Jamie + Seth | Astronomy-Inspired Wedding

Jamie and Seth reconnected at the perfect time in Jamie's life: as she was returning to the Church and rediscovering her relationship with Christ. Through the instantaneous peace she felt on their first date, to the tranquil joy of their wedding day, Jamie experienced, through Seth, the peace that only God can give. 

From the Bride: Peace and calmness. These are not words my friends and family use to describe me, and it was not how my heart felt--until I met Seth.

Christ's plan is always bigger than ourselves, and this is easy for us to forget. In 2013, the Lord began stirring my heart and was slowly guiding me back to the Catholic Church. At the same time I moved back to Maryland and was reunited with an old theatre friend from five years prior. Spending time with him was joyful and encouraging. He made me feel safe and loved from the start. I remember getting ready for our first date and thinking, "Why am I so calm?" Little did I know that God was foreshadowing my wedding day, when my bridesmaid said, "You are the most calm bride I have ever seen."

It wasn't easy getting from that first date to the wedding day, but like any journey that follows Jesus, it made us stronger. I was dating my future husband and re-converting to the church simultaneously, and the processes were surprisingly similar. The confusion and frustration that can be part of a relationship with Christ also comes with a relationship with a spouse. The happiness, enrichment, and goodness that comes as a result of loving the Lord is also a result of loving your spouse. Understanding what loving another person meant helped me to fall deeply in love with Jesus Christ, as well. 

Seth and I began going to Mass every week together, provoking wonderful conversations about the Church. He shed light on so many parts of being Catholic that I struggled with. It is one of the many ways our left brain and right brain balance works so well. Planning for the sacrament of marriage was unbelievably fruitful in learning even more about Christ's love for us and about the Catholic traditions.

When planning our wedding Mass, it was important to us that the entire congregation felt loved. We wanted our love for one another to be a clear reflection of Christ's love for His people. Having many religious backgrounds present at our wedding, we wanted to minimize the confusion of the Mass and enhance the importance of the Mass parts. Upon entering the stunning St. Alphonsus Church, each guest was taken aback by its beauty. I like to think that it is only a reflection of our wonder and awe of Jesus.

Our wedding program was designed in a way that people would feel comfortable with what was happening next. It also had short explanations about the presentation of flowers to Mary and of the Eucharist. Father John truly captured Christ's love for each person in that church during his homily. It wasn't until the reception that we learned how many guests had never been to a Mass before, and truly enjoyed the service. 

The reception began with touching speeches, beautiful dances, and even a special rendition of a Spice Girls song from the Maids of Honor! The rest of the night was vibrant with dancing. Seth loves astronomy; I love art. Those merged together created the constellation theme of our wedding. The fact that God created the planets and stars is a pretty wild thing to think about, and causes us to be continually in awe of Him.

We still pinch ourselves every day when we hear the words "husband" and "wife." Our hearts are fuller after entering into this sacrament together, and each day we continue striving to be more Christ like to one another. 

Photographer's Business Name : Lindsey Plevayak | Nupital Mass or Engagement Location: St. Alphonsus Church, Baltimore | Wedding Reception Venue: Rolling Road Golf Club | Videographer: Frankie Cerquetti | DJ: Glassroom Pro | Photobooth: Charm City Photo Booths | Cake: Bakery Express | Flowers: Blue Iris Flowers | Hair: Brooke St. Martin | Make-Up: Andrea Munk | Dress: BHLDN | Groom Suit: Mens Wearhouse | Groomsmen Ties & Groom Tie Clip: The Tie Bar | Engagement Ring: Helzburg Diamonds | Bride Wedding Band: Zales Outlet | Groom Wedding Band: Northern Royal | Bride Bracelets: Francescas | Bride Hair Piece & Earrings: Amazon

You're Still a Bride After Your Wedding Day, Even When You Don't Feel Like One.

STEPHANIE CALIS

I am living the days I used to dream about.

There were the afternoons lying on dorm room beds with my friends, imagining marriage and husbands and and lives full with family and romance and joyful chaos. There were the hours spent crying in the chapel after my heart was broken for the first time, and again after it was broken for the second time, wondering where the man might be whom the Father had chosen for me to love and sanctify from outside of time. There was the physical ache the first time I saw my now-husband hold his newborn nephew, pierced by the image of his arms one day cradling our own children.

And now, as the dust has settled on our newlywed days, as my wedding gown hangs in storage, all those dreamy idylls I’d prayed were my future have suddenly become my present. Thanks entirely to grace, dreams do come true. But just because they’re fulfilled, so prized I’d never trade them, doesn’t mean they’re without trial. Arguments happen, chores mount, babies wake you up multiple times a night.

For months before your wedding day, you have a project, a goal, an identity. You, a bride. If, in the aftermath of the celebration and honeymoon you find yourself grasping at a purpose or identity to cling to, you’re not alone.

It might be rooted in the sudden lack of projects and deadlines, in coming down from a period of intense emotion, in experiencing the transition and reality of living with your spouse, and perhaps even in relocation or pregnancy. We approach the altar at our wedding liturgies knowing we also approach the cross--unremitting sacrifice and the fruit of relentless love. Yet even in that knowledge, even with material matters aside and for those of us who shy from the spotlight, there comes a time in the days that follow where you’ve become a wife. The transition is so interior and personal that it’s not often talked about. And on the exterior, the adjustment to daily life together can be enough of a minefield to bring even the most transcendent wedding-day memories a little closer back to earth.

The first time I attended a wedding after we'd started our family, my son was six months old. I came with my husband, who was a groomsman, to the rehearsal at the gorgeous basilica where the Mass would be held.

At first tears came at the beauty of it all as I watched our beloved friends practicing their vows. A few minutes, later, they flowed even freer when I started feeling the sense that I was so far removed from being a bride myself. Simply put, I didn't feel like one anymore.

Months had passed since my own wedding, and as an overwhelmed first-time mama, that old feeling of newness and possibility seemed foreign to me.

It wasn't that celebrating with this couple made me jealous. I don't want all the attention surrounding me again or another wedding day for myself. It’s that the purifications of newlywed transitions, life’s demands, and new parenthood were, for me, such a sea change. It’s a change that sometimes reveals such an entirely different version of me that who I was when I first married can feel like a lost part of who I am.

Of course, life doesn't stop and become complete with marriage; it continues to grow and change as your family does, and that's good. But I felt torn. I want this life, this way of living my vocation, that's before me right now. Yet I also felt such a bittersweet sense that part of my old identity as a bride--and not just the sexy, carefree trappings of early marriage, but the actual essence of it--was gone. Even when a change is welcome and good and sanctifying, it’s hard feeling like it came at the cost of a part of yourself.

It's amazing, the graces that pour down during a nuptial Mass. The new husband and wife receive them to the full. And in their receiving, I'm convinced that just being in the presence of such tremendous grace works on the hearts of everyone in attendance, too. On our friends' wedding day the burden I'd been carrying seemed to lift. As I prayed before the Mass, I started feeling like bride and mother, newlywed and just regular wed, aren't either-ors.

I once visited a Theology of the Body ministry at their offices. One staffer and I started talking about his family, and when I asked if I could see a photo of his five kids, he told me he didn't have one in his office, "but here's a picture of my bride." Those words were imbued with such love and pride. How beautiful, how full of gratitude and praise, for a man so fully immersed in the trenches of his vocation to still see his wife in that way, not as the exact same woman he married, but as the woman he's grown more in love with as each new change has taken place in their lives.

Know this: married dreams brought down to earth are good; your calling specifically heralded at this moment in time. It’s okay to feel like your wedding is a lot to come down from, and that you walked into a new, unfamiliar version of yourself as you walked out the church doors. Imagining married life in broad strokes is easy and it’s dreamy, but it’s the subtleties life layers on that pave most of our road to holiness.

I used to imagine someday. Someday is now, and it doesn’t always mirror the ideals I once longed for, my younger self leaving the messier details out. Messiness is our humanity, and the Father sings the song of his love back to us, his children when it fades to the background: And I will betroth you to me for ever; I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love, and in mercy (Hosea 2:19).

You are daughter, sister, friend, spouse. Pursued, adored, and longed for by God and by your husband. Quite simply, you are a bride, always.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Vendor Spotlight | Just Love Prints

Lindsay Trezza, founder and owner of Just Love Prints, says that her inspiration to begin her business came from Luke 12:28: "Much will be required of the person entrusted with much." The combination of her gift for design and illustration and renewed desire to share her faith after graduating from college in 2012 led to what is now a flourishing business. 

Lindsay has a BFA in Graphic Design, so it's no surprise that in college, her walls were covered in inspirational prints that she created for fun. Three years after graduating, she felt the Lord nudging her to leave her full time job and take the plunge into Just Love Prints (as well as her second design business JuneberryCreative.com) full time. Her trust in God's ability to provide was well rewarded, as Just Love Prints has gradually become a household name in the burgeoning world of Catholic lettering and design. 

Whether you're looking for a custom-painted Bible for your maid of honor, a custom print of your wedding vows to hang in your bedroom, or an inspirational quotation from a saint or from Scripture, Just Love Prints has something for you. And each time you support her business, you can be confident that you are helping a young Catholic family pursue their vocation to the full. 

From Lindsay, on what is unique about her experience with clients:: I love connecting with my customers! Working with them to create custom pieces is what I especially love the most. Recently, I was given the opportunity to create a custom piece for a college friend of mine who is entering the Sisters of Life in September. She wanted me to create a watercolor print to give to her mother. What an honor it was to design such a meaningful gift - one that will hang proudly in her mother's home, reminding her of her daughter every time she looks at it.

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How He Asked | Elisa & Thomas

Elisa and Thomas met through Elisa's brother, dated for awhile, decided to stop dating, became good friends, eventually fell in love, and two years later began discerning marriage together. While Thomas remained hopeful that this would be the ending to their story, Elisa gave him plenty of opportunities to practice patience along the way. If you're a fan of unconventional love stories a la Anne of Green Gables, you'll enjoy reading theirs. 

In Elisa's words: My amazing husband-to-be, Thomas, and I met on September 5, 2014 after First Friday Adoration at St. Joseph’s parish in Washington, DC. My brother introduced us and it was attraction-at-first-sight. A few months later he asked me out and we went on a few dates. We definitely clicked, but both of us realized that God was not calling us to a dating relationship at that time. Thankfully, we discerned this early enough to continue spending time together in groups without (too much) awkwardness and our friendship grew. 

Fast forward to a little over a year after our first round of dating. The Lord had done a lot of work on me, and I had finally turned my dating life over to Him. I was praying more intentionally than ever for my future husband and I decided that unless I really felt like God was calling me to date someone, I was not going to date at all. Right around this time, Thomas asked me out for a picnic date. I knew I would have a wonderful time with him if I said yes, but I had just made this resolution and was committed to sticking to it, so I declined. He rolled with it, because he’s the best, and very smoothly asked me to have dinner "just as friends" instead. I readily agreed because, unbeknownst to me, I was already falling in love with him (it was all very Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe). 

For the next few months Thomas and I continued to spend time together in groups. I was more and more drawn to him and there were many times when it should have been obvious to me that I had feelings for him. But, for His own mysterious purposes, the Holy Spirit kept me blindfolded to the fact that I was falling in love with one of my best friends. 

On September 17, 2016, I began a Novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots for several intentions, but mostly for God's will to be done in my life and the lives of others I care for. On the 9th day of the Novena, the Holy Spirit, in His perfect timing, removed the blindfold and I realized I loved Thomas and didn’t want to live without him. I was so at peace that this was the relationship Our Lord was calling me to. 

I called him the next day and asked if his offer still stood. He said yes (EEEEKKK!!!!) and that night we met at Adoration at our parish to begin a novena to St. Joseph asking for his intercession as we began to discern God’s will for our lives together. 

My husband-to-be also happens to be a wonderful musician. About a month into our courtship, he sent me a song that he had written about us before we started dating. The chorus: 

Oh I can feel a change coming quickly
Will you and I start again and
Embrace the Mystery?

I asked him when he had written the song and he told me September 17. That was the day I began the Novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots. When he told me the date he wrote the song, it finally hit home for me that Our Lord is in every detail of our lives, stitching together an incredibly intricate, beautiful plan that we could never dream up for ourselves: “Nothing is impossible for God” (Luke 1:37). 

Thomas finished writing the song a few days after he shared the beginning of it with me. He recorded it for me as a Christmas present because he is just that wonderful. Whenever I listen to it, I am reminded of the Holy Spirit’s presence in our relationship. It is such a blessing.  

Four and a half months after we started dating, Thomas orchestrated the most perfect proposal of all time. I'll let him tell that story.

In Thomas' Words:  In March of 2016 my work sent me to London for a 6-month business trip. I knew that God would use this time away from friends and family to help me grow and lead me closer to my Vocation, but I never would have guessed how.

My first stop en-route to London was Dublin, Ireland for St. Patrick’s day. It was here that I made the decision to marry Elisa without even knowing it. As I sat in my AirBnB on the eve of St. Patrick’s feast, I wrote in my journal: 

If marriage is my vocation, I could see myself marrying Elisa.

Elisa and I were simply friends at this point, so why write that I would marry her? As Elisa pointed out, the Holy Spirit and Our Lady were already weaving our lives together. 

After Dublin I went to Koln, Germany for a few meetings and then shipped off to London for what I thought was going to be a 6-month stint. At the London border I was stopped, detained for 12 hours, and extradited from the country – the original “Brexit.” After spending Holy Week in Rome I went back to the States, confident God had a better plan in mind for me. 

During the six months that followed my unscheduled return from London, God’s plan for my life continued to unfold and my trust that Elisa and I were meant to be together grew. I got creative in figuring out as many ways to spend time with her as I could since Elisa was not yet ready to date. This included but was not limited to: moving 6 blocks away from her, camping with friends, baseball games, offering her rides to parties, getting a ticket right next her at Phantom of the Opera, etc.

About a week before Elisa and I started dating, I was inspired by the Holy Spirit to write a song about our relationship. I was sure we were on the cusp of a new chapter for both of our lives. Nine days later I started dating the most beautiful, holy and hilarious woman I know, and after four months of dating I was sure I wanted to make that woman my wife. 

How I asked: 

Getting permission. Arguably the most nerve-racking part of the proposal process. My future father and mother-in-law live in Texas, so as much as I wanted to, I wasn’t going to be able to ask in person. Elisa’s mother asked me a few pointed questions regarding my intentions only a couple weeks before, so requesting permission over the phone was suitable. I ran a couple wind sprints, did a few push-ups, and called Elisa’s father, receiving permission. Nerve-racking step #1 complete. 

Finding the right ring. He didn’t go to Jared’s, but she still said yes! My parents generously gave me my grandmother’s ring from the 1920s which I had re-set in platinum. This was one of the sneakier aspects of the proposal planning process as I had to get creative so Elisa wouldn’t find out I was checking on her bling. Elisa shared with me post proposal that she wanted a vintage, heirloom ring. Yet another instance of God’s providence. 

Planning and executing the proposal. 
I chose to propose in front of the Mary statue at St. Peter’s on Capitol Hill for a number of reasons:

1. Elisa works at St. Peters so she and I have spent many hours praying there together for our friends, our families, and each other. 

2. When Elisa and I started dating in September, we decided to pray the St. Joseph Novena (highly recommend) which we completed in front of the St. Joseph statue as St. Peter’s. It was here, in front of the statue on the last day of the novena, that I told Elisa for the first time that I loved her. 

3. Both Elisa and I have had devotions to Our Lady for most of our lives. We know she has interceded for us from day one and was very instrumental in bringing us together. 

Nine days before I popped the question, I asked Elisa to pray an “Our Lady Undoer of Knots” novena with me. Bookending the courting period with a couple of OLUK novenas felt like the right move. On the night of the proposal I met Elisa at St. Peters to finish our novena, with two white roses in hand for the Blessed Mother. 

I asked the pastor of St. Peter’s to move the kneelers in front of the Mary altar and turn off the lights except those above the altar: Pro tip – Good lighting is crucial to any successful proposal. My sister snuck in the back of the Church with my guitar, Elisa and I prayed the rosary, and my heart reached a new high for BPMs. After we finished our prayers I took Elisa by the hands, got down on one knee and asked her to by my wife. She squealed “yes!” and I serenaded her with the song I wrote nine days before we started dating.

Photography: Paul Padgett, Thomas' Brother-in-Law | Location: St. Peter's on Capitol Hill, Washington DC

I Dos and Dont's: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Stewardship and the Practicals of Working Out Your Budget

ANDI COMPTON

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

Today, Andi breaks down an essential part of early wedding planning--creating and allocating your budget--and has created two worksheets to share with your fiancé and your families to clarify what each party values most for your wedding and to identify each of your financial contributions. They're beautifully designed, comprehensive resources we're thrilled to offer you!

Meaghan Clare Photography

As a wedding coordinator, I take wedding budgets very seriously. They represent a huge commitment of time and money from the bride, groom, and often both of their families. Sometimes it’s the largest event any of them have hosted! 

It’s easy to overspend if you don’t take time at the very beginning of the planning process to set a reasonable budget everyone is comfortable with, and to constantly update it and make sure you're all on the same page.

As Christians, we are called to be good stewards of the gifts God has given us, including our finances. Luke's Gospel asks us, “Which of you wishing to construct a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if there is enough for its completion? Otherwise, after laying the foundation and finding himself unable to finish the work the onlookers should laugh at him and say, ‘This one began to build but did not have the resources to finish.'” (14:28-30)

The same principles apply to planning any kind of party. We start with our not-so-glamorous budget and offer it up to God. And from there, we can move on to making the fun decisions and indulging a little in the perks of being a bride.

I share the budgeting tips below with my clients and really, with anyone who wants to talk weddings with me:

Prioritize.

I’m going to say something I’ve never heard another wedding industry pro say: aside from your nuptial Mass and marriage license, everything else in this process is optional. Everything.

You don’t have to send out paper invitations, eat cake, wear a white dress, carry a bouquet, or even have a single photo taken to become man and wife. All those things are wonderful traditions that are fun to choose, but they are not what binds you to one another for life.

So here’s what you do: prioritize. Separately from each other, write down the top 3-5 wedding elements that are the most important to each of you, and the 3-5 that aren’t very important to you, i.e. categories in which you wouldn't mind spending less money or deferring to your beloved's choices.

Here’s a little sample:

Her High Priorities: Music for Mass, Wedding dress, color scheme for reception, Invitations, coordinator

His High Priorities: Readings for Mass, style of Tuxes for me and groomsmen,  good food at reception, photographer/videographer, good Cake

Her Low Priorities: Music for Reception, Reception Bar, Limos

His Low Priorities: Transportation, Flowers, Bridesmaid dresses, invitations

As you talk and discuss these together, come up with your own unified list of priorities to focus on. Categories with higher priorities get booked first and generally have a larger amount of money spent on them. Categories with lower priorities can be done by friends and family, delegated to parents or family to decide on, or omitted entirely.

Leave a little wiggle room.

When planning a big event with lots of moving parts to it, things happen. A pair of shoes gets forgotten 100 miles away and you dash to the mall for another pair. You’re suddenly starving and make a Jamba Juice run for the bridal party between the ceremony and reception. You decide to go overtime with your reception vendors and add an extra hour to the party because everyone is having so much fun. Additional, unexpected situations arise, and it’s best to leave at least 5-10% of your budget open for these possibilities.

Accept.

Another shocking fact: no one gets everything they want. Even couples with a $100,000 budget still have to pick and choose what matters and make compromises to stay on budget. Yes, that might look like skipping a 10-minute firework show and choosing to have your guests wave sparklers at the end of the night instead. But ultimately, no couple gets every single element they want unless they have unlimited money. Learning to accept that compromise is a part of life, and sticking to your budget is excellent practice for marriage!

Thank those who have contributed to your day in any way. 

Really take the time to thank your parents, grandparents, godparents, friends, and anyone who has contributed to your wedding financially or with the gift of their time. They are not obligated to give you your dream wedding, and chances are, they've made sacrifices to give you as much as possible. Sending a kind note, taking them out to dinner or on a fun day trip, or giving a gift at your rehearsal dinner are all beautiful ways of showing your appreciation.

Enjoy the fruits of your labor!

When the day you've been preparing for spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically finally comes, surrender it to God. Don't stress the details, and be intentional and present. Hire a day-of coordinator if you prefer, or designate a family member or friend be the point of contact for all your vendors so that you can just soak everything in. Your budget will still be there Monday morning after your wedding, and some expenses may not be finalized until then. If possible, it's nice to wait until after your honeymoon to wrap everything up.

My final piece of wedding budget is advice is to never, ever, ever, ever take out debt to throw a party. Do what you can with what you have--another great life lesson.

Now I want to hear from you! What have you and your groom prioritized as most important and least important for your wedding? 

Download the Budgeting resources below:

• Budget Priorities Sheet

• Budget Planning Sheet

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Making the Most of a Short Engagement

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Engagement is a wonderful, stressful, romantic, scary, and beautiful time in a couple’s life. Having just lived through a whirlwind courtship and as-short-as-the-church-allows engagement, I have been asked by a few readers to share my tips for a fruitful engagement when time is not exactly on your side.

Before I get to the list, I will say that Kristian and I are both thankful that we were only engaged for six months. True, it made wedding planning a little (lot) more stressful at times, and there were moments where I wondered if we were rushing things. But when I had my wits about me, it was clear that a short engagement was the way to go for us, and not just because Kristian was 40 and I was 32 when we started dating. For example, Kristian and I both appreciated that the short wedding-planning time frame made it difficult (for me) to overthink all of the details and get too stressed out by the process. And honestly, once Kristian and I were sure we were called to marriage, we were ready to get married. 

That said, I do think that the way Kristian and I went about wedding planning and preparing for marriage made our short engagement a more fruitful, less rushed experience than it could have otherwise been. Below, you'll find a few tips that I think would work for most couples. (If you're on the opposite end of the spectrum, like our Social Media Coordinator Elise, check out her tips for thriving in a long engagement here.)

PHOTOGRAPHY: GINA BALLINTYN PHOTOGRAPHY

1. Go to a few sessions with a Catholic licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT).

That may sound extreme, but I think that it was the most valuable thing we did during our engagement. This is not to say that your parish priest or deacon isn’t a good resource, but chances are they don’t have the time or the training to help you and your fiance dig into the nitty-gritty of your relationship and the potential areas of conflict that may crop up in your marriage. For me personally, couples therapy helped dispel many of my fears and gave me much more peace in the final weeks approaching our wedding.

2. Do a nightly relationship examen.

Each night, Kristian and I would spend a few minutes (usually walking around one of our neighborhoods) examining our relationship that day. We kept it simple so that it wouldn’t become burdensome, and it went something like this:

1. What was the most satisfying thing about our relationship today?

2. What was the least satisfying thing about our relationship today?

3. What can I do to make your life better/easier tomorrow?

The examen gave us the opportunity to remember the enjoyable parts of the day and to air any grievances before they had a chance to fester into resentment. It wasn’t always pleasant to do, but answering these questions each day prompted important conversations and deeper intimacy, which is why Kristian and I continue the practice each night now that we're married. 

3. Go on a DIY pre-marriage retreat

If you’re like me, typical Pre-Cana retreat, as helpful as it may be, will leave you wanting more. Don’t get me wrong: group marriage retreats have their place, and Kristian and I enjoyed getting to meet other couples who were getting married around the same time as us, but I wanted something that went deeper and was more personal. Unfortunately, due to our short engagement, we didn’t have time to go to a monastery for a couple of days (which was my ideal). So, we compromised and planned a mini-retreat for the week before our wedding. We kept it simple and just spent a morning in a nearby adoration chapel, meditating on the vows we would be making in just a few days. We took each set of vows, spent about 20 minutes praying and journaling about them, and then went outside on a bench and shared our reflections with each other. It was such a peaceful and enriching experience for both of us, and it made our wedding Mass even more meaningful.

4. Keep the bridal showers to a minimum.

When you only have a few months to plan a wedding and prepare for a lifelong commitment to the man you love, having six bridal showers is not going to make things any easier. My recommendation is--if at all possible--to say yes to one shower hosted by a friend and one hosted by extended family. All you have to do is kindly decline the extra offers, and make sure that the would-be hostesses get invited to one of the main showers.

Regardless of how long or short your engagement is, the most important thing to remember is that it is a time of preparation for marriage to the one you love. I know that sounds obvious, but short engagements can get so clogged with wedding planning, parties, showers, and other distractions that it’s easy to forget the Sacrament. I hope the tips above help you and your fiance navigate this time peacefully and joyfully.

Now we’d like to hear from you: did you have a short engagement? Any tips you want to share with other brides-to-be? Please do so in the comments!

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Erin + Andrew | Notre Dame Morning Wedding

Erin met Andrew her freshman year at Notre Dame, but despite their many mutual friends, they didn’t get along immediately--she perceived him as too much of a bookworm! Two years later, though, when Erin’s basketball rec league needed another male teammate, she asked him to join. Their friendship grew, and over Christmas break they both attended a Notre Dame bowl game in New York. At Mass together after the game, Andrew decided he should ask Erin out. Their first date was on his birthday, and it was clear early on that they were called to marriage.

Andrew proposed ten months later and they set a wedding date for the following year, yet shortly before the wedding, they discerned that they should take a break. Though the time apart was painful, it was purifying. Erin and Andrew found themselves together again after a period of prayerful discernment, and on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, Andrew asked Erin, for the second time, to be his bride.

From the Bride: While Andrew and I were broken up, I took a trip to D.C. to visit my sister at Catholic University. While there, I visited the Basilica and, where there are many alcoves dedicated to images of our Blessed Mother throughout the world and history. I felt very drawn to the alcove of Our Lady of Perpetual Help. While there, I prayed for clarity and direction regarding my relationship with Andrew.

When we began dating again, I told Andrew about my trip and he mentioned that he had a devotion to Our Lady of Perpetual Help, including an icon of her on his desk at work. We also remembered that the first time Andrew visited my family in Philadelphia, my mom had enrolled us in the Our Lady of Perpetual Help Mass League at the Shrine of St. John Neumann.

As if Mary needed to drop another hint, there was a prominent image of Our Lady of Perpetual Help at the front of the chapel where we got engaged. We set our wedding date for June 25, as close to her feast day on June 27 as we could. Andrew and I first announced the date at my grandma's bedside just two days before she died. All of my aunts exclaimed that June 25th was my grandparents' wedding day. Grandma smiled. On the shelf of her headboard cabinet was a tri-fold wooden icon of Our Lady of Perpetual Help. Because of this, we decided to get married at Notre Dame, Our Lady's University, under the arms of the one who has been watching over us in good times and bad, and will continue to be a powerful intercessor for our life together.

Leading up to the wedding, we invited all of our family and friends to join us in praying a novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Help. We wanted to include those who’ve played a role in our sacramental journeys in the wedding, so we asked our godparents to be lectors and our Confirmation sponsors to be Eucharistic ministers. The presiding priest was my spiritual director during college, who helped both Andrew and I significantly throughout our engagement. Our ringbearer and flower girls were the children of two different couples who really encouraged us and showed us what a great Catholic marriage can look like. Of course, no one has been a better example of loving marriage to us than our parents and grandparents. I chose to make my headband out of lace from my mother's wedding dress and wore my grandmother's pearls.

Our wedding was at 9:00 A.M., so we had a brunch reception following our nuptial Mass. Despite the time of day, we still included dancing, cake and all the typical wedding traditions. Instead of a garter toss, we had a football toss! In fact, after the reception, all of our family and friends joined us for a game of touch football on the campus quad. Andrew's family has a tradition of playing touch football on Thanksgiving morning, so we wanted to honor that ritual.

When it came to our big day, we were just so excited to get married that none of the details seemed to matter. Throughout the planning process, I would frequently say, "I don't care what happens as long as the church doesn't burn down, and the priest and Andrew show up." It helped us keep the focus on our marriage, as opposed to just the wedding day.

We chose the Gospel reading for our Mass from Luke 1:26-38, the Annunciation. It is not commonly used as a wedding reading, but it held great significance to us for a few reasons. First, we felt it was fitting to honor Our Lady since she has been so crucial throughout our relationship. Secondly, we felt that Mary's fiat was perfect to reflect upon as we began our marriage together. Saying yes to God's will is what each of us are called to. Andrew and I saying Yes to our vocation to marriage is our fiat. Mary's trust in God is something we all can aspire to and she is our perfect example.

Photography: Peter Ringenberg Photography | Nupital Mass or Engagement Location: Basilica of the Sacred Heart, Notre Dame, Indiana | Wedding Reception Venue : Morris Park Country Club | Flower: Lemler Valley Farm | Bride's dress: Jefre's Bridal | Groom's and Groomsmens' Tux: Mens Warehouse | Make Up Artist: Clearly Clare Makeup  | Cake: Martins  | Music: Acoustic Generation

Learning to Long: A Letter to My Fiancé

ALEXA DONCSENCZ SMITH

Dear Fiancé,

Today we spent the day together, and it was perfect. And at the end of the day we had to say goodbye again. We went home to separate houses and will wake up to separate worlds. Today is Sunday, and the next time I see you it will be Friday.

Photography: Janisse Valenzuela Photography

Right now, that feels like four days that serve no purpose. Four days to get through, to endure. Four days I don't really need.

I'm ready to be coming home to you. I'm ready to not say goodbye anymore. To spend a day that doesn't end with our going separate ways, followed by days and days apart.

Tonight, since you left, I've been really miserable. I've been angry. I've sat at my computer with a scowl on my face and frustration in my heart. I've thought about how much it hurts not to be married yet, and how long we still have to go.

I'm telling you this because it's important. It’s important that my letters to you reflect not just the joys of our engagement – tasting wedding cake samples, finding out which bridal expos have the best free hors d'oeuvres, replicating every wedding related DIY craft on Pinterest – but also the struggles, the harsh realities, and the challenges we’ve endured as a team.

The truth is that a lot of couples don't put themselves through this. Our culture has found a streamlined approach to gratification, and what that means is that couples never have to experience the pain and loneliness and frustration that comes with saying goodbye to the person you love every night until marriage. They've eliminated that, and they see it as a good thing.

I can kind of understand why they think that. It's easier. It's less painful.

The culture will often choose what is easy and painless. And on the other end of the spectrum, you and I get to learn what it feels like to long.

I get to spend the next eighteen months frustrated to not wake up with you. I get to go to bed angry on Sunday nights after you've left, knowing I don't get to be with you again for another week. I get to dwell in the pain and sadness that comes with waiting for the appropriate time to share all that I want to share with you: to live with you, to love you in the little moments every day, to fall asleep and wake up next to my best friend.

And because I've learned how to long, because I've learned what it feels like to be without you, I know I will never take our marriage for granted.

I can't wait for the way it will feel on our wedding day, knowing there is no such thing as going home to separate houses ever again. There will be no more goodbyes, no more living in different worlds during the week, no more waiting days between seeing each other. We will never take those things for granted, because we had to go so long without them. We had to struggle through not having those things, even when we felt ready for them.

Sometimes I feel defeated. Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I cry because I can't help it and it all just feels like more than I can handle.

But when I finally manage to pull myself together, I remember we are going to have something incredibly strong and beautiful. Part of the reason it's going to be so strong and so beautiful is because our right now is as difficult as it is.

This is not the easy way. But we're doing what we know is right, what we believe in and what our faith asks of us. We are doing what we know builds strong, beautiful relationships and marriages. I want nothing less with you.

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About the Author: Alexa is a 2013 graduate of The Catholic University of America, where she earned her B.S. in Biology with a minor in Psychology. Since 2014, she has served as the Assistant Coordinator for Youth, Young Adult and Family Ministry for the Diocese of Allentown. Alexa and her fiancé Patrick got engaged in December 2016, and are excitedly planning and preparing for a June 2018 marriage. Together they enjoy Cracker Barrel breakfasts, long walks around Barnes & Noble, and deciding which bridal expos have the best cake samples. Alexa's hobbies include writing, photography, and drinking coffee. 

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Putting Aside the Details: My Engaged Encounter Experience

EMILY DIBIASE

The day after my fiancé and I got engaged, we sat down and wrote a prayer to say together every night of our engagement in preparation for marriage. It’s a practice we began over two years ago when we started the long distance portion of our relationship, adjusting the prayer to whatever circumstances we were in at that time to bring us together spiritually even when we were physically apart.

In our engagement prayer, we were intentional in including the invocation to help us “not let the details get the way.” I was happy to include it, but thought it was a little unnecessary – I of all people certainly was not going to be a bridezilla. My fiancé and I are both devout Catholics, so I recognized that the wedding Mass was far more important than the rest of the day. Dozens of brides had warned me not to let the wedding take over my life, and after working for a church for seven years, I’d seen plenty of brides who didn’t have the joy I hoped to feel on my wedding day, since their minds were too preoccupied by details to be truly present in the day. Thus, I vowed to never let the wedding take precedence over my marriage.

Through the first five months of our engagement, I naively thought I'd kept my promise. I picked my wedding dress in less than an hour (it was the first one I tried on), I hired the first and only DJ I ever talked to, I spent hours perusing the internet to find the best deals on everything because I was determined not to go over our budget, and I hardly delegated tasks to anyone, even my fiancé. I was an easy bride…or so I thought.

John Nicoletti Photography

The last few weeks have been jammed. As we quickly approach our June wedding, I’ve been trying to cram everything going on in my life into whatever spare hours I have, including the brilliant idea of spending the two hours we had between work and our pre-Cana program printing our DIY invitations. After an hour of trying unsuccessfully (they printed out, but were navy, not teal, and would clash with our motif), I finally barked to forget it, and we went off on our weekend. It wasn’t until I was having a complete meltdown on the way to marriage prep that I realized my priorities were way off-track. 

Oddly enough, one of the parts I was dreading most in the wedding preparations was pre-Cana. As part of our engagement present, my future in-laws had sponsored my fiancé and me to attend an Engaged Encounter weekend, a retreat-based marriage preparation program that fulfills pre-Cana requirements. I was extremely grateful for this gift, but the thought of spending an entire weekend away from our hectic lives of work, grad school, volunteering, and wedding planning was daunting.

The closer we got to the weekend, the more apprehensive I became. I knew the basic format of the weekend – someone would discuss a trigger topic of marriage (ie. money, intimacy, NFP, communication, etc.) and then we would have time to write about our responses and share them with each other. We’d also been told that it would be a working weekend and to come well rested (ha!). I imagined my sleep-deprived fiancé and myself attempting to have meaningful conversations and ending up just arguing the entire weekend. After a long week at work, the last thing I felt like doing was losing out on more sleep and fighting battles we had already settled long before.

So here we were, two devout Catholics sitting in a conference room on a Friday night dreading our pre-Cana weekend and cockily thinking that we had nothing to gain from it. I’ve planned dozens of retreats before and knew that attitude was everything, but here I was falling into the same trap as so many others before me. I was totally not present, sullenly calculating how many hours it was until we would be released, and wrapped up in worrying about how to get the invitations done on time.

At the beginning of the weekend, the moderators stressed that we were going to get out of the weekend whatever we put into it. I was cynical, but as I listened to the two moderating couples – one married for twelve years, the other for sixty – I began to realize that we have a lot to learn. These two couples opened up to us about what they’d been through in marriage: the highs, the lows, and everything in between. They were so brutally honest and open that it caused us to want to be brutally honest and open with each other as well. Their love was infectious, and I found myself slowly letting go of all of the stresses and taking the time to really look at the man I was marrying, who I realized I’d been looking past in all of my planning. Despite my valiant attempts, I’d made him just another piece in the puzzle of my dream day, instead of letting him make my day a dream.

Throughout the weekend, we slowly let our guards down and fell in love again on a deeper level through our intimate conversations. We went from being business partners, tasked with accomplishing the task of merging our lives with at times unemotional precision, to being carefree lovebirds again, totally in awe of each other and the great gift of love that we've been given by God.

What Engaged Encounter gave us was the opportunity to take intentional time to turn off every distraction and just focus on us. We talked about subjects we’d evaded in the past, or hadn't had time to fully discuss in a relaxed and loving setting. Conversations I’d never imagined bringing up that weekend came up naturally, free of tension and full of honest, thoughtful dialogue. Even more importantly, the retreat encouraged us to reground our relationship with each other in our relationship with God, and to recognize that the closer we become to Him, the closer we will be to each other.

The turning point came for me on Saturday night when we all gathered in the chapel for a special blessing. Part of the blessing involved us taking each other’s hands in the manner that we will on our wedding day. As we stood looking in each other’s eyes, I felt an overwhelming desire to marry my fiance right then and there. And suddenly, I realized it didn’t matter if the bridesmaids’ flowers were ivory or blush or if the wedding programs were printed on the same paper as the invitations; my dream wedding is going to be a dream because I’m marrying the love of my life, my best friend, the man who draws me closer to God on a daily basis, who makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, and who practices selfless, sacrificial love every day.

Before our Engaged Encounter weekend, I was excited for my marriage, but I was focused on the wedding, letting the details and the pressures of hosting a Pinterest-perfect party get in the way of continuing to feed and develop my relationship with my beloved. After Engaged Encounter, I am still excited for my “fairytale” wedding, but have become focused on my upcoming marriage and the excitement and humility I have in joining my life with the person I love most, second only to Jesus.

Did our engagement become perfect after our weekend? Not at all. On Monday morning, I still had to handle the invitation fiasco and hunt down the florist for a price on the flowers, and even now I still have to remind myself to not get so wrapped up in the details. But from the moment we left the retreat, I noticed that we were much more intentional in making sure that the other felt loved and appreciated and did our best to retain the joy in each other’s presence that was so prevalent that weekend.

On June 16th, I will once again stand opposite the man of my dreams, holding his hands and taking the biggest leap of faith I’ve ever taken. I can’t say that I’m confident the invitations will perfectly match the bridesmaid dresses or that my floating candles will last the entire night, but thanks to Engaged Encounter, I now feel more confident than ever in the most important part of the day – that I am marrying the most amazing man in the world, and that I am the most blessed girl in the world to be able to do so.

If you’d like to learn more about Engaged Encounter, please visit their website.

---

John nicoletti photography

About the Author: Emily DiBiase is marrying the love of her life on June 16, 2017. She now works in the Marketing Department at the same college where she and her fiancé Aaron met as high school students at an accepted students day. She is currently studying for her master’s in theology through the Augustine Institute, and when she’s not wedding planning, you can probably find her teaching religious education, running the parish youth group, spending time with family, or starting her Catholic marketing company, Gloriam Marketing. She loves biblical studies, especially typology, and has strong feelings about God, Jane Austen, and the Oxford comma. She blogs about Catholic young adult life at www.catholickidproblems.wordpress.com. 

Chelsea + Nick | Pittsburgh Black Tie Wedding

Nick and Chelsea first met at an interview for a college ambassador program. He was asking the questions, and she a freshman and the interviewee. Nick had been prompted to prepare two "creative" questions to ask Chelsea in the presence of an academic judging panel. First, he asked, if you could bring one person to a party, who would it be and why? Chelsea answered Mother Teresa, a woman who was never afraid to be vulnerable and act courageously; the perfect wingwoman. Second, Nick asked what Chelsea would name her ship if she were a pirate captain. Her response was, "Discovery. Because I hope never to cease my love for life's adventures. You either learn or succeed; you never fail."

Later that school year, Chelsea and Nick talked again, and never stopped. He’d never fail to walk her back to her dorm after spending time together. Their first official date was at a beautiful, tiny Italian restaurant with only six tables! Chelsea spent the entire day with her friends, getting ready, wondering if all the effort was too much. But when Nick walked in from the rain to pick her up, flowers in hand, she took notice of the effort he’d put in to look and be his best for her, in turn. He was constant in those efforts, even running across campus on his way to ROTC lab to visit Chelsea for just a few minutes at the program she ran for special needs students, a cause precious and fulfilling to her heart.

Chelsea met Nick’s seasoned Army family only a month after they began dating, on Valentine’s Day weekend. Prior to the visit, the two had spent significant time discussing religious faith. Chelsea had a strong spiritual life and made it clear from the start that God meant everything to her. Nick’s father was baptized Catholic and his mother was Christian, but they didn’t practice their faith much. Her nerves evaporated when Nick’s parents welcomed her like family.

To their surprise, when Chelsea and Nick sat down with his family to eat, his parents led them in grace. Chelsea knew right then that the Father was with them, and that this relationship was possible.

From the Bride: I remember telling Nick that whoever I marry must understand that the main purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven. At the wedding, our priest and dear friend Father Mac said this exactly: "It is your responsibility to get each other to the kingdom of God. " Nick and I want to build a life centered around God. This will take unconditional love, a strong commitment to one another, our children, our families, and our faith, and a true understanding that challenges must be looked at as learning experiences, moving us closer to the glory he has in store.

I never knew how to witness to my faith until Nick told me that through faith in action--Mass, daily prayers, and serving the communities around us in need--I had been evangelizing all along. We went to Mass together every week. On Pentecost during my freshmen year, I remember Nick just staring in the eyes of God at the altar. I didn’t know if he was bored or zoned out, but then he told me how incredible the feeling of the Mass and God's love felt around him, like nothing he had ever experienced. This was monumental in our journey of faith, and Nick ultimately made the decision to enter the Catholic Church.

Through Nick’s ROTC and military training, it was extremely trying to attempt going through RCIA. We tried for years, and it was frustrating. Finally, things just truly fell into place, and with an exception granted from the typical RCIA schedule, Nick received all of his sacraments over Labor Day weekend, 2015. We felt sure we were called to marriage, but Nick knew I couldn't get married until he had become Catholic--not for my sake, but for his own, because he loved his faith so much and so fully desired to be married as Catholics.

Growing up, I honestly thought I would marry someone who was already Catholic. My, did God have great plans for me! I thank him every day for the gift of journeying towards faith with Nick. I have learned so much about myself and my own faith in this process. My newfound appreciation for who I am allows me to proclaim my faith as my own, not merely a result of my upbringing; a bond that ties Nick and I together under a truly sacred bond. A sacrament. Nick thanks me for giving him his faith, but I thank him for giving me mine.

We both knew we wouldn’t be truly happy on our wedding day unless our guests were happy, too. We planned a weekend around our favorite things in our city to give people the feeling of a vacation, hoping they’d return home rejuvenated in faith and love. We held our rehearsal dinner at a Pittsburgh Pirates game and our Mass and reception as black-tie affairs.

During our wedding Mass, Nick held the rosary I gave him on his first ROTC training in college. I held the one he made for me at that training out of army string and military beads. I also held scapulars from my dad's dad. It meant the world to me hold a piece of my grandfather, my father, and my husband as we entered into the sacrament.

Everyone deserves love. Nick and I set out to make that truth known through the atmosphere of our big day. We prayed, first, to make everyone feel as beautiful outside as they are inside, and second, to remind our guests through the simple emotions between friends, family members, and spouses that all deserved to feel loved and worthy. Nick and I savored every moment. The images of how our loved ones looked at and admired each other that day is something that will inspire my love for Nick for years to come.

Photography : Levana Melamed Photography | Church: SS john and Paul Roman Catholic Parish  | Wedding Reception Venue : Le Mont Pittsburgh  | Second Photographer: Kristen Vota Photography | Flowers: Gida’s Flowers  | DJ: Andy Booth  | Bride’s Dress: Hayley Paige  | Bride’s Shoes: Nina’s Shoes  | Bridesmaids Dresses: Nordstrom designed by Adrianna Papell  | Groom’s tuxes: Men’s Wearhouse

4 Ways Your Wedding Website Can Be a Means of Evangelization

STEPHANIE CALIS

Aside from details like the who, the where, and the RSVPs, directing guests to your wedding website offers a unique occasion to share your faith with your family and friends. If you and your fiancé have chosen to create one, it's certain nearly everyone invited to your big day will visit your site as soon as they see the address online or in their Save the Date. So, consider your website your letter to family and friends--a large, and possibly varied, audience. Pray together about what message you hope to convey as you introduce your guests to who you are as a couple and to what your wedding day will be all about.

Stating why you believe what you do, in your own words and in a way that's truthful, casual, and aimed at the heart, can go a long way in making your Catholic wedding an invitation to deeper understanding and a witness to the beauty of marriage in the Church. You might consider adding any or all of these elements to your site:

Tell the story of a saint who's had a hand in your relationship.

If the Father and the communion of saints have written your love story, consider saying so. True stories of virtue and holiness speak for themselves, and they also provide an opportunity to break down why and how Catholics call upon the saints' intercession.

Include explanations of parts of the Mass, like communion and the Rite of Marriage, for guests who might be unfamiliar.

Briefly and charitably discussing modest dress in the chapel, guidelines for who can receive communion and why, and reasons the Rite of Marriage matters for the sacrament can all go a long way in making your guests--particularly non-Catholics or those who've been away from the faith--feel at ease and not experience surprises that could be misperceived as exclusive or judgmental, like a non-Catholic not being permitted to receive the Eucharist.

Host an open-invitation holy hour after your rehearsal.

One of the most treasured moments of my life was praying with my college best friend moments before her wedding rehearsal, in the chapel on our campus where we'd both, at some point, alternately smiled and wept thinking about our future husbands, babies, and marriages over the years. The tears poured down as we knelt shoulder to shoulder and as I marveled at how the Father had answered each of our hopes and prayers so specifically and abundantly in the men he gave to us.

At another wedding I was invited to, the bride and groom had their priest and a few friends help lead an hour of Adoration, confession, and Praise and Worship the night before the wedding for any guests who wished to attend. Heaven touches earth during those moments of hope and anticipation. Following suit, by planning a holy hour and sharing the details with your guests via your wedding site, is amazing for both you and your beloved and for friends and family who will share in your joy and intercede for your marriage.

Invite guests to leave their intentions on your wedding site, and pray for them.

Online guestbooks and song requests are fun, standard fare, but have you considered additionally including an Intention Box on your website for your guests? Create a page for family and friends to privately submit their prayer requests to you and your fiancé. Prayer for those you've invited to share in your day, whether they're attending or not attending, is a lovingly specific act of generosity. 

I hope these ways of evangelizing to your guests sincerely call your family and friends into communion with you and express what you stand for in a loving way, particularly if there are sensitivities among them where faith is concerned.

Above all, though, I truly think the best, most important witness of all is one that doesn't even need to be typed and posted--quite simply, the joy of entering into marriage with a pure heart, radiant, evident joy, and desire for complete self-gift is impossible to ignore.

Don't worry about it being your personal responsibility to change anyone's mind about the Church. Pray for each of your guests as you address their invitations or plan your reception seating, and place them in the hands of Our Lady and her son. Be yourselves--the selves who so clearly wear their love for all to see--knowing your love flows from Love himself, and what you value and what sets your marriage apart will be crystal clear. I promise!

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Vendor Spotlight | Telos Design, LLC

Telos is a term from classical philosophy meaning “end” or “purpose.” And what, in our humanity, is our telos? To return to the Father, the source of all truth, goodness, beauty, and love.

Jessica Connolly, a wife, mother, and Catholic convert, brings our ultimate purpose into her business, striving to “[serve] others through design” and to reflect the maker’s beauty and perfect design for all creation.

A graduate of Kansas State University’s School of Architecture with seven years in the architecture field and five years of design school under her belt, Jessica founded Telos Design in 2011, shortly after entering the Church and sensing a call to pursue work that would allow more freedom and flexibility in motherhood. Her professional experience is evident in the clean-lined, geometric sensibility of her distinctive liturgical calendars that bypass pure function in favor of modern type and fine art. We can hardly think of a more original wedding gift for couples striving to live liturgically.

Unless it’s a custom gift--an offering even more original. Jessica finds herself most inspired by the natural beauty of creation; in addition to digital design, she’s also a gifted painter who specializes in personally commissioned works of art featuring brides’ own bouquets and images of the saints. Using acrylics and gold and silver leaf on wood to capture a precious memento from your big day or the spirit of a favorite intercessor, Jessica’s vivid, organic works remind us something else about God: he is almighty and the source of all, yes, but also a father who loves and knows each of us by name. Personally, unrepeatably. Eternally.

Along with calendars and custom work, Telos Design, LLC also offers beautiful prayer art prints and stationary. Jessica's passion for architecture and design extends beyond her business, too--her blog, A to Z Modern, invites you on her family's journey to renovate and furnish their gorgeous midcentury modern home in Arizona.

From Jessica, on her client experience when creating custom art: After working with high-end design clients, nonprofit organizations and surviving five years in design school, I'm used to harsh critics. And I actually work best with an outside editorial eye. So, I appreciate clients who voice their opinions while also supporting a little freedom in design.

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How He Asked | Brooke + Tim

Note: A version of this story was previously published on For Your Marriage

Brooke and Tim met in 8th grade and became fast friends, but didn't begin dating until their junior year of high school. Unbeknownst to Brooke, Tim had liked her since their first meeting in middle school, but Brooke was hesitant to start a relationship and ruin the friendship.  "While that fear weighed on one part of my heart," Brooke recalls, "another, and stronger, part of my heart told me that if Timmy and I ever started dating, we'd never stop. That would be it, we would spend the rest of our lives together. As amazing and accurate as that intuition was, it scared 16-year-old me. Was I ready to start my journey with the person I would spend the rest of my life with? Then, one night we were talking about our futures and the kind of people we thought we'd eventually marry, and it suddenly dawned on me that Timmy was that person that I saw by my side at every stage of my life. We had our first date a week later, and the rest is history. "

Birds of a Feather Photography

In Brooke's words: We knew by our one year anniversary that God was undoubtedly calling us to marry one another. The next four years though consisted of us going to different colleges, learning how cultivate our relationship even though we saw each other only once or twice a month, and allowing God to shape us into radically different people than we were when we became best friends at 13. Over those years, even as God worked in our hearts to make us more into the man and woman He has destined us to be, we grew closer and deeper in love. Developing a shared spiritual and prayer life was a major area of growth during this time, though the distance made it hard - a major focus of our prayer life has always been the love Christ showed for His Bride on the Cross. It is that sacrificial, self-denying, and painful yet beautiful love that carried our relationship through its college years. 

It was so fitting, then, that it was the Good Friday (which was also the Feast of the Annunciation!) of our senior year when Timmy dropped to one knee and asked me to be his bride. We started off Good Friday with a tradition that we've been doing for a number of years now - praying the Stations of the Cross for Married Couples and Families. While we obviously knew that we were neither of those things, that is the vocation we were preparing our hearts for, and so the prayers were helpful to us in understanding what the true call of the cross is. After praying the stations we went to Good Friday Liturgy, followed by praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet.

As we were walking back to my Residence Hall Timmy asked if I wanted to go pray in our favorite chapel in The Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception- the Mary, Queen of All Hearts Chapel, which is dedicated to St. Louis de Montfort and his Marian Consecration. We've prayed here many times throughout our years in college and Marian Consecration has played a huge role in our relationship- and so, I thought, what a perfect spot that would be for him to ask me to marry him...after getting my hopes up I came to realize that I was wrong, and Timmy would not be proposing there.

We walked out of the Basilica and I was almost in tears when Timmy said, "Hey you wanted to see the Cherry Blossoms right? Lets go say a Rosary in Mary's Garden later." We ended up going at sunset and as we walked into Mary's Garden I saw framed pictures of us from every year that we have been in each other's lives set up all around the garden, each with a rose in front of it. At the far end, in front of the statue of Mary, was an empty picture frame with a bouquet of roses before it.

Timmy led me to the statue of Mary, turned me to face him, smiled, and said "Brooke Alexis Paris, you've been the perfect sister to me, will you be my bride?" The sweetest nod there ever was to the Song of Songs, which we've prayed over many, many times throughout our relationship. He then got down on one knee and presented me with a ring. I kissed him, said yes and then shouted "We're engaged!" 

One of my best friends, a few of his, and his sister, who had been hiding in the bushes appeared at that point, as well as two professional photographers who had stumbled upon Timmy's friends setting up the photos and asked if they could shoot our proposal (for free!). God's providence is amazing, y'all. Looking back on it, his proposal was perfect. We spent the whole day in prayer, engaging in spiritual traditions that we're so important to our relationship, and turning our hearts towards the sacrificial love of Christ that we have now promised to embody for each other for the rest of our lives. We set our wedding date for June 30, 2017 and cannot wait to enter into the Sacrament!

A bit about our engagement photos: We did our engagement session in Old Town Alexandria, Virginia. Even though I live in DC right now, we're both born and bred Virginians and so we had to cross over into VA territory to capture these beautiful photos. We absolutely adore Old Town and have celebrated many anniversaries and other occasions in the heart of the Old Town cobblestone streets. 

The session felt like taking a casual stroll in Old Town while taking in the gorgeous fall weather that we were blessed with that day. Before the session we sat down in a gelato shop to talk about some of the things we're looking forward to and what matters most to us about our wedding day. It was such a great opportunity to let our photographers know where our hearts were at and to communicate to them how strongly we feel about our Wedding Liturgy being the highlight of our day. We were also able to brainstorm some ways to make our wedding day timeline the best for us as the bride and groom but also the best for all of our guests, who we are so excited to spend the most time possible with!

Brooke's advice for engaged couples: Balancing planning a wedding with preparing for marriage is no easy task! It is so easy to get caught up in tablecloths, center pieces and cake flavors (or in our case, pie!). For us, spreading out planning our wedding liturgy and our marriage prep sessions over the course of our engagement has helped us balance the wedding details with readying our hearts for the sacrament. One week we'll be focused on place-card settings and then the next we're focused on choosing a prayer for a particular part of the Mass. It has been so fun jumping back and forth!

Elise's Wedding | How to Have an Intentional Lent as a Couple

SAVE THE DATE ... our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

Photography by: Meaghan Clare Photography

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Lent can seem like a very solitary time in the Liturgical calendar: we are called to examen ourselves and work on our habits that might not be the most helpful in our spiritual lives. However, Lent is an excellent opportunity for you to develop new, healthy spiritual habits as a couple as well as individuals.  Since Hunter and I are tying the knot this year, we decided to be more intentional about Lent 2017 than we have been in the past. 

I have to say, I don't have the best Lenten record...usually I falter in my Lenten resolution within the first couple of weeks! However, this year, I was determined to make Lenten goals that were 1.) Actually achievable 2.) Brought me closer to the Lord and 3.) Brought both Hunter and I closer to one another and deepen our faith together. We can all passively try to make a Lenten resolution while consuming way to much sugar on Mardi Gras (maybe I'm just speaking for myself here), but the key to a fruitful Lent isn't just to give up something for the sake of doing so. Lenten observance isn't for God, He doesn't need our sacrifices. Rather, Lent is for us, as Christians, to become more attuned to God in our daily lives and refocus our gaze upon His love. 

Below I've listed six ways to enter into a fruitful Lent with your signifiant other. You can choose as many items from the list as you'd like, just make sure to do so intentionally. Take some time to pray and listen to how the Lord is drawing you closer to Him this Lent. We've also included a beautiful download from The Anchor Theory that you and your beloved can use to plan your Lent. 

1. Sacrifice Something Together as a Couple: Hunter and I decided to sacrifice extra spending this Lent: no eating out or nights at the movies for the next few weeks. Sacrificing something as a couple is a great way to come together and offer something to the Lord, even if it seems small. It's an opportunity to replace something in your normal routine (eating out) with prayer and time spent together with the Lord. Make sure to intentionally set alternatives to the thing that you are giving up: instead of spending time in front of the TV together, resolve to say a rosary each week.

2. The Examen: Since "intentionality" is our theme for this Lent, we really wanted to make it a point to reflect on our daily habits and to become more aware of how we are making, or failing, to keep God as the center of our lives. The Examen is a prayer developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola and is a method to reviewing your daily routines and practices. I'd encourage you and your significant other to pray the Examen each night together. Take time for silence and individual prayer and then if you feel comfortable, share with one another your reflections for the day and how you plan to improve for the following day.

3. Liturgy of the Hours: It is important as lay people to participate in the life of the Church on a daily basis, beyond just Sunday mass. The Divine Office is a fantastic way to raise your heart and mind to God throughout the day. "The purpose of the Divine Office is to sanctify the day and all human activity" (Apostolic Constitution, Canticum Laudis). There is morning prayer, evening prayer and night prayer. Decide with your partner which time of day works best for the both of you to pray the Office. Hunter and I like to say night prayer to conclude our days together by surrendering the day's happenings to God. 

4. Bible Study and Stations of the Cross: I always cringe when I hear the joke made that Catholics don't know their Scripture! Lent is an excellent time for you and your beloved to delve into the Bible. There are great Bible studies available online but it doesn't have to be too complicated: decide to devote 10-20 minutes each day reflecting on the daily readings and or turning to a passage in the Bible and praying with Scripture. You can even practice Lectio Divina if you feel called to delve deeper into the Lord's words this Lent. Most parishes host Stations of the Cross each Friday during Lent. This practice is another great way to enter into the Lord's Word, especially as we anticipate His Passion and death. 

5. Service: As Catholics, we are called to the Corporal Works of Mercy: feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, sheltering the homeless, visiting the sick, and giving alms to the poor. Set some time aside in your calendar in the next few weeks to donate your time and resources to those less fortunate. Look to your local food bank or decide to put a few extra dollars each week in the poor box each Sunday for the remainder of Lent.

6. Blessed is She: Although this practice might be geared more towards a Bride, the Blessed is She Lenten journal is still a great way to intentionally grow in your faith this Lenten season! I have used Blessed is She's journals in the past and plan to do so this Lent. Their workshops are also awesome resources for you to deepen your relationship with God.  

What are your Lenten goals for the next 33 days? Share in the comments below! 

Download your Intentional Lent Guide HERE.

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About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

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Kate + Adam | Winter Garden-Inspired Wedding

Unknown to each other at first, Kate and Adam lived a block apart in Washington, D.C. They each lived in community, respectively, with six other women and six other men. The night their roommates planned a Cinco de Mayo party with fajitas and a fire pit, they met for the first time and talked all night next to the fire.

A few years prior, Adam had attended his good friends' wedding at St. Ann's Catholic Church near Dallas. During the Nuptial Mass, he was deeply touched by his friends' witness and prayed his relationship with is future wife would reflect the same beautiful, holy love. As he realized Kate was the answer to that prayer, he made plans to propose in the chapel at St. Ann's, which, incidentally, is close by Kate's hometown. Right after she said Yes, her family was there to celebrate.

From the Bride:
I like simple elegance. We were going for a winter garden theme and incorporated lots of creams, whites, pale pink and greenery for the flowers, with touches of gray and silver throughout the palette.

Adam and I focused our preparation for marriage on the ceremony. As Catholics, we believe the sacrament of marriage is our participation in the love of God, so planning the Mass was the most important element for us. We chose our favorite hymns and Scripture passages—including a reading from the Book of Tobit that my parents, Adam's parents, and my sister each used in their own weddings. My uncle, who is a priest, celebrated the Mass and gave a beautiful, heartfelt homily. 

We chose the Westin Riverwalk in San Antonio for our reception venue--my older sister, Maria, celebrated her wedding over two years prior, and wee knew it was a beautiful location, two blocks away from the cathedral where the ceremony would be, and we already knew and felt comfortable with the staff there.

We wanted a simple and elegant wedding cake. Our good friends at Delice made their famous almond cake infused with Amaretto and topped with buttercream frosting and fondant. Delice's head baker, Susana Mijares is a graduate of Le Cordon Bleu and was recently featured on the second season of Food Network's Spring Baking Championship. We also served the bakery's carmelitas–-bars made of oatmeal, caramel, milk, dark, and white Belgian chocolate, and pecans--one of my favorite desserts.

For favors, we assembled boxes of Irish Cream Lindt truffles that said “Love is sweet,” a flavor that reflected our upcoming Ireland honeymoon. We also made wands with bells and streamers, with a passage from the wedding readings: "Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God" (1 Jn 4:7-14).

Seeing the reception room with Adam and my parents before opening the doors to our guests was one of my favorite memories of the night. It was so humbling to see the hard work of our families and friends come together. Getting to eat, dance, and celebrate with our our loved ones is what made our reception so special--it was such a gift to be surrounded by so many people we love from various parts of our lives.

Another favorite memory from reception was the Father-Daughter dance with my dad. We had practiced diligently for over a month, and I so fondly remember dancing around our house together before the big day. Seeing that come together was also beautiful and so special! 

From the Photographer: Kate and Adam are an amazing witness to the love God intended for marriage. With every fiber of their being they radiated his grace on their wedding day, and still do in their married life. It was a true honor to be present; to witness and to capture their sacrament of love. Everyone in attendance was filled with the joy of the Holy Sprit and day was wrapped in the protection and love of our Mother Mary. If you could look into my husband and I that night, you'd have seen our hearts aglow with awe for this blessed and holy sacrament. 

By the way, Kate and Adam they had a life-size cutout of the Pope Francis at the reception! They both love him so much, and decided to include him!

Photography: Horn Photography + Design | Church: San Fernando Cathedral, San Antonio, TX | Reception Venue: Westin Riverwalk, San Antonio, TX | Celebrant: Reverend Pablo Rodriguez, LC | Bride's Dress: Rosa Clara Two | Bride's Shoes: Antonio Melani | Groom's Tux: Men’s Warehouse | Hair+ Makeup: Madame Make-Up & Hair, San Antonio, TX | Floral: Danny Cuellar of Trinity Flowers and Events, San Antonio, TX | Cake: Délice Chocolatier & Patisserie, San Antonio, TX | Wedding Coordinator: Audrey Eichelberger of Timeless Beginnings Wedding Coordinators, San Antonio, TX | Bridesmaids' Dresses: Bella Bride Boutique | Invitations: Moon Mippy Stationary and Invitations, San Antonio, TX | Band: Oh So Good! Band, San Antonio, TX

I Dos and Dont's: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | The Planning Phase of Your Engagement + 2 Downloadable Workbooks

ANDI COMPTON

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

Last month, Andi introduced an alternative to a month-by-month wedding planning timeline: the Phase Approach. Here, she breaks down for you the first phase, Planning, and has created two sets of worksheets to help you envision exactly what you'd like for your Nuptial Mass and reception. They're beautifully designed, comprehensive resources we're thrilled to offer you!

Once the excitement of early engagement starts to wane, and more and more people begin asking, “When is the wedding?” it’s time to seriously begin praying and discerning what your wedding day will be like, and how it will give glory to God.

Every couple has different expectations about their wedding day. Some imagine an intimate gathering of their nearest and dearest at a swanky hotel or art gallery, dining on rich food and dancing until midnight. Others picture everyone they’ve ever known at a casual backyard reception in the afternoon, eating a simple buffet and delicious cake, with lawn games and minimal dancing while they sit and talk to guests.  

The Planning Phase is the time to sit and talk with all the parties who will be contributing to the wedding about their expectations. While, yes, the day is to celebrate the bride and groom, parents are often investing large sums of money into the day. Their opinions deserve to be respectfully heard.

You would be surprised at how many parents, dads included, have a vision for their child’s wedding. During my own planning, I was surprised to find my husband’s family has a completely different approach to weddings than what my family was accustomed to, and my future in-laws had never been to a wedding like the one we were planning. It was also crazy to find out my dad had always thought I’d wear a ball gown (he knows me!) and that my mom always dreamed of elaborate white flowers for me.

So before you meet with any vendors, and even before you start getting numbers together to set a budget, dream big! I’ve created a free downloadable workbook for you that’s full of questions and lots of space for you to write down answers, draw or paste pictures; whatever you need to really dig deep and get to the heart of wedding planning.

The workbook below is designed to guide conversations with your fiancé and families. It has plenty of room for notes and cutting and pasting images from magazines or the internet. So please, feel free to get messy with it and get all your thoughts on paper.

We’ve also created a checklist for this Planning Phase that begins upon engagement and generally ends about 6-9 months before the wedding, depending on your timeline. I've aimed to make it comprehensive, but feel free to cross off items that don't apply to you and to add your own to-dos to the list!

Download the Planning Phase resources below:

• PLAN Worksheet
• Planning Checklist

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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You Are More Than Your Imperfections.

CARISSA PLUTA

The Garden of Eden was, by no exaggeration, Heaven on earth. It was there in which perfect union between God and man existed and seen clearly in the union of Adam and Eve. But we know how the rest of the story goes: earthly paradise had a traitor in its midst.

Photography: Kassondra Design

The evil one, disguised as the serpent, convinced Eve to eat the fruit of the forbidden tree. He did this, not by forcing her and not because Eve was stupid or weak, but by bringing into question her identity as a daughter of God.

He says to her: ”You will not die. For God knows that when you eat of [the fruit] your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Eve, feeling lied to by her Heavenly Father, eats the fruit. Because of the voice of the serpent, Eve believes God does not desire her good. Eve eats the fruit because the serpent causes her to question the love God has for her. This questioning causes a rift in the union between God and man, and in turn between Eve and Adam. It is a rift we still often feel the effects of in our own relationships and in our marriages. 

I spent years of high school and college being reminded at various women talks that I am a daughter of God. But perhaps it was the “fluffiness” of the whole thing that stopped me from trying to gain a deep understanding of this knowledge: "You are the daughter of the King. You are a princess!" It’s not that being a princess sounded like such a terrible thing, but it sounded too much like a fairy tale to truly believe.

But I’ve only begun to realize recently that the uncertainty that accompanied my identity made it harder for me to hear God’s voice while the serpent’s voice came more clearly. When we are not grounded in who we are, it is hard to hear anything over the lies, over our insecurities, over our wounds; if you are not a daughter, the serpent says, you are nothing more than your imperfections.

And how often, then, do these falsities creep into our relationships, particularly our relationship with our fiancé or spouse? "I am so stupid; I can’t do anything right. How can he truly love me with all of my imperfections?" Our knowledge of self, the assurance of our identity, has to be the foundation of our relationships and marriages. 

When it is not, we give in more quickly to fear, to anger, to jealousy, and to distrust. We allow our peace to be taken and our relationships to grow a little more chaotic. We are easily annoyed by minor mistakes made or we compare ourselves to others. We are not open to receive love from our husbands, and giving fully of ourselves is made impossible. We eat of the fruit and the unity of our marriage suffers. 

Instead, ask for the graces that are your inheritance and glory in the knowledge that you are a daughter of the King of the Universe.

The Creator who formed the Earth with His hands, who painted the stars we see at night, who breathed life into man. That you are a daughter of the One who calls the sun to rise each morning and set each evening, and the One who commands armies of Angels. That you are a daughter of a Father who created you to love and to be loved by Him, of a Father who suffers alongside his children and who triumphed over death.

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About the Author: About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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How He Asked | Janae + Ryan

We recently featured Janae and Ryan's beautiful Texas summer wedding and were delighted when they also submitted their engagement story. Janae and Ryan's met on their university tennis team, where their shared love of Jesus and tennis brought them together--even though Ryan was not yet Catholic. Through Janae's prayers, love, and a book by Scott Hahn, Ryan entered RCIA and entered the Church a year before their engagement. When he proposed to Janae, he chose to do so at the shrine where he made his first Confession, and we can't think of a more romantic spot for a proposal!

In Ryan's words: Janae and I met on the UT Tyler tennis team. From the time Janae and I started dating I knew it was part of God’s Divine plan. Faith had very little to do with my life the few years prior to us dating. My sophomore year in college I began to truly experience the mercy of God when my roommate and I went to Bible study. This is when I began to really encounter Him, and when He began the healing process in me. I opened up to those closest to me about my journey and my past, and the next day I went on a date with my future wife. 

Janae is holy, and made me strive to be holy! I was completely unworthy to deserve a chance to lead her, but she graciously trusted her heart to me. Janae and I dated for nearly two years before I proposed. It is crazy looking back how He used a completely incredible woman to sanctify me, and grow me. God held our hands and led us to marriage. Looking back, there is nothing more obvious in my entire life than that Jesus wanted Janae and me to be married.

However, there is a twist in this story that shows God’s providence. When Janae and I were dating she was Catholic, and I was Protestant. What bound us together was that we both loved Jesus. As we began to become more serious, we talked about how we wanted to raise a family in the same church. Out of respect for Janae, I began to look into Catholicism. 

While Janae went to Peru for a mission trip, I was spending time at home and making a long road trip to visit family. Janae decided to leave me the book Rome Sweet Home by Scott Hahn. This is where the twist in my spiritual journey began! I discovered so many new beauties to the faith that I was never aware of. I continued to read, discuss with my family, and soon couldn’t wait any longer! Six months later I joined RCIA and became Catholic on June 2nd, 2015. Since then, having access to Confession and the Eucharist has been unbelievable. I want others to feel the supernatural grace of the Sacraments and to experience God firsthand in the Catholic Church.

On July 3rd, 2015 Janae and I went to a Latin Mass at the Mission of Divine Mercy, the place I made my first Confession. The mission has beautiful grounds and a walking Stations of the Cross. After Mass, I led my beautiful bride to be down a path that led to an empty tomb with a cross. It was there that I asked her to be my teammate for a lifetime through the vocation of marriage. Looking back, I am glad I proposed at this particular place. The cross and the empty tomb symbolize the crux of the Christian story and our call as a married couple. The cross is the greatest symbol of love. Jesus suffered unimaginable pain and died in the most brutal fashion. Just as Jesus died for me, I offer the same sacrificial love to my wife. St. John Paul II wrote that “Spouses are the permanent reminder to the Church of what happened on the Cross; they are for one another and for others the witnesses to the salvation in which the sacrament makes them sharers”(Familiaris Consortio). Janae and I are bound together and united by this cross. God has placed a teammate and helpmate by my side to help me on my journey towards heaven. If I ever find myself on Calvary hill, I know Janae will be like my Veronica and be there to wipe away my tears, and I hope to be like her Simon of Cyrene and help carry her burdens. 

The biggest piece of advice I can give is to discuss everything and anything before marriage. This is person is going to be your best friend through life and it is important to establish that open line of communication. We are only a few months into marriage, and we are already seeing the joy and intimacy that came as a fruit of these conversations. It may not always be pretty or easy, but it is important to talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly! Also have those completely weird and random conversations. Express your hearts to each other often! Jesus works in those words.

In Janae's Words: 15 months ago Ryan gave me a pretty ring on my finger and endless joy in my heart but none of that compares to the joy of our Lord. Ladies, my advice is learn what it means to be the bride of Christ. It will teach you so much about becoming the bride of a man. 

Photo Credit: Brother of the bride | Engagement Location: Mission of Divine Mercy- New Braunfels, Tx