentertainment.com/ | Wedding Coordinator: Bryant Ortega

An Anniversary + Our First Reader Survey!

Today we invite you to join in our mission by way of our first Reader Survey!

Two years ago this week, on the Feast of the Visitation, we launched this corner of the wedding world: a place rooted in sisterhood, unafraid of the raw and imperfect, in love with love and with beauty, knowing they provide only a glimpse of an even more loving, more beautiful Creator.

It’s entirely due to the work of the Holy Spirit and to each of you, our brides, that the Spoken Bride community has grown since that first day. We read and truly appreciate every submission, comment, and email and continually hold you in prayer. Your willingness to entrust your intentions to our team and community, to offer advice and support to like-minded women, and to give reverence and attention not just for the outer, but the inner, is a gift. It embodies our mission to make manifest the truth, beauty, and goodness of Catholic marriage--in all its joy and purification. Thank you.

We look forward to sharing more distinctively Catholic wedding-related content and joining you in prayer and witness over this coming year! We have big dreams for this ministry and a simple desire to serve you with resources best suited to your practical and spiritual needs.

To help us accomplish that, share your thoughts in the Reader Survey below. It’s our priority to create content and tools ideally suited to your heart and your particular needs as a Catholic bride,. We’re looking forward to hearing your voice!

Saint Joseph, Mary Most Holy, Saints Louis and Zelie Martin, pray for us.

Vendor Spotlight | Her Witness Photography

Much like a camera, the human eye has the ability to detect light, to open and shut as it processes an image, and to hone in on various focal points. Yet seeing goes far beyond the scientific. It’s the sense of emotion of and underlying, below-the-surface realities, that create the truest rendering.

Tara Heilingoetter graduated college with a BFA in Photgraphy and Imaging, then wondered: not what now, but how? How, she wondered, would she create impactful work with a purpose, using her camera to forge deep connections with others? It was true seeing she was after.

Tara began her photography business, Her Witness, intending to use her gifts as a means of capturing beauty; her mission is “creating art for the greater good.” “My faith,” says Tara, “plays a huge role in the mission of my business by providing an internal lens in that way I visualize the world. With whatever the subject matter may be, whether it's photographing the sacredness of marriage, documentary projects, or landscapes I aspire to capture it all in a way that is truthful, authentic and genuine.”

Seeing, really seeing, each human person in his or her uniqueness infuses even the more business-oriented aspects of Her Witness. Rooted in an understanding that each client, and their love story, is different from all others, Tara works to serve each of her couples on an individualized, personal basis, including in working together to create a photography package that best suits their needs and in getting to know them before their wedding day, the better to understand and capture who they are. Available for worldwide travel, with a portfolio of awe-inspiring travel images showcasing her talent and journeywoman’s spirit, Tara’s photojournalistic wedding images, self-described as “a fly on the wall approach,” allows who each bride and groom truly are to unfold in front of her camera in the most organic, emotional way. And in taking this unforced, documentary style approach, she’s able to reveal her clients to themselves, reflecting who they are before the Father.

From Tara: My approach [to photography ] allows me to capture authentic and raw emotions leaving photographs feeling organic, yet timeless. From initial interactions, to the candid forgotten moments, pretty packaging or the one year anniversary card. Her Witness is all about the small details making each couple feel cherished. My work and work ethic is inspired 100% by my Catholic faith. My faith gives me eyes to see the world through a lens of truth, beauty and goodness.

HER WITNESS PHOTOGRAPHY | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM

Angela + Lucas | Farmhouse-Inspired DIY Wedding

It started on the roof of a convent in Mexico. 

Angela and Lucas met on a medical mission trip with FOCUS as both prepared for their forthcoming missionary years with the organization. Text by text after returning home, spanning the miles between Indiana and Colorado, each realized a uniquely attractive depth and character in the other. They began a long-distance relationship punctuated by letters, phone calls, and occasional visits.

 The following summer, Lucas went on pilgrimage in Poland. Angela participated in another mission, this time to the Philippines. Upon their return stateside, Lucas invited Angela to a Wisconsin shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe, to whom they share a devotion that began during their time in Mexico. There on a hillside, at Our Lady’s feet, Lucas proposed.

From The Bride: The Nuptial Mass was the center of our wedding day, and I am glad we put so much of our focus there. Our relationship is founded on a love for Jesus Christ and his Church, so the Mass was the most important and special part of our day. We also chose Soul Creations as our photographer because the owner, Sinikka, is Catholic and familiar with the Mass. She was able to beautifully capture it.  

We chose Mass parts we loved while hoping to share the beauty of the Mass with those attending. Not all of our friends and family are Catholic, so we hoped to be instruments of an encounter with our Lord for them. Everything from the Worship Aid to the petitions was considered from the perspective of a new-to-Mass attendee. Praise God for the truth, beauty and goodness of the Church.

 Our Lady is of particular importance to us, and we wanted to offer great thanksgiving for her motherly hand. I walked in to an organ rendition of the Salve Regina. Our Gospel reading was the Wedding Feast at Cana, where Mary gently guides us all to do whatever Jesus tells us. We presented flowers to Our Lady of Guadalupe and the Holy Family while my good friend and talented vocalist Kelly sang the Ave Maria-it was the one part of the Mass that made me weep!

 We chose a white and neutral aesthetic, inspired by the image of heaven. With white and gold as our main colors, we found bridesmaid and groomsman attire that looked great on everyone, simple yet beautiful flowers, and many DIY projects. We did not want the look of anything to appear overbearing, but natural and simple, highlighting the beauty of those in our wedding party and the natural elegance of the church where we held the Mass.

 I loved the way my dress fit with our intentions for the theme. The cathedral-length veil and the long train fit very nicely in the church; simple yet elegant.

I’d originally hoped for our reception to be held in a simple barn, but little did I know they were such a hot commodity and not as budget-friendly as I’d hoped. We also wanted to serve our own food--homemade by Lucas' incredibly talented family--and most venues didn’t permit outside catering. So, we ultimately chose a hall. At first look, it was a bare and resembled a gymnasium, but our decorations upped the elegance. Much of the inspiration was my own. Some items, like the flower hoops over our head table, were Pinterest re-creations. Other elements, like the pallet décor, were made of found items. You never know what you’ll find for projects.

I must totally credit the generosity of Lucas’s family for providing the best food ever! They let Lucas and I help make tamales with them one day before the wedding, and my family learned so much during an afternoon of laughs, instructions from Lucas' grandmother, and bonding with family members.

We had a mariachi band that started the night with dancing and singing before the bridal party even arrived. The father-daughter dance was special to us and so much fun! My dad is certainly not the sappy, emotional type. My family has a great love for Chicago Cubs baseball, so we decided to dance to their signature anthem, “Go Cubs Go,” which was perfect.

The best way for me to describe our wedding day is in the words of our opening hymn, "O God Beyond All Praising." We are beyond blessed by our heavenly, Father through the intercession of our Mother Mary. Together they brought us to the altar, after introducing us in such a surprising and unforeseen way before our FOCUS missionary service. Our wedding day was a great celebration of thanksgiving for the goodness they have given us in loving one another.

It was also a time of thanks for the conversion of our own hearts. We both know deeply that we have done nothing to deserve this goodness, yet it has been freely given to us as a gift from our loving Father, a fact that still causes me great wonder. Through the working of the Holy Spirit, our wedding day was one of great witness to our family and friends of the love we have for the Church and the joy that comes from living the Gospel! We were so blessed to have a Catholic and non-Catholic bridal party, bringing people from every sector of our lives to celebrate together. It was awe-inspiring to see the young Church alive in the pews and in celebration at the reception.

Most of all, in reflecting on our wedding day, I thank God for a husband who loves God more than me, who desires to pursue holiness with every ounce of his being, and who loves me without reserve, especially now that we've started our little family.

I frequently echo the words of Our Lady: He has done great things for me, and Holy is His name. Praise Him!

View Angela and Lucas's DIY projects up close, and hear Angela's how-tos, here.

Photography: Soul Creations Photography | Church: St. John the Evangelist Catholic Church, Indianapolis, IN | Wedding Reception Venue : McGowan Hall, Knights of Columbus, Indianapolis, IN | Rings: Reis Nichols, reisnichols.com | Flowers: Ayers Wholesale Flowers | Dress: Blushing Bride on 17 | Shoes: Toms | Bridesmaids Dresses: David's Bridal | Groom / Groomsmen Attire: Jos A Banks | Cake: Classic Cakes | Hairstylist: Fringe Salon | Makeup Artist: Fringe Salon  | Music / DJ: Complete Weddings and Events | Planning / Coordination: Courtney Roach

He Invites Us: Developing a Healthy Attitude Towards Chastity

STEPHANIE CALIS

I spent my engagement on a year of service, speaking about chastity to middle and high school students. It was...a time of paradox.

Photography: Du Castel Photography, seen in Heather + Jude | Bohemian Bayside Wedding

Talking to five classes a day about reserving sexual intimacy for marriage while being tempted to do the opposite. Advising seventh graders to draw physical boundaries at simple kisses while navigating the more complicated boundaries of being in a serious, yet chaste relationship in your twenties. A crucible of formation and prayer wracked with frequent attacks. Awaiting my wedding, a day I was pretty sure would be among the happiest of my life, while coming to terms with the awareness that even the most beautiful earthly gifts can be idols, just a flicker when compared to the fire of divine ones.

It felt good, in a way I hoped wasn’t prideful or self-glorifying, to share my story of having stuck around too long in the wrong relationship for me, one in which I let myself be used, of writing stacks of letters to my future husband, and finding even my biggest dreams insufficient to the reality of the man I would marry; someone so sacrificial, self-giving, and pure of heart. The girls I spoke to sometimes cheered when I revealed all the letters I’d written would be a surprise for my husband-to-be in a matter of months. “And then,” said one student, “you’ll be married and you won’t have to worry about chastity anymore.”

I paused. Her words, though clearly rooted in a place of innocence and good will, didn’t sit right. But I couldn’t immediately explain why. I bumbled through an explanation that chastity doesn’t end in marriage, feeling the frustration of what seemed like a missed opportunity. On the drive home, I challenged myself to better articulate exactly why it doesn’t.

If chastity is not defined as mere abstinence, not just a list of no's but as sexual self-control for the sake of freedom and authentic love, so that your yes can be truly meaningful, of course it doesn’t end at the altar. Chastity embodies love that is free, faithful, total, and life-giving, so much so that the self-discipline and disposition to being a living gift--in whatever way that looks like, to your spouse and to others--spills over in the best way possible, changing not just your sex life, but your outlook on life in its entirety. Practically speaking, what’s the best way to do this, throughout engagement and on into marriage?

It’s natural, and so good, to anticipate the fullest physical expression of your love within marriage. Yet my thoughts on that drive home, and in the months and years since, have emphasized to me the importance of viewing that anticipation in a healthy way. I realized the notion of abandoning chaste love after marriage could easily encourage a white-knuckle attitude of just “making it through” times of abstinence, could make an idol of sex, and could become a crutch enabling a lack of self-control.

I wanted something more for my relationship: true freedom to give of myself instead of license to do whatever I wanted, a healthy perspective and respect for the gift of our sexuality instead of elevating it out of proportion as a highest, pleasure-focused good.

If, like I did, you find yourself still refining your view of abstinence, chastity, and anticipation during engagement, I encourage you to pray for a spirit of reverence in your physical relationship. Don’t feel discouraged if you recognize the need for a shift in perspective, but fortified and resolved. Authentic love and freedom aren’t a destination, but a long path. One on which we still might stumble, yet one far more exhilarating and alive than any other journey.

Your walk up the aisle is, quite literally, a walk toward Calvary: the image of a life poured out and given without reservation, for the sake of pure love. Ask for the grace to give of your own life in the same way; to imitate and embody the love of the Cross. Christ gave entirely, and invites us to do the same. His Passion and love are just that: not a milestone to reach and then move on from, but a constant outpouring of self. An invitation. He awaits us, and our yes, always.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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How and Why to Consider Bringing Examen Prayer into Your Relationship

Engagement is busy, and it’s noisy. You might be surprised, however, if you find that even after your wedding day, life still feels busy and noisy. Life’s demands and responsibilities never really cease; they simply change with our seasons in life. 

Photography: Meaghan Clare Photography, seen in Elise's Wedding: Why it Matters that We're Marrying in a Church

It’s a paradox of our perpetually-connected, phone-at-the-ready lives: solitude and quiet can feel like freedom, or they can feel like desperation. Stillness doesn’t always come naturally, yet it can be developed. Whether your prayer life currently feels central or whether you’re looking for direction to guide your thoughts, incorporating Examen prayer might provide a link between a desire for self-reflection and figuring out exactly how you might bring that reflection about.

Rooted in Ignatian spirituality, an examen is a form of guided prayer that prompts reflection over the events of your day, instances of strength and weakness in your actions, and, above all, gratitude for and attention to the ways the Father is at work in your life. All self-knowledge, for better and for worse, is a grace; the Lord inviting us to consider ways we can best put ourselves at the service of love for him and for those in our lives. Gift.

This sense of service and self-gift takes on particular resonance in the vocation to marriage: you’re accountable not only to yourself and to God, but to your spouse. Developing a sense of attention to the blessings of your shared life, and to areas in which the Lord is gently prompting us to grow, can only bear fruit in your relationship. Consider committing to a week, a month, or more of bringing an examen into your prayer ritual, with time to share the movements within your hearts. You might spend this time before parting ways for the night if you’re engaged, or after dinner, before beginning your evening chores and leisure if you’re married.

There are a wealth of resources with suggested text and prompts for your examen, which means with time, you’re likely to find a particular version that’s well-suited to your spirituality as a couple. All examen prayer follows a general structure of giving thanks, bringing your petitions before the Father, reviewing your day and meditating on his hand in it (this part might take the longest), asking forgiveness for your shortcomings and meditating on the mercy of God, and looking to the following day with a sense of resolve and and renewal.

In light of you and your beloved, it’s helpful to consider the ways the Lord has shown himself in the time you’ve spent together during the day and in the ways you’ve shown, or fallen short in showing, his love to one another. As a starting point, we recommend this examen with meditations from Scripture and Saint Ignatius’s Spiritual Exercises and Fr. Michael Gaitley’s “BAKER” prayer that invites particular contemplation of Jesus’ merciful love.

Saint Ignatius prayed, “Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all I have and call my own. You have given all to me. To you, Lord, I return it. Everything is yours; do with it what you will. Give me only your love and your grace, that is enough for me.” May you and your beloved, together, enter more deeply into his love and the gifts he so desires to bestow on your relationship.

Heather + Matthew | Rustic Family Wedding

Matthew was the man in the pew in front of Heather each Sunday at Mass, leading his three little girls in the faith. He often turned to greet Heather and her own three daughters with a smile and handshake. It was Heather’s six-year-old who fell in love with Matthew first, saying that man up there in the pew was the one her mama would marry.

From the Bride: It took a little under a year, the involvement of our priest, and of countless friends from our church community to finally bring Matthew and I together.

After 6 months of waiting and watching and one failed first date, we had our "second first date" and clicked. Just four months later, Matthew was down on one knee in front of me our six girls, in the chapel of local seminary, asking me for my hand in marriage.

And now we are a family of eight, married by the priest who first felt compelled to bring us together, along with our current priest and in front of 350 of our closest friends and family members.

Our wedding, planned in just eight weeks time, felt almost like what I imagine weddings used to be like: people came out of the woodwork to bring it together for us. Over 40 friends brought homemade dishes for our potluck-style reception. A college classmate, turned baker, created the most beautiful cake shaped like a birch tree in honor of my groom’s arborist career.

A dear friend and part-time photographer captured the day’s memories in a way no outsider would have been able to.

More friends from church, a dear young couple expecting their first baby boy, handled our music; I walked down the aisle to Chris Tomlin's “Good Good Father.”

And at the center of it all was our Lord. The Father that had brought us through some of the most unimaginable storms was fully present in the sacrament we exchanged. The love between us, our daughters, and our heavenly Father was palpable that day, and I believe it will carry us through the years ahead.

Overwhelmingly I felt our Father's love. It all just made sense in that moment. The years of pain and heartache, the questioning, the brokenness, all came together in a picture I could have never envisioned. He led us here.

Photography: MessyFace | Church: St John Neumann Catholic Church Sunbury, OH | Reception: St. John Neumann Catholic Church Sunbury, OH | Flowers: Maple Lee Flowers | Dress: Gabriele Bridal
 

A DIY Bouquet for Literature-Loving Brides

LAUREN HENDERSON

"Can you give me your bouquet for a moment?" asked the Lorax-mustachioed priest at our wedding Mass. I was surprised and a tad embarrassed; I don't love attention, even on my wedding day.

Photography: Jocelyn's Photography, from the author's wedding

My bouquet had caught many eyes, including our priest's, because it wasn't made of flowers. I’d created it from the pages of books. Our priest asked for my bouquet during the homily. I handed it over and he started to ad lib about how the novels whose pages I included were symbolic of my husband and I. These books, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green and Me Before You by Jojo Moyes (barring its problematic ending), reminded me of how open my husband and I are with each other and how we love doing unusual things together. We each make the other better and are always working at our relationship. Books, said our priest, can already be good as their own entitiesu. But when transformed by marriage and by God, they can become something even more beautiful--like my bouquet.

Two people, their own individuals, become one new entity in marriage, better than they could be alone. How much more beautiful and meaningful could marriage get?

Truthfully, I didn’t think anyone would really care about my bouquet. In fact, when friends and family members heard about the DIY project I’d planned, they did the polite head nodding thing while saying “Oh, that sounds interesting,” which almost always actually means, “Okay, good luck with that.” I continued anyway, a sucker for meaningful things.

Practically, I created this bouquet because I was getting married in February in the Midwest, where fresh flowers would have cost an arm and a leg. But I also did it because my husband and I read The Fault in Our Stars together in our early days of dating. We both identified with the characters' interactions. I love personalizing everything I can and creating meaningful moments. I chose my bouquet as an opportunity to personalize our wedding liturgy.

I bought the books and began tearing out their pages, cutting out petal shapes, and wrapping them around floral wire. It was a long process, yet incredibly worth it--it is something I can keep forever. After the wedding, a friend asked if she could write about it for Reader's Digest in an article about alternative wedding bouquets. I was honored, and sort of stunned that my simple bouquet would reach the amount of people it did.

But isn’t this like marriage? A marriage is hard work: lots of menial tasks, yet so full of sacred meaning. A marriage starts with something ordinary, like a book or like two independent people, and makes it into something extraordinary, like a bouquet or one in the eyes of God. And then these two people go out together and serve. So without trying to, or seeking it, God taught us and our wedding guests the meaning and the call of marriage: to join together and create something extraordinary.

Let God work through your creativity. After all, he is the creator of all life.

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About the Author: Lauren Henderson is a newlywed and convert to the Catholic faith who loves cooking, baking, reading, and singing in the car. She studied Psychology in college and enjoys guessing whodunit in mystery shows. A lover of children, she cannot wait to be a mother someday. Lauren and her husband host the podcast God Winks and the Kitchen Sink.

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Tips for Choosing Your First Dance

STEPHANIE CALIS

Perhaps there’s a song you’ve loved since long before you were dating your spouse-to-be, one you determined you’d dance to at your wedding. Maybe you and your beloved have had “your” own song from the start. But what if you don’t fall into those categories? Here, four considerations that can aid in your decision-making.

Photography: Horn Photography and Design as seen in Katie + Ted’s Classic Southern Summer Wedding

Is there a song that recalls a particular time or memory from our relationship?

Your song might not be one you’ve discussed outright in the past, but one that speaks to your history as a couple, nonetheless. Maybe hearing a song that was on heavy rotation at a memorable time in your relationship transports you vividly back to that moment. Perhaps there’s a piece that consoled one or both of you during a difficult time.

One of the songs with the strongest hold on my own memory, for instance, is one I actually experienced alone. Around the time I started dating my husband, I had recently bought Keith Urban’s album Defying Gravity; I’d repeatedly play one of the tracks, “If Ever I Could Love,” that captured the sense of newness, purity, and the joy of discovery I found myself experiencing. Take time to consider what titles have played a similar role for you; list the songs that have held a particular meaning in your own lives to this point or remind you of one another.

What songs are meaningful in our family cultures?

Dancing to your parents’ or grandparents’ wedding songs convey a sense of timelessness and of respect and affection for the bonds of love that make up your families and their traditions. Elise’s parents’ song, “It Had to Be You,” holds a fond and particular significance to her to this day.

Would we like to dance in a particular style?

If you and your beloved are skilled at swing, ballroom, or a style of dance that reflects your heritage, incorporating it is fun and takes off some of the pressure for your first dance to be a completely serious, romantic affair. At a wedding I attended were the groom was a theatre teacher, the couple included a choreographed entrance by the bridal party at the conclusion of their first dance. Jiza and her husband performed a swing dance.

And keep in mind that though your dancing style might not be contemporary, your song selection still can be: a friend and her husband waltzed to Lifehouse’s “You and Me” at their reception.

What do we hope to convey about love and marriage?

Your witness to lifelong love doesn’t end when your nuptial Mass does; it’s manifest throughout your entire wedding day. Whether you communicate it directly or simply through your actions and decisions, you and your beloved speak the language of free, faithful, fruitful, and total promises, simply by virtue of who you are and of choosing sacramental marriage. There are a wealth of selections, both secular and Christian, that embody the language of wedding vows; songs that speak to the longing of our hearts for something more than this life, the glimpse of heaven pure, sacrificial love affords us, the constant battle to allow love to prevail over lust and selfishness, and the perfecting love of the Father, who rejoices simply in the fact that we exist. Take them to prayer and see what lyrics stand out and might lend themselves to your first dance.

Choosing your wedding song one that expresses who you are as a couple and strikes whatever mood--romantic, lighthearted, or otherwise--you intend might feel like a tall order, yet as wedding planning goes, it’s one of the less stressful decisions to be made. The Father sings over us, his children, in a particular way through the sacraments, and no matter what selection you make, the love between you and your spouse makes his rejoicing so visibly evident.

Get inspired by the team’s love song suggestions here. We invite you to share your own favorites and first dance selections, as well. Tell us about your song in the comments and on our social media!

How He Asked | TheaMarie + Benjamin

TheaMarie was raised Protestant, but met her husband-to-be at their Catholic high school. For three years, she and Ben were close friends, telling each other everything in between dating relationships with others. Ben asked TheaMarie to their junior prom where, to her surprise, he asked her to be his girlfriend two weeks later.

In TheaMarie’s words: God is beautifully omniscient and works in the most graceful ways. Slowly but surely, the Lord began to work through Benjamin's loving faith and practices to show me the beauty, mercy, and consolation of the Catholic Church. We began spending time in the chapel during lunch together, going to late-night Adoration, and exploring the sacraments together.

On November 1, 2013 I entered the Catholic Church at a school-wide Mass, with Ben as an altar server. It was very special, and an experience we both hold dear to our hearts. We both went off to college in Wisconsin, him in Milwaukee and myself in La Crosse. Dating long-distance has stretched us in ways we couldn't have imagined. These past four years have not been without tears or long discussions, but the fruits have already become manifest. We have continually looked to our Mother and to St. Joseph for guidance as we’ve weathered our journey across the distance.

Our engagement was expected, yet also completely unexpected. It was expected in that we had been courting for four years, working on our careers and bettering ourselves to grow closer to God. But the timing and setting were entirely unexpected.

I was convinced Ben would propose somewhere in our North Dakota hometown, where we spent countless hours talking, working on homework, driving around, praying, and being with family and friends. He completely surprised me when I’d delayed my flight home from school beforer Christmas break.

It was a Saturday night, and we were on our way to Mass. It was beginning to storm. Unknown to me, before we left Ben had made plans with friends who worked for the Basilica of St. Josaphat in Milwaukee, asking them the best spot to propose. On our drive to the Basilica, at the same time we both said we wanted to go to a different Catholic Church we had been planning to explore more at some point. We took the exit and attended a beautiful Mass, with few present as the winter storm had made travel difficult.

At the end of Mass, we finished our prayer. Ben asked if we could go to the front of the church to pray for safe travels. As we knelt, I could feel that he was nervous, which made me nervous!

We prayed, and I got up and to put my jacket on. Ben grabbed it from me and put it on the pew. With my hand in his, he knelt and said,

"TheaMarie, we have grown so much over the past seven years. I cannot imagine my life without you. You are my whole life. Will you make me the happiest man... Will you marry me?"

I stood there in disbelief and absolute excitement and said, "Yes, yes, yes!" We hugged, kissed, and he put the most beautiful ring on my finger. The center diamond is from my mother's wedding ring, and my dad, who owns a jewelry store, created it himself.

We thanked God for our relationship and enjoyed a nice meal, just the two of us in a big city where no one knew us. We looked at Christmas lights and called our parents. The next day, I had to leave for home. It was the most beautiful time we had together and our long engagement of one and a half years has been a gift to us: a time of growing in virtue, patience, mercy, understanding, love, and allowing for God to work within us and through one another.

Photography: Ben Gumeringer Photography | Engagement: Milwaukee, WI |. Engagement Ring: Knowles Jewelry, Bismarck ND

The Sophia Series | Marisol

We invite our longtime married readers to share the experiences that have marked, refined, and anointed their marriages; months and years that, by grace, transform the mundane, the bitter, and the incomprehensible into the fruits of holy wisdom. A purification and a clear vision for the path to heaven that lies ahead. The Sophia Series.

Photography: Laura Kay Photography

My husband and I met providentially while hanging out with a mutual friend. We made a deep connection from the beginning, and I remember thinking that he brought out the best in me. I felt right at home. We got engaged after a courtship of over five years and have been married for the last 10 years.

On my wedding day, I remember a prayer after communion where I fully understood how much God loved my husband and how he uses instruments--especially those closest to us--to express that love. I understood that for my husband, I would be either a vessel or an obstacle to that love in the years to come. I prayed I would be the former.

The biggest obstacle to our marriage was discovered during our honeymoon. We had waited until that moment for physical intimacy. However, we were unable to have intercourse. Once we returned from our trip, I sought medical advice and after much research, I discovered I had issues with my pelvic floor muscles. Involuntary spasms have kept me, to this day, unable to consummate the marriage.

This has been a very big cross to bear and has created many moments of pain; however, it has also allowed the both of us great lessons and growth.

I am in awe at the fact that our marriage remains faithful after 10 years. Many times, couples have a harder time discerning whether to separate, based on factors such as children or the unlikely option of annulment. In our case neither of those factors exist, as our marriage is, to date, not physically consummated. It is beautiful to know it is our free will that keeps us in union and in constant yes for this sacrament.

I remember feeling inadequate, like a failure as a wife, due to my medical problem. I have learned self-love and self-compassion, which in turn allow me to be ever more loving and compassionate towards others.

Intimacy brings couples together at many levels, including physically, neurologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Since my husband and I do not have this great perk, we have learned to go from me to we in other ways. One of them is through each other’s love languages. His is acts of service, while mine is quality time. It is amazing how a concept so simple is so easily forgotten. Here is a recent example:

This past weekend was spent at home after my husband underwent a procedure requiring him to stay indoors for two days, which is unusual for us and for his sanguine temperament.

Imagine a total extrovert and a bit of a perfectionist trapped indoors during the weekend. We came to a moment where every area of the kitchen was in disarray. We had finished dinner and were in the middle of watching a movie. My husband paused the movie to feed our pet rabbit and in that moment, I thought it would be appropriate to come up with something to celebrate  St. Patrick's Day.

I pulled out a bottle of Irish cream and made some coffee. I could already taste the goodness. My cup and saucer were perfectly set next to a glass of Irish cream over ice, ready for the perfect Instagram Story.

As my husband came back downstairs, he began remarking on the dirty dishes, the stove splattered with olive oil, and groceries that needed to go in the pantry.

I could not believe he was ruining our ‘Irish’ little moment for this! I took offense and began feeling quite resentful. Remember that my love language is quality time--we were speaking it fluently until this moment of pause.

Things shifted to all the unfinished cleaning and suddenly, as I reluctantly washed dishes, I considered my husband's love language: acts of service.

Wasn't the dinner enough? Wasn't the glass of Irish cream over ice the cherry on top? Why couldn't we just continue watching the movie?

I realized I’d encountered a perfect opportunity to love. My resentment turned into determination to clean that kitchen and clean it well.

An hour went by and I could tell my husband felt guilty. He kept helping out and even started vacuuming in some random area of the house. He set the empty coffee cup on the table as if to signal it was waiting.

Part of me wanted to continue speaking his love language and serving. Yet my pride also kicked in, and I didn’t feel like jumping back into the movie and coffee. I could get over the interruption.

I considered the possibility of finishing the dishes and going upstairs to take a bath. My pride did not want to receive quality time after I was done with the effort of loving. I wanted to jump right into self-care--not the generous kind,but the kind that would give a clear message of how annoyed I still was, deep within.

As I moved on to cleaning the stove, my husband said it could wait. I was determined to finish and was reluctant to go back to that cup of coffee (I was still in full pride mode!).

My husband invited me to finish the movie. As much as my ego wanted me to run upstairs, I accepted. We had a good rest of the evening, and I knew that pause had been well spent.

The next morning, we attended a birthday brunch. We enjoyed time with friends, and afterward my husband made plans for us to spend the afternoon together. We went shopping, to the museum, walked around, ate hot dogs, and went to my favorite evening Mass, followed by a coffee shop.

My husband spoke so much of my own love language that weekend, and I can only say you can never outdo God in generosity.

I am not sure whether all these words would be enough to tell all the stories of our marriage. But I can say I have learned how to persevere through thick and thin and to focus on what matters, one day at a time. I have learned to be fully present to God, to myself, and my vocation.

I wish I could say there was a 'happily ever after' kind of ending to this story. The reality is that we continue to work with the big elephant in the room--our obstacles to intimacy--tackling it one bite at a time and never ceasing to gaze at the eternal.

Our vocation has gifted us with innumerable lessons and joys. I cannot wait to learn what other chapters God has in store for us!

In the past, I remember praying for a holy family. One year into my marriage, while looking at an image of the Holy Family, I realized that they do not represent the husband, the wife and their child. Mary, Joseph and Jesus represented the husband and wife, with Christ at the center. I realized at that moment, this is the one thing we need for a holy family.

We have many images from our wedding day; however, one of my favorites is the one where we are having a pillow fight. Our reception was at a hotel, with our suite nearby, so our photographer suggested an impromptu series in there. When I look at these photos, I cannot help but wonder at how the bedroom happens to be the place where our biggest struggle would take place. Just like that friendly pillow fight, we keep fighting in unison each day: to do God’s will and learn the art of love and communion ever more perfectly.

Marisol’s words of wisdom for brides:

Make room for the unimaginable. Each marriage holds a unique story. Let the Master author write the greatest lines.

Keep Christ at the center.

Marriage is the only sacrament not imparted by a priest. Husband and wife say yes to one another on their wedding  day, and they hold the power to say that same yes to one another on a daily basis.

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About the Author: Marisol has a great love for art and humanities. You may find her designing and styling, or gaining inspiration from books, art, friends and family, or a random conversation with a homeless human in the streets. She is passionate about the art of living in the present moment and of finding beauty in every circumstance. Her additional writing can be found at The Maritus Project and Beauty Found.

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM

Readers Share | 100 Words of Advice for Brides

Like the sacrament of marriage itself, we intend for this ministry to be lived in communion. We are wildly grateful, with all glory to God, for every story, comment, and prayer intention you entrust to us that makes that possible. Thank you. We recently asked Spoken Bride newsletter subscribers and social media followers to share with us their best advice for your wedding day and marriage, in 100 words or less. Here’s what you had to say.

Emma Dallman Photography

Invite as much love as you can to your wedding instead of worrying about limiting the invite list. The week of the wedding, when last minute people cannot attend, you will wish that everyone you love could be there.

My favorite memory, was sitting after communion just in front of the first pew. Being surrounded by the love of Jesus, my spouse, and my loved ones squeezing my knee after they received made me realize how blessed and loved I truly am. That is what I want for every bride. - Kayleigh 

My advice for brides on their wedding day is to slow down and really take in every moment. The whole day is such a blur once it’s over! There is so much pressure to make sure the whole day is “perfect,” but I really cherished the moments where it was just me and my husband taking in our special day together."- Michelle

My husband and I have been together for 21 years and married for 15.

Trust your entire life to your spouse’s love and intentions. Apologize and resolve any conflict right away, no matter who is at fault. Laugh and hug every single day you’re together. Find joy in who you are now and later, as you will both evolve. Never put yourself down. Never speak about stressful things as soon as you come home. Always eat dinner together. Talk constantly. Pray together. Hold hands during the homily. Kiss good night. Know that any hardship or joy is God’s will. This is just the beginning of a most beautiful life. - Milissa, @milis_sweets

Say Hail Marys throughout the day with the intention of soaking up each particular moment. It slowed me down, allowed me to take everything in, and challenged me to remind myself of Mary’s humility (because it’s a day when the attention is all on the bride!). - Kat, @katfinney

Realize that the day will go by in a blink. It’s you and your husband’s big day, but it will go by so fast and both of you will be pulled in a million different directions. Don’t let this frustrate you. Enjoy the day, roll with the tide, and know that any bumps or unexpected things will be sources of laughter for years to come. - Amy, @catholic_pilgrim79

When you find things difficult, think of the moment that brought you to choosing [your spouse] as a life partner. Think of the moments you both proved your love for each other. Think of the promises you made with God on the altar to stay together at all times. This moment will also pass away. Keep calm, pray, and ask for the grace to forgive and forget. Stand for your love at any cost. Be patient in prayer. - Matt, @matt.nrktl

Do as much planning as you think is necessary, but leave room for God’s plans, too. Allow him to lead your day! Try not to get overwhelmed by the little things because at the end of the day, it’s the sacrament that will hold the highest value. The details just make it all pretty! - Erika, @stellaofthesea

Soak up a bit of alone time with just your new husband throughout the day! We skipped the limo or group ride from the church to reception and opted to make the drive just the two of us--a very beautiful memory! - Janet, @rn2sahm

Stop and breathe. Take a look at everything and take it in. - Spring, @skinnybamboo

What would you add to this list? Share your advice in the comments and on our social media!

Ashley + Ashbee | West Virginia University Wedding

After meeting through family connections, Ashley and Ashbee "clicked right away", but were living in different states at the time, "so I didn't really know how it would work out," remembers Ashley. "But, to my huge surprise, a few days after I got back to WV, I got a call from Ashbee asking if I would like to go on a date next time I came back down to North Carolina." After a year of long-distance dating, Ashbee moved to West Virginia, where Ashley was living, and several years later, on their ten-year dating anniversary, asked Ashley to be his bride. Although Ashbee was raised Methodist, he and Ashley are going to raise their children Catholic and chose to have a Catholic wedding, and were able to plan it so that their non-Catholic guests felt welcome. 

From the Bride: Because Ashbee and his family and other guests are not Catholic, we decided not to have a full Mass, but instead to celebrate the Liturgy of the Word and the Rite of Marriage. We formatted our program in a way to let everyone know when to sit, stand, or kneel and how to respond to the readings and prayers.

The Scripture readings were especially important to us, and we chose Genesis 2 as our first reading, because it shows that man and woman are created to enter into a partnership with one another in marriage. For our second reading, we chose 1 Corinthians 13, St. Paul's famous "Hymn to Love." We liked this reading because it talks about how love is a great gift from God and it is true, self-giving love that makes a relationship last. We also chose this reading because one of my favorite Christian singers, John Angotti, led the music for our wedding, and he has a song called "Our God is Love." In this song, he specifically sings about how love is patient and love is kind. We thought it all tied together perfectly!

For the reception, we had a cookie table (which most people consider a Pittsburgh tradition, but has been my West Virginia family's tradition for years), and each cookie was made by a family member in support of our marriage. It was so nice to know my family wanted to help make our day special and that they took the time, energy, and money, to make over 4,000 cookies to share with our guests. 

Ashbee also drew a "logo" for our new family including our names, our wedding date, and a little symbol of each of our hobbies. I loved it so much that we decided to make it into a stamp, which we used on all of the welcome bags and the cookie bags our guests took home with them.

The bride's spiritual take-away from her wedding: For our Gospel reading, we chose the Beatitudes. This reading was the most important to us. We hope to build our family on the foundation of what Jesus teaches us about how to be his disciples: to be humble, sensitive to the needs of others, merciful to those who wrong us, and pure of heart. Through our choice of this Gospel reading, we hoped to share with our guests how we want to live in our marriage, but also to remind them what is important in life and how Jesus calls us to live.

Photography: Claire Watson Photography | Church: St. John's Catholic Church, Morgantown, WV | Reception: Holiday Inn, Mor, gantown, WV, Atria's Catering | Wedding Coordinator: Jaclyn Pheasant, Dream Creations Event Planning | Cake: Bonnie Belle's | Music: DJ Dave Event Services | Flowers: Rooted by Design (Raiko Jack) | Bride's Dress: Coni and Franc | Mother of the Bride & Bridesmaids Dresses: Coni and Franc | Tux: Jos. A. Bank | Makeup: KJS Cosmetology | Hair: Allison Clayton and her associates | Jewelry: J Crew | Ring: Ira Helfer from David I. Helfer Jeweler in Pittsburgh | Videography: Brad and Aimee of McMillen Photography