How My Running Shoes Prepared Me for Marriage

JOHNNA WILFORD

I got married on October 6, 2018. A year before that, my husband and I I had been dating a little over a year. And a year before that, I was living by myself in Los Angeles, recently dumped by someone I thought was (finally) a good guy for me. And I wasn’t Catholic. 

How quickly things can change.

It took a lot of personal growth and therapy for me to make the transition from a clingy, single Episcopal girl to a confident, engaged Catholic woman. However, I truly believe the thing that prepared me the most for coming home to the Church--and to my marriage--was running.

Running eased my anxiety. It led me to the Catholic Church. Ever since I became engaged I’ve desired to express the ways my running habit taught me how to be in a healthy, adult relationship.

Below, quotes from the Catechism of the Catholic Church’s explanation of the sacrament of marriage, and how they relate to my running life.

God himself is the author of marriage (1603).

 Like anything else, my marriage starts with God. At the time I was dumped by the guy I was dating in Los Angeles, I was training for my first full marathon. The date of that race was February 14th--Valentine’s Day. I don’t think this was a coincidence.

 In my training, I learned exactly how strong I was physically and mentally. At the same time, I was learning to remember I deserved love. Not despite the fact that I was single. But because I was created by God, who knew me intimately and wanted the best for me.

This combination of a spiritual revelation with my physical accomplishment made the race day even more special. It was like I was spending Valentine’s Day with God; the support and encouragement from all of my friends that came to cheer me on during the race was directly from Him.

Marriage helps to overcome self-absorption, egoism, pursuit of one's own pleasure (1609).

I think running creates saints in the same way marriage does. While training for my marathon, there were many times I had to say no to going out late with friends to prepare for an early-morning long run the next day. Going out was a short-term pleasure, while doing well in my race was a long-term one. Sometimes it’s necessary to forgo one for the other.

Running really helped me distinguish between earthly and heavenly pleasure, a distinction I can now apply to my marriage.

When, for example, my husband is coming home from a work trip on a Saturday at midnight and I need to pick him up from the airport, I get grumpy about the obligation--especially since we’ll need to wake up early for Mass the next day. But I want to be a good person in general by helping out someone in need. I want to show my husband my love by picking him up myself, instead of asking someone else to do it. And I want to experience Jesus in the Eucharist the next day, even though I may be bleary-eyed and would sort of rather be sleeping in.

Though that’s a small example, and though it’s always a struggle to get myself out the door for a run when I would rather be binge-watching something, I think being a regular runner ensures that I experience this rejection of my ego constantly.

Marriage helps to…open oneself to the other, to mutual aid and to self-giving (1609).

 Before I started learning more about the Catholic Church, I was a little hostile to some of her teachings.

No sex before marriage? I can understand that for one-night stands. But what if you’re in a committed relationship?

No artificial birth control? Puh-lease. I want kids, but I don’t want dozens of them!

 Running gave me the necessary understanding to dive deeper into these teachings once I was open to doing so. My husband and I had engaged in premarital sex, but once I realized sex was a beautiful way of engaging in the marital sacrament, we stopped. We weren’t even engaged yet--and it would be almost a year and a half until we were--but we knew why it was important.

It wasn’t easy, of course. But neither is running 26.2 miles, or climbing a couple of feet off the ground with nothing but a tiny rope (my husband’s favorite form of exercise is rock climbing).

And since we both could do that, we knew we could save sex for marriage, whether it was ultimately with each other or not. 

As for the artificial birth control issue, I am forever grateful to the Church for offering Natural Family Planning. I took up running because I wanted to be the healthiest version of myself I could be. The sport taught me to pay close attention to my body and discern what was normal, and what needed to be addressed through self-care or the help of a professional.

So it was easy to translate that mentality into tracking my fertility once I learned about NFP. I wasn’t even engaged when I started using the sympto-thermal method, but it was so useful for me even without the prospect of marriage. I am now in the process of becoming a sympto-thermal teacher myself, since I hope to teach single women in particular that fertility awareness can point out health issues long before marriage is even on the horizon.

 Whether you’re single, engaged, or married, I encourage you to try running. It’s a great way of learning more about the virtues Jesus and all of the saints modeled for us. And I believe it cultivates a mindset that will help your marriage flourish.

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About the Author: Johnna Wilford helps women design health and wellness routines that fit into their lives. She is a RRCA-certified running coach, a POP Pilates instructor, and a SymptoPro Fertility Educator in-training. She is also the Co-Founder of the online community Catholic Women Run.

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The Confidence of a Covenant

STEPHANIE FRIES

As husband and wife come together as one body in the profession of marriage vows, man and woman are united through covenant. Though it is not only their participation in the sacrament which binds them ‘till death, but God’s active presence as the third member of the triune union. This truth of trinitarian love can become a source of confident peace “in good times and in bad.”

God desires to fill our minds and hearts with faith, hope and love. In our human experience, we are often tempted to despair. I invite you to reflect on the triggers which test your resilience against fear or doubt in your vocation. When we collaborate with God, he promises to give strength to our weakness and drive out fear through the grace of the sacrament.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ALEX KRALL PHOTOGRAPHY

The deep intimacy of marriage and call for ongoing transformation is an experience of vulnerability and exposure. This vulnerability has the potential to reflect beauty itself, imaging the original nakedness and shamelessness of the human heart in God’s perfect design—before the fall to sin. Yet for some, myself included, the raw exposure of body, heart, and soul can initiate feelings of self-doubt, lack of trust, or worry for the future.

We are only human; we are not immune to fear.

Fear can take many forms in our lives, such as tension, defensiveness and a short-temper towards others, or apathy and hopelessness towards important matters. Whatever its form, fear affects our relationships.

In my own experiences, I can internalize my emotions, over-analyze circumstances, and seek means to gain control. Fear also materializes in the form of a question, a litany of asking, “what if?,” in times when God is calling me to surrender and trust his providence.

Any number of circumstances can provoke personal discord, such as separation over a distance, challenges with fertility, conflict involving extended family, financial burdens and professional stress. This list is nowhere near comprehensive of the challenges in family life. Yet no conflict or origin of fear is too big or too ugly for God to redeem, especially through the unbreakable bond of covenant.

Despite our brokenness, here is the source of unfailing, sanctifying hope: the sacrament of Matrimony is indefinitely bound to the gift of grace. “Christ dwells with [married couples], gives them strength to take up their crosses and to follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love.”

He pours out his love to us and through us. The life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ created an unbreakable promise of love from God to his children. The vocation to married life is an invitation for us to participate—with God and our spouse—in this promise. Our responsibility is, simply, to remain in him.

When our value, security or identity is threatened by fear, the courageous Christian response is love. 1 John tell us, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear.” We do not acquire this perfect love through our own effort. Rather, we remember “God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him. In this is love brought to perfection among us.”

If we honestly identify our source of fear—as an individual or as a couple—and share it with God in prayer, he can begin to restore our hearts and our lives. We eventually break free from the chains of fear, love others in greater abundance, and receive love without hesitation or doubt. In essence, we fulfill our human design to love and be loved. We catch a glimpse of sanctification in our marriage, family, and community.

“Jesus has not placed on spouses a burden impossible to bear, or too heavy… It is by following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that spouses will be able to “receive” the original meaning of marriage and life with the help of Christ. This grace of Christian marriage is a fruit of Christ’s cross, the source of all Christian life.”

Marriage is a party of three: man, woman, and God. Through our wedding vows, we are infinitely bound to both our spouse and our Creator. In seasons of sorrow or despair, courageously choose love. Enter more deeply into raw intimacy with trust. Enter more honestly into prayer with hope. When temptation to fear abounds, we are invited to stand with confidence upon our unbreakable sacramental covenant, in union with the presence of God, and anticipate the fulfillment of perfect love.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. Stephanie’s perfect day would consist of a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Newlywed Challenge | 3 Simple Ways to Reduce Screens in Your New Marriage

MARIAH MAZA

True confession: I love my screens. I love my phone that allows me to stay in contact with friends and family, listen to all my favorite podcasts, and stream my Amazon Prime watchlist. I love my laptop, on which I complete most of my work and writing projects, both at home and away at the local library or coffee shop.

But for all their wonderful uses, screens can also easily take up the majority of our attention--to the point that their bright and noisy distraction numbs us to a sad reality: the slow replacement of intimacy in a relationship with self-absorbed technology.

It is a problem that can spring up especially in the initial transition from the single life into a married home. Bad technological habits that previously affected only yourself can suddenly have a very apparent and negative effect on your spouse, the person you now see everyday and share a bed with each night.

In fact, this is exactly what happened to my husband and I. Very soon after the wedding, I began to notice little, unexpected things in our marriage that felt “off” because of the presence of a phone, laptop, or TV screen:

When we would talk to each other, eye contact wasn’t always being made because one of us would be on our phone as we spoke. After a while, I began to feel painfully unheard and unseen simply because of the lack of “eyeball time” in our conversations (which is what I started to call it).

Later when we went to bed, we would bring our phones with us out of habit, scrolling and watching videos while laying next to each other, but not interacting. I began to experience an unrest in my heart, like the sacred space of our “marriage bed” was being invaded by our screens.

It didn’t take long for me to begin to resent the crowding presence of technology in my relationship with my husband, because I desired a deeper intimacy that seemed to be blocked by YouTube videos and my overuse of Facebook. Bad habits needed to be broken, but it wouldn’t be an overnight process.

Breaking screen habits can be very difficult, but for engaged couples or newlyweds, there are simple ways to prevent or reduce the overuse of technology in your new marriage before it becomes a problem. And it doesn’t necessarily require a total screen detox. By having an honest and vulnerable conversation with your fiance or spouse, I challenge you to safeguard your intimacy by trying one (or all) of these three tips to achieve a healthy “digital minimalism” in your vocation.

Go without a TV for the first 6 months

Be bold! If you are gifted a nice flat screen for your wedding or already have a TV, keep it safely packed away in storage. If you don’t have one, don’t worry about buying one. Not for the first six months, anyway.

Now imagine the unique foundation you could build in your new marriage without a working TV in your home or apartment. What fun, creative traditions could you begin? Instead of binge-watching your favorite shows together, find entertaining board games at a nearby store or friend’s house that you can play together. Go on a drive and explore the local area. Find a tasty new recipe and cook dinner together. Read a favorite book out loud to each other. Dedicate certain hours to prayer as a couple.

While a cozy movie night on the couch can be a wonderful date idea, I challenge you to discover a life without TV, and let yourself be surprised by all the memories you may not otherwise have made. Does six months sound too long? Try it for one month, or even a week after you settle into your new life together.

No phone zones

This is a very important boundary to set in your married life, and one that I forgot to seriously consider.

Ask yourself where the distracting presence of a phone screen could most hinder or infringe on intimacy in your marriage, whether it be spiritual, emotional, or physical intimacy.

Some crucial “no phone zones” could be the bed, the dinner table, or car rides.

In these special places, both you and your beloved agree to set down or turn off your phones and allow the focus to be on each other. In these places communication, eye contact, and self-giving love can thrive without distraction. If you are like me and use your phone every night as an alarm, consider placing it on a nightstand--or even better--on a dresser further away so you can’t reach for it in the middle of the night.

Download app timers

Most people are completely unaware of how much time they actually spend on different applications on their phone, laptop, or tablet. Utilizing apps that keep track of how long you spend on time-sucking platforms like Instagram or Facebook can be a shocking wake-up call to the reality of screen overuse.

There are also apps that lock you out of your phone for a specified time or shut down specific applications after a timer goes off. Some of these include OFFTIME, Forest, App Off Timer, and AppDetox, but there are dozens more options available.

Download a few and see which work best. If you notice your screen time decreasing and the quality of your marriage increasing, you’re doing something right!

So much about newlywed life sets the foundation and habits for the rest of your marriage, and your first year together is a special time that won’t come again. With this in mind, strive to start off strong with an intentional focus on your intimacy that builds confidence, trust, and respect.

So talk about boundaries now, not later. Be honest about your bad screen habits, make a realistic plan, and agree to hold each other accountable. This is just one way to practice sacrifice for the good of your spouse, an element of marriage that will come up again and again and again.

When I learned how to sacrifice my phone time out of love for my husband (even though it felt small), the bigger sacrifices that inevitably came in marriage didn’t seem as intimidating. And by the grace of God, we started practicing healthier habits: time limits, putting the desires of the other first, intentional intimacy-building activities, and persistent prayer.

Now I cherish every moment of precious eye contact so much more, and I feel more seen, heard, and known. When I see my husband put down his phone to come over and ask me about my day, my heart fills with joy and gratitude. Our marriage has been put first, and a little victory has been won.

God tells us that “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” With each little victory over distraction, we become more and more “one flesh.” Don’t let a screen come between your marriage and this amazing sacramental mystery. Enter joyfully into it with your beloved, and watch how the Lord blesses your union.

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About the Author: Mariah Maza is Spoken Bride’s Features Editor. She is the co-founder of Joans in the Desert, a blog for bookish and creative Catholic women. Read more

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Newlywed Life | There Is Grace in Recalling Your Wedding Day.

HANNAH GRAHAM

Shortly after my husband and I were married, I mentioned to a friend that I thought about our wedding day a couple times a week, if not more. I recently ran into this friend again at a wedding reception, not long after our first anniversary. Seeing me again, she inquired as to whether or not this was still the case, curious if marriage had impacted that habit of regularly remembering our wedding day.

Photography: Mackenzie Reiter Photography

I was happy to answer that experiencing the realities of married life is part of why I still contemplate and reminisce about that day just as often. The ceremony, Mass, the wedding party, the friends and family, the dancing, speeches, and pictures. Even after having our first child, I think about how profoundly those moments impacted us.

That day crosses my mind often, not only because it was the beginning of my vocation and the best day of my life, but because my life with my husband has become a reflection of that day.

The individuals who witnessed our vows still hold us accountable in our faith and vocation. We are still challenged by the Church to live our marriage as a witness to God’s love, in the same way we chose to that very first day. In the trenches of parenthood, two jobs, and living away from family, we are still asked to give ourselves--body and soul--over to the other.

I play through those grace-filled moments to remind myself of the high call my husband and I entered into, particularly when the crosses feel heavy.

In the midst of a million distractions, looking back on the intense desire my husband and I had—and continue to have—for the Lord refreshes the dusty parts of my soul.

I once heard it said that the grace God gives a couple in the sacrament of marriage is just as powerful as the grace he gives a priest to change ordinary bread into the body of Christ. Despite the heaviness life can bring into a marriage--financial struggles, misunderstandings, family tensions-- the wedding day is a reminder that laying down one’s life for another is a joy when done in love. This is what married life truly demands of all those who enter into the divinity of the sacrament.

If you haven’t done so, consider bringing your wedding day to prayer when you face challenges in your vocation. Doing so can remind you of the grace you are capable of calling upon, as well as the joy with which you entered into this union.

Even if you don’t face any immediate crosses in this particular realm, reflecting on the day with your husband can renew your desire to love selflessly and foster gratitude towards the Lord for how far you have come. Regardless of how long you have been married, reminiscing on that very first day will keep you aware of the truly divine romance you became a part of.

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About the Author: Hannah holds a Bachelor of Arts in English along with minors in Theology and Catholic Studies.  She currently pursues her passion for freelance writing from her home in Minnesota, where she lives with her husband and son.   

Ash Wednesday Reflection | Memento Mori + Marriage

MARIAH MAZA

Memento, homo quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris.

“Remember, you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” (Gen 3:19)

Ash Wednesday begins a period of deep internal reflection and penance. So as we walk into the dimly lit churches on the first day of Lent, let the solemn silence enter your spirit, and enter again with a vulnerable heart into the Paschal Mystery: the Passion, death, and resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

“Teach us to count our days aright, that we may gain wisdom of heart.” (Psalm 90:12)

The cross of ash we receive on our forehead is both an external sign of our sinful mortality and a reminder of the Divine death that was suffered for our salvation. An often-forgotten ancient spiritual penance comes to mind: the practice of memento mori, a Latin phrase that reminds us, especially in this season of Lent, to “remember your death.”

“Let us prepare ourselves for a good death, for eternity. Let us not lose our time in lukewarmness, in negligence, in our habitual infidelities,” admonishes St. John Vianney. And so, let us not remember our inevitable death with fear, but instead illuminated in the Christian hope of Eternal Life that awaits us beyond the threshold of our earthly lives.

In her devotional Remember Your Death, Sister Theresa Aletheia Noble reminds us “Jesus has defeated humanity’s greatest foe—permanent death in sin. All that remains for us to endure is bodily death. And Jesus has transformed even this fearsome reality into the doorway to heaven.”

“The Cross changes everything.”

Yes, let us remember death. Because “in whatever you do, remember your last days, and you will never sin.” (Sirach 7:36). Because each numbered breath, starting today, is one more reminder to live, to hope, and to love.

And for those who are engaged, newlywed, or veteran married couples, allow the practice of memento mori to become something even more profound: as you prepare to become one flesh--or already live one in flesh with your spouse--remember the death of your beloved.

Remember your vows you will make, or have already made. Remember you vowed “until death do us part.” Remember that part of the sacramental vocation of marriage is to prepare your beloved for a saintly death. You are called to help each other to Heaven.

“Then he said to all, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.” (Luke 9:23-24)

Beginning today, with your fiancé or your spouse, help each other to carry your crosses as we walk the Way of the Cross with the Church. Whoever follows Christ will die with him, the God who didn’t even spare himself from the pain of death, but whoever follows Christ will also rise with him.

“Death is swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” (1 Corinthians 15:54-55)

Memento mori.

Further reading: Sr. Theresa Aletheia Noble’s first 20 pages of her new Lenten Devotional Remember Your Death.

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About the Author: Mariah Maza is Spoken Bride’s Features Editor. She is the co-founder of Joans in the Desert, a blog for bookish and creative Catholic women. Read more

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Change is Both Good and Hard: Wisdom from The Lion King

STEPHANIE FRIES

Have you seen the movie The Lion King? The characters are lovable, the songs are catchy, and the story is metaphorically relatable. Walt Disney produced a movie to not only entertain an audience, but to also share wisdom about real-life experiences such as growing up, surrendering anxieties, forgiving and receiving forgiveness, and pursuing a destiny.

When I recently rewatched the movie, I was struck by a scene which reflected my personal experience as a newlywed. In the context of the film, Rafiki, the baboon whose character is as colorful as his face, has encountered young-adult Simba. Rafiki is hoping to convince Simba to return to the pride land--the home where he would be King if not for the evil manipulation of his Uncle Scar.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRAPHY

In their conversation, Simba curiously looks into the sky and says, “Looks like the winds are changing.”

Rafiki responds, “Ahh, change is good.”

In an honest reply, Simba says, “Yeah, but it’s not easy.”

There is a dance in the tension between “both” and “and.” Both Rafiki and Simba. Both good and hard. Both joyful and painful. Both triumphant and agonizing. Both glorious and sacrificial.

When I approach the personal and circumstantial changes which have accompanied married life with the conviction that change is only supposed to be good—as fruitful and enjoyable—I create unrealistic expectations. I expect myself to adjust to a new environment with a level of gracefulness, simplicity, and ease that nears perfection; therefore, making a mistake or asking for help is a sign of failure. In this half-true perspective, I am overwhelmed by my constant mistakes, I am frustrated in my insecurities, and I bring tension into my marriage.

Can you relate? Do we allow ourselves to admit that change is both good and hard?

By shifting my perspective and embracing this whole truth, I become more gentle with myself. I align my will with what is good, and I simultaneously recognize the limits of my human capacity when the circumstances are hard. When I am at peace in understanding perfection is not possible, I accept tender affirmation and encouragement from my husband without denying his kindness. I grow in the fruits of the spirit.

Sisters, it is okay—freeing, in fact—to admit when something is just plain hard. All the while, our attitude can be both confident and humble; confident that, “I can do hard things,” and humble to say, “I can’t do this alone.” The honest and humble heart creates space for God to guide the way.

Consider how the season of engagement proclaims, as Simba says, “the winds are changing.” As we recall from Scripture, “A man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.” Marriage prep classes and wedding planning are visible signs of the active journey of two becoming one—a journey which continues for many years. Throughout those years, husbands and wives will be faced with innumerable new circumstances, transitions, and opportunities for change.

Saying I do is like dropping a rock in a pond and the resulting changes in our lives are the waves which ripple from the impact.

The ripple effect of external changes in married life could include moving to a new house or city, making new friends, creating different routines, establishing new hobbies and schedules, having a baby, sharing spaces and materials with your spouse, eating different foods, etc. The list goes on and on and is ever-changing with the seasons of our lives.

These adjustments, as simple as some may be, are both good—in the way they are a part of sharing a life together—and hard—in the demand for selflessness, virtue, discomfort, and surrender.

In addition to the external adjustments, our hearts undergo a transformation as well. Marriage requires a thousand deaths so we may grow together anew. By its nature, death is painful. Yet submitting to death-of-self, as a free and faithful act of holy love, is affirmed by God’s grace and supported in good community. Both good and hard. As we grow in self-awareness, intimacy with God, and intimacy with our spouse, we can enter more deeply into the trinitarian unity our hearts desire.

God knows every detail of the transitions in our lives. His grace will shine through each circumstance in a unique way. Do we trust his wisdom and glory? Or are we distracted by unfulfilled perfection and seemingly-useless suffering? The attitude and perspective we choose in each experience shapes our lifelong journey to holiness and our relationships with others along the way.

As we are honest with ourselves, we can be more gentle with ourselves. These attributes—honesty and gentleness—are not signs of carelessness or complacency, but of faithful cooperation with the Father of Mercy.

There will certainly be days when we have to dig deep, work hard, or push through temptation to accept certain changes in our lives. There will be days when we are surprised by joy and overwhelmed with the peace and freedom of change. Regardless of the emotions of experience, the truth echoes from the words of Rafiki and Simba, “change is good, but it is not easy.”

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. Is God calling you to practice more honest self-talk? Does he yearn to offer you healing in the Sacrament of Confession? Does he want to show you the freedom in surrendering your expectations for perfection? In what new circumstance does God want to shower you with his mercy? Journey deeper with him this liturgical season to experience both the pain of the crucifixion and glory of the resurrection as we fulfill our vocations to love.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. Stephanie’s perfect day would consist of a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Why I Value My Love Story's Flaws

ABIGAIL GRIPSHOVER

Sometimes it seems the best stories are the ones that involve the most hardship. As a writer and bit of a romantic, I always hoped my love story would be a good one. However, I did not realize until after I was married that the many difficulties my husband and I faced while dating were the very things that would make our story exactly what I hoped for, one worthy of retelling.

Photography: Emma Dallman Photography

This theme has continued into our marriage, and I have come to realize that our struggles are cornerstones, forming a strong foundation for the life we are building together; one that will hopefully last many decades and weather even the worst storms.

My husband and I were very fortunate, because we were each other’s firsts. We shared and experienced those magical little romantic things together: the specialness of the first date, the thrill of holding hands for the first time, the shyness of the first kisses lightly placed on cheeks. We made the most of our tiny college town, slowly filling every corner of it with memories that would never be forgotten.

But we also had to learn love’s hard lessons through each other.

I slowly came to the realization that this other person did not always see things the way I did, and I had to accept that his fears and opinions were different than mine, yet still deserving of respect.

We experienced the difficulty of growing up and changing while spending late nights and stressful study sessions trying to understand who we were after all of this.

During those formative years, it was all too easy to blame our own individual problems on each other.  After too many cycles of forgiving, forgetting, then falling into the same harmful patterns, it seemed like we were doomed to keep hurting each other, and we parted for what I believed to be the last time. He transferred schools and went back home while I returned to a very lonely campus to finish the second half of my junior year.

We were young, gullible, and at times, very dramatic. But we loved each other, and in the end, after some space and time, desperate prayers and tireless persistence on the part of my dear husband, we called our friends to tell them that we were not only back together, but also engaged and getting married in a few months.

Even though we were long distance, both of us living and working from home at this point, being engaged was truly incredible. It felt like the world was sparkling and everything we planned, whether it was the flowers for the church or the layout for our new apartment, promised to be perfect. We were married on a beautiful, warm day in February, and the wedding was even more than we hoped. It was intimate, elegant, and full of visible love.

But as our married life began, a distance fell between us we had never experienced before, and it seemed to grow and warp as the first week of marriage stretched into the first six months.

There was so much we didn’t understand, so many ways we were unprepared for what was coming. New responsibilities caught us by surprise and normal mood swings were interpreted as personal attacks. We felt like we came from different planets, and the peace we had reached together only months before seemed to crumble in our hands.

In our first year of marriage, we moved twice, changed jobs, lived long-distance for over a month, confronted broken promises, and fell under the curse of chronic illness. Money was tight, tensions were high, and hurts ran deep. And so we prayed. We prayed harder than we ever had before, reached out for help, and remembered our vows. We had committed to each other, and we were not going to give up now. Scott Hahn once said,

“The grace of the sacrament does not make marriage easy, it makes it possible,”

We called upon that grace to save us. In response, God healed us and gave us the eyes to see the reasons for our hardship. We were able to recognize him guiding us as we renewed our promises.

When we stood before our family and friends on our wedding day and vowed to forsake all others for each other, we had no idea those vows would be tested so quickly. I always assumed the “for better” part came first, and the “for worse” part came later, and learned that is not always the case. Yet through our Lord’s grace we stayed. Our love became like a broken bone, stronger once healed than it ever was. As we live through our second year of marriage and continue to face new hardships, we have been able to lean on each other.

When we wake up side by side and look into the eyes we fell in love with, we both feel so grateful God gave us to each other. We both are brought to tears when we think of everything we would have lost, had we given up during the hard times. And now, as we both wonder at the movement of our little baby still growing inside me, we cannot wait to watch our life continue to grow through the hands of the Lord into so much more than it ever could have alone.

In the song “Enough to Let Me Go,” the band Switchfoot writes,

“If it doesn’t break your heart, it isn’t love.”

Even though I liked the song, I never understood that verse. This love story of mine has changed that. Marriage can be truly heartbreaking, but not always in bad way. Sometimes it breaks my heart because it is just so incredibly good.  My poor, feeble brain cannot comprehend or process the outpouring of love, delight, and gratitude that surges through me when he wakes up and smiles at me or takes my hand in the grocery store while we talk about ridiculous things.

Our love story is only beginning. Though I may be biased, I can say I’m thoroughly hooked and cannot wait to see what the next chapter holds, even if it’s a difficult one.

After all, God is the original author, and he knows how to write a good ending for every type of story. Especially a love story.

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About the Author: Abigail Gripshover is a part-time editor/social media manager and full-time housewife.  When not working, you can find her catching up on book club readings, rearranging furniture, or organizing her planner while listening to music.  She lives at the beach with her wonderful husband, and they are expecting their first baby. 

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Heartfelt Thank You Notes: The 6th Love Language

STEPHANIE FRIES

A much-anticipated aspect of the wedding planning process involves creating a wedding registry and receiving an assortment of new home appliances, decorations, tools, and household essentials.

As wedding guests share their excitement for the newlyweds by offering a thoughtful gift from the registry, they express their admiration, love, joy, and hope to the couple. In his written analysis of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, author and marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman comments on the significance of gift-giving. He says, “You must be thinking of someone to give him or her a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought.”

Yet the deep fulfillment of gift-giving often comes when the recipient opens the gift with sincere gratitude or joy; as observed by St. Francis of Assisi, “it is in giving that we receive.” When guests are unable to see the bride and groom open their gift after their wedding, a thank you note helps complete the beautiful cycle between giving and receiving.

While giving a gift is a way to say “I love you,” writing a heartfelt thank you note is how to say, “I love you, too.”

If working through the list of thank you notes feels like a chore, hassle or waste of time, consider the following tips to convey gratitude, affirm your friends and family, and find purpose in your hand cramps:

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAUREN EMILY PHOTOGRAPHY

Write Notes by Hand

There isn’t an expression of gratitude more authentic, powerful, or treasured than a personal, handwritten note. Despite the convenience and beauty of modern technology, it is important to take the time and effort to put pen to paper.  Making the effort to handwrite wedding thank you notes and send it in the mail is not only a sacrifice, but an act of love for another.

Be Specific

Beyond gratitude for gifts alone, consider expressing your sincere thanks for wedding weekend assistance or for the presence of a loved one at your wedding. Every guest, vendor, and volunteer is a unique person who helped make your special day possible. The thank you note has the power to convey the message of appreciation for both the gift and their role in your life. As you express gratitude in a note as unique as the person it’s for, consider incorporating answers to some of the following questions:

• What was the gift?

• What was your/your spouse’s reaction when you received the gift?

• How will you/have you used the gift?

• Why are you and your spouse eager to bring this specific gift home?

• How did their presence or assistance make a difference in your wedding day?

• Did this person offer a skill, talent, or word of encouragement that no one else could have provided?

Share Something from the Heart

Stretch your focus beyond the gift and share a personal emotion or memory from your wedding day. By sharing an emotion, you expose a truth of your heart and invite the recipient of the message to express empathy or to make a deeper connection with you. For example, you could write about a favorite moment or a “behind-the-scenes” story that guests didn’t notice. Despite how much time you were able to spend with specific guests during the wedding weekend, sharing a personal story or emotion invites them into a deeper experience and memory of your joyful sacrament. In doing so, you offer them a gift in return, the gift of your heart.

Pay it Forward

The gratitude doesn’t have to end when the thank you note goes to the post office. When you unpack a gift or as you use it over time, offer a prayer of thanksgiving for the person who gave it to you and their generosity, or a petition for their own needs and desires.

Stay on Budget

If a family member or close friend wants to give you and your spouse a meaningful wedding gift that is not on the registry, consider inviting them to order the bulk supply of personalized stationery, envelopes, and/or stamps for your thank you notes. High-quality stationary reflects your personality and your gratitude, but it comes with a cost. If someone is able to give your stationary as a wedding gift, it is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. Stephanie’s perfect day would consist of a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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My Marriage Prep Experience Was More Intense Than Most. Its Surprising Fruits.

MEGAN HAAS

Six months after our college graduation, as I began a corporate job in my hometown and my boyfriend moved across the country for military service, he made a surprise visit and proposed on the campus where we fell in love. Giddily, we walked hand-in-hand. I looked up at him and asked, “Now what?” to which he replied, “Let’s go to the church!”

Photography: Rae and Michael, seen in Reflections on Ten Years of Marriage

With the exception of extreme circumstances, the Church calls us to take time as a couple to prepare for marriage. Due to our long-distance circumstances, my fiancé and I hoped to get married sooner rather than later, in the church we attended together back in college. Excitedly, we walked into the office, asked, “how can we get married here?,” and were given a booklet of instructions. It was here I learned the Church must be notified at least six months in advance of a couple’s desired wedding date to ensure sufficient preparation for the sacrament.

A few days later, my fiancé and I were thrilled to find an available date that worked with his military commitment. We met with a priest to discuss our formal preparation with the church over the next nine months. Along with a retreat and written materials for pre-marriage counseling, our priest requested we meet with him 6-8 times throughout our engagement. This posed a challenge, with our eight hour separation and work obligations--our visits were limited to one weekend every few months. At this first meeting, he assured us that as long as my fiancé could call or Skype into the meetings, this would not be an issue. We were pleased with the plan.

When we shared these details with our families, my parents were taken aback that the parish required so many pastoral meetings. My fiancé and I were confused by their reaction.

Other family members, including grandparents, continued to surprise us, asking questions like,Why do you two need to meet with the priest so many times? Isn’t it enough that you want to get married in the Catholic Church, when so few couples do these days? Though they’ve encouraged my faith throughout my life, my family viewed the time commitment as burdensome during an already stressful period of separation. 

I liked our priest, however, and I rationalized that it was not a huge time commitment. Still, when my spouse and I attended a Pre-Cana retreat and learned from other attendees that frequent meetings were  fairly uncommon, I was a bit surprised. Most other parishes in our geographical area did not require couples to commit to more than a Pre-Cana retreat and a meeting or two. Friends of ours getting married in another state were only required to do a Pre-Cana retreat.

So as our first official marriage preparation meeting approached, I grew frustrated: Why do we have to commit to so much more than other couples preparing for marriage in the Church?

It took time and prayer to find an answer. My fiancé and I were facing the stress of the military, illness in the family, uncertainty about my career plans. We both worked long hours, and the wedding was suddenly six months away.

After our first meeting, it hit me: we were not spending enough quality time with God. The Father had his hand in us getting married at this particular church. He wanted to make sure we were prepared for the sacrament. Taking time to go the church where I would marry my husband, either in person or attending by phone, gave me much needed time for prayer and reflection.

 Our priest’s approach also provided valuable insight into our expectations for marriage. I learned right away that my vision was far too idealistic. The priest pointed out that on our formal assessment, I agreed with the statement, “I will always love my intended as I do now.” I now see that as naivety. Of course, love matures and grows. Through our conversations, I grew more realistic about the future and potential challenges ahead. We created a budget, discussed how we might share household responsibilities, and came up with potential date ideas--all as part of our marriage preparation.

 As much as we kept Christ at the center of our dating relationship, the busyness and stress of engagement made it more difficult--and the commitments with our priest ensured we still made the Lord our priority.

If you are preparing for the sacrament and feel burdened by the obligations, talk with your fiancé and encourage each other to fully commit to what the Church asks of you. In the case that your parish does not require a marriage prep course, I push you to take the leap yourself and schedule some time to talk as a couple with your priest. Our Father gave us the beautiful gift of marriage. And like all of the sacraments, we must ready our hearts in order to fully enter into it.

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About the Author: Megan graduated from John Carroll University in 2017, where she studied Management, English Literature, and Spanish--and met her husband. The couple currently resides in Tennessee, where Megan works as a data analyst. Together, they enjoy day trips, movie marathons, and spending time with friends and family around the country. Megan's passions include baking, reading, and taking on DIY projects.

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What's in a Name? | Married Names, Maiden Names, and the Decisions We Make

STEPHANIE FRIES

As the dust begins to settle around the whirlwind of wedding planning, a new journey begins to unfold. Together, and with time, you and your spouse will grow into your identity as a married couple. In the midst of this exciting season, there is a vital decision to confirm your new family’s identity in choosing your last name.

When it’s time to fill in that blank on the legal documents, couples generally have the option to take either the bride or the groom’s last name, hyphenate both last names, or create a new name. Although the decision surrounding a married couple’s last name is morally neutral, many women are convicted in their beliefs on a wide spectrum between keeping her maiden name and taking his. If you are curious why a woman would willingly abandon her own family name or if you desire to articulate the reasons why you did, understanding the physical and spiritual nature of men and women may help.

PHOTOGRAPHY: OCULI CORDIS MEDIA

The history of a bride taking her groom’s last name is rooted in English common law. The practice for creating a thread of surname lineage was centered around establishing both a legality of marriage and set boundaries for couples in regards to acquiring property or business. These standards were eventually adopted in practice in the United States. With the onset of “family names” passed from a father to his newborn child or from a groom to his bride, additional laws, norms, traditions, and opinions began to take root throughout growing cultures both nationwide and worldwide.

Of course, from a legalistic point of view, an immediate perspective assumes that the man claims dominance over the woman when she officially takes his last name. This misguided belief has been the origin of women’s oppression, including, for example, a woman’s right to vote. Because we are a world of imperfect humans, a tradition with the potential to celebrate the gift of marriage and family has been twisted into oppression and abuse.

As a reaction to oppression or because of shifts in the secular definition of marriage, women identify several reasons to keep her maiden name, such as convenience, preference, personal identity or equality of power. Other times, academic careers or professional publications are the cause for a woman to maintain her identity through her last name.

Regardless of the history of societal wedding traditions or the secular, modern approaches to marriage, our legal actions cannot be separated from our spiritual being. Because a human being is body and soul, our physical actions and decisions—including changing our name—proclaim what we understand to be true about being a human.

Therefore, when a woman accepts the last name of her new spouse, she emphasizes the dignity of her femininity as she reveals the legal, physical, emotional and spiritual union with her beloved.

This statement may sound like a surprising contrast to the general “feminist movement.” Many feminists through decades past—and present—would argue that a woman should keep her maiden name in order to claim equal rights, stand up for herself, and maintain her independence. But if we carefully define “what is feminine,” we will find empowering support for woman to fulfill part of her femininity by receiving her husband’s last name.

To understand what it means to be woman through a Christian anthropology, we go to the story when woman was created: in the garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. “So the Lord God cast a deep sleep on the man, and while he was asleep, he took out one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. The Lord God then built the rib that he had taken from the man into a woman.”

Eve received life, physically and spiritually, by the rib of Adam and the hand of God. With her first breath, Adam received her as a gift to fulfill his desire for union with another. We hear Adam’s joyful relief when he says, “This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” And as he accepted her, Eve simultaneously received man as a gift for her own fulfillment of self-knowledge. Saint Pope John Paul II explains, ”The exchange is mutual. In it, the reciprocal effects of the sincere gift and of the finding oneself again are revealed and grow.” This cycle of giving of self and receiving the other between man and woman is the epitome of holy, joyful, spousal union as God intended.

Scripture shows us woman’s initial receptivity to life and the love that followed. Although both man and woman are called to give and receive in acts of love, our bodies help define receptivity as a naturally feminine quality. Consider the intimacy of the wedding night and the bride’s physical receptivity of the groom. Or at the moment of conception as the woman receives a child in her womb.

This is not a gender stereotype, but a celebration of what it means to be woman and how we are called to love man: by receiving every part of him as a cherished gift.

Yes, when a wife takes the last name of her husband, she surrenders her maiden name and, perhaps, part of her identity which was secured in that name. The emotional struggle of letting go of a maiden name emphasizes the reality that a name has value to a person’s identity.

For a husband to offer a meaningful gift of his identity—his name—is a beautiful and masculine act of love. When a woman accepts his last name, she is not practicing an outdated, man-driven tradition; she fulfills her femininity in a selfless act of receptive love. In the way only a woman can.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. Stephanie’s perfect day would consist of a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Creating a Unique Wedding Registry

CLARA DAVISON

Wedding registries can be both an exciting and anxious part of wedding planning. Who doesn’t get excited about making the ultimate wish list for their new home? This is an opportunity for you and your fiancé to decide your style as a couple and how your future home will reflect that.

At the same time, it can create an extra level of stress as you scrutinize each item you add to your registry. What does it mean to be a good steward of your friend’s and family’s generosity? How much should you consider the price range of items? Is it wiser to restrict your registry to necessities, or is this an opportunity to include things you would not consider purchasing yourself? What is the balance between kitchen items, larger furniture pieces, linens, and miscellaneous?

A little prayer and confidence in the joyful generosity of your friends and family during this season of engagement can help alleviate these anxious questions.

A wedding registry is an opportunity for those who love you to channel their affection into acts of charity. And there is never another time in your life when you’ll get to create such an exciting wish list!

And so, it can be fun to find ways to veer from the traditional aspects of wedding registries and add some uniqueness to this part of wedding planning. Here are three ways to make your registry more personalized towards your future life as a married couple:

Books

What better way to celebrate your marriage than growing your new family’s library? Though my husband and I accumulated a large number of books during our years as English majors, I wish we had added the missing classics to our wedding registry. This is a wonderful way to infuse your personality into your registry and give your guests the opportunity to add to your book collection. It is also a great way to include your fiancé—who may be apathetic about towel and sheet colors—in the registry selections. Giving your guests the option to purchase books might be a welcome change from the usual selection of linens and kitchen items.

Charities

As you and your fiancé begin creating your registry, this is a wonderful time to discuss how charitable giving will be incorporated into your marriage. In the midst of picking items that you will no doubt enjoy in your future home, it is nice to consider how your upcoming marriage will benefit others. Is there a specific charity that is significant to you or your fiancé? Is there a ministry that has supported you and your beloved’s spiritual growth?

As a couple, you have the opportunity to begin your marriage prioritizing charitable giving and inviting your friends and family to join you. What a beautiful testimony to the life-giving fruit of marriage!

Experiences

One of my favorite developments in wedding registries is the incorporation of experiences. Most registries now have the option for couples to create individual experiences that their guests can choose to help fund. This is a nice way to balance the many physical gifts on a registry with experience gifts that build memories rather than clutter. I used this option to create specific experiences that our guests could gift us for our honeymoon. Tickets to the Vatican Museums and to a play were just two of the options that guests could use to help us celebrate our first few weeks as a married couple.

In the midst of the chaos of wedding planning, the registry can be an opportunity to relax and enjoy dreaming up the trimmings of your future home. Adding a few unique additions to your registry is a fun and refreshing way to incorporate your interests as a couple. What are some unusual items that you have added to your registry?

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About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in independent school advancement and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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Moments that Matter, Memories that Last

ELIZABETH MAHON

On a wedding day, the bride and groom’s carefully selected vendors come together to serve specific roles with a shared objective of making the day a run smoothly. Coordinators keep everyone on schedule as bouquets and floral arrangements are assembled, finishing touches are added to cakes, and priests deliver their homilies. The wedding photographer is there to capture and preserve these memories.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRAPHY

As a wedding photographer, I am truly grateful for the opportunity to be a part of one of the most monumental days in people’s lives. This role is unique from other vendors. I remember the pressure I felt the very first time I was charged with the responsibility of photographing a wedding, “These photos could hang on their wall for generations; make sure you don’t miss any of the big moments!” I thought.

While I still feel a certain type of pressure going into wedding days, my outlook on capturing them has changed slightly over the years. This is partly due to my own experience as a bride, but mostly because of seasoned knowledge of how a wedding day will unfold. I have seen enough wedding days to anticipate how they will likely progress; most vendors will tell you the same thing, echoing the words of Julius Caesar, “experience is the best teacher.” Yet, the tangible anticipation of serving a couple as a wedding photographer prevails (even with years of experience) because the intimate moments that matter are fleeting.

In the photography community, there is an emphasis on capturing "moments that matter.” These moments happen between the scheduled events, or they might not be noticed by the bride and groom until they look through their gallery of images long after their wedding day.

It is impossible for the bride and groom to see every aspect of their wedding day when they are in the spotlight. They will miss the look on the father-of-the-bride’s face when his daughter vows her life to her husband, and they might not see the wedding guests in prayer during the dedication to the Blessed Mother. As the day unfolds, I am constantly on the lookout for these moments. It is a more organic approach than simply working from of a shot list or checking items off of a list; there is always a sense of anticipation.

Of course, it cannot be denied that there are parts of a wedding day that require structure. The family formal photos and standard portraits are important. As part of a pre-wedding questionnaire, I have all of my couples list any guests of honor who will be in attendance, and the family photos that they, or their parents, wish to have.

I thrive on looking for unique ways to capture the ceremony, depending on each church--as no two are the same. Parish churches, Cathedrals, and chapels all radiate a different type of beauty, and it is fun to get creative.

Although I have documented many types of wedding ceremonies over the years, a majority of my experiences have been in the context of a Catholic Mass.

The sacrament of matrimony adds an entirely new meaning to the phrase “moments that matter” because of the sacramental graces bestowed upon the couple. While these graces can never be fully captured in a picture, their essence is what I aim to reveal in the photos I take.

I try to focus on moments throughout the day that will last long after the sparkler send-off. While the handcrafted invitations and DIY centerpieces are exquisite and deserve to be remembered, they do not bear the same importance as those intangible moments. I can recognize a bride who values sacramental elements when she is seeking a photographer who is familiar with the  beauty of the Catholic Mass.

It is a gift when I am able to partake in the Mass as a photographer. I have heard homilies that are edifying to my vocation as a wife, joined in prayer for couples alongside the congregation, and gratefully received communion as a part of my work day.

While I want my clients to have an overall enjoyable experience throughout wedding planning, it is most important that they cherish the photographs from their wedding day for years to come. If you are seeking a wedding photographer, look for someone whose work highlights what is most important to you. If you and your photographer value the same aspects of a wedding day, you will capture and cherish those fleeting yet precious “moments that matter” forever.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Elizabeth is a national wedding + portrait photographer and Spoken Bride vendor. Although based in Maryland, she has traveled the country photographing weddings from California to Maine and everywhere in between. She loves old movies, the Green Bay Packers, and learning any/everything about American history. Elizabeth is married to her college sweetheart, Patrick, and the two are raising their baby boy Theodore just outside of Baltimore, MD.

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3 Options to Create Community at your Reception

STEPHANIE FRIES

Regardless of the number of people who attend your wedding, the blending of two families and the witness of marriage brings together a joyful crowd. Part of wedding planning involves making decisions about managing this group of people who may or may not know each other. There are options in how you guide wedding guests through the reception not only for smooth transitions, but also to create community among your most beloved family and friends.

Relationships so often begin as strangers share a meal around a table. While considering the flow between seating arrangements and food service options for your reception, I invite you to also consider the possibilities of initiating new relationships among your wedding guests at the dinner table. Here, we list and compare three options for seating assignments and unique considerations for building community.

PHOTOGRAPHY: AVENUE CREATIVE PHOTOGRAPHY

Open Seating

Open seating is open-ended. As guests enter your reception venue, they will have the freedom and flexibility to choose what table and chair they will sit at for the evening’s festivities. Will your guests have an opportunity to meet and mingle at a rehearsal dinner or social hour the day before your wedding? If many of your guests will make connections with new people prior to your wedding day, open seating provides former-strangers a chance to continue those organic relationships.  Perhaps your extended families live in the same town but have never met each other; this could be a beautiful invitation for new relationships that can begin and continue beyond your wedding day.

Open seating is the most budget-friendly option because it doesn’t require the purchase of a seating chart or place cards. You may consider providing more place settings than necessary in case guests choose to sit in small groups across several tables, rather than filling every chair at one table.

The most appropriate food service with open seating is a buffet, which parallels the flexibility and flow of the crowd through the reception.

Assigned Tables

Assigning tables can be fun to play with during your wedding planning as you create collisions between groups of people. Weddings bring together the old and the new, childhood friends and college friends, family and “friends who become family.” The reception is a chance for those worlds to mix in a way that strengthens your network of love and support for your new life as a married couple.

There are so many ways to approach assigned tables in order to quietly instigate new relationship among wedding guests: do the bride and groom’s childhood friends all sit at one table? Maybe it’s a chance for your childhood friends to spend time with your college friends. The options are endless, and the process is exciting.

Assigned Tables work well for a limited space because each table can be filled to its capacity. It provides both structure and flexibility for your guests. A large escort board can be placed near the entrance of the reception venue where your guests will see it and can note their table. Alternatively, you can create escort cards labeled with the guest’s name and table assignment, so they can find their table then claim their seat with the place card. If you prefer, couples or families that will sit together can be listed on the same escort card. This option requires a financial investment towards creating or purchasing the escort board or escort cards and table name signs, as well as a commitment to intentionally plan the table assignments.

Either a buffet or table service works well with assigned tables. Note that caterers may need to be aware of the tables with guests who have dietary restrictions.

Assigned Seats

Assigned seats are the most structured method for guiding your guests to a place at the reception. Both an escort board at the front of the venue and escort cards at the table are used to help guests find their way.

Similar to seating chart, assigned seats offer a more structured invitation for new relationships or dynamics among guests. If you plan to mix bride and groom’s guests at the same table, assigned seats can offer both diversity and structure for these encounters. Sometimes, assigned seats are helpful in creating a positive environment among guests who have a negative history by organizing people among the space.

Assigned seats are the best option for your reception if your guests select an entree and food will be delivered in courses. Name cards can be marked in a specific way to communicate dietary needs and/or entree selections to the catering staff.

Planning these parts of your wedding is not all about logistics and details. It is about building relationships and connections and bonds between you and your fiance by bridging your families and friends together.

True love is fruitful. The relationships that take root and grow beyond your wedding day is an irrefutable fruit from the celebration of love between you and your spouse.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by the options in planning a wedding, it may be helpful to work backwards. What kinds of words do you want your guests to use when they describe your wedding and reception? How do you want to remember the atmosphere at your celebration of marriage? Once you and your fiance determine a vision together, it may be easier to make decisions about the social environment for your big day.

Check out the way this Spoken Bride couple incorporated their favorite saints through table names.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. Stephanie’s perfect day would consist of a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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3 Tangible Ways to Include the Saints in Your Wedding Day

CLARA DAVISON

For as long as I can remember, saints and their stories have played a huge part in my spiritual life.

Photography: Jen Harkleroad Photography, seen in Emily + John | Classic Virginia Wedding

As a child, I loved learning about Saint Fransisco, Blessed Imelda, and other children who achieved holiness at a young age. In my teenage years, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, Saint Dominic Savio, and Blessed Chiara Badano began inspiring me. Learning about holy men and women who related to my current stage in life strengthened and encouraged me on my spiritual journey.

Once engaged, I began considering ways to incorporate the saints into my wedding. They have been alongside me through every part of my life, and I wanted to include them as I entered this vocation. Here, three ways I have seen the saints’ intercession incorporated in Catholic weddings:

Wedding bouquet medals

During my engagement, I asked friends and family to pray for us in the weeks leading up to the wedding. I may have tentatively suggested--or not so tentatively, as my siblings tell me--that they ask the intercession of specific saints on my husband’s and my behalf. I then invited my prayer warriors to bring a medal of their specific saint to the wedding and tie it onto my bouquet before I walked down the aisle.

I can’t tell you how touching it was to receive so many medals on my wedding day and to feel the weight of my bouquet carrying the symbols of many prayers. Since the bouquet was too large to preserve, it became especially significant to have those medals long after the flowers and greenery faded.

Stories of married saints

As I planned my wedding, I began seeking out saints who were called to the vocation of marriage: Saints Gianna Molla, Elizabeth Ann Seton, and Jane Frances de Chantal just scratch the surface of many amazing married women. I found it incredibly powerful to study the lives of Catholic wives who lived out their vocation with such holiness.

I also learned of many married couples who are both saints! While Joseph and Mary are the epitome of a holy marriage, there are a variety of others to learn from: Saints Louis and Zelie Martin, Joachim and Anne, and Blessed Charles of Austria and his wife, Servant of God Zita, are just a few from whom I drew inspiration. Learning about these holy relationships is a great way to reflect on your hopes for your own marriage.

Litany of the Saints

When picking Mass music, my friend chose the Litany of the Saints to be sung while grandparents, parents, and bridesmaids walked down the aisle. She and her fiancé were able to pick some of their favorite saints to include in the litany, making it particularly personal. While not a traditional piece for a wedding, I found it a beautiful testimony to watch the couple’s closest friends and family escorted down the aisle as their closest friends in Heaven were called on to intercede.

Our brothers and sisters in heaven are such a wonderful aspect of the Catholic faith. What are ways you have seen them included in weddings?

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About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in independent school advancement and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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Newlywed Life | 10 Ways to Feel Grounded in Your First Months of Marriage

SINIKKA ROHRER

You’ve walked down the aisle, finally united in Christ and ready to begin your life together. After your wedding day, however, there is no more premarital counseling or assigned mentors to help you navigate your first year of marriage.

If your experience is anything like mine, the newlywed season can feel isolating and confusing. Here, from my husband and I, 10 tips for the first months of your marriage, and beyond.

Photography: Soul Creations Photography, seen in Sarah + Brian | Country Chic Wedding

Set up household responsibilities.

It might seem obvious, but someone needs to do the dishes. If you don’t decide who will complete which chores, it’s likely they either won’t get done or will foster resentment. To bypass frustration, start fresh by setting up what works best for your daily routines--whether that’s you doing the laundry and dishes and your husband waxing the car and making dinner, or the other way around.

Create a family routine.

Consider when you’ll work out, have dinner, go to bed, and have some quiet time with the Lord, either alone or together. Your days now include another person, so establishing routines will not only make your house feel more like home, but give you a sense of community and unity.

Determine your family values.

When you wake up each morning, what three things do you prioritize no matter what your day will look like? My husband and I decided to write down our family values shortly after we were married to help keep us accountable to our priorities. Our three values are faith, family, and fun. Every year, we talk through how the year looked through the lens of each of our values.

Talk about your expectations.

To me, the most important virtue in a relationship is communication. From the most difficult circumstances to the easiest of days, communication is what will make or break a marriage. When you first start out on your journey together, you might find communication is hard and be tempted to not talk through frustrations you are feeling toward your spouse. But it’s during these exact times that it’s imperative to communicate, creating a foundation of honesty and unity.

During our newlywed days, my husband and I found that I expected he would be exactly like my dad, with dinner to be on the table every night at 5 PM. While I tried my hardest, it was almost impossible for me to do as a working wife. It was only after months of internalized pressure and silent anger that I learned my husband’s expectations were totally different than what my father had of my mother; it was only then that I could finally relax into what our relationship would truly be like.

Join a parish and, if possible, a couples’ ministry.

Marriage allows you to truly set foot into community together. That looks like finding a parish you can consistently attend and feel connected to. Consider also joining a married couple’s small group--or start one--and begin forming foundational relationships with other newlyweds and married couples. God willing, these friends can help and mentor you through the journey of married life.

Set boundaries with family.

The changes of marriage can be especially hard if you’re very close to your family members and highly regard their opinions. Scripture says a man will leave his family and become one with his spouse, and this is no less true for women. Instead of turning to your mother or sister during difficult times, as might’ve been your habit in the past, marriage marks a turning to your husband, and your family should be aware of that. To ensure no feelings are hurt, I recommend open conversation about boundaries with your family, such as where you’ll be spending the holidays and how often you’ll be calling your mom.

Explore intimacy together consistently.

During the beginning of marriage, physical intimacy may not come naturally or easily. You might even desire to not be intimate with your spouse after the wedding night if it was not initially a pleasant experience. While all relationships are different, the Lord has designed man and woman to be together in marriage, and intimacy is a critical part of your relationship with your spouse. With this in mind, my husband and I challenge you to continue learning, growing, and exploring intimacy together consistently in order to arrive at a place of comfort for both of you.

Open a joint bank account.

Marriage unites you not only spiritually, but practically--that includes finances. I recommend opening a joint bank account and start paying your bills. Money is one a hot-button topic when couples experience conflict, so I highly encourage you to start your marriage with setting a budget and identifying financial goals you can work toward together.

Invite your neighbors over for dinner.

The Lord has made marriage in the image of his love for the Church, which means your love is made to impact those around you. Boldly reach out to whomever your neighbor is in your new home, and invite him or her to dinner. Get to know those who live around you and become part of your community, so that you can be the hands and feet of Jesus, right where you live!

Volunteer together.

Make the effort to serve your church or community together. This is another way that as a married couple you’re able to be Jesus’ hands and feet and share the testimony of his love with others--so get out and volunteer together!

Your first year of marriage is a foundational time for you and your spouse. This means every day, every week, and every month that passes will include both moments of hardships and good growth in your relationship. We hope these tips offer you guidance as you navigate this sacred ground, and we wish you the best as you begin your journey to Christ together.

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About the Author: Sinikka Rohrer is a Christian wedding photographer and Spoken Bride vendor on mission to encourage brides with practical and spiritual encouragement on the way to the aisle. She is a lover of all things healthy, early morning spiritual reads, and anything outdoors.

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NFP = Nervous Family Planning? The Joys and Struggles.

KATE THIBODEAU

You’re newly engaged; glowing with happiness, showing off your glimmering left hand and so excited to start this new journey with your fiancé. You’ve met with your priest, set the date, and expect marriage preparation will be a wonderful experience. One in which you’ll grow as a couple on this adventure to heaven together. Everything sounds like the fairy tale you’d always dreamed of.

Photography: Her Witness Photography

You’re set to take your Natural Family Planning course, eager to prepare for becoming a responsible and pro-life Catholic family. You can totally tackle NFP! A mix of science, faith, and marital self-sacrifice: what could be a more simple, practical, and generous method in which to grow a fine and faithful Catholic family?

Those feelings and emotions are all good, beautiful, and true. NFP is an enormous gift to the families who desire to be prudent and selfless, cooperating with God to bring children into the world.

However, after taking my NFP course during engagement, and then after actually following it as a married woman, I found that the glamorous reports of success I’d heard took me by surprise. Instead,I found myself struggling--failing, even--to learn and practice it..

 Thanks to my mother, I grew up well aware of my body’s fertility signs and familiar with NFP since I was a little girl. When trying to learn it four months prior to my upcoming wedding, I started with typical complaints, particularly taking my temperature each morning at 6 A.M, even on days when I could have slept in. Early wakeups became a daily cross. I became aware of my  daily routines that needed to be changed. I quickly realized the inconveniences of this new, constant awareness of my own body and of sharing my findings with my husband.

Conversations before marriage about NFP don’t always illuminate the little mistakes and troubles found along the way: forgetting to take your temperature, inconsistencies rooted in  stress, an inability to understand your fertility symptoms and record them correctly, a lack of full understanding. I realized there was a myriad of ways in which I personally could fail in the practice, not just the idea, of NFP--ways I was unaware of in the past, when my knowledge was more limited.

I found myself disheartened, especially when listening to other couples tell me of their great successes. I felt like a failure for being unable to clearly read my fertility signs, and felt the weight of guilt when I opted to switch to a different method. I doubted my ability to enter into a self-giving marriage with my husband, where we would be responsible in the task given to us as future parents.

It took several months, a loving and supportive husband, and God’s severest of mercies on my beginner’s errors to find peace in my mostly complicated relationship with the amazing gift of Natural Family Planning. Here are my takeaways, from much trial and error:

Be patient with yourself!

NFP is not supposed to a one time victory, but many monthly victories that allow you to know your body and your spouse better with each cycle. Don’t allow stress or fear of failure to dampen your resolve. I found the stress of learning NFP greatly affected my fertility, which made it all the more difficult to track. Had I more patience and forgiveness with myself, my learning curve might have been more even-keeled.

Comparison is the greatest fiend of self confidence, and I found it took a toll on my process.

I was too busy shaming myself for my struggles and comparing them with my peers’ successes to see the benefits of NFP. The method you choose and your discernment is dependent on you, your spouse, and God. Ask--and trust in--Christ to guide  your instincts.

Every woman’s body is different, just as every couple expresses love in different ways. Allow your couple friends to empower and encourage you in your quest, but do not succumb to self-doubt from comparison. I found sharing in vulnerability allowed me to see how pointless my tendency to compare really was. 

NFP is ultimately a blessing and a sacrifice.

NFP is truly a fruitful way to work with God and your spouse to determine when you are called to bring forth children. It is difficult in practice, but its fruits include a more valued intimacy and understanding with my husband, a sacrificial death to desire, and a dependence on God’s timing. We are grateful for the work and frustration, as well as the unity we have found through this journey together. We’ve been able to love each other better, knowing we’re in support of God’s will for our future family.

 I’ll continue to sing the praises of NFP even in my vulnerability and perceived failures. To all brides who are struggling, know you are not alone!

 Have patience with yourself, seek out support, and ultimately trust in God’s mercy. Natural Family Planning should not be a cause for anxiety or stress concerning perfection, but a gift to you and your husband as holy and responsible parents. You--with God--have got this!

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About the Author: Recently married to her best friend and partner towards salvation, Kate Thibodeau is learning how to best serve her vocation as a wife while using her God-given talents. With an English degree from Benedictine College, she strives to live in the Benedictine motto: that in all things, God may be glorified. Kate loves literature, romance, beautiful music, pretty things, wedding planning, and building a community of strong Catholic women.

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5 Tips for a Meaningful and Cinematic Catholic Wedding Video

LAURA KUAH

Each day from January 13-20, Spoken Bride's distinctively Catholic wedding vendors will be featured through Instagram takeovers and written contributions on the blog.

Are you recently engaged? We invite you to learn more about the gifted wedding industry professionals who partner with us through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide.

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In his 1999 Letter to Artists, St. John Paul II writes, "Artists of the world, may your many different paths lead to that Ocean of beauty, where wonder becomes awe, exhilaration and unspeakable joy..." for “beauty is a key to the mystery and a call to transcendence. It is an invitation to savor life and to dream of the future.”

Photography: LAURENTINA PHOTOGRAPHY

Art, in any form, has the ability to add value to our lives. Our lives, in any vocation, comprise an intricate weaving of finding, creating and preserving beauty, which can save the world.

Videography is a unique, creative, and powerful way to capture the significant words, sounds, and movements of your wedding. Beyond cherishing your video in your own home, modern wedding videography can serve as a beautiful testimony of your faith journey and love story.

The role of a Catholic wedding videographer is to not only help document the most important day of your life, but to also create a film that captures the essence of your love for each other and Christ. The beauty of the sacrament of matrimony is most effectively captured when it is preserved in still images, sound and motion. Your wedding day will pass in the blink of an eye, and reflecting on video can reignite the emotion of the wedding day in a unique and powerful way.

A carefully curated video captures the big movements, as well as the little moments, throughout the day. From my videography and photography experience in the wedding industry, I offer five matters to discuss with your videographer for a meaningful, cinematic Catholic wedding video.

Letters & gifts

Many couples choose to share a sentimental letter and gift with their spouse on their wedding day. This usually takes place when the bridal parties are getting ready before the Mass. Wedding videographers often use this opportunity to include a voiceover and to capture the candid reaction of the gift recipient, adding an intimate touch to the final video.

Prayer

Maybe it's your bridesmaids getting together to pray over you after your dress reveal, praying with your parents in the rectory, or doing a "first touch" to hold hands and pray with your fiancé before walking down the aisle. Whichever prayer you decide to include on your wedding day, schedule these events and determine whether you’d like these moments to be private or recorded for your wedding film.

Tripods during the Mass

Each parish may have different guidelines for videography. I recommend that the bride, groom, priest, and videographer have a conversation about how to best collaborate for the wedding ceremony. I like to visit the church ahead of time to see the space and to speak with the priest about my intentions, so I can best respect both the liturgy and the couple.

For non-Catholic videographers, the restrictions at many parishes can be unfamiliar and challenging to navigate. Most of the time, the priests and wedding coordinator at the parish will happily work with you and your videographer to discuss creative, respectful ways to film the Mass. Consider how multiple tripods in varying areas of the church can capture different angles and perspectives. The primary intention of video at the nuptial Mass is to capture the liturgy and the couple’s encounter with Christ.

Collaboration with other vendors

When you hire a videographer, it is helpful to connect them with your other wedding vendors. When vendors can coordinate their timeline and discuss shooting styles or other important details, they can work together to minimize distractions on the big day. If the photographer and videographer come from different teams, it is important that they plan and work in harmony with a spirit of community, rather than competing for the best shot. Your introducing them to one another facilitates the best outcomes for collaboration.

Audio & music

The audio and music soundtrack will be added to your video during the editing process. For spoken audio, many videographers use wireless microphones—this will also need to be discussed with your priest, so he can plan to wear a small microphone in his cassock during the ceremony. You can have a dreamy wedding video, but if the audio is off, the whole video can fall apart.

Bear in mind many videographers are not able to use popular music due to licensing restrictions. There are plenty of romantic, cinematic instrumental songs your videographer can choose to showcase the mood of your wedding. If there is a song or genre you prefer, speak to your videographer about using original music. And remember our Church’s rich tradition of liturgical music is an amazing accompaniment for video!

With a coordinated plan and strong communication between the bride, groom, priest, and vendors, your wedding day can be preserved in a way that captures the essence of your love for each other, cultivates your devotion to Christ and the beauty of the faith, and elicits strong emotion for years to come.

I encourage you to prayerfully consider the suggestions above when working with your Catholic wedding videographer. I wish you joy, peace and patience as you prepare for this sacred sacrament of marriage!

Recently engaged? Consider including a "How We Met" engagement video during your engagement photography session! If you desire to share your story, a video is a creative and fun way to invite others to witness your relationship and journey towards holiness.

VIDEOGRAPHY: LAURENTINA PHOTOGRAPHY

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About the Author: Laura Kuah is a wedding photographer + videographer and owner of Laurentina Photography, Spoken Bride Vendor, and Catholic convert from the Washington, D.C. area. She was introduced to the Catholic faith during a semester abroad in Orvieto, Italy while living with Italian Catholic Sisters. When she is not behind the camera, Laura enjoys being outdoors, visiting art museums, growing succulents and playing with her sweet tabby cat, Gioia.

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Pursuing Wedding Day Perfection with Humility

EVAN KRISTIANSEN

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast on 11/3/2020.

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Each day from January 13-20, Spoken Bride's distinctively Catholic wedding vendors will be featured through Instagram takeovers and contributions on the blog.

Are you recently engaged? We invite you to learn more about the gifted wedding industry professionals who partner with us through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide.

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While I was at Mass recently, I was reminded why Jesus says of children, "The kingdom of God belongs to such as these" (Luke 18:16).

PHOTOGRAPHY: EVAN KRISTIANSEN PHOTOGRAPHY

Next to me, my three-year-old niece was reading a children's missal and following along during the liturgy. When we reached the consecration, the missal described it as the point of the Mass where "the real Jesus" appears.

My niece started looking intently around the church. I glanced over at her, sitting on my mother's lap, and watched her eyes slowly fill with tears. I asked what was wrong, and she explained that she "could't find him. Where's the real Jesus?" She burst into tears, burying her face in my mother's shoulder.

My niece had such a desire to meet Jesus in person that she broke down when she couldn’t find him.

As my mother was comforting her, probably trying to think of a way to explain the mystery of the Real Presence to a three-year-old, I reflected on my own posture toward the Eucharist, the “source and summit of the Christian life.” (CCC 1324)

The Eucharist, truly God in body, blood, soul, and divinity, is available seven days a week at my local Catholic parish. When was the last time I wept with childlike longing because I couldn't receive? When was the last time I chose to commit a sin, knowing full well that it would interfere in my relationship with the Lord?

I think that couples preparing for marriage should regularly do a similar reflection. It can be so easy to get distracted by details during wedding planning that couples forget to ask, “what is this day about?” and “who is this day for?”

It might not seem like the best place to begin planning a wedding, or even thinking about marriage, but a thorough examination of your motivations and your personal failings will ultimately help you grow toward a more Christian relationship, a more relaxed attitude toward your wedding, and a better and holier life.

So, let's humble ourselves, shall we? There are three things that are important keep in mind when planning the “perfect wedding:”

You are not perfect, and neither is your future spouse.

"For there is no distinction, all have sinned and are deprived of the glory of God" (Romans 3:22-23).

Besides Jesus and Mary (“Our tainted nature’s solitary boast”), there have been no perfect people. You and your partner are likely (though we strive against it with all our hearts) to commit sins in the time that you are together--worse, the two of you are likely to commit sins that directly affect your relationship.

You are right to expect your future spouse to be striving for the perfection of virtue, just as you should be, but keep in mind the verse above: all have sinned.  

The “Good News” is that Christ has provided us with the answer to these struggles: himself. He, being the truly perfect spouse of the Church, humbled himself and hung on the cross for our sins. Shown in this amazing act of ultimate love, he greatly desires your conversion of heart.

Have you accepted this truth, and gone to confession recently? Make plans with your future spouse to go together, and definitely before your wedding! Jesus gave the apostles the ability to bind and loose sins (Matthew 16:19), and the priest at your local parish has this same faculty, inherited by merit of his ordination. Our contrition can be expressed to that priest, acting in the person of Christ, and through genuine repentance we can be given absolution for any sin, big or small.

That we can be confident in God’s forgiveness through the sacramental ministry of the Church, is one of the most beautiful things about our Catholic faith! Furthermore, you can view going to confession as a powerful step toward a holier, healthier, and happier relationship with your beloved.

With a little bit of humility about our own imperfections and a repentant confession, our sins are washed away and our souls made clean. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?

It is important to strive to do for your future spouse what Christ does for us. Forgive your partner when they've done wrong, even if they don't “deserve it.” *

However, I have found that it is  easier to see imperfections in others than in ourselves. Stephen Covey, in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, says "We [then] judge ourselves by our motives—and others by their behavior." Ask first if your partner’s actions can be seen in another light, or recognize that they may not be motivated by malicious intent at all.

Then examine yourself and ask when you last failed to live up to the call God had planned for you. Act from that place of humility, rather than on your first instincts.

Remember to ask forgiveness for the wrongs that you have done them. Make the first move, in love, and you may resolve conflicts much more quickly. If you make this pattern of humility a regular exercise, you will see the fruits of Christ's mercy in your relationship.

Your wedding won't be perfect, either.

"When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, 'they have no wine.'" (John 2:3)

Being a wedding photographer can be a surprisingly intimate experience. I am hired to capture details of someone's life that they often don't share with others. The privilege of listening in on earnest prayers, capturing tears of joy and happiness, and witnessing the unification of two lives is an honor I receive with great gratitude.

When I take photos, I try to capture the feeling of the day as the couple experiences it. Bright colors, white dresses, beautiful decorations, and smiling faces are all mainstays of wedding photography. But as with many forms of media, it is easy to get the impression that these perfect images mean a picture-perfect day.

Ask any of your married friends about their wedding, and they will tell you (usually after gushing, "It was wonderful!") all about the myriad of small mistakes that were made during planning, at the rehearsal, and even on the big day.

In six years as a wedding photographer, I have never seen a perfectly executed wedding. I have seen mistakes and "imperfections" ranging from the very small (processing down the aisle in the wrong order) to the very large (a church so hot that the mother of the groom was hospitalized).

There will be mistakes made at your wedding, and no amount of planning may stop them from happening. But if the event isn't perfect, then what unifies the couples that genuinely enjoy their day?

In my experience, these couples are those that see their wedding for what it is: an imperfect event planned by imperfect people crowned with a supernatural reality.

A couple can be married in front of a crowd of five people just as validly as a crowd of five hundred; they can be married for no money just as easily and completely as they can in a wedding that costs a small fortune; they will still be married if their tablecloths aren't the right color, or if that one relative makes a bit of a fuss.

I say these things to free engaged couples from unnecessary worry, not to make them paranoid. If you know, as I do, that an absolutely perfect wedding isn't possible, I hope it allows you to relax and remember the purpose of the day: getting married to your bride or groom. Everything else is ancillary.

With this in mind, I advise my couples to schedule ten minutes together after the ceremony without the photographer, wedding planner, mother-in-law, or any guests. The goal is to take in the reality that you are married. Kiss each other, pray together, and then face the rest of your wedding day knowing that whatever else happens, you are now one flesh!

No mistake of planning, no social faux pas, and no guest falling face first into your wedding cake will change that reality. See this as an opportunity for humility. Give this special day to your spouse, to your families, and to God. Be confident that, whatever else may happen, God has already accomplished the work of the day.

And so, acknowledging all this human imperfection, what is the proper response?

The response to our imperfection: Humility.

"Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." (Exodus 3:5)

Humility. But is it really that easy? To let all material worries go, and achieve the elusive "perfect joy" of St. Francis? No, it is not, but relinquishing control to God is a huge first step. It is a step to eventually embracing humility as a permanent feature of your life.

If pride is the source of all sin, and humility is the virtue that directly combats pride, then embracing humility is a sure route to fighting sin in your relationships with your beloved and with God.

Humility thinks first of what your partner needs instead of what you want. Even when their actions are wrongly ordered, humility means forgiving your spouse as you have been forgiven by God.* Humility means holding yourself to a higher standard before encouraging your beloved to do the same. Finally, humility means allowing yourself to be forgiven, both by God and your future spouse, so that you can move past your failings and “live in the truth [of humility]” as Teresa of Avila says.

So, let us live in the truth, and humble ourselves before God.

Place all of the logistics at the feet of the Lord, enjoy your wedding as it is, and you'll find that the day is made perfect by God present in your union, even without all the perfect trappings.

Oh, and that planning detail you’re currently fretting over? Forget it. I give you permission!

*In each place where this asterisk appears, the following is a necessary inclusion: The mandate to forgive one another is universal, but there is no such mandate to stay in abusive (physically or emotionally) or dangerous (spiritually or physically) relationships. Please discuss these kinds of issues with friends, family, your priest, a therapist, and/or law enforcement personnel.

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About the Author: Evan shoots timeless photography and serves the Boston and New England areas. He is available for travel and specializes in Catholic clients. Born in Norway, Evan has 15 years' experience, including six years' worth of shooting weddings. With a great hope in sacramental marriage, he sees love as "making a complete and unreserved gift of yourself to the other."

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A Photographer's Encouragement for Engagement

SINIKKA ROHRER

Each day from January 13-20, Spoken Bride's distinctively Catholic wedding vendors will be featured through Instagram takeovers and written contributions on the blog.

Are you recently engaged? We invite you to learn more about the gifted wedding industry professionals who partner with us through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide.

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When he asked me to marry him, I started crying tears of excitement. I was ready to be united with the love of my life and believed that nothing could stand in the way. Little did I know that nine months of marriage preparation, wedding planning, and managing family expectations would present a journey of challenges before we could walk down the aisle.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SOUL CREATIONS PHOTOGRAPHY

Although wedding planning was one of the most materialistic and difficult times in my life, I chose to enter the wedding industry to bless couples as their photographer and as a source of encouragement. We offer both beautiful images and positive support; we remind couples to embrace the hustle and bustle of wedding planning tasks by slowing down and enjoying engagement.

Your time as an engaged couple can seem extremely long and difficult due to a multitude of new situations, pressures, and circumstances. But there are many reasons why it's one of the most formative times in your marriage. As a bride and a photographer, I have journeyed through many engagements with couples. I pray that my perspective may help you experience your season of waiting with intention and a grateful heart.

Engagement is a precious time when you are able to communicate, discern points of conflict, and problem-solve prior to married intimacy.

It's during this time you are making some of the biggest foundational decisions in your relationship, like where you will live, where you will work, and how you will celebrate the holidays. Take time to dive into every conversation and seriously begin working through obstacles as you prepare for marriage.

Engagement gives you the ability to slowly unite as one.

In other words, engagement offers a buffer of time to release old, selfish habits and to develop new routines for new life circumstances. Marriage is a vocation that immediately strips you of the ability to be selfish; engagement is a time to prepare your mind, body, and spirit for that kind of sacrificial love. It is important to consider how daily routines and household responsibilities will change after your wedding.

Engagement allows you time to focus on Christ.

It is this time of waiting that gives you space to communicate about your faith and pray together. Use this time to create a vision for a shared spiritual life and goals for your new family’s foundation of values.

Engagement can be a challenging time to balance physical temptation, external pressures, emotional distress, and deadlines for key wedding planning decisions. But this time won't last forever.

Years from now you will look back on this season and it will be a small dot on the timeline of your marriage. With this in mind, utilize this season to its fullest by discerning issues, growing in selflessness, and focusing on Christ. After taking this time to build your foundation, you may even find the first year of your marriage will be easier than you expect!

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About the Author: Sinikka Rohrer is the founder of Soul Creations Photography. She is a go-getter and dream-chaser who loves to serve others well. She loves all things healthy and early morning spiritual reads. Most days you can find her walking hand in hand beside the love of her life, Alan, with their baby John David in her arms. On any given day, you'll find them taking hikes and planning vacations out West.

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3 Questions to Ask Before Choosing a Wedding Date

JULIANA TOMLINSON

Each day from January 13-20, Spoken Bride's distinctively Catholic wedding vendors will be featured through Instagram takeovers and written contributions on the blog.

Are you recently engaged? We invite you to learn more about the gifted wedding industry professionals who partner with us through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide.

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You are engaged, showing off your ring, celebrating with family and friends, and it quickly becomes time to answer your first big wedding planning question: when will we get married?

PHOTOGRAPHY: JULIANA TOMLINSON PHOTOGRAPHY

Some couples decide to get married quickly, while others take a year (or more) to say I do. There is no rule about how long you should be engaged--no right or wrong. There is only right or wrong for you.

So how long should you wait from the day you say yes until the day you say I do? I offer three considerations to answer this question.

Do we have a budget?

If the Lord has placed the desire in your heart to get married--and soon--do not be afraid because you don’t have the money. The most important thing is receiving the sacrament. Whether you find vendors that will work with your budget, plan a DIY event, or enlist the help of friends and family members, answer the call from the Lord. As a photographer, I can assure you there are wedding vendors with any budget range.

Many couples prefer to save money before jumping right into planning their special day. Again, there’s no right and wrong, but I want to remind you that preparing to get married and to receive the holy sacrament of matrimony is more important than planning your wedding. Take time to discern spiritual and logistical goals for your engagement with your fiancé, then determine a budget and timeline that supports those goals.

Is our foundation solid?

Maybe you are afraid to answer this question because you love your fiancé so much, you know you want to spend forever with him or her, but you are also aware that you need to build a strong foundation first. If this is true, don’t feel pressured to schedule your date just yet. Take time to go to adoration together, pray, talk to your priest and ask him to guide you through this season until you are ready.

There is nothing wrong with waiting if the Lord is asking you to prepare.

For me, this is the most important question couples should honestly answer. Without a foundation, a stable house can not be built. And if one decides to go ahead and build without laying the foundation first, it is very likely that the house won’t stand for long.

Have we asked the Lord?

This may seem obvious, but taking important decisions to prayer with the Lord is so important. He cares for us so much, and he is the one who has called you into this beautiful vocation. Rest assured he has the answer.

Spend some time with our Lord, do a novena with your fiancé, and quietly pray together. Let our heavenly Father guide you. He will answer and let you know how much time you need for your engagement . Perhaps some detail you desire at your wedding is only available at a certain time of year, for example. Trust the ways he shows you his perfect plan. Trust the moments when you are filled with peace.

Beyond conversations and discernment with your fiancé ,our Church is rich in resources to help engaged couples prepare for marriage. Pre-Cana retreats or marriage preparation classes help to build a foundation and resources though your archdiocese, parish, mentors, and other Catholic organizations support your preparation for marriage.

Do not be afraid as you run toward the sacraments and the teachings of the Church in your preparations to become one as husband and wife!

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About the Author: Juliana Tomlinson is a Catholic Wedding Photographer from Brazil who lives with her Husband Greg, her miracle baby boy Theo and fur baby, Arthur, in Lancaster, PA.

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