Surprised by Smallness

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JESSICA JONES

 

My husband and I were going to have a 250 person wedding. My sister and her husband were going to have a 150 person wedding. But the year was 2020, and our plans were about to be dashed again and again.

This is not an essay, however, on dashed plans. Instead, I want to talk about the hidden blessings of a pandemic wedding and why I’m so happy my sister and I did not get the weddings of our “dreams.” 

Now, of course, if you’re dreaming of or absolutely loved your huge wedding, that is wonderful! I love big weddings, as is probably clear from the fact that my husband and I at first wanted a large wedding ourselves. 

But now, in hindsight, after having the micro-est of micro-weddings (how’s 15 people for you?) and after attending my sister’s small wedding (50 people at a friend’s house for the reception!), I am ready to say: I’m utterly sold on the small wedding. 

And I hope that one of the many strange and unexpected blessings of this pandemic lasting into the future is that brides-to-be won’t be afraid to have an intimate, down-home wedding and reception.

Let me tell you for a moment how incredible it was.

Time stood still. 

I’ve heard many of my friends talk about how their wedding Mass was a blur; how walking down the aisle was so intimidating with all their friends and family staring; and how they really just wished they could have been in the moment more than they were. With a small wedding, my husband and I found that having only our closest family and friends there gave us immediate peace and security. 

I remember every single moment of our wedding Mass, and I actually got to contemplate and pray for my husband and our marriage as a result. So, while we’re glad to have a video of our Mass to show our children someday, it’s also wonderful to have distinct memories of that Mass and our vows. I consider it the greatest of gifts to have had the tranquility to pray with such attention at the beginning of our marriage.

We played music, danced, ate, and drank until our hearts’ content – and no one kicked us out! 

You may have the reception hall of your dreams picked out (I know I did!), but the pandemic has made me fall completely in love with the beauty, simplicity, and freedom of a home reception. Jam sessions erupted at both my sister’s and my wedding, we danced whenever we wanted for as long as we wanted, celebratory cigars and toasts were happening every fifteen minutes or so – and the end of each evening came naturally. 

It came not with the end of our time at a venue we had no real connection with, but instead ended at the proper moment, with guests belting out the final song which accompanies every WV native’s wedding, “Country Roads.” I just remembered thinking at both receptions, wow – this all feels so natural. It was wonderful.

We heard from all our family and friends at the reception. 

One of my favorite memories of our entire reception is the speeches and words of wisdom we heard from everyone at our reception. Everyone – and I mean everyone – gave a speech, from our maid of honor to our best man, to our parents, to our best friend and priest who married us, to friends from graduate school. And the crowning jewel, which we still talk about to this day, was my husband’s speech. He toasted everyone in the room by telling everyone his first memories of them and why he admired each person. I may be biased, but I think the comfort and intimacy of the moment created an atmosphere for the best toasts I’ve ever heard.

The people who were closest to us were there. 

Again, I thought I wanted a big party. I thought I wanted the 250-person guest list. But recently, after my sister’s and my wedding, I looked back at that extended guest list. And I realized that, in having an extremely trimmed guest list, we ended up with the people who care about us the most. 

I think this tiny list, much more so than the longer list we had, reflects the truth about human relationships. A marriage is sustained by a rather small, but critical set of people who want to be there for you and who have stood the test of time. And, to have this truth reflected at one’s wedding is a powerful thing, for at the beginning of your married life, you are surrounded by those who will truly be with you for your whole lives in support of your marriage.

I hope that the pandemic, then, does change the wedding industry for many brides-to-be! For the naturalness, simplicity, peace, and freedom of an intimate wedding are incredible graces I now wouldn’t trade for anything. What I did not know last year, I know now.

About the Author: Jessica Jones resides in Washington, D.C. and is a Ph.D. candidate in philosophy. Her husband Patrick is also a Ph.D. student in moral theology. These days, you will find her, coffee in hand, writing furiously for her regular job or her dissertation on Plato, playing music with Patrick, winding her way through Julia Child's cookbook, or watching all Richard Linklater and Wes Anderson movies over again.

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