Why I Didn't Use Pinterest to Plan My Wedding

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

I remember when Pinterest became popular, because it coincided roughly with the time when I first began blogging. I had dreams of becoming a Catholic fashion blogger, so Pinterest seemed like a brilliant concept to me: one convenient digital home for all of my favorite style, decor, and recipe ideas. I got to a point where I was spending hours on Pinterest each day, constantly re-pinning from other boards, checking to see who had re-pinned or liked my pins, and scouring my favorite blogs for images to pin. It became unhealthy, and once I recognized my addiction, I stopped using Pinterest cold turkey. It is a form of social media that I simply couldn’t use in moderation.

Fast forward to the summer of 2016. I was engaged and in the midst of planning a wedding within a five month time frame. Every wedding vendor I contacted asked to see Pinterest boards for examples of my aesthetic, and I think I surprised all of them when I admitted that I hadn’t actually created any Pinterest wedding boards. Even in the height of my Pinterest obsession, I had an intuition that creating a “dream wedding” board would not be good for me emotionally, nor would it be good for my eventual wedding budget.

How did I plan a wedding in five months without Pinterest? Considering the fact that I was 32 and had been to many weddings by the time I was engaged, I had a good sense for what I did and did not want in terms of flowers, a dress, reception venue, and so on. I ended up being thankful that I had broken my Pinterest habit long ago, because it made the planning process much simpler and less stressful. 

Instead of scrolling through a seemingly infinite number of ideas for centerpieces, wedding favors, dresses, hairstyles, and bouquets, I shared my initial thoughts with my vendors, and trusted them to execute things beautifully. Also, many of the wedding-related photos on Pinterest are so stylized and luxe that they are cost-prohibitive for the average bride, and can lead to sadness and jealousy--neither of which are from the Lord.

Don’t get me wrong: I don’t think Pinterest is bad in and of itself, nor do I think it’s completely useless. I can be a useful tool for brides who are on the fence about what they want, or who are super crafty and want a DIY wedding, need some Spoken Bride-style inspiration for their Mass or reception, or who simply aren’t going to get sucked into the vortex of comparison and greed that can be prompted in some of us (me) by Pinterest. 

But if you’re like me, and Pinterest is more of an occasion for sin than it is a helpful tool, consider either scaling back on your Pinterest time or not using it at all, and focus on working directly with your vendors to design the various aspects of your wedding. You may find that wedding planning is much less stressful this way, and that it will still be beautiful, because it will be a reflection of the love of Christ present in you and your future husband’s relationship.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments: did you use Pinterest when planning your wedding? Did you choose not to? Please share! 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Editors Share | Wedding Readings

It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share ours with you, as well. Today, the team shares the meaning behind the readings used at their wedding Masses.

Carrie Joy Photography, c/o Emily Kathryn Designs

Christina, Associate Editor

First reading, Tobit 8:4b-8: When I was single, St. Raphael was one of my most-loved intercessors, thanks to the book of Tobit--one of the most under-appreciated books in the Deuterocanon. That alone was enough to make this reading a top contender, but in the end we chose it because of the important role prayer has played (and will continue to play) in our relationship, and because the prayer of Tobias and Sarah recounts the establishment of marriage by God in Genesis. It’s like getting two Old Testament readings for the price of one!

Second Reading, 1 Cor. 12:27–13:8a: For the longest time, I swore I would never choose this reading for my nuptial Mass, simply because everyone chooses it. But, as my husband Kristian and I were praying about which readings to choose, we kept coming back to St. Paul’s famous “hymn to love.” It is the perfect description of the kind of love Christ has for his Church, and the love Kristian and I strive to show each other.

Gospel, Luke 1: 26-38: We chose this Gospel because it is the preeminent example of the fact that “nothing is impossible for God.” Throughout our single years, Kristian and I both struggled to believe we could, like Mary, trust in the Lord completely and place our lives in his hands. When we met and fell in love, our faith in God’s ability to do the seemingly impossible was renewed. In response to this gift,we hope to make Mary’s fiat our own throughout our life together.

Stephanie, Co-Founder + Editor in Chief

First Reading, Tobit 8:4b-8: Valentines’ Day of my sophomore year of college, I read an article by the Vatican’s Zenit News describing several individuals who’d met their future spouses after habitually saying a particular prayer to St. Raphael, the intercessor of Sarah and Tobias’ relationship in the Book of Tobit, the patron of “happy meetings,” and of Christian marriage. Honestly, I was skeptical, but having known the ache of singleness and deep desire to be known and seen, I began saying the prayer daily for my future husband.

God is never outdone in generosity. Three years later, I met my husband, and we continued praying to St. Raphael in thanksgiving, and for friends and family, as we dated. When the time came to choose our wedding readings, an Old Testament reading reflecting our devotion to him seemed like a natural choice. This reading from Tobit, the wedding night prayer of Sarah and Tobias, is beautiful to us for its words of love prevailing over lust and life over death. A love that praises the Father and is life-giving is what we strive for in our marriage, and we revisit these words often.

Second Reading, Eph. 5:2a, 21-33: I have to admit choosing this passage as our Second Reading was partially rooted in defiance. St. Paul’s instruction that wives be subordinate to their husbands is so widely rejected or misunderstood. We hoped for an opportunity to shed some light and clarity on what is actually a beautiful framework for self-giving, self-emptying love that imitates Christ’s own sacrifice. Our priest did illuminate the true meaning of this reading wonderfully in his homily.

Gospel, John 2:1-11: From the start, Our Lady has been the avenue of grace upon grace in our relationship. At Cana, as Jesus readies himself to perform his first public miracle, water into wine, his mother instructs the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” My husband and I loved the fact that it’s at a wedding where Christ chooses to begin revealing his glory, elevating marriage to a sacrament, and moreover, that Our Lady speaks not only to the servants, but to us. Seeking to follow Jesus, through Mary, is a constant pursuit in our marriage, beginning with that Gospel right before we said our vows.

Andi, Business Director

First Reading, Genesis 1:26-28, 31a: I love this reading for its simplicity. At the time of our wedding in 2007, the definition of marriage was much less controversial. This is where it all began: God creating man and woman and affirming them as good. He then blesses all of creation and commands them to be fruitful and multiply--something we hoped would happen soon after our wedding.

Second Reading, Eph. 5:2a, 21-33: During my courtship with my husband, my girlfriends and I delved into this passage from Ephesians and what it really meant for husbands and wives. When wives submit themselves to the mission of their husbands, whose role it is to die to themselves for their wives and family. We were blown away by the beauty of it all.

The Gospel we chose is same as Stephanie’s, and we selected it for a similar reason.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Our Lady and the Solemnity of her Assumption played a significant role in our courtship, and since the date of our wedding providentially fell on that day, we decided to have our Nuptial Mass fulfill the Holy Day of Obligation. Our wedding was celebrated as a Solemn High Mass in the Tridentine Latin Rite (Extraordinary Form); within the Extraordinary Form, the readings are on a one-year cycle (vs. a three-year cycle in the Novus Ordo). Therefore, the readings for August 15, our wedding day, are always an Epistle from Judith 13:22-25 15:10, and a Gospel from Luke 1:41-50. It was so special for us to honor Our Lady in such a way.

Your story is a blessing to our community. We look forward to hearing the stories behind your own wedding readings in the comments and on our social media!

An Introduction to the Byzantine Rite of Marriage

JULIA DEZELSKI

If you’ve ever attended a Catholic wedding, you know the Church does weddings a little differently than other traditions- there are certain things we do and don’t do. However, if you are a Catholic in the United States, chances are you may not know that the Church has different marriage rites, depending on the liturgical rite a couple belongs to. I barely knew myself until I was planning my own wedding in the Byzantine rite. For every liturgical rite in the Catholic Church (there are over twenty!) there is a different liturgy of marriage in keeping with the rite’s tradition.

Last December, when I was married in the Byzantine rite, I had only once attended a wedding in the Eastern Catholic Church and needed plenty of instruction. I had been officially welcomed into the Eastern Catholic Ukrainian Church the previous June after requesting a change of rite (from the Latin rite in which I was raised). It was during my studies abroad in Rome that I stumbled upon the Byzantine rite through association with the Russian Catholic Church established there on the Esquiline hill. I was initially attracted by the beauty and depth of the liturgy (although I didn’t know any Russian!) and after further study of the history, iconography, and spirituality of the East, I knew that I wanted one day to embrace that patrimony as my own. Upon returning to the United States, I had the opportunity to do so and my husband-to-be was very supportive (and curious) about marriage in the Eastern rite.

Jonalee Earles Photography

Despite our inexperience and our guests’ unfamiliarity with the Eastern celebration of marriage, everyone was touched by the unparalleled beauty of the rich symbolism behind every gesture and edified by the solemnity of the rite.

Here are a few of the most interesting features of the Byzantine rite marriage:

The Procession

Much to the surprise of our guests, my father did not accompany me down the aisle. Instead, my husband and I processed hand-in-hand down the aisle behind the celebrants. By entering together, we crossed over the threshold of the church as equal partakers in this unfolding mystery of love. The focus is not on the bride alone, but on the couple, already becoming one mind and one heart as they make their way into the House of God.

Unlike other weddings, we did not have a handsome band of ladies and gents as an entourage. Instead, our two witnesses led the wedding procession carrying icons of Jesus and the Virgin Mary into the church. These icons now hold a prominent place in our home and serve as a reminder of that sacred day and its foundation. The choir’s intonation of Psalm 27 during the procession served as a reminder: “Happy are all who fear the Lord, who live according to His will. You shall eat the fruit of your own labors, you shall be happy and you shall prosper. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the heart of your home …”

The marriage rite actually begins in the vestibule of the church with the service of betrothal that confirms the free will and intent of the bride and groom. Although we were already betrothed (more on that later), we reaffirmed our free and unconstrained consent to enter into the marriage covenant.

Jonalee Earles Photography

Intercessions

As soon as we had publicly professed our intent, we were prayed for by those around us. The Byzantine liturgy is sprinkled with intercessory prayer: for the soon-to-be spouses, for blessings upon their marriage, for the fruits of the bride’s womb, for the couple’s children and their children’s children. Drawing upon a rich array of biblical marriages, the priest then offers a prayer to bless the couple like the biblical couples from Adam and Eve to Mary and Joseph. By being prayed over with such powerful imagery, the new couple becomes a part of the biblical story of redemption and a link in the genealogy of Christ’s second coming.

Marriage Vows and Crowning

To seal their participation in the story of salvation, the bride and groom are now invited to place their right hands on the Gospels. The priest then covers their hands with his stole as the groom followed by the bride read their marriage vows. Both my husband and I appreciated that we were not asked to repeat the words of the priest - we read them for the first and only time directly off the page. The vows were simple and profound, undergirded by the promise to love, respect, and be always faithful to our spouse with the help of God and all the saints.

The sacrament of matrimony in the Byzantine rite is also called the Holy Mystery of Crowning. The reason why becomes apparent at this moment, when the bride and groom are now crowned - that’s right - literally crowned with either a wreath of myrtle or a crown of jewels (not exactly precious jewels, but not plastic, either!)

The crowning is most certainly the most dramatic part of the ceremony, not only for the spouses who are trying to keep their heads upright, but for the whole assembly that witnesses a new dimension of marriage that is not typically highlighted in a wedding. The crowning is not some sort of mock celebration of how the newly wedded spouses might feel on top of the world but instead the “crowns of glory and honor” placed on their heads symbolize the honored martyrs who shed their blood and gave their lives for Christ and their neighbor. Like the crown of martyrdom, the crown is a prize of a marriage well-lived: a crown of sacrifice and self-giving. It is a foretaste of a glorious marital end!

Jonalee Earles Photography

The Common Cup and Procession

The Byzantine marriage rite is not celebrated within the context of a eucharistic celebration. However, a chalice of unconsecrated wine is offered to both husband and wife, symbolizing the bitter and sweet moments of married life that they will share together. This is followed by a final ritual journey when their hands are joined with an embroidered cloth and bound to one another, the couple is led around the tetrapod - a symbol of Christ - three times, by the priest carrying the Gospels. Again, the couple is starting their journey together by following the Word of God with Christ as the cornerstone of their life’s foundation.

The concluding prayer invokes God’s blessing on the couple until their crowns are received into God’s kingdom.  

In every Catholic liturgical rite, marriage is a sacrament that places you on a life journey of complete self-giving (and hopefully, a crown will be your prize!). Francis and I began our life journey walking as a couple over the threshold of the church and hope to journey together towards the Kingdom of Heaven while building our domestic church day by day. Regardless of rite or tradition, all Catholics are building the same Church - in their marriages and homes - each in their own way. This is the beauty of the Church: its unity and its diversity.

About the author: Julia Dezelski is currently finishing a doctorate in Theology. Her areas of interest include marriage and family, consecrated states of life, and the feminine genius among others. Julia was married last December in Washington, DC and can’t wait to cuddle with her first child due in January.

Uniquely Catholic Wedding Favors

While wedding favors are by no means necessary, many couples want to thank their guests for their support and love with a memento of some kind. And while you can find lots of fun favor ideas on Pinterest, it’s a bit more difficult to find uniquely Catholic wedding favors--especially if you haven’t been to many Catholic weddings yourself. We compiled a list of some of our favorite Catholic wedding favors, and hope that those of you who are in the planning process will find something that suits your needs.

Calligraphy by Sarah Ann Design. Photo by Angela Sostarich.

A print with your favorite spiritual quotation

Hand-lettered prints with quotations from Scripture or the Saints are all the rage right now, and for good reason: they are wonderful reminders of the truth and beauty of the faith that look beautiful in any living space. Our associate editor Christina purchased small “Love is the beauty of the soul” (St. Augustine) prints for each of her guests from Rose Harrington Art. Other options to explore for this kind of favor include Spoken Bride vendors Just Love Prints and Telos Design, as well as When Beauty Met Truth, Be a Heart Design, and Brass & Mint Co. (just to name a few).

A holy card featuring your patron saint(s)

A personalized holy card is a wonderful (and inexpensive) way to both share your faith and encourage your guests to continue to pray for you and with you after the wedding day is over. You could choose a patron saint, an image of Mary and Joseph’s wedding or the wedding at Cana, or any favorite religious image. On the back, consider including your names, wedding date, and a prayer--either a traditional Catholic prayer to that saint, or a prayer that you and your fiance write yourselves.

Bottles of holy water or blessed salt

Holy water and blessed salt are powerful sacramental to keep in the home (or the car, or a purse…), so why not bless your wedding guests with their own bottle? You can find small plastic holy water bottles online (something similar would work for blessed salt), and as long as you have the time to fill them up with tap water or salt and a priest friend who will bless them, this favor won’t add much time or money to your wedding planning.

Rosary or chaplet

A rosary is the wedding favor that keeps on giving; not only will your guests be able to use it for personal prayer, but if you purchase a more unique-looking rosary such as this St. Benedict cord rosary, they will remember to pray for you and your groom each time they use it.

A CD Featuring your Wedding Music

If you and your fiance are music lovers and have the time and talent to do so, consider burning CDs for your guests featuring your own recordings of the music from your wedding Mass, or a collection of your favorite hymns or spiritual songs.

Are you planning on giving out favors at your wedding? We’d love to hear your ideas in the comments!

Three Reasons to Have a "First Look"

JIZA ZITO

We have all heard that it is “bad luck” for the groom to see the bride before the wedding,  and many couples take this tradition quite seriously; however, many do not know about the less-than-romantic origins of this tradition.

During the time when arranged marriages were customary, the betrothed couple was not allowed to see each other before the wedding. Marriage, for many families, was essentially a “business deal.”. The father, who was the head of the household, would ideally marry off his daughter to a rich, land-owning male. Once the engagement was contracted, the parents of the bride and groom would keep the couple apart, fearing that if the groom saw the bride before the wedding and found her unattractive, he wouldn’t go through with the marriage.  While today we think of the wedding veil as a lovely must-have accessory,  its original purpose was also to keep the groom from finding out what the bride looked like until the last possible minute, when it was too late to back out of the transaction. Romantic, huh?

More and more couples today are choosing to buck tradition in favor of the “first look” before the wedding ceremony. While the Church has no definitive stance on first looks, every couple has different reasons as to why they would or would not do a first look. Below are three reasons to consider having a first look, and three alternative ideas to consider if you want to have a moment with your groom before the wedding, while saving the “big reveal” for your walk down the aisle.

Jiza Zito/Olive & Cypress

Maximize your time for photos without sacrificing time at the reception.

While you may have your photographer for 8-10 hours, it’s amazing how fast time flies on the day of your wedding and how easily the timeline can get sidetracked. Most often, portraits with family and the bridal party take longer than expected, and then the next you know, you only have less than 15 minutes to take romantic images of just you and your groom. When you make the first look a priority, it gives you time for those special portraits without being rushed to your cocktail hour or reception. Especially when you also place a large investment into your wedding photography, getting the time to get more photographs of just you and your groom together and in such a candid and special moment can definitely be worth it!

Diminish pre-wedding nerves.

Some couples have a hard time showing emotion in front of a crowd, and understandably so. There is a lot of emotion mounting up to that moment of seeing each other for the first time. When you do a first look with just you and your groom (and your photographer(s) in the background), it gives you both the chance to be yourselves freely while seeing each other for the first time without a crowd of loved ones snapping iPhone photos.

Get some much-needed alone time with your husband.

The first look allows you and your groom to have some alone time before your day gets busy. Unless you set time aside for it later in the day, it’s the only time you both will be alone on your wedding day until you leave the reception. It can also help set the tone for the perfect mood for romantic portraits. Images of just the two of you are also what you’ll decorate your home with and possibly pass down to family, so it makes sense to spend some quality time taking them

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Alternatives to the First Look

While a first look has its many perks, it’s not for every couple. Here are some alternative or additional photography ideas for your big day:

A First Look with Dad or Father Figure

If you’re a self-proclaimed Daddy’s girl, or have a close relationship with another male relative, this is a lovely option to consider. Another idea is also for the father to escort the bride to the first look with the groom.

Emily Jane

A First Look with the Bridal Party

You have been through the engagement party, the bridal shower, and the bachelorette party. Now your bridesmaids are excited to see your completed look on your wedding day. Have your photographer catch their reactions as they finally see you dressed as a bride!

Kinsey Mhire

The “Reach and Pray”

This one is my personal favorite. It’s a beautiful and meaningful way for a bride and groom to come together before the ceremony while still avoiding the pre-wedding first look. You can hold hands around a corner or a door, or keep your eyes closed in a prayerful exchange in your favorite grotto or side chapel.

Elissa Voss Photography

No matter what you decide for photographs on your wedding day, communicate with your photographer and make sure you get enough allotted time to capture images of just you and your spouse. These will be the images that you will always cherish.

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About the Author: Jiza Zito is Spoken Bride's Creative Director and Co-Founder. She is the owner and wedding photographer of Olive & Cypress. Read more

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A Heart of Responsibility for Your Wedding Guests

“Spouses,” wrote Pope St. John Paul II, “are therefore the permanent reminder to the Church of what happened on the Cross; they are for one another and for the children witnesses to the salvation in which the sacrament makes them sharers.” Permanent. Witnesses. In the moments after you and your beloved have spoken your vows, and on through all the rest of this life, you’re given the graces of great joy and a sweetness that lightens crosses to come. You’re also shouldered with a new responsibility: to bear the self-emptying love of Christ to the world--sometimes overtly, and other times without a word.

Her Witness Photography

Responsibility can feel heavy, during the season of wedding planning and beyond: experiencing division in your family relationships because of your faith beliefs, willing the good of your beloved even when your heart’s just not in it, caring for young children. It can also come with a temptation to pride. It might be manifest in a sense of personally desiring to change minds on matters like marriage, contraception, and divorce, whether through direct or indirect rhetorical or religious argument.

These are completely normal, understandable tendencies. Moreover, they’re rooted in a desire that’s good. When you feel so convicted of the joy on tap in a distinctively Catholic wedding and marriage, it’s natural that you want to share its fullness with those you love and help open the door to a new perspective. It’s helpful, in this sense, to view the weight of responsibility to your wedding guests as a way to be witnesses, compassionate yet strong. You can choose to extend an opportunity for understanding the Catholic faith, ever the same, in a new and inviting light.

With a spirit of charity and intentionality in mind, there are ways you can lift up your family and friends in the hope that their hearts be more fully disposed to experience truth, goodness, and beauty on your wedding day.

Pray for your wedding guests.

Ultimately, of course, the point of your wedding is to enter into a sacrament with the one God has called you to love and sanctify. At the same time, the Church is a body, a community. The two of you aren’t in this alone, yet amid the busyness of preparing for your big day, it’s sometimes easy to lose sight of who it’s for. Make a conscious effort to step back and  view your guests as the individuals dear to you and to your families that they are, rather than an endless list of names for whom to track down RSVPs and seating assignments. Prayer, too, can shift your focus for the better. Clarity. Pray for your wedding guests by name as you address their invitations, offer a decade of the rosary for a different individual or family each day, and if you feel comfortable, invite guests to privately share their prayer intentions via email or your wedding website.

Consider limiting alcohol.

Dominic Prummer, O.P., a Dominican priest, wrote, “Drink to the point of hilarity.” This recommendation generally conveys a spirit of giddiness and freedom, but not mere license. If, depending on the dynamics of your guests, you anticipate the possibility of drunkenness putting a damper on your reception, consider choosing alcohol options that encourage choice and intention, rather than zero limits. You might opt for an open bar for the first few hours of the evening, for instance, then switch to cash later in the reception, or consider offering a smaller selection of spirits.

In all things, cultivate charity and peace.

So often, what sets a person of faith apart is in her actions, not just her words or theological arguments. The trials of wedding planning and preparation for marriage--last-minute emergencies, sexual self-control, delicate conversations over matters of faith or etiquette--all present an opportunity to conduct yourself with virtue, and to bear an example of Christ-like love to those in your life. Practically speaking, that might look like choosing peace over overreaction as inconveniences arise, sharing a few minutes of quality face time with each of your guests during your reception, reminding them of their value and your gratitude, and handling conversations about morals or manners with empathy in mind first, and conversion second.

The particular sense of responsibility each couple feels for their wedding guests varies by matters of faith, past wounds, and strengths and weaknesses among family members. We’ve known the pain of division and disagreement ourselves, and the desire to share what is good with loved ones. Know of our prayers for each of you, and know that in the Father all things are made whole--even if the fruits aren’t visible in this life. If there’s a particular way you’ve developed a heart of responsibility for your own friends and family, we’re eager to hear them in the comments and on our social media.

Creating Your Own Wedding Novena

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

One of the beautiful things about Catholic devotional life is that there is a prayer (or prayers) for every problem and occasion. Novenas in particular are increasing in popularity amongst younger generations of Catholics, thanks to sites like PrayMoreNovenas.com. And while engaged couples can find plenty of novenas to pray in preparation for marriage with a simple Google search, my hope is that this post will inspire you and your fiancé (or your maid of honor/best man) to write your own unique novena to pray with your guests in the nine days leading up to your wedding.

I first encountered the idea of a custom novena for someone’s wedding as a college student at the University of Notre Dame; one of my friends wrote a novena for a soon-to-be-married couple I knew. I thought it was such a wonderful idea that I have since offered to write one for my close friends and family who are preparing for marriage, and was blessed to receive the same gift from my sister Elisa (also my maid of honor) when I got married last year. Even if you don’t have someone who can spearhead the novena for you, writing a novena with your fiancé can be a beautiful way to grow as a couple. Below are simple instructions for how to put a novena together and share it with your guests:

Karly Jo Photography

Together with your fiancé, choose nine favorite saints.

These could be your patron saints, saints who have been meaningful to you as a couple, saints whose feast days fall on the days leading up to your wedding, or a combination of all three. My husband and I enjoyed this part of the process, although it was definitely tough to narrow down our list!

Find prayers to those saints that you can customize (or write your own).

Thanks to the internet, this part is surprisingly easy. All you have to do is search for prayers to the saints you’ve chosen and you’ll get lots of options that you can easily customize by inserting your names or changing the wording. If you’re ambitious and have some extra time on your hands, consider writing your own prayers to each Saint. Here’s an example of a modified prayer that I wrote for my sister Elisa’s wedding novena:

St. Joseph, pray for Elisa and Thomas as they begin their life as husband and wife. Pray for Thomas, that he will love Elisa the way that you loved Mary, and that he will teach his children the way you taught your Son. Pray for Elisa, that she will love Thomas the way Mary loved you, and that their union would imitate your holy marriage to Mary. Grant them both, with their future children, the grace of a happy and peaceful death.

Heavenly Father, we thank you for the gift of Christ, and for the gift of his earthly foster father, St. Joseph.

Create an email list of guests who you’d like to pray the novena with and for you.

An invitation to pray, even to those who aren’t Catholic, is never a bad thing. However, if you’re concerned that some of your guests may be offended by the idea of praying a novena for you and your fiancé, that’s something to keep in mind when making your list. I also recommend delegating this task to a bridesmaid or groomsman who can commit to sending out the prayer for each day.

Note: You may have older relatives who do not use email or check it regularly, but would love to participate in the novena. Consider printing and mailing copies of the novena to them; they’ll be so grateful.

Write an explanation of 1) what a novena is and 2) how to pray it for those who are unfamiliar with novenas, and send it out with the first day’s prayer.

Even if all of your guests (or everyone on the email list) are Catholic, it’s still helpful to include a brief explanation of novenas in general and yours in particular. It doesn’t need to be long or detailed. This is the explanation I included with my sister’s novena:

What is a Novena?

A novena is a prayer said over the course of nine days, and is popular in Catholic devotion. Novenas are usually prayed for a special intention and through the intercession of a particular Saint. We ask for the intercession of the saints because they are in heaven and are great prayer warriors. We do not worship the Saints or pray "to" them in the same way that we pray to God. We do honor them for their heroic virtue and holiness, and look to their example as we "work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling" as St. Paul says in Philippians 2:12.

For Elisa and Thomas, each day of the novena is dedicated to one of their favorite Saints. The idea is to have as many of Elisa and Thomas’ family and friends praying for them and their life together on the days leading up to their wedding.

How to pray the novena:

Begin in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Pray the specific prayer for that day.

End with the Our Father and a Hail Mary.

Pray the final novena prayer together with your wedding party before your rehearsal.

Kristian and I had a holy hour before our rehearsal, so we printed copies of our final novena prayer and invited everyone there to pray it with us. Those who were not at the holy hour could still pray it on their own at home.

In my experience, praying a customized wedding novena is a beautiful way to remain focused on the sacrament of marriage in the final (typically crazy) days of wedding preparation. It’s also a wonderful way to invite your guests to support you, especially those who are far away and unable to attend the wedding. My hope is that Kristian and I will pray our wedding novena each year in the nine days leading up to our anniversary, so that we don’t forget the holy men and women who interceded for us as we entered into married life.

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Finding a Beautiful Wedding Gown on a Budget

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Like many women, I imagined my wedding day as a little girl: the church, the flowers, the handsome groom, and the dress. I remember being fascinated by my aunts’ and cousins’ dresses when I went to their weddings as a girl. They looked so beautiful and princess-like, even in the 80s and early 90s when the bridal gown trends toward puffed sleeves and hats with veils attached left something to be desired.

As I grew older, my taste changed, but my desire to look and feel beautiful on my wedding day did not. Even if you’re not a “girly girl” or particularly into fashion, you probably want the same thing. Your wedding dress is something you'll wear while you and your husband-to-be confer the sacrament of marriage on one another, so it makes sense to put some time and thought into it, even if you’re not sartorially inclined. (Note: There is nothing in Catholic tradition or teaching that stipulates that brides must wear a fancy dress, a white dress, or any particular garment on their wedding day.)

But what about the cost? As Catholics, we are called to be good stewards of our money, and anyone who has ever gone to a bridal salon knows that even the lower-end wedding dresses can be priced in the thousands of dollars. If you’re concerned about sticker shock, are on a tight budget, or just can’t stomach the idea of paying more than X amount of money for a dress you’ll only wear for one day, I have good news for you: you can still find a beautiful wedding dress that you love without breaking the bank. You just have to get creative! Below are a few tips and tricks I learned while shopping for my dress, which was a sample dress that I got at a consignment bridal salon, and from friends and family who found their dresses in unconventional places.

Go to a Fancy Salon First to Get a Feel for What You Like

A nice bridal salon is a good place to get a feel for different wedding dress styles, what’s flattering (and not) on you, what materials and fabrics you like, etc. There is no law that says you can’t go to a nice bridal salon, try on a few dresses, and then leave empty-handed. Plus, it’s just fun to go to a nice salon with your girlfriends/sisters/mom and try on pretty dresses.

Know Your Budget, And Stick To It

This is a tough one, but it really makes a difference in the shopping process. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the sheer number of options, but if you have a clear idea not only of what styles you like, but what price points you can afford, everything will go more smoothly.  

Visit Consignment/Sample Dress Shops in Your Area

I found my dress at Second Summer Bride, a consignment bridal salon where most of the dresses are marked down at least 50% from the original price. I went expecting all of the dresses to be pre-owned, but was pleasantly surprised that many of them were sample dresses that were past-season and hadn’t been worn before. Since I wasn’t looking for anything trendy, I didn’t mind that the dresses were from previous seasons, and I ended up finding my dress (which I loved) in less than an hour. The best part (aside from the price): I was able to take the dress out of the store that day, instead of going back to the salon multiple times for fittings, which you typically have to do if you go the fancy bridal salon route.

Detail of my wedding dress from Second Summer Bride. Photo by Leah Muse Photography.

Purchase a Pre-owned Dress Online

After going to several bridal salons, including a couple of consignment stores, my sister found her dress at PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com. The bride who originally wore it had it designed to look like one of Kate Middleton’s dresses, and although it needed alterations to fit my sister, the beauty and price point of the dress was too good to pass up. Other sites, like eBay and Craigslist, also have pre-owned and sample dresses available, but be sure to double-check the return policy before purchasing anything.

Look into the Possibility of a Custom Dress

Believe it or not, a custom made dress can be less expensive than a store-bought dress. If you find a good seamstress in your area (or even online), you can save money and get exactly what you want. Win, win.

Consider Borrowing a Dress from a Family Member or Friend

I know more than one bride who borrowed a friend/family member’s dress for her big day. Obviously, this is a big money-saver, but it can also be a beautiful way to honor your mother, grandmother, or sister at your wedding. If the thought of wearing the exact same dress as someone else is unpalatable to you, remember that your choice of accessories and some minor alterations can make a dress feel brand new.

My sister in the dress she got from Pre-owned Wedding Dresses. Photo by Leah Muse Photography.

Regardless of where you decide to purchase your dress, I hope these tips encourage you to think outside the bridal salon box. And if you purchased a dress from an unconventional source, please share with us in the comments!

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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5 Bridesmaids' Retailers Outside the Bridal Salon Box

There is something radiantly, visibly evident and set apart at the nuptial Mass of a holy, pure-hearted couple, one who understands and embraces taking up the crosses and sweetnesses of marriage. Authentic love has the power to render wedding guests speechless and full of true joy.

When you’ve chosen women of faith and selflessness to stand beside you at the altar, you can be sure their spiritual intercession and ability to enter into your joy will bless your marriage. Being able to share in a friend’s emotional state so deeply is a mark of real friendship and intimacy that tangibly enhances the beauty of a couple’s wedding day.

Elizabeth M Photography

It follows that when it comes to your bridesmaids’ attire, you’ll most likely desire an outward look that magnifies and highlights each woman’s inner beauty. If you’re beginning your search for dresses, we’d like to suggest a few paths less traveled.

Here’s a semi-secret of the wedding industry: bridesmaids’ dresses get a significant markup at bridal shops. Fortunately, alternatives to traditional bridal retailers not only offer an opportunity to save your best ladies some cash, but one to find attire that truly suits your style.  Here, five non-bridal brands with wide and beautiful selections, with plenty under $100:

For everyone: Nordstrom Juniors

As a department store, Nordstrom naturally has pieces to suit any taste, including youthful, elegant Juniors’ formal wear, as well as simpler day and evening dresses, at far lower prices than the designer-heavy Women’s department, and in a wide range of sizes.

If your style is bohemian: Francesca’s Collections

Maybe you’ve shopped here before or have browsed Francesca’s at the mall. The feminine, delicate styles here would fit right in at a casually romantic daytime wedding: lace, embroidery, and a selection of soft colors. They also carry gorgeous jewelry and accessories for your bridesmaids...and for you, the bride!

If you love styles with a nod to the past: Shabby Apple

Featuring different collections that each invoke a particular time and place--Old Hollywood, for instance, or tailored Mad Men-style silhouettes--Shabby Apple’s beautiful dresses have a vintage sensibility that’s never costumey or overdone, just pretty. The company recently expanded from its origins as a small business, maintaining along the way its inspiring mission to dress women with feminine strength “Because they are beautiful. Because they are powerful. Because they have unique distinctions. Because they can use that power and beauty to shape and change the world in individual ways. Because they have always contributed.”

If you like the classics: Dorothy Perkins

The Dorothy Perkins brand might best be described as Red-era Taylor Swift : a little bit classic, a little bit preppy, lots of florals, looks good with red lips. This online retailer offers dozens of styles with one of the widest size ranges available and also offers maternity versions of their popular dresses, both of which get our applause.

If you’re a minimalist: Zara

You’ve probably shopped here, too. Zara’s neutral palette and elegant, spare silhouettes are worth a look if you’ve chosen dark wedding colors (particularly black) and are drawn to a clean, simple aesthetic. Alternatively, their distinctively bold, bright floral patterns would be well-suited to a daytime celebration.

If your wedding is months away, consider shopping for dresses during or right after the season in which your big day will take place. That is, look around for summer wedding dresses in the summer, and winter wedding dresses in the winter; since most non-bridal retailers don’t offer the same selections or types of clothes year-round, it’s smart to plan ahead. Consider these suggestions a starting point for venturing beyond the bridal salon, and if you’ve found beautiful wedding party attire from a less conventional retailer, be sure to share it with our community in the comments or on our social media!

I Dos and Don'ts: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Tracking Your Vendor Payments

ANDI COMPTON

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

Andi recently shared info and worksheets on organizing your vendor contacts; this month, she's designed a user-friendly spreadsheet for keeping track of payments and deadlines.

Planning an event--namely, your wedding--with so many moving parts can be overwhelming. Because you’re working with so many vendors and making so many purchases within a short amount of time, we highly recommend getting everything out of your head, onto paper. That way, it’s simpler to really see what you’ve done and what still needs to addressed.

On that note, this printable tracker is designed to help you keep track of all your vendor payments. Assembling your wedding day dream team is so much fun, but after initial thrill wears off, it’s key to keep good records of whom you have paid, when you did so, how much you still owe, and if you would like to give them a gratuity.

Happy Planning!

Click to download your copy of the Vendor Payment Tracker.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Pre-marital Counseling: The Wedding Gift that Keeps on Giving.

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY 

One of the first things my now husband, Kristian, and I did after we got engaged was call his therapist--who also happens to be a marriage and family counselor--and make an appointment to meet with him as a couple. In the midst of the craziness of wedding planning and adjusting to new jobs, Kristian and I carved out time each week to go to counseling, both as a couple and as individuals. Both of us had been in individual counseling for awhile at that point, which made our premarital counseling even more fruitful. And while it cost money and time, we both agree that going to therapy was the best thing we did (other than praying together daily and frequenting the sacraments) to prepare for marriage.

If you’ve never been to therapy/counseling, this may sound strange. Why would you go to counseling as a couple before you even get married? Doesn’t that mean that you’re “messed up” or crazy--or that your relationship is already on rocky ground? Isn’t therapy just for people with a diagnosed mental illness or serious relationship issues?

Absolutely not. The reality is that we live in a fallen world, and even if we came from a relatively healthy family, we have been wounded by the sins of others--often in ways that can remain hidden until we get engaged, married, or start having children. That said, I know that many Catholics are skeptical about the value of therapy, so I’ve compiled a short list of reasons why you and your fiancé might consider going--either as individuals, a couple, or both.

Photography: 31 Four Artisan Jewelry

Therapy can strengthen your relationship with the Lord.

Our bodies, minds, and souls are so deeply connected that our psychological and emotional wounds can have a negative impact both on our physical health and our relationship with Christ. Some women (and men) have such difficult relationships with their fathers that they find it nearly impossible to address God as “Father.” Before I started going to therapy and taking medication, in spite of my excellent spiritual director, my anxiety was so intense that I could rarely sit still for longer than a few minutes, which made it almost impossible to pray. In my experience, a competent Catholic or Christian therapist can help you reach a deeper level of intimacy with the Lord by giving you the tools to clear out any psychological or emotional obstacles that may be in the way.

Individual therapy helps you identify your wounds and begin to heal.

Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to by physically or sexually abused to have emotional wounds. As you may have already discovered, engagement can bring out old wounds related to family, ex-boyfriends, etc, which can cause fear and anxiety regarding your impending marriage. Regardless of what your wounds are, we all have them. And the only way those wounds will heal is if they are brought into the light.

Self-medication through coping mechanisms (work, shopping, alcohol, food, dieting, exercise, Netflix binging, etc) only works for so long--and it definitely doesn’t work well when you’re trying to love another person in sickness and in health, till death do you part. A competent therapist can help you uncover your wounds, assess them honestly, and begin the healing process so that you can avoid hurting others, especially your future husband and children, because of your wounds.

Your therapist can help you break cycles of dysfunction.

Each one of us comes from a different “school of relationship”; that is, we all learned how to love (or hate), how to fight (or avoid conflict), how to forgive (or hold grudges), how to maintain healthy boundaries (or put up walls), from our families of origin, and especially from our parents--who came from their own schools of relationship that may have been dysfunctional to varying degrees.

No matter how well we were taught by our parents and siblings, we were still taught by flawed human beings. There are probably a few lessons we never learned and a few we need to forget. Therapy can help you and your fiancé sort through what you want to keep from your families of origin, and bring into your own marriage, and what types of dysfunctional behavior you want to avoid. 

Couples therapy can help you and your fiancé pinpoint and work toward resolving potential areas of conflict before you get married.

Marriage and family therapists agree that most couples come to counseling several years too late. The best time to get counseling is before any major problems surface, which is why pre-marital counseling is such a good idea. And while you may be required to meet with a priest or deacon a few times as part of your marriage prep, he simply won’t have the time or training to give you what a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) can. This is especially important if you or your fiancé has a history of addictive behavior, comes from an abusive family, or has experienced trauma of any kind in previous relationships.

A final note: I know many couples worry about the financial strain that paying a counselor may cause, but when you consider that you and your fiancé will be married for the rest of your lives, it becomes clear that putting money toward therapy is a better investment than buying your dream wedding dress, going on a fancy honeymoon, or having two meat options at your reception. Therapy is the only gift that will keep on giving for the rest of your married life.

If you have any questions or want more information on how to locate a Catholic therapist in your area, please email me at christina@spokenbride.com .

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Distinctively Catholic Ways to Commemorate the Dead on Your Wedding Day

As you and your beloved prepare to become one, transforming into your own new family at the altar, matters surrounding your families of origin, and their roles in your wedding plans, tend to highlight the nature of your relationships for better and for worse. One particular wound that might rise to the surface of your hearts is the pain of loss: how can you come to terms with the absence of certain loved ones on your wedding day, and how can you commemorate and honor them, holding them in prayer, as you celebrate?

PHOTOGRAPHY: NICOLE SANDERCOCK PHOTOGRAPHY AS SEEN IN AMANDA + EVAN’S RUSTIC ROSE-COLORED WEDDING

Alongside thoughtful general traditions like lighting candles and displaying photos or albums of those who can’t join you earthside at your wedding, a distinctively Catholic approach to commemorating the dead could look like, first, intercessory prayer, and second, highlighting the uniqueness of every human person. Here, four ways to honor family and friends whom you’ve lost, while actively serving and praying for them:

Invite your wedding guests to pray for the dead.

Particularly if a loved one suffered before his or her death, it’s a common comfort to those left behind to consider that the individual is now at rest or “in a better place.” While, of course, we hold the hope of heavenly freedom for all those we’ve lost, as Catholics we also acknowledge that the road to paradise is merciful, yet just.

Your nuptial Mass presents an invitation to your guests not only to remember those no longer present, but to pray on behalf of their souls. In an In Memoriam section of your Mass program, or during the Prayers of the Faithful, consider writing a brief explanation of intercessory prayer and how it offers an opportunity to continue expressing love and charity for the dead, even when they are no longer with us. Here’s a sample passage from us that you're welcome to include in your text:

When it comes to heaven and eternal rest, Catholics put faith in God’s mercy and justice; that is, “All who die in God's grace and friendship, but still imperfectly purified, are indeed assured of their eternal salvation; but after death they undergo purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church [CCC] 1030). Intercessory prayer is a form of petition in service of another: “In intercession, he who prays looks "not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others" (CCC 2635). As we lift up our intentions at this point in the Mass, we invite you to pray on behalf of [names of those you’d like to commemorate], all souls heaven-bound in purgatory, and all those you have lost, that they might be made holy and enter into the joy of heaven, the Father’s eternal wedding feast.

Raise a glass to a close loved one who can’t attend your wedding in the flesh.

It’s hard to illustrate the reality and emphasize the special nature of each individual human person to those who didn’t personally know him or her, simply because every person is entirely unique and unrepeatable, containing fathomless depths and complexities. If someone you were particularly close to, such as a parent or sibling, is not with you in body on your wedding day, it can be painful to acknowledge that some friends and relatives of your new spouse will never know him or her in this life.

But you can put forth your best effort at bringing this person’s memory to life. Consider delivering a toast describing your loved one to both those who knew him and those who didn’t, expressing the joy you found in your relationship and its effects on you leading to your wedding day. Sharing a glimpse of special individuals gifts others with a revelation of who they are, in a specific, personal way, and what they’ve meant to you.

Carry or use a special item of your loved one’s on your big day.

This might be a sentimental or religious item, like a Rosary or piece of jewelry, but if such an item isn’t an easily available option, brainstorm other family heirlooms or special belongings that might invoke the memory of the person you’ve lost. Ideas you might consider are serving one of her favorite recipes as part of a dessert table, using her china or servingware for you and your spouse’s wedding cake, or displaying a collection of his or hers as part of your reception décor.

Offer the crosses of your engagement and wedding planning for the repose of the souls of those you’ve lost.

What if, among those who aren’t able to be present at your wedding, there’s an individual you shared a difficult relationship with? For those with whom you struggled or those who hurt you in this life--and even for those with whom you didn’t--there is mercy and redemption in offering your trials for their souls. Through a mounting to-do list, spiritual attack, and stress as your big day approaches, you’ll find joy flows from putting another before yourself. Pray for the repose and salvation of the souls of your absent friends and family, and rest in knowing none of your difficulties are meaningless.

We know and understand that significant life events tend to increase the ache of loss. Know of our prayers for you if you’re planning your wedding day without someone you always thought would be with you on the journey, and don’t hesitate to reach out if we can pray for you in a specific way. If there are particular traditions or practices you’ve taken up or included in your Mass and reception plans, ones that have borne healing or fond memories, we’d love to hear them in the comments and on our social media.

Writing Your Own Prayers of the Faithful

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast.

Most of the elements of Catholic wedding liturgies are pretty set in stone, as they should be: the liturgy is not a human creation but a divine gift, and the structure and unity of the Mass reminds us of this truth. What many couples don’t realize is that, as long as you keep within certain guidelines, you and your fiancé are permitted to write your own prayers of the faithful for your nuptial Mass. Kristian and I ended up with 21 petitions (What can I say? I love intercessory prayer!), but I don’t think anyone at our wedding minded. In fact, a few guests asked me to share our prayers of the faithful with them after the wedding, so that they could use them during personal prayer.

Yorch Sans Fotografia

If you’re not familiar with the process of writing intercessory prayers, or the idea intimidates you, be not afraid! It’s not as difficult as it sounds, and below you’ll find lots of tips and even examples that you can copy and paste directly from this post to include in your own prayers of the faithful.

Before we get into specifics, there are two things to keep in mind when writing liturgical petitions:

Petitions should not be mini-homilies. Keep them short and sweet, and keep the tone prayerful vs. preachy.

Follow the Church’s preferred petition order: pray for the Church first, then the world, the burdened, the local community, the dead, and your personal intentions.

Let’s break each of those down:

Prayer(s) for the Church.

Every act of liturgical Catholic prayer (including the liturgy of the hours) is the prayer of the entire Church. Thus, it makes sense that we always include the Body of Christ in our general intercessions. The minimalist way to go is to pray a broad and general prayer for the Church, which is fine, but if you want to be a bit more specific, consider including some or all of the following:

For the Holy Father, Pope Francis [add your specific intention for the Holy Father here]...

For Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI [add your specific intention for Benedict XVI here]...

For all bishops, priests, and deacons, especially those present at this Mass [you can name them here]...

For all religious and consecrated men and women, especially [insert name of religious men and women among your friends and family]...

For all lay Christians, that through prayer, the grace of the Sacraments, and acts of charity, we might become more credible witnesses to our friends and family who do not know Christ.

For the healing of the divisions among Christians--that we may all be of one heart and mind as Jesus prayed we would be.

For all persecuted Christians, that they would be strengthened and encouraged by our prayers and advocacy.

Prayer(s) for the world.

As Catholics, we are called to love all of God’s creation, including people with whom we disagree, those we consider our enemies, the poor, the disenfranchised, our government leaders, and so on. For example:

For an end to attacks on human dignity throughout the world, especially human trafficking, abortion, pornography, economic injustice, war, and religious persecution.

For our government leaders...

Prayer(s) for the burdened. This one is pretty self-explanatory, and provides us with the opportunity to honor those who are suffering from sickness or other burdens among our families and friends.

For all of the sick, especially those in our families, that they would experience the healing power of Christ. In particular, we pray for [insert names of family and friends who are sick here].

Prayer(s) for the local community.

This is your opportunity to pray for your guests. Kristian and I focused on vocations, specifically the vocation to marriage.

For all married couples, especially those who are carrying heavy crosses, that they would receive the strength and hope that they need to be visible signs of Christ’s love in the world.

For all couples who struggle with infertility, that they would know of Christ and his Mother’s closeness to them in their suffering.

For all couples who are divorced or separated, that they would receive the grace of healing and forgiveness.

For all of those single men and women who are waiting for the fulfillment of their vocation, that they would receive the grace to live this time well, with the hope that comes from knowing that their lives are in God’s hands. [Note: My friend Anamaria included a petition like this in her wedding Mass, and I was so touched that she remembered her single friends that I made a mental note of it in case I ever got married.]

Prayer(s) for the dead.

This is a wonderful opportunity to honor those in your families who aren’t able to attend your wedding in the flesh. Many couples opt to name all of their loved ones who have died in recent years. Example: 

For the salvation of all of our beloved dead, especially [include names of deceased loved ones here]. May all of those who mourn their loss be comforted by the hope of the Resurrection.

Personal intentions.

This is where you have a lot of freedom to pray for whatever is most dear to your hearts as a couple, such as your family’s role in bringing you to this sacrament, your friends, former mentors, and of course, your own marriage. Here’s what we did:

In thanksgiving for Christina and Kristian’s parents, who gave them the gifts of life, love, and faith in Christ and his Church.

In thanksgiving for Christina and Kristian’s siblings, nieces and nephews, and extended families, whose love, prayers, and support throughout the years have been instrumental in bringing them to the altar of marriage.

For the intentions of the Dehan, Lyons, Jaloway, and Ruhnke families.

For all of Christina and Kristian’s former students, that they would become the men and women God created them to be.

For Christina and Kristian, that they would never tire of loving one another as Christ has loved us.

Yorch Sans Fotografia

We hope this guide is helpful for those of you who want to write your own prayers of the faithful, but aren’t sure where to start; please feel free to share it with all of the Catholic brides-to-be that you know. For those of you who are already married, did you write your own intentions or use the pre-written ones provided by your priest/deacon? We’d love to hear from you in the comments!

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Editors' Picks | Vol. 7: Registry Essentials

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

Creating a registry can be a daunting task, especially if you're one of the first among your friends to tie the knot. Keep in mind that registering for gifts, as awkward as it may seem, is actually a gift to the family and friends who want to celebrate your marriage; a well-planned registry takes the guesswork out of gift-giving. We've compiled our registry essentials below, and hope they will be a helpful start to your list. 

Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Quality Serveware: Splurge on serveware! These are pieces that you’ll want to pull out for guests or special occasions. As a family, we are called to be a home for our community and a welcoming space for all of God’s people. Having nice servingware is a way to have fun with hospitality.  Whether it’s a cheese platter or a nicer serving bowl, go ahead and put them on your registry.

Experiences: Something Hunter and I have enjoyed exploring while setting up our registry, is having the option to add “experience” gifts to our list. Registries like Zola, allow you to put experiences such as a “Night Out on the Town” or a “Travel Fund” essentially act as gift cards. Multiple guests can contribute to the experience and give you and your fiance the means to have experiences that you wouldn’t otherwise.

Beautiful Artwork: Wall art isn’t usually something that you would buy for yourself, but it will definitely brighten your home and make it feel like your own special place. Make sure to include gorgeous Catholic art like The Annunciation by Henry Ossawa Tanner, Blessed Is She’s prints, or the 2015 World Meeting of Families Icon.

Christina, Associate Editor

It hasn't been long since I put together my registry, so I can honestly say each of these items is much-loved and much-used in our home. If you're looking for a convenient one-stop registry website, I highly recommend Zola. 

Instant Pot: I’ve always been a fan of my Crockpot, but the Instant Pot has knocked it right out of first place in terms of hassle-free cooking. Since Kristian and I got married, I’ve used the Instant Pot at least once a week to cook everything from soup to pulled pork. It’s like a Crockpot, but instead of waiting 8 hours to eat the tenderest meat of your life, it takes 45 minutes thanks to the fact that it’s a high tech pressure cooker. You can also steam vegetables (including potatoes), make yogurt, sauté onions and garlic before adding in your main ingredients...the list goes on.

Psalter for Couples: Kristian and I make it a point to pray together before we go to bed each night, and this Psalter has been a wonderful addition to our prayer life. The folks who publish the Magnificat have carefully chosen Psalms (each followed by a short prayer) for couples to pray together in different seasons and on different occasions throughout married life.

A high-quality set of knives: Growing up in a family where cooking wasn’t really a thing left me with little appreciation for a good set of knives. Now, thanks to lots of trial and error during my single years, I know that a high quality set of knives is essential if you want to cook efficiently and safely. For those nervous that the high price of a full set will scare people away from purchasing knives, consider registering for individual knives, or small companion sets of knives.

Stephanie, Editor-in-Chief and Co-Founder

Picture frames and photo printing credits: As my sixth anniversary approaches, I sometimes shake my head at the fact that I’ve never had a wedding album made--immediately following our wedding, money was tight and my husband and I couldn’t afford extensive album design and creation with our photographer. Quality wedding images are an investment, but they’re an instant treasure you won’t regret. Choose a set of classic, coordinated frames like these for easy display in your new home once you’ve received your photos, and speak with your photographer about whether he or she offers gift cards for album services that your guests can purchase, or for recommendations for high-quality print labs.

Family Bible: As you enter into the sacrament of marriage, a whole new sacramental life begins with the two of you. A beautifully crafted Bible like this one, with a special section to record those who participated in your nuptial Mass, along with, God willing, future Baptisms, First Communions, Confirmations, and your children’s vocations, becomes an heirloom record of a shared life in Christ.

Quality tool set: It’s not as romantic as champagne flutes or down pillows, but through moves, furniture (and maybe down the road, toy) assembly, and ordinary household tasks, a set of well-made tools will see you through countless instances you didn’t think you needed them for. My husband picked out this set by Stanley when we got married, and even now it gets at least weekly use and has held up great. I asked him about recommending tools, and from him to you, his advice is to choose quality over quantity: the biggest set isn’t necessarily the most useful, and the lowest price might tend toward a more temporary item than a long-term investment. 

Andi, Business Director

Lodge Cast Iron Skillet: I never thought I'd want or even use something like this, but here I am using it pretty much every day to make veggies, grilled cheese, and more.

Bath Sheets: I had no idea giant, cozy bath sheets ever existed before my husband Matt asked me to register for them. They're the best! We've had towels from Pottery Barn, Bed, Bath, & Beyond, and Macy's, but these are my absolute favorite because they are so soft.

Measuring Cups and Spoons: I've used these daily for almost 10 years and they still look brand new. They definitely hold up to the wear and tear of family life.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Cast Iron Skillet: You can't go wrong with a quality cast iron skillet. It's sturdy, versatile, economical, and has great heat distribution. I love how you are able to use it on the stovetop, for baking, or even outdoors for camping. And if you take good care of it, it will last you a long time.

Quality Flatware: When my husband and I were engaged and creating our registry, I teased him about how long he took selecting a silverware set. He went down the aisle, lifting the various forks and knives to see which ones had a good weight. I thought it was silly at the time, but eight years later, our silverware is still going strong, and anytime I reach for our set of Dollar Tree flatware from his single days, I notice a huge difference. Here's to spoons that don't bend when you're scooping ice cream! 

Items for your family oratory: Did you know you can create a Catholic gift registry? Religious art and some prayer books aren't exactly inexpensive. My husband and I created a Catholic gift registry for our wedding with Aquinas and More, and we were so thankful to receive some religious icons that otherwise would have taken some time and saving to purchase ourselves. When you get married, you're building the domestic church, so why not give your loved ones an opportunity to help create your first oratory?

We love making new discoveries, particularly from Catholic vendors--share your registry gift ideas in the comments or on our social media!

Elise's Wedding | 5 Ways to Thrive During the Last Few Weeks of Your Engagement

ELISE CRAWFORD

Save the date ...our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

Photography by Meaghan Clare Photography

I'm writing this at 11:30pm after a full day of work in D.C. with clients, calls with my team and giving a talk this evening to a group of women business owners. I'm tired. Physically, yes but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Wedding planning can be fun and full of exciting adventures, but what happens when it's....not? I think every woman who has gotten married can identify a moment in their planning process when she's thought to herself, "I'm so ready for this to be all over with and just be married already!"

There's no doubt when preparing to enter into the sacrament of marriage that you will experience some sort of spiritual battle; the Enemy trying to keep you from becoming the woman God has made you to be. I've been engaged for almost four years: that's a long time to be engaged in a singular battle! There are so many ups and downs when it comes to wedding planning and as your wedding day draws even closer, those waves of overwhelm can seem to come in faster and even more ferociously. 

No matter how long you've been engaged, I'm sure you can relate to the feeling of fatigue and burnout during the last few weeks leading up to your wedding. Below I'm sharing my five tips for thriving during your final days of engagement. Enjoy and feel free to leave your own tips in the comments!

Stay close to the Eucharist.

 As I mentioned before, I've definitely noticed an increase in spiritual battle or struggle as my wedding day draws near. They can be identified as small or feelings of discouragement and overwhelm or an increased tendency to lose your temper. The Enemy plays on your weaknesses, particularly as you are about to enter into the sacred bonds of marriage. Spend some extra time alone with Christ during the last few weeks of your engagement in order to remain focused. Although you are about to give yourself completely and freely over to another in marriage, Jesus will always be your first Love. Let him nourish you, love you and sanctify you as draw closer to Him. Amp up your prayer life. Although it might seem impossible to fit in anything else in your schedule, it's important to prioritize daily Mass, confession and quiet prayer even more intensely as your big day draws near. 

Write everything down.

 This might seem like an obvious task, but I didn't even think about mapping out the next couple of months leading up to my wedding until I was complaining to a friend about how I didn't even know where to start when it came to everything that still needs to get done. Of course I had thought about having a day-of timeline for my wedding, but now that August 12th is just weeks away, it's been incredibly helpful to take time to write out every little thing that needs to get done before our wedding day, then share it with my bridesmaids, mom and whomever else is helping us prepare. That way, I don't feel like all of the weight of wedding planning is on just my shoulders, and I can breathe knowing there are others who know what needs to be accomplished.

Spend more intentional time together as a couple.

Protect your relationship as a couple. This might sound defensive, but unless you intentionally schedule time with your beloved during these busy weeks, it's not going to happen. It's important to cling to one another during this time. You are both about to experience a life-changing moment together. Engagement is a time of new challenges and maybe unexpected difficulties. Whatever stresses, worries and fears that you are experiencing, these are opportunities for you to grow stronger as a couple. But you can't do that unless you spend time together! Set apart time each week where you do not plan or talk about your upcoming nuptials (or at least keep the wedding chatter to a minimum) and just enjoy each other's company. Take time to still get to know your fiancé and fall even more in love together. Cherish this special time.

Take time for self-care.

 As Nicole Caruso mentioned in our Bridal Makeup Tutorial, it's incredibly important as a bride to take time for self-care. It might be the last thing on your mind, but when you don't take time to prepare yourself, mentally, emotionally and physically, for your new life as a wife, you can fall into the trap of losing perspective. Make sure to schedule time for not only prayer, but doing things that you love. That can be working out, taking a yoga class, reading a book from your favorite genre, attending counseling, taking a bath with your favorite bath salts or getting a massage. I'd highly recommend journaling during this time as well. Journaling helps me assess where I am emotionally and spiritually. Whatever self-care means to you, take time to do something just for yourself and relax. 

Let it go.

 In the words of Elsa, let it go. During your final weeks of engagement, remain focused on why you're getting married in the first place. You are being called into a sacred union with your beloved and Jesus Christ. Along with your to-do list, create a list of things that you are okay with not getting done before your wedding day. These might be last-minute DIY projects or fun ideas that just aren't getting executed. It's okay if not everything comes together as you had imagined. Your wedding day is just one day and at the end of it, you'll be married, which is all that matters!

Let go of any pressure that others, or you, are putting on yourself and go with the flow. If the florist doesn't get your order quite right or the ring bearers' suits aren't the perfect color, it's still going to be a beautiful day. Enjoy these last days of being a bride and soak up every moment. It only happens once! 

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About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

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I Dos and Don'ts: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Organizing Your Vendors + Downloadable Contact List

ANDI COMPTON

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

We've talked vendor interviews and booking before in this series. Now let's get you a system for organizing them. 

As you're working hard researching and interviewing vendors, signing contracts and paying deposits, it's so important to keep track of everyone you've hired. By filing in all the vital contact details, you'll be able to find your photographer's phone number when you need it, or have your floral designer's address at your fingertips when it's time to write the final balance check.

Don't forget to keep all of your contracts in one place, preferably a binder or folder. Whether a coordinator or a family friend is running your wedding day, the info you provide will let them know exactly what is expected of each vendor. 

Download your free copy of our Vendor Contact List, covering everything from initial bookings through post-reception arrangements for you and your new husband, right here.

Happy Planning!

Download your copy of the Vendor Contact list

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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The Importance of Healthy Boundaries During Wedding Planning

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Wedding planning is stressful no matter how you slice it, but when you throw two different extended families into the mix, things can get…complicated. The mother of the bride wants everyone dressed in tuxes and evening gowns, while the mother of the groom insists on a more casual dress code. One side of the family isn’t Catholic and doesn’t understand why the wedding party can’t break out the bubbly right before the wedding Mass. Or perhaps the guest list is the bone of contention: one set of parents insists on everyone being invited—budget notwithstanding—including that friend-of-the-family you haven’t seen since you were two years old.

What some couples don’t realize is that there is an emotionally healthy and charitable way to keep these potential conflicts. By setting clear boundaries with both of your families, you’ll not only avoid wedding planning drama (and the tears that accompany it), you’ll also be setting the tone for your future interactions with extended family.

Be realistic about how much autonomy you and your fiancé can expect during the planning process.

If your parents are paying for some or all of the festivities, you probably can’t reasonably insist on having complete control over the details—especially when it comes to the reception. Think of it this way: this is your parents' gift to you. Normally, we don’t get to choose the gifts that others give us; we simply accept them, even if they’re not exactly what we wanted. No matter how frustrated you may get during the planning process, remember that at the end of the day, you and your husband will be married, which is what matters.

That said, if you want total control from soup to nuts, you’ll need to pay for most everything yourself (like one of our recent contributors, Katie, and her now-husband did). This may not be an option for young couples who are getting married right out of college or grad school, but it’s definitely something to consider if you and your fiancé have been working in the “real world” for a few years.

Communicate clearly from the beginning.

Figure out what you’re willing to compromise on, and what’s non-negotiable for you and your fiancé, and discuss it with both sets of parents as soon as possible. A face-to-face meeting of some kind (FaceTime counts) is preferable, as emails can be easily misinterpreted. Make sure your parents and future in-laws know how much you value their support and input, but make it clear that there are certain things you’re not willing to budge on—especially when it comes to the nuptial Mass. This will be particularly important if one set of parents isn’t Catholic.

Remember that you’re laying the groundwork for your new family’s future.

After you get married, your primary family unit is you and your husband, not you and your family of origin. This is a tough transition to make, especially if you’re close to your family or are still working on establishing healthy boundaries with them. Think of engagement and wedding planning as a trial run for newlywed life, when parents and siblings may struggle to accept that your primary roles are not daughter/sister anymore. You and your future husband are a team, and the more you act as a team while engaged, the easier it will be to set healthy boundaries with your families in the future—especially if you have children.

Don’t be afraid to say “no” (charitably).

Christian charity is not the same thing as being a doormat. Yes, it’s difficult to say “no” to your well-meaning family members (or future in-laws) when they offer their opinions, advice, or assistance, but there is a kind way to do so. The key is to thank them whole-heartedly for their suggestion, and calmly explain that you and your fiancé have already decided to go in a different direction.

Enlist your fiancé's help.

Your fiancé is your biggest ally and can encourage you as you try to establish boundaries, especially with your own family. Make sure you keep him in the loop as much as possible, so that he can call you out if he sees that boundaries are being crossed in either direction. On the flip side, be sure to let him know if you feel like he needs to work on boundaries with his family, especially if you feel as though he is prioritizing his family’s feelings over yours.

If you want to learn how to establish healthy boundaries, consider discussing the topic with a pre-martial counselor in your area. You and your fiancé may also want to check out the following books as part of your marriage preparation:

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman

Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody

Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do by Dr. Tim Clinton

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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I Dos and Don'ts: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | The Booking Phase of Your Engagement

ANDI COMPTON

The booking phase is one of my favorite parts of wedding prep because after all your initial dreaming, you finally get to assemble a team to bring your vision and all your plans to life.

If you’re following the phase approach to wedding planning suggested in this series, you’ve already solidified many budget-related matters. As you move forward into booking, bear in mind that “affordable” is not a number. I see lots of requests online for brides seeking an “affordable” florist/coordinator/photographer, and frankly, affordable means something different to each couple.

Know how much you are willing to spend for each vendor, and be honest and up front when asking for recommendations. It’s much easier for a friend or coordinator to give you a recommendation when you ask “Do you of any local wedding photographers who cost less than $3,000?” than “Do you know of any affordable local photographers?”

Here are three tips to guide you as you research, interview, and hire vendors:

Order matters.

Certain categories of vendors tend to book a year or more in advance. This is generally limited to vendors who can only handle one event per day, or to those who are extremely popular in their area. Examples might include reception venues with only one event space or independent wedding photographers who are not part of a larger company. Prioritizing a particular order helps you focus, so you can assemble your dream team one vendor at a time.

First Priority:

Church

Reception Venue

Wedding Coordinator

Photographer

Caterer

Wedding Dress

Second Priority:

Videographer

Rentals (chairs, tables, linens, lounge furniture)

Florals

Ceremony and Reception Musicians

Bridesmaid Attire

Stationer

Cake/Dessert Baker

Hairstylist

Makeup Artist

Menswear

Third Priority:

Transportation

Seamstress for Alterations

Lighting Designer

Bartending Service

Rehearsal Dinner/Morning After Brunch Venue

Keep in mind an exception to this list: if there is a vendor in any category that you really want to work with, prioritize them in your budget and book them as early as possible.

Scroll down for download link. 

Limit interviews.

Limit yourself to interviewing 1-3 vendors per category. By all means, research as many individuals as you’d like, but only take the time to meet with those who are within your budget and whose product or service you truly like. It can quickly become overwhelming to interview 12 different photographers and try to remember each of them and the communication you’ve had. For some, the constant need to research and meet with vendors can become addicting, so strive to be aware of the possibility, know yourself, and slow down if you find yourself obsessing over anything. Click here for Elise's suggested interview questions for major vendors.

You aren’t booked until you sign a contract.

Even if a vendor has sent you a proposal, to which you’ve sent an enthusiastic response, you have not officially booked them until you’ve signed a contract and put down a deposit. Vendors often have many couples seeking their services for the same date. Depending on their policies, some might offer a few days to make your decision; others work with whatever couple submits their contract and deposit first. When in doubt, ask what a company’s booking policy is!

As our gift to you, we’ve created a free printable checklist for the booking phase to keep all your vendor details in one location. I highly suggest keeping a two inch binder with these sheets, along with a hard copy of each of your contracts.

Happy Planning!

Click here to download the Booking Checklist.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party, where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Editors' Picks | Vol. 6: Bridesmaids Gifts

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

If you choose, your wedding party has the potential to be so much more than the friends and family members who join you on the altar and circle around during your first dance. These men and women can be powerful, loving intercessors during engagement and throughout your marriage--for that, and for all their assistance and investment preparing for your big day and standing next to you as you say your vows, they deserve a worthy thank you! Today we're sharing some of our favorite gifts for bridesmaids.

Christina, Associate Editor

When purchasing gifts for my bridesmaids--who were all close family members--I tried to give them something that they could use and enjoy beyond the wedding day. I ended up putting together gift bags with the following four items, and my bridesmaids loved them.

Anthropologie House & Home items: I got each of my bridesmaids a personalized mug except for my cousin, who got a candle--she has limited cabinet space and had mentioned to me before that she didn’t want anymore mugs. Anthropologie is my go-to for this kind of thing, and my secret to keeping costs down is to scour the sale section. Candles and mugs are often on sale for as little as $6!

Literary Heroine Bookmark: All of my bridesmaids love to read, and although they’re not all quite as nerdy as I am, I knew they’d appreciate one of these darling bookmarks from Carrot Top Paper Shop. Each got a different heroine, although I couldn’t resist giving my sister Elisa, my Maid of Honor, Anne of Green Gables and Hermione.

Earrings: Each of my bridesmaids wore a different, self-selected dress, so I decided to get them all similar earrings to pull everything together on the big day. As much as I wanted the gifts to be a surprise, I also wanted my maids to like their earrings enough to get post-wedding wear out of them, so I asked each about their preferred style of earring and got them all at Anthro, which I knew would be a hit.

Letter of gratitude: By far my favorite part of the bridesmaid gift bag was the personalized thank you notes that I wrote to each of my maids. Each of them is so precious to me, and since I’m a Words-of-Affirmation gal, I couldn’t help telling them so on my wedding day. I knew I wouldn’t have time to sit down with each of them before the wedding and pour my heart out, but a letter is the next best thing. I chose cards from Papersource that reflected each of our relationships and spent time in the weeks leading up to the wedding crafting well-thought out letters of gratitude to my two sisters, sister-in-law, and cousin-who-might-as-well-be-a-sister. It was one of my favorite parts of the wedding planning process, and I’m so glad I took the time to do it.

Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Plum Pretty Sugar Robes: I'm excited to be gifting my bridesmaids with these comfy robes for all of us to wear as we get our hair and makeup done the morning of my wedding! It's the perfect way to make your bridesmaids to feel pampered and comfortable during prep time, and always fun to match with your best girls!  

Customized makeup bags: These bags would be perfect for holding personal makeup while prepping for the wedding. Bonus: this bag can double as a clutch for your bridesmaids throughout the wedding day. Hello makeup retouch en route to the reception! 

Holy Family medal: A small medal of the Holy Family, the Blessed Mother or each bridesmaid's patron saint is a thoughtful way for you to add a spiritual touch to your wedding party gifts. If you want, you can have the medals blessed and even pray with them in the weeks leading up the wedding, before gifting them to your bridesmaids. 

Stephanie, Editor in Chief + Co-Founder

Mystic Monk Coffee or Tea + Brick House in the City Mug: Depending when in the day your wedding is, your getting-ready time can be anywhere from before dawn to a somewhat normal breakfast hour. Either way, ease into hair, makeup, and photos by treating each of your bridesmaids to her favorite hot drink. A box of gourmet coffee or tea--Mystic Monk is delicious and supports our Carmelite brothers in monastic life--along with a mug to remember the day by, elevates a normal morning ritual into a time worth remembering. One of our brides designed mugs as a favor for her guests; I also love this one from Brick House in the City, a Catholic-owned small business!

Naves Design Clutch: Between pajamas or getting-ready outfits, shoes, makeup, accessories, snacks, chargers, emergency items, and beyond, every bridesmaid has plenty to carry over the course of a wedding day. A pretty clutch, like this handmade one, helps your ladies keep their essentials close at hand through traveling and photo ops, and a metallic or neutral shade is classic and versatile enough for long after the big day.

Makeup brush set: If you’re all doing your own makeup, quality tools feel like a treat and can ease and simplify application. A set of brushes is the kind of item I’d never think to buy for myself, but would love to receive as a gift, one I know I’d frequently use. This budget option from EcoTools and this higher-end option from Too Faced each boast good looks and come well-reviewed by beauty-savvy women.

Andi, Business Director

Pretty Please Custom Nail Polish: Toss a fun shade of nail polish into a bag with some additional pampering essentials. It's fun receiving gifts of little luxuries you wouldn't normally purchase for yourself.

Telos Art Spiritual Bouquet: A beautiful image to accompany a personal list of prayers and intentions from you, to each of your bridesmaids.

Quality time: Nothing beats quality time with your best girlfriends and sisters. Treat the members of your bridal party to lunch, manis and pedis, a besties day at your favorite tourist trap...whatever gives you ladies great bonding time!

Tote Bag: My friend once gave each bridesmaid an LL Bean Medium tote bag, personalized with our initials and filled with a giant, fuzzy bathrobe. They're excellent quality bags--I still have mine almost 10 years later!

Flats or Flip Flops for the reception: Give your maids some cute shoes for the reception so they can tear up the dance floor. Personally, I love seeing bright, fun shoes paired with fancy bridesmaid dresses.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Bridesmaid Emergency Kit: The morning of the wedding can sometimes be crazy, so gifting an emergency kit is just a small way to help everyone have what they might need at the last minute. 

BHLDN Botanic Garden Robes: As a wedding photographer, I always love when all of the bridesmaids are in coordinating or matching robes while getting ready. It makes for a super cute group photo with the bride, attractive & modest "getting ready" photos (because no one wants to be photographed in pajamas, tank tops, or bras), and it's something your bridesmaids can continue to use after the wedding day.

My Saint My Hero "Trinity" Necklace: Looking to give a piece of beautiful jewelry to your bridesmaids? My Saint My Hero now offers these petite necklaces that are both feminine and a beautiful reminder of our faith. The Swarovski crystal comes in a few different colors, so you can pick one that coordinates with your wedding theme.

We love making new discoveries, particularly from Catholic vendors--share your bridesmaid gift ideas in the comments or on our social media!

I Dos and Dont's: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Stewardship and the Practicals of Working Out Your Budget

ANDI COMPTON

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

Today, Andi breaks down an essential part of early wedding planning--creating and allocating your budget--and has created two worksheets to share with your fiancé and your families to clarify what each party values most for your wedding and to identify each of your financial contributions. They're beautifully designed, comprehensive resources we're thrilled to offer you!

Meaghan Clare Photography

As a wedding coordinator, I take wedding budgets very seriously. They represent a huge commitment of time and money from the bride, groom, and often both of their families. Sometimes it’s the largest event any of them have hosted! 

It’s easy to overspend if you don’t take time at the very beginning of the planning process to set a reasonable budget everyone is comfortable with, and to constantly update it and make sure you're all on the same page.

As Christians, we are called to be good stewards of the gifts God has given us, including our finances. Luke's Gospel asks us, “Which of you wishing to construct a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if there is enough for its completion? Otherwise, after laying the foundation and finding himself unable to finish the work the onlookers should laugh at him and say, ‘This one began to build but did not have the resources to finish.'” (14:28-30)

The same principles apply to planning any kind of party. We start with our not-so-glamorous budget and offer it up to God. And from there, we can move on to making the fun decisions and indulging a little in the perks of being a bride.

I share the budgeting tips below with my clients and really, with anyone who wants to talk weddings with me:

Prioritize.

I’m going to say something I’ve never heard another wedding industry pro say: aside from your nuptial Mass and marriage license, everything else in this process is optional. Everything.

You don’t have to send out paper invitations, eat cake, wear a white dress, carry a bouquet, or even have a single photo taken to become man and wife. All those things are wonderful traditions that are fun to choose, but they are not what binds you to one another for life.

So here’s what you do: prioritize. Separately from each other, write down the top 3-5 wedding elements that are the most important to each of you, and the 3-5 that aren’t very important to you, i.e. categories in which you wouldn't mind spending less money or deferring to your beloved's choices.

Here’s a little sample:

Her High Priorities: Music for Mass, Wedding dress, color scheme for reception, Invitations, coordinator

His High Priorities: Readings for Mass, style of Tuxes for me and groomsmen,  good food at reception, photographer/videographer, good Cake

Her Low Priorities: Music for Reception, Reception Bar, Limos

His Low Priorities: Transportation, Flowers, Bridesmaid dresses, invitations

As you talk and discuss these together, come up with your own unified list of priorities to focus on. Categories with higher priorities get booked first and generally have a larger amount of money spent on them. Categories with lower priorities can be done by friends and family, delegated to parents or family to decide on, or omitted entirely.

Leave a little wiggle room.

When planning a big event with lots of moving parts to it, things happen. A pair of shoes gets forgotten 100 miles away and you dash to the mall for another pair. You’re suddenly starving and make a Jamba Juice run for the bridal party between the ceremony and reception. You decide to go overtime with your reception vendors and add an extra hour to the party because everyone is having so much fun. Additional, unexpected situations arise, and it’s best to leave at least 5-10% of your budget open for these possibilities.

Accept.

Another shocking fact: no one gets everything they want. Even couples with a $100,000 budget still have to pick and choose what matters and make compromises to stay on budget. Yes, that might look like skipping a 10-minute firework show and choosing to have your guests wave sparklers at the end of the night instead. But ultimately, no couple gets every single element they want unless they have unlimited money. Learning to accept that compromise is a part of life, and sticking to your budget is excellent practice for marriage!

Thank those who have contributed to your day in any way. 

Really take the time to thank your parents, grandparents, godparents, friends, and anyone who has contributed to your wedding financially or with the gift of their time. They are not obligated to give you your dream wedding, and chances are, they've made sacrifices to give you as much as possible. Sending a kind note, taking them out to dinner or on a fun day trip, or giving a gift at your rehearsal dinner are all beautiful ways of showing your appreciation.

Enjoy the fruits of your labor!

When the day you've been preparing for spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically finally comes, surrender it to God. Don't stress the details, and be intentional and present. Hire a day-of coordinator if you prefer, or designate a family member or friend be the point of contact for all your vendors so that you can just soak everything in. Your budget will still be there Monday morning after your wedding, and some expenses may not be finalized until then. If possible, it's nice to wait until after your honeymoon to wrap everything up.

My final piece of wedding budget is advice is to never, ever, ever, ever take out debt to throw a party. Do what you can with what you have--another great life lesson.

Now I want to hear from you! What have you and your groom prioritized as most important and least important for your wedding? 

Download the Budgeting resources below:

• Budget Priorities Sheet

• Budget Planning Sheet

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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