The Surprising Activities That Prepared Me for Marriage
/STEPHANIE CALIS
Vocation is truly a school of love.
My husband and I spent our engagement taking in a range of books and talks on marriage, determined to prepare for our life together with intention in purpose. To our surprise, though, so many activities seemingly unrelated to marriage prep revealed a new depth of our personalities and habits to one another, in a more tangible way than any book could teach.
As you anticipate your life together, don’t rule out the daily tasks and hobbies that can facilitate communication, problem-solving, and deeper knowledge of your beloved! Here, the activities that helped shape our married life.
Shopping for your future home
Even when you’re compatible at the deepest levels, most couples’ décor tastes aren’t identical--a fact that might not come to light until you’re preparing for your first home together. The day I brought home rose-colored hand towels I’d (impulsively, if I’m being honest) fallen in love with, my husband raised a wry eyebrow. They looked like something I’d have bought for the apartment I’d shared with female roommates before we were married, he said.
Sometimes humility hurts, but he was right. Picking out items for your home--and more so, assembling them--is an exercise in compromise and honest discussion. But it’s exciting, too, to embrace opportunities to dream together about your future dwelling and the tangible items that will fill it.
Related: Explaining why you’ve chosen not to live together with an appeal to the heart.
Cooking
Are you and your beloved follow-the-recipe-exactly types, or more creative in the kitchen? Do you tend to stick with true-blue favorites or constantly seek out new meals to try? How do you feel about delegating specific tasks to one another?
Since our dating days, my husband and I have loved to cook together. Amid the many sweet memories, though, our time in the kitchen has uncovered the areas of my heart that are reluctant to give up control, encouraging me to grow in trust even through the mundane acts of chopping and measuring. I’ve come to realize--and still find myself constantly reminded--that another person’s manner of doing things differently than me is just that: different, not wrong or bad.
Games
Competitiveness, risk-taking, reacting to success or disappointment...board games and sports have a way of revealing the subtleties of who we are. My husband and I are opposites in this area; as a majorly non-competitive person (I honestly don’t care much if I lose or win!), I enjoy seeing him pursue excellence and model healthy competition and sportsmanship to our children. During our engagement, when we’d play cards with his siblings nearly every weekend, being on the same team was hardly a more apt metaphor for our relationship--a time to strive together, appreciate one another’s skills, and be gracious and affirming with each other’s moves and strategies.
Related: Spoken Bride editors share the hobbies they (and their husbands) love
Planning your honeymoon
I wish I’d known this before marriage, but anticipating one another’s travel habits is something I’ve only recognized in hindsight. On our honeymoon and subsequent first trips together, my husband and I discovered our differing views on matters like how soon to be through security and settled before a flight, how to balance rest and sightseeing in our destination, how much spending was appropriate, and how much of our trip we wished to share on social media during and after. Discussing expectations ahead of time, we now know, sets us up for a harmonious time.
As I reflect back on these unexpected sources of preparation for marriage, I recognize my own littleness. Even years after engagement, I marvel at, struggle with, and grow with all the facets of who my husband is; purified, sanctified, and deeply known in all the details and acts that come together to make a shared life. It’s reassuring, and humbling, to know readiness doesn’t end at the altar: “Woman is given to man so that he can understand himself, and reciprocally man is given to woman for the same end. They are to mutually affirm each other’s humanity, awed by its dual richness.”
About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more