Preparing for the Wedding Feast...of the Lamb

EMILY RICCI

When my husband proposed to me, we sat around being cute and happy for approximately an hour before I pulled out a notebook. “Okay,” I said to him. “Are you ready to get to work?”

From that day on, and throughout the entirety of our 306-day engagement, I don’t think I ever stopped thinking about wedding details. I was a DIY bride with a penchant for holding a wedding on a budget, so I was always doing something: hand painting frames for centerpieces, printing and cutting invitations in my college library, spending hours scouring the internet for deals.

The only time I’d ever really pause would be during Adoration. I work at a college, and each morning, I’d stop at the chapel to pray. As I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament, I'd mentally count down the days until our wedding, letting go of the details for a few moments. Truly resting in the beauty of the sacrament I was preparing to receive.

It was during one of these times of reflection, just prior to our wedding day, that I had this thought: Jesus often uses the imagery of a wedding during his teaching, because he equates a wedding to what heaven will be like. Imagine, then, if we were to prepare for the Wedding Feast of the Lamb like we prepare for our own weddings.

What would that preparation look like? And how can the different stages of wedding planning aid us in our journey both to the altar and our ultimate destination? Here, my suggestions for navigating your planning with our ultimate purpose in mind:

Your Announcement

There’s something wonderfully thrilling about seeing the word engaged next to your name on Facebook and watching the reactions and shocked comments pour in.

As I restrained myself from posting every subsequent detail about wedding planning throughout my engagement, I started thinking about how I presented myself online in general.

Did my friends and family know, for instance, how important my faith is to me? I realized that in coming to my wedding, some may be surprised how “Catholic” it was going to be, and that perhaps being less afraid to talk about my faith online might be an easy way to continue evangelizing after the wedding.

Selecting Your Wedding Party

For our earthly wedding, we select the wedding party with care. We look to close relatives and friends, choosing men and women who will not only be fun to celebrate with, but whom we can depend on; people who are reliable and will keep us calm and organized.

In the same way, we can prepare a “wedding party” to accompany us on our faith journey, surrounding ourselves with people who lead us toward God and encourage us to follow him.

Revel in the moments spent with dear friends. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to lean on others for spiritual support. The community of women within Spoken Bride is a lovely place to start.

The Dress

I went wedding dress shopping early, because that was the stage of planning I was most looking forward to. I tried on the first dress the stylist chose, saw myself in the mirror, and instantly knew it was the dress. I did try on two others, but an hour later had already put down the deposit on the first. I knew people would think I was crazy for buying the first wedding dress I’d ever tried on, but it didn’t matter. I just knew it was the one.

What makes your soul feel beautiful? For me, it’s playing Christian music on my way to work. While Praise and Worship may not be everyone’s style, rocking out to a spiritual tune sets my soul on fire. Whatever makes your soul feel beautiful, do that. Don’t feel pressured to conform to what works for others’ spiritual journeys, but ensure you are taking time during this season of engagement to beautify your soul in addition to your body.

DIY

I was a DIY bride: everything I could make myself, I did, loving being such an integral part of the process. Did it cause me to have breakdowns about postcard paper mailing weights and how to glue together paper frames? Absolutely. But I regret nothing, because I got the full wedding experience I’d wanted for myself.

Ironically, when it comes to preparing for the Wedding Feast of the Lamb, I’d advise the exact opposite: don’t try to DIY it.

We were made to be social creatures. Spiritual communion can be a beautiful thing among friends. One of my best religious memories is of praying the Rosary with my college friends when Daily Mass was cancelled one day, echoed beautifully when these same friends all came together to pray the Rosary before the Blessed Sacrament the night before our wedding. Be especially unafraid of relying on your fiancé or husband. That is your ultimate calling--to lead one another to heaven!

All the Details

My personality and habits made me meticulous about the details of our wedding. From including handwritten, personalized notes inside each place card to redoing the venue’s menu cards so everything would be the same color, I wanted everything to be perfect.

Yet my perfectionism didn’t always translate to my faith. While in my mind everything had to be the right color at my wedding, I was perfectly fine giving myself excuses about my prayer life: well, God can’t expect me to be perfect.

The thing is, he can, and he does. My wedding encouraged me to not settle for average in my faith life, but to strive to be as spiritually perfect as I can be.

The Wedding Day

The day of our wedding, I woke up at 5 A.M. I took a deep breath, looked at the sun streaming through my window, and was filled with elation, just like I always thought I would be.

Then--unlike I ever thought--I looked at the time, decided I was still tired, and fell back to sleep for another half hour. At the very moment I thought I’d be most nervous, all the stress of the past months simply melted away in the joy of marrying my best friend, whom I had been longing for and anticipating for years.

That’s how I want to feel on the day that God brings me home. I want to feel so prepared, so  ready for his coming that I can be full of peace in finally being united to him. Just as I gave myself wholeheartedly to my husband on our wedding day, so too do I want to be able to give a pure, loving heart to the Creator, free of sin and full of joy, with longing anticipation to be totally his.

The period of engagement can be beyond hectic, but allow yourself the time and space to make it a spiritual journey, as well as a practical one. Know of my  prayers for you as you prepare for your big day here on earth, and for the other “big day” you’ll someday reach in heaven!

---

About the Author: Emily Ricci – Emily Ricci is a Spoken Bride vendor and the owner of Gloriam Marketing, a Catholic marketing, consulting, and event planning firm that also designs programs and custom inserts for Catholic weddings. She married her college sweetheart and best friend on June 16, 2017 and has a passion for Christ, marketing, and the Oxford comma (in that order).  

WEBSITE I EMAIL I FACEBOOK I INSTAGRAM

7 Reception DIYs for Brides On a Budget

Spoken Bride vendor Sinikka Rohrer of Soul Creations Photography possesses a true heart for helping her clients prepare for their marriages--the days that follow long after the wedding. Knowing budget-conscious choices and DIYs can be time-consuming, sometimes to the point of unrest and spiritual distraction, she shared with us a handful of projects from her clients Angela and Lucas' springtime wedding with a natural, farmhouse-inspired sensibility. 

No matter what your style, we hope Angela's strategies for creative, affordable décor will inspire your own projects. 

From the Bride: Here, the inspiration and steps we employed for our reception DIYs.

Head Table Backdrop: Hula Hoop Wreath with Faux Flowers

At the end of the summer season, my family and I went to Dollar Tree and bought several hula hoops (only $1 each!!). We sprayed them with gold paint before adding flowers.

Then we got to my favorite part: flower shopping! I went to Michael's in the spring when they were 60% off. Thank goodness for faux flowers, because we were able to make these ahead of time and transport them without worrying about damage. My mom and I laid out all the flowers and greenery I bought and made the arrangements ourselves. We used hot glue, wide clear tape, green floral tape, and green floral wire to adhere everything to the hoops.  

While setting up, my dad and brother hung the hoops from the arches in our reception venue with clear fishing line.

Head Table Backdrop: Golden Monogram

For the backdrop featuring our newly shared last initial, N, I needed material that was sturdy but also light enough to hang from the arches. We went to Lowe's and found green foam insulation boards. I traced an N onto it with pencil and cut it out with a knife. I then covered the whole thing in Mod Podge and sprinkled glitter all over it. I bought a pound of gold glitter from Amazon that I used for all of the projects with sparkle.

Wine Bottle Table Numbers 

I collected wine bottles from everyone I knew. After Googling, I found the best way to remove labels was to soak the bottles in hot water mixed with baking soda; it really did the trick for the most part. If I were to do it again, I would have tried to gather all clear bottles and bottles without foil labels--the foil was nearly impossible to remove .

I invited my girlfriends over to paint the bottles white. We ended up using white spray paint, which left a nice smooth finish. I decorated the bottles using ribbon, lace, and gold crafting materials I'd acquired from different bridal showers and sales at Michael’s.

For the gold table numbers, I purchased a Cricut Air from Joann fabrics on Black Friday, as well as solid and glittery gold adhesive paper. I cut out numbers from the Cricut and simply stuck them on all the bottles. We filled them with baby’s breath at the tables.

Paper Tablecloths & Stenciled Chargers

We purchased thick brown paper for the tables, and my dad found a laurel wreath stencil from Michaels that we used to frame each table setting in white, using spray paint. Once we figured out the size and positioning of each plate, each tablecloth after that was easy to replicate. 

Hand-Written Silverware Holders

With the leftover tablecloth paper, we cut strips thick enough for the stamp I bought from Etsy. We them cut out, stamped each one, and wrapped the silverware in it. A small touch of hot glue kept it together! We also used gold plastic utensils and napkins from Costco to keep costs manageable.

Cake & Gift Table Décor: Painted Crate & Garland

I literally found a pallet in a dumpster downtown Indianapolis, and some random man helped me hoist it into my car! I decided to use it as a sign for the cake and gift table painted it using white paint we had leftover from a room project at my house. After covering the pallet and letting it dry, I went to my computer to find a fancy yet readable font, which I used to type and print the Bible verse used for the pallet. 

My parents have a small teacher’s overhead projector at home, which I used to project the printed verse onto the pallet. I traced the outline of each letter with a pencil, then used a gold paint marker from Michael’s to fill them in.

The gold garland we draped over the finished sign was purchased around Christmas time from Hobby Lobby. My bridesmaid arranged it once the table was set up! 

Welcome Table Décor: Painted Window Shutter with Clothespins

Our welcome table featured a collection of Lucas' and my engagement photos, pinned to window shutters. My parents had a set of shutters in their basement already; otherwise, I would have looked for them at garage sales or resale shops. They were a dusty rose color before I spray-painted them white 

Once we got to the hall, I asked my bridesmaid to arrange the pictures, printed from Walgreens, and attach them with gold mini clothespins purchased from Michaels.

If you're also a bride with a penchant for DIY, we're eager to hear about your own projects. Be sure to share your inspirations and budgeting strategies in the comments and on our social media!

Photography: Soul Creations Photography

How to Pray About Your Wedding Vows Using Lectio Divina

LIZ ESCOFFERY

I think back often to my engagement, and to its many hours spent at Eucharistic Adoration. During that time, I would beg Jesus to make me into a good wife and, someday, mother.

Horn Photography & Design

I didn’t know then that those many hours of prayer would carry me through the smooth and bumpy parts of married life my husband Bill and I would encounter. Five years into our marriage, a strong prayer life remains a gift and refuge in the midst of full, enjoyable--but busy--days of family life and work.  

Introducing Lectio Divina

Lectio Divina is a type of prayer I return to often. Latin for “divine reading,” it is a Benedictine form of prayer, traditionally done by reading a short passage of Holy Scripture and choosing a word, phrase, or image that stands out to you. The passage should be read several times in its entirety, once aloud if possible. Then, whomever is spending time in prayer meditates on her standout word, reads the passage again with new eyes, and engages in an exchange with God about what he wants to reveal. This prayer can be individually, as a couple, or in a small group.

We can do the same thing with any text, whether thoughtful prose or poems, song lyrics, or liturgical rites. In that spirit, I want to share with you a way to use lectio divina to meditate on the Catholic Rite of Marriage.

Below, along with the text of the Rite, I offer my own reflection questions to help you enter more deeply into this encounter. Whether you pray this on your own or in the presence of your fiancé or spouse, first take a moment to ask for the Holy Spirit to guide your time in prayer. Breathe deeply and savor the silence around you.

(Name) and (name), have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?     

Is there anything I need to surrender or let go of before entering into this Sacrament? What does it look like to make a free gift of myself to my spouse?  

Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?  

Who are some holy couples whose marriage I admire? What can I learn from their witness?

What will be the building blocks of a lifelong marriage? Is there a particular virtue I need to cultivate now that will allow me to love and honor my spouse for the rest of my life?

Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?

How do I view my fertility? Have I learned Natural Family Planning and been diligent in trying to understand the Church’s teachings on the dignity and purpose of sex in marriage?

Have I considered the possibility of infertility? Of an unplanned pregnancy? How would I love my spouse through these situations?   

Which dimensions of my sexuality need the Lord’s healing touch (Consider spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative, communicative, emotional)? Is there a dimension we are very strong in already? Is there one we need to grow in as a couple?  

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband. I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.

Where am I spiritually  with this vow: does it make me nervous? Excited? Does it seem like it will be difficult? What fears or anxieties do I have in committing myself to this purpose?

Depending on your wedding liturgy plans,  additional text for your prayer time can be found in the language of the wedding Mass, wedding outside of Mass for two baptized persons, and a wedding between a Catholic and unbaptized spouse.

Check out the Nuptial Blessing and the Blessing at the Conclusion of the Wedding, as well, to find more liturgically rich and beautiful language which is great for lectio divina.

I hope this exercise in prayer helps you take any inspiring, holy text and use it to enter into a dialogue with God and with your spouse in marriage. Whether you utilize lectio divina to prepare for your wedding day or to savor the graces of your marriage in the weeks, months, and years afterward, may it bless you and encourage you to continue in prayer.

---

About the Author: Liz Escoffery is a Certified FertilityCare Practitioner and Birth Boot Camp Instructor with Indy FertilityCare. In May 2017, she earned her Master of Arts in Theology from St. Meinrad Seminary & School of Theology. She enjoys working with engaged couples and newlyweds (both in Indianapolis, IN and virtually) and has helped over 175 women and couples learn the Creighton Model. She and her husband Bill have two children and another due in March 2018.

WEBSITE | BLOG | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | PINTEREST

The Limits of Pre-Marital Inventories

STEPHANIE CALIS

As a middle schooler, my love for personality quizzes took root in magazines and a young internet. There was something so satisfying about being told what flavor of lip balm best suited my style, which boy from Harry Potter was my soulmate, and what future tattoo I should get.

A few years later, my penchant for quizzes took a more serious turn when I took the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory for the first time on a youth group retreat. Reading through each bullet points describing INFJs, I thought, that’s me. That’s me. That’s me.

This short paragraph seemingly nailed exactly who I was. As an awkward teenager, the comfort found in reading about who you are, and discovering there are enough others out there with your same tendencies to categorize them into a personality type--the feeling that maybe I wasn’t as unusual or as much of an outsider as I sometimes felt like--was not to be underestimated.

I know now that the sense of deep recognition I felt speaks to every heart’s cry to be known. We desire to be understood; to be told we aren’t alone in certain weaknesses and struggles inherent to our personality--even when the one telling us is an inanimate piece of paper or computer tab.

Fast forward to my engagement, when my husband and I took the inventory in the book The Temperament God Gave You at our sponsor couple's recommendation. Specifically, they asked us to consider what aspects of our temperaments, upbringings, and spiritual lives might be a source of contention in our future marriage. I happily complied.

My husband, however, was suspicious. He didn’t want who he was to be put into one of several boxes, he said, nor did he believe a book could tell us everything we needed to know about ourselves and our relationship. I half-seriously wondered to myself if his not liking personality inventories would be a source of contention. Truly, though, my husband was on to to something.

Unlike inanimate text that, insightful and knowing as it may be, is meant for thousands and can’t personally interact with us, the living God does know us, so intimately and particularly. He knows each person as so much more than a designated personality type or set of letters. In that fullness of who we are, we are loved.

It’s this love spouses are called to reflect to one another. For the first time, I began to consider what we were like simply as we were, rather than what we were like according to tests and inventories.

I’ve realized these materials do warrant critical thinking rather than blind acceptance of their results. If, like us, you are given inventories like the temperament test or FOCCUS as part of your marriage prep, it can be helpful to approach them with an open, yet critical mind and to consider how you might deal with potential concerns.

One drawback that arises from these inventories, for instance, is the false perception that you’re locked into your weaknesses: hearing a dead-on description of myself in the temperament test, in both my strengths and struggles, initially led me to believe I struggled with complacency, laziness, and following through on things because that was simply my temperament; who I was. In reality, I can see now that personality descriptions aren’t there to tell us who we are and then let us be. Instead, they can serve as a means of bringing to light vices and struggles we can become more aware of, in the hope of improving upon them.

Moreover, when you and your beloved fall into seemingly opposite personality categories, or if your inventory highlights opinions or areas of your lives in which you majorly differ, anxiety over your compatibility might arise. Bear in mind that marriage preparation isn’t intended to test how right you are for one another, but to offer tools that enrich your discernment and encourage communication about topics you might never have discussed previously. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in seeking peace over unrest, in whatever way that looks like in your relationship.

Being told who you are by a test is fun, and can provide you with new language and a new lens to understand you and your beloved’s identities within a certain set of qualities. Yet ultimately, our deepest, truest identity comes from Christ. We are loved and willed into existence, we are conformed to him, we are made for love--all of us, no matter what combination of letters makes up our personalities.

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Sarah + Joseph | Chesapeake Bay Wedding

During a school break, Sarah needed a ride home. Joseph offered to give her one. That week, he continued making himself available for taking Sarah and her friends to the mall, out to dinner and the movies. Their conversations in the car made Joe consider how similar he was to Sarah. Meanwhile, she’d begun realizing how different they were.

Despite their initial differences, their friendship grew through studying together, spending time with their mutual group of friends, service, and Joe’s encouragement that Sarah attend the daily 6:00 A.M. Mass at their parish.

After Mass one day, Joe told Sarah, "I can see myself marrying you." He asked if he could date her with the intention of discerning marriage. Their discernment led them to entrust their relationship to Mary and grow both individually and as a couple. After an elaborate all-day scavenger hunt, Joe proposed during a boat ride on the Chesapeake Bay. Out on the water, he pulled out a letter and a ring. He read the letter and asked her to marry him.

From the Bride: Family is a huge part of our lives, and it’s a big part of what marriage is about. Every marriage gives birth to a new family. We are both from large families-- I’m the oldest in my family, and Joe is the youngest in his. We wanted to highlight the beauty and vocation of family through our wedding, so we invited our siblings to process into the church in groups. One of my favorite memories from the day is being driven to the church in the big old family 15-passenger van!

I brought all six of my sisters, my mom, and a close friend to the bridal store where I found my dress. After narrowing down a couple choices, I couldn’t make up my mind between a classic white dress and this beautiful bohemian dress. I decided to sleep on it and send a picture to my future mother-in-law. She responded with the question, “What dress makes you feel beautiful?” I picked the boho dress.

Because the dress was so unique, we decided to keep it a big secret amongst the sisters and moms. My grandmother passed on to me a family veil worn by her, my mother, and my great-grandmother wore. My aunt graciously transferred the handmade lace to a chapel length veil. It was quite the family effort.

For our family wedding party, I chose a few shades of blue and encouraged everyone to buy attire that suited him or her. We chose the guys’ anchor bowties and suspenders because they fit well with what we love: blue water, sky, and boats! The Mass was filled with flower girls and little boys in bowties. Joe’s goddaughter carried a crucifix we said our vows over. It now hangs in our bedroom, a daily reminder of the vows and cross we carry.

Joe's father passed away a few months before our wedding. Our wedding date was on Father’s Day, a special gift from our Heavenly Father and it made us feel Pop was there in a distinct way. On the back of our wedding program, we placed a picture of Pop holding hands with his wife: a nod that marriage is until death, pointing us to the eternal love in Heaven.

Our prayer for our nuptial mass was that everyone focus on Christ. We read the USCCB’s suggested readings and prayed with them a couple months before the wedding, talking about what readings correlated with the journey God had led us on and asking him what Scripture message our guests should hear at our wedding Mass.

Our first reading, Tobit 8:4-8, is Tobit and his wife Sarah’s prayer on their wedding night, begging God’s mercy upon them and their marriage. We identified with this throughout our journey and desired this to be the prayer of the Mass: that we would all ask God’s mercy upon us and seek his help in living out our vocation calls. The second reading was 1 John 4:7-12, “this is how God showed his love among us: he sent his only Son into the world that we might live through him.” Our relationship with Christ was paramount to everything; without strong personal relationships with him, without his love transforming our hearts, there would have been no wedding day for us. Christ worked everything together for our good.

Ultimately, this marriage is about Christ. It’s a crazy calling to exemplify his love for his Church to a broken world.

This is why we picked John 17:20-26, the Crucifixion, for the Gospel. Jesus is praying for us all in these verses, that humankind know the unity that he has with his father, “that they may be one as you and I are one.”

Music is an integral part of our prayer. Joseph plays guitar and I love praise and worship music. We picked songs that correlated with the themes in our readings and invited our guests into worship. We kept the decorations in the church simple: flowers on the altar and bouquets for Our Lady and St. Joseph. On the windowsills of the chapel, we placed pictures of our patron saints as a prayer of intercession.

Our hope for the reception was that it feel like a giant family reunion. Both of us have large extended families, so when it came time to discuss our budget and priorities, our focus was on celebrating with as many of our family members and friends as possible. In our rough estimation, we had about 100 kids between ages of 0 and 12 in attendance!

We were blessed to hold an outdoor reception at Joe’s family home overlooking the Chesapeake Bay. The reception preparation involved lots of precious time with our families: Joe’s family focused on getting the yard ready for the rehearsal dinner and reception, and my mother had us taste test different parts of the meal. My sisters helped me paint decorative pallets, took care of little details like a Jenga block set for our guestbook, and together we arranged our bouquets the morning of the wedding.

We had a large open tent with plenty of dancing space. We served tacos, chips, white queso and salsa dips with beer, water, lemonade, and sangria. For desert, there was delicious key lime and lemon meringue pies. No one went away hungry--afterward, no pie or tacos were left! We set out yard games, but looking back, people were more interested in visiting with each other, dancing, and watching the little ones play in the Bay. The younger party guests played in the water until dusk, then crowded the dance floor with glow sticks.

The morning of the wedding, Joe and I met up on a dock to pray over our wedding day and upcoming marriage. It really centered us in the grace of the sacrament we were about to receive! Matt Maher’s song “Instrument” played as I drove to get ready. The refrain stuck in my head throughout the day: to the Father and the Son / and the Holy Spirit, three in One / I offer you myself, though I’m broken and spent. / Let me be your instrument.

I offer you myself. Those words sum up the beauty of marriage’s grace and love. I offer myself to my husband; I offer myself to my God. We offer ourselves to God. Our wedding day was so peaceful because of those words whispering over in my heart. Peace overflowed in joyful gratitude for God having offered us himself in our journey to the altar, and continually teaching us how to offer ourselves and our love each other.

Photography: DG Photography | Church: St. Francis de Sales, Kilmarnock VA | Wedding Reception Venue : Family Home, Reedville VA |  Bride Dress: BHLDN | Veil: Family Heirloom | Bride shoes: Target through Poshmark | Headpiece: Burlington Coat Factory | Hair- Pins and Curls | Make-up-Sister of Bride | Groom’s Attire- Brooks Brothers, Van Heusen, and Procuffs | Groom and Groomsmen’s bowties and suspenders: Etsy shop crystalAmour | Wedding band for Bride: Zales | Engagement ring and wedding band for Groom: Ross’s Rings and Things | Wedding Flowers: Norfolk Whole Sale Florist | Catering- Clare West and co. Invitations- @solivaganartist, Rentals: Clement’s Party Rentals.

Sacrifice When One of You Works in Ministry

AMANDA SLOAN

Sacrifice.

Sacrifice is probably one of the last words I think of when I think about marriage. In reality, however, sacrifice and marriage are fused together; impossible to separate.

Steven Dray Images

My husband and I are a missionary family with FOCUS. As such, our life involves a fair amount of sacrifice. In the four years we've been married, we've lived in three different states. Moving is a sacrifice. Fundraising your salary is a sacrifice. Solo parenting weekends while my husband is on retreat are a cross to bear. Late nights without him home, because a student is in crisis, are a sacrifice. There are many beautiful moments involved in being in ministry together, but there is also much sacrifice.

The thing about sacrifice is that it can go one of two ways: for a purpose, giving it dignity and meaning, or begrudgingly, making one bitter and resentful. In our time in ministry I've experienced both when these trials have been asked of us.

What I've found, time and again, is that life is more beautiful, our marriage grows deeper, and ministry is more fruitful when we understand and remember the meaning of our sacrifices.

No one forced my husband and I into ministry together, just as no one forced us into marriage. Whether your marriage involves active ministry or not, it will certainly involve sacrifice. When the dirty laundry piles up or the kids are acting like animals at the zoo, I remind myself to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Seeing it reminds me that these trials and inconveniences aren't just about me--rather, they are for the Kingdom.

At any given moment, my husband is on campus with a student because that student needs a listening ear or an invitation to know and be loved by Jesus. We move around the country because we trust in the guidance of the Holy Spirit and our superiors to place us on the campus where we--with our own unique gifts and shortcomings--are most needed, where our great passion for what we do will touch the hearts and souls of those we come in contact with.

That isn't to say that it is all hearts and rainbows when I look at the bigger picture. The laundry still piles up; the budget gets out of whack; the kids still act like animals. But instead of being bitter about my own frustrations or unmet desires, I see the purpose, the reason, behind it all. I ask myself hard questions instead of just throwing myself a pity-party about the still-unwashed dishes.

Would I rather have my husband home to help me with bedtime, or on campus sharing Jesus with someone who has literally never heard about him before? Would I rather be caught up on the laundry, or take that time to teach my toddler the alphabet? When I can put my sacrifices in context it helps me "offer it up," as the old saying goes.

Not only does this practice make my days easier; it makes my marriage better, too. Rather than being bitter about when my husband does finally come home, I'm excited for his arrival, eager to hear about the work he's done, the students he's befriended and the friendships he is forming.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus asked His Father to let the cup pass from Him, to not have to endure the struggles and sacrifices of the crucifixion. But ultimately He prayed, "still, not my will but yours be done" (Luke 22:42).

Following His example, we can take the hardships of our marriages to the Father and ask Him to remove them from us, but we must also cede control to His will. If He doesn't remove the struggles we can choose to offer them back to Him, to toil for the Kingdom, making a sweet aroma out of married life's trying sacrifices.

---

About the Author: Amanda Sloan is a missionary spouse serving alongside her husband, Anthony, with the Fellowship of Catholic University Students (FOCUS). Amanda is also the author of Worthy: See Yourself as God Sees You and the blog Worthy of Agape. In between tea parties and jumping jacks with her two daughters, Amanda enjoys hiking, exploring the outdoors, or stealing away with the computer to write. 

FAMILY MISSION PAGE | BOOK | BLOG | INSTAGRAM

Vendor Spotlight | Keara Anne Weddings

It could be argued that God’s mercy encompasses not only his bottomless forgiveness, but his particular will for each human person. His will--his every grace, plan, and intention for us--is a unique gift of love. A gift of providence specific to each of his children.

 It could be claimed, as well, that providence and timing are inseparable from vocation: the Father’s fingerprints cover each of us in his plans, and his path, for our sanctification and ultimate homecoming. The first time Keara Mooberry--a wife, mother, and former high school math teacher--dove into wedding coordination, she’d fallen in love with the process of creating a peaceful, intentional day for her own nuptials and, later, for her brother’s big day. Except she was working full-time while pregnant with her second child, her husband was about to go back to school, and they were making plans for a cross-country move from Phoenix to Philadelphia.

After settling into her new home in Pennsylvania, the Holy Spirit continued whispering to Keara’s heart for planning and service. Recognizing her gifts for calmness and foresight, an old friend reached out to Keara, asking her assistance in planning a Catholic wedding. Excited to work with her first non-family client, Keara and her friend began monthly meetings. It was a time of professional self-discovery, with Keara carving out a supporting role to the bride’s planning as she prepared to take over final responsibilities during the month of the wedding.

Above all, the experience was marked by creating a sense of peace. In this busy season of couples’ lives together, Keara understands the need to identify opportunities for calm during wedding planning, and strives to cultivate that calmness and peace with each of her clients.

Doing God’s will brings peace to the heart. As you journey to the altar, there is an abiding contentment and joyful anticipation at having found the one who will sanctify you for life. If, like Keara, your life’s work brings that same sensibility, it’s beautiful to glimpse the delight he takes in showing us our strengths, opening doors to put them at the service of his love. 

From Keara: Sometimes I think the role faith plays is easier to see after the fact. I can see now how God was telling me, not yet, Keara when we were still in Phoenix. I can see how he kept my desire for serving brides on my heart as I made other major life transitions. I can see how he reconnected me with my friend so I could support her in her wedding and marriage preparation journey. At the same time, my friend served me with the opportunity to get my hands wet in this joy-filled field.

Now, I feel encouraged working with brides, particularly Catholics who love working with a planner who shares their faith. It’s a benefit both for logistical reasons--like planning a timeline for the day around the wedding Mass--and for the purpose of working with a vendor who will be praying for them and supporting them in their discerned vocation.

I like to think of brides more as friends than clients. I love to walk next to them in a supportive role as they prepare for their wedding day and marriage. I also take a very logical/logistical approach to helping them manage their wedding details, because I believe that without a logical approach or good logistical planning, the beautiful details of a wedding can get muddled and overwhelming. My goal is to provide peaceful planning to brides and grooms and their families so that all they have to focus on is the joy and beauty of their wedding day.

KEARA ANNE WEDDINGS | WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | PINTEREST | CONTACT

Eric Foss Photography

Eric Foss Photography

Mariah Gentry Photography

Mariah Gentry Photography

Mariah Gentry Photography

Mariah Gentry Photography

How to Include Non-Catholic Family in Your Wedding Preparations

ADA THOMAS

There you are: scrolling through Catholic wedding resources, reading, taking notes on the best ways to incorporate your faith into your big day. But there, in the back of your mind, a voice is saying, what if this doesn’t go over well with my family?

PHOTOGRAPHY: KIRSTEN ANN PHOTOGRAPHY

Planning a wedding can be a stressful experience in any family situation, but when your family or your fiancé's don’t share your faith, it can be even trickier.

Everyone brings their own set of expectations to a wedding. As a bride, the hardest thing you will have to do is to balance all of these expectations with the reality that it is your wedding. And when you add in family who may not share or entirely understand your enthusiasm for having a Catholic wedding, you might feel like you're kissing your sanity goodbye.

Here, a few ways to make your family feel included in your big day, even if they aren’t Catholic or don't share your faith:

Be open.

Surprises are fun at birthdays. But when it comes to your big, fat, Catholic wedding, surprises should be avoided. Let your family know what to expect on your wedding day. Depending on your family's openness, this may or may not be a great time to delve into the mysteries of the Church. Regardless, letting family know what is expected of them at the nuptial Mass is never a bad idea. Consider including a detailed Mass rubric in your program so that guests know exactly what to do throughout the Mass. Eliminating guesswork makes everyone feel more at ease.

It is also a good idea, and powerful (and sometimes unspoken) witness, to share with your non-Catholic family your reasons for choosing to have a Catholic wedding at all. Sure, you could have had your wedding on the beach or while skydiving, but you chose to get married in the Church because it's important to you. Don’t be afraid to share which parts of your wedding liturgy are most meaningful to you or the reasons behind the readings you've chosen.

Find common ground.

Although a Catholic wedding may be different from what your family is used to, there are probably areas where you can find common ground. Most religious groups, for example, include readings from their foundational texts at weddings, and nearly all cultures throughout the world have wedding receptions of some kind, so you should be able to find at least a few commonalities when it comes to including family in your plans.

Consider making a list of these common areas and designating those as the tasks where you can seek assistance from non-Catholic family and friends.

Incorporate family traditions.

You aren't going to be able to live up to every guest’s expectations for your wedding. This doesn’t mean, however, that you can’t include some elements of your family’s history and traditions into the celebration, especially if getting married in the Church means breaking with family tradition.

To honor your families, consider adding heirloom jewelry to your wedding ensemble or meaningful touches to the décor to commemorate members of your family. There is no need for grand gestures, but small tokens assure your family know that you love them and that their traditions are important to you, particularly on your wedding day.

Be at peace.

Finally, be at peace. You are getting married, and preparing to partake in a beautiful sacrament. You and your fiancé are  starting a new and amazing chapter in your life. Is everyone going to be perfectly happy with your wedding? Probably not, but that’s okay.

Take time to enjoy the process of planning your weddings, and to enjoy the aspects of it that reflect your faith. Pray that your non-Catholic guests will not only feel welcomed, but inspired by the beauty of your wedding Mass.

---

About the Author: Ada Thomas studied English at the University of Dallas and currently teaches elementary school. She will be marrying her college best friend in November. When she is not wedding planning or teaching, Ada can be found contemplating classical education, redecorating her apartment for the hundredth time, and reading British novels.

INSTAGRAM

How to Make the Most of a Long-Distance Engagement

STEPHANIE CALIS

My husband proposed beneath a statue of Our Lady on our college campus the summer after I graduated, on the cusp of his starting grad school and my beginning a mission year, five hours apart from each other. We set our wedding date for 13 months later.

Emma Dallman Photography

Given the choice, both of us would've preferred a shorter engagement. Yet given the responsibilities entrusted to each of us over the upcoming year, we concluded it would be both impractical and imprudent for us get married any sooner. Though in many ways, we would have preferred a shorter engagement, the fact remained that there were responsibilities we’d committed to--and moreover, looked forward to. Over the course of the following year, we’d see each other roughly halfway between our new cities, at one of our families' houses every few weeks.

It’s no surprise that adjusting to dating from a distance for the first time, along with planning our wedding and preparing for marriage, often felt overwhelming. When I recall that year of engagement, the hardest aspects were the mounting panic that our wedding was fast approaching with little time to plan, the heightened temptations against chastity that accompanied infrequent visits, balancing time as a couple with family and friend time, and a general sense of impatience. If you're currently engaged long-distance and have similarly experienced at least one of these anxieties, here, four pieces of advice I wish I could go back and tell myself:

Don't fall into believing the two of you are in this alone.  

It sounds obvious, yet I bought into this lie over and over, the one that made me think if I didn't control every part of wedding plans and cultivating our relationship across the miles, everything would fall apart. But it wasn't just on us to take care of all that. So often, I forgot to invite the Father in and to turn to prayer for even the smallest matters. At some point, my husband-to-be reminded me of the grace that resides in the saints’ intercession; throughout our dating relationship, we’d developed our own personal litany, yet I usually only prayed to these men and women at the end of my Rosary, not habitually throughout the day. Though I, in my inadvertent pride, took a while to develop the habit of calling on their prayers, I truly found peace there. If you haven't already, choose a few patrons for your engagement and pray to them often.

Seek out spiritual time together--especially time away from wedding planning.  

Since most of our engagement was spent apart, it was sometimes necessary to condense parts of wedding planning into much shorter periods than we might have had time for otherwise. In my experience, avoiding overemphasis on planning and preparations during rare visits brings about greater peace of heart, and, surprisingly, greater productivity.

When your time is limited, it's tempting to fill every second with managing your to-do list, yet we quickly noticed how much more relaxed and content we felt when we consciously prioritized leisure and quality time. Carving out time for prayer and enjoying being with each other, which for us usually meant getting coffee or playing music together, generally made us feel like there was more time for wedding-related matters than we’d initially perceived.

What’s more, my husband and I were given an opportunity to trust each other and follow through on our word in a specific way: because it simply wasn't possible, or even necessary, to do every wedding project together, we had no option but to delegate tasks to each other and do them on our own--a habit that came in handy after we got married, too.

Don't expect perfection, but don't stop pursuing it.  

Love really can be a battlefield, both before marriage, when chastity sets a standard of abstinence (though I don't personally consider chastity and abstinence the same thing), and continues to call us on after marriage, as spouses are constantly called to die to self, to live out their sexuality through self-gift in its infinite forms, and to strive for virtue and self-discipline.  

No matter how close or far the two of you are living relative to each other before your wedding, it can be seriously hard to discipline the good and beautiful desire to physically express your love. Add infrequent time together into the mix that accompanies long-distance dating, and things get even harder.

While I fully view sexual sin as serious business, a matter in which to set and strive for high standards in your thoughts, words, and actions, I also view it as incredibly human. We are created, body and soul, with a longing for the infinite: an ache whose earthly fulfillment is fulfilled, at least in part, through a properly integrated expression of our sexuality; of who we are as spouses. For those called to marriage, that expression is physical, so it’s natural that those desires are right at the surface during engagement.

It's true that God is just. It's also true that he is infinitely merciful and wants so deeply for us to run to his mercy and to come back to him every time we fall. Be gentle with yourselves, don't give up the fight, and go to confession as often as you need to.

Make this time intentional.

On so many occasions, I wanted to fast forward through engagement and just get to the altar already. Normal as that might have been, it would've been unhealthy if my entire life was defined by the fact that I was engaged or if I didn't take pleasure in anything outside of my relationship. I needed to remind myself I was doing work I loved and sincerely enjoying my life's other pursuits.  

Time is sacred, for the simple yet profound fact that God freely chose to enter into it, a man among us. Use it well. A sense of sweetness can lie in the waiting, if you actively choose to develop it. It inspires a determination to not make engagement wasted time in your friendships, work, spiritual life, and overall sense of presence.

Are you currently engaged long-distance? We welcome the opportunity to pray for you in your journey and offer practical advice--we invite you to share your own tips and intentions in the comments and on our social media!

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Brooke + Timothy | Southern Classics Wedding

We are honored by the opportunity to walk alongside you in this marriage ministry, from Yes to I Do and beyond, and we love returning to our couples' stories as they continue to unfold. If we've featured your love story in our How He Asked engagement series and you now feel called to share your wedding with us, as well, submission details can be found here.

Revisit Brooke and Timothy's testimony and proposal here, then read on for the story of their Southern Virgina-inspired wedding day.

 Brooke and Tim became best friends at 13, more than friends at 16, husband and wife-to-be at 21, and spouses at 22. During their four years at separate colleges, they trusted in God’s faithfulness to sustain their relationship, growing in sacrifice towards their vocation through the distance.

It was Good Friday of their senior year when Tim got down on one knee, promising to spend the rest of his days laying down his own life for Brooke, the way Christ did for his bride on the cross, and asking her to do so in return. He proposed on the campus of the Catholic University of America, Brooke’s alma mater, and they returned there a year and a half later to become one.

From the Bride: Tim and I are really passionate about three things, all of which we wanted to pervade our wedding day: our Catholic faith, our Southern upbringing, and each other. These were the guiding inspirations we strove to weave into each and every part the day.

We knew that first and foremost, we wanted our wedding to be a testament to the grace, faithfulness, and love God has revealed to us throughout our relationship. Our top priority, then, was planning the Mass. Our priest said to us during marriage prep, "The Mass is your gift to one another." He was so right.

Taking the time to intentionally and prayerfully plan each part of the Mass was an opportunity to let God's story of faithfulness to us shine forth to our guests.

Every song, reading and prayer was hand-picked to communicate to our guests just how wonderful our God is. We were so blessed to have two of our dear friends be the musicians and cantors for us, and let me tell you, their voices must be a glimpse of what heaven sounds like. We asked them to sing "Set Me as a Seal" by Matt Maher as the Communion meditation, a special nod to our love story and the words Timmy used to propose to me: "You've been the perfect sister to me; will you be my bride?

Other family members and friends played important roles as well: My sister-in-law and Timmy's sister were our two readers, a dear friend was the altar server, and our marriage preparation mentors brought up the gifts. Seeing so many of our loved ones play integral roles in the Mass felt like a small glimpse of the Communion of Saints.

Not only did the readings, prayers and music we chose help our wedding feel uniquely us; so did two very special decisions we made. The first was our decision to walk down the aisle together. The Catholic Church believes marriage is the only one of the seven sacraments where the bishop, priest, or deacon is not the minister. It is actually the couple themselves who are the ministers of the Sacrament--how awesome is that? What a high calling and gift.

To symbolize our equal role as the ministers of the Sacrament, Tim and I walked down the aisle last, and together. As the bride, walking down together was especially important to me precisely because I didn't want all eyes on me.

I wanted all eyes on both of us. The wedding day is not just about the bride, despite the many times we are told that. Rather, it is about two unique and unrepeatable individuals becoming one.

To honor our parents, we asked them to wait at the end of the aisle, on either side, so we could hug them and thank them for bringing us to this moment before proceeding to the altar.

The second important decision we made was to honor the Blessed Virgin Mary by presenting her flowers towards the end of the Mass, accompanied by the singing of the Salve Regina. Mary has played an irreplaceable role in our relationship and our willingness to follow God's call for our lives. We truly believe we wouldn't be the people we are, or would have made it to our wedding day, day without her intercession. Honoring her was the perfect way of showing our guests how loving and powerful she is.

Our Southern upbringing found its way into the Mass. We wanted to incorporate family traditions and heirlooms into our wedding, while also starting new ones for us to pass down to our own family. In terms of carrying something of our family with us, my sweet mother-in-law so generously sewed us both handkerchiefs made out of Tim's great-grandmother's wedding dress, embroidered with the family initial, F. My own Nana gifted me a bridal satchel that her own mother had made her for her wedding day. As for creating our own tradition, my mother-in-law also helped us make a ring pillow out of swiss dot fabric and the same embroidered F. God willing, we will pass it on to our children one day.

Our love for the South, particularly our home state of Virginia, was most evident at the cocktail hour and reception. The outdoor cocktail hour featured chicken and waffle sliders, watermelon skewers, and a biscuit bar with Virginia Ham. Virginia Bold Rock Cider was served as our bride-and-groom specialty drink, along with a sweet tea bar for our guests to enjoy, as well. Guests played corn hole and ring toss on the grass as they waited for the reception to start.

Inside the hall, the sights of hydrangeas, garden roses, monograms, and swiss dots made our wedding unmistakably Southern-inspired. Our buffet was a good ole' Southern barbecue that also included bacon brussel sprouts, mac and cheese, and cornbread. For desert, Tim and I had a small, personal red velvet cake and offered guests five different flavors of homemade pie.

Getting back to sharing our Catholic faith, though, we found small and intentional ways of continuing to celebrate the reason for our joy--the sacrament of marriage--during the reception. First, each guest's place card was a letter to them, thanking them for being with us on the most important day of our lives, singing God's praises, and gushing over some personal anecdote of our love for them.

Next, each table's centerpiece featured a framed quote by Saint John Paul II, written in calligraphy by one of my fantastic bridesmaids. Each quote spoke to the nature of the sacrament. We hoped to use them as an opportunity to share with our guests the beauty of the Church's teaching, as well as teach them about the saint we are forever indebted and devoted to. Lastly, our favors were prayer cards to Saint John Paul II, plus a JPII medallion with hand-tied velvet ribbon. We were so grateful for the opportunity to share things so close to our hearts.

When I think back to my wedding day, honestly, a lot of it is a blur. Any bride can tell you there are so many moving pieces and faces that it is hard to sit back and truly take it all in. It is easy to become overwhelmed and distracted, and I felt that temptation so many times on my wedding day.

But there are two times of the day that I remember clear as day: our first look and our wedding Mass. And for that, I am so so grateful. We did our first look in our favorite chapel on the campus of The Catholic University of America, and I can still feel the stillness, quiet and light streaming in from the stained glass windows. Having the opportunity to see each other for the first time in that chapel, to kneel side by side and to pour our hearts out to God together, just the two of us, was such a blessing. That time allowed us to focus on why we there and what was most important to us: the sacrament of marriage. It let us pray about all of our anxieties and worries, our families, our guests, and our own hearts. It wasn't long after that we were walking into the church together. This time, too, is a memory that is so clear to me and that I cherish so much.

Looking back, I realize that it was the times of prayer on my wedding day that were the most important and memorable.

So many other things happened that day, all of which were beautiful and good in their own right, but even those things pale in comparison to the peace and joy I felt standing beside my beloved, letting God's grace work in our hearts to bring us into this glorious sacrament.

As for everything else on the wedding day, for any other brides who may need the same reminder I needed, I frequently thought of this quote by St. Francis de Sales: "Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset."

Photography: Birds of a Feather Photography | Church: Saint Vincent's Chapel at The Catholic University of America | First look location: Caldwell Chapel at The Catholic University of America) | Reception: Heritage Hall at The Catholic University of America | Rings: Royale Jewelers, MD | Flowers: Purchased from Potomac Wholesale and Trader Joes
Chair Rentals: Party Rental LTD | Caterer: Aramark Catering at The Catholic University of America | Bride's Dress: Hayley Paige | Bride's Shoes: BHLDN | Bride's Necklace: BHLDN | Bridesmaid's Dresses: BHLDN | Groomsmen's Attire: The Black Tux rentals | Planning, Coordination, Design: Bride

Why I Didn't Use Pinterest to Plan My Wedding

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

I remember when Pinterest became popular, because it coincided roughly with the time when I first began blogging. I had dreams of becoming a Catholic fashion blogger, so Pinterest seemed like a brilliant concept to me: one convenient digital home for all of my favorite style, decor, and recipe ideas. I got to a point where I was spending hours on Pinterest each day, constantly re-pinning from other boards, checking to see who had re-pinned or liked my pins, and scouring my favorite blogs for images to pin. It became unhealthy, and once I recognized my addiction, I stopped using Pinterest cold turkey. It is a form of social media that I simply couldn’t use in moderation.

Fast forward to the summer of 2016. I was engaged and in the midst of planning a wedding within a five month time frame. Every wedding vendor I contacted asked to see Pinterest boards for examples of my aesthetic, and I think I surprised all of them when I admitted that I hadn’t actually created any Pinterest wedding boards. Even in the height of my Pinterest obsession, I had an intuition that creating a “dream wedding” board would not be good for me emotionally, nor would it be good for my eventual wedding budget.

How did I plan a wedding in five months without Pinterest? Considering the fact that I was 32 and had been to many weddings by the time I was engaged, I had a good sense for what I did and did not want in terms of flowers, a dress, reception venue, and so on. I ended up being thankful that I had broken my Pinterest habit long ago, because it made the planning process much simpler and less stressful. 

Instead of scrolling through a seemingly infinite number of ideas for centerpieces, wedding favors, dresses, hairstyles, and bouquets, I shared my initial thoughts with my vendors, and trusted them to execute things beautifully. Also, many of the wedding-related photos on Pinterest are so stylized and luxe that they are cost-prohibitive for the average bride, and can lead to sadness and jealousy--neither of which are from the Lord.

Don’t get me wrong: I don’t think Pinterest is bad in and of itself, nor do I think it’s completely useless. I can be a useful tool for brides who are on the fence about what they want, or who are super crafty and want a DIY wedding, need some Spoken Bride-style inspiration for their Mass or reception, or who simply aren’t going to get sucked into the vortex of comparison and greed that can be prompted in some of us (me) by Pinterest. 

But if you’re like me, and Pinterest is more of an occasion for sin than it is a helpful tool, consider either scaling back on your Pinterest time or not using it at all, and focus on working directly with your vendors to design the various aspects of your wedding. You may find that wedding planning is much less stressful this way, and that it will still be beautiful, because it will be a reflection of the love of Christ present in you and your future husband’s relationship.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments: did you use Pinterest when planning your wedding? Did you choose not to? Please share! 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Our Best of 2017

Thanks to the beautiful vulnerability and generosity of spirit given by each of you in the Spoken Bride community, it’s been our honor to share such precious parts of your hearts, and ours, in 2017. Here, as we close this year, a look back at our featured love stories and a collection of our favorite posts.

As you plan your nuptial liturgy

• Guidelines and suggested wording for your wedding program
• An introduction to the Byzantine Rite of Marriage
• Writing your own Prayers of the Faithful

Practical and spiritual wedding planning tips

• 3 first steps to take after getting engaged
• A non-typical, yet incredibly effective, system for planning and organization 
• Distinctively Catholic ways to commemorate the dead at your Mass and reception 
• Questions to consider as you decide whether or not to have a First Look 
• Why pre-marital counseling might be a better fit for you than you thought

Prayer

• How to create your own wedding novena
• How to pray with your beloved when you have different habits and spiritualities

If you’re in need of encouragement

• You are more than your imperfections.
•  Struggling with chastity? You’re not alone…
•  ...and these practices might help you in your struggle.
• Ways to grow in friendship with your spouse when romantic emotion comes and goes
• Living in the longing
• Advice for finding comfort amidst fear of losing your beloved

As you plan your honeymoon

• Real talk about your wedding night, no matter where you’ve been
• Tips for a Roman honeymoon and having your marriage blessed by the Pope
• The joys and challenges of a “honeymoon baby”
• The editors share their favorite unexpected, yet essential, traveling items

You are a bride, a beloved. Cherish this sacred time.

• This is the essence of being a bride.
• A professional tutorial on doing your own wedding-day makeup
• How to give yourself permission to be surprised
• You are a bride always--even if you no longer feel like one after your wedding day.

Our Best Nine, According to Instagram

L-R Clockwise: Laurel Creative, Rae & Michael Photography, Elissa Voss Photography, Mary Katherine Photography, Leah Muse Photography, L'Osservatore Romano Photography, Sweetness & hope Mamas, Du Castel Photography, Jenn HarkleRoad Photography

From us to you, thank you for taking part in Spoken Bride's ministry, whether through your social media interaction, your submissions, your patronage of our Catholic wedding vendors, or simply through having clicked over to the site. All glory and thanks to the one whose hand has guided this mission and brought you here. We sincerely hope the words and images you've found here have been a source of authenticity and beauty in your heart, your spiritual life, and your relationship. Be assured of our prayers as we, like you, strive for heaven in this vocation of marriage. We’re grateful and eager to continue serving you and sharing in sisterhood in 2018!

Christina + Kristian | Austin Christmas Wedding

As our Associate Editor Christina Jaloway and her husband Kristian celebrate their first anniversary this Christmas season, we're overjoyed to share their wedding day with you!

Revisit Christina and Kristians' testimony and proposal here, then read on for the story of their Christmas season wedding, with beautifully rustic seasonal touches.

Christina and Kristian had a whirlwind courtship that began when Christina's mom met Kristian after Mass on January 31, 2016 and "introduced" them to each other via Facebook. A week later, Kristian flew from Austin, TX (Christina's hometown) to Phoenix, AZ (where Christina was living at the time) to take her on their first date. From almost the beginning of their relationship, both Christina and Kristian had the sense that the other was "the one", but they both felt the need to be prudent. When you're 32 and 40, prudence looks like waiting a few months before deciding to live in the same city and seriously discern marriage. Christina moved back home to Texas in May, Kristian proposed in July, and the couple were married on December 29, 2016--less than a year after they first met.

In Christina’s words: Our nuptial Mass was heavenly. From the moment I heard the preludes begin, I had total peace about entering into the sacrament of marriage with Kristian. As I walked down the aisle to "O Come All Ye Faithful," I had to hold back my tears; I was surrounded by family and friends who had loved and supported Kristian and me throughout our lives. My dad and I tried to keep our pace on the slow side so that I could take it all in, and I did. Kristian was beaming at me as my dad handed me off, and it locking eyes with him at that moment was surreal, to say the least.

I thought my joy was full at that point, but the Lord seemed to expand my heart as the Mass progressed: through the readings (read by our dads), which we had so carefully chosen, the beautiful music, and the gorgeous neo-Byzantine chapel with Christ the Teacher gazing down on us from above. By the time we got to the vows, I was overflowing with the deepest joy and gratitude I'd ever known. I'll never forget pledging my love for Kristian while holding the crucifix, and hearing him do the same for me. I'll cherish the memory of bringing flowers in honor of the Blessed Mother to the Nativity Scene and chanting the Salve Regina with what sounded like the entire congregation joining in.

Before we processed out of the chapel, Kristian and I paused and faced our friends and family as we sang "O God Beyond All Praising" with overflowing hearts. I could hardly believe that after so many years of praying and hoping and crying and waiting that I was finally united to the man who would help me get to heaven. My tears began to flow, but they were the most joyful tears of my life.

Later, at the reception, one of my aunts, who works at a Catholic church and has coordinated many wedding Masses, told me I was the happiest bride she'd ever seen. To which I replied, "How could I not be?" It took many years of single life for the Lord to bring Kristian and me together, but I can confidently say now that it was entirely worth the wait, and that the wait made that day so much sweeter and more profoundly beautiful than either of us could have imagined. I have to give major credit to our photographer for capturing the joy of the day so well: thank you, Leah!

In terms of the look of the wedding, I took advantage of the fact that we got married during the Octave of Christmas, which also happens to be my favorite time of the year, especially in Texas. Instead of picking one or two colors, I just went with rich jewel tones and gold accents, and let my bridesmaids (who are all family) pick their own dresses. The fact that they all ended up wearing long dresses in a similar shade was their doing entirely; I knew I didn’t have to worry about what the girls would pick as they all have excellent taste.  

Gretchen O’Neil and her team at Petals, ink. did a fantastic job on the florals: my bridesmaids and flower girls wore flower crowns (because...why not?) and I carried the most delicious-smelling bouquet of gardenia, ranunculus, roses, and winter greenery, wrapped with a beautiful white rosary that my sister Elisa bought for me. I also carried my deceased grandmother Flora's prayer book with me down the aisle, which all of my aunts and married cousins have also done. At the reception, I wore a wreath (also made by Gretchen) which was the perfect accent to my tulle ball gown and made me feel like queen-for-the-day.

Our beautiful and delicious cakes were designed by my brother Sean and his artistic team of bakers and decorators at Sweet Treets Bakery. The bride’s cake had three different flavors (my favorite was the almond) and was decorated in the “nearly naked” style that I prefer since I’m not a big icing person. Gretchen and Sean worked together to make the cake even more beautiful with florals and greenery. The groom's cake (a tradition in Texas) is a nod to two of Kristian's great loves (flying and the mountains), three of the places where he's lived/gone to school, and the fact that he reminds me of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, whose famous saying was "Verso l'alto!" or, "To the heights!"

Our invitations, seating chart, programs, and table numbers were all designed as a gift by one of my former students, Jenny, who is a talented graphic designer. She spent hours working on everything so that it would all look cohesive and beautiful, and I can't thank her enough.

The wedding favors (which I don't have a full photo of) were small Rose Harrington Art Prints of one of my favorite St. Augustine quotes, "Love is the beauty of the soul." I can't recommend her beautiful work highly enough!

Although the farm-to-table food at Barr Mansion was insanely good, my two favorite parts of the reception were by far the dancing and the toasts. My family loves to dance and our wedding reception was no exception (see photographic evidence below). Kristian and I took dance lessons for a few months before the wedding so that we could do a polished waltz to "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" by Lady Antebellum. It was so much fun and a great bonding experience for both of us. The toasts, especially the Holy Spirit-inspired one given by my sister Elisa were eloquent reminders of how blessed Kristian and I are to have such incredible families.

Speaking of families: there were a lot of them at our wedding. We had over 50 children under ten in attendance, and made sure they (and their parents) had a great time by providing coloring books, supervision during dinner--courtesy of my obliging college-age cousins--lots of outdoor space, and plenty of room on the dance floor. I loved seeing my nieces playing with my friends’ kids and watching my supermom friends dance with their babies in tow. The number of children at the wedding and reception was a reminder to everyone present that one of the two purposes of marriage is the procreation of children; plus, kids make dance floors more fun!

As Kristian and I got into our getaway car and headed to our honeymoon suite at a little B&B, I had one of the lines from "O God Beyond All Praising" stuck in my head: "blessings without number, mercies without end."

From the Groom: I have never experienced such a fast Mass as at our wedding; it literally seemed to fly by. Maybe part of it was the long wait to get to that day, or maybe it was just that Christina prepared the Mass with so much attention to detail, but it seemed like everything was in fast forward. Well, everything except for the twenty-one petitions Christina wrote for the prayers of the faithful.

We got to the vows in no time. My heart was bursting with joy the entire Mass. My friends knew how long my discernment had been, and how close to the priesthood I got, but I must say that not even serving at the Papal Mass in St. Peter’s Basilica could compare to this Mass. At the end of this Mass, I would be united to the most amazing woman in the entire world for the rest of my life.

A priest buddy of mine says discernment is where your will and God’s will meet. For me, that happened when I met Christina Grace. There we were, less than a year after our first meeting, standing before the Church, with several priest friends, with our parents and siblings and buddies and everybody else--all knowing full well what was going to happen that night--saying with their presence that this is good. God is good and he loves us so much, and we could feel it as he looked down from heaven and from the altar upon us, his little children. He continues to look down from the crucifix that hangs on the wall as I write this, with Christina snuggled up next to me on the couch. God’s will is mysterious, because she is a woman (dolcemente complicata or "sweetly complicated" as the Italians say), but it is so beautiful.

Advice from Christina: I don't think Kristian and I would have had such a blessed wedding day had we not prepared so much for our marriage through prayer, reading, tough conversations, and counseling--but especially prayer. During our engagement, we prayed every night, out loud, and extemporaneously. I think it makes a big difference in your relationship with Christ and with each other if you speak to the Lord together without the comfort of memorized prayers (those have their place, of course).

The fruit of this kind of prayer became clear to me at our pre-rehearsal Holy Hour: all I could pray the entire time was, "thank you, Jesus." Because despite the stress of engagement and wedding planning, I had complete peace about marrying Kristian. Kristian and I also met before the Mass in the confessional (so we wouldn't see each other) and prayed together, which I highly recommend. Prayer is the foundation of the spiritual life, and praying with your fiancé or spouse builds intimacy in a way that nothing else does.

Photographer: Leah Muse Photography  | Church: St. Louis King of France Catholic Church  | Reception & Catering: Barr Mansion | Flowers: Petals, ink.  | Dress: Second Summer Bride | Cakes: Sweet Treets  | Lighting: Ilios Lighting Design  | Alcohol: Trader Joe's  | Bridal party hair: Blo Blow Dry Bar| Programs and seating chart: Designed by a friend, printed by Miller Printing  | Invitations and table numbers: Designed by a friend, printed by Paper Place | Wedding Favors: HatchPrints | Band: Jumpstart

Editors Share | Wedding Readings

It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share ours with you, as well. Today, the team shares the meaning behind the readings used at their wedding Masses.

Carrie Joy Photography, c/o Emily Kathryn Designs

Christina, Associate Editor

First reading, Tobit 8:4b-8: When I was single, St. Raphael was one of my most-loved intercessors, thanks to the book of Tobit--one of the most under-appreciated books in the Deuterocanon. That alone was enough to make this reading a top contender, but in the end we chose it because of the important role prayer has played (and will continue to play) in our relationship, and because the prayer of Tobias and Sarah recounts the establishment of marriage by God in Genesis. It’s like getting two Old Testament readings for the price of one!

Second Reading, 1 Cor. 12:27–13:8a: For the longest time, I swore I would never choose this reading for my nuptial Mass, simply because everyone chooses it. But, as my husband Kristian and I were praying about which readings to choose, we kept coming back to St. Paul’s famous “hymn to love.” It is the perfect description of the kind of love Christ has for his Church, and the love Kristian and I strive to show each other.

Gospel, Luke 1: 26-38: We chose this Gospel because it is the preeminent example of the fact that “nothing is impossible for God.” Throughout our single years, Kristian and I both struggled to believe we could, like Mary, trust in the Lord completely and place our lives in his hands. When we met and fell in love, our faith in God’s ability to do the seemingly impossible was renewed. In response to this gift,we hope to make Mary’s fiat our own throughout our life together.

Stephanie, Co-Founder + Editor in Chief

First Reading, Tobit 8:4b-8: Valentines’ Day of my sophomore year of college, I read an article by the Vatican’s Zenit News describing several individuals who’d met their future spouses after habitually saying a particular prayer to St. Raphael, the intercessor of Sarah and Tobias’ relationship in the Book of Tobit, the patron of “happy meetings,” and of Christian marriage. Honestly, I was skeptical, but having known the ache of singleness and deep desire to be known and seen, I began saying the prayer daily for my future husband.

God is never outdone in generosity. Three years later, I met my husband, and we continued praying to St. Raphael in thanksgiving, and for friends and family, as we dated. When the time came to choose our wedding readings, an Old Testament reading reflecting our devotion to him seemed like a natural choice. This reading from Tobit, the wedding night prayer of Sarah and Tobias, is beautiful to us for its words of love prevailing over lust and life over death. A love that praises the Father and is life-giving is what we strive for in our marriage, and we revisit these words often.

Second Reading, Eph. 5:2a, 21-33: I have to admit choosing this passage as our Second Reading was partially rooted in defiance. St. Paul’s instruction that wives be subordinate to their husbands is so widely rejected or misunderstood. We hoped for an opportunity to shed some light and clarity on what is actually a beautiful framework for self-giving, self-emptying love that imitates Christ’s own sacrifice. Our priest did illuminate the true meaning of this reading wonderfully in his homily.

Gospel, John 2:1-11: From the start, Our Lady has been the avenue of grace upon grace in our relationship. At Cana, as Jesus readies himself to perform his first public miracle, water into wine, his mother instructs the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” My husband and I loved the fact that it’s at a wedding where Christ chooses to begin revealing his glory, elevating marriage to a sacrament, and moreover, that Our Lady speaks not only to the servants, but to us. Seeking to follow Jesus, through Mary, is a constant pursuit in our marriage, beginning with that Gospel right before we said our vows.

Andi, Business Director

First Reading, Genesis 1:26-28, 31a: I love this reading for its simplicity. At the time of our wedding in 2007, the definition of marriage was much less controversial. This is where it all began: God creating man and woman and affirming them as good. He then blesses all of creation and commands them to be fruitful and multiply--something we hoped would happen soon after our wedding.

Second Reading, Eph. 5:2a, 21-33: During my courtship with my husband, my girlfriends and I delved into this passage from Ephesians and what it really meant for husbands and wives. When wives submit themselves to the mission of their husbands, whose role it is to die to themselves for their wives and family. We were blown away by the beauty of it all.

The Gospel we chose is same as Stephanie’s, and we selected it for a similar reason.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Our Lady and the Solemnity of her Assumption played a significant role in our courtship, and since the date of our wedding providentially fell on that day, we decided to have our Nuptial Mass fulfill the Holy Day of Obligation. Our wedding was celebrated as a Solemn High Mass in the Tridentine Latin Rite (Extraordinary Form); within the Extraordinary Form, the readings are on a one-year cycle (vs. a three-year cycle in the Novus Ordo). Therefore, the readings for August 15, our wedding day, are always an Epistle from Judith 13:22-25 15:10, and a Gospel from Luke 1:41-50. It was so special for us to honor Our Lady in such a way.

Your story is a blessing to our community. We look forward to hearing the stories behind your own wedding readings in the comments and on our social media!

Advent, Marriage, and Waiting in Joyful Hope

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

All of us know how difficult it is to wait: for Christmas morning, for an acceptance letter, for a diagnosis, for a spouse, for a job offer, for a child. If you’re currently engaged, you know how difficult it is to wait for your wedding day, and how the longing to be united to your beloved increases day by day.

If you’re married, you know that when that day finally does come, while it is the fulfillment of so many hopes, dreams, and prayers, it’s only the beginning. You begin to wait for the next big milestone: your first child, your first home, and so on. And when the pregnancy test is positive, or you sign the lease or mortgage papers, a new season of waiting begins.

Leah Muse Photography

It’s tempting, however, to think that once we get what we’ve been waiting for, we’ll be set. A friend of mine calls this “missing puzzle piece syndrome”. As a single woman, I struggled against the false notion that once I was married, I’d be set: no more loneliness, no more anxiety, no more waiting. Thankfully, the Lord purified me of this belief throughout my decade of singleness and helped me embrace the truth that I will be waiting and longing for the fullness of redemption until I die.

Not only did this realization prepare me for a more realistic (and therefore beautiful) understanding of the purpose and meaning of marriage, it also prevented me from making my husband into an idol, or expecting him to save me. Marriage, like all of vocations, is a path, not an end unto itself. And in that sense, it is a season of waiting like Advent.

As I’ve gotten older, Advent has become more to me than a season of waiting and preparation for the great feast of Christ’s Nativity; it’s also a reminder to us that we, both as individuals and as a Church, are still in Advent. We are still waiting for Christ to come, both at the end of time and into each moment of our daily life. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (now Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI) wrote that

Advent is not just a matter of remembrance and playing at what is past—Advent is our present, our reality: the Church is not just playing at something here; rather, she is referring us to something that also represents the reality of our Christian life. It is through the meaning of the season of Advent in the Church’s year that she revives our awareness of this. She should make us face these facts, make us admit the extent of being unredeemed, which is not something that lay over the world at once time, and perhaps somewhere still does, but is a fact in our own lives and in the midst of the Church.

As Advent draws to a close, take some time to meditate on the fact that no matter what you are waiting for, the Lord has even more that he desires to give you: Himself. And you don’t have to wait till Christmas morning to receive this gift: He is waiting for you now, in the Eucharist, in his Word, and in the incarnate love of those he has placed in your life. 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Jamaila + Andy | Nature-Inspired Wedding

Jamaila and Andy’s story began with the Frassati Fellowship of NYC, a young adult group inspired by the life of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati. Andy's experience with the group began the year he moved to New York to discern a life with the Community of the Franciscan Friars of Renewal. He later discerned out and moved back to his hometown of Columbus, Ohio, but stayed in contact with the order’s vocations director, Fr. Gabriel, CFR, who invited him to his first Frassati Fellowship retreat.

Andy left the retreat with a renewed desire for community. Soon after, he returned to the city, became a regular at Frassati, and later led the group's music ministry.

Meanwhile, Jamaila had begun working in the city around the time Andy was with the CFRs, attending one young adult event to another in search of other faithful professionals. But it would be five years before her path brought her to Frassati, and to Andy.

In 2015, Jamaila signed up for a mission trip to Peru with Frassat. Despite her reservations about making the trip from New Jersey to Queens, felt the Holy Spirit nudging her to attend a party for the missionaries prior to the trip. Like her, Andy also initially planned not to attend. At the last minute, he hopped on a bus from Manhattan to Astoria.

That night, Jamaila and Andy spent the entire party talking about their families and shared love of the outdoors. To Jamaila’s disappointment, Andy didn't ask for her number, and she left that night thinking she’d never see him again.

Much to her surprise, she received an email from Andy the following month, telling her about a hike with the group. Neither ended up going, but that note was the start of a correspondence, You’ve Got Mail-style, with constant emails throughout the day.

Three months after their first meeting, the two went on their first date to the New York Botanical Gardens. Soon after, atop a small mountain reserve upstate, Andy asked Jamaila to be his girlfriend as the sun was going down.

She took a picture of sunset with her instant film camera, writing on the film, "Lead me to adventures. Lead me to Christ. I'll follow."

Eight months later, at the Our Lady of Guadalupe Shrine in Lindenwold, New Jersey, Andy proposed.

From the Bride: During our first conversation, we learned we shared the same “Top 3” loves: God, family, and the outdoors. We planned for all three to be a part of our wedding day.

We chose to marry on the Feast of St. Jude to honor my devotion to him, the patron of hope and impossible causes. Our nuptial Mass was concelebrated by six priests, with our hope that our wedding witness not just to the sacrament of marriage, but also to the various vocations God calls us to, by having our religious brothers and sisters attend the wedding.

Starting the night before the wedding when we decorated the venue together, we were surrounded by our family and friends throughout. We used various greens as décor, from ferns tossed between our candlelit jars to the ivy hung as our photo booth backdrop to the eucalyptus in my bouquet.

My rings are inspired by God and his creation. They’re a sign of love: for God, His love for us, Andy’s and my love for each other, and our shared love of nature. My engagement ring has three stones, a reminder to keep him at the center of our relationship: in the center is a pearl, delicate like our hearts, always in need of his purifying grace. It was kept in its natural shape, unfinished, just like us. God isn't finished with us. The side stones reflect the silence of mountains and shadows of the setting sun. They appear pink and purple under the evening sky, and when the morning light hits, they turn blue-green like the ocean. My branch-like wedding band holds our memories of wildflower fields, giant trees, and times spent in awe of his creation. 

The night before our wedding, we had our rehearsal and more importantly, a Holy Hour. It included Praise & Worship led by Andy, confession, and Adoration. We desired to be in the presence of Christ in those last moments preparing for the sacrament. In the hours leading up to our Mass, various friends and family members asked how we felt. We could only describe it as peace.

From the get-go, we knew God made us for each other, so only his peace consumed us that morning. Our First Look before the Mass reminded me of Alice von Hildebrand’s words: she likens seeing your spouse as their true self for the first time to how the Apostles first see Christ in His Glory. She says,

“Trust this bright Tabor vision you’ve been given. Daily rekindle it in your heart and let it nurture your love. If you let it form the cornerstone of your faithfulness to your husband your marriage will be rich, indeed.”

It was truly a glimpse of Andy about to fulfill his vocation as my husband.

It was important for Andy and I to incorporate both Church traditions and cultural traditions into our wedding mass. We walked down the aisle together to signify our partnership and journey to God as one. During the Offertory, our cantor sang the Litany of Saints to invoke their prayers for our marriage. In the Filipino culture, the bride and groom are draped with a veil and cord. I had my aunt bring a veil and cord from her trip to the Philippines to incorporate into our Mass. The veil represents being clothed as one under the protection of God, and the cord symbolizes our bond. Before the final blessing we processed to a statue of Mary and laid a bouquet of flowers at her feet. As we knelt in front of our Mother, we prayed for her intercession for a holy marriage.

Leading up to the wedding, Andy and I prayed St. Josemaria Escriva's Novena for a Happy & Faithful Marriage. It helped us to stay focused on our marriage instead of the wedding itself. During our marriage prep, our priest recommended we appoint tasks to trusted friends and family during the wedding so we didn't have to worry about them. This truly helped us stay calm on the day of. Every time I look at our photos or watch our wedding video I am reminded of God's love for us.

Photography: Laurel Creative | Church: Church of Immaculate Conception of St. Teresa of Calcutta Parish in Montclair, NJ | Reception Venue: The Woman's Club of Ridgewood - Ridgewood, NJ | Rings: Ken & Dana Designs | Veil: Twigs & Honey for J. Crew | Dress: Bijou Bridal of Philadelphia | Caterer: Leonardo's Restaurant (Lawrenceville, NJ) | Band During Mass: Scott Tran Music | DJ/Emcee During Reception: Derek Hall of The Block Party

Five Distinctively Catholic Ways to Celebrate Christmas as a Couple

STEPHANIE CALIS

The season of Advent is rich with rituals and traditions: prayers like the O Antiphons and St. Andrew Christmas Novena; Advent wreaths; nativities; Lessons and Carols; the feasts of St. Nicolas, the Immaculate Conception, Our Lady of Guadalupe, and St. Lucia. Each of these point us to our Bethlehem, stretching us in desire and anticipation for the Father’s most generous gift to us: his own, beloved son.

Elissa Voss Photography

But what about the Christmas season? Suddenly, after four weeks of preparation and deeper silence, you’ve arrived at the humble stable where our Savior was born, perhaps with a sense that there’s less time or opportunity to celebrate liturgically. It’s true the Christmas season might bring with it different social obligations than the days prior--matters like travel and extended visits with family and friends--yet it’s still possible to truly enter into Jesus’ birth by creating new spiritual traditions of your own. Here, five suggestions for continuing to cultivate prayer, reverence, and wonder with your fiancé or husband after the fourth purple candle is lit:

Go to Mass, as a couple, as often as possible.

If the two of you have time off from work or school, take advantage of daily Mass. At Christmas, the reality of the Incarnation--of our salvation come down to us in the flesh--rings out. Meditating on the living Jesus in the Eucharist, in light of his coming to us as a tiny child, is profoundly beautiful. May we receive him, may we come to adore him, in full. Even if you’re staying with faraway family or friends as guests or have a packed social calendar, carving out an hour to attend Mass together, maybe with time for a quick coffee date after, is a relatively small investment of your time that pays dividends in graces received.

Host a Christmas morning party…

...in the middle of the night. If you’re attending Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, invite friends from your parish or community to celebrate with you after. It can be as simple as a potluck, caroling and games or as involved as a more formal, elaborate meal. One of my fondest memories of growing up is the block party my parents and neighbors would hold each year on the night of Christmas Eve, chatting in the street around a fire pit while sharing Christmas cookies, wine, and simple hors d'oeuvres.

Delve into the gift of self.

St. John Paul II wrote, “The human body includes right from the beginning…the capacity of expressing love, that love in which the person becomes a gift – and by means of this gift – fulfills the meaning of his being and existence.” If you’ve never taken in this great saint’s Theology of the Body, a series of weekly audiences intended to illuminate our identities as man and woman within the Father’s divine plan for creation and salvation, the Christmas season is the perfect time for an introduction. The Theology of the Body explains the ancient, constant truth of God’s immense love of lavishing gifts on us, his created and embodied children--made out of love, for love, in his own image--in the language of spousal imagery and the hope of our resurrection and eternal life. After all, it’s through the body that Christ is born to the world; through the body that he lays down his life; through the body that we receive his real presence still, the source and summit of our faith.

Create a ritual to celebrate the Christmas Octave.

The Octave of Christmas, as its name suggests, is the first eight days of the season, beginning on Christmas Day and concluding with the Nativity of the Lord. Liturgically, each day of the octave is celebrated as a solemnity, as if each day is equal in magnitude and joy as December 25.

To acknowledge and feast in these eight days, consider employing a special ritual with your beloved for each day or night of the Octave. You might exchange daily love letters or prayer intentions, Mass or Adoration, and enjoying a treat together--samplers of coffee, spirits, or chocolate are widely available, at every price point, around this time of year.

Anticipate Epiphany.

It’s a great gift to us that seasons within the Church are so distinctive, with particular practices for all her various feasts and celebrations. As the Feast of the Epiphany, the conclusion of the Christmas season approaches, take time to consider ways you might celebrate as a couple, such as King Cake or the Chalking of the Doors.

The first year we were married, my husband and I drove four hours to stay our families for the holidays, the trunk of our shared car packed with half-ready gifts. We stayed up long past midnight on Christmas Eve, drinking coffee and wrapping presents. He hoped, he told me, that every Christmas to come would be marked with a similar giddiness borne of anticipation, exhaustion, and a shared life. My heart beats faster when I stop to recognize that in the years since, that’s been more than true.

We love walking with you in your vocation and your own pilgrimage to the Christ Child, and would love to hear the Christmas rituals you’re developing in your own relationship and home!

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Vendor Spotlight | Stanley Murzyn Photography

It’s surprising how vocation can be a constant source of change: within a certain call, the Lord often continues to whisper still to our hearts. Stanley Murzyn gets this. A former seminarian turned husband and father-to-be, and former hurricane recovery worker, conservationist, and homeless shelter operator turned photographer, Stan’s professional and personal pursuits speak to pursuing the smaller calls within the larger ones, and putting them at the service of others.

A lifelong lover of taking photos, Stan first began pursuing photography more seriously during a study abroad program in Taiwan. Years later, after documenting a cross-country motorcycle trip using only his iPhone, he desired to grow in technical skill, and learned to shoot with a DSLR camera for the first time. Before long, at his wife Justina’s encouragement, his hobby became a business as of 2016.

A few years prior, after discerning he wasn’t called to the priesthood, Stan left seminary with a conviction that the best thing he could do with his life was to imitate Jesus and St. Joseph, particularly in their example of a simple, holy life and of practicing a craft. In this sense, he has a love for the technical aspect of the art of photography. That attention to technique, combined with his past experience in the non-profit and service world, lends itself not only to beautifully captured images, but to a client experience rooted in relationship. After all, it’s through relationship that we’re able to hear the Father’s voice and embrace our callings.

 From Stan: [My wife] has really kindled the creative flame within me, giving me courage to pursue that aspect of my personality. Since a child, I've always had a camera in my hand and loved telling stories. Now I'm dedicated to capturing and telling those stories for solid Catholic marriages. Christ has made himself so very present in our marriage and it's a daily gift. It's an amazing thing to be a part of and witness in others’ marriages.

STANLEY MURZYN PHOTOGRAPHY | WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER

 

Catholic Photographers Share 4 Tips for Your Engagement Session

BERNADETTE AND STEVE DALGETTY

For some--if not most--couples, getting your photograph taken can be unnerving! It’s not a common or normal experience. An engagement session is often the first time a couple has ever had professional photographs taken. From us to you, here are four ways to make the most of your engagement portraits so that, first, you and your fiancé receive images you're truly happy with, and second, that you have an incredible time during the actual session. In fact, the second point--having an amazing time--is critical because it directly influences the first--receiving photographs you’ll always cherish.

It's mutual.

Your photographer is going to bring the artistic vision and necessary equipment to create a session that delivers portraits he or she hopes will truly connect with you as a couple, providing something lasting and meaningful for your relationship.

That being said, it’s important to realize that you are co-creators in this process. For your photographer to truly capture amazing images of the real you, the real you needs to show up, ready to join in. In a big way, that means being willing to let your guard down: be vulnerable and share your love, your joy, your laughter, your tears, and your honesty.  

Consider: when it's just the two of you alone, and you feel truly connected as a couple, how do you act? How do you laugh? How do you embrace? How do you hold hands? How do you kiss? How do you look at one another?  

Focus on those questions instead of on posing or how you think you look. The couple "poses" that look absolutely amazing in final images are usually the ones that simply show a couple being truly themselves, letting their love shine through. Authentic love is about as natural as it gets, and you don’t need to be professional models to convey that.

You just need to be you. Sometimes that's incredibly serious and intimate. Sometimes that's silly jokes and laughing to the point of tears. Whatever it is, let it be you. If you're willing to show that level of vulnerability with your photographer, we promise you are giving them an incredible starting point to create meaningful engagement photos.

Prepare emotionally.

We have been married for eight years. One thing we've realized about our own relationship is that it's crazy hard to just flip an emotional switch, quickly changing from being wrapped up in our individual busy lives to being truly present to one another. There have been times we've gone out on amazing planned date nights, yet haven't connected at all because we weren't in the right state of mind. If our minds are stuck on work, kids, or other life obligations it's impossible to switch on the spot to romantic date mode. The result is that those dates ends up mediocre, at best. For us, as a couple, to go on amazing dates we have to proactively enter into the right state of mind and leave everything else behind.  

It's the same for photos. We just advised that you to show up and be your vulnerable, loving selves in front of the camera, but true to our own experience, we don't expect you to flip a switch at the start of your portraits and be able to do that on the spot.  

Our best tip for making that transformation a natural one is to consider making the entire day of your session about the two of you, letting your portraits just serve as an extension of an already amazing time. Better yet, make the entire weekend about you! No wedding plans; no talk about work or school or family obligations. Think about the days that have been most incredible for the two of you as a couple, and and identify ways to recreate them.

Spend time doing some things you love, and you’ll show up to your engagement session in that state. It will help you be more present and connected.  

Be you.

Dress like you. Be comfortable. Fit the environment.  

In other words, if you're going to be exploring fields and trails in the woods, leave the heels at home. If your session will feature a classy evening in the city and you love to dress up, then by all means, get dressed up.

At the end of the day, your clothing choices are not what the session is about. Yet it is important that your attire complements who you are as individuals, without diminishing your comfort level and emotional state.

Unplug.

Leave your phones in the car (unless there's a real emergency reason for you to be on call). Nothing kills being present like getting texted!

Images by the authors, via An Endless Pursuit Photography.

---

About the Authors: Steve and Bernadette Dalgetty are the husband and wife photography team behind An Endless Pursuit. For the past eight years they have documented stories, celebrating marriage and families throughout the greater Washington DC area and around the country. Steve and Bernadette currently live in a 125 year-old home in Leesburg, Virginia with their three kids. They met in college at Franciscan University of Steubenville, and named their photography business after their dating relationship that took a few tries to get right. They love the world of wedding photography because of the incredible witness it has been for their own marriage, observing the love of couples each weekend and seeing their joy as they make their vows.

WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM

Mary the Dawn: Immaculate Conception Meditations for Couples

The Solemnities throughout the church year are a wonderful opportunity to take the time to reflect on the mysteries of our faith with your fiancé or spouse. Today, on the feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Mother, we hope you will be blessed and inspired by the quotations and prayers below. 

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee. Amen. 

Mary is a “symbol of hope” for us all.

For these weeks of Advent she stands before us as the woman who is carrying the Hope of the world just under her heart and, thus, going before us on our way as a symbol of hope. She stands there as the woman in whom was is humanly impossible has become possible, through God’s saving mercy. And thus she becomes a symbol for us all. For if it is up to us, if it depends on the feeble flame of our goodwill and the paltry sum of our actions, we cannot achieve salvation. However much we are capable of, it is not enough for that. It remains impossible. Yet God, in his mercy, has made the impossible possible. We need only say, in all humility, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord” (cf Lk 2:37f.; Mk 10:27). --Joseph Ratzinger, What It Means to Be A Christian

“Mary Immaculate first and fully bore Christ within.”

"Our Lady offers God her canticle of faith this Advent.  As she watches her belly grow large with God, she becomes our Patron as we join her--waiting, watching, the Christ-Seed planted in us all. We learn from her how to foster the Christ-life within.  As we keep vigil, Our Lady sits with us, listening with the patience of a mother, responding with the creative energy of a young girl.  She teaches us that nothing is impossible with God.  She tells us her story--the trials, challenges, and adventures that attend us when God dwells within.  Christ rests in her womb, and Mary is transformed.  We are invited into that love and transformation.  Mary Immaculate first and fully bore Christ within.  This Advent, find yourself caught up in Our Lady's love for Christ.  Tell her your story.  Let her delight in God's love for you.   

O God who gives us grace to triumph over sin, make us beautiful in purity and truth so that Christ may be fully formed in us.  

Pray for us, holy Mother of God."--Caryll Houselander, Reed of God

“God does not want a certain percentage of us...he wants our whole being.”

Mary is the gift of mankind to Christ. And this in turn means that the Lord does not want some thing from man, but man himself. God does not want a certain percentage of us. He wants our heart; indeed, he wants our whole being. He wants our faith and the life that is based on faith. And from this life, he wants those gifts of which he will speak at the Last Judgment: food and clothing for the poor, compassion and mutual love, a word that gives consolation, and a presence that brings comfort to the persecuted, the imprisoned, the abandoned, and the lost.

What can we offer you, O Christ? We certainly offer him too little if all we do is to exchange costly presents with one another, gifts that are not the expression of our own selves and of a gratitude that otherwise remains silent. Let us try to offer him our faith and our own selves, even if only in the form of the prayer: “I believe, Lord, help my unbelief!” And on this day, let us not forget the many in whom he suffers on earth.-- Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, The Blessing of Christmas.

Mary, Undoer of Knots

"The knot of Eve's disobedience was loosed by the obedience of Mary. What the virgin Eve had bound fast through unbelief, this did the virgin Mary set free through faith." --St. Irenaeus

“Mary the Chalice, Christ the Saving Blood.”

Mary the Dawn, Christ the Perfect Day;

Mary the Gate, Christ the Heav’nly Way!

Mary the Root, Christ the Mystic Vine;

Mary the Grape, Christ the Sacred Wine!

Mary the Wheat-sheaf, Christ the Living Bread;

Mary the Rose-Tree, Christ the Rose Blood-red!

Mary the Font, Christ the Cleansing Flood;

Mary the Chalice, Christ the Saving Blood!

Mary the Temple, Christ the Temple’s Lord;

Mary the Shrine, Christ the God adored!

Mary the Beacon, Christ the Haven’s Rest;

Mary the Mirror, Christ the Vision Blest!

Mary the Mother, Christ the Mother’s Son.

Both ever blest while endless ages run.

Amen.

--Medieval English text