We Want to Share Your Story

 

Our mission at Spoken Bride is to be a witness of the beauty of the Catholic understanding of the sacrament of marriage, and we are truly grateful for the ways that our vendors, contributors, and newly engaged and married couples help us do just that. If you haven't considered submitting your story to Spoken Bride, we hope you will. In addition to wedding features, we are particularly interested in the following: 

Proposal stories - This spring we launched our "How He Asked" series. We are always looking for newly engaged couples and their proposal stories. Professional photography is encouraged, but not required for this submission. 

Betrothal Ceremonies - If you and your fiancé decide to take advantage of the Church's traditional betrothal ceremony, consider sharing it with us! Again, professional photography is encouraged, but not required. 

Weddings featuring mixed cultures and ethnicities - Our Church is beautifully diverse! We would love to showcase and share its many countries and cultural traditions

Weddings featuring various Catholic Rites - Spoken Bride isn't just for Novus Ordo Catholics: we love to hear from couples whose wedding liturgies were celebrated in other rites (Byzantine, Tridentine, Maronite, Armenian, etc.). The Church is many parts and is universal! Let's celebrate it and share it with others. 

International Weddings - Know of a Catholic couple who got married outside the US? We'd love to feature their wedding! 

Convalidations - Catholics originally married outside of the Church, who wish to have their marriage recognized as a permanent and sacramental covenant, do what is called a convalidation ceremony. It's our honor to share the stories of real couples who've felt called to make that covenant.

Styled Shoots - Are you a vendor who has recently collaborated with others to create a beautiful styled shoot? We'd love to share the inspiration and images from the shoot. Please note: If you attended a workshop with a styled shoot incorporated for the attendees and you would like to submit it, you will need to get permission from the head of the workshop before doing so. 

Original articles on anything related to engagement, marriage, wedding planning, etc- Your reflections, advice, and musings on the beauty of the sacrament of marriage are invaluable to us and our community here at Spoken Bride. If you have an idea for a post that fits with our mission, please send it our way. Please note that we cannot use pieces that have been published previously on other websites or publications. Editorial policies can be found here in full.

If you have questions or want more information on requirements for different types of submissions, check out our submissions page or email us at hello@spokenbride.com. We look forward to hearing from you and sharing what the Lord has done in your life with our Spoken Bride community! 

Amy + Jake | Midwinter Mountain Wedding

Amy says she would have laughed out loud if, back in middle school, she’d been told she would marry the shy young man who asked her to dance at their school’s cotillion. But providence delights in revealing to us the most wonderful surprises.

Amy and Jake became fast friends in high school when they found themselves on the same speech and debate team, making each other laugh and offering support through breakups and debate competitions. The next thing they knew, they were dating.

The two attended the same college and same semester abroad in Rome, where their faith and relationship deepened. It was in the Eternal City that the realization hit: their vocation was marriage, to each other.

During Amy’s summer job in Alaska, Jake flew out to visit and brought her to a mountain lake. In true Harry Potter fan style, he presented Amy with a golden Snitch, saying, “since you’re such a catch, will you marry me?”

 From the Bride: The beginning of our engagement was indescribably precious. At the time, I was living with a priest and his wife--they were former Methodists who’d converted to the Catholic faith after marriage. Immediately after Jake proposed, we received a blessing from the priest and were able to worship in the perpetual Adoration chapel at his parish. Throughout our engagement, we prepared through a weekly holy hour and guidance from our college chaplain, who would marry us. We celebrated Valentine’s Day with an Engaged Encounter retreat. Although our 18-month engagement often felt endless, it allowed us to prayerfully prepare every moment of our wedding day.

 When planning the wedding, we knew certain trends related to vendors, timing, and dress weren’t entirely our style. We opted for a morning wedding with a brunch reception in the parish hall, with a wall of windows letting in the daylight. We were married in the same church my parents had met and married at, and which Jake’s grandparents had attended throughout their lives in Colorado Springs. We chose bright colors and shorter bridesmaids dresses, despite the midwinter date.

I knew I would cry throughout the day, but I didn’t realize just how much! It all started when Jake and I met to pray together before the Mass. As I held his hand, behind his back so he couldn’t see me, we both teared up. Fortunately, I was carrying a handkerchief from his grandmother, who had passed away earlier in the year, as my Something Old. My tears continued as my bridesmaids and sister-in-law prayed over me before the Mass, showering me with their love.

As my dad and I walked down the aisle in the glorious morning sun, the truth of the moment hit me: we were finally entering into our vocation. To do so in the church we’d grown up in felt like home, and each part of our liturgy reflected that. We used chalices that were donated in Jake’s grandparents’ names and had family share their musical gifts throughout the Mass. Nothing was more precious than being surrounded by our loved ones as we made our vows--ones I could barely finish through more happy tears.

Two moments from our wedding Mass stand out in my memory. First, as our priest recited the nuptial blessing over us, he asked each attendee to offer up their intentions for us and ask for any graces they wanted us to receive in marriage. I have never felt the Holy Spirit more powerfully than in that moment of silence.

Second, to honor our Blessed Mother, Jake and I offered her roses as my sister sang the Ave Maria. Choking up with tears from the beauty of the moment, we prayed a Memorare to Mary, asking that she bless our life together.

 Along with tears came wonderful laughter throughout the day. As we signed the marriage license, our wedding party was cordoned in the confessional. One of our groomsmen popped a bottle of champagne to celebrate and spilled nearly the whole bottle on the floor, leading to some wonderful photos of our horrified and cracking up bridesmaids.

For the reception, I’d learned calligraphy for invitations and place cards and handmade them with my sister. We painted wine bottles for centerpieces and printed crossword puzzles for guests to complete. Jake’s cousin created a beautiful wooden cake stand with our initials on it, which now sits at our front door.

After Jake’s dad blessed the food, we greeted our guests at the head of the buffet line. I highly recommend this –nobody skips out on food, and this lets you forego a receiving line! Our brunch included our favorite foods: breakfast burritos, crepes, grilled cheese and cinnamon rolls.

 In lieu of a first dance, we chose to include a scavenger hunt and musical chairs game for the wedding party. They competed to determine whether the Maids of Honor or Best Man would give their toast first. As the Best Man and my sisters alternated singing and sharing memories, I couldn’t help but cry again. My sweet sisters stole the show, and our guests talked about their speech for weeks after.

We emerged from the reception to cheers of joy and a shower of confetti, captured perfectly by our photographer. Since we were leaving early the next morning--New Year’s Day--for our honeymoon, we stayed at the hall to clean up and attend evening Mass. What a blessing it was to spend that first peaceful hour after our guests departed in prayer and thanksgiving for the gift of marriage!

Venerable Fulton Sheen writes, “The vocation to marriage is a vocation to happiness, which comes through holiness and sanctity,” something I think about when I’m asked how married life is. It is both new and familiar in ways I never expected. On one hand, it is a natural continuation of our relationship. Day-to-day chores are the same; our relationship and love for each other are not drastically changed. However, there is an incredible intimacy which wasn’t there before. We continue to grow--spiritually, emotionally and physically--together as we’ve developed habits of prayer, tradition and sacrifice, all reflecting the beauty of our vocation to true happiness that began on our wedding day.

Photography: Lionhearted Photography | Church: St. Patrick Roman Catholic Church, Colorado Springs, CO | Wedding Reception Venue: Julie Penrose Hall, St. Paul Catholic Church, Colorado Springs, CO | Rings: Shane Co. (Bride), Hurdles Jewelry, Boulder, CO (Groom) | Caterer/Cake/Flowers: Bon Appetit Catering | Dress: Leanne Marshall | Shoes: Sseko Designs | Bridesmaids Dresses: Adrianna Papell | Photobooth/Emcee: HEPS DJ and Photobooth

An Open Letter to My Past Self, on Her Wedding Day

KRISTI DENOY

 

You’re a bride. Today is your wedding day: the culmination of your months of planning, stressing, laughing, crying, DIYing, and writing really large checks that made you die a little on the inside. Today concludes the preparation and tough conversations you’ve had with the man who will become your husband.

Congratulations.

Enjoy today, beautiful bride. But know today is just the first day of your vocation. Know today will be a whirlwind—of emotions, of time. It’s going to be a blur when you look back. Also know that it won’t be anything like the millions of romantic comedy weddings you’ve witnessed (and yeah, okay, sometimes dreamed of).

It will be so much more.

You might not believe it now, but when you wake up this morning, you’ll creep out of bed with sheer calm, knowing you are about to join your husband in a spiritual, metaphysical way. You’ll prepare your makeup and hair and won’t be able to stop smiling all morning.

That’s joy. This day will bring you joy. You’re marrying the man who loves you. He makes you laugh. He's silly with you. But you know what else? He’s the man who will choose to love you every single day—even  a month into marriage when you’re being less-than-desirable. He’s the man who will hold you when you’re a mess and crying.

He’s the man who will make you a better person: the one who will make you question what you thought mattered. The one who will help you see that making small sacrifices for him is love. Your dreams will evolve to include and consider him. It will fill your heart more to perform random acts of love for him just to see him smile—and your marriage will be all the better for it. Soon, you’ll be carefully choosing your words and when to say them for him, because sometimes things are best left unsaid.

Today your life together begins.

It starts in that beautiful church, the one you first sat in four years ago, wondering if you were meant to be single forever. Where you joined ministries and made friends, including the cantor, lector, and the altar server’s entire family, serving side-by-side, who are here today. The church where you and your betrothed shared your first Mass. It’s simple and minimal, allowing you to focus on the moments of the Mass rather than the glitz.

You chose a lovely, modest gown off-the rack, on clearance with an additional discount. And you look like a princess. That’s because you are. You are the daughter of the King of Kings. Your sister-in-law bought you the most beautiful bouquet. The single-piano music will soon begin. The cake has been delivered and the food is being prepared for the celebration. The photographer is ready to shoot. But that’s not what today is about.

Today is about you and him and Him. Three of you: husband, wife, and Creator, coming together in this covenant, surrounded by the word of God and the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

Today is about honoring God in the infancy of your new life together, from its very first moments.

Beautiful bride, holy child, today is about you working with God to create something beautiful: a life of sacrificial love.

Sincerely,

Kristi


About the Author: Kristi Denoy is newlywed to a handsome man, momma to a wonderful daughter, theatre aficionado, and an HR guru with a soft spot for farmer's markets and mom and pop coffee shops. She blogs at Hail Marry, where she also co-hosts the FIAT: Faith in All Things podcast.

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Vendor Spotlight | The Mantilla Company

Mantilla simply means “veil” in Spanish, and typically refers to the lacy chapel veils worn by older women at Mass in Spain and other Latin American countries. Although fewer young women wear mantillas to Mass on a regular basis, many still choose to wear a Spanish-style veil on their wedding day as a nod to the ancient Catholic tradition of veiling that which is sacred.

When she was planning her wedding, Gloria Franklin, founder and owner of The Mantilla Company, wanted to wear an authentic, Spanish-made mantilla to incorporate her heritage and faith into her bridal look. Her local search for the right veil ended in frustration: the selection was small, the cost was steep, and the mantillas did not have a traditional Spanish look to them. Thanks to her family in Spain, Gloria was able to find the perfect handmade, heirloom-quality mantilla at a quarter of the cost of a similar veil in the US. Through this experience, Gloria was inspired to help other brides find the mantilla-style veil of their dreams without breaking the bank, and The Mantilla Company was born.

Gloria hand-selects each veil that she sells from trusted Spanish vendors, and asks her brides to send her photos of their wedding dress so she can find the veil that perfectly complements it. The intricate and diverse lace patterns and varying lengths ensure that each bride can find exactly what she is looking for, and the reasonable prices provide budgetary peace of mind. 

From Gloria:  I truly feel blessed, honored and flattered to be able to do this work. It is so important to me to express my gratitude to my customers and I try to do that by putting a lot of thought into my selections for each bride. I love receiving emails (and photos!) from satisfied brides, whether it’s after try their mantilla on for the first time or after their wedding.

The Mantilla Company has been featured on Style Me Pretty, Wedding Chicks, Ruffled Blog, June Bug Weddings, and Want That Wedding UK.

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How He Asked | Danielle + Jeff

Proposal_05.jpg

How He Asked | Danielle + Jeff

 

Danielle and Jeff grew up 1300 miles from each other, in Florida and Minnesota, respectively. By the time they met at the University of St. Thomas during grad school, Jeff was in seminary, though he’d recently discerned he wasn’t called to continue with formation for the priesthood. They’d cross paths within the same group of friends here and there, but Danielle was surprised and hesitant when, the following year, Jeff made it clear he’d like to actively pursue her heart.

 In Danielle’s Words: I wasn’t initially sure how I felt about Jeff, because there wasn’t an immediate attraction. For us, the attraction grew as we got to know each other. After a few dates and receiving flowers and notes in the mail, I decided I would give Jeff a chance and become his girlfriend.

That was the best decision I ever made.

Though I didn’t have all the answers and there were still many uncertainties, I trusted God and he blessed our relationship. Jeff and I continue to help each other grow in our faith, and I’ve certainly learned much more about the Church since we’ve been together. At the start of our relationship, we began going to Mass together in the Extraordinary Form and found so much beauty within this tradition. All of a sudden it became a habit, and we found ourselves attending the Latin Mass at the same church every Sunday. 

Fast forward to three years later. 

It was a Saturday morning in February. I was up, getting ready, and putting my makeup on as I waited for Jeff to pick me up for a visit to his sister, Christine’s--the night before, Christine had texted me asking if we could meet up for her to give me something. Once we were in the car, Christine called asking if we could change our meeting location, to Jeff’s brother Jeremy’s house near our parish. As we were driving to what I thought was Jeremy’s house, Jeff was actually taking me to our church to pop the question!

Although I didn’t know Jeff had been planning to propose that day, I’d seen this coming for a long time. Both of us had long known we were called to marriage, yet until recently, neither of us had the money or stable income to move forward with our life together. After many novenas and prayers, Jeff had just found a great job working for the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis. Soon after starting his new position, he began planning a surprise proposal.

When Jeff pulled into the church parking lot, I was so confused. He asked if we could stop in for a quick prayer. We walked in together; he took the lead. I followed Jeff to a front pew.

After praying, Jeff handed me a colorful picture book, telling me me to open it and explore our memories together. As I flipped through the pages, I saw the course of our relationship. Family. Friends. Good times together.

I turned to the last page. Written there was Will you be my everything? At that moment my heart was racing! I was overcome with emotion, but Jeff remained calm and asked me to stand. He pulled a small black box from his pocket with a white gold ring inside.

After sharing a long, loving embrace, Jeff asked me if I wanted to wear the ring and I nodded with anticipation. Christine met us in the front of the church. She was in on the ruse the whole time and had been taking photos from the choir loft. It was one of the most joyful moments of our lives.

Photography: Alyssa Michelle Photography | Proposal Location: St. Joseph Catholic Church, Miesville, Minnesota | Engagement Ring: Gittelson Jewelers | Engagement Photoshoot: Como Park Zoo & Conservatory

Newlywed Life | Maintaining Your Female Friendships After Marriage

There’s deep value in treating the first months of your marriage as sacred, a cocoon to forge and strengthen your relationship as you take on a new life and mission as one. Consciously setting boundaries around your newlywed days bears such fruit in both romance and mutual respect. Whether you’re in the cocoon or out of it, though, where does your new marriage leave your longtime relationships with girlfriends?

Depending on your age, where you live, and simply on the Father’s particular call for your vocations, most of your close female friends might be seriously dating or a few years married at the time of your own wedding, or many might still be single. As a new bride, you might be joining the ranks of women in your life who’ve already entered into living with a boy, making their spouses their top priority, and consulting with their husbands before making major decisions with spending, travel, and social obligations. Alternatively, you might be one of the first to chart these waters among your group of friends.

The newness of respecting your marriage, while still not removing yourself entirely from the lives of women who were there before your wedding and who remain there after, is a balancing act and natural transition of married life that depends, in some ways, on your friends’ own life situations. Here, three ways to prioritize your husband and your marriage while maintaining close female friendships:

Actively seek ways to talk and spend quality time that don’t focus solely on your identity as a newlywed.

 Becoming a wife is a sacramental reality; a real change in who you are and the most defining identity you’ll ever take on. The complementarity of man and woman in marriage is irreplaceable, yet the bonds of femininity you share with your girlfriends is just as unique. In the aftermath of the wedding whirlwind, it can be easy for both you and your friends to turn to your wedding day and marriage as an immediate topic of conversation, which can be healthy and good. But remember that while your own life has undergone a major transition, those of your friends might be back to status quo. It sounds obvious, but is worth remembering: go outside of yourself; make efforts not only to talk about your friends’ own lives, but to just talk about non-marriage-related matters.

Two possibilities offer frequent opportunities for conversations like these. First, an article club is like a book club, but with a far lower level of commitment. Among you and your friends, choose several articles to read beforehand on a chosen topic; you’ll likely find that the content of the pieces themselves doesn’t become the main topic at hand, but the underlying ideas they spark are sure to inspire deep discussion and reflection. To springboard your conversations, we love the thoughtful content from Blessed Is She, The Cor Project, the Theology of the Body Institute, The Young Catholic Woman, and Integrity.

 Second, formally joining your friends in prayer, whether by a weekly email thread or by meeting half an hour early for Mass, is a powerful way to remain close in the Lord and to stay current on the goings-on in each others’ lives. Choose a time to periodically intercede for each others’ intentions, and entrust your friendships to Christ, his mother, and the saints. 

Host your friends.

Benedictine orders view hospitality as a charism. Consider, with your husband, whether it might be a gift the two of you are called to in the form of hosting your friends. Often, after marriage, close friends tend to keep a wider berth around newlyweds out of respect for their relationship, which is both courteous and well-intended. But sometimes you just miss each other.

Opening your home to your friends extends them an invitation into your new, shared life. Having one friend and, if she has one, her significant other, over to dinner gives you a chance to share who your husband is and deepen his friendships with your friends, or hosting a larger social event echoes Pope Francis’ reminder that “married couple[s] are therefore a permanent reminder for the Church of what took place on the Cross,” and what took place after: let your love be a life-giving witness to the joy of knowing the Father’s love and mercy.

Avoid the small things when it comes to gossip.

Complaining to a friend is often an instant source of bonding, yet it’s a superficial one. Reject the temptation to gossip about your husband or share details of particular struggles in your relationship; by refraining, you keep your problems simpler by keeping them between the two of you, and you avoid any misunderstanding on the part of a friend that could damage your husband’s reputation or paint a false picture of him. While most among us know gossip, on a large scale, is wrong and fairly easily avoidable, striving for prudence even in joking about certain small bad habits or weaknesses of your husband’s conveys deep respect.

 Of course, even with a cocoon period, matters like holidays, business travel, or weddings might mean spending more time away from your new home or time apart than you’d like. Overall, taking time to identify ways of staying close to the women in your life is its own reward, in the form of clear expectations between you and your spouse about what the first months of your marriage will be like, and in the form of habitually making concrete, rather than “sometime” plans with female friends that still prioritize your home life and marriage emotionally and geographically.

Don’t pressure yourself to strike the perfect balance of marriage and friends right away. Pray to make your relationship an invitation and witness to others, and in time God, in his faithfulness, will delight in revealing to you exactly how your unique relationship can do just that.

How to Get Your Marriage Blessed by the Pope

 

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

My husband and I just returned from our babymoon/honeymoon part two, in which we traveled to Rome and several locations in Northern Italy. It was a beautiful trip, but by far the highlight was going to the papal audience on Wednesday, June 13, and being blessed by Pope Francis as part of the “Sposi Novelli” (newlywed) blessing. Our baby in utero got a special blessing as well! When I posted one of our photos on Instagram, I got lots of questions about how couples can go about planning their own newlywed blessing, so I thought I’d share some of what I learned from our experience.

Order your tickets in advance.

All papal audience tickets are free, but due to the number of newlyweds who want to attend each week, you must request tickets from the Bishops’ Office for United States Visitors to the Vatican (contact your local diocesan office for information if you do not live in the US). It’s as simple as emailing the office a few months ahead of your visit, asking for Sposi Novelli tickets for the Wednesday audience you want to attend, and picking the tickets up between 3-6 PM on the evening before the audience. The office is near the Trevi Fountain and you can find directions to it on their website.

Be aware of the rules and restrictions.

According to the BIshops’ Office, couples are eligible for the Sposi Novelli blessing if they’ve been married for two months or less*, and must bring their marriage certificate, signed by a priest or deacon, with them to the audience.  

*In the interest of full disclosure, Kristian and I did not know this rule and had almost been married six months at the time of our Sposi Novelli blessing (we planned on going much earlier, but first trimester and international travel do not mix well). As I said before, our baby got blessed too as I was visibly pregnant, but that didn’t seem to bother anyone. If you want to get your marriage blessed but can’t go to Rome within two months of your wedding, it may still be possible, but it’s a good idea to check with the Bishops’ Office before you book your airline tickets.  

Plan your wardrobe.

 For the Sposi Novelli blessing, couples are expected to come in “wedding attire”, which broadly interpreted means men in suits and women in white dresses. At our audience, there were women fully decked out in their wedding dresses and grooms in tuxes, but that isn’t required. And if you go to Rome in the summer, you may want to forego the wedding dress simply due to the intense heat in St. Peter’s Square.  

A note about dress code: There’s no specific dress code to get into St. Peter’s Square, where the audience is held, but if you want to go into the Basilica afterward, you’ll need to have your shoulders and knees covered.

Get there early.

The Bishops’ Office recommends that you get to the audience as early as possible (the Square officially opens at 6:30 AM) even though the audience doesn’t begin until 10 AM. Kristian and I weren’t able to make it until about 8:30 due to jet lag, but even then almost all of the special seats for the Sposi Novelli were taken. It’s worth it to get there as early as possible, especially since there’s nothing quite like an almost-empty St. Peter’s Square in the early morning light. Just bring snacks, a water bottle, and some reading/prayer material with you to pass the time.

Note: The Basilica does not open until a couple of hours after the audience concludes, so you won’t be able to go to Mass beforehand.

Pay attention to the weather.

I’ve been to Rome during every season except Fall (which I hear is gorgeous), and as much as I love the Eternal City, I must say that summer (mid-June through August) is a tough time to visit. The heat can be oppressive and there’s little relief from trees or ubiquitous A/C. But if summer is your only option, there are a few things you can do to beat the heat at the Sposi Novelli blessing:

-Don’t wear your wedding dress unless it’s light, airy, and breathable. Consider purchasing a white dress that will allow you to look bridal without overheating.

-Advise your husband to wear a lightweight summer suit.

-Bring an umbrella or parasol (I’m so thankful that the Italian couple sitting next to us let me huddle under theirs).

-Bring a LARGE bottle of water and refill it while you’re waiting in one of the natural fountains in the Square.

-Wear sunglasses.

-Bring something to fan yourself with. Trust me.  

Note: If you are planning a winter or spring visit to the Vatican, an umbrella is also a good idea as it tends to rain more often during those seasons.

Bring any religious articles you'd like blessed by the Pope.

At the end of the audience, the Holy Father will do a general blessing of any and all religious articles that you’ve brought with you. I wish I had remembered to bring the rosary that was wrapped around my bouquet! 

Be aware that you may not get a cool photo with Pope Francis.

Depending on the time of year, the number of couples sitting in the Sposi Novelli section varies quite a bit. Couples from all over the world (especially Italy and other countries in Europe) come for the newlywed blessing.  You’re more likely to get facetime with the Holy Father if you do not go during the summer. If you do go during the summer, like Kristian and I did, be prepared for the possibility that you may only get a general greeting from the Pope. We were able to get to the front of the line because I'm pregnant (pregnant women, I learned, are treated like royalty in Rome), but that was an unexpected blessing as there were over 100 newly married couples in attendance that day! My brother and sister-in-law, who went in May 2016, were part of a much smaller group in which everyone got a personal greeting from the Pope.

Note: if you do get photos with Pope Francis, you’ll have an opportunity that afternoon to peruse them, choose the ones you like, and have them printed out for you for a small fee.

What if you can't make it to a papal audience for a special newlywed blessing? Are your dreams of papal marriage blessings dead? Not at all! You always have the option of requesting a Papal blessing for your marriage directly from the Vatican, which is printed on parchment and sent to your home.

I hope this has been a helpful guide for planning a Sposi Novelli trip to Rome. If you're engaged and planning on honeymooning in Rome or a newlywed who recently made the trek, we'd love to hear about your experience in the comments! 

 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The EvangelistaRead more

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Robyn + Greg | Spring Garden-Inspired Wedding

After a season of not enjoying or feeling at peace on dates, the sound of a man’s incredibly joyful laugh made Robyn pause, listen, and take a deep breath before opening the door to a bonfire and bourbon-tasting party. It would be the night she met her husband.

Robyn and Greg talked at the party that night and continued the conversation over the following weeks, sending each other music and poetry recommendations. But it wasn’t until a month after their first meeting, when they found themselves the only two in a D.C. Metro station on Divine Mercy Sunday, that their friendship moved toward dating. As Robyn descended the escalator to catch her train, she found herself face to face with Greg.

From the Bride: That day Greg and I met again at the station, we spent the next few hours walking up and down the Georgetown waterfront, talking nonstop about everything. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, "They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered." It's a line that comes to mind often when I think of how our story started. The next week, we had our first date.

 We dated for two years before getting engaged--traveling, camping, wine tasting, dancing, reading--slipping more and more into that intimacy. It wasn't always easy between losing a job, adjusting to new careers, and much self-discovery about how to be the best version of ourselves in a relationship, not just the “best girlfriend” or "best boyfriend” to make each other happy. But it was full of more laughter and joy than I had ever known.

Two years after I stumbled upon Greg in the Metro, he surprised me at the same escalator with his great-grandmother's ring.

We wanted to make sure our wedding celebration expressed our personalities and our stories. Picking the Mass readings was somehow the easiest part our wedding planning. Although both our families are mainly Catholic, we have many friends who don't belong to a church, and wanted this to be a moment for them to hear the Word of God in all its joy. We wanted the readings to not just represent the sacrament of marriage for that day, but to express ideas everyone could relate to. With that in mind, we chose Proverbs 31:10-13, 19-20, 31-31, Psalm 34, and Romans 12:1-2,9-18, and Matthew 22:35-40.

 Our wedding took place the weekend after Easter--Divine Mercy weekend, echoing when we found each other in the Metro. Gorgeous Easter flowers still filled the Church, and the joyful music of the liturgical season reflected that of our wedding feast. Looking back, two of my favorite moments during the Mass were walking down the aisle to "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" with my father, such an important song in my spiritual life, and us receiving the Eucharist together on our knees for the first time as man and wife.

 It was a gorgeous spring day, with a few cherry blossoms remaining in season, and we had such sweet moments alone after the Mass to take pictures. But being quickly whisked away into our huge reception was surreal. Greg and I had both agreed on a large wedding because it was important to us to have all those we loved there, and less important to have the most expensive dress or fanciest reception.

Our first dance song was "Like the Dawn" by the Oh Hellos, a beautiful love song written from the viewpoints of Adam and Eve, and one of the first songs we really bonded over early in our friendship. The opening line is "I was sleeping in the garden when I saw you first." With that in mind we tried to make our reception feel like a laid-back spring garden: large windows around the room, centerpieces I designed with my favorite flowers, and a pie table--our favorite dessert to bake together. The day was overwhelmingly full of joy and tenderness, and hands down the best day of our lives.

At one point during the Mass, about to say our vows, I remember looking out over the congregation and seeing loved ones from all points of our lives, and it really felt like we were in heaven. During our wedding reception, when Greg had the chance to thank my parents for making this magical day possible, he addressed the crowd and echoed my feelings perfectly: that he’d always imagined heaven as a large banquet, and here we all were today at the wedding feast, our own glimpse of heaven.

Through so much of my spiritual life I've focused on planning (and then worrying), achieving and searching. I could never have planned for Greg. I could never have orchestrated finding him on the Metro on Divine Mercy Sunday. Our wedding day was a strong reminder of the joys and mercies God desires to lavish upon us. Having a day to feast with everyone we love most, the many helping hands who made the day wonderful, and even the last minute perfect weather made it feel that creation was rejoicing over Easter and seemingly over us. It was a day, much like our marriage, abundantly full of joy and mercy.

Photography: An Endless Pursuit | Nupital Mass or Engagement Location: St Leo the Great, Fairfax, Virginia | Wedding Reception Venue : Harbour View, Woodbridge, Virginia | Caterer: R & R Catering, Dianna Gilbert | Florist: Twinbrook Florist, Tonya Evans | Transportation: Reston Limosine | DJ: Black Tie, Deon Wilson | Wedding Designer: Be Seated, Janeen Parrott | Dessert: Mom's Apple Pie, Avis

Why I'm Grateful for Traditional Wedding Vows

DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

This probably isn't a surprise to most, but when you get married in the Catholic Church, you don't get to write your own vows. For some, this might be difficult to accept as the wedding industry attempts to ingrain in brides that their wedding day is preeminently theirs and every detail and moment of the day should reflect them alone.

Moreover, movies, TV shows, and real-life weddings often show in beautiful, humorous, and tear-jerking ways that vows can be a way to express the unique love shared between the bride and groom--a love not shared by any other couple. Being told you must use vows shared with countless other couples can be a bit of a letdown.

However, the problem the Church has with couples writing their own vows is that, by doing so, they pledge themselves to their own idea of what marriage is rather than what the Church teaches marriage is. What, then, does the Church teach that marriage is?

There's a part in C.S. Lewis's Till We Have Faces that I think movingly encapsulates the Christian truth about marriage. In the passage that follows, the character of Psyche is about to be sacrificed to a monster. Despite her fate, she is surprisingly full of equanimity and tells her sister:

 "And how would it be better if I had lived? I suppose I should have been given to some king in the end...And there you can see again how little difference there is between dying and being married. To leave your home — to lose you...to lose one's maidenhead — to bear a child — they are all deaths."

 Amidst wedding day daydreams of dresses and flowers and perfect color palettes, the idea of marriage as a death might seem emphatically unromantic. But as with death, there is a veil that covers marriage preventing us from fully seeing what is beyond. No matter the amount of preparation you put into marriage, you still can't fully understand what you're getting into until you're actually in thick of it.

In fact, marriage is more than just a death, in the sense that you can't see beyond the threshold of the wedding day.

Like any vocation, marriage is a crucifixion. When you answer 'Yes' to God's call in your life, you choose to nail your will to Christ's on the Cross.

And herein lies the paradoxical truth of weddings and marriage that stands at odds with the culture's understanding: we're told your wedding day is only about you and your spouse, a celebration of you, a grand display of your wills to marry now, but then to do what you will later.

The Church tells you your wedding and your marriage are not about you. Or rather, they are about you insofar as they are about Christ. Marriage is designed for the salvation of your soul and of the the souls your marriage touches for the glory of Christ. Your wedding day is the willing renunciation of your will. 

How can we then presume to be able to put together more fitting words for entering into a mystery we cannot fully understand? Who better than the Church can give us the right words to renounce our wills and unite them to the Cross?

Like a mother teaching her small child to speak, she teaches you to speak the right words. In her wisdom, she gives you words carefully crafted and passed down through the centuries. They are words that clearly spell out the gravity of what you are doing: making a solemn vow in front of God and man--a vow that cannot be put asunder by will or undone in times of difficulty or distress.

Yes, they are words shared by a multitude of other couples, but for that reason they bind you more closely to the whole Body of Christ. They are words you will be asked to repeat in your thoughts, words, and actions every day of your marriage. And they are words imbued with sacramental grace, to help you and your spouse become a living sign to the world of the love between Christ and His Church.


Dominika Ramos.png

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a native of Houston, Texas though she dreams of spending her days frolicking in the English countryside. She and her husband met at the University of St. Thomas, where she studied English literature, and they were married at the Cathedral of Our Lady of Walsingham on the Feast of the Visitation in 2014. Her life is currently composed of running Pax Paper, a hand-lettering and illustration business, blogging about the transcendental aspects of motherhood (among other things) at A Quiet Quest, and chasing after her rambunctious and delightful toddler son.

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Editors' Picks | Vol. 7: Registry Essentials

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

Creating a registry can be a daunting task, especially if you're one of the first among your friends to tie the knot. Keep in mind that registering for gifts, as awkward as it may seem, is actually a gift to the family and friends who want to celebrate your marriage; a well-planned registry takes the guesswork out of gift-giving. We've compiled our registry essentials below, and hope they will be a helpful start to your list. 

Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Quality Serveware: Splurge on serveware! These are pieces that you’ll want to pull out for guests or special occasions. As a family, we are called to be a home for our community and a welcoming space for all of God’s people. Having nice servingware is a way to have fun with hospitality.  Whether it’s a cheese platter or a nicer serving bowl, go ahead and put them on your registry.

Experiences: Something Hunter and I have enjoyed exploring while setting up our registry, is having the option to add “experience” gifts to our list. Registries like Zola, allow you to put experiences such as a “Night Out on the Town” or a “Travel Fund” essentially act as gift cards. Multiple guests can contribute to the experience and give you and your fiance the means to have experiences that you wouldn’t otherwise.

Beautiful Artwork: Wall art isn’t usually something that you would buy for yourself, but it will definitely brighten your home and make it feel like your own special place. Make sure to include gorgeous Catholic art like The Annunciation by Henry Ossawa Tanner, Blessed Is She’s prints, or the 2015 World Meeting of Families Icon.

Christina, Associate Editor

It hasn't been long since I put together my registry, so I can honestly say each of these items is much-loved and much-used in our home. If you're looking for a convenient one-stop registry website, I highly recommend Zola

Instant Pot: I’ve always been a fan of my Crockpot, but the Instant Pot has knocked it right out of first place in terms of hassle-free cooking. Since Kristian and I got married, I’ve used the Instant Pot at least once a week to cook everything from soup to pulled pork. It’s like a Crockpot, but instead of waiting 8 hours to eat the tenderest meat of your life, it takes 45 minutes thanks to the fact that it’s a high tech pressure cooker. You can also steam vegetables (including potatoes), make yogurt, sauté onions and garlic before adding in your main ingredients...the list goes on.

Psalter for Couples: Kristian and I make it a point to pray together before we go to bed each night, and this Psalter has been a wonderful addition to our prayer life. The folks who publish the Magnificat have carefully chosen Psalms (each followed by a short prayer) for couples to pray together in different seasons and on different occasions throughout married life.

A high-quality set of knives: Growing up in a family where cooking wasn’t really a thing left me with little appreciation for a good set of knives. Now, thanks to lots of trial and error during my single years, I know that a high quality set of knives is essential if you want to cook efficiently and safely. For those nervous that the high price of a full set will scare people away from purchasing knives, consider registering for individual knives, or small companion sets of knives.

Stephanie, Editor-in-Chief and Co-Founder

Picture frames and photo printing credits: As my sixth anniversary approaches, I sometimes shake my head at the fact that I’ve never had a wedding album made--immediately following our wedding, money was tight and my husband and I couldn’t afford extensive album design and creation with our photographer. Quality wedding images are an investment, but they’re an instant treasure you won’t regret. Choose a set of classic, coordinated frames like these for easy display in your new home once you’ve received your photos, and speak with your photographer about whether he or she offers gift cards for album services that your guests can purchase, or for recommendations for high-quality print labs.

Family Bible: As you enter into the sacrament of marriage, a whole new sacramental life begins with the two of you. A beautifully crafted Bible like this one, with a special section to record those who participated in your nuptial Mass, along with, God willing, future Baptisms, First Communions, Confirmations, and your children’s vocations, becomes an heirloom record of a shared life in Christ.

Quality tool set: It’s not as romantic as champagne flutes or down pillows, but through moves, furniture (and maybe down the road, toy) assembly, and ordinary household tasks, a set of well-made tools will see you through countless instances you didn’t think you needed them for. My husband picked out this set by Stanley when we got married, and even now it gets at least weekly use and has held up great. I asked him about recommending tools, and from him to you, his advice is to choose quality over quantity: the biggest set isn’t necessarily the most useful, and the lowest price might tend toward a more temporary item than a long-term investment. 

Andi, Business Director

Lodge Cast Iron Skillet: I never thought I'd want or even use something like this, but here I am using it pretty much every day to make veggies, grilled cheese, and more.

Bath SheetsI had no idea giant, cozy bath sheets ever existed before my husband Matt asked me to register for them. They're the best! We've had towels from Pottery Barn, Bed, Bath, & Beyond, and Macy's, but these are my absolute favorite because they are so soft.

Measuring Cups and SpoonsI've used these daily for almost 10 years and they still look brand new. They definitely hold up to the wear and tear of family life.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Cast Iron SkilletYou can't go wrong with a quality cast iron skillet. It's sturdy, versatile, economical, and has great heat distribution. I love how you are able to use it on the stovetop, for baking, or even outdoors for camping. And if you take good care of it, it will last you a long time.

Quality Flatware: When my husband and I were engaged and creating our registry, I teased him about how long he took selecting a silverware set. He went down the aisle, lifting the various forks and knives to see which ones had a good weight. I thought it was silly at the time, but eight years later, our silverware is still going strong, and anytime I reach for our set of Dollar Tree flatware from his single days, I notice a huge difference. Here's to spoons that don't bend when you're scooping ice cream! 

Items for your family oratoryDid you know you can create a Catholic gift registry? Religious art and some prayer books aren't exactly inexpensive. My husband and I created a Catholic gift registry for our wedding with Aquinas and More, and we were so thankful to receive some religious icons that otherwise would have taken some time and saving to purchase ourselves. When you get married, you're building the domestic church, so why not give your loved ones an opportunity to help create your first oratory?

We love making new discoveries, particularly from Catholic vendors--share your registry gift ideas in the comments or on our social media!

How He Asked | Jocelyn + Cheyne

Cheyne was friends with Jocelyn’s older brother, and when they met her sophomore year, she quickly developed a crush. After Cheyne graduated, they didn’t see each other again until four years later, on a hike with mutual friends. Five years after that, Cheyne came into the coffee shop where Jocelyn worked, and the rest is history.

In Jocelyn’s words: When Cheyne and I reconnected in the coffee shop, we began a journey together that I now know was the beginning of my walk through this life--and eventually eternal life--with my future husband.

 The day of our proposal was Cheyne’s birthday. I’d planned a dinner with his closest friends and family, but little did I know something else was stirring up! On my way to pick up Cheyne at his apartment, he left a voicemail saying he’d gone out and would be right back. When I arrived, a piece of paper hung on the door. It told me I was going to begin a scavenger hunt, and at the end he’d meet me.

 My heart knew right away what was happening. I just began to cry tears of joy. Cheyne left a key with instructions. I entered the apartment, where wildflowers covered the living room. On the coffee table sat a picture of us, along with Clue Number One, which led me to the place of our first kiss. When I pulled up there, my best friend was waiting with Clue Number Two.

It brought me to the spot where Cheyne asked me to be his girlfriend, and was followed by a third clue leading to a cafe where we used to talk, read, and dream about our future together. My friends were there, holding a book Cheyne had made with the next clue.

 This clue brought me to the chapel at the University of Redlands, where we have often prayed together. My parents were at the front of the chapel, standing proud with tears in their eyes. I was overwhelmed with complete joy!  

My parents led me inside, where Cheyne was waiting. He walked me down the aisle, adorned with pictures of each of us as children and ending with photos from our adult years and relationship.

Cheyne had written an original choral piece with the lyrics, "I have found the one whom my soul loves," sung in Latin. I turned around, and with our friends and family sat in the pews, Cheyne got down on one knee and said, "You are my best friend and my soulmate. Will you do forever with me?"

 God has blessed me with this man and I cannot wait to begin our discernment of Holy Matrimony together. We have been drenched in his faithfulness and provision, and each time we reflect back on our story, still being written by our loving Author, we are moved to tears. I prayed for this man. God brought me more than I could have ever imagined. Our prayer is that in this next season we are reminded of his plan for our marriage, that we are rooted firmly in the Gospel as our center, and that our union would bring him glory. 

In Cheyne’s words: Jocelyn looked over at me from behind the safety of her older brother, with a sense of wonderment and innocence, the first time we locked eyes. It was that moment, now ten years ago, that without a single word spoken we made a connection. She still looks at me that way, as if each day begins with the first moment we met.

 We never seemed to go far from that road we first walked together. From the night hike where we met again after high school, to the late night chats that followed, I always felt a sense that Jocelyn was nearby, even when we we apart. Since high school we had watched each other grow. Through the good and the bad I saw strength, stability, and independence in her. Throughout my growth, she saw ambition, passion, and a longing for more. But we both saw a bit of ourselves within each other. My victories were hers. Her woes were mine. I found glory in her triumphs; she found sorrow in my pain. And this was as friends!

 Through it all, we waited on one another. We left space, left words unspoken and feelings untold, but our story was far from over. Something kept us close and reminded us that the home we sought so dearly was always there, waiting. I'm reminded of the days we almost crossed paths, and it is easy to become envious of the man I could have been had we taken steps closer to one another earlier in life. Like the time Jocelyn came to my dorm room and left a note, fully aware I could be sleeping on the other side of the wall. Or the many, many times that we spent time with the same crowd, but somehow seemed to always miss each other. Although I envy that young man who could have found his love so early on, I also take comfort in knowing that providence would have us wait to know it was each other when the time was right.

 It's strange how things work out, and how life has a way of piecing itself together. Like a puzzle, each moment in our lives fits within a beautiful picture, but without each moment the picture would never be complete--we'd be left with meaningless pieces. I can’t begin to count the pieces that drew me closer to Jocelyn.

 Every major decision I've made in life has kept me close to her, and for that I am grateful. We reconnected when Jocelyn’s passion for coffee brought her to the place we now call home. From the small town of Redlands, California came Augie’s Coffee Roasters, a company that has made a big impact the industry. When I saw that Jocelyn had started working for Augies’ new location near our hometown, I knew I needed to reach out. We started talking on the phone for hours each night, growing closer and closer. When we finally saw each other again for the first time it was like re-connecting with a long lost love and friend. I knew so early on that she was the who held my heart and soul.  

Three months after we became a couple, I’d already bought a ring. I kept my proposal plans secret for months as I waited and planned and found the right time to bring everyone in our lives together. Seeing Jocelyn walk through the chapel doors at the end of the scavenger hunt reminded me why I love her more each day. I count my blessings that I have found someone with such a deep love and appreciation for me, and who brightens my life in every moment.

Creating a Meaningful Wedding Mass Program

 

The audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast on 10/13/2020.

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Without a doubt, designing the program for our wedding Mass was my favorite part of the entire wedding-planning process.  I have a lifelong passion for communicating and explaining the truths of our faith to others: I was a high school theology teacher for nine years and have been a catechist of some kind since college. I saw my program as an opportunity to explain, particularly to our non-Catholic and non-practicing-Catholic guests, the beauty of the Mass and the Church’s teaching on marriage. I’m not naive to think that everyone present actually read the program, but I knew that some people would, and prayed that the Lord would use it to draw our wedding guests more deeply into the liturgy. 

Be clear about the mechanics of Mass.

Perhaps the most confusing thing for non-Catholics when they come to Mass, especially for the first time, is all of the standing, sitting, kneeling, and responding that we do. Normally, the priest will give directions to the congregation (most priests are well aware that a percentage of those at Catholic weddings are not familiar with the Mass), but sometimes he forgets or people need extra reminders. This is where your program comes in. Below is an example of what I mean:

First Reading

Please sit

When the lector says “The Word of the Lord,” at the conclusion of the reading, you may respond “Thanks be to God.”  

These instructions won't increase your page count by much, and go a long way to making non-Catholics feel more comfortable during Mass. Note: if you use Latin Mass parts, it’s a good idea to provide your guests with a translation.

Break Open the Word

Chances are that the priest or deacon who preaches at your wedding won’t have time to go into detail about each of your chosen readings, which may leave your biblically illiterate guests feeling a bit lost. One way to help them understand the Scripture readings is to provide brief explanations of why you chose each reading, and if necessary, some context for your readings. Believe it or not, most of your wedding guests (even the faithful Catholic ones) probably haven’t read the entire book of Tobit. Here’s what I wrote for our first reading:

First Reading Tobit 8:4b-8   

Context: Tobit’s son, Tobiah, has just married his kinswoman Sarah at the encouragement of the (disguised) archangel Raphael. Sarah is oppressed by a demon who has killed her last seven husbands on their wedding night. Raphael helps Tobiah and Sarah to vanquish the demon and encourages them to pray before consummating their marriage.

The couple chose this reading because of the important role that prayer has played (and will continue to play) in their relationship, and because the prayer of Tobiah and Sarah recounts the establishment of marriage by God in Genesis.

The Rite of Marriage

It’s no secret that Catholic weddings are different from secular, or even Protestant weddings, but many of your guests may not realize that the Catholic understanding of marriage is unique as well. Consider including an explanatory line or two about marriage as a Sacrament, the significance of the vows and rings, and an explanation of any special wedding traditions you’re incorporating into the rite (such as holding a crucifix or exchanging arras). For example:

In the Catholic Church, marriage is a Sacrament, which means that it is a visible sign of God’s grace, instituted by Christ and entrusted to the Church, by which Divine life is dispensed to us. This is what makes Catholic marriage so much more than a legal union, and why it must be--like God’s love for us--free, total, faithful, and fruitful. Ideally, a marriage between two Christians should be a clear, visible sign of God’s love for his people.

A note about the crucifix: Kristian and Christina decided to incorporate the Croatian tradition of holding a crucifix together while professing their vows. This symbolizes the fact that marriage, like all vocations, is a sharing in Christ’s cross and resurrection, and that both spouses are called to lay down their lives for one another as Christ did for us. The couple will hang the crucifix in a place of honor in their home so that they can be reminded to carry their crosses together and unite their sufferings with Christ’s.

The Source and Summit

The Liturgy of the Eucharist is the reason why Catholics celebrate the marriage rite within the context of the Mass. Unfortunately, the Blessed Sacrament is also commonly mistaken for a mere symbol or ritual by non-Catholics (and misinformed Catholics), which is understandable considering how mysterious the Real Presence is. A little bit of explanation goes a long way to clearing up these misconceptions. Here’s what we did:

The Liturgy of the Eucharist

The Eucharist is the “source and summit” of the Catholic faith, because it is Jesus himself, mysteriously present, body, blood, soul, and divinity under the signs of bread and wine. Thus, the Liturgy of the Eucharist is the high point of the Mass.

Offertory

During the offertory, we bring up the bread and wine that will be offered to the Father and transformed by the Holy Spirit into the Body and Blood of Christ. We also present our hearts, minds, souls, and all of our cares and concerns to the Father who loves us. The prayers of blessing that the priest prays over the gifts hearken back to the prayers of blessing over meals that Jesus would have prayed at the Last Supper that he shared with his disciples.

Great Amen

At the end of the priest’s prayer, the congregation chants “Amen”. In saying “Amen”, we say “yes, I believe” that the bread and wine that were on the altar are now sacramentally Jesus’ body and blood.

Who may receive the Eucharist?

Only baptized Catholics who have received their first communion, are practicing the faith, and are not aware of having committed mortal sins since their last confession may receive the Eucharist. If you are not going to receive, please remain in your seat and pray for and with the couple.

Not only were these explanations helpful to our non-Catholic family and friends, but we  had faithful Catholic guests approach us after the wedding and comment on how beneficial these explanations were for them and their own prayer during Mass.

There’s Something about Mary…

After teaching the faith for over a decade, it no longer surprises me when non-Catholics and Catholics alike think that we worship Mary. Usually, this is the result of a misunderstanding of the meaning of the word “worship.” Worship is not the same as prayer, reverence, or honor. Worship is the surrender of one’s entire self to someone or something--and that surrender is due only to God. If you’re planning on presenting a bouquet of flowers to Mary as a couple during your nuptial Mass and know you’ll have Protestant guests at your wedding who may be confused about how we understand Marian devotion, consider including something like this in your program:  

It is traditional for the newly married couple to honor Mary with a gift of flowers. Contrary to popular misconception, Catholics do not worship Mary. Worship is due to God alone. We honor Mary as Jesus’ mother, the woman whose “yes” made our salvation possible. “What the Catholic faith believes about Mary is based on what it believes about Christ, and what it teaches about Mary illumines in turn its faith in Christ” (Catechism of the Catholic Church # 487).

Again, I don’t know if anyone read this explanation or had their minds or hearts changed on the matter of honoring Mary, but I DO know that if they wanted more information, it was available to them.

Little extras

If you have room in your budget for a long-ish program, consider adding some inspirational quotations from Scripture, Saints, or theologians. I’ve compiled a short list below of some of my favorites, but there are many more to choose from!

"Love is the light--and in the end, the only light--that can always illuminate a world grown dim and give us the courage needed to keep living and working. Love is possible, and we are able to practice it because we are created in the image of God." --Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

“Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony.” Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love. In the joys of their love and family life he gives them here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb.” --Catechism of the Catholic Church #148-150

“Grace has the power to make straight the paths of human love.” --St. John Paul II

“How can I ever express the happiness of a marriage joined by the Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels, and ratified by the Father? . . . How wonderful the bond between two believers, now one in hope, one in desire, one in discipline, one in the same service! They are both children of one Father and servants of the same Master, undivided in spirit and flesh, truly two in one flesh. Where the flesh is one, one also is the spirit.”--Tertullian, an early Church Father

"Then, in the excess of my delirious joy, I cried out: O Jesus, my Love...my vocation, at last I have found it...MY VOCATION IS LOVE!" --St. Therese of Lisieux

St. Gregory of Nazianzus on the marriage of his parents: "They encourage us to virtue...he has been her good shepherd, whom she has prayed for and guided on his way; from her he has received the model for being a good shepherd. Both are of one dignity, of one mind, of one soul, no less in partnership of virtue and closeness to God than in a partnership of flesh. They compete with each other equally in length of life and silver of hair, in prudence and in brilliance...they are held back little by the flesh, far advanced in spirit...The world is both not theirs and theirs-one world they ignore, the other they far prefer. They have disposed of their riches, and have become rich through the industry of holiness, despising one sort of wealth and buying instead the riches of the world to come."

“Do not forget that true love sets no conditions; it does not calculate or complain, but simply loves.” --St. John Paul II

I hope this has been a helpful guide to creating a more meaningful program for the most important part of your wedding day. Please feel free to copy and paste any part of this post to use for your program, and share with other Catholic brides-to-be who may be interested.


Spoken Bride offers a beautiful, pre-formatted, and customizable Novus Ordo Wedding mass program that clearly, respectfully explains the Catholic faith and liturgy. Please visit our shop for more information.

 

 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The EvangelistaRead more

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When Sacrifice Feels Like Too Much.

STEPHANIE CALIS

 

“This is my body which is given for you.” “ I thirst.” “Set me as a seal on your heart, as a seal upon your arm.” We’ve heard these words, felt these aches to lay ourselves bare, to quench the thirst of the Beloved, to make of ourselves a beautiful and perfect gift. The Cross and all it encompasses--body, blood, soul; heroic sacrifice and purest love; a marriage made in heaven--is one of our truest examples of spousal love: self-death and self-gift. But obvious isn’t the same as easy. What can you do when you know you’re falling short of authentic, sacrificial love, and moreover, when you don’t even particularly care to try?

Photography: Alex Krall Photography

Sacrifice shouldn’t make sense. Inconveniencing and emptying yourself, for no benefit of your own, directly pits our better judgment against our fallen nature. My younger self used to view sacrifice, in theory, as two people each being willing to give and take on certain matters, finding a compromise somewhere in the middle. In practice, as I navigated life with roommates and, later, with a husband, I realized how little I’d understood.

Going 50/50 on some things might be good for equality, but it’s not the best for relationships. Sometimes in compromise, and all times in authentic love, one person gives (or gives up) everything, not half.

It’s the ideal we vow to chase after and to live out in good times and in bad, standing before the One who gave of himself completely for love’s sake.

Yet even with eyes of faith, of knowing joy flows from putting another before yourself and wanting the good of someone else, sacrificial love is painful. Whether you’re undergoing the struggle of budgets, registries and their ensuing compromises as a bride-to-be or experiencing the growing pains of living with your husband as a newlywed, there might’ve been a time when you’ve asked yourself, how much is too much?

Watching TV’s This Is Us a few months ago, I was struck by the reality of sacrifice upon sacrifice gone unnoticed or unfulfilled. Years into marriage and raising their children to adolescence, Jack and Rebecca Pearson express the seeming disillusionment they’ve experienced as they’ve habitually put themselves aside for each other and for their family, the weight of their burdens boiling over into an all-out battle.

He feels burned out and unappreciated by years of working a mediocre job while trying to keep family first. She mourns what feels like the loss of identity after ages of existing solely as a mother while putting her own pursuits on the back burner. They wonder and they argue: who has given up more?

Their pain is palpable because it’s real. Dismissing this couple as unwilling to take up their crosses would diminish the truth that even with the graces of marriage, even when sacrifice is a habit, even when spouses put each other (and their children) first and themselves second, the sheer effort can leave you parched and drained. That’s okay. It’s only living water that will restore. Practically speaking, here are some ways to invite the Lord into your brokenness, your tiredness, and to rest in him:

Pray for your spouse, simply as who he or she is.

My prayer often turns to asking the Father for certain virtues that will strengthen me as a wife and mother, and for the same for my husband. During more stressful or trying seasons, though, this approach tends to increase my anxiety rather than my sense of peace. Instead, try simply contemplating the reality of your beloved, in all his flaws and gifts, and thank God for who he is. Chances are, even when you aren’t feeling particularly loving, your focus will shift to a deeper, objective appreciation for the qualities you fell in love with and a diminished sense of frustration with those that are a source of trial. Cultivate a will to thanksgiving.

Say what you need.

It’s surprising how often I find myself burdened by certain obligations of marriage and parenthood and don’t even think to speak up to my husband about them. I don’t intentionally mean to keep my struggles a secret; I tend to (unhealthily) view embracing sacrifice as the more praiseworthy choice than acknowledging my limits, to the point that I end up completely overwhelmed and tired, unable to see them as something potentially fruitful. As we’ve navigated grad school and parenthood over the past few years, I’ve tried to become better about identifying and vocalizing to my husband what can ease the strain. It sounds obvious, but asking for a few hours to go to Adoration, go for a walk, or take myself out to coffee, I’ve finally realized, isn’t selfish. It's a renewal that brings me back to my vocation reenergized.

Thank each other.

In big-picture matters like working a non-dream job or joining in on each other’s extended family vacations, and in small ones like foregoing unnecessary spending when you’re on a budget and putting the dishes away, make a habit of noticing ways your spouse gives of himself or herself for the good of your marriage, and say thank you. For those whose love language is Words of Affirmation, this is particularly meaningful, but for anyone at all, recognizing and valuing what is given can only bear a deeper sense of gratitude, attention, and reverence for the person you love.

No matter how much our particular life demands, on the hardest days I remind myself how much  more miserable I’d be if I were single, with fewer responsibilities, than married to my husband and caring for our children with the difficulties piling on. He is pure gift, meant to sanctify me and, God willing, accompany me to Heaven. Sometimes lightening the load is all about perspective.

“...’alone,’ the man does not completely realize [his] essence. He realizes it only by existing ‘with someone’--and, put even more deeply and completely, by existing ‘for someone.’” - Pope St. John Paul II, TOB 14:2


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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Edith + Bomani | Kenyan Catholic Wedding

Edith and Bomani met in 2008 at Edith's workplace in Kenya and it was love at first sight. They had a long distance relationship for many years, and spent hours talking on Skype and the phone. Throughout their relationship, it was evident that Edith and Bomani were meant to be together. From thousands of miles away, Bomani wooed Edith; Bomani sent Edith flowers and gifts, and would surprise her with occasional visits.

A few years later, they reached a turning point in their lives and had to prayerfully consider the direction in which their courtship was going. They turned to Jesus through the intercession of St. Faustina, the patron Saint of their relationship, and her famous prayer: "Jesus, I trust in You." It was a prayer of intense and complete surrender, difficult to say and even harder to live by, but Edith and Bomani knew deep down that God had a plan for their lives together. And despite some scary moments in their families, it came to pass. Bomani came to Kenya and asked for Edith's hand in marriage. She moved to the United States and they got married in a joyous nupital Mass celebration at St. Ann's Roman Catholic Church in Arlington, VA. 
 

 "When you make God your first person to talk to each and every morning, He protects you from all odds since He owns your life." --Edith

From the photographer: The Wedding Mass of Edith and Bomani was unlike any Mass I have ever witnessed. It was vibrant, celebratory, and full of joy! After making a reverent sign of the Cross and blessing themselves with Holy Water, the groom and wedding party danced their way up the aisle to the front of the sanctuary. The music was a combination of Kenyan Gospel music and Afro-Carribean beats. Since her parents could not be with her on her wedding day (as they live in Kenya), Edith took one emotional walk down the aisle and her Aunt gave her away to Bomani.

After the readings, saying their vows, the sign of peace, Holy Communion (which was not photographed per the Bride and Groom's request), the young Priest presiding over the Mass declared that today was not only a celebration for Edith and Bomani, but also a celebration of the guests' milestones. He asked if anyone was celebrating an anniversary, engagement, birthday, baptism during the month of August, and when we raised our hands (I raised my hand because my birthday was just one week prior to that celebration), the music played and everyone cheered. You could not help but be overwhelmed with tears of joy and laughter! 

The attire the wedding guests was also unique in that it was "white-on-white", both a timeless and seasonably appropriate color for a late summer Afro-Caribbean wedding. Edith had a traditional wedding dress on during the ceremony while Bomani had a traditional Kenyan wedding suit on. At the reception, both Edith and Bomani changed into a more casual traditional Kenyan outfit (black with bold reds, greens and gold patterns) and that contrasted nicely with the white dresses and suits of the wedding guests. 

The wedding reception took place at an historic boutique hotel in Old Town Alexandria, VA, which is a mix of contemporary and colonial decor.The ballroom was the perfect location for a small intimate wedding of 50 people. 

After the bride and groom made their grand entrance (dancing, of course!), they participated in a variety of wedding reception activities, such as cutting and serving each other the delicious 3-tier wedding cake, listening to speeches and well wishes from family and friends, and giving their own speech of thanksgiving and gratitude to their guests and the traditional gift giving ceremony. In Kenya, it is a tradition to not only receive gifts for their wedding, but also to give gifts to each guest that attends the wedding. As the music played, the couple and their guests danced together before posing for a picture and giving each guest their gift. 

This wedding also featured one of the best grand finale photo moments of any wedding I have photographed thus far. We used the curved staircase of the Morrison House Hotel and had everyone go outside for a photo opt: first a traditional/editorial pose and lastly, the "scream and shout" pose where Edith and Bomani shared one of their first kisses (dressed in traditional Kenyan colors) and as Mr. and Mrs. while the wedding guests (wearing white) cheered on!

What is your spiritual takeaway from this wedding? From a vendor's perspective, this wedding brought tears to my eyes. It was encouraging for me to see the diversity within the Catholicism that comes from cultures in the developing world and that it is a gift to share in these traditions. Though we are so different in many ways, we are one Body in Christ and that is something to celebrate and treasure. Edith and Bomani's journey of faith and love also showed me that when you truly surrender your life to Jesus, in whatever vocation you might find yourself in, all things are possible in His perfect time. And when all else fails? Just dance, and make a joyful noise unto the Lord! 

Photography: Laurentina Photography | Church: St. Ann Roman Catholic Church - Arlington, VA | Flowers: Flowers with Love, Arlington, VA  | Cake: Heidelberg Pastry Shoppe, Arlington, VA | Reception & Catering: The Morrison House Hotel, Alexandria, VA

Six Tips for Catholic Military Spouses

SOPHIE WHEELER

 

If you know anything about military life, you know it can lend itself to a lot of time away. We’ve been lucky that thus far in our relationship, my husband Daniel has never been deployed. But I can tell you that within the four and a half years we’ve been together, there have certainly been large chunks of time spent apart. This was the first Easter in three years, for example, that we will be able to spend together. And we are grateful for this, because it also happens to be the first Easter with our baby.

Daniel and I met as the result of a mail mix-up. My family and I had just moved to the area, and Daniel’s family lived two streets down. The new high school I was attending sent a welcome package that ended up in the hands of Daniel’s mom. At the time, his youngest brother attended the same school, and we can only assume the mailman made an honest mistake. So our moms swapped mail, met for coffee and a year later I was offered a summer job from his dad. Daniel and I finally met, and the rest is history!

Everyone’s experience with marriage is different, and it’s no different for couples in the military, with maybe some added roadblocks. And a few moves. Daniel and I have been apart at critical times in our relationship: the summer we started dating, he was away for six weeks, with limited communication aside from a few short letters here and there. A few months before our wedding he was sent across the country. He was thankfully able to come back for our wedding and a five-day honeymoon, but we were separated soon after since I had to finish up my degree.

If your other half is in the military, distance and time apart is commonplace. Planning a wedding while apart, with sometimes little to no communication, is not the best scenario, but these are the types of struggles military families--and families-to-be--work through. We had to prepare for marriage while apart, and to navigate our newfound status as husband and wife in the same way. All difficult, but not impossible.

Here are a few things that helped us:

Communicate.

I know this comes up on every relationship advice listicle ever. But no matter how much we read about it, it’s still not always put into practice. Communication is key in every relationship, but its importance cannot be emphasized enough—especially in relationships involving stressors beyond your control, such as inconsistent schedules and extended time apart. Military life lends itself to all these things.

If you don’t put effort into talking to your spouse on a daily basis, or however often you’re able while he or she’s away, about even everyday occurrences, things can quickly deteriorate and you’ll end up with a pile of misunderstandings and frustrations. Try sharing even mundane moments with your spouse. For example, I usually text Daniel whenever I leave the house to go to the grocery store, and text him again once I am back home. Not that it’s necessary for him to know exactly when I go to the store, but it often results in further conversation about our days that wouldn’t come about otherwise. Daniel does the same for me whenever he goes out, which helps keep my day running smoothly and shows me that he's thinking of me and being considerate of my time.

You don’t have to fight.

This is something that has helped our marriage immensely. We have never fought. Please don’t misunderstand and think that we don’t ever disagree! We do. But we have never allowed our differences to escalate into a fight, despite numerous people telling us throughout our marriage prep that “You need to fight! It’s unhealthy if you don’t.”

Every couple has different personalities, but it’s not that we don't fight because we aren't confrontational. My husband and I both have tempers (our families can tell you that). The reason we don’t fight is because our goal is always to control immediate emotional responses, not to suppress our thoughts or feelings--that would be useless, and would achieve the opposite effect. Many times we do this by acknowledging the situation and allowing each other time and space before continuing the conversation.

I want to be extremely clear about this: we would never have made it through two and a half years of dating and more than two years of marriage if we were were in the habit of ignoring our thoughts and feelings simply in favor of not fighting. There would have soon been an explosion.

Don’t talk badly about your spouse.

This is a favorite piece of advice from my mom. It helps in so many ways. Because of Daniel being in the military, most of our time spent apart has been both involuntary and with limited communication.  If you have to spend time away from your husband or wife, the tension only increases when you vent your frustrations to your friend or family member about every little annoying thing that your spouse does.

Instead, spend your time away from each other reflecting on your marriage and thinking of ways to make the most of your time together, while serving one another. This advice most definitely applies even when your spouse is not away. It gives your thoughts room to breathe before you choose whether or not to voice them.

Make sure your spouse has a good connection with your children.

 My grandmother should be given an award for the amount of patience and kindness she has managed to keep after years and years of being married to a military man (if you haven’t deduced this already, our family is going 3 generations strong in making military families). In any case, what this point means is don’t pass off the punishments to the parent the kids rarely see. Don’t make them the bad guy. Make time for children to bond with their parent. After my grandfather came back from a long time away in Okinawa, he and my grandmother spent two days together to reconnect while their children were looked after by family friends. After they got back home, they set up a candlelit dinner for the two older children to enjoy time with their dad, without the littler ones. The day after, the littles got the same chance.

Always do date night.

 Well…whenever you can anyway. Why wouldn’t you want to? Date night refreshes your relationship, especially when you have children. It gives you the chance to communicate in a different setting than your usual day-to-day, gives you something to look forward to together, and will likely lead to joyful conversations about past dates.

Trust.

Through all of our experiences Daniel and I have repeatedly learned the lesson that we should always trust in God’s plan and timing. This is especially important when it comes to all of the seemingly ill-timed training away from home or possibility of upcoming deployments. These situations are the best reminder of this fact: you have little to do with what happens in your life, but you have everything to do with how you deal with it.

Feeling like you have no control over your life or plans comes often in the military, and the only solution is to trust.

Trust God and trust your spouse. Lean on each other, even while you are apart. Maintain loving and encouraging communication when it's possible. When it isn’t, pray for each other and your marriage.

Photos by Spiering Photography.


About the Author: Sophie Wheeler is a wife, mother and artist. She grew up in a military family and as a result has lived in five different countries: the United States, Panama, Spain, Argentina and Venezuela. After settling back in the U.S. and finishing high school, she graduated from George Mason University with a BFA in Arts and Visual Technology. She now runs The Anchor Theory, a freelance graphic design and illustration business. She lives with her husband, Daniel, and their 8-month-old son in North Carolina. 

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Elise's Wedding | 5 Ways to Thrive During the Last Few Weeks of Your Engagement

ELISE CRAWFORD

 

Save the date ...our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

Photography by Meaghan Clare Photography

I'm writing this at 11:30pm after a full day of work in D.C. with clients, calls with my team and giving a talk this evening to a group of women business owners. I'm tired. Physically, yes but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Wedding planning can be fun and full of exciting adventures, but what happens when it's....not? I think every woman who has gotten married can identify a moment in their planning process when she's thought to herself, "I'm so ready for this to be all over with and just be married already!"

There's no doubt when preparing to enter into the sacrament of marriage that you will experience some sort of spiritual battle; the Enemy trying to keep you from becoming the woman God has made you to be. I've been engaged for almost four years: that's a long time to be engaged in a singular battle! There are so many ups and downs when it comes to wedding planning and as your wedding day draws even closer, those waves of overwhelm can seem to come in faster and even more ferociously. 

No matter how long you've been engaged, I'm sure you can relate to the feeling of fatigue and burnout during the last few weeks leading up to your wedding. Below I'm sharing my five tips for thriving during your final days of engagement. Enjoy and feel free to leave your own tips in the comments!

Stay close to the Eucharist.

 As I mentioned before, I've definitely noticed an increase in spiritual battle or struggle as my wedding day draws near. They can be identified as small or feelings of discouragement and overwhelm or an increased tendency to lose your temper. The Enemy plays on your weaknesses, particularly as you are about to enter into the sacred bonds of marriage. Spend some extra time alone with Christ during the last few weeks of your engagement in order to remain focused. Although you are about to give yourself completely and freely over to another in marriage, Jesus will always be your first Love. Let him nourish you, love you and sanctify you as draw closer to Him. Amp up your prayer life. Although it might seem impossible to fit in anything else in your schedule, it's important to prioritize daily Mass, confession and quiet prayer even more intensely as your big day draws near. 

Write everything down.

 This might seem like an obvious task, but I didn't even think about mapping out the next couple of months leading up to my wedding until I was complaining to a friend about how I didn't even know where to start when it came to everything that still needs to get done. Of course I had thought about having a day-of timeline for my wedding, but now that August 12th is just weeks away, it's been incredibly helpful to take time to write out every little thing that needs to get done before our wedding day, then share it with my bridesmaids, mom and whomever else is helping us prepare. That way, I don't feel like all of the weight of wedding planning is on just my shoulders, and I can breathe knowing there are others who know what needs to be accomplished.

Spend more intentional time together as a couple.

Protect your relationship as a couple. This might sound defensive, but unless you intentionally schedule time with your beloved during these busy weeks, it's not going to happen. It's important to cling to one another during this time. You are both about to experience a life-changing moment together. Engagement is a time of new challenges and maybe unexpected difficulties. Whatever stresses, worries and fears that you are experiencing, these are opportunities for you to grow stronger as a couple. But you can't do that unless you spend time together! Set apart time each week where you do not plan or talk about your upcoming nuptials (or at least keep the wedding chatter to a minimum) and just enjoy each other's company. Take time to still get to know your fiancé and fall even more in love together. Cherish this special time.

Take time for self-care.

 As Nicole Caruso mentioned in our Bridal Makeup Tutorial, it's incredibly important as a bride to take time for self-care. It might be the last thing on your mind, but when you don't take time to prepare yourself, mentally, emotionally and physically, for your new life as a wife, you can fall into the trap of losing perspective. Make sure to schedule time for not only prayer, but doing things that you love. That can be working out, taking a yoga class, reading a book from your favorite genre, attending counseling, taking a bath with your favorite bath salts or getting a massage. I'd highly recommend journaling during this time as well. Journaling helps me assess where I am emotionally and spiritually. Whatever self-care means to you, take time to do something just for yourself and relax. 

Let it go.

 In the words of Elsa, let it go. During your final weeks of engagement, remain focused on why you're getting married in the first place. You are being called into a sacred union with your beloved and Jesus Christ. Along with your to-do list, create a list of things that you are okay with not getting done before your wedding day. These might be last-minute DIY projects or fun ideas that just aren't getting executed. It's okay if not everything comes together as you had imagined. Your wedding day is just one day and at the end of it, you'll be married, which is all that matters!

Let go of any pressure that others, or you, are putting on yourself and go with the flow. If the florist doesn't get your order quite right or the ring bearers' suits aren't the perfect color, it's still going to be a beautiful day. Enjoy these last days of being a bride and soak up every moment. It only happens once! 


About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

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How He Asked | Susanna + Brad

Susanna and Brad met in college, and despite a deepening friendship and eventual dates, Susanna remained uncertain about her feelings for Brad. Thankfully, the Lord gave the couple a second chance, and after two more years of friendship, the couple fell in love during a trip to Rome for a mutual friend's ordination, hence the reason they had their gorgeous engagement photos taken in the Eternal City. 

In Susanna's words: I was not certain that Brad's and my relationship would end in marriage; after all, I had broken up with him once before! But after our time together in Rome, I knew that what was growing between us was something different, something new.

On November 23, 2015, I drove to 7:30a.m. mass at the Cathedral of Saint Paul in Minnesota to conclude my novena to Saint Joseph in his chapel. After praying the novena I simply sat with Joseph, hoping he would offer a few encouraging words--the definitive "turn around, your husband is standing right behind you" kind that most Catholic single women want to hear after praying a novena for their future spouse. Instead, St. Joseph remained very much in character and did not say much, though I did feel that he wanted me to be at peace in my day, knowing that he was with me.

As I stepped out of the chapel, I saw Brad in one of the front row pews. It was then that I had a feeling he would ask me out again. Sure enough, after Mass he nonchalantly began talking about how he was reading the book I recommended to him, Brideshead Revisited, and smoothly transitioned from talking about literature to saying, “when I finish the book, we will definitely have to get together to have drinks and discuss...but this time, I’d like to actually take you out to dinner. I know we’ve tried this one before, but I’d like to try it again.” I was trying to be suave and smooth too, but my heart filled with joy as I said “yes” to a second-first-date and I walked away from our conversation with my heart beating fast, a beaming smile on my face and a nervous giggle in my throat. 


In Brad's words: 

I proposed exactly a year after our "second first date" at High Cliff State Park. Susanna used to go there all the time growing up, we had gone there a handful of times together, and I knew that she loved going to pray by the water.

The night before proposing I was up late. I didn’t trust myself to remember everything I wanted to tell her before I asked her to marry me, so I wrote a letter. I figured that way I’d be able to say everything I wanted to, and she’d be able to keep it to read again later. The next morning I went to mass with my Mom at the Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help. Mary had played a big role in our relationship, and I wanted to go pray for her intercession as I asked Susanna to marry me.

When we got to the park, we started walking toward the marina. Now, for a little context, it was November in Minnesota, so it was about 40 degrees and drizzling. As we get to the shore, Susanna saw the stone breakwater and said, “Let’s go out there!” Before I could say, “That sounds like a horribly dangerous idea,” she was already on the rocks. About halfway out, she knew I didn’t love the idea, so she said we could stop there. In my head, I was thinking, “Absolutely not! If we’re halfway out here, I’m proposing out here! And I’m proposing at the END!” So we got to the end, I got down on one knee, and asked her to marry me!

And she said “Yes!” 

Our engagement has been so filled with grace. While we were dating, we grew close and shared a ton, but I think in the month after getting engaged we shared more than we had in the entire year of dating. 

Susanna and I decided to wait to get married until until October 14, 2017. We would’ve liked to get married sooner, but with my brother Greg’s diaconate ordination on September 28th, we couldn’t pass up the opportunity to have him witness our vows! 

Susanna's reflection on engagement: Brad is more than an example of God’s love for me:  God has chosen Brad to be the vessel by which I experience His love. Even when my spiritual life is dry and I feel Jesus’ silence, I am still able to tangibly feel the warmth of my Father’s love through Brad’s words, deeds, and hidden sacrifices. Because I am weak, I cling to these little reminders of God’s love that Brad shows me, and they help me to behold God with awe and wonder. They help me recall my responsibility to become a saint; of our responsibility to become saints, here and now, on this side of heaven.

Photography: Roberta of Flytographer Enterprises | Location: Rome | Engagement Ring: Gold n' Treasures

I Dos and Don'ts: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Organizing Your Vendors + Downloadable Contact List

ANDI COMPTON

 

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

We've talked vendor interviews and booking before in this series. Now let's get you a system for organizing them. 

As you're working hard researching and interviewing vendors, signing contracts and paying deposits, it's so important to keep track of everyone you've hired. By filing in all the vital contact details, you'll be able to find your photographer's phone number when you need it, or have your floral designer's address at your fingertips when it's time to write the final balance check.

Don't forget to keep all of your contracts in one place, preferably a binder or folder. Whether a coordinator or a family friend is running your wedding day, the info you provide will let them know exactly what is expected of each vendor. 

Download your free copy of our Vendor Contact List, covering everything from initial bookings through post-reception arrangements for you and your new husband, right here.

Happy Planning!


About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Joined by Grace: 2 Marriage Ministers on Prayer Together + Getting the Most Out of Your Marriage Prep

Despite being “ever ancient, ever new,” eternal and divine, some more human elements of the Church, particularly ministry, vary widely across dioceses and parishes. And so vary the lives of their attendees. If you’re preparing for a sacrament, particularly marriage, you’ve been somewhere different than anyone else and any other couple in the room: we are loved and willed into existence; we are planned; we walk the road of providence, whether we realize it or not.

Maybe you’re reading this as you’re revisiting the Church for your wedding and are looking for answers on the reasons behind seemingly arbitrary teachings and traditions. Maybe you’re already familiar and on board with the theology of marriage, and are looking for something more beyond the basics. Here’s a gesture, on our part, to help you experience and appreciate your marriage prep program with fresh eyes.

Teri and John Bosio are the creators of Ave Maria Press’s Joined by Grace marriage prep program, a sacramental approach to making good on your vows for a lifetime. The Bosios recently released a prayer book to accompany the program, and you, by inviting the Father into your dialogue as a couple. The book is a simple, beautifully designed resource with both the basics of Catholic spirituality and prayers alongside lesser-known devotions.

No matter what preparation program you’re enrolled in and no matter where you are in your spiritual life, it’s our hope that this recent conversation with Teri and John illuminates ways to make your preparations more personal, less one size fits all, and ways to take part in the life of the Church.

For couples who haven't shared a prayer life before, what steps do you recommend for finding a starting point and creating a routine?  

Engagement is such an important moment in your life as a couple. This is the time when new directions are charted, new habits formed, and decisions made that will influence your life for years to come. For couples wondering where to begin with prayer, our recommendation is to start with what you have in common--your love for each other, and the gratitude for how you feel.

One of you might say to the other, “Do you mind if we say a prayer of thanks to God for bringing us together?” Then, say the simplest prayer that comes to mind, such as the Our Father, or any others. This might be the start, or the continuation, of a conversation about how to make prayer part of your faith life, even if you are from different religious tradition. Engagement is a time to start your prayer traditions, including prayers before meals, evening prayers, and others. 

For those who already pray together and are looking to delve deeper during this time of preparation for marriage, what prayers or habits can they turn to?

We’d recommend praying in community. None of us can live in isolation. Researchers are finding that marriages connected to the life of their church community receive from it great spiritual and social support. The parish is where we are born spiritually in Baptism, and we return to the parish regularly for our nourishment through the sacraments. Although your parish after the wedding may be different and far away, it’s still valuable and important to participate in the life of the parish where you live at the time.

Make it a habit to attend Mass regularly, make use of the sacrament of Penance, adopt spiritual practices like the rosary or Eucharistic Adoration, and participate in acts of service with your parish community. You’ll find your parish becomes your extended family wherever you live, for the rest of your life. It can be a great source of strength and support, especially when you encounter challenges.

The marriage prep program the two of you designed, Joined by Grace, prioritizes the sacraments as a framework for married life. What are some ways couples can practically live out a sacramental mentality during engagement and, later, in marriage?

Joined by Grace invites couples to love each other as Christ loves the Church. One notable place Catholics personally experience this love is in the seven sacraments. You’re encouraged to answer the question, “What does the Bridegroom--Christ--do for his Bride--the Church--in each sacrament that I need to do for my spouse?”

For example, in Baptism we experience Christ’s forgiveness and acceptance. He shares his life with us and welcomes us into his Father’s family. Engaged couples learn from Christ the importance of mutual acceptance, without which no marriage can survive. Such acceptance is expressed in listening to each other attentively and respectfully, adjusting to one another’s habits, bearing with the other’s annoying quirks, being patient, and appreciating each other’s uniqueness and differences.

In Confirmation we experience God’s love through his commitment to be present to us with the Holy Spirit.  The bishop seals us to Christ with sacred oil, and we receive the gifts of the Spirit. One of the most important qualities of spousal love is the commitment to always be present to each other: to trust, to pay attention, to stand by each other, to give support, and to stay focused on the needs of the other.

Similarly, from the sacrament of the Eucharist couples can see the importance of self-giving and sacrifice; from the Sacrament of Penance they learn forgiveness; from the Anointing of the Sick, compassion, and helping each other heal. And from Holy Orders and Matrimony, you learn to serve one another and together, serve God.

The practical skills and loving attitudes we learn from the sacraments are critical, and are renewed and strengthened through the graces you receive at every Mass.

Joined by Grace also encourages mentorship from other married couples. Any advice for newlyweds and spouses-to-be for connecting with other couples and finding community, particularly if one or both of them will be joining a new parish or relocating after the wedding?

If you currently aren’t an active member of your parish, working with a mentor couple is a great way to get started.

Your mentors can introduce you to your parish’s prayer and social life and help you meet other young couples. In our 44 years of marriage, we’ve received many blessings from actively participating in the life of our parishes. For us, that looked like going to Mass regularly, attending social functions, teach religious education to children and adults, serving on the parish council, singing in the choir, and serving as ministers at Mass.  

During times of relocation, we always prioritized finding a parish where we wanted to belong. These churches became for us our extended family, where in each one we met many friends who were there through joy, illnesses, celebrations, job losses, and family deaths. We do not feel alone. In moments of needs our friends pray for us and help us. The parish stands by us and holds us up when we fall down. Don’t remain isolated! When you are new in a city and on your own, go to Mass to the nearest parish, read the bulletin, find things you want to do and become involved--it will be a blessing for your marriage.

The two of you have now experienced many seasons of your marriage, from newlywed life on into grandparenthood, and have worked with many couples through your marriage prep ministry. What aspects or realities of married life would surprise engaged couples the most?

So many aspects of married life caught us by surprise! First, little things can appear to be big things, but they’re not. We've learned to accommodate things like toothpaste left in the sink and to adjust to one another’s ways of doing things.

Second, we looked forward to children and were blessed with two wonderful daughters. It required an adjustment to our lifestyle, from being a couple to being a family. It took time to navigate our roles as parents and to balance meeting each other’s needs with the needs of our children.   

Third, we found it can be all too easy to find ourselves going in different directions. When one of us went back to school at a time the other was frequently traveling for work, we found we had little free time to spend alone. We had to deliberately make time. We started scheduling and budgeting for a babysitter so we could regularly date, like we had before marriage.

Finally, we found strength in knowing we are not alone.

We can draw strength from each other in difficult moments: job changes, sickness, moves, and beyond. Each of us have learned there is nothing more reassuring in those dark moments than remembering our spouse, and God, stands by us, watching out for our common good and helping us work out of predicaments together.

Any wedding planning and marriage advice you’d like to share with our readers?

Your wedding only marks the beginning of your married life. One is a day; the other is a lifetime. During your marriage you’ll each continue growing as individuals and will constantly change--there might be days you don’t recognize each other! Agree now on how you’ll handle those surprises and what life throws at you.

When you encounter challenges, think back to these days of planning for your life together. Think about how your love story started. When times get tough and the problems seem bigger than both of you, agree now that you will to seek help through prayer and openness to professional counseling.

Our best advice for your wedding planning comes from Pope Francis’ The Joy of Love. He writes:

“Here let me say a word to fiancés. Have the courage to be different. Don’t let yourselves get swallowed up by a society of consumption and empty appearances. What is important is the love you share, strengthened and sanctified by grace. You are capable of opting for a more modest and simple celebration in which love takes precedence over everything else (212)."

John and Teri Bosio are active in parish and family ministry, serving parishes and dioceses around the country and leading couples retreats and family ministry workshops for deacons and priests. They are the writers of Joined by Grace, a marriage preparation program, and the accompanying Joined by Grace: A Catholic Prayer Book for Engaged and Newly Married Couples, from Ave Maria Press. They have produced three parish-based marriage enrichment programs, Six Dates for Catholic Couples, The Beatitudes: A Couple’s Path to Greater Joy, and Four Dates for Catholic Couples: The Virtues. The Bosios live in Nashville, Tennessee, and have two daughters and one grandchild.

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Gabrielle + Vince | Ordinariate Cathedral Wedding

Gabrielle and Vince first became friends at their small Catholic high school while planning a retreat together. At the time, Vince was preparing for Marian consecration and for Our Lady’s intercession in his life.

All along, Gabrielle just knew Vince was the George Bailey to her Mary, the man who would make her a wife. Patiently she waited, in friendship and in kindness, praying for Vince to realize the same. She asked him for guitar lessons, which led to a period of discernment and starlit walks, which led to Vince’s asking Gabrielle to make their relationship official.

By their senior year of college, Vince asked Gabrielle the same question--this time, for eternity. As they concluded St. Louis de Montfort’s Marian consecration a second time, he proposed on the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary.

From the Bride: Our wedding day was large and lovely. We decided to get married at noon, to have our Mass with the sun shining and an early night for guests who traveled. Our wedding did not intentionally revolve around a theme other than our express desire to have a beautiful liturgy. 

Everything was planned during our senior year of college. During exams I was trying on dresses; before class I was addressing invitations; in our college cafeteria we were choosing our wedding readings. It was chaotic and fun, and we enjoyed every minute of a very busy eight months.

Once I did find “the dress,” my Maid of Honor noticed it was made of alençon lace, which is a lace made mostly in Normandy, France. It’s a traditional material preserved in a large part by the craftsmanship work of Zelie Martin. Days after we were engaged, Zelie and her husband Louis were canonized in Rome. My Maid of honor attended the audience and prayed for us there. Throughout our engagement, and now our marriage, Vince and I often turn to Sts. Zelie and Louis as guides and patrons on this journey.

No amount of planning can prevent little hiccups. We had planned to have an hour of Adoration prior to our rehearsal, and only then did the stress and anticipation of what was happening the next day hit me. That evening, lightning and storms raged outside, flights were being cancelled, Vince was running late, and so were my parents and family. My bridesmaid and I stepped into the church at that point, where she comforted me and helped me practice walking down the aisle. This made the wedding appear a lot smaller: like something I could do, something I could accomplish with ease.

Inspired by our friends and college professors, we were married at the Cathedral of Our Lady of Walsingham in Houston, where we’d become parishioners long before our engagement. It was Vince planned most of our Nuptial Mass. We saw the Mass as an opportunity to beautifully and intentionally show our families the beauty of the Catholic faith.  

The liturgy was, for us, an intimate moment where as husband and wife we were welcomed into the sanctuary to consume the body of our Lord. We added a few personal touches to the Mass where we could: a small addition to the Commemoration of the Dead within the Liturgy of the Eucharist, for instance, helped us include all who were not present with us as part of the Liturgy. I carried my paternal great-grandmother’s rosary around my bouquet, and wore my maternal great-grandmother’s sapphire ring on my right hand. On the wedding day I didn’t get to spend much time with either of them, and these two pieces helped remind me they are by my side, maternally supporting me with the Blessed Mother. As a gift to us, Vince’s fellow altar servers from college served for our Mass. Our godparents were lectors.

The nuptial liturgy doesn't have a first kiss written in, and we hadn’t planned on what to do. Without thinking, during the Sign of Peace we kissed, as we do every Sunday. This was our first kiss as husband and wife.

My paternal family is Cajun Catholic, and slightly taken aback by the language, special prayers, and gestures within the Ordinariate Liturgy of Matrimony. Many of the prayers are said in Early Modern English (Elizabethan), and prayers from the Anglican Church are added to the liturgy to maintain tradition for those who have converted.

At the reception we featured a table with family wedding mementos, both from those still living and those no longer with us, celebrating the idea that Vince and I have now joined their ranks as members of a married tradition.

We chose to have a live band, which I can affirm was the greatest decision. The band, Danny Ray and the Acoustic Production, was versatile, talented, and fun. They easily filled up the dance floor moments after the meal.

Prior to our wedding, Vince was a best man at our close friends wedding. He concluded his toast with a Celtic Blessing toward the married couple. My father, unknowingly, spoke the same words on our wedding day in his the last and final toast as he asked friends and family to extend a blessing over us:

May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Thank you for everything, Dad.

The story of every wedding is the same story of salvation history: we have made one another family. This encourages daily sacrifice and patience, but also produces the greatest moments of joy and love I have ever felt. Do not be afraid of young marriage! God does provide.

Photographer's Business Name : Meagan McLendon Photography  | Nupital Mass or Engagement Location: The Cathedral of Our Lady of Walsingham, Houston, Texas | Wedding Reception Venue : Sugar Creek Country Club - Sugar Land, Texas | Band: Danny Ray and the Acoustic Production | Wedding Party Flowers: Nora Anne's Flower Shoppe | Wedding Gown: Ivory Bridal Atelier