Elise's Wedding | Our Favorite Marriage-Prep Resources

SAVE THE DATE ... our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

(Photos: Meaghan Clare Photography)

Over the last few years, Hunter and I have developed our own library of favorite marriage and engagement-focused resources. I'm excited to share them with you today in anticipation that they bless you and your significant other, as well. 

The Temperament God Gave You/ God Gave Your Spouse by Art and Laraine Bennett: These books by a Catholic married couple, one a licensed marriage therapist and one with a Masters in philosophy break down certain tendencies, virtues, and weaknesses particular to the four temperaments of classical philosophy, with a solid spiritual element added in. They were so eye-opening to me! Although Hunter and I both agreed not everyone fits perfectly into the four temperament profile, it's is definitely a great place to start understanding yourself and your significant other in a deeper manner. 

The Jeweler's Shop by Karol Wojtyla: Not to be dramatic, but this is, hands down, my favorite piece of literature of all time. I first saw this play performed during my sophomore year in college and have read it at least five times since. I even wrote a paper on it in graduate school! The future JPII's play focuses on three different couples, all at different stages of their relationships. I can't recommend it enough! 

Three to Get Married by Fulton Sheen: This was also a very formative book for Hunter and me. Fulton Sheen taught at our alma mater, Catholic University, and was a brilliant priest. He talks about the ins-and-outs of marriage in a down to earth way while still communicating the mystery of the sacrament. 

Amoris Laetitia by Pope Francis: Hunter and I are currently reading this encyclical with our marriage mentors. After reading just the first chapter, I was completely blown away. The Pope definitely gathers the wisdom of the Church while also discussing the hardships and challenges that couples and families encounter as they live and breathe their vocation.  

Theology of the Body Institute: I haven't attended a course at the TOB Institute yet but I've had several friends attend and they have raved about it.

Through the Bible and Catholic tradition, Theology of the Body explains that our bodies reveal the deepest mysteries of God and humanity. 

Wherever you are in your faith journey, the Theology of the Body Institute is an awesome way for you and your fiancé to grow in your understanding of God's design for your marriage. 

Called to Love by Carl Anderson: I read this book while attending the John Paul II Institute, and it's incredible. If you don't have the means to attend the Theology of the Body Institute, I highly recommend Called to Love as a great alternative. Carl Anderson is the Supreme Knight of Columbus and makes St. Pope John Paul II's teaching on Theology of the Body applicable and accessible. 

By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride by Alice von Hildebrand: This book has made me feel much less alone during my engagement! The format is an older Alice writing to a new bride, Lily. Lily pours out her heart to Alice about newly married life. Lily's problems, fears and excitement are relatable, Alice's words refreshing and encouraging. 

Beloved by the Augustine Institute: Beloved is a 12-week DVD and study guide series for engaged or married couples. This is a great resource for education if you are your fiancé are looking to go a bit further in preparing for marriage or improving your relationship. Although Hunter and I haven't gone through the program personally, it's come highly recommended by several friends. It looks incredible and I'd love us to go through it eventually. 

The Little Oratory By Leila Lawler: One of my favorite books that I've read during marriage preparation! Leila is the mother of a college classmate and runs the successful blog Like Mother, Like Daughter. In The Little Oratory, Leila discusses how families can incorporate liturgical living into their everyday lives through prayer and intentional living. There are also beautiful icon images included with the book that make for a beautiful beginning to your own oratory. 

I'd love to hear your additions to this list! What are your favorite resources for marriage preparation? Share them in the comments below!

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About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

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How to Talk About Cohabitation, Part 1 | An Appeal to the Heart.

STEPHANIE CALIS

In an age where more than half of marriages begin with cohabitation and the majority of cohabiters view their living situation as a step towards marriage (whether that would entail a "slide" into marriage or an active decision), waiting until after your wedding to live together has come to be perceived as, at least, counter-cultural and at most, foolhardy. Well-meaning friends and family might receive news of your engagement with, "So are you going to move in soon?"

It's tempting to answer questions like these with an emphatic "Of course not," followed by a discourse on Church teaching. Honestly, though? That approach might not win many converts to your point of view; or, if not conversion, at least a clearer, more reasoned understanding of your views. Engagement is rich with potential minefields of moral questions from those you know, which also makes it rich with potential opportunities: occasions to truly listen to and see another and to defy stereotypes of what evangelization is all about.

Truth speaks for itself

I've become convinced that in many ways, the what of arguments in favor of the Catholic faith are secondary to the how of the way you present them. It's true that the Church's position on waiting until you are a married couple to act like a married couple is nonnegotiable. It's in the best interest of the person's capacity for virtue and true freedom. Yet often, appeals to authority and argument often aren't nearly as compelling as appealing to the human heart.

What I mean by an appeal to the heart is this: when you're living out your words, actions, sexuality, and identity as they're meant to be lived--that is, with the intention of cultivating authentic love and self-sacrifice, eyes fixed on heaven--there is something so arresting, so captivating, so eminently noticeable. In the case of engagement, a couple who chooses to forego convenience and to practice sexual self-control embodies self-gift. Their relationship witnesses to the truth of who we are, and the truth that joy flows from love’s demands. Love centered on Christ and on the other speaks for itself, all without saying a word.

A way to explain why you aren’t living together before marriage

But words are most likely going to come up at some point. So what's a faithful couple to say?

It’s possible to create a non-religious ethos without compromising your religious beliefs--after all, we as Catholics believe that the Father’s plan for our freedom and happiness aligns with natural law and natural virtue. When someone asks why you and your fiancé have chosen not to live together before marriage, consider asking him or her what the point of serious dating and engagement actually are. Once a relationship is serious, both people are committed to each other to some degree, whether that commitment has been communicated verbally or through an engagement ring.

If, during that time, the couple is preparing for the long term (in whatever way that looks like to them--cohabitation for many secular couples, and ideally not cohabitation for faithful ones), it's important to know what strengths and good qualities your partner possesses, and how their virtues will help you yourself to grow in virtue. Someone who opts to live together before marriage is essentially saying she is okay living and sleeping with someone she isn’t married to. A wedding ring won't automatically change that outlook.  

Granted, the likelihood of unfaithfulness in the context of this argument is a little extreme; there are certainly couples who live together and genuinely will good things for each other. Ultimately, though, the fact that your partner wants the fun trappings of married life but not the true commitment of having spoken marriage vows shows a lack of self-discipline and patience. Would most people want to be married to someone who could control their desires and say no, or to someone who couldn't?  

Choosing to wait until after the wedding to move in is a way to grow in that discipline and self-control. So, the point of a committed relationship isn't to see how much one can get from the other--the convenience, fun, and romance of living together before marriage, that is--but how much one can give, by loving selflessly.

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If you’re reading this and you are living with your fiancé, believe that the Father knows your heart and the intentions behind that choice. He loves you so tenderly, desiring only your best good in a specific, personal way. It’s not too late to change your living arrangements before your wedding or to make the choice to abstain from sex until you’re married. It’s a bold, hard, and possibly inconvenient choice, but one that will strengthen your marriage before it starts by refining your ability to lay your desires down for the sake of the other.

Check back in two weeks for the conclusion of this post, including practical ways to practice for married life without moving in together or diminishing the virtue and true freedom found in chastity.

Meantime, dialogue is so needed in this commonplace conversation, and we'd love your input: in your experience, has the question of cohabitation come up from friends and family members? Anything you'd like to add on the question of how to witness to the Catholic faith in an authentic way and how to answer questions about why you're waiting to move in together?

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Let God Plan Your Marriage Prep: Concrete Ways to Prepare for Marriage Even Before Setting a Date

THERESA AKRE LANCHONEY

When my fiancé Andrew and I got engaged we decided not to set a date right away, concerned that as soon as we started planning the wedding day, our thoughts would become consumed with details and to-dos. We wanted to ensure we had time to focus on us as couple and prepare for our whole marriage, not just our wedding day. For us, we knew briefly holding off on choosing a date would safeguard this time in our relationship.

During this time of waiting to set our wedding date, we made a decision to spend those months pursue marriage preparation over wedding planning. But we needed to figure out what exactly that would look like: How would we prepare for marriage? How would we focus on our relationship?

Our diocese requires a pre-Cana program, yet we felt our engagement would additionally benefit from something richer. By the grace of God we were already working with a wonderful priest who will be officiating our wedding, so together we started researching books and programs. My fiance and I considered couples we admired and might like to sit down with, and we asked other couples what they did for their marriage prep. It wasn’t long before we were completely overwhelmed!

The Church is becoming increasingly aware of how crucial good marriage preparation is, which means there’s an increasing number of excellent books, programs, and other resources devoted to it. We really didn’t know how to choose, or whose advice to take, when we realized it: Who better to decide than God, our loving Father? So we started praying something like this:

"God you know us and what we need. We are overwhelmed by the amount of options to aid us in our marriage preparation. Please be the one in charge of this. Please plan out and show us what we should do. We trust you.”

Soon after beginning this particular prayer, things started falling into our laps. First, a friend told us about the book Spousal Prayer by Deacon James Keating, which encouraged and strengthened Andrew’s and my prayer life together. Then, the Theology of the Body Institute opened its first-ever marriage retreat to engaged couples, and a friend paid for us to go as an early wedding present. After that, Andrew was finally able to attend the Theology of the Body I Course at the Institute, which we had been trying to make happen for over a year. Both gave us a deeper understanding of what marriage and love truly are and require.

Then, friends called and said they were taking a Dave Ramsey class just down the block from where I lived; would we want to do it with them? We initially didn’t realize this was a way the Lord was preparing us for marriage, thinking it was a great excuse to see close friends on a more regular basis, and who couldn’t use a little help managing money? But, boy did God have more in store for us than that! This class didn’t just give us a little help. It taught us how to communicate about money and set us on a path to financial health and responsibility, giving us tools to stay on that path for the rest of our lives.

After all this, we discerned that the time was now right to start considering a wedding date and signing up for diocesan requirements. We registered for NFP and pre-Cana, which for our diocese involves attending Living a Joy-Filled Marriage and God’s Plan for Joy, two programs designed by Ascension Press. These programs provided so many necessary tools we will need for our marriage and helped us begin implementing things like charting my cycle and making important decisions together. It was around this time that we also set our wedding date! We are now living in the joyful tension of preparing for our wedding day and our marriage.

The only thing that still felt missing was a mentor couple. We had identified couples we thought might be a good fit for us and had approached a few of them, but nothing really panned out. Asking for mentorship, we learned, was a somewhat awkward conversation because we didn’t entirely know what were looking for, just that we wanted guidance and wisdom from a couple further along in the journey of their vocation than we were.

Then, while I was working on this very article, one of the couples we'd had in mind, whom we hadn’t spoken with, called me out of the blue and said something along the lines of, “Hey, my wife and I have been talking about how we would love to mentor an engaged couple and share some of the things we have learned. You and Andrew came to our hearts and we were wondering if you would like us to be a mentor couple.” I could hardly believe that after all the Lord had given us, he was making this so easy!

All this is certainly not to say that you cannot prepare for your marriage and plan your wedding at the same time, as we did at the beginning of our engagement. It is to say that I recommend taking the time to figure out what is best for you and your relationship and inviting the Lord into that process.

We want God, who is Love, to be a part of our marriage. This season of preparing for it has become a constant invitation to God into our relationship.

I hope that my sharing what the Lord provided for my fiancé and I introduces you to some resources that are new to you  and encourages you to rely on the Lord in preparing for your marriage. He truly can be trusted with every little detail in our lives. He desires so deeply to guide and provide for us, if only we come before him and ask.

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Theresa is the oldest of seven children. She graduated from Purdue University in 2010 with a degree in Youth, Adult and Family Services. Following graduation, she moved from Indiana to Pennsylvania to work for the Theology of the Body Institute and has been there since. She loves hiking, drinking coffee on the porch, sunrises, the ocean, Frank Sinatra, laughing and a good cocktail. She is engaged to marry Andrew on November 5, 2016 and asks your prayers over their engagement and marriage. INSTAGRAM

Editors' Picks | Vol. 3: Bridal Accessories

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon related.

Timeless or trendy, we get that it's the details that create a personal, unforgettable bridal ensemble. To dress and adorn yourself for your beloved is to make of yourself a gift. Though, of course, adornment isn't a requirement--you and your husband-to-be are self-gift in the sacrament of marriage simply because you are--choosing the jewelry, shoes, headpieces, bags, and other accessories that will accompany your gown is one of the most fun parts of planning. Each item you wear takes on the significance of something special. Not sure where to start? Here, from some retailers known and loved and some lesser-known treasures, a few of our favorites to suit a range of styles.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Hair Adornments by Twigs and Honey: Offering everything from a hair vine to a hair pin, these elegant adornments will create the flower crown look without going to the florist. Pair one of these dainty beauties with a simple, relaxed hairdo.

Shoulder Jewelry by Blair Nadeau Millinery: Have a simple dress and looking to add a bit more sparkle? I love these shoulder necklaces. Both delicate and ornate, shoulder jewelry is like the new bolero. 

Juliet Veil Caps by Erica Elizabeth: I am preparing a styled shoot for my business and have been eyeing these Juliet cap veils for a while now. I love how they are Shakespearean meets The Great Gatsby with a modern, ethereal twist.

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Andi, Public Relations + Vendor Outreach

Custom Family Rosary by Rosaries to Treasure: Have one custom-made with your husband's and you birthstones and that of your wedding month to carry in your bouquet, and later on, create one with the birthstones of your children! All of these rosaries are handmade and one-of-a-kind. I also love the shop's pearl rosaries for weddings and first communions.

Tieks! I jumped on the  bandwagon and bought a pair of their metallic gold flats. I live in flats. Between running around with my kids and at events I need a simple shoe that is comfy and can dress up or down. This is it. There are a ton of color choices; my favorites for brides are the ballerina pink and the bright aqua blue.

Silver Leaf Crown by Acute Designs: These crowns are handmade and so ethereal!

 Plaid Flannel Robe by Chez Blanc: Satin floral robes are everywhere right now, but now that it's fall and the weather is (supposed to be) cooling down, how about a cozy flannel robe? I love the checks combined with lace details.

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Stephanie, Co-Founder + Content Manager

Faux Fur Stole by Sheeta Design: For outdoor portraits at a rustic Fall or Winter wedding, the combo of drama and coziness is unbeatable. White is classically bridal, but my pick would be the tan shade for subtle contrast and a versatility that extends beyond wedding wear.

Marchesa Sunrise Cluster Earrings: I think the rose gold engagement ring trend is just beautiful. These statement studs, with stones in different blush hues, add warmth and sparkle that complements both rose and yellow gold rings. They'd be gorgeous as part of a vintage-inspired or classic ensemble.

Jack Rogers Eve Sandals: Although I've lived elsewhere, I'm a born and bred East Coast girl with a forever love for preppy-inspired footwear. Jackie O. popularized the Jack Rogers brand's classic Navajo sandals, which lots of brides choose, with good reason! But I like the delicacy and bit of height this Eve style offers for a bridal look--a twist on timeless.

Lace Bandeau by Blush Fashion: Filling in a low sweetheart neckline or paired with a high-waist skirt and sheer blouse as part of a multi-piece look, this handmade lace top, with its pretty floral pattern and delicate scallops, can be worked into your ensemble in multiple ways.

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Elise, Social Media + Marketing

Christianne + Ruthie Flats by BHLDN: I bought my wedding dress from BHLDN, Anthropologie's wedding line, so I know I'll be returning in the spring to browse their wedding accessories. I've known for a long time that I'll be wearing flats on my wedding day and I'm eyeing these two pairs for their gorgeous sparkle! 

Embellished Exit Dress by Kate Spade: Planning to leave your reception in a dress other than your wedding gown? Kate Spade's bridal line never lacks cute and flirty options.

Personalized Bridal Party Robes by The Applewood Lane: There's no better way to start your wedding day than feeling pretty while getting your hair and makeup done with your bridesmaids. These particular matching robes come in such a rainbow of colors and personalization options that you're sure to find choices that match or complement your wedding colors.

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We love making new discoveries through each of you! Help our community grow and share some of the bridal accessories you have your eye on in the comments!

3 Thoughts on Being an "Older" Bride

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Most “older” Catholic engaged couples--and their well-meaning family and friends--could easily articulate the downsides to getting married later in life: you’re more set in your ways, you're likely to have more relationship baggage, you have fewer years in which to have children, it’s more difficult to merge your lives together when you’ve been single for so long...

As a 32-year-old, recently engaged Catholic, I’ve meditated on--and sometimes been a bit freaked out by--all of these factors. At the end of the day I always come back to Pope St. John Paul II’s famous dictum: “In the designs of Providence, there are no mere coincidences.”

Photography: Zélie Veils

As much as I lamented being single, to varying degrees, over the past decade, I’m deeply grateful for the fact that I’m getting married at this point in my life. Not because I think it’s crazy to get married young; I have many dear friends and family members who married fresh out of college and in their early twenties. It's because I wasn’t in a position, emotionally or spiritually, to get married right out of college at 22. And so, in an effort to encourage my fellow Catholic brides in their 30s, and my friends who are still waiting for their future husbands, I present to you:

The Three Best Things About Being an Older Catholic Bride:

I’ve been to a LOT of weddings.

I don’t know if I could accurately count how many weddings I’ve been to since my college graduation, but it’s definitely in the double digits. I do know that I’ve been a bridesmaid in six of those weddings and have spent thousands of dollars on flights, dresses, and gifts for the couples whose nuptials I’ve helped celebrate. Some of the weddings were over-the-top platinum style and others were potlucks. I’ve seen everything from horse-drawn carriages transporting the bridal party to the reception site, to professional dancers performing at the reception, to the bride and groom taking the stage to perform with their own band. I’ve been to breathtakingly beautiful nuptial Masses, complete with full-on choirs, and to ten minute-long non-Catholic weddings that began with a slideshow of the couple (no joke).

At this point, it feels like I’ve seen it all. And that is a huge blessing--not only because I’ve been able to celebrate with so many people I love, but because I have a much better idea of what I want and don’t want to do at my own wedding. For example, I’ve been part of quite a few bridal parties that were so large it was impossible to remember everyone’s name, let alone have a peaceful pre-wedding time with the bride. So I opted for a family-only cohort of bridesmaids: just my two sisters, my sister-in-law, and my cousin-who-might-as-well-be-my-sister. I love that they already know each other, I can trust them all to pick out their own dresses because they all have great taste, and that I won’t have to fight them on any bachelorette party details.

I have lots of married friends.

It sounds trite, but I have learned so much from my married friends and siblings. Attending their weddings, spending time with their families, and babysitting their children has been an educational experience par excellence. My sister (married 7 years; three girls) and my dear friend (married almost ten years; two boys, two girls, and one on the way) get the biggest shout-outs here, because they have shared more with me about their struggles and joys as married women raising little ones than anyone else.

I love that I can ask these women anything and get an authentic answer without the sugarcoating. They love being moms and wives, but they are real about the hard stuff--and there’s a lot of hard stuff! Thanks to them, and all of my married friends, I’m much less naive and unrealistic about marriage and motherhood than I used to be (let’s just say that hyper-idealized romantic comedies were not my friend as a teenager and young twenty-something). I think these encounters with reality, the joy and the struggles, will be really helpful once I do get married and (God-willing) have children of my own.

I’ve had more time to work on my stuff.

From my point of view, this is by far the best thing about being 32 and about to get married. Back when I was 22, even though I desired marriage more than anything else in the world--which was symptom of my emotional immaturity--I was in no way, shape, or form even remotely healthy enough to unite my life to another’s. I think I knew this on some deep level, but when you watch so many of your dear friends enter joyfully into marriage right out of college, it’s hard not to think your ship has sailed and you’re doomed to roam the planet alone forever.

The thing is, though, I was wrong. I wasn’t doomed. And I wasn’t ready. Not even close. The Lord had a journey for me to go on, and lots of therapy for me to do, and he wanted me to do it without a husband and children in the mix.

All of this being said: I know lots of women who got married young and who have had beautiful, happy marriages. They grew up and went through the craziness of their 20s with their husbands, and often children, in tow. That was part of God’s plan for them, and I’m so thankful for my friends who began the adventure of marriage in their twenties, because they’ve paved the way for my fiance and me, and for countless other “older” Catholic couples.

I didn't meet my fiance Kristian until a month after my 31st birthday, and a couple of months after his 40th. We had a whirlwind courtship and got engaged a few weeks shy of our six month anniversary. As counterintuitive as it may sound, it doesn't feel like we're rushing into anything; the pace of our relationship has always felt natural. But as most "older" couples will tell you, the cliche "when you know, you know" rings truer when you've had longer to get to know yourself apart. Only July 28th, 2016, I was able to say Yes to Kristian with a depth of conviction 22-year-old Christina wasn't capable of, and for that, I have the Lord and his mercy to thank.

After a decade of prayers, tears, and hoping against hope, and the past seven months of living the answer to those prayers, I am confident that if you approach your vocation with prayer and openness to God's will, He will give you what you need at the proper time. Whether you're 32, or 22, or 42, and regardless of how much (or how little) you and your fiance have been through before you meet, the Lord can make something beautiful out of your union. I hope and pray that Kristian’s and my marriage will be a sign of hope to many, and that we can help build up and encourage our single and married friends through our Yes to the Lord on December 29th.

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Christina Grace Dehan is a catechist, high school theology teacher, freelance writer, and lover of beauty. She lives in Austin, TX and can't wait to marry her wonderful fiance Kristian in December. She blogs at The Evangelista, where more of her love story is published. BLOG | TWITTER | INSTAGRAM

Spoken Bride 1K Giveaway | Win a Handmade Lace Cathedral Veil!

In four short months we've reached 1000 followers on Instagram! All praise and glory be to God, and much love and thanksgiving to you for your support through prayer, social media engagement, and the sharing of your hearts and love stories with our community. Our prayer is this: that the work of Spoken Bride belong not to us but to providence, that we may be worthy vessels of our mission, perfected only by grace, and that the Holy Spirit inflame the couples who encounter that mission.

To celebrate, we're partnering with Olive and Cypress Photography to give away the gorgeous veil featured below. Handmade by Kristen of Gilded Shadows, an Austin-based shop that sources local and vintage materials and donates a portion of profits to charity, this light ivory, cathedral-length mantilla veil is entirely handmade and is edged in the prettiest, most delicate eyelash lace. One look tells us you won't be the last woman to wear it; it's truly a beautiful, heirloom-worthy piece.

Image: Olive & Cypress 

Here's how to enter (one entry per person):

1. Follow @spokenbride on Instagram
2. Comment with your favorite part of planning your wedding
3. Tag a bride (in your comment) who could use a little Spoken Bride in her life!

The giveaway is open now until Sunday, Oct 9, 2016 at 11:59pm EST/ 8:59pm PST. Winner will be randomly selected and notified via Instagram on Monday, October 10, 2016.

That's it! Head on over to Instagram for your chance to walk down the aisle adorned in this beautiful piece.

"The Church veils holy things—the tabernacle is veiled, behind the veil is the Body of Christ, and I am a vessel of life. A living tabernacle."

Click here to read the official giveaway rules. 

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Elise's Wedding | Why It Matters That We're Marrying in a Church, and Choosing Our Mass + Reception Locations

ELISE CRAWFORD

SAVE THE DATE ...our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

Photography: Meaghan Clare Photography at The Shrine of St. Anthony 

Hunter and I now are in the thick of wedding planning! In the last month, we looked at 10 different reception venues (!) and three different church locations. In the spirit of honesty... this process was much more difficult than I expected.

After viewing all of the venues, we chose a church for the Mass, one five minutes from my parents' home, and a beautiful reception venue located about 15 minutes from the church. We booked both for August 5, 2017. Well, one week after we did so, the reception venue called and informed us that August 5th was no longer available! Long story short, we ended up pushing our wedding back one week and booking another church.

Needless to say, this whole experience was a bit stressful. Coordination between the church and reception venue was not the easiest. So why, as Catholics, do we value the location of our wedding ceremonies? Why do we need to marry in a church? Why couldn't I just get married at my reception location? 

According to Canon Law, a couple who wishes to be married in the Catholic Church must do so according to canonical form. This means a marriage between two Catholics, or between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic, is to be celebrated in a formal church setting. Those who wish to wed someplace else, say outdoors, must obtain permission from their Diocesan Bishop. This is a true possibility, but receiving this permission isn't very easy. In order for a dispensation to be granted, there must be a grave reason why the couple cannot marry within a church. 

So, does the Church just want to cramp our style? Does it just like limiting our choices for wedding locations to make things difficult? Of course the answer is no! But why?

The answer goes back to the fact that marriage, at its core, is a sacrament. At the moment of our vows, Hunter and I will be entering into a sacred bond, something that exists beyond just the two of us. This 'yes' to each other involves not only our decision to marry, but it also involves our Creator, our Redeemer and our Lover, Jesus Christ. The act of having a wedding within the Church is a reminder of our origin as human beings. We were created in Love and it is within the presence of God, Love itself, that we promise a forever love to each other as husband and wife. 

As Catholics, we recognize the sacredness of a physical church. Not only is it a place of prayer and peace, it is the home of the Eucharist. One could argue that yes, we do find God's presence everywhere-- in nature, in every day moments--but it is within a church, in the presence of Jesus' body and blood, that we find him fully: body, blood, soul and divinity. The Catholic Church recognizes the beauty and sacredness of marriage and therefore asks couples to share in that sacredness on their wedding day; to enter into the sacrament of marriage in the presence of God himself ,asking him to be present with them as they begin their life together. 

Paulist Father Larry Rice wrote, "A church isn't just a set or backdrop for a wedding; rather, a wedding is an expression of a faith community's joys and hopes." One of the most humbling parts of planning a wedding is realizing that it's really not all about you and your fiancé. Suddenly everyone, not just the two of you, has an opinion about the photographer, the food, and the bridesmaid dresses! No matter how stressful, this is a good thing. Planning your life with your future spouse should involve your friends and family. It truly is a communal effort. Sacraments, including the sacrament of marriage, belong not only to the person or people receiving the sacrament, but to those they love and who love them. 

A sister once told me that a vocation, either to religious life, marriage or priesthood, is truly for the whole Church, the whole world. She is so right. Holding your wedding in a Catholic church is a beautiful act of surrendering your marriage, not only to God in asking for His guidance, but to the Church as a whole. By getting married in a church, you are making a statement to your community that says, 'Our marriage belongs to God, our Church, our families and our friends." Like the Eucharist, a married couple is meant to be broken and given. Their talents, love and future family are truly a gift to everyone they encounter. Through good times and bad, the couple will strive to make a gift of themselves to those around them. 

If you're having a difficult time accepting the Church's teaching on your wedding location, take heart. You are not alone! Pray to Our Lady and ask for her to show you the sacred beauty of the Church. Spend time in your local parish praying; open your heart to the beauty of the Tabernacle in front of you. 

Any brides out there that have struggled with finding a reception venue or Church location? Share your experience below in the comments! As always, please pray for Hunter and I as we continue on this journey toward the sacrament of marriage! 

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About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

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Not for the Perfect: How I Came to Accept, and Value, NFP.

CLAIRE WATSON

I love being Catholic. My husband loves being Catholic. But unfortunately we aren’t always the pearly white beacons of holiness we aspire to be. Sometimes we curse at our phones when they don't work. Last time I went to Adoration, I ended up texting someone to come relieve me after an hour. Often, we are that brassy Catholic family that talks too loud and drinks green beer on Saint Patrick’s Day.

That being said, I do try to honor the faith. First and foremost, I follow my conscience. I don’t ascribe to blind acceptance of dogma, but I do give the Church a running start and try to understand her teachings, even when I initially disagree.

Image: Claire Watson Photography

Before I got married I was a virgin, and I was pretty proud of that accomplishment (I know; pride ain’t pretty). So when I got engaged and started learning about chastity within marriage, I was miffed. I thought,

I’ve waited 28 years to have sex. Now you’re telling me that I have to wait even more if I don’t want to pop a bun in this oven?! Not fair. And what about the fact that the time that I am most … amorous… is the time that I’m most fertile and therefore won’t be able to have sex with my husband? How is that okay? How is that not sexist and a barrier between spouses?!

With that mindset, I promised, despite my irritation, that I would give the Church’s position a fighting chance. My fiancé was on board, and we agreed we would read the Church’s reasoning, talk with couples that practiced Natural Family Planning (NFP), and come to a thoughtful decision before our wedding night.

As we trudged through thinking, reading, and praying, something weird happened. I started getting mad at other institutions instead of the Church: why have so many feminists decided disfiguring the female pattern celebrates womanhood? Why do we throw 14 year old girls on hormones but buy organic hamburgers (the risks of the Pill speak for themselves)? After I started asking questions, specifically about the Pill’s shortcomings, my heart was softened to the Church’s reasoning for avoiding artificial birth control. The Church’s reasoning seemed sound, but what made it stick for me was something else; something not typically associated with birth control.

The Catholic Church cares about sex. A lot. NFP is not about putting the kibosh on your sex life. It’s simply telling you to not separate sex and the possibility of fertility. NFP recognizes that God built a pretty amazing pattern into women--even if you’re not sold on NFP just yet, at least check out the science for the sake of nerding out. Women’s cycles have a pattern of natural, fairly predictable times of higher and lower fertility. Because it’s part of a woman’s design, recognizing it and using it is not a perversion of that design.

The Church encourages husbands and wives to prayerfully consider their lives and means before attempting to conceive. However, this also calls couples to recognize that sex is always a potentially creative act. NFP seeks to “reflect the dignity of the human person within the context of marriage and family life, promotes openness to life, and recognizes the value of the child. By respecting the love-giving and life-giving nature of marriage, NFP can enrich the bond between husband and wife.”

And while I couldn’t possibly get into all the ways I think NFP has helped our marriage, I will say NFP has made me feel incredibly empowered.

It keeps our lines of communication open and keeps our sex about sex--it makes me feel so icky when I hear sitcoms joke about sex as a bargaining chip.

Now then, on to the thing that made it all click for me. Something that may turn you off. Something that would probably irritate a lot of your Facebook friends. Stay with me…

Life is neither to be refused nor demanded.

I was already pro-life, and I was tenuously coming around on the birth control issue, but honestly, I had never thought of the “life demanded” part of the issue. The Church denounces In vitro fertilization for the same reason it denounces artificial birth control: because it separates sex and fertility. This matter includes everyone from gay couples who desire a child to traditional couples who mourn an inability to naturally conceive.

And my heart goes out to them. I cannot sweepingly, callously announce to you that every person engaging in IVF is simply stomping their feet and demanding a baby. If anything, the teaching that there are moral limits to achieving pregnancy is harder to swallow than the teaching that there are moral limits to avoiding pregnancy. Sex and fertility are connected, and they’re important.

As a teen, a poem from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet about the relationship between children and adults really stuck with me. Gibran explained that if children are arrows, parents are not archers; they are the bow. In my youth I pondered how this meant parents shouldn’t try to control their children’s destinies. But Gibran’s words come back to me when I now consider adults seeking to become parents: 

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you...

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow…

In short, we do not own our children and cannot command or deny their existence. This is the basis for both sides of the NFP spectrum. God intended for sex and conception to go hand in hand. To separate the two, either for achieving or avoiding pregnancy, corrupts his creation and intention. If one’s body is injured or has a defect, there’s nothing wrong with attempting to cure the body so that it can conceive--that is in line with design. But separating sex and conception rejects that design.

Though my body is my own, my temple was built by God. And even while sometimes I’d love to change some things about my body, it is beautifully designed. The fact that God gifted me with fertility and breaks from fertility is something I no longer take for granted. It turned out all the Church needed was that running start and open mind.

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Claire Watson daylights as an attorney in West Virginia and side hustles as a photographer. She and her husband run their parish youth group.

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Divine Romance: a Collection of Patrons + Prayers for Your Relationship

The communion of saints is also rich with holy men and women whose lives and spiritualities speak to spousal love, self-sacrifice, and beautiful witnesses to marriage. If you're in search of saints whom you can call upon during your engagement and beyond, as well as devotions you can add to your daily prayers, we have a particular love for...

IMAGE CREDIT: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

St. Josemaria Escriva

The priest who founded Opus Dei rooted his prayer, writings, and homilies in the universal call to holiness. He viewed small, ordinary daily tasks as a path to sanctity, particularly for the laity. "Husband and wife will listen to each other and to their children," he wrote, "showing them that they are really loved and understood. They will forget about the unimportant little frictions that selfishness could magnify out of proportion. They will do lovingly all the small acts of service that make up their daily life together.” This novena, inspired by one of Escriva's homilies on marriage, has one set of prayers for the engaged and another for married couples, with piercing reflections on vocation, chastity before and after marriage, suffering and forgiveness, and creating a peaceful, loving home. Feast Day: June 26th

St. Joseph

It's beautiful to imagine the affection and pure love Joseph and Mary must have shown each other and the joys and trials they must have experienced while raising the son of God together. The novena to St. Joseph invokes this great man's strength as a husband and father and his guardianship of the Holy Family. Feast Day: March 19th

St. Gianna Beretta Molla

A wife and mother for modern times, Gianna Beretta Molla famously refused to abort her unborn fourth child in spite of grave pregnancy complications, at the cost of her own life. Gianna's relationship with her beloved husband, Pietro, is worth contemplation and admiration, as well. They constantly wrote each other love letters, were free and sincere in their expressions of love, and even years after Gianna's death, Pietro continued to praise her holy example and ask her intercession for their children. Feast Day: April 28th

St. Raphael

This Archangel is known as the patron saint of "happy meetings" and his name means "God heals". He only appears in Scripture in the Book of Tobit. Disguised as a human, Raphael heals Tobit of his blindness and heals his future wife, Sarah from a demon. In the New Testament, St. Raphael is credited with the healing power of the pool at Bethesda in the Gospel of John: "An angel of the Lord descended at certain times into the pond; and the water was moved. And he that went down first into the pond after the motion of the water was made whole of whatsoever infirmity he lay under" John 5:1-4.  Feast Day: September 29th

St. Jude

Healing might seem necessary only for major wounds or transgressions, yet it's in repairing even the smallest sources of division that we find deeper union and true peace. There is value in total honesty and a will to forgive and repair what comes between you; these prayers to St. Jude for the healing of relationships and marriages can aid you in bringing about that restoration. Feast Day: October 28th

Pope St. John Paul II

If this great man, a lover of free, faithful, fruitful, and total love and champion of the human person, seems like an obvious patron for your engagement and marriage, it's with good reason. His writings on truths about men and women and the divine romance of our creation and redemption read like a framework not just for a holy marriage, but a life fixed on responding to Christ's invitation into total communion with him. Here's a Theology of the Body-inspired novena, suggested to be prayed nine days before your wedding (or anniversary!) that invokes the intercession of the Holy Family, the archangels, and John Paul the Great for brides and grooms. Feast Day: October 22nd

Sts. Anne and Joachim

Tradition holds that, like Sarah and Abraham, the parents of Our Lady longed for a son or daughter for ages; after many years, God spoke and promised them a child who would be set apart for him. They are known as patrons of married couples, expectant parents, and those struggling with infertility. Seeking their intercession, in times of both joy and suffering, is a reminder that in his providence--whatever that looks like in your particular life and calling--the cries of our hearts are always, always heard. Feast Day: July 26th

Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin

We chose this couple, the parents of St. Therese, as patrons for Spoken Bride. They are the first married saints from modern times and exemplars of loving purely and entirely, rejoicing in suffering, and creating a home for their children in which even mundane, daily tasks could be consecrated to God and used for his glory. The Novena to Louis and Zelie and Prayer of Spouses and Parents for the Martins' intercession each invite a deeper spiritual and biographical understanding of their life together and unyielding trust in the Father. Feast Day: July 12th

We also love...

This sweet, simple marriage blessing that would be a wonderful addition to prayers for friends who are preparing for marriage--or for yourselves.  In a way, wedding guests have a responsibility for spiritual preparation just as the bride and groom do.  Prayers for the couple's marriage and, God willing, future family, is powerful and invites us as guests to experience the wedding in a way that draws us out of passivity; not because it's about us, but because together with the couple, our eyes are fixed on something greater.

A prayer for your husband that speaks the language of self-emptying love of the other. It's beautiful both for engagement and after marriage.

This nightly examen for married couples inspires the living out of your wedding vows, not just in the broad sense but in the details: carefully weighing your words and critiques, spending your time intentionally, and cultivating a servant's heart for your spouse and family.

The theologian Hans urs Von Balthazar wrote, “Prayer is dialogue, not man’s monologue before God.” Additionally, prayer is not a monologue between spouses, but two voices united, crying out to the Father--in suffering, in joy, in praise, in petition, and in all things.  May these prayers bear much fruit in your relationship.

The Surprising Problem with Having a Moral Husband

SARAH SLIVIAK SABO

Women of faith want a man with a strong backbone and pure heart to love and, God willing, raise their babies with. I am blessed enough to have won the love of a sacrificial, patient, and truly “good” man.

Although it's hard to believe now, I didn't instantly feel attracted to my husband. When I saw the way he treated every single person with genuine kindness though, I knew I wanted to be his friend and be more like him. I could write for hours about the way I fell in love with my sweet husband Robert, or for hours about the things he does that annoy me or make me want to scream (just being real here). At the end of the day though, his integrity will help me get to heaven. Although there is always room for improvement, we are both helping each other strive toward Christ in our daily actions. My point, friends, is to communicate that sometimes there is a danger or a lurking little pocket of resentfulness for those of us blessed with incredibly moral husbands.

Photography: Katzie and Ben Photography

I recently vacationed with my husband and our two young daughters in Chincoteague, Virginia. This particular area is small community famous for its secluded beaches and wild ponies. It was our first “real” family vacation and meant a lot to us. There were lovely, idyllic snapshots I will treasure forever: my 16-month-old squealing in delight each time she saw a glistening clam dig its way back into the sand; my oldest daughter’s courage after getting knocked down by a wave; the way my father and husband’s eyes grew big and childlike looking at their handmade ice cream sundaes; my mother’s compliment that my patience with my children amazed her. All of these are like treasures to me.

Yet the mosquito bites between my baby’s fingers, the oozing welts on my back, the biting flies that were so tremendously persistent at the beach, and the broken air conditioner at our house were some other snapshots I’d rather forget. One particular day as we biked through a wildlife refuge, I had a bit of an epiphany.

My husband was about fifty yards ahead of me on his bike, even while pulling both of our girls and a load of beach supplies in a trailer. I looked down at my feet, scarred from reconstructive surgeries, my leaking nursing breasts, and I felt so defeated. Here I was, riding through a beautiful part of the marsh, and I was so focused on the heat and how slow my body was. I recognized that I was defaulting in too self-deprecating a manner and realized I could take a life lesson from this bike ride.

I was bitter that my husband was so far ahead of me on the path even with the extra weight. I was jealous that there was probably a big smile on his face and that the combination of physical exertion, high heat, and sleep deprivation seemed enjoyable to him. Bam. It hit me right between the eyes in that moment: I sometimes feel this same way about my husband when he shows optimism or patience in the face of my own negativity or impatience. I grumble inwardly to God about how he is just more patient, more loving than I, and how it seems to be so easy and natural for him. I see him as a mirror, instead of a helper, for my own faults.

From now on I want to look at my scars and think what I’ve overcome. I want to look at my chest and see the nurturing I do. I will focus on beauty and rejoice in the small victories of character in my own soul rather than comparing myself to someone else. I will remember that Jesus died for me as I am, and that my husband chose me for a reason. I refuse to stare at my handlebars and the mosquitoes landing on my arms instead of noticing the wild ponies grazing in the distance.

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About the Author: Sarah Sliviak Sabo is a wife to her college sweetheart and a mother of two daughters. She teaches online classes for Mother of Divine Grace School and is the owner of Be Not Afraid Learning LLC, a tutoring business. Her life's goal is to make everyone she meets feel loved. 

How to Request an Official Papal Blessing for Your Marriage + Home

ANDI COMPTON

This article was featured on our podcast on 10/20/2020.

Have you ever admired the beautiful, hand-painted certificates at your parish or at a friend's home, commemorating an individual or couple's lifetime or sacramental milestone? This Apostolic blessing from the Pope, known also as a Benediction Papalis, is available to any baptized Catholic. Requesting a blessing from the Holy Father, along with a certificate that tangibly commemorates that blessing, is a surprisingly simple process that costs under $50 to cover the cost of the hand-drawn and lettered parchment and the shipping from Vatican City (wedding or Christmas gifts, anyone?).

The Apostolic Blessing is granted for Baptism, First Communion, Confirmation, Marriage, Priestly Ordination, Religious Profession, Secular Consecration, Ordinations of Permanent Deacons, marriage anniversaries (10, 25, 40, 50, 60 years), birthdays (18, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100), and upon Catholic individuals or families.

Requests for Papal Blessings on parchment are only available online as of March 10, 2019. There are several beautiful parchments available to choose from, ranging from €18-26. The time required for receiving the parchment is approximately 20 days from the date the request is received, but plan on one month just to be sure it arrives on time. Postage is €18 with DHL Worldwide.

A statement from your diocese or the recipient’s diocese to certify that they are in good standing with the church is no longer required, however you are responsible for declaring that the person(s) you are requesting the blessing for are baptized Catholics, living a Christian life, are not participating in any groups hostile to the faith, are married in the Church, are not under any canonical penalties, and do not hold public office or public roles.

https://www.elemosineria.va/parchments/

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Elise's Wedding | 3 Tips to Thriving, Not Just Surviving, During a Long Engagement

ELISE CRAWFORD

Save the date ...our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

Let's get right down to it: this month we're talking about long engagements. Whether you've had a six-month engagement or two-year engagement I think we can all agree on one thing: the timing of your wedding is extremely personal. And wedding planning can be more complicated than you thought it would be when you first slipped that pretty ring on your fourth finger. It is such a blessed time of continued courtship, planning and excitement. However, engagement is much like a baptism by fire. As a couple, you are melding two families' expectations, traditions and cultures, along with yours and your fiancé's. The emotional and logistical process of two becoming one starts now, long before you both say "I do".

Hunter and I did not plan on having a long engagement. We were 22 when we got engaged and we'll be 26 when we marry. We'll have been together for seven years! This has been a blessing and a struggle. Sometimes it feels as if we already know everything there is to know about the other or we struggle to keep our gaze on our vocation. But I have to say, in these times of confusion, stress or dryness, the Holy Spirit always provides his grace and peace. We have learned how to stay close to the heart of Jesus and allow him to be the source of our relationship.

Below are my top three tips for thriving, not just surviving during engagement. These practices have been a blessing to us over the course of our engagement. Please take them to heart, share your own tips in the comments below, and continue to pray for couples throughout the world.

1. Seek out a Mentor Couple. Because Hunter and I finished the marriage preparation required by our Diocese fairly early on in our engagement, we decided to continue marriage preparation outside of the normal requirements. This spring we asked a beautiful couple, friends of friends, to mentor us throughout our engagement and into the early part of our marriage. This doesn't have to be anything formal or intimidating! Hunter and I have both been intentional about surrounding ourselves with strong, Catholic married couples as models of what we hope for in our own marriage. We meet with our mentor couple every other month. Sometimes they invite us over for dinner, sometimes we go on double dates, and sometimes we just chat over Skype. This past summer we have been reading Amoris Laetitia. During our meetings we'll talk about any points that stood out to us.

Even if you don't feel called to seek out a mentor couple at this time, still make sure to intentionally surround yourself with support during your engagement, especially if it is a longer period. I'll never forget the Mass I attended at in St. Peter's in Rome, wherein a nun and I struck up a conversation before the liturgy began. She told me a vocation is never only for the individual; it truly is for the human family. Your marriage is a gift to your families and to your community, near and far. Continue to build that community during your engagement and be intentional about spending time with the holy couples and friends around you.

2. Continue to Nurture Your Relationship. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that once you're engaged, your discernment journey is over. In my experience, this is far from the truth! As you plan your wedding, continue to foster your relationship. Don't take your future spouse for granted. This might seem like simple advice, but amidst a busy daily life, with wedding planning on top of it, it's easy to forget about date night or prayer time together. Hunter and I actually started an engagement journal a year ago. Using a large Moleskin journal, we trade off each having the book for a certain amount of time. While each of us has the book, we write about what is on our heart, our hopes and dreams for our marriage. This is a way for you to connect on a deeper level and still learn about your fiancé. I love reading Hunter's notes once it's my turn to have the journal!  

Prayer is an obvious way to nurture your relationship, but you may experience that praying together while engaged is different from praying together when you were dating. Maybe one of you tends more towards charismatic prayer (myself!) or one of you more towards a monastic style (Hunter!). Be patient with one another and work to incorporate both styles of prayer into your routine. Just as you surround yourself with community, surround your engagement in prayer! The enemy does not wish for your marriage to happen. Period. Your marriage will bring too much life and goodness into the world! Be aware of any spiritual attack. Make sure to pray with and over your beloved as often as possible.

3. Be Patient, Prudent and at Peace. It's a marathon, not a sprint here! When it came down to it, Hunter and I decided to have a longer engagement. After much deliberation, many tears and discussions with our parents, we decided it wasn't prudent to get married before the date that we've set.  Now, many might disagree with that decision, and that's okay. I've learned to be patient with others and with ourselves as Hunter and I have prepared for marriage. The Church recommends a six month to a year long engagement, but it is a recommendation. There is no right or wrong answer here. As long as your fiancé and you are intentionally discerning a marriage date and are actively seeking out options, be at peace and know that the Lord is with you. 

Throughout our engagement, Hunter has often told me the story of his great-grandparents. His great-grandfather, Umberto Aberelli, was an engineer from Rome and his great-grandmother Angelina was a woman from Napoli. They were a fun-loving couple who were deeply devoted to their Catholic faith. A month after proposing to Angelina, Umberto left for America. For five years he diligently worked to make a life for himself, his wife and their future family. Eventually, Umberto returned to Rome, the couple was married, and they moved to America to begin their lives together. Umberto and Angelina's love and devotion to one another during their time of separation and engagement has given me hope during my own long engagement. 

The lesson of the story here is that every engagement looks different. Be prudent when deciding upon engagement and on your wedding date. Marriage is both a spiritual and material vocation. The blending of your lives together takes time, planning and patience. Give each other space to voice your opinions about how to want to plan your lives together, what you would like your married life to logistically look like, and how you can make that happen. You will change and grow during your engagement, and that's okay. Support one another with love and patience while you both experience those changes.

Bonus Tip: Have a friend who just got engaged? My biggest recommendation is to simply offer empathy and a listening ear. Don't add your own expectations or wishes upon the bride's already loaded plate. Offer her your advice when asked, and unreservedly offer your prayers during this time of formation. Whether she has a long or short engagement, support her and her fiancé's decision once they set a date or if they have not been able to set a date, help her to prayerfully discern a decision.  

I hope these tips have resonated with you or a loved one. Please feel free to share your own questions or tips in the comments!

Photography by Alicia of Love Knot Photo

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About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

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Uncommonly Classic Wedding Ideas for the Rebellious Bride

ANGELA VAZZANA

Okay, so maybe not rebellious, really. You love the Church and the liturgy and orthodoxy, because traditions are wonderful and tie us to the Body of Christ; past, present, and future. But you’re frustrated with all the wedding customs you’re expected to follow that, while lovely in their own way, aren’t actually necessary for a Catholic wedding or relevant to the essence of the sacrament. If that sounds like you, consider mixing it up a little! Below are some ideas to change up those details in meaningful ways that stay true to--and even showcase--the beauty of Catholic matrimony.

And if that doesn’t sound like you, that’s totally fine too! I’ll be the first to say my wedding was pretty conventional; I didn’t incorporate any of the ideas here. Your wedding will be no less special, beautiful, or appreciated by your friends and family regardless of where you fall on the mainstream-alternative spectrum. Also, of course, anything you choose for your wedding shouldn’t be a source of conflict or scandal, and if you’re concerned or undecided about anything, ask your priest or trusted friends and family for guidance.

Jeremy Wong

The Dress: Did you know the white wedding dress is really a relatively new trend that started in the Western world with Queen Victoria’s wedding in 1840? Prior to that, women would simply wear their nicest dress of any hue, or a different culturally significant color. I’ve heard that in Ireland, the longtime most popular wedding dress color was blue as a way of honoring the Blessed Mother!

A lot of people might assume white dresses are mandatory to symbolize a bride’s purity, but that’s not the case--there aren’t really universal expectations about attire aside from modesty and due reverence for the occasion, though it's prudent check with your parish for local or diocesan guidelines. Maybe you feel most confident and beautiful in jewel tones, or you want to honor your cultural heritage with clothing from that tradition--I once attended a Catholic wedding where the bride, who was from Vietnam, wore a beautiful traditional red garment--whatever your reason, your options aren’t necessarily limited to ivory, white, or cream!

The Wedding Processional: It’s pretty much taken for granted now that the “grand finale” of the wedding processional is the bride walking down the aisle with her father (or, more recently, with both parents). Some might daydream about that moment, anticipating the drama of seeing their groom waiting at the end of the aisle, which is definitely a special moment that makes for some breathtaking photos. Yet it certainly doesn’t speak to everyone the same way--and if you count yourself among that mindset, the Catholic Rite of Marriage actually recommends a different option.

It’s really a cultural convention that most weddings follow the “Here Comes the Bride” procession model, but the Roman Rite actually prescribes that the bride and groom process last, down the aisle together, with their parents and/or witnesses. I think this is an awesome way to symbolize the couple’s mutual consent to enter into the marriage, as well as emphasize one of the most amazing things about the nuptial Mass--that the bride and groom themselves are the actual ministers of the sacrament.

The Witnesses: The official witnesses to your marriage are there to verify that you and your spouse have entered into a valid marriage, so of course you’ll want to choose someone close to your heart for this. Usually, the witnesses are the bride’s Maid or Matron of Honor and the groom’s Best Man. However, if you or your fiancé happen to be closest with a sibling or friend of the opposite sex, there’s no reason why they can’t participate in this special role. Of course, this isn’t really something chosen for aesthetic reasons or to make a statement, but don’t feel pressured to miss out on asking your brother or best friend if that’s who you feel knows you best. 

Above all, the decisions you make about your wedding should reflect what we as Catholics proclaim about marriage. In the words of Pope Francis, "It is good that your wedding be simple and make what is truly important stand out. Some are more concerned with the exterior details, with the banquet, the photographs, the clothes, the flowers…These are important for a celebration, but only if they point to the real reason for your joy: the Lord's blessing on your love."

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Angela Vazzana married her husband on a hot July day in 2013 at her alma mater, Mount St. Mary's University, where she studied philosophy and communications. She is a security analyst for NASA by day and nourishes her creative side by night by playing the piano and guitar, planning themed parties, or feeding her mild Instagram addiction. While she and her husband can usually be found any given fall day cheering for the Redskins or Wizards, they are most excited this fall for the arrival of their first child. 

Editors' Picks | Vol. 2: Love Songs

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon related.

Late summer's got us thinking about long, leisurely talks outside as the sun goes down and evening sets in--how could a little music not improve on the atmosphere (and maybe encourage a spontaneous dance)? Below, a few of our favorite love songs and first dance contenders. Click on the titles to listen in Spotify!

PHOTOGRAPHY: KINSEY MHIRE PHOTOGRAPHY, seen in Emma + Mark's Edwardian-inspired wedding

Andi, Business Director

 Colbie Caillait, "I Do:" I love how just casual and playful this song is and it brings a smile to my face. Definitely a good pick for an informal reception, maybe even one with a beach theme.

The Lumineers, "Ho Hey:" I coordinated a wedding where this was the song, and it made me love it a million times more than I already did. Sweet lyrics, with a fun beat and just a hint of quirk.

Michael Buble, "The Way You Look Tonight:" I chose Michael Buble's version of this standard because it's a little more upbeat and jazzy than other renditions, yet still a classic you can dance to every anniversary and never tire of hearing.

Matt Maher, "Set Me As a Seal:" It's a classic! I loved when my husband would sing this to me while we were engaged.

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Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Jason Mraz, "I Won't Give Up": This song came out when I was studying abroad in Rome, during which my fiance Hunter and I had not seen each other for five months. The song gave me courage to keep pursuing our relationship though we were hundreds of miles apart. I love the line, "And God knows we're worth it".

Sleeping at Last, "I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)": This is a bit of a slower song but I recently discovered it through a friend's wedding video and I fell in love. Such a dreamy song!

Harry Connick Jr., "It Had to Be You": This was my parents' wedding song, so I grew up with these tongue-in-check lyrics filling my household. I think it's a fun song and is great for a first dance.

Aretha Franklin, "At Last": An absolute classic that I've loved since college, this song always reminds me of the joy found in marriage, as it's expressed perfectly in Scripture: "Then the man said, 'This AT LAST is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man" (Genesis 2:23).

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Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

George Strait, "I Cross My Heart:" Just a good, classic country love song.

James Taylor, "How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You):" Another classic throwback!

Jack Johnson, "Better Together:" So cute, laid-back, and fun.

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Stephanie, Co-Founder + Editor in Chief

Dee Simone, "Lovesick:" The bride in the Song of Songs is all of us: deeply longing to find her love; on edge with hope and anticipation; freely willing to give herself to him entirely. "Is that your hand at the door?" Simone begins. I felt a pang in my chest, then sobbed the first time I heard this song written from the bride's perspective. The poetry and soaring piano and string arrangement makes me ache and is, in a word, breathtaking.

Jon Foreman, "In My Arms:" "Love, we sleep apart for the last time," sings Foreman, the lead singer of Switchfoot, on this solo recording; a tender whisper of a song that speaks to the dream and promise of two lives becoming one.

Brooke Fraser, "Something In the Water:" Hand claps, a driving beat, and relentlessly sunny images of wine on a summer night, lazing in a hammock, and daydreaming about your beloved: this is the sound of being joyously, boundlessly in love.

Peter Gabriel, "In Your Eyes:" This song is a classic, and with good reason. Most mainstream ballads don't touch on the less emotional, more spiritually-based aspects of love, and because "In Your Eyes" does, maybe that's why it's endured since the 80s. "The grand facade so soon will burn/without a noise, without my pride/I reach out from the inside:" looking outside of your own self, making yourself a gift, vulnerable yet unafraid of being truly seen and known, is the stuff marriage is made of.

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Listen to all of the editor's picks on various playlists over on Spotify. We love making new discoveries through each of you! Help our community grow and share your favorite love songs or first dance pick in the comments!