Newlywed Life | All for Good
/CORINNE GANNOTTI
Around the time my husband and I were approaching our first wedding anniversary, I sat in our small apartment reflecting.
PHOTOGRAPHY: KARLY JO PHOTOGRAPHY
As I tried to prayerfully contemplate the gift the past year had been, with all its changes and newness, I remembered the question many friends and family members had asked amidst cheerful anniversary wishes: "What's surprised you the most so far in married life?"
I really tried to think about it. I mean, there was a lot. I felt like I had learned so much about myself through the beautiful demands of marriage even just one year in.
I scanned back through the moments that came most easily into my mind's eye. They were a mixture of good and bad and normal. Adventures and dates and last-minute trips we had taken, arguments and misunderstandings that revealed areas where we needed to heal and grow in virtue together, quiet nights just being in each other's presence.
It occurred to me as I leafed back through all those experiences that my feelings about the hard and ugly moments weren't full of the anger or hurt I felt living them. I was shocked at the sense of gratitude and strength that accompanied the memories.
In places where I previously thought only resentment or shame could grow, there was peace.
Something about the fact that we had passed through those painful moments and made it to the other side together was deeply gratifying. We forgave each other and stepped forward. We learned more about each other and how to better love. We tried harder every day.
Marriage draws us into such a beautifully unique kind of relationship. We show up, with our brokenness and baggage, seeking to be loved in entirety. Our spouse seeks the same from us.
This reality is so central to our covenant. "I take you...to have and to hold, from this day forward...for better or worse...until death do us part." We stake our life on fidelity to that promise. In front of God, our family, our friends.
It can be hard sometimes because we are broken people who love imperfectly. Sometimes we disappoint and hurt each other. Sometimes it's better, sometimes worse. But here is the good news. God's very life was present in the exchange of those words, and He has never left us since.
It's such an encouragement to press into the difficult moments in our relationship with our spouse through the lens of the generosity of God. He wastes absolutely nothing. If we continue to seek Him in our lives, even in the midst of our brokenness and struggle, He will use it all for good.
He will take those seemingly ugly and hard moments and craft them into evidence of how deeply we are loved.
They can then become for us signs of how accepted we are by our spouse - that even at our worst, in times of selfishness or anger or whatever it may be, our spouse remains with us, chooses us, and we make it through.
This is an image of the love God the Father has for us manifest in our spouse.
This is not to say that the pain of disagreements, arguments, and disappointments in marriage aren't real and can't be damaging to our relationship. It's not any kind of excuse for real harm done in the context of married love. That is never what God intended for us.
But it is a deep source of hope to know that as we strive to forgive and learn to love our spouse no matter what, we can find God's gracious presence for us in that space.
We keep striving in marriage, and God uses that for good. Even the difficult, not-so-radiantly-beautiful married moments He uses for our sanctification – steps on our journey back to Him.
The most surprising aspect of married life for me at the cusp of that first year, surprises me again and again and likely will forever: God has the power to use every aspect of our marriage to draw us closer to Him.
May we all continue to be surprised by how God takes the imperfections in our marriages and uses them for good. He uses them to transform us and help us understand more deeply the character of His steadfast love.
About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.