Navigating Prayer in a Catholic Dating Relationship

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HANNAH HOLLCRAFT

 

We rightly want to entrust all of our relationships to the Lord, our dating relationships included but figuring out what that looks like with your significant other can be difficult.

One key element to praying together while dating is to keep things simple. As a dating relationship naturally progresses, entrusting your relationship to the Lord together should also follow that progression. Just as we are prudent with our physical bodies and emotional needs, we should also be virtuous with the intimate parts of our spirituality.

With this in mind we should be conscious of how we are weaving our prayer lives together with someone we are dating. Our focus should be our own relationship with Jesus and the way he is speaking to our hearts about the relationship and our own faith journey. When we spend too much time intimately in prayer with someone we are dating, it can be confusing and make it more difficult to make decisions about the relationship from a place of clarity.

Dating is one big lesson in discernment and as such it is a time to really focus on the Lord’s voice in your own personal prayer life. 

The more you are spending time with Him the more you will know and recognize the way he is inviting you to move forward in your relationship or the possibility that he is inviting you away from the relationship because he has greater plans for your life.

When you first begin going on dates with someone, before you’ve stepped into a relationship with them, I would suggest just lifting up your date and that person to the Lord simply from your own heart.

Once you enter an exclusive dating relationship, an easy way to introduce prayer is to choose a memorized prayer you both like and pray that together at the beginning or end of spending time together. Maybe a Memorarae, a Hail Mary or Our Father, or any other prayer you both know and love. This is a good way to take time to entrust your relationship to God, thank him for the joy you find in spending time together, and surrender your desires to his will.

As your relationship gets more serious and you are discerning engagement your prayer together can grow accordingly. One thing my now-husband and I integrated into our dating life at this stage was a daily mass and breakfast date once a week. Sometimes we would talk about the readings or the feast day/memorial over breakfast, but mostly it was just a simple way to come to Jesus together in prayer and offer him our discernment. We also occasionally attended confession or Sunday Mass together.

Related: The Dating Advice I Would Give My Younger Self

This helped us both to picture what living our Catholic faith together might look like in marriage but kept our own personal relationships with the Lord at the forefront. A simple prayer routine that follows the natural progression of the relationship at this stage should do exactly that. It should help you to imagine what living your Catholic faith alongside one another might look like in marriage, remind you that you are each seeking the will of God rather than your own desires, and keep your individual relationships with the Lord the primary place of prayer.

Praying with someone you are dating will appear different from couple to couple. But whatever that might look like, when we allow our prayer to progress prudently it prepares us to move forward in whatever way God is calling us towards vocation, be that engagement and marriage, a different relationship, or towards religious life. While there is a lot that can be said on this topic, I hope that each of you can find peace in this area of dating that doesn't need to be over-complicated.

About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.

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Board Games Suggestions for an Enjoyable At-Home Date Night

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MAGGIE STRICKLAND

 

After my husband and I got engaged, we started asking our newly-married friends for suggestions on building our registry. One answer that we received more than we expected was board games. 

We added a few to our registry, which meant we were prepared to host game nights, but over the years, we’ve added to those original games and figured out which ones are best with a group and which ones can be played easily with just the two of us. 

Leisure is a necessary part of both marriage and the Christian life. Playing board games provide unique opportunities for quality time, laughter, and developing communication skills. And they make a perfect at-home date night or a relaxing Sunday afternoon activity. 

Here are our top three two-person games that you and your spouse can enjoy together. 

Dominion

Dominion was the first game that we really played seriously as a couple; we loved it so much that we invested in several expansion packs and brought several of them along on our delayed honeymoon. This is one of our favorites and the one we almost always go back to.

The premise of this game is that each player is the monarch of a small kingdom who is vying with neighboring monarchs to acquire the most land. This deck-building game starts with small identical decks for each player and an assortment of other “kingdom” cards to buy and build your own custom deck to help you win. The original game stands alone quite easily, but any of the kingdom cards from any expansion can be mixed in, so there is quite a lot of variety.

Bananagrams

I grew up in a Scrabble-playing family, but the one downside to that game is how long it can be, since you have to wait for the other players to come up with a word before you can play again; we have had multi-hour games of Scrabble, which isn’t always conducive to marital harmony when one spouse (in our case, me) is impatient.

We prefer Bananagrams because it doesn’t require a board or score-keeping, and each player goes at their own pace. The game itself is really small – 144 tiles in a banana-shaped bag – which makes it a good game to pack when traveling. Using the tiles, each person constructs their own crossword, trying to use up their letters as quickly as possible. The speed of the game means that sometimes spelling errors are made in pursuit of winning, but we always end up laughing at the words each of us has chosen.

Forbidden Island

We were introduced to Forbidden Island by some new friends whose board game collection is extensive; they recommended it as a good way for us to get to know each other. It was great to play with another couple, because it was interesting to see each others’ communication styles, but it also works well for just two people.

In contrast to the previous two games, Forbidden Island is a cooperative game, in which players must work together to move around an island collecting items before the water level rises too high. Each player takes on a different, but essential role in helping to achieve the goal; there are multiple levels of difficulty, which makes this a good game to go back to. It isn’t a difficult game to learn, which makes it a good starting point for people who aren’t avid board game players, and the design of the board and pieces is beautiful.

One last note: board games can be expensive, especially if you end up not enjoying a particular game, so I recommend trying them before you purchase (or add them to your registry) if that’s possible. Some library systems will allow you to check out board games, or you might ask around to see if anyone you know owns a copy of the game you’re interested in playing.

About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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The Dating Advice I Would Give My Younger Self

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GENEVIEVE ALLEN

 

The man who was my last first date is not my husband.

But he was my type. Perfectly so. He was tall, dark, and handsome. He was college-educated, pursuing a career in a creative field, well-traveled, and a few years older than me. For our date, he took me to a fairy-lit garden full of live music, wine, and delicious food. He was wearing a light blue Oxford shirt, dark jeans, and a confident expression as we got to know each other over the mid-range red he selected for us.

On paper, this was the most perfect first date I’d ever had. This guy was Dream Date. So how did I end up married to someone else?

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

From the age of fifteen, I was almost always in a serious relationship. I dated a few people for long stretches at a time, even if I knew marriage would not likely be the end result. Throughout my decade of serial dating, I considered consulting books about dating with a spiritual perspective; I never read them. Finally, at the age of twenty-five, I decided to consult Jesus.

Weary, like the woman at the well who had had seven husbands but still felt alone, I approached Jesus and asked him to show me what I was doing wrong, and what I needed to do in the future. I saw the array of men I had dated and the attachments I had so easily formed, many of them still intact and causing me pain. Very clearly, I knew I needed to give my dating history over to God and carefully, prayerfully consider how to date going forward.

There was so much peace in my heart as I decided to date intentionally. I would never go on a second date if I couldn’t imagine marrying the person. I wouldn’t fearfully avoid any topics that were important to me: faith, marriage, and kids, for example. 

When I met my husband Dalton, I told him all of this upfront. On our first date at a greasy-spoon diner, I informed him that I would be dating other people, and why. He understood, which surprised me. I continued to see Dalton as I went on other dates. Sometimes I went on one date with a person, sometimes a second or third, but I made no commitments. 

At a Mardi Gras parade about a month later, I met Dream Date. In the parking lot after the date was over, he asked me on a second date. I surprised myself by gently saying no. In spite of the perfection of our date, several things had become clear to me over the previous months and on this date in particular.

Here is some advice I wish I could have given myself before I began dating: 

Age and maturity are related, but they are not the same.

One thing that surprised me about Dalton, my husband, is that although he is five years younger than me, he never seemed immature. In fact, if I tried to guess his age, I would have assumed he was at least as old as me. This was largely due to his quiet confidence and his sense of conviction about what he believed. Dream Date, on the other hand, wasn’t sure what he believed about anything, and he didn’t seem especially interested in figuring it out.

One person for whom age and maturity were related, at least in relationships, was me. It took me ten years and lots of heartbreak to learn how I needed to approach dating. In some aspects of your life, experience will be your best teacher.

You may need to discern. You should never need to wonder.

I wish I had known this. I wish every woman knew this and believed it. 

While dating, you may ask yourself many questions regarding whether you should begin or continue to pursue a relationship. The one question you should NEVER need to ask yourself, at least after a first date, is whether a guy likes you. If he is in any way worth your time, you will know. Even Dream Date, although he wasn’t right for me, was clear in his intentions about this.

Be clear about what you need and what you want in a marriage, and be willing to acknowledge the difference.

It’s crucial to know what you must have in a spouse and what is simply not important. It’s also crucial to know that you may be confused about this. Here’s a tip to help you clarify:

When considering qualities you would like to have in a future husband, make two lists:

The first list should be things you would like to see in him on a first date. Be honest and detailed in your requests. Does he have dark hair and kind eyes? Is he confident as he orders? Does he tell (modestly, and only when you ask) about the fact that he graduated summa cum laude with a Ph.D in 19th century British literature?

The second list should be things you would like to see in him at three in the morning on a night when one of your children is sick. Or when one of you has lost a job. Or when one of your parents has just died. Be honest and detailed in your requests. Is he patient and kind? Does he shoulder his portion of the responsibility? Is he willing to shoulder all of the responsibility if necessary? Can you see yourself laughing with him? Can you see yourself crying, with no makeup and in stained sweats? 

The first list is more fun to make. The second list is vital. Both are important. An ideal husband should have at least a few qualities from the first list, and all, or nearly all, from the second. Keep both lists in mind as you meet new people. Be open-minded, but hold fast to your convictions.

After my last first date, I called up Dalton and told him boldly that I wanted to see him. I had finally learned how to date, just in time to get married.

About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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