Vendor Week 2021 | Navigating Catholic Dating & Engagement With Confidence

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SARA FEOLINO

 

This February 20-27  is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content, podcast interviews, and social media. Everyday this week, we will share wisdom and expertise of some of our talented Vendors to help you in your wedding planning.

If you are recently engaged, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

My parent’s divorce set me up for failure in my relationships.

I was raised by my single mother because my parents separated when I was still an infant. I didn’t have my dad around all the time to show me how a man should love and so I learned the hard way...

I’ve experienced both ends of the relationship spectrum. Possessive, demanding, manipulating boyfriend to having a boyfriend who didn’t really try to be in our relationship.

In my worst relationship, we fought so often that I would go out of my way to avoid rocking the boat, only to have accidentally rocked it in some other way. Instead of having healthy boundaries and healthy communication, I was faced with demands and ultimatums and being yelled at for things I didn’t know would upset him.

My husband also had his fair share of toxic relationships in the past. He struggled to communicate his needs and emotions and would end up bottling it all up until the dam would burst.

He struggled with things that many couples face like lust, chastity, and pornography. He was actually engaged to another woman that he was with for over five years. But by the grace of God and the help of his spiritual director, he started recognizing these unhealthy habits and behaviors, which led him to make the hard decision of ending the engagement.

I remember him sharing his story openly with me early in our friendship and saw the similarities of experiences we both had.

We realized that no one really taught us how to be in a healthy relationship which resulted in our challenging past.

When we started courting, we decided to do things differently so we wouldn’t repeat what happened in our other relationships.

The most important thing that was missing in all of our past relationships with Christ. We knew that in order for things to change in our relationship, we would have to keep Him in the center. 

We made it a priority to attend daily Mass on most days together, went to Confession often, started a weekly Eucharistic adoration devotion, plugged into a Catholic young adult ministry, and served in our parish together doing youth ministry. We needed His grace to experience healing of our past and find clarity in our discernment together.

We also decided to invest in our own personal and relationship growth. We studied & learned from experts in the areas of relationships, marriage, finances, and so much more and found ways to implement them. We invested in different conferences, events, and courses. We didn’t want to rely on our pre-Cana three day weekend retreat to prepare us for a lifelong marriage. 

We knew that if it took a seminarian nearly a decade to prepare for the priesthood, we had to invest more in our relationship if we wanted our marriage to last a lifetime.

This whole journey of creating a more Christ-centered and growth-focused relationship helped us avoid hurting each other the way our past relationships had. We learned how to communicate our wants and needs, discuss the hard questions and concerns, without fear or tension building between each other.

By developing our skills in our relationship before the wedding day, we confidently entered into our marriage. We were able to work through “tough” situations and take care of it as a team. We are now more proactive in our marriage, not reactive.

In our ministry as premarital relationship coaches, we have seen firsthand the importance of couples intentionally growing in their faith and relationship as they discern marriage. Building the skills of communication, conflict resolution, finances, dating, and more help them have clearer vocational discernment, and enter their marriage with momentum.

See, entering marriage is like entering a battlefield. You don’t win battles by just “winging it” and trying to figure it out while you’re in the heat of things. There needs to be intentional planning & strategizing prior to entering the battle to increase chances of victory. This intentionality before marriage allows couples to be more proactive, rather than reactive, when they experience challenges in their relationship.

The devil despises marriage and divorce is his victory;I’m sure you’ve seen the saddening divorce statistics. However, this can be avoided if we keep Christ in the center, master key relationship skills, live with intention, and never fall complacent!

If you’re reading this right now, whether you’re dating, engaged, or newly married, there is hope for a lifelong marriage.

It doesn’t matter what challenges and struggles you may have experienced in the past, you can create a holy & thriving marriage by the grace of God. His mercy and power is abundant and He is with you always.

Whatever you do, stay proactive in your relationship. Don’t sweep issues under the rug or wait until your relationship is filled with unhealthy habits & behaviors to start working on it. It’s like how you sustain your spiritual life– you receive the sacraments by going to Mass, spend time in Adoration, go to confession, and read spiritual books, all to be proactive with nurturing your faith. You must implement this same type of intention, tenacity & persistence with your relationship if you want it to thrive.

We are praying for all you holy couples on your journey to marriage. God be with you. Stay hopeful, my friends!

About the Author: Sara Feolino & her husband, Raphy, are the founders of Journey to Marriage, a ministry that empowers Catholic couples to create holy and healthy relationships before marriage. She is a Certified Relationship Coach & Wedding Planner. They are hosts of the podcast, Journey to Marriage - For Catholic Brides & Grooms, which reaches couples worldwide, sharing practical spiritual, relationship, & wedding advice. They hosted the first ever virtual conference for couples preparing for marriage, the Catholic Engaged Summit, a virtual event featuring over 60+ married Catholic speakers sharing their marriage secrets & expertise to Catholics around the world. They live in Las Vegas, Nevada and are huge foodies, enjoy jammin’ to Disney & worship songs, burning up the dance floor, and loving on their newborn daughter.

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