Newlywed Life | Creating a Prayer Space in Your Home

In one of his many homilies on marriage, Saint Josemaria Escriva wrote, “Every Christian home should be a place of peace and serenity. In spite of the small frustrations of daily life, an atmosphere of profound and sincere affection should reign there together with a deep-rooted calm, which is the result of authentic faith that is put into practice.”

Photography: Meaghan Clare Photography, seen in Elise's Wedding | Our Favorite Marriage Prep Resources

Even the most mundane daily practices, like brushing your teeth together, feel infused with newness and promise during the first months of married life. In these small matters, as well as larger ones, foundational habits and routines are formed. Because it’s such a formational period, the start of your marriage is both an easy and exciting time to choose habits that facilitate a shared prayer routine.

An oratory is a place of worship not attached to a parish. Oratories are often inhabited by religious orders, but it’s not just our brothers and sisters in religious life who have the opportunity to formally worship in this way. The Catechism of the Catholic Church recommends creating a corner for contemplation and worship in the home, a space for a “little oratory” in family life.

Whether or not your first home has room to accommodate an entire corner for prayer, the effort of designating a space for contemplation--alone and with your spouse--pays dividends in beauty and consistency in your prayer life. Here, four tips for designing and enjoying a prayer space in your home.

Choose a space.

At minimum, one to two chairs and a small table are effective starting materials for a prayer space. If your space is more limited than a corner of your living room allows, incorporating your religious items and prayer materials into a vignette on your coffee table or choosing a seated spot (even the kitchen table) in view of a crucifix or piece of religious art are worthy alternatives.

Set the scene.

Beauty inspires worship and reverence, drawing our attention out of the everyday and toward the sacred. Fill your space with a crucifix, images or icons of the saints, religious statues, a candle, and flowers or greenery.

Store your prayer resources close at hand.

Make use of a nearby drawer, basket, shelf, or table to stash or display the items you use for prayer: journals, Rosaries, spiritual reading, musical instruments, and/or devotionals.

Create a routine.

Choose a time of day, perhaps over coffee in the morning or before beginning your evening leisure activities, to be with your spouse in your prayer space. You might pray individually in silence, do a decade or more of the Rosary together, read spiritual books together or on your own for a designated time, or pray spontaneously and aloud.

Remember that establishing a prayer routine that feels comfortable, fruitful, and well-suited to your lifestyle and personalities can take time, and that’s alright! Learning the subtleties of your spouse’s spirituality is a beautiful fruit of a holy relationship, one that never reaches a point of perfect clarity this side of heaven--it’s in the learning, and the constant unveiling of who you are, before the Lord, that joy resides.

And if you aren’t a newlywed, but have been married for longer yet have never incorporated a prayer space into your routine, it’s never inopportune to begin. We love hearing about your prayer rituals with your husband and the ways you invite the Father into your home. Be sure to share about your prayer spaces and routines in the comments and on our social media!

Readers Share | Favorite Stress Relievers and Self-Care

Like the sacrament of marriage itself, we intend for this ministry to be lived in communion. We are wildly grateful, with all glory to God, for every story, comment, and prayer intention you entrust to us that makes that possible. Thank you.

Knowing engagement is a whirlwind, no matter how long or short, and that life's busyness doesn't cease after your wedding day, taking time to be still and intentional is life-giving. We recently asked our social media followers to share with us their favorite forms of self-care and relaxation. Here’s what you had to say.

Floral design. - Kathleen

A jog or massage. - Laura

Diffusing lavender and bergamot essential oils and drinking herbal tea. - Sarah, @everymomentloving

Baths with candles, wine, and face masks. - @dreheiny

Belly dancing. - Steph

Long baths, taking my supplements, attending counseling, pleasure reading, watercolor painting, getting a therapeutic massage, or a coffee date with a close friend. - Andrea

I enjoy getting my nails done and watching TV. - Juliana

A mud mask and glass of wine. - Katie

I love to do art when I’m stressed! I find that my most inspirational times are early morning hours, though!- Isabella, @gracetothehumble

A bath and a good cry. - Thea

I always enjoy a relaxing bath with a fragrant epsom salt. It’s very soothing and calming and the perfect way to unwind after a long day. - Danielle, @danielleduet

A nap. - Regina

I love doing DIY spa nights with my girls--that includes face masks, nails, eyebrows, and a glass of wine. And spending some one on one time with Our Lady reminds me to always imitate her as best I can. - Maria, @mariamirandah

A massage from my husband. - Grace

Netflix and wine! - Amy

No matter how busy, know you aren’t alone on your journey to the altar, and beyond. Share your favorite form of self-care in the comments and on our social media, and don’t hesitate to reach out to us with your prayer intentions or for resources to manage stress.

Christina + Ben | Candlelight Ballroom Wedding

Christina and Ben met during their freshman orientation at Creighton University and later became study pals for their Theology 101 course. They were good friends, and just friends. Or so Christina thought.

Immediately after Christmas break, Ben asked her out. She said yes. Their first date was to dinner in downtown Omaha...at 11 P.M., due to a delayed drumline practice. On Valentine’s Day they kissed, and became an official couple soon after.

From the Bride: Faith had always been important to us individually, but it became part of who we are as a couple during our sophomore year. We began praying and reflecting on the daily Mass readings each morning over breakfast in the cafeteria. These studies eventually led us to the Theology of the Body, which became a huge milestone in the deepening of our relationship.

As we grew closer, I began to question my decision to seriously date Ben, who was not Catholic. I finally concluded I would rather have someone with a strong, truly convicted faith than someone with a faith so flimsy he would convert to Catholicism to make me happy. Ben did, however, enter the Church later after his own spiritual journey.

Senior year was filled with hard work and more than a little trepidation. Ben was applying to medical school, and I was applying for international fellowship programs. So many nights were spent editing essays and applications. We didn’t talk much about our concrete plans after school, as so much was dependent on location: would we stay together if I was overseas and Ben was in the states? How would our respective careers shape our relationship?

Luckily, I didn’t make the cut for the international fellowships I’d applied for; proof that disappointments are all part of God’s plan.

Ben proposed five days before graduation, the outdoors gli stening from a fresh rain, with a ring he designed with a local jeweler.

We hired a former newspaper photographer and couldn’t be happier with our decision. Our wedding photos look different from most, and we like that. He did an excellent job capturing the energy and emotion of the day, without taking us away from the moments at hand.

My gown was handmade by my great-grandma, for my grandmother and her sister. My mom and her sister wore it, and I had the honor of doing the same. I decided to cut my cathedral-length veil (not an antique) after the ceremony was over--it was a smart choice for me. You only get to wear a veil once in your life, so I figured I might as well wear it as long as I could!

I bought my jewelry on Etsy the week before the wedding. Both pieces were vintage, from the 1930s and 40s. Our wedding bands were a gift from my grandparents, both of whom passed away when I was young. My mom, aunt, and bridesmaids made bouquets and corsages using flowers from Sam’s Club.

When we arrived at the church, there was scaffolding everywhere--no one had told us about the summer-long construction project! Music is so important to us, especially to Ben, and the songs for the liturgy included “Nearer My God to Thee” and “Love Divine All Loves Excelling,” accompanied by a beautiful organist and trumpeter.

We spent significant time choosing the Mass readings--Isaiah 43:1-3a, Psalm 128, Ephesians 5:2, 21-33, and Matthew 10:5a, 8-16--and writing our own petitions. It was incredibly special to share with our loved ones the words that spoke to us.

Our priest, Fr. Appel, gave the most beautiful homily. He spoke of the roots of the word "marriage," coming from the idea of “throwing your lot in” with another; in other words, taking a gamble. He explained that marriage is not intended for those who plan their entire future or have set expectations. Marriage is saying yes to the risk of committing your entire life to another.

Nearly every bride says her wedding day goes too fast; that she blinks and it’s over. We didn’t feel that way, and I credit it a single decision: to eat dinner by ourselves. Ben and I escaped to a side room during the cocktail hour to a side room and spent twenty minutes as just the two of us. Instead of running around, this time slowed us down and re-centered our focus: we had just gotten married! In the quiet, we were able to reflect on and celebrate what had just taken place.

Our reception venue was a beautiful club established in the 1800s, with wood paneling, antique lighting, a ballroom, and even an old-style bowling alley. We enjoyed having multiple spaces for hosting. The cocktail hour was held on the main floor of the building, where a wraparound porch overlooks an expansive front lawn prepared with tables, drinks, and yard games. Dinner and dancing were held upstairs in the ballroom, featuring chandeliers, wood floors, and a balcony. The movement was a key factor in the atmosphere--we wanted to transition our guests between relaxed socializing for cocktails, intimate dinner party vibes for dinner, and lively dancing for the rest of the night.

For reception décor, we sent our families on a mission to buy as many candles as possible. The room was aglow with over 800 candles in crystal holders Ben’s dad has collected over the years. My mom sewed all 88 yards of the table runners we used.

There were so many happy tears on our wedding day, particularly when my dad asked to cut our first dance short because he just couldn’t take it anymore! We danced to the lullaby he sung my sister and I every night before bed.

All of the speeches were beautiful, but my dad’s especially. He brought out the 2x4 board my family had used to measure our heights as children. He got out the measuring book and pencil, and measured Ben on our childhood memory, making him officially a part of the family. He also prepared the back of the board for the next generation of grandkids.

Ben and I both use one word when describing our wedding day: humbled. Humbled by the help our family and friends gave so readily in the months beforehand. Humbled by all our loved ones who came to celebrate with and show their love for us. And humbled by the blessing that is a lifelong union with each other and with Christ.

Photography: Mike Burley Photography | Church: St. Paul the Apostle Catholic Church, Davenport, IA | Wedding Reception Venue : The Outing Club, Davenport, IA | Rings: Doland Jewelers, Borsheims | Flowers: Sam’s Club | Invitations/Stationary: Designed by bride, Printing | Brides dress and veil: Handmade | Jewelry: Terry O’s, FemByDesign | Groom’s and Groomsmen’s Attire: Men’s Warehouse | The Tie Bar https://www.thetiebar.com/ | Hairstylist: Annette Johnson | Rentals: Century Car and Van Rental, Triple A Rentals

The Sophia Series | Jessi

We invite our longtime married readers to share the experiences that have marked, refined, and anointed their marriages; months and years that, by grace, transform the mundane, the bitter, and the incomprehensible into the fruits of holy wisdom. A purification and a clear vision for the path to heaven that lies ahead. The Sophia Series.

Jessi Caruthers, married since 2011, discovered the sorrow that unexpectedly lay beneath the thought of openness to life. And through the grace of her marriage, she learned to sit within that sorrow and find its redemption.

Photography: MD Turner Photography

It was on our first real date that my future husband told me there was a good chance he would never be able to parent children. We were sitting in this overpriced little Italian restaurant before going to an awful opera where Tim held my hand for the first time. We had known each other for a couple of years, and I knew he was a childhood cancer survivor. Before we began any sort of serious relationship, he wanted me to know that the treatment which, by the grace of God and modern medicine, saved his life, had the possible--even likely--side effect of causing infertility.

I thought very little of infertility that night. I was too busy worrying about what to do with my hands and if there was something in my teeth.

A little less than a year later on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, on a shared kneeler in our beautiful parish, Tim asked me to marry him. I said yes. Six months later, we were married in that same beautiful church. We vowed openly to accept children as gifts from God. We were also vowing to accept that our marriage would not be given that gift; at least not in the normal way.

While it is true that from the very beginning of our relationship I understood we were unlikely to conceive children, somehow I didn't really think that would be our cross.

We are good people. We would be good parents, I thought. Surely, God does not want us to be childless.

Doctors were pretty hopeful, too, since there were no other indications of underlying problems. So, we hoped.

We were eager to start our family when we married. I drove myself and my dear husband a little crazy each month when the signs I thought pointed to pregnancy actually pointed to quite the opposite. I was a wreck. I cried a lot. What made it worse was that I knew Tim felt responsible. After a year, Tim convinced me we should seek a diagnosis or prognosis to determine whether there was any hope of conception. Over the phone, we received the medical answer: zero chance. No clarification was needed. No explanation was given, just "not going to happen."

Once one has a ring on her finger, everyone from her hairdresser to her aunt, the nice lady who sits in front of her at mass, even her social media ads start wondering when the children will start coming. If it has been a couple years, some ask. Others simply assume that perhaps a couple isn’t really open to life.

Infertility is invisible and so isolating.

I remember sitting in the choir loft of our parish, looking down on all the women who stood for the priest's blessing, on the first Mother's Day after we found out with some certainty that we wouldn't have children. Sitting there, looking down, I wept bitterly. I was angry with God and I was angry with myself. Children are gifts from God--truly "the supreme gift of marriage"--but one that I would not have and that, I knew, was not owed to me. How dare I be angry with God for withholding a gift I don't deserve?

So, in shame and fear I hid myself from my husband, from my friends, and from my Creator. It was precisely in my desire for children that I neglected my vow to give myself totally and freely to my husband. Instead of leaning into my marriage by leaning on my husband; instead of leaning into my faith by embracing our cross; instead of allowing my friends to share my burden, I hid myself in work and pity. I busied myself, but I stopped praying. I felt all the feelings, and I tried to feel them alone. And at that I failed.

Photography: MD Turner Photography

During one of our monthly confession dates, a priest told me that in withholding this darkness from my husband I was failing him as a wife. I was not allowing him to be what he vowed to me: to be my husband, my rock, "in sickness and in health." It was a valuable lesson, a lesson that is unique to every marriage, but one I have realized all marriages need to learn in some way. For it is precisely in the hard things that we learn to love.

What we’ve learned is that marital love is a total and complete gift of self. And sometimes the gift of self that you would like to give--that gift of the self that has it together and is in control--is not the one you are able to give. Christ emptied himself on the cross. We are called in marriage to empty ourselves to our spouse, trusting that they will not leave us empty. That is precisely the icon of God's love that is found in marriage.

So, I became vulnerable before my husband. In allowing myself to be vulnerable, I allowed my husband to be who he vowed to be to me. And I allowed my husband to bring me back to trust in God.

I would not wish infertility on anyone. But as with any suffering, there are things to be learned and graces to be gained that could not be learned or received without that suffering.

I learned why the Church teaches children are the supreme gift and fruit of marital love. From an abstract, theological perspective, I understood, but it wasn't until it was suggested to me to get a sperm donor that I really got it. "You can even get a family member if biology is important to you," someone said.

I realized viscerally what I had only understood intellectually before that day: that I didn't just want to be pregnant and to have children. I longed for children precisely as an outpouring of our love. I wanted children that had my husband's nose and my eyes. Not for stupid aesthetic reasons, but because it is precisely out of that kind of love that children are gifts, and that children deserve to be born out of that love.

We might have been able to "fix" my not being able to be pregnant and my desire to have children, but it would have been without the only man I wanted to be their father. This is why only couples, not individuals, are infertile. My husband's cancer and his diagnosis might be the reason for our infertility--but precisely because we are married, if he is infertile then so am I.

I also learned to allow myself and others to grieve. I felt that because I hadn't lost a child, and we aren't owed a child by God, we had no right to grieve. We have this desire (especially Americans, I think) to fix people rather than embrace their sufferings. Suffering is uncomfortable, and we want to get over it as soon as possible.

When my husband and  told others about our infertility we were often told that it was God's will--as if taking away the right to be sad; if it is God's will then I should just surrender to it and even be happy about it. Even more often, we were given the ubiquitous advice that "you can always adopt". But adoption is not a replacement for fertility. And despite the myth, it doesn't cure it, either.

In Catholic theology we learn we are called to beget children as the gift and outpouring of marriage, but both in infertility and adoption, something has gone wrong. If we allowed ourselves and each other to grieve the fact that we would not have children by nature, that I would never feel the kick of a child in my womb, that Tim would never have children that look like him, we would be treating the children we adopt as replacements rather than the unique and unrepeatable individuals they are.

Infertility also taught us about grace. In the Easter Vigil liturgy we hear the proclamation "O Happy Fault that merited such and so great a redeemer!" It is precisely in our brokenness that God is able to fulfill us and to bring about an even greater good than we could have expected.

We are his children by adoption. It is through our brokenness that we are his, by grace.

It wasn't until we were able to accept our brokenness that we were free to suffer our inability to have children by nature, and that we were really ready to become parents by grace. And adoption is always from a place of brokenness. Something has gone wrong. We aren't there to fix that brokenness, but to redeem it in love. Love for expectant mothers in fear and crisis, love for birth parents who love their children more than themselves, and especially for those children, who enter into the world of brokenness and are placed in our family to be our children by grace. And like our redemption, it is truly a beautiful grace.

We learned to trust in God and listen to his desire for our family--to rely solely on him. Adoption is expensive and, as two teachers with student loans and small salaries, it seemed hopeless that we would be able to bring children into our home. My husband and I relied so heavily on each other's strengths: I relied on his ability to trust, and he relied on my ability to plan every eventuality. By relying on each other, and especially through the incredible generosity of our friends, God made adoption happen for us. We pray he has other children in mind to become part of our family.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you... and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.

Through our struggles with infertility, I learned that the yoke of selfishness and control is so much heavier than whatever cross Christ asks me to take with him. I learned that my husband is here to share that burden. And that, really, is what marriage is: carrying our cross together.

Jessi’s words of wisdom for brides:

Tell your husband what you need instead of making him guess: You need to hear that he thinks you are beautiful? Tell him. You need to feel appreciated? Tell him. You need him to do the dishes? Ask him to do the dishes! In the first couple years of marriage, I wanted my husband to just intuit what I wanted and needed, until I realized I was setting him up for failure in my mind. My husband is a great man; he wants to bring me to God and help to make me happy, but I was expecting him to be a mind reader, too. When I tell him what I need, he exceeds my expectations.

Find a prayer life and time that works for you and your spouse, and pray together. Make it a part of your shared lives, so that even when you don't feel like it your husband can move you to prayer, even when he isn't feeling it you can help him, so in your life you are always both pointed toward God, together.

Try to outdo your spouse in service and forgiveness, and try to outdo yourself each new day.

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About the Author: Jessi Caruthers is a wife to a really good man and a mother through adoption to an adorable and busy toddler. She puts her degree in Thomistic philosophy to good use teaching high school Ethics and Religion in a suburb of Houston. She aspires to shabby hospitality in her little yellow house, living a simple liturgical life and making beautiful things.

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Newlywed Life | The Growing Pains of New Marriage

STEPHANIE CALIS

My husband of two weeks sat beside me on the floor, bowls of black beans and rice before us and backs against our first Ikea couch. We ate, surrounded by an enamel Dutch oven, new and velvety towels, down pillows, gilded picture frames. The stuff of a wedding registry checked off. But without chairs to sit on for dinner.

Photography: Dan Zeller Photography, seen in Bridget + David | Summer Picnic-Style Wedding

Married at 23, with one of us in graduate school and the other commencing a job search in a new town, my husband and I began our wedded life absorbing the paradox of having just experienced the most elegant, special occasion of our lives--and all the generous gifts and photogenic dazzle it entailed--followed by a season of surprisingly unglamorous trials: extreme simplicity and a tight budget, arguments over whether dishes should be washed before bed or the following morning, equivocating over daily habits and routines, struggling to comprehend an NFP chart.

Before the wedding, we’d spent hours of our long-distance engagement on the phone, dreamily anticipating when we’d be together daily and no longer have to say goodbye for weeks at a time. We eagerly devoured spiritual literature on marriage, knowing even when emotion abandoned us from time to time, pure willpower and sacramental grace would sustain our love. It seems naive now, yet I still imagined we’d sail painlessly into marriage, our newlywed bliss drowning any minor frustrations.

Minor frustrations, however, often felt major, compounded by our financial situation and search for community four hours away from friends and family. Even in the genuine euphoria of finally being husband and wife, we bickered. I felt guilty, knowing material concerns and disagreements over trivial matters like whether to roll up the toothpaste tube were nothing; that the foundation of our love felt truly solid and that even with certain deprivations we still had much compared to some. I wish I could go back and tell myself it’s alright to have felt this way.

It wasn’t until a few months in, when my pride was mercifully stripped away that I could see these growing pains as a gift. Offerings from the Father to burn away our faults and, like iron in a fire, sharpen one another in virtue. The irritations of adjusting to a shared life didn’t immediately disappear. But suddenly, what seemed like obstacles in the way of love became opportunities to love.

My husband and I discussed expressly thanking God for any frustrations we felt with our situation or one another, knowing when we accept his invitation, all things are transformed and love disinterested in the self is all the more possible. “This is the very perfection of a man,” wrote Augustine, “to find out his own imperfections.”

Whatever your crosses as a newly married couple, consider this permission to struggle, and even to find the struggle discouraging. Welcome it all the same. There were times, in those early weeks of my marriage, a lie crept in that the grace of the sacrament just wasn’t working for us. I know now that difficulty doesn’t mean grace isn’t at work. It means that it is, and is ours to embrace.

The first steps of any journey can be the hardest, not least of which the steps on this pilgrimage to heaven. You aren’t alone, though. In flesh and in spirit, united to you entirely, is a second person--and a third.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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4 Ideas for Wedding Gifts to Your Beloved

The future Saint John Paul II wrote in Love and Responsibility that “[betrothed love’s] decisive character is the giving of one’s own person (to another). The essence of betrothed love is self-giving, the surrender of one’s ‘I.’” Every vocation finds its deepest fulfillment in self-gift; marriage, perhaps, in the most tangible way. Within the sacrament, husband and wife give nothing less than their entire selves to one another; a yes given in total freedom.

Photography: Amer Nabulsi, seen in Lisa + Steve | Canadian Summer Wedding

But that doesn’t mean you can’t commemorate your wedding with additional items besides your very beings. While there’s no rulebook requiring wedding gifts to each other are required, the gesture can carry emotional significance--particularly for those whom gift-giving is a love language. If you and your beloved have chosen to give each other wedding gifts, we present these four categories as a starting point for your ideas.

Experience gifts

The gift of quality time through shared experience not only creates an indelible memory of your first days as a married couple, but can be a surprise for your beloved if it’s planned for after your wedding day. You might secretly plan a dinner or pilgrimage in your honeymoon location, for instance, purchase two tickets for an upcoming sports event or concert, or book an in-home photography session to document your time as newlyweds.

Practical gifts

Of course, the start of your life together isn’t solely a material pursuit. When kept in a virtuous perspective, however--a detached sensibility and an understanding that life has its seasons of fasting and feasting within our means--it feels special to celebrate your marriage with a new or upgraded item your spouse (or the both of you) can use to elevate your daily routines and habits. Practical goods fit well into this category, including coffee equipment, tech items, barware, luggage or everyday bags, or even a piece of furniture your spouse would love or has his eye on.

Hobby-related gifts

Whatever your talents and interests, or whatever your spouse-to-be’s, there’s probably a way to channel them into a meaningful wedding gift: an original poem or song, a painting of the church where you were engaged or are to be married, an instrument, camera, journal, outdoor or hiking gear, or beautiful edition of a favorite book. Your hobbies are a source of creativity, and future leisure, waiting to be tapped into.

Spiritual gifts

A mass enrollment--perhaps at a church or with a religious order with significant meaning for your spouse--a statue, icon, or religious image for your home, family Bible, Rosary, or saint medal are gifts that offer a deeply personal element, allowing you to choose items that reflect the particular spirituality, saints, and devotions significant to who you are.

We love hearing the meaning and intention behind the details of your wedding day. Did you and your spouse exchange gifts, or are you planning to? Share your gift ideas for brides and grooms, and how you chose them, in the comments and on our social media.

3 Tips for Choosing Your Mass Music

CLARE SIMILIE

Picking the readings and the music for your wedding Mass is an opportunity to show the beauty of the sacrament. And while it can be fun to choose the music, it can also be a daunting task. There is no end to options for liturgical music and if you haven’t grown up singing in a Church Choir, you may not know where to begin. Here, some helpful tips and suggestions to get you started.

Photography: An Endless Pursuit as seen in Robyn + Greg’s Spring Garden-Inspired Wedding

Talk with your fiancé.

Do you imagine all the Mass parts sung in Latin? Do family members have strong opinions about what instruments belong inside a Church? Many of our Church music preferences have been deeply ingrained in us from our Mass-going days throughout our lives. You may assume your fiancé wants, for instance, to walk down the aisle to a guitar Matt Maher song like you do, when in reality he envisions Gregorian chant. You never know until you discuss it! If your tastes differ, be willing to compromise, like opting for a traditional Ave Maria along with a more modern Offertory hymn.

Get on the same page with your Music Director.

While it’s good to have some idea what music you and your fiancé like, having your parish’s  Music Director on board will ease much of the selection process. Many parishes have a guide with certain rules about what pieces you’re permitted to use--for example, did you know Wagner’s “Heres comes the Bride” is not used at Catholic Weddings? It’s helpful to familiarize yourself with the rules beforehand to prevent any conflict. Then, have an open mind! Chances are, the director has been doing this a long time and will have great advice and suggestions.

Research, research, research.

Once you know what the both of you are drawn to and have guidelines from your Music Director, it’s time for the fun part: actually choosing the music. If you don’t even know where to start, think back to your experiences at Mass: Are there any songs that particularly move you? Ones you love grabbing the hymnal and singing along to? You might also consider asking recently married friends about their selections. Put together a Spotify list of any potential songs, and once you have lots of options, take a day to go through the list together and pick some favorites. If you are still stuck, below is a list of suggestions:

In the end, your wedding Mass, including the music, is a prayer you are offering to God. The beauty of music lifts our souls higher. If you approach your selections with that in mind, you will not fail.

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About the Author: Clare Smillie works in development for her diocese's local social service. She is passionate in her work for the Church and enjoys volunteering with her parish and Young Adult Group, and is looking forward to her Summer 2018 wedding. Clare and her fiancé, both graduates of Thomas Aquinas College, bonded over their love of Aquinas, G.K Chesterton and C.S Lewis. Her current favorite saint is Theresa Benedicta of the Cross, a.k.a. Edith Stein, and is inspired by Theresa's love of the intellectual life and pursuit of truth. Clare loves her home state of Montana and is a (very) amateur wedding cake baker.

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Ada + Greg | Texas Vintage Wedding

Ada and Greg met at seventeen while attending an admissions event at a Catholic college, where neither of them ended up going. Ada recalls Greg ignoring her when she tried to talk to him. He doesn’t remember their first meeting at all. But when they found themselves together during freshman orientation at a different school that Fall, the Lord began revealing his plans for them.

Greg and Ada became friends--inseparable friends, but nothing more. They studied and spent time together, went to the same parties, and were there for each other during significantly difficult and happy moments.

One of the latter took place during a semester in Rome. Amidst seasons of individual personal discernment, Ada and Greg witnessed Pope Benedict’s last public Mass on Ash Wednesday and prayed a rosary outside Castel Gandolfo as the gates closed on the last day of his papacy. When Pope Francis was elected, they were both there in Saint Peter’s Square.

They began dating their last semester of college, approximately a week after Ada accepted a job in another city. From early, they knew dating would either make or break their friendship. Ada also knew she was serious about Greg, who rearranged his life to stay near her in Texas.

Shortly after graduation, however, their careers took them long-distance for two years. While apart between weekend visits, they wrote letters and made phone calls to stay connected.

From the Bride: In addition to our long-distance relationship, we were also undergoing the major transition of leaving college and moving into the workforce. We often questioned whether our relationship was worth the time, effort, and stress we put into it. But despite our doubts, we ultimately believed our relationship was growing into something bigger, and probably better, than anything we could build alone.

We decided to get married before we officially announced our engagement, and we spent a month in challenging discernment. We don’t make decisions lightly, so we needed time for honest introspection, discussion, and prayer before we were ready to share our news. On a cloudy February Sunday, Greg asked me to be his wife and presented me with a gorgeous antique ring. Our friends and families were overjoyed, and the enthusiasm that greeted us offered confirmation that we were making the right decision.

Because we had a short engagement, we knew we needed to spend our time of preparation wisely. We spent time reading and discussing books on the sacramental and relational aspects of marriage and even met with a Catholic marriage counselor, in addition to the required preparation at our parish. For us, engagement was a period of even deeper discernment, and there were still many doubts and struggles to be overcome before the wedding day.

Something I struggled with in wedding planning was a nagging doubt that my wedding wouldn’t be good enough. I felt discouraged even in the midst of all of the joy and excitement. My mom, however, put things in perspective, saying, “We are going to have Mass and a party. It’s just a Mass and a party.” Knowing my wedding day wasn’t about perfection or glamour allowed me to enjoy more of the planning process.

Although our families were on opposite coasts while we planned our Texas wedding, they were still intimately involved in the planning.

My dress had been worn twice before by my grandmother and her sister, who were married ten weeks apart in 1963.

My veil was new, but similar to the one they and my mother had all shared. The necklace I wore belonged to my great-grandmother. In many ways, these heirlooms set the overall theme for our vintage-inspired wedding.

My bridesmaids were Greg’s three sisters, as well as mine. We asked our parents to proclaim the readings at our Mass, which was particularly meaningful: Greg and I had both been homeschooled, so our parents had truly been the ones to teach us the word of God. I also carried a small Holy Family medal that my dad had given to me as a toddler after he attended a retreat at a Trappist monastery. It has gone nearly everywhere with me, and it was important to me to have it with me on the day Greg and I created a new family.

Beautiful music for our Mass was a major priority. Because the chapel where we were married didn’t have an organ, we chose to have a string trio, pianist, and vocalist. We wanted our wedding liturgy to be particularly beautiful because it was, after all, the main event. We were also very lucky that many of our friends are musically gifted; their singing supported many of the hymns we chose.

As I entered the church with my dad, the congregation sang “O God, Beyond All Praising.” This has been a favorite hymn of mine since I was a teenager, but the lines, “And whether our tomorrows be filled with good or ill / We’ll triumph through our sorrows and rise to bless You still” had stuck with me throughout our engagement as the perfect motto for married life. Greg and I pledged ourselves “for better or for worse,” and despite the difficulties that may arise, God will always be with us and guide us.

One of my favorite memories from the wedding is walking down the aisle towards Greg, passing so many friends from different phases of our lives, all gathered to celebrate and pray with us. At the altar I was met by Greg and Fr. Thomas Esposito, O. Cist., a dear friend and advisor whom we’d first met in Rome. In many ways, Fr. Thomas knows us a little too well, because his homily was full of friendly ribbing as well as good-natured advice.

Greg chose our offertory hymn, “What Wondrous Love is This?,” his personal favorite. The words were perfect, reminding us that love is a sacrifice. I had also engraved the words “stern as death is love,” from the Song of Songs, inside Greg’s wedding ring as a reminder to myself of what I was promising him. He had “the greatest of these is love,” engraved in my ring, taken from the Epistle to the Corinthians we had chosen for the second reading. Finally, during communion, we sang “Be Thou my Vision,” asking God to lead us through our marriage and the rest of our lives together.

Because we were so nervous during the Mass itself, we were surprised to find later that there hadn’t been a dry eye in the congregation. Many guests, both Catholic and non-Catholic, have told us since that they had never been to such a beautiful Mass.

We were so elated after the Mass, and all of our friends and family were ready to celebrate at the reception. Greg and I danced to a song he has always played to me on his guitar. One of the highlights of the evening was the toast Greg’s father had written for us, a particularly beautiful mediation on marriage:

One needs courage to uphold such honor as the years of life grow long. Such courage may seem to have grown rare, but God has not grown less generous in His grace. You must have faith in his generosity, and though the world press on you from dawn to dusk, you must not deem the world more formidable than yourselves.

We were blessed to celebrate into the night with all those who had come to wish us well, particularly those whose weddings we had attended in the past. We ended the night by forming a giant conga line out of the building, while our friends sent us off to the tune of “The Parting Glass,” a traditional Irish folk song.

Despite all the challenges we felt as we prepared for marriage, our wedding reminded us we are not alone. We have friends and family who support us and provide wonderful examples of loving marriages. We also felt strengthened by the sacrament of marriage, so that when hard times do come, we will have the courage to face them.

Photography: Red Fern Photography | Church: St. Ann Catholic Church, Coppell, TX | Reception: Las Colinas Country Club, Irving, TX | Bride shoes: DSW: dsw.com | Bride earrings: Anthropologie | Veil: Mariso lAparicio :Www.esty.com/ shop/marisolaparicio | Bridal hair & make up: Dear Clark | Salon: Dearclark.com | Gown: Vintage | Necklace: Vintage | Bridesmaids’ dresses: Azazie: azazie.com | Bridesmaids’ jewelry: Chole and Isabel: www.choleandisabel.com | Invitations: Basic | Invite: basicinvite.com | Engagement ring: Vintage | Groom wedding band:DiamondBoutiqueCo : Www.esty.com/ shop/diamondboutiqueco | Groom / groomsmen suits:Jos. A. Banks | Groom/ groomsmen ties: Jos. A. Banks | Cake: Loft22 Cakes: Loft22cakes.com | Flowers: Lizzie Bee’s | Flower Shoppe: Lizziebees.net | Catering: Las Colinas Country Club

Editors' Picks | Vol. 11: Wedding Favors

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. Every month or two, we share our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

We've shared a selection of distinctively Catholic wedding favors with you before. Today, the editors chat about other give-worthy items that reflect who you are and offer your guests something beautiful, practical, or both.

Stephanie, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

Personalized Wine Stoppers: For a winery reception or couples for whom wine or cocktails are a hobby, these American-made wine bottle stoppers featuring your names or invitation suite logo look great on countertops and serve a practical need.

Charitable donation: If you’d like one of your first gestures as husband and wife to be an act of giving, consider making a donation to charity. Be sure to share info with your guests identifying the organization and explaining its significance to you; it’s a unique opportunity to share a cause you’re passionate about. To keep things harmonious, I suggest choosing an organization without strong political or moral overtones. Catholic Relief Services, L’Arche USA, and The Laboure Society are all excellent options serving humanitarian causes and the future of the Church.

Christmas ornaments: A festive choice for Advent or Christmas season weddings, send your guests home with something to trim their trees. You might choose something as simple as glass spheres purchased in bulk, or as elaborate as a custom monogrammed option.

Personalized Pencils: A pretty and useful way to share your married names, wedding location, or phrase from a favorite saint or prayer in your wedding colors. I’d smile to receive these from a bride and groom who were teachers, artists, or writers, but would also appreciate them from just about anyone!

Andi, Business Director

Cookies: Consumable favors are my favorite, simply because the majority of guests will consume them and not leave them on the tables after the reception. My preference is to source from a local bakery, one that’s special to you or your wedding destination--my husband and I chose a famous bakery from his hometown--or go homemade with a family recipe.

Spices: One of my clients was a nutritionist who served Greek food at her reception and gave her guests a small jar of Greek seasoning to take home. I’m still using my jar, and every time I use it I think of the couple.

Handmade soap: Another excellent consumable! I’ve received these as favors before and loved using them in my bathroom and in the tub.

Hand-lettered quotes: Most people like inspirational quotes, and prints like these are a simple way to evangelize through beauty and truth.

Custom Rosaries: I was so impressed at my friend, who crafted a Rosary for each and every guest at her wedding. When I pray with it or even just see it, I instantly remember her and her husband’s special day.

Jiza, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Fans: If you are getting married during the hot season or if your reception will be outside, fans can be the perfect practical favor to help keep your guests cool. My husband and I got married in August, which can be very hot and humid in the South, so the fans we provided were well used during our reception.

Prayer Cards: A customized card of your patron saint is a beautiful way to share your faith with your wedding guests. Much like what you would see at an priestly ordination, you too can customize a card with your names, wedding date, patron saint(s), and a prayer. My husband and I created a card with Saint Raphael, Tobit, and Sarah on the front and with our names, date, and a quote on the back.

Food: Who doesn't love food? I can't pick just one category. There is an abundance of ideas out there when it comes to your favorite food as a wedding favor: your favorite spice rub, liquor, coffee, or even hot sauce. You can flip your favorite snack into a bar for creating candy bags or decorating donuts. Maybe you have a bakery or shop that you absolutely love. The possibilities are endless.

We love hearing your ideas and seeing the myriad ways your wedding details reflect who you are as a couple. Share the favors you gave out, or will give out, at your wedding, and the best favors you've received from others, in the comments and on our social media.

Vendor Spotlight | Gloriam Marketing

Sometimes, within your vocation, another call can arise and bear fruit. One bride’s wedding planning experience brought a uniquely personal and practical new dimension to her business.

In her eight years of working at a parish, Emily Ricci sensed a need: when unequipped with marketing essentials like attractive bulletins and fliers, she realized, it was easy to see why some perceive the Church as out of touch and not with the times. “In my experience,” she says, “evangelization and marketing go hand in hand.” The product, in this case, is Jesus Christ. While working in marketing for her alma mater, Emily founded Gloriam Marketing, providing marketing, consulting, and event planning services to Catholic churches throughout her home state of New York and beyond

When Emily married her husband Aaron in June 2017, she worked long and hard on Mass programs, but struggled to come up with wording for the reception of Communion, concerned about being as welcoming as possible to non-Catholic guests while still speaking the truth. “This was the one opportunity I would have to evangelize to our many family and friends who would be in attendance,” she shares. “The more I considered this idea, the more I realized my wedding provided not only an opportunity to explain the Eucharist to our family and friends, but also the entirety of a Catholic wedding: Why do Catholic weddings take place in a church? Why do we exchange rings? Why do Catholics view marriage as a sacrament, and what does that mean? I began to write, and soon it turned into a double-sided insert that went inside of our program for guests to read while waiting for the Mass to start. In these explanations, I attempted to approach the ‘rules’ with humor and acceptance, striving to really show our guests how welcome they were; explaining what was going on during the Mass, especially for those who may not have been familiar with Catholic traditions.”

The inserts were a hit. Numerous guests suggested Emily create similar text and inserts for other couples, and there began Gloriam’s wedding services. The company offers design and printing for Catholic wedding programs, as well as custom inserts detailing the Mass and ceremony, for both local and remote couples, each infused with Emily’s attention to clients’ individual aesthetic and needs.

 From Emily: What's unique about Gloriam is that unlike other designers and printers, I have a background in the Catholic faith, so I can work one-on-one with a client to make sure the information being presented is both beautifully designed and true to our faith. I am currently pursuing my Master's degree in theology, so I come at the creative process with the ability to work from both a design and theological standpoint with each client. Clients don't have to worry about coming up with content on their own; I work with each and every bride or groom on wording (I also have a degree in English, with a concentration in writing), language, and ensuring everything is theologically sound.

A major advantage of this work is that it can be done completely via email or Skype. Clients do not have to be from my area or even from the United States, which results in one less thing for couples to worry about during an already hectic time packed with other vendor meetings. 

I look at each project I take on as an opportunity from God to give him glory. As a recent bride myself, I recognize the stress each bride and groom are under to make their wedding day perfect, and appreciate helping make their day memorable with attention to details. As a society, I hope to see more couples witness to what a God-given marriage looks like. I like to think through my work, I am helping them in that witness.

Photography: Newman Photos, as seen in Emily + Aaron: College Memories Wedding

An interview with Emily

Hometown: Wappinger Falls, New York

Favorite saint: Saint Marie of the Incarnation. She’s my confirmation saint!

What is your favorite thing about working on weddings? Working on a wedding program gets me all nostalgic about my own wedding. And I love being a small part of the evangelization my couples will bring through their marriages! 

Favorite place I’ve traveled: Mystic, Connecticut. I used to go there for retreats with my family each year on Enders Island. Gorgeous.

On my bucket list: Trying out for The Voice. 

My favorite wedding-day memory: My father-in-law, who is extremely quiet and shy, grabbing my hand and taking me out on the dance floor at our reception. It should probably be something about my husband, but that is the first thing that pops into my mind because it was so unexpected. Romantically, my favorite moment was leaning over during the Mass and whispering to Aaron, "We're married!"

 Love means…Sacrifice. Sacrifice until it no longer feels like sacrifice.

GLORIAM MARKETING | WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM

Becca + Phil | Christmas Picnic Wedding

In the past, Becca and Phil had both discerned religious vocations. By the time they both felt ready to date and pursue marriage, they met online. Becca shared in her profile that her dream man wouldn’t be unlike Ebeneezer Scrooge’s nephew, Fred, in A Christmas Carol.

A few days later, she received a message from Phil, sharing that he was an actor currently playing the role of Fred. Their conversations began flowing nonstop. One week later, they met face to face, and began officially dating the following month on the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, who has since become their patroness.

From the Bride: We both knew pretty quickly that this was serious and we began to talk about marriage and family a few months in. During our courtship, we, who are both teachers, were both directing theatre shows at the same time that I was working and in grad school. Through all of the hectic scheduling and stress, we were still able to support each other through prayer and were able to attend every one of each other’s events.

After our engagement, things were crazy: I got a new job, Phil took on summer work to help with our expenses, and we decided to do all of the wedding planning ourselves. Yet through it all, there was so much growth and so many insecurities in us uncovered, so many new steps taken in our faith and so much joy shared in the chaos. With every step, we were extremely blessed. So many times we thanked the Lord for someone who was willing to help us or do something for the wedding for manageable rates. God continued to pull people out of the woodwork that consistently blessed us with financial gifts, emotional support or practical help. The Lord was so present there with us, and our celebrant and Pastor, Fr. Dan Leary, was a vital part of showing us or leading us into God's presence.

We got engaged at the Seton Shrine in Emmitsburg, Maryland, a place rich with meaning for us. We both feel very devoted to St. Elizabeth Ann Seton and still visit the Shrine often. During our dating and courtship, we prayed the St. Andrew Novena and Fr. Michael Gaitley’s 33 Days to Morning Glory Consecration to Mary. We followed that with Fr. Gaitley’s Consecration to Merciful Love. Right before our wedding, we wrote a novena that included all of our patrons.

The Mass was the most important part of planning for us. Though we were frequently told we needed to focus more on reception items, attire, or favors, both of us felt strongly that the Mass shouldn’t be on the back burner. We wanted the day to be focused on the sacrament and desired that the Mass would draw our friends and family closer to the Lord and the Church.

As musicians ourselves, the music for the liturgy was very important to us. We were blessed by eight of our close friends singing as a choir and by 3 priests who concelebrated the Mass. The liturgy opened with "Jesus, All for Jesus" and ended with "God, We Praise You," because this was the reason we decided to get married: to offer ourselves as a gift to God, to do His will, love Him and love each other.

The readings were from Song of Solomon 2:8-10, 14, 16; Psalm 34, Romans 12 and John 17. Fr. Dan's homily was focused on the reality of the sacrament, not just the symbolic gesture. His theme was 1+1=1, which quickly became our wedding hashtag. He focused "this body, broken for you" and our sacrifice for one another, in flesh and spirit. One of the most moving moments of the Mass was during the Communion meditation, set to the song "Even Unto Death" by Audrey Assad. It was, and is, our continued commitment to God and each other. There was a great witness during that moment that has been echoed by several of our guests, some of whom are not even Christians. We are confident that their testimony is the fruit of prioritizing the liturgy above everything else.

The day was full of trust and peace. We both took the morning pretty slowly and enjoyed some quality time with friends and in prayer. The celebration itself was also pretty simple. Because we paid for most things ourselves, we kept expenses to a minimum.

We used the December Christmas season to our advantage, calling our reception our "Christmas Picnic". We used chalkboards, biodegradable snow, white lights, curtains, pine and holly to decorate. We used pine and cedar disks as centerpieces, with lanterns on top. Phil even built a s'mores bar where guests could roast marshmallows. The meal featured picnic items: sandwiches, salads, lemonade, and chips, followed by hot chocolate, tea, hot cider and coffee. The casual theme allowed for a peaceful and fun atmosphere, where everyone could really relax and celebrate.

My dress was a beautifully unexpected choice. I went shopping with ideas in my head, but ended up with something totally different than I’d originally imagined.

At the reception, people continually came up to us raving about the ceremony. That was so wonderful after our frequent prayers that our Mass would be the focus of the day.

Despite cake getting on both of us (Phil had asked me not to, but some seminarians sitting by the cake pressured me into it at the last minute!), we were both overjoyed. We made lots of rounds to see everyone and remember the reception flying by. It truly was everything we thought it would be.

It was truly so meaningful as Catholics. The Mass was a milestone and because I'm a convert, it was so beautiful putting the whole thing together and seeing every part's meaning; the intention behind every word and motion. Our day was so special because the highlight, truly the "source and summit" was the Mass, the Eucharist and the sacrament of Matrimony. Having almost 200 people there to share this amazing occasion was so overwhelmingly beautiful and moving. We feel so blessed by Fr. Dan, by our family and what our wedding was and is for us now.

Photography: Amy Leigh Horan Photography http://www.amyleighhoran.com/ Church: St. Joseph's Catholic Church, Emmitsburg, Maryland | Reception Venue: Thurmont American Legion, Thurmont, Maryland | Engagement ring by Wholesale Diamond Consultants: http://www.wdc14k.com/, Flowers by Freesia & Vine: https://favflowers.com/, Invitations designed by the Bride and printed by Vistaprint: https://www.vistaprint.com/?rd=1, Decor Rental by I Do, You Do Wedding Decor Rentals: http://www.facebook.com/idoyoudo.wedding.rentals and Freesia & Vine: https://favflowers.com, Catering by Wegman's: https://www.wegmans.com/, Bride's dress from I Do I Do: https://www.idoidoweddinggowns.com/, Bride's veil from Your Heirloom Veil: https://www.etsy.com/shop/YourHeirloomVeil, Bride's shoes from Cinderollies: https://www.cinderollies.com/, Bride's jewelry from Lizardi Bridal: https://www.etsy.com/shop/LizardiBridal, Bride's fur bolero from Meshka Bridal: https://www.etsy.com/shop/MeshkaBridal, Groom and Groomsmen tie clips from SiBelle Jewelry: https://www.etsy.com/shop/SiBelleJewelry, Bride's Ring from Pompeii3: https://www.etsy.com/shop/Pompeii3, Groom's Ring from Manly Bands: https://manlybands.com/, Groom's suit, tie and shoe, and groomsmen ties by JcPenney: https://www.jcpenney.com/, Cake baked by Kelly Clabaugh, Fairfield, PA; Bride's makeup by Kim Sykes, Mary Kay Rep; DJ by Greffen Audio Visual: https://www.facebook.com/Greffen-Audio-Visual-232231706827995/; Reception Coordinator: Linda O'Brien, Mass Music provided by local musician friends, Cake Topper by Momo Rad Rose: https://www.etsy.com/shop/MomoRadRose

When You and Your Sister Are Both Engaged

KAT FINNEY + GENEVIEVE ALLEN

Do you have not just your own wedding drawing near on the calendar, but that of someone else you’re close to?

Kat and Genevieve are sisters who got engaged within three days of each other and were married in the same year. “Wedding planning together was one of the sweetest experiences of our lives,” shares Kat, “but it can also come with some challenges.” For other women planning their weddings at the same time as their own sisters, family members, or close friends, we’re honored to share the fruits of these ladies’ wisdom.

Practical Considerations

Photography: Sabree Hill Photography, seen in Katherine + Jonathan | New Orleans Traditions Wedding

In Kat’s words: One of the more obvious benefits to being engaged at the same time as your sister is the mutual experience of planning for one of life’s biggest moments. You get to giggle over wedding magazines and dream about the future together. It’s like that time you marched down the aisle of your shared bedroom together, humming “da da da dum” and wearing veils made of curtains, only it’s real. Take some time together to go to lunch and let it sink in that this is really happening. Take pictures. Toast each other. Soak it up.

A great practical benefit of getting married around the same time as my sister was familiarizing ourselves with vendors in the area. You might consider working with wedding vendors who offer referral packages, should you both choose to book with them. We used many of the same vendors, not only because we liked what they had to offer, but also because many of them had referral offers in exchange for spreading the word about their businesses.

One possible downside: we were concerned since our weddings were in the same year, our guests would have déjà vu once they went to the second wedding. The key when using the same vendors is to stay true to your own taste. It was very tempting for me to just copy all of Gen’s décor, simply because I knew she had great ideas and her wedding would be beautiful. But even though I loved everything about Gen’s wedding and the details she chose, I would have been untrue to myself if I hadn’t gone with my own choices. Never compromise your own style, even when your bestie’s is temptingly gorgeous.

Photography: Marroquin Photography, seen in Genevieve + Dalton | Holiday Rock 'n' Bowl Wedding

In Genevieve’s words: Kath and I even had some of the same bridesmaids, so we tried to be conscious of cost when making choices for our bridal party. That's at least two dresses, showers, and bachelorette parties your favorite girls might feel pressure to pay for, so consider what investments could be optional. For example, does it really matter that all of your bridesmaids are in heels? No. So request that your girls wear nude shoes, but don't specify a style. If you want everyone in the same kind of jewelry, provide that as your bridesmaid gift.

Lots of these little things won't actually matter to you in the end, but they can provide big savings for some of the most important women in your life. I actually wish I hadn't been so firm on the color of bridesmaid dress for my wedding, because I now love the trend of mismatched but coordinating gowns. This cost consideration goes for wedding guests, too. If you have a registry, include a wide range of items and price points. Whether you’re getting married in the same year as your sister or not, this is a considerate thing to do.

Things to Do Together and Apart

Kat: One of the best decisions Gen and I made was to scheduling our own individual dress appointments, as opposed to trying to find our dresses at the same time. The first time we ever tried on dresses, we decided we’d go and both look together. It would kill two birds with one stone, right?

Sabree Hill Photography

Wrong. We ended up not really being able to shop well, each wondering if our sister was going to want the same dress or bringing dresses off the racks for each other while forgetting to look for ourselves. We hated every dress we tried on that day and felt discouraged after leaving. This may not be how everyone experiences shared dress shopping dates, but both of us highly recommend making separate appointments. The main reason is it takes the pressure off and allows you to better dote on your friend or sister as she shops for her gown.

Marroquin Photography

Genevieve: Ultimately, this day is about you, your future spouse, and your marriage. It can be easy to forget about that when you’re covered in bridal magazines and fabric swatches. Some things, like choosing shoes or wedding jewelry, are naturally going to be better sister activities.

Most wedding decisions and preparation, however, should be focused on you and your spouse. You probably will be able to identify which wedding tasks your fiancé won't care too much about, but give him the opportunity to make decisions with you before assuming he won't be interested. For example, I knew my fiancé cared not at all about flowers, so this was one aspect of planning Kath and I had a great time tackling together.

Keeping It Prayerful

Kat: We suggest saying a novena together in preparation for your weddings. Obviously this can be done with your fiancé, but it can also be done with your bestie. Nothing is more important in the wedding planning process than spiritual preparation. And when you know you have the spiritual support of your best friend, it can be a real source of grace and inspiration during a potentially stressful time.

Gen and I both took different routes for marriage prep within the Church. It’s good to recognize that your relationship and your sister’s are different, and that no one option is a “best” choice; there’s only a best choice suited to you and your fiancé as a couple.

Sabree Hill Photography

My fiancé and I met regularly with the deacon at the church where we got married, along with about a dozen couple-to-couple meetings. I couldn’t recommend this more, especially if you know a couple you admire and if you have the time to meet. This brought up so many difficult questions that we were able to answer before getting married, and we had tons of fun with the couple who guided us. The downside to this route is if you don’t know the couple leading you or have trouble relating to them, this could be a very dull, drawn out, and frustrating process, so the Engaged Encounter weekend may be better if you don’t have a mentor couple in mind.

Genevieve: My husband Dalton and I chose to do an Engaged Encounter instead of a mentor couple. We liked the idea of being isolated in a retreat-type setting for our marriage prep, away from distractions.

Marroquin Photography

I could probably write an entire book on the pros and cons of that weekend. Overall, it was very meaningful. We learned a lot about each other, ate bad retreat food, prayed for our future family, learned an overview of NFP (luckily we had our own Creighton instructor to fill in the rest), and generally felt a lot more prepared for marriage. If you have some hurdles to overcome prior to your wedding day--differences in faith practices, family of origin issues, or questions about Church teaching, the couple to couple option might be a more fruitful experience for you.

Finally, try to resist the temptation to compare your engagement, wedding, or relationship to that of your sister and her fiancé. We have found the best way to overcome this is to simply love and want the best for each other. Prayer can help with this, and so can open communication with your future spouse and your sister.

I found that my biggest point of comparison with Kath was actually our rehearsal dinner speeches. Her toast was the perfect blend of humor and emotion, and even as she was delivering it, I was regretting that mine wasn’t as good. I had to try to let that feeling go quickly because I wanted to enjoy the moment, but I’m still kind of jealous, even now! That girl can give a speech.

The joyous swirl of wedding planning is made even better when you are experiencing it with your sister. No one can better understand why you might feel the need to burst into tears when you finally find the perfect cake topper after hours of browsing on Etsy. No one is better at letting you know when you might be veering off into Bridezilla territory. No one's smile will be bigger when you finally walk down the aisle. Well, your fiancé's smile should probably be bigger, but yours might be almost as big.

Visit, or revisit, Kat and her husband Jonathan's wedding here and Genevieve and her husband Dalton's, both rich with New Orleans traditions, here.

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About the Authors: Genevieve and Katherine are sisters and best friends from New Orleans, Louisiana. Gen is the older sister, a nurse and lactation consultant living in Louisiana. Kat is a former high school religion teacher who now stays at home in Pittsburgh with her daughter. Gen loves to stay inside and cozy up to a good book; Kat loves to be outside and to do karaoke with her husband. Gen is the introvert; Kat is the extrovert. Since they live far away from each other, they use their blog, The Sister Post, as one way to keep up communication lines and to share ideas and stories with each other and their readers. The purpose of their blog is to empower women to share in a common sisterhood; they see each other as their best resource, and they hope by sharing their own ideas, tips, and stories, other women will be uplifted by the online sisterhood they've created.

BLOG | INSTAGRAM

Enter Our Summer Giveaway with Radiant Magazine + Anthropologie!

June brings with it bare feet, travel, reading that stirs the soul, and, hopefully, a marriage celebration or two on your calendar. We want to help you set the stage.

With wedding season in full swing, we’ve collaborated with Radiant Magazine, a quarterly print periodical for Catholic young women, to gift one lucky follower a copy of Radiant's Summer 2018 Love Issue, featuring Spoken Bride, and a $50 gift card to Anthropologie (also good for Anthro's wedding line, BLDHN!). To enter:

1. Follow @spokenbride and @radiantmag on Instagram.
2. On the corresponding giveaway post in Instagram, tag a Catholic bride-to-be or newlywed in a comment. Each separate comment is a chance to win.

The giveaway begins today and ends Tuesday, June 19, 2018 at 11:59pm EST/ 8:59pm PST. Winner will be randomly selected and notified via Instagram on Friday, June 22, 2018.

Click here to read the official giveaway rules.

6 Options for Selling or Donating Your Wedding Gown

Do you have plans for your wedding gown after your walk down the aisle? The choice is a personal one that might include preserving it for a relative, friend, or future daughter, repurposing it into baptism or First Communion pieces for your children--truly a visual representation that the bond established on your wedding day bears spiritual fruit through the years--or giving your dress to other brides, which fosters both sisterhood and a green sensibility.

If you’ve chosen to sell or donate your gown, the options can be overwhelming. Here, our curation of the best organizations the dress donation world has to offer, including some distinctively Catholic resources.

Photography: Juliana Tomlinson Photography

For the ease of online transactions

Preowned Wedding Dresses: This online marketplace, the largest out there for bridal items, boasts 14 years of credibility and facilitates gown and accessory re-sales directly between buyers and sellers. It’s designed to minimize hassle and maximize profit, offering a one-time listing fee with no commission for the site, a dress value calculator, and a conveniently specific search function that makes it easy for your gown to appear in listings.

To give to military couples

Brides Across America: A nonprofit dedicated to military and first responder brides, this organization supports the men and women whose life’s work is our freedom, providing free wedding gowns at their events nationwide. Gowns less than five years old are accepted for consideration.

To support humanitarian causes

Adorned in Grace: This bridal shop and design studio in the Portland, Oregon area accepts wedding dresses five years old and newer, in-store or by mail, to be repurposed or redesigned by at-risk girls in the area, including those who’ve been in the foster care system or have been traficking victims. Rooted in a mission to convey to these young women their dignity, worth, and identity in Christ and to model the love and hope of faith-centered weddings, proceeds from the nonprofit go to design workshops, education, and/or counseling from human traficking survivors.

Brides for Haiti: A project of St. Mary’s parish in the Archdiocese of Washington, the Brides for Haiti program sells secondhand wedding and formal attire. Profits benefit St. Mary’s sister parish, St. Joseph’s, in Carcasse, Haiti, including health, education, and infrastructure initiatives. Volunteers and seamstresses are on-site at events to answer questions and provide information about the cause. Stay informed about calls for donations--in person or by mail--and upcoming sale events via the project’s Facebook page.

The Bridal Garden: Located in the heart of Manhattan, this not-for-profit shop dedicated to education specializes in discounted designer gowns from boutiques and donations. Earnings benefit disadvantaged schools and children in New York City.

To support the Church

Religious life: Our sisters in religious life are every bit the bride, espoused to Christ through their vows. In several orders, including the Colettine Poor Clares, Schoenstatt Sisters of Mary, Franciscan Sisters of the Immaculate, and some Carmelite orders, it’s customary for women to profess their solemn vows in wedding attire. Contact communities in your area directly to discuss the possibility of donating your gown.

Parish resales: Parishes nationwide hold periodic sales of secondhand gowns, with proceeds benefiting the church or diocese. This donation option not only supports the parish community in your area, but encourages shopping locally. To keep up with forthcoming sale events and inquire about making a donation, try subscribing to your diocese’s newspaper, emails, or social media platforms and keeping an eye out in weekly bulletins.

Have you or are you planning to donate your dress? We love hearing about the local and national programs that support other women in their call to marriage, so be sure to share what additional means of donating you’ve employed in the comments and on our social media.

Abigail + Joe | Notre Dame Basilica Wedding

Abby and Joe had been Spanish classmates, co-retreat planners, and even sat with friends at the same table for meals, never speaking, for their first three years at Notre Dame University. It was on a bench in the football stadium that they first officially met and, in Abby’s words, “that we truly saw each other for the first time.” By the end of the game, they both wondered why they’d never talked before.

Early on in their dating relationship, they both knew the Lord was calling them to marriage. They spent a semester apart as Abby studied abroad in London and Joe in Chile, then were reunited for their senior year.

The fall after graduation, they returned to Notre Dame for Abby's birthday, where they headed straight for the campus grotto. It led to their favorite tree, a site of many late-night conversations. There stood a group of their friends, candles in hand. Along the path from the tree to a nearby lake where they first began dating, friends and family were gathered;  at each stop, they read a line from a poem Joe had written for Abby.

Finally, at the final stop at the lake, Joe asked Abby to marry him. Even without any lights, and though Joe forgot which hand the ring goes on, “it was perfect.”

From the Bride: The two years between graduating college and getting married were joyful, but tough. Joe was in a Master’s program that required him to live in community and delayed marriage, so we spent those years long-distance. Since we had a long engagement, we were able to dive into marriage preparation--reading books, praying together, having so much fun dreaming about our future, and continuing to learn about each other and ourselves. We also, however, really struggled to be grateful for this time of preparation in our desire to just be married. Looking back, the distance was incredibly difficult, but through God’s grace it brought us closer to him and to each other.

When envisioning our wedding, the word we kept returning to was joy. We were so excited to be entering into the sacrament of marriage, and we wanted that joy to permeate the day. There were tons of stressful moments (I could never be a wedding planner!), but joyful ones, too: picking out my dress with my mom, designing my ring from my great-grandmother’s wedding band, practicing our vows and first dance, and spending time with our family and best friends at all the pre-wedding festivities.

Joe and I decided to do a first look for a couple of reasons. I thought I would be super nervous, since I don’t like being in front of crowds, I hoped seeing him first would help with that. While, miraculously, I wasn’t a bit nervous, it was incredible to start our wedding day by walking to the church hand in hand.

We wanted to do a Marian devotion, but didn't have time during our ceremony. So we did our first look at the Notre Dame grotto, a place where we have prayed with Mary many, many times--both together and as single people before we met. We left flowers in the hands of Saint Bernadette’s statue: a rose for Saint Therese of Lisieux and a lily for Saint Joseph, two of our favorite saints.

The Mass was our favorite part to plan, and the absolute best part of our wedding day. We were married at the Basilica of the Sacred Heart on Notre Dame’s campus, a church where both of us had come to know Christ’s love during our time at as students. The Mass was full of music, joy, and celebration. During the ceremony, I kept thinking this is what heaven would be like.

We are blessed by friends with musical gifts, and our music was unreal. We had an organ, violin, cello, and a whole choir lifting their voices in prayer. For our preludes we chose “Song of Ruth,” “Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring,” and a Litany of the Saints. Our wedding party walked down the aisle to “Gabriel's Oboe,” and then my dad and I walked to “Arise, My Love.” Our readings were Jeremiah 31:31-34, and 1 John 4:7-12, and our Gospel was John 15:9-12.

We had talked with our friend and celebrant, Fr. Pat, during marriage preparation about how many of our friends and family are not Catholic. He made sure to explain parts of the Mass so everyone was involved. He gave an incredible homily (you can hear a little of it in our wedding video), and laughter filled the Basilica when a giant fly flew on Joe’s face in the middle of our vows.

One of my favorite moments was during the preparation of the gifts. The choir sang “The Servant Song” while we sat and soaked up the reality that we were finally married. We administered communion as our first act as husband and wife, and then exited the church to “O God Beyond All Praising,” our favorite hymn. It was more joyful than we could have ever imagined.

Since we were married in the summer and love the outdoors, we chose the Blue Heron at Blackthorn for our reception venue because it has an outdoor tent attached to the ballroom. I adore flowers, so I gave our florist, Poppies by Polly, and our wedding planner, Belle Behind the Ball, the reins to cover the space in an abundance of flowers. The best moments were the toasts, the dances, and witnessing our friends and family mingle and get to know each other. It was such a gift being surrounded by so much love.

From The Groom: Our wedding Mass was amazing. We just had so much fun. From standing at the altar seeing our favorite church fill with our favorite people, to crying as I alternated between looking at Abby and being overwhelmed with gratitude for God’s love for us, my heart was filled with joy.

Something that stands out to both of us is how often other people have said they felt the same way. Months after our wedding day, friends and family members still bring up moments from the liturgy: everyone crying during the Litany of Saints; three of my groomsmen standing up and belting the psalm, “I Will Praise Your Name”; how close Abby and I continuously tried to sit next to each other during the readings and homily. One of the most common statements we heard upon leaving the church was, “I didn’t know how much fun it could be to be Catholic.”

God visibly worked inside the hearts of others on our wedding day. People felt comfortable picking the brain of our priest at the cocktail hour. A friend who is dating a Catholic woman, but is not Catholic himself, found me during the reception to tell me he was considering having a Catholic wedding ceremony after attending ours.

I share these stories to point to the work that God did on our wedding day. We became a sacrament of God’s love for the world the moment we exchanged our vows. Our Mass, our marriage, is not just for us. It is for everyone who was in the church that day, and everyone we will meet going forward.

To close, our advice would be to worry over the little details. We stressed over a lot of the wedding planning, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what food you eat or what colors you choose. What matters is the sacrament you are entering into. And trust us: when you give him the space to work in you, God will show up and amaze you with his love.

Photography: Soul Creations Photography | Church: The Basilica of Notre Dame, Notre Dame, Indiana | Wedding Reception Venue : Blue Heron at Black Thorn, South Bend, IN | Rings: Diamond Gallery - Hers, Fred Meyers Jewelry - His | Florals: Poppies by Polly | Rentals: Burns Special Event Rentals & Pro Show | Transportation: Royal Excursion | Caterer: Blue Heron at Blackthorn | Bridal Gown: Bridal Gallery in Grand Rapids | Shoes: Nordstrom | Bridesmaids' Attire: Vow to be Chic (https://www.vowtobechic.com/)
Bridesmaids' Gifts: Hatch Prints | Groom's Suit: Louie’s Tux Shop | Groomsmen Gifts: Louie’s Tux Shop | Groomsmen Attire: Louie’s Tux Shop | Cake: C’est La Vie Cakes | Hairstylist: Bethza Professional Makeup Artist Studio | Makeup Artist: Bethza Professional Makeup Artist Studio | Choral Ensemble: Folk Choir of Notre Dame | Cocktail Music: Samantha Kasmer | DJ: 27 Entertainment (https://www.27e.co/) | Coordination: Belle Behind The Ball Wedding & Event Planning, bellebehindtheball.com | Photobooth: EA Pro Music (https://www.eapromusic.com/) | Ice Cream Sundae Bar: American Espresso Catering Co.

The Sophia Series | Annamarie

ANNAMARIE HAMILTON

I met my husband Kevin in college. We were best friends for about a year; as time passed, it became obvious that we had feelings for each other. From very early on in our courtship, we knew we would end up getting married. We knew we had each found the one who was God’s perfect match for us. Kevin proposed during my senior year, and the following August we got married. While our marriage has been far from perfect, we had had a fairly easy time for the first five years.

Photography: Mandy Chappel Photography

During that time we had three children; Dominic, Lucy, and Simon. Although having children definitely changed our marriage and made life harder and more stressful in general, we were still living a happy and generally peaceful life, and our marriage was as solid as ever.

On August 8th of 2017, a few days before our fifth anniversary, we ended up taking two-year-old Lucy to the Emergency Room. She had been very lethargic for a few days and wouldn’t eat anything. We were completely blindsided when she was diagnosed with leukemia.

Kevin and I were both in complete shock. It is the kind of thing that you think will never happen to you until it does.

The next few days were an emotional whirlwind of new information, surgeries, chemo, and hospitalization. Two days later, as we celebrated our anniversary in the Operating Room waiting area, I remember thinking and talking about our marriage, and how this was something we never could have planned for.

In our vows we say “in sickness and in health,” but we never really thought seriously that we’d have to deal with real sickness, or what that would look like.

That day, we talked about how grateful we were to be going through that together. To have someone else who knew exactly we felt and who loved our daughter just as much. Although this is never where we thought we would be, five years into our marriage there is no one else I would want to go through this with. Over the past few months, Kevin and I have grown closer than ever, and I think our marriage is stronger than ever. We have had to lean on each other and learned to love and support our spouse even as we deal with our own pain. That has given us a bond we could never have imagined.

This journey with cancer is far from over, yet we feel our family is finally in a good place again, and everyone has learned to adjust to the “new normal” that is our lives. We already feel stronger as a family and as a husband and wife from having gone through this. Although this time of our lives has been the hardest yet, we feel confident that if we can get through this, we can get through anything.

Annamarie’s words of wisdom for brides:

Don't be afraid to be dependent on each other, rather than trying to work out problems on your own.

Pray for each other.

Don't take the little, everyday things for granted.

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About the Author: Annamarie Hamilton is a stay-home-mom from Baltimore, Maryland. She is married to her best friend Kevin and together they have three children: Dominic, Lucy, and Simon.

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The Royal Wedding and its Insights Into Evangelization

STEPHANIE CALIS

Unlike some of my friends, I didn’t closely follow the royal wedding for months in advance. Not out of disdain, but simply out of having other interests, I’d never really heard of Meghan Markle or watched her TV show, and I generally associated Prince Harry with the wilder, more controversial antics of his youth. Until it all became impossible to ignore.

In the days preceding the wedding, the lead stories on seemingly every news outlet and style blog I follow involved Meghan and Harry: how would they incorporate American rituals into a traditional English ceremony? What musical selections would they choose? Would Meghan wear the Queen’s signature nail polish shade? Before I knew it, I was drawn in, growing in appreciation for what seemed like a genuine, natural love, with sense of equality and mutual admiration between the two.

What was it that made someone like me, who’d been mostly indifferent to the royals, so intrigued by their nuptials? And what made so many others, the world over, feel the same? Particularly in our culture where marriage is received with cynicism, and in light of Harry’s mother, Princess Diana’s disillusionment with her own marriage--her lack of a fairy-tale ending after the original televised royal wedding--our obsession suggests there remains something captivatingly hopeful about the union of man and wife.  

On some level, there’s a realization that marriage still means something big, and we want to see relationships flourish and succeed. Love is worth rooting for, and commitment through good times and bad merits respect even from skeptics.

In the days after the wedding, I found myself scrolling through photos and clips of the service, attire, and family portraits. For those of us who aren’t duchesses, Meghan and Harry’s witness to love and service offers some valuable insights into how we can be witnesses, too.

As faithful Catholics whose wedding guests might or might not be in a similar place spiritually, the desire to evangelize through your wedding Mass and celebration is a natural one. In concrete, sensory ways, like incense, music, the readings, and a program that explains Catholic traditions in a clear, charitable way, that’s possible. I admired how the royal incorporated songs and a sermon from American Christian traditions without much fanfare, simply letting these inclusions speak for themselves. A concrete, yet humble witness. In an even more radical way, the Catholic faith has its own way of speaking for itself, stirring the soul to pay closer attention to the whispers, the longings, deep within.

Consider, as well, all the less obvious, unspoken ways the truth, beauty, and goodness of your marriage can, and will, also shine forth: treating each guest with attention and graciousness; meeting them where they are; exhibiting a spirit of reverence and resolve through prayer and worship simply by being your authentic selves; waiting until after the wedding to move in together. When you lead with the heart, prioritizing relationship over argument, your family and friends become well-disposed to receive, and can look past differences of opinion as their experiencing you and your beloved entering into marriage speaks to God’s grace.

The day after the royal wedding, sin and evil still existed in the world and our culture remained as politically fractured as ever. The wedding, however, stopped so many of us in our tracks for a moment and invited the world to step back from its brokenness and division. In the same way, your wedding day won’t heal yours or your guests’ every wound. Yet with beauty, virtue, and purity of heart, it can testify to something powerful and real without a word.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Cynthia + Chad | Midwestern Traditions Wedding

It was through FOCUS that Cynthia first developed a deeper spiritual life, attending daily Mass and praying before the Blessed Sacrament several times a week. She was deeply convicted about cultivating a relationship with Christ during her single years and forming habits that would carry over into her future vocation.

It was through a match app that she met Chad. After a few phone calls across their distance of an hour and a half, followed by dinner and several subsequent dates, Chad asked Cynthia to be his girlfriend.

Eight months later, Cynthia found herself at the Church of the Wedding Feast at Cana in the Holy Land while on a trip with Dynamic Catholic. There at the sacred site where Jesus turned water into wine, the couples on the trip renewed their wedding vows, with each bride carrying a single red rose.

From the Bride: Shortly before the trip, I read St. Therese of Lisieux’s autobiography. She said, “When I die, I will send down a shower of roses from the heavens, I will spend my heaven by doing good on earth.” St. Therese is known for sending “signs” in the form of roses. I said a quick prayer asking her to send me a “sign” about my relationship with Chad, but quickly forgot about it.”

After the vow renewal at Cana, the group gathered outside the church. One of the women in the group, whom I hadn’t met, walked over to me, crying. She said she didn’t know why, but she suddenly felt the urge to give me her red rose and to tell me that “there is someone out there for you.” I knew that the rose was sent to me from Therese. I felt overwhelming inner peace that my vocation was marriage, and that Chad was the man I was supposed to marry. Less than four months later, Chad took me to his parent’s small cabin to fish. He handed me a fishing pole with an engagement ring hooked to it; I turned to look at him, and he was down on one knee to propose.

We desired that our wedding be Christ-centered, that it reflect the beauty of spring, and that it embodied the small-town fun of our home state, Nebraska.

After our wedding rehearsal, Chad and I both went to Confession. Our rehearsal dinner was on a Friday in Lent, so we had a fish fry! Along with fried fish, Chad’s sisters made cheesy potatoes and an assortment of delicious salads and desserts.

My mom and all of my aunts included a rosary in their wedding bouquets, and it was important to me to continue the tradition. Mom gave me a blue rosary bracelet to place in my flowers. Before the ceremony, my bridesmaids and I, along with some female guests, prayed the rosary together. That time in prayer was beautiful, and brought me so much peace.

We chose Jesus’ first miracle at Cana for our Gospel reading because of my experience in the Holy Land. After communion, my friend did a stunning job singing the Litany of the Saints. I get goosebumps on my arms every time I hear it. Next, Chad and I went and stood in front of a statue of the Blessed Mother. As we listened to the moving melody of “Ave Maria,” we offered our marriage to her.

I wanted a spring theme for our wedding, so we chose a powder-blue color and garden-inspired décor. Almost all of our vendors were local. A florist in a neighboring town, for instance, owns a thriving business called Stitches and Petals. I described to her my vision of white garden roses with an assortment of greenery, and the flowers in the bridal bouquets and reception décor were stunning; exactly what I was looking for. Even the family was involved, which was special for all of us! Chad’s aunt makes cakes for many local weddings and special occasions, and she created an amazing naked wedding cake for us.

We were married in Howells, a small town of about 600 people. In very typical small-town Nebraska fashion, the wedding party traveled from the church to the reception by way of a trolley hooked to a John Deere tractor. We invited any of our guests, kids included, to ride along.

It’s tradition in Howells to stop at the bar in town before arriving at your wedding reception. Many of the guests stop there, too, and the bride and her bridesmaids dance on the bar top with the jukebox playing in the background. My mom even joined in on the fun.

All of the town’s wedding receptions take place at the Howells Ballroom. After the wedding party arrives at the reception, the bride and groom cut the cake so it can be served with dinner. Approximately 475 people joined us at the reception--many guests are also very typical in a small town. Chad chose the menu which included chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, corn, and a dinner roll. It was catered by a family friend who serves many of the local weddings.

At the ballroom, dinner is served buffet-style as the host couple invites guests to get in line. In keeping with the tradition of guests clinking their silverware on glasses to signal the bride and groom to kiss, it’s also common in Howells for guests to start chanting the names of the couples’ parents while clinking, encouraging them to stand and kiss, as well.

To preserve my bridal bouquet after the wedding, I had it turned into a rosary that I now use several times a week.

Chad and I are now one in union with Christ. One thing I remember most from our wedding day was how much joy I felt. Many guests commented on how happy I looked--the whole day, I could not stop smiling. At the reception, I was telling one of my good friends that “it [the wedding day] is the best day of my life!” She replied, “Just wait, it keeps getting better and better.” I keep returning to this phrase. Now that we have been married almost a year, I realize just how true her statement is.

Photography: Jenn Wiemann Photography | Church: Saints Peter and Paul Catholic Church in Howells, Nebraska | Reception Venue: Howells Ballroom in Howells, Nebraska | Rings: Borsheims | Flowers: Stitches and Petals | Caterer: Terri Belina | Brides dress: Nebraska Bridal | Bride’s veil: ieie Bridal | Bridesmaid dresses: David’s Bridal | Groom/Groomsmens’ Attire: Schmitt’s | Cake Baker: Alice Bayer, Family | Hairstylist: Makayla Geist, Friend | Makeup artist: Erin Dostal, Friend | Reception music: A-Z Music Productions | Bridal bouquet turned to rosary: rosariesfromflowers.com

Lost for Words? Tips for Writing a Wedding-Day Letter

Are you and your husband-to-be planning to exchange letters on your wedding day?

If you’ve ever watched a wedding video featuring the contents of letters the bride and groom have written, cried, then wondered how yours will measure up, you aren’t the only one. But in short, don’t wonder.

Photography: Gray Door Photography, courtesy of Sarah Ann Design

Just as you, your future husband, your love story, and relationship are unique, so too will be the matters the Lord brings up in your hearts in the days leading to your wedding. That’s a good thing! Trust, therefore, that when you write to your spouse in a spirit of prayer and honesty, your words will be significant simply because they’re your own, and perfectly suited to each other’s needs at the present moment with the Holy Spirit’s guidance. Yet the task often still feels daunting; on the first day of your life together, rich with all the emotions and anticipation surrounding your marriage, it’s natural to feel like the pressure’s on.

Here, our advice for ridding yourself of any sense of pressure, comparison, or obligation and getting the words deep in your heart up to the surface and onto paper.

Write freely. Literally.

Freewriting is a technique wherein you write without stopping, getting your thoughts down stream-of-consciousness style, for a designated amount of time. For the moment, you can ignore spelling, grammar, and organization. If, during the time period, you can’t think of what to write next, you keep your pen to the page or fingers to the keyboard anyway. Repeatedly writing a short phrase, drawing a continuous line, across the page, or tapping the keys at random are all effective ways to do this; the underlying idea is that so long as you remain in the mode of writing, words will eventually come. And they do!

A freewrite (consider trying it before the Blessed Sacrament) can be immensely helpful in producing a first draft of your wedding letter. Because you’re continuously writing, there’s no time to feel paralyzed by what to say next or to worry that each paragraph need be perfect before moving on to another idea. From that raw material, you can then order your thoughts and revise for style and word choice.

Make peace with your expectations.

If the last-minute pressures of planning have taken a toll on your emotional and spiritual state, don’t push those feelings aside; enter in, and dare to express them. A wedding letter filled with nothing but bridal bliss might sound ideal, and that’s wonderful if it’s what you’re experiencing. But if you aren’t, rest in the knowledge your husband-to-be isn’t interested in an idealized version of you, but the reality of you. Know that it’s alright not to feel constantly happy and free from stress. Be honest about your struggles, and state your hopes for the ways you and your husband will support and pray for each other throughout your marriage, particularly during times of difficulty.

Consider writing a prayer.

Your letter can take the form of a prayer for your life together, and can be as formal or informal as you’d like. You might consider what values and missions you’d particularly like to embody in your marriage and script a prayer you can read or say together before your Mass and on into your married life, one that will become a part of your family culture. Alternatively, if you enjoy journaling as a form of prayer, consider sharing in your letter some of the musings and intentions you’ve recently written about, or address your letter to God as a prayer of thanksgiving and intercession for your spouse.

Don’t worry about the word count.

Did you ever find yourself with a five-page college writing assignment, max out at page three, then struggle to fill the rest of the requirement, knowing all the while you were weakening instead of strengthening your paper? Some of us are more loquacious, others less wordy. Remember that your wedding letter is the furthest thing from a graded assignment, so strive to feel comfortable with however much or little you’d like to say. If, for instance, you express all you’d like to within just a paragraph or two, rather than the long missive you might’ve initially envisioned, be at peace. When you don’t feel like anything is missing, you’ll know you’ve written the right amount for you, however long or short your letter might be.

Above all, as you compose your letter, remember the Word himself, become flesh for the life of the world. Earthly marriage, too, makes real his incarnate love; a reality so profound the Word can leave us speechless.

Reflections on 10 Years of Marriage

ANDI COMPTON

By the grace of God, my husband Matt and I have now been married for 10 years. We were married on one of Our Lady's feast days, and she really took care of all the details that day and throughout our honeymoon. Twenty-one year old Andi had no idea what the next decade of her life would bring, but standing here on the other side, I’d love to share with you some insights I’ve gained through it all.

Pray for each other unceasingly.

Thank God on your knees for the gift of your spouse and your vocation. Invite him into your decisions, large and small. Even a simple prayer of, “Lord, help me be a good steward of our money while I grocery shop” helps us keep God at the center of our thoughts and reminds us where all our blessings flow from.

There will be seasons.

Some years are just amazing, completely full of grace and tangible joy. Others have felt like overwhelming dark valleys where we’re just barely hanging on together. This is why I love the part in the traditional vows where we promised to love each other for better or worse. Because there really will be better and worse days and seasons.
 

Stay close to the Church.

Make Sunday Mass, Holy Days, and confession a priority for your family. Even on vacation. Even when you have to split up and take kids to different masses. Even when it seems pointless, just go and give yourself to God. Try to go to confession once a month and make a date out of it. If it becomes a habit now, it’s much easier to incorporate kids into the routine later on.

New identities and roles take time to get used to.

It takes awhile getting settled into a new identity as a wife (or a husband) and to set healthy boundaries with family and friends. It’s all trial and error. For me, the two hardest adjustments were learning how to have a roommate and checking in with my husband before making large purchases. As an only child who lived at home until marriage, I’d never really learned how to share my space with others, and I had no idea of all the work it takes to take care of a home (bills, maintenance, cleaning, cooking, and more). I even joked with Matt that we should just get a bunk bed so I didn’t have to share my bed with him. Fast forward to ten years later and I can’t sleep if he’s not there!

Embrace NFP, especially when it's hard to do.

Natural Family Planning has been a real gift to us despite it being something so counter cultural and, some days, a huge spiritual battle for me to want to stick with it. Every couple will have a different experience during different seasons, and I want you to know that it’s okay.

Some couples will choose never to use NFP, joyfully accepting children if and when they come. Others will struggle immensely to abstain during fertile times but know it’s a cross they have to bear for a season. And then there will be those who honestly don’t struggle as much with abstinence and, due to circumstances have to abstain for months or years at a time. I’ve experienced all of the above situations and it’s likely you and your spouse will encounter a wide range of emotions towards how God is calling you to use NFP for the moment. And that's alright.

So long as we hold to the truth that God is in charge of our families, use our best discernment through prayer--individually and as a couple--and bring in a spiritual director if needed, we can make the best decisions for our families.

Learn to be vulnerable.

It takes time and patience to trust another person 100% with your spiritual life, emotions, sexuality, possessions, and the parts of your personality the rest of the world doesn’t see. There have been times in our marriage where that trust has been broken, and when we had to show love for one another by asking forgiveness and working towards complete vulnerability once again. Couples therapy can be a wonderful tool, and there is absolutely no shame in asking for help when you need it.

I think the wedding toast we’ve prepared for our kids pretty much sums up our thoughts on marriage: “May you be a slave to one another, but most of all to Christ.”

What’s one thing you’ve learned in your months or years of marriage that you’d like to share with other brides and wives?

Photography: Rae and Michael Photography | Shoot Location: Rancho Buena Vista Park, Vista, CA | Cake: Mili's Sweets | Andi's Apparel: Shirt, J. Crew. Necklace, Loft. Dress, Adrianna Papell. Shoes, Sam Edelman.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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